It's a Wonderful Life, Fry
I don't own Futurama or it's characters.
"It's a Wonderful Life, Fry"
Futurama Main Title Theme: "In case it sucks, blame FOX."
(Story takes place between the stories, "Leela vs. Michelle" and "St. Valentine's Day Disaster.")
(It's the scariest time of the year, Xmas Eve. It is snowing over NNY and the Planet Express crew is praying for
(Everybody is at the PE building and they are OS. The camera shows it is snowing over the building.)
Leela: Please God, look after Fry. I don't know what I'd do without him.
Amy: Yeah, please look after Fry.
Professor: Please God watch over my uncle.
Hermes: Please, God look after Fry, it'd be hard to replace him.
Zoidberg: Please God, let me be loved. No wait I'm praying for Fry. Please look after him.
(Bender walks out of the building and looks back to make sure no one is looking at him.)
Bender: Oh God, please look out for my best friend in the whole world.
(The camera goes up into outer space, and God from "Godfellas" listens.)
God: Hmm, they seem very concerned. I must help them. Oh Santa (Robot Santa Appears)
Santa: What is it? I have joy and mayhem to spread on Earth, so many naughty people, so little time to kill them all.
God: Santa, I must ask that you help me in saving someone on Earth. This Philip J. Fry they speak of.
Santa: Fry, he is naughty for ruining Xmas for his friends.
God: True, but he plans on killing himself.
Santa: Good, he'll be saving me the trouble.
God: But he's lost his Xmas spirit.
Santa: (gasped) What!? That is terrible.
God: I need for you to go to Earth and convince him to live.
Santa: Yes, I'll head for Earth and get him to believe in Xmas and then I'll be able to kill him.
(Cut to Santa heading towards Earth. Flashback to Xmas Eve Morning and the PE crew is preparing for an Xmas
party for the little orphans. Amy is putting the star on the Xmas Palm Tree. Bender is drinking Eggnog and Fry and
Leela are putting up decorations.)
Leela: This Xmas may be the best one yet. I mean if we forget about the fear of dying, this Xmas might be the best
Fry: This party is a great idea, Leela.
Leela: It's the least I can do to help those orphans.
Bender: Great she's going to talk about when she was in the Orphanarium. (Walks out of the room.)
Leela: When I was living in the Orphanarium, Xmas was always a disappointment, I really want those orphans to
have a great one this year, something I never had.
Fry: Calm down, Leela.
Leela: I'm sorry, it's just that my parents.
Fry: I know that your parents can't spend Xmas with you because mutants aren't allowed on the surface, but you
can't drive yourself crazy about this party.
Leela: I guess you're right. Oh my God! I forgot to pick up the toys, and food for tonight's party. I better go.
Fry: Leela calm down. Look how about I get them so you can relax.
Leela: You'll do that for me?
Fry: Of course Leela, I love you and I want you to be happy.
Leela: Oh Fry, that is so sweet. (Kisses Fry on the cheek) Just promise me you won't goof around like you normally
do, please if there were ever a time for a miracle it would happen on Xmas.
Fry: Don't worry Leela. I promise I won't screw up.
(Cut to Fry and Bender walking on the street carrying bags.)
Fry: Great we have everything we need and you Bender fought the urge to steal just to help me.
Bender: yeah, well I would have stolen from that old lady, but Leela forced me to help you and don't do anything
else. Hey, Fry why is your girlfriend so worked up?
Fry: Aw Leela's just excited about this Xmas.
Bender: yeah well she should worry about Santa. He's coming out tonight and you know how he judges everyone to
be naughty. He can kill me for just what I did last week.
Fry: yeah well, I don't think Leela won't even let Santa ruin this Xmas. Quick let's take the subway.
(They head down to the subway and they pass a giant homeless bug who has a sign on his chest saying "the end is
near" as Fry and Bender pass him, he turns around revealing the back sign that reads "Cause Santa Claus is coming
to town." Cut to Fry and Bender are on the train with sorts of people around them.)
