Cubert's Rants

Brannigan Begin Again

Cheater!: How could Bender's "chess" (or whatever) pieces attack Fry? They're holograms!

Solution by Bosda: Solid Light Holograms. Sold Light Holograms...with prior criminal convictions. For Assault. And Moonshining. And Assault. New!

Slip of the Tongue: Hermes tells Fry that the DOOP is just like "the Federation from your old Star Trek programs". It's forbidden to say Star Trek! How can a rule-loving bureaucrat break a police-enforced taboo?

Solution by Bosda: Same way you account for the "smoking material" Hermes keeps hidden in a shoebox under the bed? New!

Criminals!: When the scissors come in an addressed package, why do the crew simply take them out and deliver them on their own? Isn't it a felony to tamper with mail that isn't yours?

Solution by Bosda: Mail? Who says it's mail? Planet Express is a private shipping firm, like UPS. Only with Mad Scientists. New!

Be Careful!: Why would the Professor care about the crew, and warn them not to run with scissors. It has been made clear in many episodes that the Professor doesn't care about the safety of the crew.

Solution by Bosda: but the safety scissors are round at the end, so they are a non-hazard in the first place. And old people like the attention. New!

Survivors?: Why would the DOOP members survive the exploding space station? Even if their module of the station was not blown up, wouldn't they have all been sucked out into the vacuum and killed?

Solution by Bosda: Airtight section doors slam shut automatically, to prevent explosive decompression. New!

Court Martial!: If Zapp was about to blow up DOOP headquarters, wouldn't Kif have the authority (in fact be obliged) to strip Zapp of his command?

Solution by Bosda: If Zap could be removed by Kif for stupidity, it would have happened years ago. Possibly before Zap was born. New!

My Brave Crew!: Where is the crew on Zapp's ship? There were many people on Zapp's bridge back in "Love's Labours Lost in Space"!

Solution by Bosda: Medidate upon the phrase "casuality rate", Grasshopper. New!

Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury: What is a robot elder from Chapek 9 doing on the jury? Why would a humanoid kiling machine be in a federation of humanoid planets?

Solution by Bosda: After the lugnut shortage was exposed, his government was overthrown, & he fled to the DOOP. Or, part-time job. New!

Light Sentence!: Wouldn't Zapp receive a slightly more severe punishment than being discharged, after destroying the $400bn DOOP headquarters, regardless of the incompetence of the hillbilly prosecutor?

Solution by mtvcdm - As I said before, naked pictures with a Shetland Pony of the DOOP leader.

You're Hired!: Why would the Professor want Zapp on his crew? Would you entrust your package to such an incompetent person?

Solution by Bosda: The Professor is senile. Which puts him 5 point ahead of Zap, and 15 ahead of Fry. Still.... New!

It Was the Only Place I Could Park!: Why didn't Leela land closer to the hotel? It would have been a hell of a lot easier!

Solution by Bosda: Only parking close to the hotel is valet parking, & Leela didn't want the fenders dented. New!

Heavy Rain: The rain wouldn't actually be too heavy on a high-gravity world. Due to the way rain forms, the drops would be much smaller, and so wouldn't be all that heavy.

Suit Up!: How did Zapp force the space-suit onto Kif? There's no way he could have got it onto his legs while he was standing on the ground!

Solution by Bosda: Kif is made of fluid-filled bladders. That, & Zap found a way to make suiting up both painful & humiliating. New!