Opening Credits Scene:
Not Under Contractual Obligations.
Screen: A Popeye Cartoon.
Somewhere in the middle of a forest in Presque Isle, Maine, there was a huge tree house. Inside the tree house was Prof. Wernstrom, Farnsworth's long time rival. With him was his assistant Kelton who had short dirty blonde hair, glasses and wore a lab coat with slacks and sneakers. They both go to a cage with an alligator inside.
Wernstrom: See this, Kelton?
Kelton: What? The allagator?
Wernstrom: This is going to be my master plan to destroy Farnsworth and his precious Planet Express! Get the square device!
Kelton gets the square device and Wernstrom feeds it to the alligator.
Wernstrom: Come Wernie Jr! Eat!
The alligator eats the device and grows up to over 50 feet long!
Kelton: Is this your master plan, sir?
Wernstrom: Exactly! I shall call him, "Wernzilla!" (laughs evilly) Wernzilla, go destroy New New York!
Wernzilla roars and go off on his way to New New York. Once he's there, he begins destroying everything in his path by smashing buildings and setting fires.
The news reporters Linda and Morbo are reporting the disasters Wernzilla caused.
Linda: Total devastation in New New York today. It seems an alligator is going to smashing buildings and setting fires causing lots of death and destruction.
Morbo: I rather like this guy! Death and destruction is my middle name! (laughs)
Linda: (laughs) Anyway, we just received word from a man named Wernstrom who had this to say....
The PE Crew was watching the news broadcast.
Farnsworth: Wernstrom! I should've known!
Fry: I've always thought Bender would do something like this!
Bender: What? Just because there's an alligator on the loose, everyone assumes the robot had something do to with it!
Leela: Quiet! Let's hear what Wernstrom has to say.
Wernstrom: This is a message for Farnsworth! All I've ever wanted from you is positive recognition! So, if you want me to call off Wernzilla, you will write an article praising me in the New New York Post! And it better be positive! And you have to admit that I am a better scientist than you! That is all!
Hermes: (turns off TV) That's enough.
Amy: What are you going to do, Professor?
Farnsworth: Looks like I have no choice but to do what he says. Fry, Bender. I want you do two to go to the New New York Post and have this piece of paper full off positive things about Wernstrom posted on the newspaper.
Fry: OKay, we'll do. Let's go, Bender.
The next day, Fry and Bender get the New New York post and read about what Farnsworth said about Wernstrom which was actually negative opinions about him!
Bender: (laughing): Oh, my god! The professor is going to be in such big trouble!
Fry: If I knew how to spell pineapple, I would've told him a thing or two! C'mon let me read it!
Bender: Nope, can't! Not for skinny people!
Fry: Why not? I helped post it!
Bender covers some words on the paper to make it say, 'no'.
Fry: Awwww! You're like my substitute older brother!
Bender: Maybe this is a good thing! I don't want this chaos and disorder to end with the allagator anyway!
Meanwhile at the tree house Wernstrom reads the negative review!
Kelton: What's it say, sir?
Wernstrom: (throwing down the newspaper): He's really gonna pay now!
Kelton: What will we do?
Just then, Wernzilla comes back to the tree house.
Wernstrom: (showing a picture of Fry to Wernzilla): Wernzilla, I want you to kidnap this man, and bring him back here! And when you're done, destroy Planet Express!
Kelton: Can I torture him?
Wernstrom: You can do whatever you want with him!
Wernzilla roars and walks off.
Wernstrom goes to a vidphone to call Farnsworth.
Back at Planet Express, the vidphone rings.
Leela: Professor! The phone!
Farnsworth: I'll get it! I'll get it!
Farnsworth answers the phone and it's Wernstrom! Everyone was at the scene.
Wernstrom: I told you do write positive things about me!
Farnsworth: I'll never be positive about you! Not after you betrayed me!
Wernstrom: Just for that, Wernzilla will destroy Planet Express, _and_ I will kidnap your closest relative!
Fry: Who's your closest relative? Is it Ignar?
Hermes: No, you stupid honkey! It's you!
Amy: You should be scared! Quick, Run! Hide!
Fry: Oh, please! He's bluffing! What would he want with me?
Bender: Hey, leave the egotism to me, Bender!
Leela: Fry, Amy's right, this should be worry you! Your life is in danger! It can happen!
Hermes: Fry come with me, please!
Hermes leads Fry into his office and gives him a glowing stick.
Fry: Wow! Is this something you use at a party?
Hermes: This is called a siren stick. Any sign of Wernzilla or Wernstrom, you just press a button and an alarm goes off.
Fry: I'll use this next time we have a party!
Hermes: It's for your protection you ignorant.......(groans)!
Bender: (runs into the room): Wernzilla is coming! Wernzilla is coming! Who wants to taunt him with me?