Fry: Great our stop is right after the next stop. (Just then a man walks up to them.)
Man: excuse me but do you have the time?
Fry: Yes, it's...(Before he can answer the man pulls out a laser.)
Man: Give me the bags!
Fry: No way, these are for orphans.
Man: I don't care. (Fires a shot right at the window. Bender hands his stuff to him.)
Bender: What it's not like I'm laser proof.
Fry: But you are a robot.
Bender: Yeah well those lasers leave hard to fix dents on me.
Man: Enough of this. [to fry] give me your bags!
Fry: Never. (Jumps at the man and everybody except Bender leaves to the other train cars. Man kicks Fry in the
groin and takes Fry's bags and the train has come to a complete stop and the doors open. The man races out and Fry
gets up and tries to pursue, but the doors close and the train starts to move.)
(Cut to PE building that evening. Fry and Bender are right outside the front door. Fry is pacing back and forth.)
Fry: what am I going to tell Leela?
Bender: relax meatbag, it wasn't your fault.
Fry: Yes it is, I promised Leela, that I wouldn't let anything go wrong and that's what happened.
Bender: look just tell Leela what happened. She'll understand.
Fry: Maybe you're right. I'll just put on a very convincing face and she'll understand.
(Fry opens in and sees Leela and Fry has a big smile on his face.)
Leela: You lost the gifts and food!
Fry: (Stops smiling) Yes.
Leela: How could you?! You promised me you wouldn't screw up.
Fry: I know I did, but if you hear me out, I can explain you see...
Leela: (Starting to cry) I can't believe you Fry. Here I've planning for the best Xmas ever and you ruined it for me
and the orphans, I'll never forgive you for this. You've ruined Xmas for me.
(Runs crying. Camera turns to the rest of the PE crew who were listening.)
Amy: Way to go, Fry. You've ruined Xmas.
Hermes: We're very disappointed in you, Fry.
Professor: Yes, Fry you idiot.
Scruffy: Scruffy, is very ashamed, very ashamed indeed.
Zoidberg: I eat from the garbage and most of my patients I've treated I've lost, but you Fry disgust even me.
(Everybody walks away and Fry is left alone.)
Fry: Oh My God, they are right. It is all my fault. I don't deserve to stay here for Xmas. (Walks out and passes by
Bender: How did she take it? (Fry doesn't answer, and just walks away.)
(Next scene. The orphans have arrived and they are met with Dwight, Cubert and Tinny Tim.)
Cubert: [to orphans] Alright, you kids listen, the adults have put us in charge and so you kids have to listen to us.
Albert: But you are uncool nerd and nobody likes you.
Dwight: He has a point.
Cubert: True, but at least we have parents. (Orphans cry.)
Tinny Tim: But I don't have parents. (Cries along)
(Cut to next room. Leela is crying while everybody is comforting her. Also present are LaBarbara and Kif.)
Amy: It's okay Leela. We can still have Xmas.
Professor: Yes, there is still the part of cowering in fear from Santa. (Takes out remote and presses the button that
reinforces the shields on the PE building.)
Bender: Yeah well, I bet that guy who stole that stuff from Fry and me must be having a great Xmas.
Leela: wait, what did you say Bender?!
Bender: Didn't Fry tell you? We were robbed on the subway and that thief got away with all the stuff.
Leela: You mean Fry didn't lose the gifts, he was just robbed. Oh my God, I didn't know, I feel so bad about what I
said to Fry. (Everybody else feels the same way.)
Scruffy: Scruffy, feels like a real heel.
Leela: We got to go and apologize to Fry. Where is he?
Bender: He left to take a walk.
Leela: Oh my God. We have to get him, before Santa does.
Professor: No chance in hell, we are going to stay here and ride out Santa's reign of terror.
Amy: What do we do, Leela?
Leela: We'll pray for him.
(Cut to Fry walking down the street and sees a suicide booth, but there is a huge line like always this time of year.
Fry heads to where a bridge is and walks right on it until he reaches to the center. He looks over and sees the icy
waters and closes his eyes. Just then Santa's sleigh lands right on the bridge.)
