---Legal Junk: This is non-profit, purely fan-made and I don't Work for the
Futurama writing team, FOX or the curiosity company---
Scene: Planet Express TV area.
Fry, Leela (stroking Nibbler on her lap), Bender and Amy are watching TV.
Fry: So Leela are you doing anything tonight because I was wondering if
you'd like to go to Elzar's with me?
Leela: Fry, I'm sorry, but I only really like dating normal guys.
Amy: Newsflash Leela, you're a mutant! No normal guy is going to want to
Fry: But Bender says I'm normal.
Bender: Oh your God Fry, you believed that?
Fry: I thought we were friends. How could you say something like that?
Bender: Well, first I had to think of what to say, then I moved my mouth,
set my speaker to make sound and finally I said "you're normal".
Fry: I don't think I can trust you anymore.
Bender: (mimicking Fry) I don't think I can trust you anymore.
Scene: Bender outside Leela's apartment.
Bender: (knocking on door)...
Leela: (rubbing her eye answers the door) Bender what are you doing here?
Bender: Leela you have to go out with Fry, he keeps waking me up with his
moronic ideas on how to make you like him. I can't take anymore of this.
Leela: Bender you can't force me to go out with Fry.
Bender: Okay, okay. Remember when you said you like my "in your face"
attitude? Well it will be around you all the time if you don't go out with
Leela: What do you mean?
Bender: Here's the deal Leela, if you don't go out with Fry tomorrow I'll
bring all my stuff around here and live with you for 3 months.
Leela: Oh no, no way!
Bender: So you'll go out with him?
Leela: No way Bender, definitely not!
Bender: Okay then. (Bender pushing Leela way from the door picks up three
boxes and carries them inside the apartment).
Leela: What are you doing Bender?
Bender: What does it look like Einstien? (Bender wheels another two large
boxes and leans them up against a wall).
Leela: What the hell are they?
(Bender ignoring Leela carries in a lamp)
Leela: What do we need a lamp for?
Bender: Shut up you coffin stuffer, I'm trying to introduce some style to
this life-less room.
Leela: I like my apartment just the way it is.
Bender: Well tough luck OUR apartment needs style (Bender carries in an
Easter Island head).
Leela: What the hell is that?
Bender: (standing back admiring his re-decoration of Leela's apartment) Wow!
This is amazing, I never thought a skin-tubes apartment could look so
classy. Of course it's all my stuff that gives it the "wow factor".
Leela: All this....all this is yours?
Bender: Yeah, all mine. Oh by the way, if the cops from Easter Island come
around, you were with me from 4am to 12pm yesterday, alright?
Leela: Whatever, I need some sleep (looking at her wrist), oh no it's 3am!
Bender: You sleep Leela, this will be all completed by the morning.
Leela: It is the morning Bender, you idiot!
Bender: Ok, ok, I'll have it ready by lunch then.
Leela: (walks into her bedroom) Good night Bender.
Bender: See you at lunch meatbag!
Scene: Living room, Bender has re-arranged all the furniture. Leela
enters rubbing her eye and finds Bender trying to assemble a Pikea book
Leela: Bender, what have you done to my apartment? I was perfect the way it
Bender: Fixed it!
Leela: Well, I guess it does look nicer with a bit more furniture.
Bender: Too right baby!
Leela: (picking up a box labelled sterno-nicoise ingredients) What's this?
Bender: Sterno-nicoise ingredients, next time read the label on the box jerk
Leela: Humour me Bender, what's sterno-nicoise you idiot?
Bender: I ate it that time at Elzar's when you were blind. It's really nice
you should try some.
Leela: Didn't that stuff burn Fry's tongue?
Bender: Yeah I know, but what are you gonna do? (Bender finishes assembling
the book shelf). There ...finished!
Bender: I said stop looking through my stuff, it's personal you don't see me
going through your underwear draws do you?
Leela: Yes I have seen you doing that..... your point is?
Bender: (in an attempt to distract Leela from his magazines) Yeah, whatever
(drags the Easter Island head in front of her TV).
Leela: I don't like the idea of you keeping this kind of filth in my house.
Bender: Have you been to any nightclubs lately?
Bender: (showing his laser display techniques) Is this cool or what?
Leela: Yeah ....what else can you do?
Bender: (extends his arm into the kitchen and brings back a bottle of beer).
Leela: I've seen that trick before.
Bender: Ok, ok... (picks up a box).
Leela: (pointing to the Easter Island head in front of her TV) Did you have
to put that thing there Bender?
Leela: (looking at the box in Benders hands) Is that another treasure from
Bender: As a matter of fact it is. It's a coffee table.
Leela: Oh Lord, what do we need a coffee table for? I suppose it comes with
only three legs.
Bender: What do I need four legs for? Pikea is a good store and this was on
special. Oh by the way (pointing to the couch) I got you some meatballs
while I was there.
Leela: (looking at the plate of mouldy meatballs perched on her couch).
Oh perfect, just what I need, Salmonella!
Bender: (yawning)....Well I'm tired Leela, I've been up all night trying to
fix up your apartment to make it liveable. I'm going to bed.
