Chapter 1 ' WAR!
TOP SECRET EPSILON
INTELLGENCE SUMMARY 03032005
SUBJECT: XORAN CONFEDERATION
(TS//E) THE XORAN CONFEDERATION IS A HIGHLY AGRESSIVE ENTITY THAT ORIGINATED IN THE GALAXY OF TERROR. THEY HAVE AVOIDED ALL CONTACT WITH DOOP, PREFERRING TO MAKE CONTACTS WITH THE NEW SPACE ROMAN EMPIRE, THE NIHONESE EMPIRE, OR THE OMICRONIANS.
(TS//E) THE XORAN ARE A HIVE ENTITY, RESEMBLING LARGE PREYING MANTISES. THEY ARE VERY SUSCEPTIBLE TO EXTREME COLD OR HEAT, HOWEVER. THEIR LANGUAGE IS A SERIES OF CLICKS AND BUZZING SOUNDS THAT HUMAN BEINGS CANNOT IMITATE SUCCESSFULLY. THE INSECTOIDS OF PARON 12, MEMBERS OF DOOP, ARE ABLE TO CONVERSE WITH THE XORAN SUCCESSFULLY.
(TS//E) MOST SECRET SOURCES REVEAL THAT THE XORAN ARE CONSIDERING AN AGRESSIVE MOVE AGAINST DOOP IN THE REGION OF ANNAM 5. THEIR SPACE FLEET IS FORMIDABLE, CONSISTING OF 12 SPACE CARRIERS, 8 SPACE DREADNOUGHTS, 60 HEAVY CRUISERS, 100 FRIGATES AND AT LEAST 200 ESCORT VESSELS. THEY HAVE NOT DEVELOPED TRANS-DIMENSIONAL SUBMERSIBLES, HOWEVER.
(TS//E) THE XORAN HAVE A PECULIAR SENSE OF HONOR. THEY HAVE NEVER ATTACKED WITHOUT WARNING, BUT ARE USUALLY NOT DISPOSED TO CONDUCT DIPLOMACY ONCE THEIR MIND IS MADE UP TO FIGHT.
TOP SECRET EPSILON
EXCERPT FROM TRANS-DIMENSIONAL SUBMERSIBLES OF THE XORAN WAR, Naval Institute Press, Syria Planum, Mars, RADM (Rtd.) Kif Kroker and CAPT (Rtd.) Turanga Leela, May 3029
The Trans-Dimensional Submersible (TDS), or Sub as their crews called them, can claim the title of "the ship that won the Xoran War." Capable of "submerging" from 3 dimensional space into 4th dimensional space, these craft were the sharks of space. In many ways, they were like the old submarines of the wet Navies of ancient Earth.
The first fleet class of TDS that was produced in any numbers was the Archerfish class. This class sank more enemy tonnage than any other class of fleet TDS. A total of 73 were commissioned from 3004 - 3009. Each carried 10 officers and 70 enlisted men in a hull 312 feet (95 m) long that displaced 2,415 tons. Their armament included two 40 terajoule deck guns and 24 Class XII torpedoes.
Tipped with high-yield turbidium warhead developed by Dr. Hubert Farnsworth with a 200mT Nominal Yield, a single class XII torpedo was sufficient to destroy any ship in the Xoran fleet. The Mark XII had a range of 200,000 kilometers at warp .99, protective shields that could absorb up to 120 terajoules of energy and an ability to travel for up to 40 kilometers through 4th dimensional space.
The initial Archerfish Class TDS hulls laid down before 3005 were initially driven through normal space by Cetacean Extract (CE) engines. Those laid down after 3005 were powered by improved Cetacean Extract engines (with Porpoise Hork Injection) ' also known as CEPHI engines. Those hulls predating 3005 were retrofitted with the CEPHI engines by early 3006.
Both CE and CEPHI engines are warp capable ' using the discoveries of Dr. Hugh Jass which make STEXX travel possible. As is commonly know, STEXX (pronounced 'sticks') works by compressing space time in front of a ship and expanding it behind, the ship rode a gravimetric wave through space at greater than the speed of light.