Santa: Stop what you are doing! Are you Philip J. Fry?
Fry: Santa, please, don't kill me; I was just trying to jump off the bridge. Wait you're basically the same thing.
Alright Santa kill me, but make it slow and painful I deserve it.
Santa: Oh Fry; I'm not here to kill you...yet
Fry: Really? Why not?
Santa: The fact that you've lost your Xmas spirit, takes the fun out of punishing you for your naughtiness. I'm here
to stop you from making a big mistake.
Fry: What mistake from ever coming to the future?
Santa: Do you really mean that?
Fry: If I never came to the future, then I would never be able to break Leela's heart. She hates me, I had one chance
to prove to her I wasn't always a screw-up and I failed. She'll never forgive me, my life is meaningless now.
Santa: So you really think that never coming to the future would make Leela happy?
Fry: I guess that isn't enough. I guess she'd be better off if I were never born.
Santa: Oh really. Fry, I have something for you in my sack. (Reaches in his sack and pulls out a VR Helmet and
Fry: What's that?
Santa: Put this helmet on. (Fry does so and he puts on the VR gloves.) I'm going to simulate what the 30th century
would be like if you were never born, and if you think people are better off without you, you can kill yourself.
(Santa turns on the computer and the simulation starts. Fry is still on the bridge, but there is no sign of Santa and his
VR stuff is gone. Then an image of Santa's head appears.)
Fry: Where am I?
Santa: You are in a simulated world of what would happen if you were never born. This equipment is the state of
Fry: State of the art? The Professor has a "what if" machine that is pretty much the same thing.
Santa: yeah, but does his actually send you into the simulation?
Santa: I rest my case. Now go and try to find your friends and see if they are happy without you. Start with Amy.
(Cut to Fry heading to Amy's Apartment, and bumps into her by the elevator. Amy is had a busy day at Fishy Joe's,
since she still in uniform and smells.)
Fry: Hey, Amy.
Amy: Who are you? Look if it is money I owe you then get in line.
Fry: It's me, Fry, your best friend.
Amy: I don't know a Fry other then the French fries I serve at Fishy Joe's.
Fry: What about your job at Planet Express as an engineer?
Amy: Are you kidding? I haven't worked at Planet Express for a long time.
(Opens the door of her Apt., and we hear a few young babies crying. And inside is a fat man. The fat man from
when Amy's parents tried have Amy date in "A Flight to Remember". He's sitting on the couch and watching TV.)
Fat Man: Honey can you give me your library card? I want to get a few movies. And the babies are crying can you
Amy: (Sadly) Sure.
Fry: Amy, you are going with that guy?
Amy: Gluh are you kidding he's my husband.
Fry: What about Kif? Aren't you still going to Mars University?
Amy: Kif? Who's he?
Fry: Your boyfriend.
Amy: Look I've gone out with a lot of men, I can't remember, but that was before I met my husband.
Fry: When was that?
Amy: It was back on the day when I was on that space cruise on the Titanic, my parents wanted me to date him, but
he's a slob. I wanted to tell them I had a boyfriend, but I couldn't think of anybody that could fool them. I dated the
guy and I was forced to marry him. I had to drop out of Mars U. just to help pay the bills, because he's also lazy.
Since I wasn't working on a engineering major, I was fired as intern from Planet Express.
Fry: Don't your parents help you?
Amy: My parents expect me to make it out on my own
Fry: That's terrible, I'm sorry, Amy.
Amy: Wait a minute, why am I telling you? I don't even know you. Leave me alone before I call the police.
(Enters her apt. and slams the door. Santa's head appears.)
Santa: You see Fry, since you weren't there to pose as Amy's girlfriend on the Titanic, Amy had to date that fat slob
and she never met Kif.
Fry: I don't believe it, but everybody else must be fine without me.
Santa: Really. Why don't you go to Planet Express and see?
(Next Scene. Planet Express and it looks like Mom's Corp. owns the building, because her face is on the building.)
Fry: What? Why does Mom own Planet Express?