Leela: But you're a robot, you don't need sleep or a bed.
Bender: Oh yes I do. Only a few weeks ago I realised how comfy beds were.
Leela: (following Bender into the bedroom) Hey... you can't sleep in my bed
Bender: Watch me (climbing into Leela's bed begins to snore).
Leela groans in frustration.
*Easter island cops arrive at Fry's apartment they knock on the door, Fry
answers rubbing eyes
Cop 1: Good evening young lad
Cop 2 *holds a pic of bender*: Have you seen this 'bot?
Fry: Dunno where he is, used to be *sniff* my *sniff* roommate *starts
Cop 1: Oh there there here have some coffee
Fry: *sniff* thanks
scene: PE meeting table all but Leela and Bender are there
*Leela and Bender walk into the room, Bender has his arm around Leela, they
are looking at eachother laughing*
Fry: Oh my god! you're dating!
Fry: So Leela? whats it like being Bender's roommate?
Leela: Its great! Yesterday Bender stole a Futon, I dont usually like stolen
things, but the futon gives the apartment style and character
Fry: how could a Food-ton sandwich do all that, I've tried it! all it did
was give the apartment odour and smell!
(Scene: Zoidberg is sitting in a dumpster sleeping, Fry is standing
*zoidberg wakes up*
Zoidbereg: What is??
Fry: Hey zoidberg, would you like to come live with me??
Zoidbeg: You mean.... I will have a home?
(Scene, Fry's Apartment)
Fry: here it is, your new home...
Fry: heheh, make yourself at home buddy
Zoidberg: FOOD! PRECIOUS FOOD!
Fry: Yeah have some
20 mins later
Fry: You Know, Humans need food
Zoidberg: Well, so do crustaceans
Fry: well this is really my apartment!
Zoidberg: Bah! Who deserves the food, you a tiny human who eats 3 meals a
day, or me a hungry crustacean who eats 3 meals every two months??
Fry: I just want so--
Cut to Leela & Bender....
Leela walks into her apartment after going out to buy some furniture to
replace the chairs Bender wrecked, she sees Bender talking to two
floozy-bots while sitting at her kitchen table.
Leela: What are these two doing here?
Bender: uhh nothing...
Leela *walking towards the floozy-bots*: GET OUT OF MY APARTMENT!
Floozy #1: You can't tell us to leave Bender's apartment!
Leela: THIS HAS NEVER BEEN BENDER'S APARTMENT! IT HAS ALWAYS BEEN MINE, SO
YOU TWO CAN GET THE HELL OUTTA HERE RIGHT NOW!!!
Floozy #2: We'd better do what she says!
*They start walking towards the door*
Bender: Wait! Come back! *they walk out* ohhhhh...
Leela: This is my apartment Bender Stop making messes everywhere! I just
went out shopping for new chairs because of the ones you broke!
Bender: Is this one new? *points to a fluffy white chair near the doorway*
Bender: ooh! I gotta test it! *sits on chair* ooh this is comfy! Real
com--*chair breaks* ahh!
Leela: *groans* Bender, I want you to leave
Bender: Okay, I'll leave
Leela: Go and get all your stuff now!
Bender: Are you forgetting our little "deal"
Bender: If you go out with Fry to Elzar's I'll leave!
Bender: THEN FORGET IT COFFIN-STUFFER!
Leela *Gets her hover-trolley & Shovel* okay then, look bender! *points to
Bender: *looks at ceiling* where? I can't see it!
*Leela pushes Bender into the hover-trolley with her shovel*
Bender: ouch! HEY WATCH IT JERK!
*she chuckles and pushes him out of the doorway*
(Scene: Bender walks into Fry & Zoidberg's apartment, Fry is shivering with
blankets over him to hide himself from Zoidberg, Zoidberg is madly scuttling
around the apartment)
Bender: What the...?
Zoidberg: *squeals* MOOORREEE FOOOD! DAMMIT FRY GIMMIE MORE FOOD!! I KNOW
YOU'RE HERE SOMWHERE! *woops*
Bender: Zoidberg? What the hell are you doing here?
Zoidberg's eyes go wide
Zoidberg: Tasty Ro-but! *squeals*
Bender: What the hell is goin on?
Zoidberg: Come in Robut, mmmmmmmmmmmm, come in and talk to Zoidberg
Bender: AHHHHHH! CHEESE IT!!!!
Zoidberg: *squeals* TASTY ROBUT! LET ME EAT YOU!!!!!!
Bender: AHHHH! *pushes down antenna* WINAMP, TRACK 13!!
Linkin Park's Runaway Starts playing
Zoidberg: *squeals* COME HERE TASTY ROBUT *squeals*
I'm gonna run away, and never say goodbye
Gonna run away, Gonna run away
I'm gonna run away and never wonder why
Gonna run away, Gonna run away
I'm gonna run away and open up my mind
Bender *Singing* Gonna run away, Gonna run away,
Zoidberg *singing in time with runaway*: Not Gonna Run Away! Not Gonna
[End of "The Weird Roommates"]