Fan Fiction

Wongfully Accused
By Dwayne Anderson

The Planet Express crew sat around the table in the meeting room one afternoon. Farnsworth had called a meeting. However, the professor was nowhere to be seen.

Bender: Where can that old fart be? I'm gonna miss Elzar's Cooking Show!

Leela: Just be patient Bender. He'll be here soon.

Fry: While I wait, I'm gonna take inventory of what's in my pockets.

He begins to empty out his pockets, taking out one item at a time.

Fry: A pencil...

Amy dozes off, but quickly wakes up.

Fry: A crumpled piece of paper...

Leela: How much can someone keep in their pockets?

Fry: Half a chocolate bar...

Hermes: We get the picture!

Fry takes out a picture of him and Leela together.

Fry: I'm gonna hold on to this one Hermes.

The door opens. In comes Farnsworth, carrying a document on paper.

Leela (to Bender): See? What did I tell you?

Farnsworth stands before the crew.

Farnsworth: I've called this meeting for a very important reason. I have some bad news.

Hermes: Give it to us straight professor. We won't take it badly.

Farnsworth: I've checked our budget this month, and it turns out we're 1% overbudget. That means someone will have to be fired.

The crew gasps.

Farnsworth: I thought you said you wouldn't take it badly.

Bender: He lied! He's a bearocrat! That's what they do!

Fry: Bender, that's the job of a politician.

Laughs are heard from the living room.

Farnsworth: Fry, did you leave the TV on?

Voices in the family room say "Uh oh!"

Farnsworth: Fry, go turn the television off or we'll be 2% overbudget! Do you know what it costs to have satellite TV these days?

Fry stands up and heads for the living room.

Farnsworth: Anyway, in order to balance our budget or at least be underbudget, someone will have to be laid off. Who's it gonna be?

Zoidberg: Amy!

Amy: What?!

Zoidberg: I saw her sleeping on the job today!

Amy: I wasn't sleeping! I was resting my eyes! I didn't get enough sleep last night!

Zoidberg: See what happens when you spend the night out with your boyfriend?

Amy: Well I think Zoidberg should be fired!

Zoidberg: Women, when they like you, you don't like them. But if you like them, they don't like you.

Bender: Nobody likes you Zoidberg!

Zoidberg: That hurts Bender.

Amy: Wait! Zoidberg, you like me?

Zoidberg: As a friend. Come on, where are all my friends here in Planet Express.

Leela: We're all right here, even if we don't admit it.

Fry returns and sits down next to Leela again.

Farnsworth: If everyone's finished aruging about who should keep their job, I'll let you all know that if you do not with to be laid off, you can leave my bribe in my lab.

Leela: Professor, there should be a way in which everyone can keep their job. How about somebody getting a paycut?

Farnsworth: Would you like one?

Everybody: No.

Farnsworth: Or we'll just have to cut off television.

Everybody glares at him.

Farnsworth: Or not.

Bender: There is a third option.

Everyone looks at him.

Hermes: There is?

Bender: Yes. And it involves...murder!

Amy: That's your plan?

Bender: Hey, I don't see anyone else coming up with one!

Farnsworth: I'm afraid that won't be helpful Bender. So, it looks like someone will still have to be laid off.

Everyone groans.

Farnsworth: So who is it gonna be?

Fry(raising his hand): Professor, I've got an idea.

Later Farnsworth is holding numerous coloured straws of different lengths clenched in his hand.

Farnsworth: Whoever draws the shortest straw will be laid off. All agree to go by the rule of the straws.

Reluctantly, everyone nods. Then, they each choose a straw.

Leela: You sure this will work Fry?

Fry: It was used back in my own home time. Very common way to make choices.

Amy is fidgeting with hers. She can tell that she has the shortest straw. She can feel it.

But then, Amy gets an idea, an awful idea, a wonderful awful idea!

Amy (pointing out the window): Hey look! I just saw a UFO!

Everyone turns towards the window. Seizing her chance, Amy takes Zoidberg's straw and replaces it with hers.

No one sees her make the transaction, except for Fry and Leela, who peek over their shoulder.

Farnsworth: I don't see anything Amy.

