Futurama

Fan Fiction

When Ants Attack
By Zoey Webber

Two weeks after the whole Mars Vegas heist, It was a sunny day in New New York at Planet Express. Everyone had just come back from a mission. Bender was the first to get out of the ship. Everyone else was struggling and in pain. Fry, Leela, Amy, and Hermes all had blood stains on the back of their pants.

FRY: Oooooh, Bender! Why did you rob that space treasury planet we were just on? You stole almost all the coins there!

LEELA: They thought we were the ones who were robbing them. AHHHHHH!!!!

BENDER: The reason I did that is because I had so much fun doing that heist back on Mars Vegas.....that.....I wanted to recapture the magic of that moment! To have a casino of my own........

AMY: That heist I planned was to save my family. OUCH!!!!!

HERMES: Sweet Icepicks of Reykjavik, they shot us with hemmoroid guns! Sooooooooo!!!!!

AMY: What do you have to say for yourself?

BENDER: Hey, it's not my fault! That's the price you pay for having such wimpy fleshy asses! *laughs*

FARNSWORTH: *gasps* Why is everyone's behinds all bloody?

FRY: Is there a cure for this? Oooooh......

FARNSWORTH: Yes there is! Zoidberg has just made some butt cream.

ZOIDBERG *walks into the room and holds the tube*: TA DA!

BENDER: Big deal, any loser can invent some soothing cream.

ZOIDBERG: This stuff is called Preparation Zoid!

BENDER *laughs*: You named a butt cream after yourself! How fitting! *laughs*

ZOIDBERG: Okay, line up everyone!

Fry was the first to get the Preparation Zoid butt cream treatment and it burned really bad he screamed in pain. Then it was Leela's turn.

LEELA *screams*: This isn't soothing! It still hurts. I won't be able to sit down for a week!

Hermes and Amy get some butt cream.

AMY: *screams in Cantonese*

Bender gets a video camera. Zoidberg as done giving Preparation Zoid to everyone.

HERMES: What's with the video camera?

BENDER: I want to make a rock video out of this.

LEELA: Why, so you can humiliate us? No way! *throws the camera out of Bender's hands*

BENDER: AWWWW, Dammit!

The next day, Bender was walking down the streets of New New York, Fry comes up to him with a treebranch.

FRY: Bender! Look what I did!

The treebranch has some gum on it.

FRY: I was able to pick up some gum on the street onto this treebranch! Isn't that awesome!

BENDER *slaps the treebranch out of Fry's hands*: Fry, you have to do something more profound than that if you're going to be as impressive and cool as me.

FRY: What do you have in mind?

BENDER: How about helping me build my own casino? Like I mentioned before....

FRY: Sure, I would be happy to do that!

Two weeks later when Bender built his own casino in New New York, he was arrested and was sent to 11 Worth Veriable Security Prison for a maxiumum of 3 weeks. Once the three weeks have passed, Leela flies the Planet Express Ship there along with Fry and the others.

FRY: Not this spooky prison planet again.

LEELA: Afraid so, Fry. You'll have to learn how to suck it in.

HERMES: We can finally explain to Bender why he got arrested for building that casino.

AMY: It would do him some good being in here....

They went through security and went to Bender's cell. It was his last day there.

BENDER: You guys came for me?

FRY: We paid your bail, dude!

BENDER: Why in the hell did I get arrested for building a casino? I got Silicon Red's old cell!

LEELA: That's what we came to tell you.

Bender was out of his cell and they were leading him back to the PE Ship.

HERMES: The reason why your casino was illegal was because William Randolph Hearst's head was elected in the New New York Senate.

BENDER: You mean the chump who made pot illegal?

HERMES: Chump? You better believe he is. Damn him! He made building casinos in New New York illegal.

LEELA: That's right. We also learned that building a casino without a permit is illegal all over the universe!

BENDER: You mean, Me.....Bender will never have his own casino?

FRY: Probably not.

HERMES: What about Mars Vegas?

LEELA: Well, you can try Mars Vegas!

Bender: What? Then have those martians and Amy's parents take it over? No way!

AMY: Splay! Don't make fun of my parents!

