[Opening Credits. Caption: Beats A Hard Kick In The Face.]
[Scene: Outside Planet Express. A calm, pleasant day ... until the top of the tower explodes in a huge fireball and electricity sparks around the rest of the building.]
Farnsworth: (shouting; from inside) Oh, Lordy Lou! Help!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Bender sleeps with his feet on the table and snores as the room shakes. Parts of the ceiling fall. Farnsworth screams.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Lounge. Fry and Leela sit on the couch and the building continues shaking.]
Fry: (shouting) I know you've rejected me a lot before but, frankly, I wasn't sure we were right for each other either. But now I am. So how 'bout a date tonight?
Leela: (shouting) Sorry. I think I, um, I think I left my toaster on.
Farnsworth: (shouting; from attic) Buddha! Zeus! God! One of you guys do something!
Fry: (shouting) Come on, Leela, what's the real reason you won't go out with me?
Farnsworth: (shouting; from attic) Help! Satan! You owe me!
Leela: (shouting) Look, um, I'm embarrassed to admit this but you forced me to: I can't go out tonight because... [The shaking stops but Leela still shouts.] I have sweaty boot rash.
[Amy looks up from the table.]
Amy: No spluh! Why do you think I'm sitting over here in the stink-free zone?
Fry: So, will you go out with me?
[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff sit around the table. Farnsworth is covered in stains and tries to rub them off with a cloth.]
Farnsworth: Good news, everyone. I'm still technically alive. Yes! [He lifts something up off the floor.] But I need to you to dispose of this crazy-ass experiment that almost killed me. [He puts a box on the table.] You'll have to throw it into the sun itself. For only the thermo-nuclear inferno of the sun has enough energy to ensure its total destruction.
Bender: I can hit it with a shovel.
Farnsworth: That's not good enough.
Bender: This one time I pounded a guy into the ground like a stake with a shovel.
Farnsworth: Yes, yes.
[Zoidberg lifts the lid slightly.]
Zoidberg: So what's in the box, already?
Farnsworth: No peeking! [He hits Zoidberg with a hammer. Zoidberg cries out in pain.] I don't know what's in there but I'm sure our minds would be unable to comprehend it.
[Hermes lifts the lid and Farnsworth hits his hand with the hammer.]
Hermes: Ow! You hurt my collator!
Farnsworth: I don't care. [He stands up.] Listen well: No matter what happens, no matter how great your curiosity, you are forbidden to look in this box. Forbidden! [He shakes his fist in the air then rubs the lid.] Pretty tantalising though!
[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The box is on a stool and Bender, Zoidberg, Fry, Leela and Hermes stand around it.]
Fry: Whatever's in there, it's the only thing I've ever wanted.
Zoidberg: In my experience, boxes are usually empty. Or maybe with a little cheese stuck to the top. And one time pepperoni! [He clasps his claws together.] What a day that was! [He screams and pushes Fry and Bender out of the way.] (shouting) Give me the box!
[Hermes fires a laser into the air.]
Hermes: Scram, you lousy green snakes! [Fry, Bender and Zoidberg run out.] Here, Leela. Take this and use it to shoot those guys.
[He hands her the laser.]
Leela: Right. If they try to look in the box.
[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry sits at the table while Bender paces around.]
Fry: Let's just forget about the box. The Professor said to stay away.
Bender: Fry, how can you be so naive? He was joking. Get it?
Bender: That's what makes it so funny! [He laughs then suddenly stops.] OK, he wasn't joking. Now shut up and follow me.
[Scene: Planet Express: Basement. Bender removes the hatch from a superheated steam pipe. A sign above the hatch reads "No Crawling Around". He climbs in and Fry follows and screams.]
Fry: (from vent) Ow! It's hot! The butter in my pocket is melting.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Above the room Bender removes the grate.]
[Cut to: Vent. Bender takes out his eyes and replaces them with bendy periscope-type eyes.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Bender's eyes emerge from the vent and he scans the room. Leela snores in the corner and Bender chuckles. He extends his arms down to the box, picks it up and brings it back into the vent. Fry groans.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Basement. Bender puts the box on a crate in the middle of the room]
Bender: We thank you, Bender, for the gift we are about to receive.