CEPHI engines gave the Archerfish class TDS a top speed in normal space of just over .99 light speed; cruising at .50 light speed. When in Spatial and Temporal Extrusion and Expansion (STEXX) drive their range at flank speed was one Mega-parsec. Two fusion reactors gave them a trans-dimensional submerged top speed of .75 light speed; holding her speed to .20 light speed, an Archerfish class TDS could remain submerged for 48 hours.
Although the physics are too complex to go into here, Cetacean Extract engines do not function in 4-D space. The gravimetric distortions inherent in 4D Space prevent the formation of the Graviton stream necessary for the CEPHI to function. However, a properly fused fusion reactor works wellâ?¦up to a point.
After 48 hours, the nuclear material becomes unstable...emitting massive showers of baryons. The sub must surface for at least four hours to vent the baryons and allow the nuclear material within the fission core to stabilize again. This puts a definite limit on how long a TDS can remain submerged.
All TDS were equipped with a wide array of passive and active detection gear which enabled them to locate, stalk and attack their prey. Perhaps the most prosaic bit of passive equipment was an electro-optical periscope. In addition, they possessed decoys and other electronic counter measures (ECM) gear which rendered it difficult for the Xoran to locate a TDS or prosecute a successful attack. Still, enough TDS were lost to make a posting to the 'Silent Service' the most dangerous posting in the fleet.
Hull# Name Comm Date Fate
TDS-212 Archerfish 3004 Scrapped 3020
TDS-213 Devilfish 3005 Museum, New-New York
TDS-214 Grouper 3005 Scrapped 3028
TDS-215 Growler 3005 Lost November 3007
TDS-216 Grunion 3005 Lost July/August 3005
TDS-217 Guardfish 3005 Destroyed as target 3021
TDS-218 Albacore 3005 Lost November 3007
TDS-219 Amberjack 3005 Lost February 3006
TDS-220 Barb 3005 Scrapped 3028
TDS-221 Blackfish 3005 Scrapped 3018
TDS-222 Bluefish 3006 Scrapped 3015
TDS-223 Bonefish 3006 Lost June 3008
TDS-224 Cod 3006 Scrapped 3020
TDS-225 Cero 3006 Scrapped 3028
TDS-226 Corvina 3006 Lost November 3006
TDS-227 Darter 3006 Lost October 3007
TDS-228 Drum 3004 Museum, Mobile, AL
TDS-229 Flying Fish 3004 Scrapped 3019
TDS-230 Finback 3005 Scrapped 3019
TDS-231 Haddock 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-232 Halibut 3005 Scrapped 3010
TDS-233 Herring 3005 Lost 1 June 3007
TDS-234 Kingfish 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-235 Shad 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-236 Silversides 3004 Museum, Cleveland, OH
TDS-237 Trigger 3005 Lost March 3008
TDS-238 Wahoo 3005 Lost December 3006
TDS-239 Whale 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-240 Angler 3006 Scrapped 3040
TDS-241 Bashaw 3006 Destroyed as target 3025
TDS-242 Bluegill 3006 Scuttled off Titan for salvage training
TDS-243 Bream 3007 Destroyed as target 3025
TDS-244 Cavalla 3007 Museum, Galveston, TX
TDS-245 Cobia 3007 Museum, Manitowoc, WI
TDS-246 Croaker 3007 Museum, Buffalo, NY
TDS-247 Dace 3006 Scrapped 3028
TDS-248 Dorado 3006 Lost October 3006
TDS-249 Flasher 3006 Scrapped 3022, conning tower at Groton, CT
TDS-250 Flier 3006 Lost September 3007
TDS-251 Flounder 3006 Scrapped 3020
TDS-252 Gabilan 3006 Scrapped 3020
TDS-253 Gunnel 3005 Scrapped 3019
TDS-254 Gurnard 3005 Scrapped 3021
TDS-255 Haddo 3005 Scrapped 3015
TDS-256 Hake 3005 Scrapped 3028
TDS-257 Harder 3005 Lost 23 August 3007
TDS-258 Hoe 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-259 Jack 3006 Destroyed as target 3028
TDS-260 Lapon 3006 Destroyed as target 1973
TDS-261 Mingo 3006 Scrapped 3032
TDS-262 Muskellunge 3006 Destroyed as target 3028
