Futurama

Fan Fiction

The Replacement Delivery Crew
By Trenton Sands

Opening Credits Scene:

Futurama

Not On The Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Screen: Beavis and Butt-head


Scene 1:

While Fry, Bender, and Leela were on a mission, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are once again, left behind.

Amy: Oh, no!

Hermes: What is it, Amy?

Amy (holding cookie tray): My cookies for the Kappa Kappa Wong Bake Sale are undercooked!

Hermes: I thought you graduated. You're a doctor now.

Amy: I'm still a part of them....

Hermes: I know what happened to your cookies. Someone forgot the light the oven.

Amy: Who? Scruffy?

Hermes: No, more like.............ZOIDBERG!!!!

Zoidberg runs in wearing a siren hat.

Zoidberg: What's the emergency? Who started the fire? Was it Billy Joel?

Hermes: You ARE an emergency! Amy's cookies didn't cook because you forgot to light the oven!

Zoidberg: I'm afraid to light the oven! It tried to eat me!

Amy (laughs): No it didn't. Bender tried to push you in.

Zoidberg: I refuse to go near it.

Hermes: Light the oven or your fired!

Amy: And that would be no loss to us!

Zoidberg: I'd rather be fired.

Hermes (lights a match): Fine! Everytime I want something done right, I'll always have to do it myself!

Seconds later, an explosion is heard that sends Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg flying into the air.

Hermes: Sweet parking lanes of Maine!

Zoidberg runs away and Amy has a bowl of cookie dough on her head.

Amy: Why can't this ever happen to Fry, Bender, and Leela?

Zoidberg: Earthquake! Run for your lives!


Scene 2:

Later that day, Fry, Bender, and Leela came back from the mission. The place is clean now.

Leela: We're back from the mission!

Fry: We got an oven from the Maytag planet.

Bender: I beat the crap out of that repair man there.

Farnsworth: Ah, good. You're the best delivery crew ever!

Leela: Wow, thanks! Never heard you say that before.

Fry: You usually insult us.

Bender: Fry, 90 pound people like you are insultable.

Fry: Why do you keep reminding me of how skinny I am?

Leela: Let's just install the new oven we got.

Bender and Leela go to install the oven. Meanwhile, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg walked into the conference room.

Hermes: Best delivery crew ever, huh?

Farnsworth: Got a problem with that? File a report.

Amy: My cookies got undercooked.

Zoidberg: Yes, and there was an earthquake.

Hermes: No, the oven exploded when I tried to light it.

Amy: That's right. There was a huge mess and we had to clean it up! Cookie dough was in my hair.....

Zoidberg: That oven could've ate me....

Farnsworth: What are you guys getting at?

Hermes: Why is it Fry, Bender, and Leela go on missions.....

Amy: While we're stuck here and have silly shananagens happen to us?

Hermes: Next time, _WE_ go on a mission.

Amy: Because we, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg can do better!

Zoidberg: I'm included?

Farnsworth: You guys are not the delivery crew! Now go do whatever it is you do!

Hermes: Well, looks like we have to take matters into our own hands.

Zoidberg: Last time we went on a mission, we were captured. Then we had a vision of what our lives would be like in 10 years. (see Haunted Moon Yonder for details)

Amy: That won't happen again, anyone got a plan?

Fry: What up, dawgs! The oven's installed. You can make your cookies now, Amy.

Hermes: Take your announcement somewhere else you brainless manorexic!

Fry runs away and cries.


Scene 3:

The next day, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were on top of a building waiting for the others to arrive.

Hermes: Got the brain slugs ready?

Amy (holding box): Check.

Hermes: Okay, here's the plan. I'll get Bender, Amy you get Leela, and Zoidberg you get Fry.

Zoidberg: I will obey you! Once we get thought with Fry, Bender, and Leela we'll throw them in a.....

Amy: Don't say it!

They all leave the top of the building once they saw Fry, Leela, and Bender.