[He lifts the lid and he and Fry gasp. Fry pulls something out.]
Fry: Tangled-up Christmas lights! We can take shifts untangling them.
Bender: And unlabeled booze! Wide-mouth too!
[He drinks from it and Fry starts on the lights.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab.]
Leela: That oughta keep those dopes occupied. [She stands up and pulls a sheet off something.] I can guard the real box in peace now that no one's curious about it.
[She walks across the room and places the box back on the stool and picks up a magazine called Nosy Enquirer. She hums as she reads it. She looks up at the box but goes back to the magazine and hums louder.]
[Time Lapse. The next morning Leela is still in the lab guarding the box. A clock rings 7am.]
Leela: Well, I got through the night and no one looked in the box. Not even me. The person who gave up her whole evening to watch it. A whole evening of TV gone. What a mockery of justice that I can't take even a little tiny peek. [She sighs.] I need coffee. [She walks to the coffee machine and is about to put the coin in but looks back at the box.] OK, heads I look, tails I don't. [She flips the coin and covers it. She lifts her hand and smiles.] Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah! Heads! I mean, alright then. No! I have a duty not to look. Well, then again, I promised the coin I would. [She lifts the lid off the box and puts her head inside.] Oh, it's deep. Deeper than a small box should be.
[She is sucked inside the box and screams.]
[Cut to: Universe 1: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Everything wobbles and the box changes colour from yellow to light blue. Leela is ejected from it and lands on the floor.]
Leela A: Ouch! My lawyer will hear about this!
[Enter Fry. His hair is black and his jacket is green.]
Fry 1: Leela, what have you done?
Leela A: Nothing. What do you mean "Why was I looking in the box?"
Fry 1: I mean your hair. It's all different-y.
[Enter a golden Bender.]
Leela A: Bender? Is that you?
Bender 1: You know it! Large and in charge!
[Farnsworth walks in. He has a scar all the way around his head.]
Farnsworth 1: Leela? Oh, there's a woman for you! Always dyeing her hair instead of not looking in a box.
Leela A: I didn't dye my hair. This is how I always look.
Bender 1: No, that's how you always look. [Another Leela walks in carrying a mug. Her hair is red and her trousers are tinged red.] This throws my entire perception of reality into question. Clone? Robot? Or long-lost twin? Taking all bets! I also offer video poker.
Fry 1: It's some guy wearing a Leela costume! Get him!
[Leela A whips out Hermes' laser and points it at them.]
Leela A: Hold it! You have this all wrong. I just fell into the box and then I fell out somehow.
Fry 1: You shut up, sir!
Farnsworth 1: No, wait! I've got it. I know what's in the box. Oh, I've been as dumb as Fry.
Fry 1: Am not!
Farnsworth 1: It contains a parallel universe. And when you create a parallel universe, it's almost always populated by evil twins.
Leela A: Now, look: I am not evil. My loan officer said so.
Farnsworth 1: Oh, you'd like us to believe that wouldn't you, Leela? Or should I say Evil-a?
Bender 1: Oh, this is awful. Somewhere there's a Bender more evil than me. I do my best, damnit!
Farnsworth 1: Leela? [Both Leelas look at him.] Uh, the good Leela. [Leela 1 smiles.] I want you to snoop around the other universe and find out how evil they are. [He hands her Hermes' laser.] Here.
Leela A: I tell you they're not evil. But don't be confused. They are jerks.
[Leela 1 dives into the box.]
Zoidberg A: (from Universe A) Hello!
Leela 1: (from Universe A) Hi-yah!
[She punches him.]
Zoidberg A: (from Universe A) Ow!
[Leela 1 jumps back through the box. She points the laser back into it.]
Leela 1: Come out of your universe with your hands up!
[Enter Fry, Bender, Amy, Zoidberg and Farnsworth. They put up their hands.]
Fry A: Oh, wow! It's like that drug trip I saw in that movie when I was on that drug trip.
Farnsworth A: Astonishing! I must have created a parallel universe.