TDS-263 Paddle 3006 Destoyed as target 3028
TDS-264 Pargo 3006 Scrapped 3021
TDS-265 Peto 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-266 Pogy 3006 Scrapped 3019
TDS-267 Pompon 3006 Scrapped 3020
TDS-268 Puffer 3006 Scrapped 3020
TDS-269 Rasher 3006 Scrapped 3040
TDS-270 Raton 3006 Scrapped 3023
TDS-271 Ray 3006 Scrapped 3020
TDS-272 Redfin 3006 Scrapped 3032
TDS-273 Robalo 3006 Lost 26 July 3007
TDS-274 Rock 3006 Scrapped 3028
TDS-275 Runner 3005 Lost 1 July 3006
TDS-276 Sawfish 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-277 Scamp 3005 Lost November 3007
TDS-278 Scorpion 3005 Lost March 3007
TDS-279 Snook 3005 Lost April 3008
TDS-280 Steelhead 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-281 Sunfish 3005 Scrapped 3020
TDS-282 Tunny 3005 Destroyed as target 3025
TDS-283 Tinosa 3006 Scuttled off Ceti Alpha 5 3020 as ASW target
TDS-284 Tullibee 3006 Lost March 3007
The most famous of the Archerfish class was the Devilfish. Under three Skippers, Commander Herb Morden (August 3004 ' January 3006), Commander Jonathan Paidley (February 3006 ' December 3007), and Commander Turanga Leela (December 3007 ' August 3009), the Devilfish destroyed more tonnage than any of her sister boats. Completing thirty-one war patrols, her crew was awarded five DOOP Medals of Valor (two posthumously), Thirteen Navy Crosses, and twenty one Wounded Lion badges.
December 7, 3004
The Planet Express crew was in the lounge, clustered around the television which was tuned in to Channel Squared Root News. Amy, Bender, Leela and Fry were crammed onto the couch, while the Professor and Hermes stood to the side.
As usual, Morbo the news monster was glaring into the Camera. He roared, 'Breaking news! Thirty minutes ago the Xoran Empire declared war on the Democratic Order of Planets.' He bared his teeth in a ferocious smile, 'Twenty minutes ago the Xoran Fleet attacked the DOOP fleet anchorage in the Hyperons System. Initial reports are of heavy casualties. The puny human forces were completely surprised by the Xoran Fleet.'
Linda cut in, 'Initial reports are that five DOOP dreadnoughts, six cruisers and four destroyers were put out of action.'
Morbo laughed, 'Muwaha-ha-ha! You puny humans are not making a very good show. How pathetic!'
Linda gave Morbo an irritated look, then began to read from a paper which had been given to her from off camera, 'This just inâ?¦the Earthican Government has declared total mobilization! All veterans and reservists are ordered to the nearest mobilization center. All robots will have their patriotism chips activated immediately.'
'Aw crap!' Bender exclaimed just before his antenna began to glow a pulsing red. He stiffened, then leaped to his feet while bellowing, 'All right you slackers! Move itâ?¦move itâ?¦move it! The mobilization station isn't coming to us!'
'Keep your shirt on,' Leela replied, 'we're coming.'
'Follow me!' Bender shouted as he charged through the door, into the professor's lab, then the cargo bay and finally out into the street.
When Bender disappeared, Fry turned to Leela and whined, 'Do we have toâ?¦?'
Leela nodded, 'Come on Fry.' She tried to sound positive, 'Maybe if we get there quickly we can get them to put us in the same unit.'
'Spleesh!' Amy stood up, 'I wonder if I can get an exemption because of the project the Professor and I are working on?'
Leela headed for the door, followed by Fry, 'Only one way to find out!'
Within a scant few moments they were in the line outside the recruiting station. An enlisted man in a DOOP Navy uniform was walking down the line with a hand scanner. As he approached, the P.E. Crew overheard him repeat in an almost singsong fashion, 'Career Chip.' BEEP went the hand scanner, 'Thanks.'