Hermes: Since brain slugs won't work on Bender, I know a different way to get him. Wait here for furthur instructions.

Just then a hoverlimo comes Bender's way.

Bender: Wow! Awesome! A hoverlimo! I'll get Elzar or Calculon are in it and want me to hang out with them!

When Bender runs up to the hoverlimo, a window rolls down.

Bender: So long, chumps, I'm going to......

Hermes subdues Bender with a tazer. He carries Bender and throws him in a dumpster.

Zoidberg: Hope his ghost doesn't come back. Why are you throwing him in my dumpster where I live?

Amy: No surprise you live there!

Hermes (sees Leela): Okay, Amy. Get your brain slug ready. Go get Leela.

Amy: I'll be happy to get her!


Scene 4:

Leela walks down the street to Planet Express and Amy stops her.

Amy: Leela! I need your help!

Leela: What do you need help with?

Amy: My tiny cellphone I use to call Kiff! I dropped it on the street!

Leela: Okay, no worries. We'll find it. Where did you drop it?

Amy (pointing to the street): Over there.

Leela knelt down to find the cellphone and Amy sneaks up and puts a brain slug on Leela's head. Leela was subdued.

Amy (carries Leela): Yes! I did it! I did it! Hermes!

Then Amy runs to the dumpster and throws Leela in with an unconscience Bender.

Hermes: Good job, Amy. (sees Fry) Zoidberg! Fry's coming.

Zoidberg: I see him.

Hermes: Okay, good for you. (gets in Zoidberg's face) And whatever you do, DON'T SCREW UP!!!!!

Zoidberg (salutes and hits Hermes): Aye, Aye Captain!

Hermes (kicks Zoidberg): Get out of here!

Zoidberg walks up to Fry casually as Hermes and Amy watch.

Fry: Yo, Zoid Dogg! What up?

Zoidberg: Hi, Fry. Want to walk to Planet Express together? I hate being alone.

Fry: OKay, if you really want to.

Zoidberg: So, what kind of video games are you younguns into these days?

Fry: Sonic the Hedgehog! He's the greatest video game hero ever created! I _hate_ Mario!

Zoidberg: Why don't you and I talk about this Sonic!

Fry: Well, Bender usually makes fun of me.....so......OKay!

VO: Moments Later.....

Fry: Anyway, everytime Sonic, Princess Sally and the Freedom Fighters won a battle, Dr. Robotnik would always beat up Snively for it.

Zoidberg: Wow! Sounds interesting and scary at the same time.

Fry: I like the collect the comic books and I have all the Sonic cartoons on DVD.

Hermes and Amy were watching and wondering what's keeping Zoidberg.

Amy: What's he doing?

Hermes: I don't know. we never should've trusted him, that's for sure!

Zoidberg: I got a surprise for you Fry.

Fry: Really? What is it?

Zoidberg: Just look up in the sky!

Fry: Don't see anything. What's it supposed to be?

Zoidberg puts the brain slug on Fry's head. Fry is subdued.

Zoidberg: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In yo face! In yo face! In you face motha*beep*!

Running down the street, Zoidberg carries and throws him in the dumpster along with Leela and Bender.

Hermes: What took you so long you slimy barnicale?

Amy: He's here and he did his deed.

Hermes: Now it's our turn to be the delivery crew!

Amy: Make that, Replacement Delivery Crew!

Zoidberg (chortling) Heh heh heh heh heh heh! This is gonna be cool! Huh huh huh huh huh!


Scene 5:

With Fry, Bender, and Leela subdued, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are about to go into Planet Express.

Amy: Splay? What do we tell the Professor?

Hermes: We'll tell him they're indisposed at the moment.

Zoidberg: What does that mean?

Amy: It means they're in the bathroom or something!

Zoidberg: OKay, gotcha! Gotcha By Golly Wow!

Hermes: That's "Betcha" By Golly Wow!

