[Scene: Planet Express: Meeting Room. Fry, Bender and Leela sit around a big green table facing a big screen which Farnsworth stands in front of.]
Farnsworth: As new employees, I'd like your opinion on our commercial. I paid to have it air during the Superbowl.
Farnsworth: Not on the same channel, of course.
[He puts a tiny video into the VCR and the commercial appears on the screen. A man sits in his office and a huge green horrible gelatinous blob with three eyes is in front of him.]
Announcer: [voice-over; on screen] Interplanetary deliveries - what a headache!
Horrible Gelatinous Blob: [on screen] Evans! Where's that package from Earth?
Man: [on screen] Uh... [Horrible Gelatinous Blob eats him. The man is suspended in the creature's translucent body.] (shouting) I'm not Evans!
[Horrible Gelatinous Blob turns to the camera.]
Horrible Gelatinous Blob: [on screen] He should have used Planet Express!
Announcer: [voice-over; on screen] When those other companies aren't brave or foolhardy enough to go, trust Planet Express for reliable, on time delivery.
[As the announcer speaks the Planet Express ship streaks across the screen being chased by spaceships shooting lasers at it. A man runs across an ice world with a parcel while at the same time being bombed. He delivers the parcel and is snatched by a gigantic vulture. Back in the office Evans lifts up a parcel.]
Evans: [on screen] Here's your package, Mr. Horrible Gelatinous Blob.
Horrible Gelatinous Blob: [on screen] Good work, Evans! You've got a future around here.
[He eats Evans anyway.]
Evans: [on screen] Thank you, sir!
[The Planet Express logo, a simplified picture of the ship flying across a white circle with "Planet Express" written around it, appears on the screen.]
Announcer: [voice-over; on screen] Planet Express: Our crew is replaceable. Your package isn't.
[The bird is still carrying the man and squawks. The commercial ends.]
Fry: Are there really giant birds like that?
Farnsworth: No, no! That was all just special effects! Now let's have breakfast. I hope everyone likes eggs.
[Cut to: Planet Express: Kitchen. Farnsworth opens a box of eggs. They are giant bird eggs. One hatches and the bird inside tries to eat him. He hits it with a frying pan.]
[Opening Credits. Caption: In Hypno-Vision.]
[Scene: Outside Planet Express. A Jamaican man with dreads crosses the street. He is wearing a green suit and glasses. He unlocks the door and turns the open sign around from "Sorry, We're Closed" to "Sorry, We're Open".]
[Cut to: Planet Express. Meeting Room. Fry, Bender, Farnsworth and Leela are sat around the table. Fry pours some cereal into a bowl, Bender relaxes and Leela looks at a clipboard.]
Fry: I'm never going to get used to the 31st century. [He points to his breakfast.] Caffinated bacon? Baconated grapefruit? Admiral Crunch?
Leela: Well, if you don't like that, try some Archduke Chocula.
[She holds up a box of the cereal. Enter the Jamaican man with a large crate.]
Farnsworth: Ah, Hermes! Crew, meet Hermes Conrad. He manages my delivery business, pays the bills, notifies next of kin, what have you.
Hermes: Someone come and dropped this package through the slot last night. Now which one of you is the captain?
Farnsworth: Oh, my! I haven't picked a new captain yet. It's always so hard to choose.
[He looks around the table. Milk dribbled down Fry's chin and he points to himself.]
Fry: Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!
[Farnsworth looks at Bender who drinks back a bottle of beer and belches a flame. He looks at Leela. She has already signed Hermes' clipboard and she salutes.]
Farnsworth: Hmm, you!
[He points at her. Fry groans.]
[Scene: Planet Express: Hermes' Office. Hermes sits at his desk facing Leela. He slides a sheet of paper to her.]
Hermes: OK, Captain, this is just a standard legal release protecting Planet Express from lawsuits in the event of the unforeseen.
[He hands Leela a piece of paper.]
Leela: (reading) Death by airlock failure.
Leela: (reading) Death by brain parasite.
Leela: (reading) Death by sonic diarrhoea?
Hermes: (chuckling) Oh, you don't want that!