Fry: I will! (runs off to join Bender)
Leela: (tries to run after them) No, no, Fry! No, no.........
Hermes: Just let them be.
Leela, But, I.....
Amy: Let the immature be the immature!
Fry and Bender go out on the balcony and tease Wernzilla.
Bender: (mooning): Bite my shiny metal ass, freakagator!
Fry: Hey, Werny, werny! (sticks out his tongue)
Wernzilla ses Fry and Bender at a distance and comes to them.
Bender: (leaving the balcony): I'll be right back, I'll go get my accordion!
Fry: I'll sing 80's songs to it! One thing! One thing leads to.......
Wernzilla uses his open hand to grab Fry and succeeds.
Fry: (gasps) What's this emotion I'm feeling? (struggles against Wernzilla's grip) Why can't I move?
Fry looks at Wernzilla and screams!
Fry: NNNNOOOOOOO!!!!!!! Help! Someone help! (takes out the siren stick and presses the button that sounds off the alarm)
Wernzilla eats the siren stick and takes Fry back with him. Just then Bender comes back to the balcony and notices Fry is gone.
Bender: Hey, Fry........where the hell is he?
Leela: Take a look at Wernzilla and it will answer your question!
Bender: It's happened! Wernzilla kidnapped Fry!
Farnsworth: Everyone into the conference room, we'll strategize!
Wernzilla carried Fry over state lines. Fry was too overwhelmed to even notice. Eventually, they both reached Wernstrom's tree house.
Kelton: Here he comes, boss!
Wernstrom: Excellent! Just drop him here, Wernzilla! And then do extensive damage to Planet Express!
Wernzilla affirms by roaring in response and drops Fry off, and is now on his way to Planet Express.
Fry: (getting up and acting scared): What are you going to do to me? (Then acts angry) What are you going to do to me!
Wernstrom: We're going to hold you captive while Wernzilla damages Planet Express. All your friends will be on the unemployment line!
Kelton: Yeah, and you're going to be our slave!
Fry: Never! You know what? I don't have to put up with this! I'm not going to take this anymore! I am through being a victim! I'm escaping! Goodbye!
Kelton: (cocks a gun to Fry's head): I wouldn't do that if I were you.
Fry: Why not?! Give me one good reason!
Wernstrom: This tree house is under heavy security! Escape is impossible! If you did escape you'd get lost in the woods for days, weeks, even months!
Fry: What are you talking about?
Wernstrom: What? You didn't think we were still in New New York, did you? Never liked that place, anyway! We're in Presque Isle, Maine!
Wernstrom: Exactly! Detain him, Kelton!
Kelton: Take off your pants, coat, and shoes!
Fry does so, then Kelton leads him to a chair. Fry has plaid boxer shorts on.
Kelton: Now sit down! (puts in a CD in a player): Do you like Blessid Union of Souls?
Fry: Never heard of them. (Gets shoved into the chair by Kelton)
Kelton pushes a button that has wrist and ankle restrains appear and encase Fry's wrists and ankles. Then Kelton ties him up from his chest down to his knees.
Kelton: Nice boxer shorts! God you're skinny! Don't you ever eat? you put Calista Flockhart to shame! Now you will listen to my favorite song played on a loop, "All Along"! (laughs evilly)
Fry: Of course I eat! Somebody help me please!
Kelton: Oh, and just to tell you, you're not getting anything to eat or drink!
Wernstrom sends a message to Farnsworth via email that he's kidnapped Fry and Wernzilla will destroy Planet Express!
Meanwhile back at Planet Express, Farnsworth was trying to strategize and brainstorm ways to beat Wernzilla, after reading the email.
Farnsworth: Wernzilla is coming back to break down Planet Express, do you have any ideas on how to get him?
Leela: Let's just go to the Planet Express ship and shoot him up!
Bender: Build a big huge bazooka, and blow his brains out!
Hermes: Or fight amphibians with amphibians! Catch my drift?
Amy: I do! Oh, Zoidberg! Get your growing ray ready, Professor!
Zoidberg: (walks into the conference room) You rang?
Leela: How would you like to be a hero?
Bender: The Professor is going to grow you huge and you will fight Wernzilla!
Hermes: Will you do it?
Zoidberg: Shut up while I think!..........Let me think! Let's see.........I must think!
Zoidberg: I'll do it!
Leela and Bender: All right!
Farnsworth: (armed with a growing ray) Let's do this!
Farnsworth shoots the growing ray on Zoidberg and he grows to gigantic proportions!
Zoidberg is outside, and Wernzilla is headed his way. Wernzilla tries to fight off Zoidberg, but he overpowers him. Zoidberg pinches Wernzilla with his claws. Then Zoidberg sprays water on Wernzilla causing him to fall over!
Zoidberg: From now on, I want everyone to call me "Jet Zoidberg"!