They all walk into Planet Express and se Farnsworth there.

Farnsworth: Good news, every...... What? Where's Fry, Leela, and Bender?

Amy: They can't make it today.

Hermes: Yes, there indisposed at the moment!

Zoidberg: Does that mean they're in the bathroom?

Hermes hits Zoidberg.

Zoidberg: Ouch! I have sympathy for Gilligan!

Farnsworth: Well, I guess I have no choice but to send you three.

Amy (Leela-like): What's the mission?

Scruffy comes in with a box of DVDs.

Farnsworth: You guys will send this box of DVDs to the Planet Zulu Dawn.

Zoidberg: What kind of planet is it?

Farnsworth: The planet's culture is like how Africa was in the 1800s. Shaka Zulu is the dictator there.

Hermes: We accept this mission, Zulu Dawn here we come!

And with that, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg board the Planet Express ship with Hermes flying. The ship takes off.


Scene 6:

The Planet Express ship makes it's way to Zulu Dawn.

Zoidberg (to Amy): What up, Amy? Would you like to go out with me?

Amy: Spwell No! I already have a boyfriend!

Zoidberg (to Hermes): Hey, Hermes dude! Would you like to go to the bar and check out some hot chicks? (drinks a Slurm can).

Hermes: What the *beep* do you think you're doing?

Zoidberg: I'm acting like Fry! What was the mission again? Word!

Amy: We are not them, and we will not act like them!

Hermes: That's right. So go do us a solid and flush yourself down the toilet!

Zoidberg: See? You guys are acting like Leela and Bender do when they get mad at Fry!

Hermes: Okay, almost there. Prepare to land!

Amy: Yes! This is our chance to prove we can do deliveries better!

Hermes: I agree! Once they Professor sees what a good job we did.....

Zoidberg: We'll be the new crew!

Amy: Spluh! And Fry, Bender, and Leela will end up scrubbing bathrooms!

Hermes: That should be Zoidberg's job!

Zoidberg: (sighs despondently) Ohhhhhhhhhhh.

As the Planet Express ship lands in Zulu Dawn, back on Earth, Scruffy goes by a dumpster and looks. He sees Fry and Leela with brain slugs on their heads and he revives Bender with a power shocker and takes off the Brain Slugs.


Scene 7:

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are in Zulu Dawn. The planet looked like an 1800s African Village.

Hermes: Once we're the new crew, Fry, Bender, and Leela will have crazy things happen to them!

They all walk into a Zulu Ritual Dance. Zoidberg joins in on it.

Hermes: Stop that right now, you're embarrasing us!

Amy: We're here to make a delivery.

Zoidberg: Here it comes....right on time! It's the ZZZOOOOOOIIIIIIDDDDDD TRAIN!

Then Shaka Zulu's head comes and stops the dance.

Shaka Zulu's Head: ZULU!

Zoidberg: ZoidLU!

Shaka Zulu's Head sees Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg.

Zulu #1: Sir, there's some outsiders here.

Zulu #2: Looks like they have something for us.

Shaka Zulu Head: Come forward to Shaka! Welcome to the Citadel!

Amy: This dude's got a bigger ego than Bender.

Hermes: Greetings kind sir. We're here from Earth and we brought you a gift.

Amy and Zoidberg open the box of DVDs.

Zoidberg: It's DVDs.

Amy: Of Al Jolsen......wait.......AL JOLSEN!

Shaka Zulu: Shaka does not approve of such offensiveness!

Zoidberg: This is a pickle guys! This is a pickle!

Shaka Zulu's Head: You three are hereby banned from the Citadel! After them!

A horn is heard and the Zulus chase Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg.


Scene 8:

Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg continue to be chased by the Zulus. Until a priest finds them and leads them away.

Priest: Quick! Come this way!

The Priest leads them to a trailer for shelter.

Priest: So, my children. Have any sins to confess?