Leela: Look, I don't know about any of your previous captains but I intend to do as little dying as possible.
[She puts the form on the desk and Hermes chuckles again. He slides it back to her.]
Hermes: Sign the paper!
[Scene: Planet Express Corridor. Farnsworth and Fry stand next to a door.]
Farnsworth: Now, Fry, before you go into space you'll need to see our staff doctor. I should warn you though, he's a little ... unusual. (whispering) He wears sandals!
[Cut to: Planet Express: Zoidberg's Office. The doctor, a red alien, is sat in his chair with his feet on the desk. Behind him is a chart of a human's internal organs - pinned to the wall upside down.]
Farnsworth: Dr. Zoidberg, this is Fry, the new delivery boy. He needs a physical.
Zoidberg: Excellent, excellent!
[He clacks his claws. Fry is not so sure.]
Farnsworth: You'll be fine.
[He turns to leave but looks back with a worried look on his face.]
Zoidberg: Now open your mouth and let's have a look at that brain. [Fry opens his mouth.] No, no, no, no, no, not that mouth!
Fry: I only have one.
[He takes a small card out of his pocket and looks at it.]
Fry: Uh, is there a human doctor around?
Zoidberg: Young lady, I'm an expert on humans. Now pick a mouth, open it and say... [He makes a weird noise. Fry clears his throat and tries to imitate him but fails.] What? My mother was a saint! Get out!
[Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. Farnsworth unscrews Bender's head from his body. With them is Leela and an Asian girl wearing a pink jumpsuit.]
Farnsworth: Dear Lord, Bender, you're filthy.
Bender: Yeah, like you don't have crap in your neck!
[Farnsworth puts Bender's head down on a table and turns to the girl.]
Farnsworth: Amy, why don't you give his body a going over with the cleaning pick?
Amy: OK. Does it hurt when I go like this?
[She pokes Bender's neck but hits Leela in the eye instead.]
Bender: A little.
Fry: Well, the doctor says I'm as healthy as a crab. Can I go into space now?
Farnsworth: As soon as we finish cleaning Bender. Oh, and Fry, this is our intern, Amy Wong. She's an engineering student of mine. (whispering) I like having her around because she's the same blood type as me.
Amy: Hey! You're the unfrozen guy! From the 20th century, right?
Fry: (chuffed) Last time I checked.
Leela: Hang on. Amy Wong? Of the Mars Wongs?
Amy: Look, we're not as rich as everybody says.
Leela: Uh-huh! What sorority do you belong to?
Amy: (ashamed) Kappa Kappa Wong.
Bender: Hey, rich girl. Look over here! It's me, Bender. I'm being entertaining. [His body reaches into Amy's back pocket, takes out her wallet and empties the money into his neck.] (singing) Look at my head. It's all painted! Look at my head! I got a big, old head, hey! Ho! (talking) Alright, show's over, I'm tired.
Farnsworth: Ah, to be young again. And also a robot. Now, as I recall, you youngsters have a package to deliver.
Fry: Finally! Come on, Bender. Let's mosey!
[He picks up Bender's head and throws it to his body. It misses the catch and Bender's head falls on the floor.]
Bender: Nice catch, idiot!
[Scene: Planet Express: Hangar. The crate, addressed to "Luna Park" is loaded into the ships cargo bay on a magnetic winch.]
Fry: So where are we going anyway?
Leela: Nowhere special. The moon.
Fry: The moon? The moon moon? Wow! I'm gonna be a famous hero just like Neil Armstrong and those other brave guys no one ever heard of!
Amy: Oh, I love stuff like the moon! Can I come, Leela?
Leela: Well ... I guess so. Just be careful. I'd like to hold off any major screw-ups until at least my second day as captain.
Fansworth: Nothing will go wrong. [He leans over to Leela.] (whispering) If something goes wrong, bring back the blood.
[Scene: Ships Cockpit. Bender and Amy sit on the couch. Leela sits in the pilot's seat while Fry sits in a chair beside her. She presses some buttons.]