BENDER: Well, we'll just have to find a place where it is legal! To the ship, already!

Everyone runs back to the PE Ship as Bender flies it back. Later on, Bender does some research at the library to find a planet that's legal to build a casino. He finds a computer book and types in 'legal to build a casino' and up comes "The Planet Sandhill".

BENDER: YES! I did it! Who's the greatest awesomest most cool robot! Bender! That's who! Woooo!

HATTIE: Hey, this is a library! Keep it down in there!

BENDER: GO to hell!

After Bender leaves the library he goes back to Planet Express and tells the good news. Everyone was watching All My Circuits.

BENDER: Guess what I just found out?

ZOIDBERG: That I won the lottery?

BENDER: It's perfectly legal to build your own casino on the planet Sandhill!

LEELA: Sandhill? What kind of a planet is that?

FRY: Sounds too deserty for my tastes. Deserty? That's a word, right?

FARNSWORTH: He's right, I'm afraid. The Planet Sandhill is a planet full of ants.

AMY: An ant planet? How many insect planets are there?

BENDER: So, how much you all want to bet that I can build the most fanastic, most radical casino on that planet?

HERMES: Betting you'll fail in two weeks.

BENDER: I'll kick your ass later for that remark from you, Hermes! Better get to work.

Once All My Circuits was over, Fry goes down to the basement and sees Bender. It looks like Bender is cleaning money and putting it on the clothesline.

FRY: What up, Bender? What's with the money cleaning?

BENDER: This isn't real money, Fry.

FRY: It's not? What exactly is your plan here?

BENDER: I'm making counterfeit money! This isn't orindary counterfeit. It's magic! The fake money I'm using is to build all the games, then I'm going to make the ants play my games and then the money I'm using is going to rig all the games so those loser ants all give me all of their money and so all the money they win will all go to me. Gonna get rich off those morons! Did a mention this fake money has a telepathic power?

FRY: You're doing this just so you can cheat? I have to tell the Professor and Leela about this....

BENDER *grabs Fry by the throat*: If you breathe a word of this to anyone, I will paint your back porch as red as your leather jacket! Do I make myself, clear!

FRY *chokes*: Very clear, Bender!

Bender was using Preparation Zoid to glue together the money used to build the games. Bender even used paint to glaze over the money when he was making the stuff for the casino. The conterfeit money had a telekentic power.

The next day, Bender got all the games built from the counterfeit money he used to build on them and put them on the ship Farnsworth comes in for a mission.

FARNSWORTH: Good news, everyone.

FRY: What will we deliver today, Professor?

FARNSWORTH: I'm sending you all to the planet Sandhill to deliver this bag of sugar.

LEELA: Isn't that where Bender's going to build this casino of his?

FARNSWORTH: Precisely! Then I want you all to come back when you're done.

BENDER *excitedly*: Sandhill? Yes, score! Did you say Sandhill?

FARNSWORTH: Yes, but you're not building that casino there.

BENDER: Sure, whatever you say....*looks slyly on*.

HERMES: We'll make sure Bender never builds that casino, Professor.

AMY: We'll come right back when we're done with the mission.

ZOIDBERG: Anyone seen my Preparation Zoid?

Fry, Bender, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all board the ship as Leela carries the bad of sugar. The ship takes off and heads for Sandhill, the all ant planet.

BENDER: This is an awesome coincedence! We're all going to Sandhill to deliver that sugar, and I can build my casino at the same time!

LEELA: We're not letting you do this! After the mission, we're headed straight back home!

FRY: I agree with Leela. This time, we're not going to give into you talk us into anything you always want to do! Like my old friend Quincy wanted me to sneak alcohol into high school party so he'll get a date for me at the prom. Never got my date.....

BENDER: You should've went for it, Fry! Then you would've gotten the girl! You really need to loosen up a little and stop being a Goody Two Shoes!

ZOIDBERG: What is so bad about being a goody two shoes? Adam Ant is one! Hooray! I made a reference to ants and we're going to a planet full of them!

AMY: Is that the planet? Why is it so yellow?

LEELA: Because it's full of sand where ants live. Get the bag of sugar ready.