Farnsworth 1: Baldercrap! I created your universe. All you created was my fist parallel to your face.
[He weakly punches him.]
Farnsworth A: Ow.
Leela A: Look, it doesn't matter who created what. The important thing is-- Yah!
[She kicks the laser out of Leela 1's hand. Leela 1 leans back to Farnsworth 1.]
Leela 1: (whispering) We're exactly the same. I know all her moves. Therefore, I've got the upper hand.
[Both Leelas fly at each other, collide and fall to the floor.]
Farnsworth 1: Now, now. Perfectly symmetrical violence never solved anything.
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Both staffs sit around the table.]
Farnsworth A: Let's recap what's happened so far. [He presses a button and a hologram appears over the table.] As you can see, I accidentally created a box containing your universe.
Farnsworth 1: While I, in a simultaneous blunder, created a box containing your universe.
Leela A: This is getting confusing. Why don't we call our universe "Universe A" and this universe "Universe B"?
Bender 1: Hey! Why can't we be Universe A?
Fry 1: Yeah!
Amy 1: Yeah!
Farnsworth 1: We want A!
Zoidberg 1: It's the best letter!
Fry A: We called it first. Besides, this place kinda feels like a "B", y'know?
Leela 1: Alright, you can be crummy Universe A and we'll be Universe 1.
Fry 1: Or "The Mongooses". That's a cool team name. The Fighting Mongooses!
Farnsworth A: Wait a second. If everyone is identical, why did our Leela look into the box and your Leela didn't?
Leela 1: Well, to be honest, I tossed a coin. It came up tails so I didn't look.
Leela A: That's weird. Mine came up heads, so I did.
Farnsworth A: Interesting. Apparently, the key difference between our universes is that coin flips have opposite outcomes.
Bender A: That explains fruity here! [He points at Bender 1.] I tossed a coin to pick my finish. Fog hat grey!
Bender 1: Hey! Bite my glorious golden ass!
Farnsworth A: You people and your slight differences disgust me. I'm going home. Where's that blue box with our universe in it?
Farnsworth 1: Oh, you'd like to get back to your evil universe, wouldn't you? And destroy your box with our universe inside it.
Farnsworth A: Nonsense! I would never do such a thing unless you were already having been going to do that!
Farnsworth 1: Wha?
Farnsworth A: You heard me!
Farnsworth 1: In any case, I've hidden the box and it will remain hidden until I'm convinced you're not evil. [He turns to his staff.] Everyone, keep an eye on your evil counterpart.
[Farnsworth A turns to his staff.]
Farnsworth A: And you all do the same!
Leela 1: Um, can Fry and I watch our parallel selves together? We have plans tonight.
Leela A: You guys are dating?
Fry 1: Oh, no, no. We're married.
[Leela 1 puts her arms around him and they kiss. Fry's and Leela's jaws drop.]
[Scene: Universe 1: New New York City Street. Bender A and Bender 1 watch each other as they walk.]
Bender A: I've got my eye on you, boy!
Bender 1: Don't even think about it, lunch-pail! You'd be dead before you hit the ground.
Bender A: Good point. Whattya say we just hit a strip joint?
Bender 1: I was waitin' for one of us to say that! [They cheer.] Bender A, you're a prince among robots. Can you forgive me for distrusting you?
Bender A: Aw! I can't stay mad at what is essentially me. I love me!
[They take each other's wallets and chuckle.]
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Lounge. Amy 1 and Amy A paint their toenails.]
Amy 1: This is so great! I always wanted an imaginary friend!
Amy A: I'm not imaginary, I'm parallel. We're exactly the same, right down to the-- [She sees Amy 1's toes.] Splech! Is that pink nail polish?
[Amy 1 points at Amy A's yellow toenails.]
Amy 1: Is that not pink nail polish? The Professor's right, you are evil. And shallow.
Amy A: I am not evil!
[Scene: Universe 1: Elzar's Fine Cuisine. The Frys and Leelas sit at a table.]
Leela A: So, Fry, Leela, how'd you two get together?
Fry 1: Funny story. I asked Leela out a million times but she just kept rejecting me.