[Cut to: Planet Express: Hangar. The tilting mechanism comes out of the floor and pushes the ship into its 45-degree launch position.]
[Cut to: Outside Planet Express. The hangar roof slides open.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry scoots his chair over to Leela.]
Fry: Can I do the countdown?
Leela: Huh? Oh, sure. Knock yourself out.
Fry: Ten ... [The ship takes off, clears the atmosphere and approaches the moon.] ... nine--
Leela: OK, we're here!
Fry: (awestruck) Eightsevensixfivefourthreetwooneblastoff!
[Scene: The ship cruises towards the moon and flies through a hole in a dome on the surface.]
[Cut to: Outside Luna Park. The ship lands.]
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Leela takes the keys out of the ignition and Fry gets out of his seat and heads for the door.]
Fry: Hurry up! I wanna see the moon!
Leela: Relax. It's open till 9.
[Cut to: Outside Ship. Fry stands on the bottom step.]
Fry: That's one small step for Fry--
Man: And one giant line for admission!
[The man is standing in a long queue for the Luna Park, a huge Disneyland-like place with moon-themed rides.]
Fry: Wow! [He turns to the man.] Um, can I have cuts?
Man: Hmm ... no!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Fry runs in.]
Fry: You're not gonna believe this but they landed an amusement park on the moon!
Amy: Guh! It's the happiest place orbiting Earth.
Fry: Let's go, already!
[They walk towards the door but Leela blocks it.]
Leela: Fry, we have a crate to deliver.
Fry: Let's just dump it in the sewer and say we delivered it.
Bender: Too much work. Let's burn it and say we dumped it in the sewer.
Leela: OK, if everyone's finished being stupid--
Fry: I had more but you go ahead.
Leela: We'll deliver that crate like professionals and then we'll go home.
Fry: But I've never been to the moon before.
Leela: Alright. We'll deliver that crate like professionals ... and then we'll go ride the bumper cars. [The other three high-five.] Amy, why don't you help Fry hoist down the crate. Then lock up when you're done. Just be careful.
[She hands the keys to Amy.]
Amy: Aye, aye, Captain! I mean only one eye. I mean, yes, sir-- Um, ma'am!
[Scene: Ships Cargo Bay. Fry stands next to the crate by the open bomb bay doors while Amy stands at the magnetic winch controls.]
Amy: Ready to hoist?
[Amy presses a button and the winch drops and hits her on the head.]
[The magnet pulls the keys out of her pocket. She tries again and the winch picks up the crate. The keys slip off the winch and through a hole in the crate.]
[Scene: Outside Luna Park Receiving Depot. Fry wheels the crate towards the room on a trolley. Amy follows.]
Fry: My first space delivery.
[Cut to: Luna Park Receiving Depot. A lazy man named Sal is sat at a desk with his feet up. Enter Fry.]
Fry: Uh, greetings, Moon Man. We come in peace. I am Fry from the planet Earth.
Sal: Wise guy, huh? If I wasn't so lazy I'd punch you in the stomach.
Fry: But you are lazy, right?
Sal: Oh, don't get me started.
[Scene: Luna Park: Moon Street USA. The crew walk past a band of band-bots that are shaped like musical instruments and past a Moonvenirs stall. Bender stops and takes a bottle out of his chest cabinet and a mascot with a huge flat moon shaped head runs up behind him.]
Crater Face: Hi, I'm Crater Face! Welcome to Luna Park. I'll have to confiscate your alcohol, sir.
Bender: Better mascots than you have tried.
[He finishes the bottle and jabs it in Crater Face's eye making it look like a scene from A Trip To The Moon. He leaves.]
Crater Face: At least I still have my self respect!
[He chuckles to himself then cries.]
[Time Lapse. At a souvenir stall, the crew look at merchandise such as "I'm With Stupid On The Moon" T-shirts, "My Other Car Is A Porsche - On The Moon" bumper stickers and "What Part Of MOON Don't You Understand?" fridge magnets. Leela scoffs.]
Leela: Who buys this trash?
Bender: Idiots who need gifts for other idiots.
[Fry emerges from around the corner wearing one of the T-shirts and carrying magnets.]