Bender: And you all think I have a huge ego!
Zoidberg continues to fight Wernzilla and triumphing. Then out of the blue, Wernzilla blows fire on Zoidberg causing him to shrink back to his original size, and his skin is all blackened. Wernzilla leaves.
Wernzilla: (The only time he talks): I'm going back to Maine! I've had it New New York! Now I know how people who move to Florida feel!
Zoidberg goes back inside the PE Building, disgraced.
Leela: Dr. Zoidberg!
Everyone: What happened?
Zoidberg: (starts rapping) I'm Zoidberg and I'm in da house! I'm Zoidberg and I'm from the hood! Yeah!
Hermes: (enraged): You offended me! Bender, where's that accordion on yours?
Bender: (gives Hermes the accoridan): Here it is! Bring it back in mint condition!
Hermes beats up Zoidberg and shoved the accordion down his throat while Farnsworth pinpointed Wernstrom's location!
Farnsworth: While Hermes is beating up Zoidberg, I discovered that Wernstrom's hideout is in Presque Isle, Maine!
Leela: What are we waiting for? Let's go already!
Off. Smitty and URL walked in.
Off.Smitty: We want to help, we've been after Wernstrom because of this!
URL: He's going down, all right!
Hermes: Okay, I'm done! Are we going to Maine?
Farnsworth: Yes we are! Finally put Wernstrom in his place!
Amy: Everyone aboard! We'll need all the help we can get!
Off. Smitty: We'll follow you in our police hovercraft!
Bender: This has been a very awesome and fun day!
Zoidberg: Excuse me? Can I go to?
Farnsworth: No! Take the rest of the day off!
Zoidberg: Okay. (Zoidberg walks away and his neck goes up and down like an accordion.)
Everyone boards the PE Ship and heads to Presque Isle Maine with Off. Smitty and URL in tow.
Back at the treehouse, Kelton sees on the viewscreen the PE ship is coming.
Kelton: They're coming boss! What should we do?
Wernstrom: Let them come, we'll have Wernzilla destroy them all!
Fry: Please! Stop playing this awful song!
Kelton: Shut up! You will speak when you're spoken to!
Kelton was playing "All Along" on a loop.
Fry: Can I at least go to the bathroom!
Wernstrom: No, you can't! Go in your pants!
Fry: Please, I really need to go!
Wernstrom: Take care of him, Kelton!
Kelton: My pleasure! I'll help you go to the bathroom!
Kelton starts punching and hitting Fry relentlessly and Fry screams and cries in pain. The Planet Express ship is on it's way to Maine.
Bender: This day just keeps getting better and better! A monster attacks New New York, Zoidberg gets his ass kicked, twice! This has been the most funnest day I have ever had!
Leela: Yeah, not a very fun day for Fry! Remember him?
Hermes: Yes, Bender! Don't you care about anyone but yourself?
Amy: While you're having fun, Fry's probably crying his eyes out, and badly injured, probably locked away in a dark room, and all you care about is having a fun day?
Bender: (disgustedly): Oh, so this is now all about Fry, now?!
Farnsworth: Enough! I see the tree house! Land it Leela!
Leela: Preparing to land! (presses the landing break)
Amy: If Kiff was going through what Fry is going through, I'd lock myself in my room 24/7, go under the covers and cry my eyes out.
Leela: Toughen up you Beta female!
The Planet Express ship landed in the vicinity of the tree house. They all got out, and Off. Smitty and URL ran to the entrance of the tree house preparing to infiltrate.
Farnsworth: Well, Bender. Looks like your fun day is about to get better!
Farnsworth uses the growth ray on Bender, who grows to gigantic proportions.
Bender: (imitates Fat Albert): Hey! Hey! Hey! Time to kick some gator ass!
Green Day's Christian's Inferno plays.
Wernzilla goes up to Bender and tries to fight him. Bender imitates wrestling moves on Wernzilla. Wernzilla tries to burn Bender by breathing fire on him, didn't faze. Then Bender grabs him by the tail and twirls him around like a jump rope. Then Wernzilla is thrown on the ground. Then once Wernzilla gets back up, Bender grabs his stomach and takes out the square device that made him grow so big. Wernzilla shrinks back to being an average alligator and Bender shrinks back to his original size as well. Wernzilla is defeated and he runs up the the Planet Express crew.
Leela: (seeing Wernzilla run up to her and then punches him in the nose): Beat it, Bozo!
Wernzilla gets sent flying into the water.
Hermes: We did it! He's gone!
Amy: All right! We win again!
Leela: Go in the tree house and save Fry, now!
Bender: Man, you guys never let me have any victory moments!
Scene 8 Conclusion:
Bender approaches the tree house. Wernstrom confronts him and looks out the window. Off. Smitty and URL are getting ready to break in.