Leela 1: I'd make up stuff like "I have sweaty boot rash" or "I have to meet the President"!
[She laughs. Fry A glares at Leela A.]
Fry 1: Oh, man, you never heard such excuses! But, like a dope, I believed her. Looking back on it now, it's kinda funny.
Fry A: (sarcastic) It sure is. Right, Leela? Funny. Ha ha ha ha!
Leela 1: Then one night, when Fry asked me out, the only excuse I could think of involved ghosts. I knew he wouldn't buy it so I did what I always do in those situations.
Leela A: Oh, Lord!
Leela 1: I flipped a coin. It came up heads and we went out.
[Fry A turns to Leela A.]
Fry A: You mean you flipped a coin too? And it was tails? So that's why you said you had to meet that ghost.
Leela 1: You really missed out on something, Leela. That date was magical.
Fry 1: One year later, I gave Leela a diamond scrunchie and we were married.
[Leela 1 turns around and shows Leela the scrunchie.]
Leela A: Ooh!
Fry A: One year later, I got beat up at a Neil Diamond concert by a guy named Scrunchie!
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The two Farnsworth's change the chandelier-mo-stat and the lights brighten and dim.]
Farnsworth 1: Well, that was pointless.
Farnsworth A: Say, I hope you won't think it "evil" of me to ask how you got that stylish head wound.
Farnsworth 1: Oh, this old thing? I was experimenting to see if I could remove my own brain.
Farnsworth A: Of course! I had the same idea. I flipped a coin to decide if I should proceed. But it came up tails, so I didn't. How'd it go?
Farnsworth 1: Well getting the brain out was the easy part. The hard part was getting the brain out!
[He laughs madly. Farnsworth A chuckles.]
Farnsworth A: Oh, you!
[Scene: Universe 1: Alley. The two Zoidbergs sit in a dumpster. Flies buzz around them.]
Zoidberg 1: So, tell me about yourself.
Zoidberg A: Well, don't look into it, but I'm a respected internal medicine doctor. Ooh! A can!
[He picks up the can and slurps the contents of it.]
Zoidberg 1: As for me, I design mansions, then live in them. [He bursts into tears.] (crying) I'm lying! I'm an appalling failure!
[Zoidberg cries too.]
Zoidberg A: (crying) Me too! A big, fat one!
Zoidberg 1: And those co-workers, always looking down on us Zoidbergs. What are they, from Nob Hill?
Zoidberg A: They're all like "Stop spraying me with ink, Zoidberg!" "Put on pants, Zoidberg!" "Don't touch our fancy box, Zoidberg!"
Zoidberg 1: Oh, that box! Too good for us, is it?
Zoidberg A: Bah! Someday they'll watch from down in the gutter, they will, as King Zoidberg caresses their fancy box.
Zoidberg 1: You know, maybe a certain blue lobster saw where Professor hid the box.
[Zoidberg A laughs evilly and Zoidberg 1 joins in.]
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Meeting Room.]
Farnsworth 1: Good news, everyones!
Farnsworth A: After carefully reading the scriptures, we've concluded that none of us are evil.
Farnsworth 1: Yes, the Bible is the real good news. Anyhow, you're all free to go back to your own universe.
[Enter Hermes 1.]
Hermes 1: What's goin' on here? Why aren't you all out destroying the Professor's box?
Leela 1: Hermes, aren't you curious about the fact that there's two of everybody?
Hermes 1: No. Now like my granny used to say back in her tarpaper shack on Montego Bay, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself."
Farnsworth 1: Your granny can go to hell! I've hidden the box so no one can destroy the home universe of my handsome friend here.
Farnsworth A: Oh, go on! Wait a second. If your Hermes was about to destroy the box containing our universe...
Farnsworth 1: Then your Hermes...
Farnsworth A: Oh, my!
[Scene: Outside Planet Express. In Universe A, the hangar doors slide open.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. Hermes walks up the steps into the ship.]
Narrator: (voice-over) And sure enough...
Hermes: Like Granny said, "If you want a box hurled into the sun, you got to do it yourself." God rest her zombie bones.
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab.]
Leela A: So we go back through the box and stop Hermes?