Fry: Hey, I got you guys refrigerator magnets.
[He puts one on Bender's head causing Bender's pupils to dilate and an electrical surge in his head. He starts waving his arms around in a panic.]
Bender: Get it off! Get it off! Get it-- Uh-oh! [He starts singing his own version of Bob Dylan's Blowin' In The Wind.] (singing) How many roads must a man walk down, before you-- [He howls. Fry takes the magnet off and Bender gasps.] (talking) Keep those things off of me! Magnets screw up my inhibition unit!
Fry: So you flip out and start acting like some crazy folk singer?
Bender: Yes. I guess a robot would have to be crazy to wanna be a folk singer.
[He gazes upwards sadly.]
[Scene: Luna Park: Whalers Of The Sea Of Tranquility. The gang float through an It's A Small World After All-like ride, passing by robotic whalers.]
Whalerbots: (singing) We're whalers on the moon,
We carry a harpoon,
But there ain't no whales,
So we tell our tall tale,
And sing our whaling tune!
[A Whalerbot tilting on a barrel waves to Bender.]
Whalerbot: Bender, hey, Bender! Over here!
[Bender covers his face and turns away.]
Bender: Oh, jeez! I went to high school with that guy!
[Scene: Luna Park: Goophy Gopher Revue. The audience sit patiently for the show to begin.]
Announcer: Monsanto presents: The Goophy Gopher Revue!
[On a small stage, several robotic gophers pop out of crater-shaped holes.]
Gopher #1: Why does a moon rock taste better than an Earth rock?
Gopher #2: Because it's a little meteor!
Fry: This is weak!
Gopher #1: Address all complaints to the Monsanto Corporation.
[Scene: Luna Park. The crew get some candy floss from an Orlon Candy stall and carry on walking around the park. Fry looks unhappy.]
Leela: What's wrong, Fry?
Fry: I don't know. This place is great and all but its just so artificial. The gravity, the air, the gophers. You might as well stay on Earth. [He tosses his candy floss into a bin and runs to a window.] That's what I came to see! I wanna go out there and jump around like an astronaut. Screw this phoney stuff!
Leela: But the phoney stuff is what's fun. It's boring out there.
Bender: Yeah! You're the kind of guy who visits Jerusalem and doesn't want to see the Sexeteria!
Leela: Maybe I should take Fry on the Luna Rover ride. You get to wear a space suit and drive around on the surface. And the line's short because it's educational.
Fry: I don't care how educational it is. Let's do it!
[He runs off with Leela. Bender raises his bottle.]
Bender: (shouting) Next year in Jerusalem!
[Scene: Luna Park: Destination Moon. Fry and Leela sit in a moon buggy wearing orange spacesuits.]
Fry: Finally! Get ready for some serious moon action.
[They go through some doors.]
Narrator: [on loudspeaker] The story of lunar exploration started with one man. A man with a dream.
[The ride continues to a room with animatronic versions of the leads from The Honeymooners.]
Ralph Kramden-bot: One of these days, Alice. Bang! Zoom! Straight to the moon!
Leela: Wow, I never realised the first astronauts were so fat!
Fry: That's not an astronaut, it's a TV comedian. And he was just using space travel as a metaphor for beating his wife.
[Scene: Luna Park: Arcade. Amy plays Virtual Virtual Skeeball, a virtual version of Virtual Skeeball. She just sits in a chair wearing a VR helmet.]
Amy: Wow! I could swear I was really playing virtual skeeball! [Bender taps her on the shoulder.] Hm?
[She takes the helmet off.]
Bender: Look, it's that crate we were gonna throw in the sewer.
[He points to Sal who is emptying the crate into a claw machine using a robot arm around his waist. They watch as the ship keys fall out of the crate and into the machine. Amy gasps.]
Amy: The keys to the ship! [She pats her pockets.] They must have fallen into the crate! Leela's gonna kill me!
Bender: Nah. She'll probably make me do it.
Amy: Mister? Could you please get those keys out for me?
Sal: What do I look like? A guy who's not lazy?