HERMES: Remember Bender, we're going straight home after this. You'd think being in jail for building that casino would teach you a lesson..

BENDER: You guys are right. Forget the casino, really....

As the PE Ship lands on the Planet Sandhill they were preparing to deliver the bag of sugar. The planet looked like an open sandy land with a lake. Anthills were houses, stores, and banks. Then Bender takes out of chloroform and uses it on everybody. Zoidberg was last.

ZOIDBERG: Look at that lake. It's like an Oasis Wonderwall! Wow! I'm on a roll today! I'm just getting started! *gets knocked out by choloform*

BENDER: HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Fooled you! Chumps!

Everyone was knocked out from the chloroform and Bender throws the sugar into the river that made ants go to it. Moments later, Bender takes out all of his games he made for the casino and builds the casino by using an air pump and pumped air that looked like a building called Insta Casino. The Casino appeared suddenly and Bender put all of the games in. The games were a wheel, poker, blackjack, card tables, and slot machines. Moments later, Ants were lined up at Bender's Casino and Fry, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were all waking up. Bender also used Insta Hotel to pump up a hotel suite next to the casino.

FRY: Where are we?

LEELA: Did we deliver that sugar?

HERMES: Don't remember a thing?

BENDER: Good morning, losers!

AMY: Bender! You went ahead and did the casino thing, didn't you?

BENDER: As Farnsworth would say, indeed! I got jobs for all of you! Hermes and Zoidbutt are going to work the card tables. Amy, you're a cigars and cigarettes girl, Leela, you're the hostess, and Fry, you'll serve drinks.

FRY *sees the ants*: Looks like we're getting service already....

BENDER: You're all going to help me pump these ants dry and have a heist of my own! We're all going to the jungle! The Asphalt Jungle!

LEELA *sighs*: Guess I'm in....

Bender's casino looked like a typical casino. Leela was the hostess who was welcoming the ants in. The music played Earth, Wind, and Fire, Fuel, and Godsmack. Two ants who were security guards in the background installed camera and a camera room.

LEELA: Welcome to Bender's Casino. Hope you enjoy your stay. *sees a married couple of ants walk by her*

MAN ANT: Honey, you told me this was a family place....

WOMAN ANT: So, I lied so we can have some alone time, so what?

Bender was at the door taking all the money he did from the ants who payed.

AMY *walking by*: Cigars. Cigarettes. Cigars. Cigarettes.......

LEELA: Everything fine and good with you, Amy?

AMY: My feet are killing me. What's Bender thinking...

LEELA: Bender will be punished for this some way. Hopefully, it will blow over.

Some ants surround Amy. All the ants were male and female. The ants were from all walks of life.

ANT ONE: I'll have a cigar!

ANT TWO: I want a cigarette!

ANT THREE: Have any vapors!

AMY: One at a time, spleesh!

The ants all came and had taken all of Amy's cigars and cigarettes. Over at the cards table, Hermes was betting on cards.

HERMES: Who here had the Ace of Spades!

ANT FOUR: I did!

A bell rings and some money lands in Bender's chest.

BENDER: All right! Keep 'em comin'! It's going smoothly according to plan!

ZOIDBERG: So, what do you ants all do for a living?

ANT FIVE: I'm a farmer.

ZOIDBERG: I am too! I'm an orange farmer.

ANT SIX: No kidding. I also have a farm of sugar beets.

ZOIDBERG: I'll bet you're a gentleman's ant, huh! *laughs*

An Ant was over at the the wheel.

ANT SEVEN: YES! Score! Black 25!

FRY: You deserve a drink! Have one on me! *gives the ant a drink*

A siren went off and some more money went into Bender's chest. After a whole day of casino games, Bender shows the ants to a suite.

MAN ANT: We need a break, but we'll for sure come back!

BENDER: You need the honeymoon suite! Right this way!

Bender leads the ants to a tacky hotel room that had a noisy elevator.

WOMAN ANT: Uhhhh, thanks.

The noisy elevator made a frightening sound that sounding like a freight train.

MAN ANT: Aren't you going to have the elevator fixed?

BENDER: Don't worry about it. Ignore it, and have a good night sleep!