Farnsworth A: Right. Good thing Professor B there hid it in the coelacanth tank. No one but a crazy lobster would look there!
[In the tank Farnsworth 1 opens a giant shell. There is nothing inside.]
Farnsworth 1: [on radio] It's gone!
[Cut to: Universe 1: Alley. Zoidberg 1 sits on a bin holding the box and wearing a Slurm cup on his head. Zoidberg A bows to him.]
Zoidberg A: All hail Zoidberg, the king with the box! [He kisses Zoidberg 1's feet.] Now it's my turn, maybe?
Zoidberg 1: The box says no.
[Scene: Ships Cockpit.]
Narrator: (voice-over) Meanwhile in Universe A, Hermes A heads towards the sun ... A.
[Hermes holds a "Box Destruction Checklist".]
Hermes: Item one: Box. Check! Item two: Sun. [He looks at the sun and shields his eyes.] That's a big check.
[He pulls a visor down and it bursts into flames. He gasps.]
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab.]
Hermes 1: (crying) If I know parallel Hermes, he's at the sun by now.
Bender 1: Our universe is doomed!
Bender A and Bender 1: Doomed!
Farnsworth 1: Now don't give up yet, you cry babies. The box is gone but we still have one preposterously slim hope.
Amy A: Is it a kind of hairspray?
Farnsworth A: No! We must attempt to make another box containing our universe. Doy!
[He slaps his head.]
[Time Lapse. Farnsworth A pulls the switch on a machine and the lights dim. Several boxes come out of it on a conveyor belt. The two Farnsworths scream madly while everyone else remains calm.]
[Time Lapse. Several boxes are on the floor. Fry A picks one up and puts it over his head.]
Fry 1: Well? Is that your universe in there?
Fry A: (from box) Nope. Too cold.
[He takes the box off his head. It is frozen in a block of ice. Farnsworth puts his head inside another box and kissing sounds come from inside it.]
Farnsworth A: (from box) Hmm! All women! [He comes out of the box covered in lipstick marks.] I'll put this one aside for later.
[Leela A runs by with her head in a box and tentacles emerging from it.]
Hermes 1: Oh, man, it's hopeless! We'll never find your universe in time. Plus, this box is stuck on my fat head.
Farnsworth 1: Yes, it's the apocalypse alright. I always thought I'd have a hand in it.
Bender 1: I'm not sad because I finally found someone as great as me. It's like I always say, "Make new friends and keep the old. One is silver--"
Bender A: "And the other's gold."
[They hug and cry. The Zoidbergs walk in with the right box.]
Zoidberg 1: Why with the long faces?
[Leela 1 gasps.]
Leela 1: The idiots have the box!
Zoidberg A: I think she means you.
Farnsworth 1: Grab them!
[They surround the two Zoidbergs and back them against the shelves containing the other universes. The shelves wobble and Universe #25 falls off and lands on Zoidberg A, taking him and Universe A with it.]
Zoidberg 1: (shouting) You coward! Wait for me!
[He picks up the box and drops it over his head. He runs around with his legs sticking out and woops. He runs into the shelves and all the other boxes fall off.]
Amy: Blug! Which one did they go into?
Farnsworth A: (sarcastic) Oh, let's all ask each other! That'll solve this problem!
Farnsworth 1: We'll each have to search a universe. Everyone, grab a length of wire first so you can find your way back.
[They each grab a wire anchored to his lab table and jump into a parabox.]
[Scene: Universe 25. The Zoidbergs come in via a box and leave via another box. Amy 1 follows and looks around.]
Amy 1: Hello? Did you see two smelly lobsters?
Hermes 25: We didn't see anything ... [Leela 25, Hermes 25 and Fry 25 turn around. They have no eyes.] ... ever!
[Scene: Universe 1729. Enter Fry.]
Fry: Yo! Uh, did two shellfish in scrubs go by?
[The people in this universe have giant carnival heads.]
Fry 1729: Hell, no!
Leela 1729: Shut up!
Bender 1729: Beat it, jerk!
[Scene: Universe 31. Leela A pokes her head into the universe. Blocky robots shaped like the staff approach her.]