Santa: Why don't you ask the Professor, he's right at the alley in by the dumpster. (He disappears.)
(Fry looks and sees The Professor along with Cubert, Scruffy and Zoidberg next to a trash can fire, trying to stay
Fry: Professor, what is going on?
Professor: Who are you?
Fry: It's me your Uncle Philip J. Fry, from the 20th century?
Professor: I don't have an Uncle Philip J. Fry.
Fry: Well why are you guys out on the streets? Why is Mom's face on your building?
Professor: What are you talking about? I don't own Planet Express anymore, not since after our company cruise.
Fry: What happened?
Professor: Well, I lost my company after losing many of my crew members.
Fry: You mean Leela and Bender?
Professor: Who are they? Well, I lost my crew on the company cruise disaster, I couldn't find another crew to
replace them, so I had to sell the company to Mom, but I had to pay the victims families for the damages and I lost
everything and now me and the rest of the people that Mom fired are out on the streets.
Zoidberg: Professor, we've found a box of rotten fruit.
Professor: Oh joy, excuse me.
(Just then the Planet Express side door opens and it is Hermes in a black uniform.)
Hermes: I thought I told you bums to stay off our property. (Fires a laser at them and they scatter.)
Fry: Hey, stop that Hermes.
Hermes: Who are you?
Fry: Look this is getting old, I'm Fry.
Hermes: I make it a custom to keep record of everybody I know, and I've never seen you before in my life.
(Fires ray-gun at him and Fry runs away. When he's in a safe distance, Santa's face appears.)
Fry: Why doesn't the professor remember me? Why doesn't he know Leela and Bender?
Santa: Because genius, you don't exist in this world. You were never born and since you were never born you didn't
come the future. So you never met Leela and Bender and they never met the Professor. The crew you were apart of
never formed, and your crew had the record of surviving the longest while working for the professor.
Fry: So, you mean that Bender and Leela never met each other as well?
Fry: Where's Bender? He's still at his apartment?
Santa: No, try Robot's Cemetery. (Fry gasps)
(Next Scene. Robot's Cemetery's front gates. Fry reads the sign that Says. "Robot's Cemetery's" underneath that it
reads. "Robot Animal's Cemetery is right next door." Cut to Fry entering and see Bender's grave, reading that he
died on Dec. 31, 2999 and he was great.)
Fry: Bender, dead, why?!
Santa: Remember how you met Bender?
Fry: Yeah, I stopped him from killing himself. (Long pause and Fry gets mad.) Well, aren't you going to tell me how
Santa: (sighs) You weren't there to stop him from killing himself. You see Fry, you had a moderately good life for
someone such as you. (Fry gasps and feels sad.)
Fry: Santa, I have to know, where's Leela?
Santa: Do you really want to know?
Santa: You won't, like it.
Fry: I don't care please tell me!
Santa: She's about to close Applied Cryogenics Building. (Fry races off.)
(Next Scene. Just outside of the Applied Cryogenics Building and Leela, now dressed much like Donna Reed. She
has a one lens glasses on and a coat that isn't very revealing. She closes the door and walks down the street and Fry
Fry: Leela wait it's me, Fry! (Leela just ignores him and continues walking.) Leela please listen to me, it's me!
(Fry grabs her and Leela screams.)
Leela: (frightfully) let me go! I don't know you.
Fry: Leela, please listen to me, I'm you boyfriend, we work at Planet Express and our friends are a robot, a lobster, a
Martian, a Jamaican and 160 year old man.
(Leela screams and does a karate kick and runs into a crowd of people. Fry races after her, but the crowd of people
Person 1: Grab that man! He's attacking that freakishly-looking women.
Fry: She's my girlfriend. Leela!
(Leela faints as a few women catch her so she doesn't hit the street.)
Person 2: Someone call the police!
Fry: Santa! Help me, please! (Fry manages to break loose and runs as the mob chases after him. Santa then appears.)
Santa: What is it that you want?