The next day, Bender had everyone do their jobs at the casino.

LEELA: How much money are you making off of this?

BENDER *counts his money*: $5000 so far! Best thing in the world that has ever happened to me!

FRY: Not to some of us you know...

HERMES: Everytime an ant won, I keep seeing coins always go inside Bender's chest.

AMY: Is this place rigged or something?

BENDER *nervously chuckles*: No, it's not rigged....heh heh.....where do you get an idea like that.....

FRY: Rigged? I didn't have any idea of that.....

Even though Fry already knew the games were rigged, he decided to keep it to himself.

LEELA: Lets go to our places, people.

BENDER: I also had a hotel built, too.

Everyone went on to do their jobs. Zoidberg sees a camera.

ZOIDBERG: Say, what's that camera for? Never seen it.

ANT THREE: It's to detect cheating....

Over on the other side, unbeknowst to the Planet Express crew, there was a control room that was spying on them. Some Ant Security Guards who snuck into the casino were watching.

ANT GUARD ONE: Why is it whenever these ants play a game, the robot always gets the coins....

ANT GUARD TWO: It puzzles me, too. Maybe we should notify the ant police.

The two ant security guards called the Ant Police. One was named Detective Thorax and the other Officer Antlers.

DET. THORAX: Thanks for telling us this.

OFF. ANTLERS: We'll get right on this! We'll work undercover.

Back at Bender's Casino, Zoidberg walks around the place and accidently runs into a Cowboy Ant who's card fell out of his sleeve.

ZOIDBERG: Oops! Sorry!

COWBOY ANT: Watch where you're going!

ZOIDBERG *sees the card*: Is this your card? I saw it fell out of your sleeve, sir?

COWBOY ANT: The only thing I have up my sleeves is my arms!

ZOIDBERG: What? Don't think the owner Bender would approve, I'm just trying to prevent anyone from cheating and....

COWBOY ANT: CHEATING?!?!?!?!

The Cowboy Ant beats up Zoidberg merecelessly. Fry comes up with a serving tray.

FRY: Want a drink, sir?

The Cowboy Ant takes the beer mug and hits Zoidberg over the head with it.

ZOIDBERG: FRY! Call an ambulance!

FRY: I don't know where I can reach one on this planet....I better get out of here before he attacks me.

The day went on and all of the ants in the casino were paying Bender up front and won any of the games, all the coins go inside Bender's chest. Det. Throax and Off. Antlers entered the casino. None of the ants knew that Bender was conning them out of their money.

DET THORAX *walks up to Zoidberg*: You a farmer?

ZOIDBERG: I am!

Det. Thorax and Off. Antlers help Zoidberg recover from his ordeal with the Cowboy Ant and go to the poker table. Bender still continues to steal the coins all the ants were winning. Amy was still selling cigars and cigarettes, Hermes was still dealing cards, and Leela was greeting ants as they walked in.

OFF. ANTLERS *bandaging Zoidberg*: You okay, sir?

ZOIDBERG: I'm used to it. Get pushed around a lot.....

DET. THORAX: Why don't you tell us more about that orange farm of yours?

ZOIDBERG: Hooray! These nice ants want to hear about Zoidberg!

For the past five hours Zoidberg keeps talking on and on non stop about this nonexistant Orange Farm.

ZOIDBERG: Then I tell 'em, orange blossoms....I mean orange marmalaide! *laughs*

DET. THORAX: Okay, whatever....

OFF. ANTLERS: Moving on now....

ZOIDBERG *laughing*: Want to know what else I told 'em?

DET. THORAX: No, and WE DON'T CARE!!!!!!

The married ant couple finally get wise and realize something strange about Bender's Casino.

MAN ANT: Did you notice something, honey?

WOMAN ANT: I did......

MAN ANT: There's never any money coming out of these games?

WOMAN ANT: Wonder why?

ANT ONE: Now that you mention this.....I ran all out of money to play the games!

ANT TWO: I did, too.

ANT THREE: Why wasn't there ever any money coming out of these slots?

Det. Thorax and Off. Antlers leave Zoidberg at the poker table and the table broke, and they made a shocking discovery. The ants came up to them to talk to them about it.