Leela A: Uh, have you robot versions of you guys seen any extra Zoidbergs around here?
Fry 31: (mechanical voice) Negative. Will you go out with me?
Leela A: Uh, access denied.
[Fry 31's head explodes.]
[Scene: Universe XVII. The Professor's lab resembles an ancient study and Farnsworth XVII writes on a blackboard. Enter the Benders behind him.]
Bender 1: Hey, pal, look what I snagged from the Leprechaun Universe!
[He opens his chest cabinet and pulls out a crock o' gold.]
Bender: Yeah, Leprechaun Universe is fine ... if you haven't seen Pirate Universe!
[He pulls out a treasure chest. Bender 1 gasps.]
Bender 1: Faith and begorra!
[They leave. Farnsworth XVII turns around.]
Farnsworth XVII: Quae?
[Scene: Universe 420. Enter the Zoidbergs.]
Zoidberg A: Quick! Into another box!
Zoidberg 1: There aren't any in this universe, there aren't. Hey, you, what with the no boxes?
[Farnsworth is a hippy and Amy rubs his shoulders.]
Farnsworth 420: Baby, they're somewhere. Everything's like somewhere! Place is kinda au naturel right now.
[Enter Farnsworth A and Farnsworth 1.]
Farnsworth 1: There they are!
[The Zoidbergs scream. Farnsworth A takes the parabox away from them.]
Farnsworth A: Gotcha!
Farnsworth 420: Dig it! All of you fitting in this boxed is like seriously freaked up!
Farnsworth 1: Nonsense! Why, there's a whole universe in there.
Farnsworth 420: Dude, there's a universe in all of us.
[Amy 420 puts her arms around him.]
Amy 420: Right on, Professor Freaksworth!
[Farnsworth 420 offers Farnsworth A a flower.]
Farnsworth A: Get a job! [He leans over the parabox.] (shouting) We've got the box. Everyone, pull your wires.
[They pull them and are reeled in.]
[Scene: Universe 1: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Everyone flies in and lands in a pile by the lab table.]
Farnsworth A: Hurry! Back to Universe A!
[The A's and 1's jump into the box.]
[Scene: Ships Ejection Port. The ship has arrived at the sun and Hermes prepares to eject the box. He pushes it through the slot into the airlock and is about to press the eject button when the box shakes and the A's and 1's jump out of it. They are trapped in the airlock. Farnsworth bangs his fists on the glass.]
Farnsworth A: Hermes, don't press that button!
[Hermes thinks about it.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. The staff part with their parallel selves.]
Fry A: Bye.
Leela A: Good luck, Leela.
Zoidberg A: So long, Your Majesty!
Amy 1: Later!
[Zoidberg 1 climbs into the box. Fry 1 and Leela 1 kiss and climb in.]
Fry: There but for the flip of a coin go we. So, um, Leela? Seeing how the universe wasn't destroyed, you wanna catch an ape fight? You know, together?
Leela: Well, I guess you deserve one more flip.
[She flips the coin.]
Fry: So, heads or tails?
[Leela looks at the coin.]
Leela: Y'know, let's just say it's heads.
[Fry smiles. Farnsworth reaches into the parabox and Farnsworth 1's hand comes out.]
Farnsworth and Farnsworth 1: One, two, three, pull!
[The paraboxes fold into each other. Farnsworth now holds the blue box.]
Farnsworth: There. That space-time eversion has given us their box and vice versa.
Leela: So, what you think you just explained to us is that--
Farnsworth: Correct! This box contains our own universe.
Hermes: Sweet honey bee of infinity!
[Bender takes the box from Farnsworth and shakes it. The building shakes.]
Leela: Bender! Quit destroying the universe!
[She snatches the box away and the room shakes again.]
Farnsworth: Yes, all that is and ever shall be is in that box. And the box itself is probably worth something too. We must cherish it, as we cherish every moment of our lives.
[Scene: Planet Express: Lounge. Zoidberg, Bender and Leela sit on the couch. Bender changes the channel. Fry walks in and sees there is no space left on the couch so he sits on the parabox, making the universe squishy. He sighs.]