[Amy gets a coin out and plays the game. The claw grabs the keys but drops them on the way back up and she curses in Chinese.]
[Scene: Luna Park: Destination Moon. The moon buggy continues across lunar terrain, boxed in with crude walls with stars painted on them.]
Narrator: [on loudspeaker] No one knows where, when or how Man first landed on the moon.
Fry: I do.
Narrator: [on loudspeaker] But our fun-gineers think it might have happened something like this:
[A prop of a lunar landing module opens up and Whalerbots file out of it.]
Whalerbots: (singing) We're whalers on the moon,
[Goophy Gophers pop up from craters.]
Gophers: (singing) We carry a harpoon,
Whalerbots and Gophers: (singing) But there ain't no whales so we tell a tall tale...
Leela: (singing) And sing a whaling tune. We're whalers on the moon--
Fry: That's not how it happened.
Leela: Oh, really? I don't see you with a fun-gineering degree!
Fry: This is stupid. I'm taking this thing out to the real moon.
Leela: Fry, no. This is my first mission and I'm not gonna let us get in any trouble. Besides, the car's on a track.
Fry: Not for long!
[He grabs a harpoon, throws it in front of the buggy and derails it. It drives over a whalerbot and out onto the open lunar surface.]
Whalerbot: Ooh! Ah! I died doin' what I loved.
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry drives the car around, grinning.]
Leela: OK, you're on the surface. Now I'll give you 10 minutes. Then you'll get bored, turn around and apologise for being such a jerk. Agreed?
Fry: Agreed. [He drives over craters and flies through the air, cheering.] Yeah! Crank up the radio!
[He turns the radio on.]
Whalerbots: [singing; on radio] We're whalers on the--
[He turns it off straight away.]
[Time Lapse. Fry drives around another crater.]
Leela: Time's up. Make a U-turn at the next crater.
Fry: No, not yet. How 'bout we go look for the original moon landing site?
Leela: That's crazy! It's been lost for centuries!
Fry: Well I'm feelin' lucky! [The car suddenly falls into a huge crater and starts to sink at the bottom.] Uh ... I'm ready to go back now.
Fry: We're gonna die! It's every man for himself! [He jumps off the car and starts to sink.] Help me, Leela! [Leela grabs Fry and an oxygen canister and flies out of the crater.] You did it! We're safe!
Leela: No. Now we're gonna die.
[The gauge on the oxygen canister reads nearly empty.]
Fry: It's every man for himself.
[He tries to run off but chokes himself on the oxygen pipe from his helmet.]
[Scene: Luna Park: Arcade. Amy is still trying to get the keys but the claw drops them again. Enter Bender with a small doll.]
Bender: Hey, look what I won from a tourist's pocket!
Amy: Shut up. You're distracting me.
Bender: Come on, it's just like making love. Y'know: Left, down, rotate 62 degrees, engage rotor.
Amy: I know how to make love!
[The claw drops the keys again. Amy sighs.]
Bender: Here, let me do it. [He puts his hand up the chute and grabs the keys but then drops them.] Ah, lousy arm. Must be rigged! [Moon Patrol officers walk up behind him.] That's her, officers! [He points at Amy.] Uh, that's the woman who programmed me for evil!
[He runs off with his extended arm trailing behind him and the Moon Patrol chase him.]
[Cut to: Outside Lunar Park Dome. The Moon Patrol officers throw Bender outside the dome and close the doors behind him.]
Bender: Yeah, well, I'm gonna go build my own theme park, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the park!
[Scene: Lunar Surface. An exhausted Fry and Leela continue their journey back to the park.]
Fry: (gasping) I'm sorry, Leela, I can't go on any further. Just leave me to die in that barn over there.
[Leela gasps. Fry is pointing to a farm in a dome.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. Fry and Leela run in and take off their space helmets, panting.]
Leela: Thank God!
[Behind them a gun cocks. They turn around and see a farmer. He has a buck tooth and a cap that says "The Moon Shall Rise Again".]
Farmer: Trespassers, eh?
Fry: No, sir. We're amusement park patrons.