ZOIDBERG: Come back and see me sometime!

ANT FOUR: Excuse me, did anyone see anything about missing money?

DET. THORAX: That's what we're here to find out.

OFF. ANTLERS *carries the chunk of table*: We're undercover cops. We're very suspicious about this Bender fellow. *calls ant police* Hello? We just discovered these casino games are made from some kind of magical counterfeit money that used for teleportation and hemmeroid cream was used for glue. Can you analyze it for forsenics?

Det Thorax sent the chuck of table to the police station through a transporter.

OFF. ANTLERS: If this is what we think it is, this Bender is going to be in a lot of trouble.

ANT FIVE: Thank you so much, officers. For a while we could not figure out why this is happening to our money and our winnings.

Tommorow came and everyone was at their stations. Outside the casino, the married ant couple were stating a revolt. Ants were armed with torches and pitchforks.

MAN ANT: We came here to have some fun?

ANTS: YES!!

WOMAN ANT: This was the only fun adult place for us, and we keep getting our winnings stolen!

ANTS: YES!!!

MAN ANT: With the police officers on our side, we're going to fight back!

ANTS: YES!!!

WOMAN ANT: And take back everything they've stolen from us!

ANTS: YES!!!

MAN ANT: As soon as the cops come, we're going to tear this place down!

ANTS: YESSS!!!!!!

The ants go marching up to Bender's Casino. Then the ant police have the place surronded and waited for the right time to strike.

BENDER: My very own casino heist was a success! Can you believe how dumb these ants were?

LEELA *hears some commotion*: Don't be so sure about that.

FRY: I hear an army of some sort coming along.

HERMES *looks out the window and gasps*: Sweet Walking Canes of Ukraine! It's the ants!

AMY: They'll know we're stolen from us! Geez! Don't know what I'm saying anymore!

BENDER: WHAT?!!! *tries to hide under a poker table* Tell them I'm not here?

ZOIDBERG: If we get caught, we'll be accessories! *snaps claw* Say, that was hilarious! *laughs* Hooray! I told a funny joke.........again!

Bender, Leela, Fry, Amy, Hermes, and Zoidberg try to fix up the place the best they could, then Det. Thorax and Off. Antlers broke inside along with other ant police!

ANT POLICE: Red alert! Red alert! This is a raid! This is a raid! All you humans and creature, are under arrest!

FRY *looks and gasps*: What did we do?

OFF ANTLERS: We have reason to believe this Bender fellow has rigged all the games here in the casino!

DET. THROAX: That's right! Bender here used counterfeit money with some teleportation powers and hemmoroid cream to steal all the coins from the ants so the coins can be teleported into Bender.

BENDER: NO! NO! Leave me alone! Somebody set me up!

Det. Thorax and Off. Antlers walk up to Bender.

BENDER: It's not me, Bender! You must mean some other Bender! Get Flexo, that dude who looks like me! He's always had it out for me!

OFF ANTLERS: The only Bender here is you!

DET THORAX *hits Bender on the head*: OPen that chest compartment of yours?

BENDER: Fine. But you won't find anything......

Off. Antlers opens up Bender's compartment that has a whole bunch of gold coins inside.

BENDER: Wonder how those got in there...

Off. Antlers and Det. Thorax search Zoidberg.

DET. THORAX: I can't believe a farmer like you is involved in a sicko scheme like this!

ZOIDBERG: HA! I knew it! Knew you couldn't be as cool as an orange farmer as I am! Farmer! Ha! In a pig's cesspool!

DET. THORAX *sees Zoidberg's ID*: Dr. Zoidberg?

ZOIDBERG: Yes?

DET. THORAX: Shut up!

The ant police search Fry, Leela, Hermes, and Amy, too.

LEELA: All right! You caught us.

FRY: We're just as much as victims as the ants.

HERMES: Bender pushed us into this, you have to believe us.

DET. THORAX: According to article 5 chapter 10 section code 282.....

AMY: Oh no here it goes.....

OFF. ANTLERS: Anyone who runs a corrupt business or criminal operation that has a leader and friends. The friends get arrested, too!