Fry: Santa, I take it back, I want to live again and I want to have been born. I want to be in the 30th century. Please
Santa: It is very simply, Fry. Just take off your VR equipment.
(Cut to Fry on the bridge wearing the VR helmet and gloves and giving the impression that he's running. Santa is
standing right beside him. Then Fry takes off the helmet.)
Fry: whoa what a nightmare.
Santa: You see my point, now how do you feel?
Fry: Actually, I've realized that I may have ruined Xmas for everybody, but that doesn't mean I should kill myself.
Oh Leela, must be worried about me, I have to get back to the party. Santa, I want to thank you for clearing my head
and convincing me that life is worth living.
Santa: No problem, Fry. So you are saying that you don't want to kill yourself and you've found you Xmas spirit?
Santa: That is all I wanted to hear. (Pull out a machine laser.) Time to bust a cap in your naughty ass. (Begins firing
at Fry and Fry just runs off the bridge. Santa gets on his sleigh and chases after him. Fry runs down a scenic street
and wishes Merry Christmas to things, while Santa fires at him.)
Fry: Merry Xmas, Mom's Friendly Robot Company. Merry Xmas, Big Apple Bank. Merry Xmas, Robot Porn
House. Merry Xmas, Crack Mansion. Merry Xmas, NNY you.
(Fry then sees the PE building still heavily shield. Fry runs to the door and knocks on it.)
Fry: Somebody please open the door. (Then Zoidberg, opens it and Fry just races in and shuts the door behind him.
Santa's sleigh just stops.)
Santa: Curses! well there is always next year. (Santa flies away. Cut to inside the PE building and everybody is glad
to see Fry.)
Fry: My God I'm so glad to see you all. [To Amy and Kif] Amy, Kif oh I'm so glad you are together. (Hugs them
both.) Bender, oh I'm glad you are alive.
Bender: Hey quit hugging me, I'm not a Romo.
Fry: Professor, Hermes, Dwight, LaBarbara, Scruffy and even Cubert and Zoidberg. I love you all
Cubert: I think, he's been drinking too much.
Fry: Wait a minute where's Leela?
Amy: She's in the party room, reading to the orphans.
(Fry runs to the party and is shock to see all the presents are back and the food has been cooked and prepared for a
Leela: Fry Oh my God! I'm so glad to see you. (Fry races over to her and kisses her over and over.)
Fry: Leela, I want you to know I missed you.
Leela: you were only gone for an hour. (Fry is still kissing her.)
Fry: It felt longer. (stops kissing) Leela, you got the stuff back how?
Leela: It was weird, they just appeared outside in the alley and there was some blood on them, but all the stuff was
Fry: Look Leela, about today...
Leela: Fry, don't say anything, Bender told me. I'm sorry about what I said, we all are. (Everybody gathers into the
party room.) You didn't ruin Xmas, without you there is no Xmas.
Fry: I'm sorry to all of you for leaving. I just want to say that I love you all and just knowing you all makes me the
richest man in town.
Bender: (with a beer bottle) To Fry, the richest man in town, metaphorically speaking of course.
Hermes: hey everybody let's sings. (Starts to play the piano and everybody sing, "Days of Old Lang Sine")
Fry: Leela, I'm sorry your parents aren't here to see this.
Leela: That's okay, Fry I managed to talk with them on the communicator, I guess it's better than nothing.
Dwight: look Cubert. (points to a bell ringing) My dad says every time a bell rings, Santa has claimed a victim.
Cubert: That is preposterous.
Leela: [To Fry] You know Fry, in addition to finding the Xmas stuff, I found this letter addressed to you.
(Fry takes the letter and reads it to himself. "Dear Fry, If you are reading this then you managed to outrun my
murderous rampage. While you were in the VR world, I managed to find the thief who stole your stuff and returned
the stuff back to PE. Hope you have a Merry Xmas. Signed, Santa PS. Kill you next year." Fry throws the letter
away and kisses Leela and we pan outside the PE building as it snows and everybody still singing as Santa continues
his destruction on NNY in the far distance.)
Hope you enjoyed my story.