Farmer: Ooh, that's a wicked sinful place. Tilt-a-whirl's OK, but the rest is mighty wicked.
Leela: Our car broke down and we're out of oxygen. Can we borrow some?
Farmer: Huh, borry? Looky here, city girl, oxygen don't grow on trees. You'll have to earn it doing chores on my hydroponic farm. You can go back to your precious theme park at sun up.
Fry: I guess we could do chores for a few hours.
Leela: Fry, night lasts two weeks on the moon.
Farmer: Yup. Drops down to -173!
Fry: Fahrenheit or Celsius?
Farmer: First one, then th'other. And them spacesuits ain't a-heated so you ainít goin' nowhere till sunrise. You can sleep in the barn. Just don't be a-touchin' my three beautiful robot daughters. Y'hear?
Fry: Robot daughters?
[He points to his robot daughters outside the house.]
Farmer: This here is Lulabelle 7.
Lulabelle 7: Yoo-hoo!
Farmer: Daisy-Mae 128K.
Daisy-Mae 128K: Yoo-hoo!
Farmer: And the Crushinator.
[The Crushinator is a huge pink thing with tracks instead of legs.]
Crushinator: (mechanical voice) Yoo-hoo.
[Scene: Barn. Fry and Leela milk a pair of cows.]
Leela: I told you to turn around and go back to the park. But oh, no, the park was too phoney. We had to see the real moon.
Fry: And it was great! We got to see craters and rocks and that one incredible rock that looked like a crater and ... and these fellas.
[He pats the cow, which isn't a cow but some sort of insect-bovine creature.]
Leela: Fry, face it: The moon is a dump. It's a boring, dried-up wasteland and the only reason anybody ever comes here is for the tacky little amusement park. Can't you just accept that?
Fry: I guess I can't.
[They hear a shot from outside. They look through the transparent barn doors and see Bender running out of the farmhouse.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. The farmer chases him out of the house waving his rifle.]
Farmer: I'll learn ye to sleep with my robot daughters!
[Bender runs into the barn.]
[Cut to: Barn. He leans against the transparent door. The farmer reloads his gun.]
Bender: He'll never find me in here.
Fry: Oh, Bender. You didn't touch the Crushinator, did you?
Bender: Of course not. A lady that fine you gotta romance first.
[Another gunshot smashes the barn door behind Bender. Bender legs it while the farmer reloads. Fry and Leela follow him through another door. They pick up their helmets as they run.]
[Cut to: Farmyard. They grab some oxygen tanks and get into the moon buggy.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The buggy speeds away from the farm. The farmer, in a spacesuit but with his cap sat on top, Lulabelle 7 and Daisy-Mae 128K run after them. The farmer fires a shot at them and misses.]
Farmer: Oh, no you don't! C'mere, Crushinator.
[Crushinator drives out of the farm and pulls up beside him.]
Crushinator: (mechanical voice) Yes, Pa.
[She transforms into a car. The farmer and his other two daughters get in and drive after Fry, Leela and Bender. They chase the crew around past craters and through ravines. The farmer takes a shot at the crew and narrowly misses them. The crew round a corner and find their way blocked by a rock bridge.]
Fry: It's too low.
Leela: Hang on. Hang on. Jump! [The trio jump over the bridge and the buggy drives under it. They land back in the car. The Crushinator slams into it and cuts her way through. They come to a gorge.] Hold on to your helmet!
[They jump the gorge, flying over crocodiles with space helmets and land safely on the other side. They all cheer and then a wheel falls off the buggy. The Crushintor approaches the other side and stops. The farmer climbs out and slams the door.]
Farmer: God darn it, Crushinator, jump!
Crushinator: (mechanical voice) No, Pa. I love him.
[The farmer takes his hat off and jumps on it, groaning. Leela looks at the broken wheel and Fry sees a huge shadow approaching.]
Fry: Hey, cool! Dark side of the moon!
Leela: Nightfall's coming. [The shadow falls over Fry and he starts to shiver.] Hurry, before we freeze.
[They flee from the shadow.]
Bender: What do you mean "we", mammal?