LEELA: You can arrest us....

FRY: We feel so bad about this.....

When Off. Antlers and Det. Thorax were about to take the PE Crew into custody, all the ants who got their earning stolen from the casino break in and tear it down!

MAN ANT: We want our money back!

WOMAN ANT: We're taking back what you stole from us!

The ants all rip the place apart as Det. Thorax and Off. Antlers watched on.

OFF. ANTLERS: Should we arrest the ants, too?

DET. THORAX: No.

The ants then carry Bender.

BENDER: You stupid ants! You're supposed to be dumb! I was making a living off of your pain! When it is that ever bad? For turning against me, for getting me arrested and ruining my casino, all you ants of Sandhill can bite me shiny metal....

The ants threw Bender throught a window.

BENDER: AAAAAAAAASSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ants got all of their money back from Bender's schemes. Det. Thorax and Off. Antlers take Fry, Bender, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg into Ant Court for trial. They were all in jumpsuits, handcuffs, and leg irons. Their trial began the next day, and the judge sentenced them.

JUDGE ANT: Bender Bendering Rodriguiz, this court finds you guilty! You and your friends are sentenced to 2000 years to 11 Worth Veriable Security Prison. Case dismissed!

BENDER: You can't do that? Wait? Wasn't I just there for a similar reason?

JUDGE ANT: What were you thinking? You used teleportation counterfeit money to build casino games with, just so all the money the ants won goes to you? And what's the lowest of the low is that you used hemmoroid cream! I have never been more ashamed of anything in my entire life!

All the ants in the courtroom cheered when the PE Crew received their sentence.

At 11 Worth Variable Prison, Fry, Leela, Bender, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were all in a cell together. Zoidberg was playing a bluesy tune on a harmonica.

ZOIDBERG *plays harmonica*: We're in 11 Worth Prison, doing super hard time! We're in 11 Worth Prison doing super hard time...

Bender takes the harmonica away from Zoidberg and breaks it.

BENDER: You've been playing that crap since we got here! Is that the only song you know?

FRY: 2000 years. I might as well be frozen again....

HERMES: You just had to build that casino, didn't you, Bender!

BENDER: So I wanted to make a heist of my own, so sue me!

LEELA: Those ants sure have a cruel corrupt penal system....

AMY: My family will be so disapointed that I ended up in prison. Kiff will divorce me....at this rate, I'll never give my parents a grandchild.

LEELA: Worst part is, we're paying for Bender's crime!

FRY: No kidding there, Leela. We've been Looks like we'll never get out of here....

Just when there wasn't any hope for our heroes, Hyperchicken comes to the door to their cell and unlocks it.

HERMES: Wonder what this could be?

HYPERCHICKEN: You all made bail! *cluck*

ZOIDBERG: We did? It's a miracle!

FRY: Who paid for our bail?

Zapp Branigan shows up with Kiff.

ZAPP: I did!

BENDER *drinks beer and spits it out*: Zapp? We got rescued by ZAPP?

ZAPP: Heard about what happened to you. You know the whole Bender stealing from ants at his casino thingy. So, I pulled some strings (if you know what I mean) and I got you all off.

LEELA: Well, thanks....I guess....

AMY *runs to Kiff*: Oh, Kiffy! Thought I'd never see you again.

KIFF: Oh, Amy! Feel so bad about Bender pushing you into something. Don't ever end up in prison again.

BENDER: Will we have to do community service?

ZAPP: Yes, with me! As part of your community service you're all going to go on a space mission with me and my DOOP soliders. But first, Leela and Amy. You both will have to sleep with me and.....

KIFF *hits Zapp*: Amy! You will sleep with me!

AMY: My pleasure!

LEELA: Well, let's take what we can get!

ZOIDBERG: I'm so happy! Yes, let's indeed take what we can get!

BENDER: Well, I'm okay with it. Just as long as everyone dies and I'm the only survivor! *laughs*

FRY: Bender says the darnest things! Hope none of us get hurt.

Zapp and Kiff both lead Fry, Leela, Bender, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg into the DOOP ship and they all take off for Zapp's big mission.

The End

Buddies