Wernstrom: Ha! Wernzilla may be defeated, but you'll never get passed this door! It's under heavy security! You'll never see your precious Fry again! I'll think of another way to defeat Planet Express and you'll all be in the unemployment line, and Fry will be locked in chains and wear nothing but stripes doing every little thing I tell him to do! (laughs evilly)
Off. Smitty: What do you supposed we do?
Bender: Don't worry, I got an ace up my sleeve!
Wernstrom: Might as well give up!
Bender: Yeah? Little do you realize I can do voices!
Wernstrom: Oooooh, so scared!
Bender: (talking in Wernstrom's voice); Kelton! What's the security number to open this tree house!
Bender: (regular voice): 6-7-8-9-10!!!!!
The security to the treeh ouse is all unlocked, giving Off, Smitty, URL, and Bender to charge in. They arrest Wernstrom. Kelton is still upstairs.
Off Smitty: Wernstrom! You're under arrest for destruction of a city, reptile slavery, and kidnapping!
URL: There's so much evidence against you, no need for a trial! All right!
Wernstrom: (being lead away): I'll get my revenge! I'll get off! Just get a good lawyer!
Off. Smitty: No lawyer in the world would defend you!
Bender runs upstairs to where Kelton and Fry are.
Fry: Why do you hate me so much? All you've done was torture me! Once Bender comes here, you'll be sorry!
Kelton: You are nothing but a spoiler overprivledged slacker! I've never liked people like you!
Fry: Please, Bender come!
Bender: He's already here! (confronts Kelton): Nobody hazes Fry but me!
Kelton: You'll have to get passed me, first!
Bender: That won't be a problem!
Bender beats up Kelton by punching and kicking him all over the room. Fry cheers him on.
Fry: Get him, Bender! Get him! (lets out a high-pitched squeal) GET HIM!!!!!
Bender finishes off Kelton by throwing him up against a wall. Then Bender breaks the CD Player that the Blessid Union of Souls CD was in. Kelton is in a coma. Bender approaches Fry.
Bender: Wow, Fry! Never heard you make that sound before! Sure you have an Adam's Apple?
Fry: Please, just get me out of here! These ropes are too tight!
Bender: All right! All right!
Bender untied Fry as Fry was telling him about what Kelton did to him.
Fry: All I asked was to go to the bathroom, and then (sniffled) he attacked me. They threatened to keep me as a slave while they destroy Planet Express. (sobs) You haven't heard the worst! They made me listen to an awful song! (sobs)
Bender: Don't have to worry about him, anymore! Put him in a 30-year coma!
Fry: They didn't give me anything to eat or drink. He even made fun of my scrawnyness!
Bender finished untying Fry, then used the rope Fry was tied with and lassoed a tree.
Fry: Good luck trying to break these locks on my limbs.
Bender: I'll bend them! That's what I'm made for. (breaking the locks that encased Fry's wrists and ankles) I........AM.........GREAT! There! You're free! What do you say we blow this popstand!
Fry: (getting on Bender's back): You bet. You know, Bender? You really are my substitute older brother!
Bender: (grabbing the rope and running) Enough of the flattery skintube! Baby, hold onto me! Whatever will be will be!
Bender with Fry on his back, jumped out the window and swinged his way out of the tree house. Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Farnsworth were watching from a distance!
Hermes: What's taking them so long?!
Leela: Look! I see them!
Amy: Here they come!
Bender and Fry arrive to where the Planet Express ship is.
Bender: Take me home tonight! I don't want to let you go until you see the light! (shaking his fist) Damn you, Eddie Money!
Leela sees Fry is sad, depressed and crestfallen.
Leela: What's wrong, Fry? Usually when you get rescued you come running to me. And you're happy.
Fry: After what happened to me tonight, I have no reason to be happy.
Amy: Why what happened?
Fry: Wernstrom's assisant Kelton beat me up! I just want to forget this day ever happened. I'm damaged goods, there's no way you'll ever go out with me now, Leela.
Hermes: Fry is obviously truamatized. What should we do Professor?
Farnsworth: (takes out a sedative): Here, Fry, just take this. You'll sleep for 24 hours and you'll forget this whole thing ever happened!
Fry takes the sedative and Leela gives him some milk and chocolate oatmeal cookies which were Fry's favorite. Fry automatically falls asleep, Leela carried him into the ship.
Leela: Looks like another victory for us, let's go home!
Everyone boards the ship and it takes off headed back to New New York. Bender screams out the window.
Bender: Presque Isle, Maine can bite my shiny metal ass! (laughs) This was indeed the best, most funnest day I have ever had in my robotic life!
Somewhere in the distance, another alligator comes out of the water and puts out an egg, then goes back into the water. The egg hatches and out comes a baby alligator looking around then at the screen and hisses.