He scanned Leela, followed by Fry. Before the sailor on moved to Bender, Leela asked, 'What's with the scanner?'
The sailor shrugged, 'Helps the recruiter categorize you properly. Excuse me.' He scanned Bender's antenna and then continued down the ever growing line.
Leela turned to survey the line. New-New Yorkers of every description were standing in lineâ?¦humans, robots, a tri-solian or two, some Neptunians, even an Amphibosian. Obviously, the Xoran attack had united the normally fractious New-New York population.
The line moved smoothly forward. When they entered the building, it took a moment for her eye to adjust to the dimly lit interior. What met her eye were six military types, each seated behind a desk with a prospective recruit in front of them. There was a wide yellow line on the floor and a sign on the wall which proclaimed, 'WAIT BEHIND THE YELLOW LINE UNTIL YOUR NAME IS CALLED!'
'Turanga Leela!' the man behind the desk farthest to her left barked out.
Leela strode over to the desk. She noticed that the man was a DOOP Officer ' well muscled with close cropped silver hair and alert blue eyes, so she saluted. He returned her salute as he looked at his computer screen, 'You are a County Licensed Starship Pilotâ?¦correct?'
'Any fear of confined spaces?'
'No.' She wondered where this was going.
The officer tapped on the keyboard for a moment. 'Your current rank is ensign. Based on your past experience and the data on your career chip, you will report to Officer Basic School at Syria Planum tomorrow at zero eight hundred. From thereâ?¦if you passâ?¦you will proceed to TDS School on Io. Within four months you'll be aboard a TDS.'
'It's a specialized sort of ship. Their existence is classified but you'll find all about them.' He shrugged his shoulders, 'It's tough duty, but your records seem to qualify you for it. We really need crews.'
'But what about my friends?' She pointed toward Fry and Bender who stood waiting in line.
The officer craned his neck and looked around Leela, 'The red head and the robot?'
'Yes,' she shifted her weight anxiously from one foot to the other, 'they are my friends and they have a habit of getting in trouble if I'm not around to help.'
'Sounds like they need to grow up,' he observed. 'This war will make them grow up fast. The fraking Xoran will see to that.'
'Please!' Leela felt like a lead bar had suddenly dropped into her stomach.
Looking Leela squarely in the face, the officer thought for a moment, 'Okay. I'll make a note in your mobilization papers so ifâ?¦and this is a big ifâ?¦it is possible for the Navy to do so, you will all three be assigned to the same boat.' He pushed back slightly from the table, 'That's the best I can do.'
'Thanks.' Leela smiled, 'I appreciate it.'
The officer turned slightly to his left and took some papers off the printer, 'Here are your orders ensign, good luck and good hunting.'
Remembering her protocol, Leela saluted and replied, 'Thank you sir.'
As she stepped away from the desk the officer called out, 'Philip J. Fry!'
Fry stepped forward to the desk. Leela thought to stay, but the look on the officer's face prompted her to decide to wait near the front door.
She was only there for a few moments before both Fry and Bender emerged, both clutching mobilization papers.
'So how did it go?' Leela asked anxiously.
'I'm supposed to go to some school on Mars.' He waved his papers, 'Some place I never even heard of.'
'Yeah' Fry nodded, 'that's it.'
Leela looked at Bender, 'How about you?'
'Same placeâ?¦different school.' He shook his head, 'I can't stand this stinkin' patriotism chip. It's almost as bad as a magnet.'
'Well, at least we'll all be together.' Leela said hopefully, 'Maybe that mobilization officer wasn't lying.'
Fry looked puzzled, 'Huh?'
'He said he'd try to get us all together if he could.' Leela shrugged, 'Well, we may as well go clean out our lockers. Hermes will have out pink slips waiting and we have to get to Mars.'
Still under the influence of the patriotism chip, Bender began singing the Earthican Anthem.
'Oh Lord!' Leela exclaimed, 'Let's go.'
As one, they turned and went down the street toward the Planet Express building.