[Cut to: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. He watches the crew through a telescope.]
Farnsworth: Oh, dear! I really ought to do something. But I am already in my pyjamas.
[He falls asleep and starts snoring.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Fry and Leela are panting.]
Leela: We can't outrun it forever.
[Fry sees something.]
Fry: Over there! Look! It's the moon landing site! We found it!
[They run towards it. Leela climbs the ladder and pushes open the hatch.]
Leela: Quick, get in.
[Fry sees the American flag.]
Fry: It's that flag from MTV! And Neil Armstrong's footprint! [He stamps over it.] Hey! My foot's bigger! Leela, isn't this the greatest thing you've ever seen?
Leela: Fry, look around. It's just a crummy plastic flag and a dead man's tracks in the dust. [The shadow creeps over Fry and his smile fades.] Now get in here before you freeze.
[Fry sighs and climbs the ladder.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander. Leela helps him in.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. She closes the door just as Bender arrives.]
Bender: Oh, no room for Bender, huh? Fine! I'll go build my own lunar lander, with blackjack and hookers. In fact, forget the lunar lander and the blackjack. Ah, screw the whole thing.
[He walks off.]
[Scene: Apollo 11 Lander. Leela reads the oxygen gauge.]
Leela: Well if the oxygen holds out we might live long enough to starve to death.
Fry: Look, Leela, I'm sorry. I never should have dragged you out here.
Leela: That's right, you shouldn't have. I still don't get what the big attraction is.
Fry: I never told anybody this but a thousand years ago I used to look up at the moon and dream about being an astronaut. I just didn't have the grades. Nor the physical endurance. Plus I threw up a lot and nobody liked spending a week with me.
Leela: A week would be a little much.
Fry: The moon was like this awesome, romantic, mysterious thing, hanging up there in the sky where you could never reach it, no matter how much you wanted to. But you're right. Once you're actually here it's just a big dull rock. I guess I just wanted you to see it through my eyes, the way I used to.
[Leela looks through a window. She sees the Earth.]
Leela: Fry, look. It really is beautiful. I don't know why I never noticed before.
[Bender runs towards the capsule.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The farmer follows him, driving a large vehicle with rotating spikes at the front.]
Farmer: Had to come back for the Crushinator, eh, robot? Well I got you this time.
[The spikes get closer to Bender. The Planet Express ship swoops in above them. The magnetic winch lowers towards Bender.]
[Cut to: Apollo 11 Lander.]
Fry: It's Amy! We're saved!
Leela: Amy? Where'd she learn to operate the controls like that?
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy operates the winch expertly, having practised at the Luna Park with the claw game. The toys from the game are piled up in the corner.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. The winch gets closer to Bender.]
Bender: Not the magnet! No! No! No-- [The winch grabs him.] Uh-oh!
[Cut to: Ships Cockpit. Amy cheers.]
[Cut to: Lunar Surface. Bender kicks his legs and waves his arms around as he flies away from the farmer attached to the winch.]
Bender: (singing) She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes,
She'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes--
(talking) I'll kill you Amy!
(singing) She'll be comin' round the mountain,
She'll be comin' round the mountain,
She'll be comin'--
[He slams into the side of the lunar lander and it takes off. The farmer watches the ship fly away and takes off his space helmet and jumps on it.]
Farmer: Aw, dang it!
[He starts to choke then collapses. He reaches over to the helmet and puts it back on and breathes. Bender, still attached to the side of the lander, carries on singing.]
Bender: (singing) She'll be riding six white horses when she comes,
She'll be riding six white horses when she comes--
(talking) Hey, I'm pretty good!
(singing) She'll be riding six white horses...
Leela: (from lander) So, Fry, was the real moon anything like the moon you used to dream about?
Fry: (from lander) Well ... close enough!
Bender: [singing; over credits] Well I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun,
Oh, I'll shoot her with my ray gun,
Yes, I'll shoot her with my ray gun when she comes,
When she comes!
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
I'll be blastin' all the humans,
I'll be blastin' all the humans,
I'll be blastin' all the humans in the world,
In the world!
(shouting) One more time!