Amy: You missed it.

Everyone turns away from the window.

Farnsworth: Alright everyone, open your hands and show your straws.

Everyone opens their hands, revealing their straws.

Zoidberg has the shortest straw.

Farnsworth: Sorry Zoidberg. You're the unlucky one. You're fired!

Zoidberg drops the straw and lowers his head. He trudges out of the room.

Bender: And good riddance!

Farnsworth: Well, come on everybody, back to work!

Everyone leaves the room, except for Amy, Fry, and Leela.

Fry and Leela turn and glare at Amy. Fry has his arms crossed and Leela has her hands on her hips.

Amy: What?!

Fry: We saw that Amy.

Amy: Saw what?!

Leela: How could you Amy?! We expected that from Bender! But from you?! We're shocked!

Fry: I can't believe you Amy! Zoidberg is our friend! How could you do that to him?!

Amy: I just wanted to keep my job! I don't wanna move back home to Mars!

Leela: Amy, you disgust us! How would you feel if I did that to Fry?!

Fry looks shocked.

Leela: It's just a rictorical question Fry. I would never do that.

Amy: It wouldn't matter. It's not my problem.

Fry: Amy, Zoidberg may be a hideous lobster monster, but he's a very important member of the team! And more importantly, he's our friend!

Leela: Who put Fry back together when his head was separated from his body?

Amy: Uh...Zoidberg?

Fry: And who saved the Earth from his own species?!

Amy: Uh...Zoidberg?

Leela: And who just got fired because one of his friends betrayed him?!

Amy: Zoidberg...again?

Farnsworth comes into the room.

Farnsworth: What are you all doing?! Quit slacking off and get back to work!

Leela: I believe Amy has a confession to make!

Soon, Amy had explained everything.

Farnsworth: Amy! I didn't think you had it in you!

Amy: Sorry.

Suddenly, the door opens. In comes Hermes, carrying a document on paper.

Hermes: Professor! You seem to have made an error in checking our budget! We're actually 1% underbudget! That means we don't have to fire anyone!

Farnsworth: It's already too late. Zoidberg has been laid off!

Hermes: We must find him and tell him that the professor made a mistake!

Fry: It's Amy who made the mistake!

Farnsworth: Fry, Leela, find Zoidberg.

Before leaving the building, Fry grabs a Slurm from the fridge.

Leela: Fry, how can you drink that stuff at a time like this?!

Fry: I'm thirsty.

Laughs are heard from the living room.

Leela: Someone forgot to turn the television off again.

While walking down the street, Leela and Fry ask several people if they've seen a walking lobster. No one knew where he was, or cared.

When Fry finished his Slurm, he tossed it into a garbage bin.

Voice: Ow!

Zoidberg stands up inside the bin, clutching his head and the Slurm can.

Fry: Zoidberg, what are you doing in there?

Zoidberg: This is where I live now. I couldn't afford to go anywhere else.

Leela: Zoidberg, the professor made an error. We're underbudget. No one should have been fired after all.

Zoidberg: What?

Fry: Zoidberg, come home with us.

Zoidberg: Why? Nobody likes me?

Leela: We like you.

Zoidberg: You do?

Fry: Sure. Would we ever lie to you?

Zoidberg glares at him.

Fry: Never mind.

Soon, everyone is back at Planet Express.

Farnsworth: And so, everything is back to normal.

Bender: Damn it!

Farnsworth: Except for one small detail. Amy, for what you did, I'm cutting your salary by 10%!

Amy groans.

Zoidberg: I'm sorry Amy. I'm sorry about your reduced pay.

Amy: And I'm sorry I tried to have you fired.

Zoidberg looks shocked.

Zoidberg: Fired?! You were trying to fire me?!

Amy grins sheepishly.

Amy: I'm sorry.

Zoidberg: I'll show you sorry!

He grabs Amy and drags her out of the room.

Zoidberg: Excuse me friends while I go teach Amy a lesson about friendship.

The door closes behind him.

Fry: This cannot end well.

Leela: Hey, it's Amy's problem. She got what's coming to her.

In the next room, they hear Amy scream.

Amy: Stop! Your claws are cold!

Leela: Or not.


The End