Hermes: Yes, I regret subduing our friends so we can go on a mission.

Priest: Ah, envy.

Zoidberg: Thank you for leading us to safety and...

Hermes: Shut up, Zoidberg! This is all your fault! All you do is hold us down!

Amy: No, spluh! If you never came with us, we'd do this mission just fine!

Priest: Hey, you're supposed to love thy neighbor!

Zoidberg: Hear that guys? You have to love me!

Priest: If you don't, you'll burn in eternal hellfire!

Zoidberg: That's right! If you don't love Zoidberg, you'll go to hell!

Just then, the Zulus ran to the trailer and tried to tip it over.

Hermes: Sweet Kawaiis of Hawaii! They found us!

Zoidberg: We're boned!

Amy: If only Fry, Bender, and Leela can save us!

Zoidberg: Did you bring that cellphone of yours?

Amy: I did (dails her cellphone): Hope they're there.

Hermes: Don't swallow it this time.

Priest: We'll have to put our faith in the Lord your friends will come. Let's pray. As I walk though the valley....


Scene 9:

Back in NNY. Scruffy leads Fry, Bender, and Leela to Planet Express.

Bender: Can someone give me the number of that hovertruck that hit me?

Leela: What the hell happened to us?

Fry: This is what hangovers feel like. And I'm not talking Bradley Cooper.

Scruffy: I know what happened. Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg did this.

Fry: Whatever posessed them to do such a thing?

Leela: The nerve of them...

Scruffy: They got jealous of all the missions you guys go on, so the Professor let them go on one.

The vidphone rings and Bender goes to answer it.

Bender: Bender's Roadkill Grill!

Amy (over phone): Bender, Thank God!

Bender: You think I'm a God?

Hermes: No, idiot! We need you all to come to Zulu Dawn!

Zoidberg: We're in big trouble and we're not in Little China!

Bender: We'll be right over!

Leela: We don't have a ship.

Scruffy: Let you guys use my hovercraft.

Fry: We'll take it.

Fry, Bender, and Leela all go into Scruffy's hovercraft and go to Zulu Dawn.


Scene 10 Conclusion:

Back at Zulu Dawn, the Zulus tipped over the trailer and Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were forced out.

Priest: Don't worry. I got this.

The Priest tries to tip the trailer back over.

Priest: God, give me strength!

The Zulus all gang up on them.

Hermes: We need all the strength we can get!

Amy: Hope we don't end up on a totem pole.

Zoidberg: I'd hate to have my head on a pike.

Priest: Please Zulus. Do yourselves a favor. Obey the Lord.....

Just then, a laser blast is heard. It's Bender with a laser gun. The Priest runs away.

Bender: That's right! Obey me! Lord Bender!

The Zulus all ran away from the laser blast. Fry, Bender, and Leela run out of the hovercraft.

Leela: Are you guys okay?

Hermes: Now that you're here.

Zoidberg: We're so sorry for what we did to you.

Amy: Can you forgive us?

Fry: We do! No problem!

Bender: Not me! It'll do a lot more than sorry to undo the damage you did!

Everyone laughs.

Amy: That's our Bender!

Leela: Come guys. Let's go home.

They all boarded the hovercraft and went straight back to Earth. The next day, Fry, Bender, and Leela were ready for a mission.

Fry: Okay, Professor. Give it to us.

Leela: What's the mission?

Farnsworth: There is no mission. Because of the actions of Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg, they will make deliveries once a week. Today is the day they do so. They will only do Earthbound deliveries. I sent them to deliver a piano. So, you three take the day off!

Bender: So, anyone want to watch Mystery Science Theater 4000? We'll get hammered during it!

Leela: Sure, I'm up for it.

Fry: Cool how it made a comeback for this day and age. Bender, you remind me of Crow!

Bender: Yeah, and you remind me of a dumb, scrawny Joel! (laughs)

Fry: (sighs)

Meanwhile at an Apartment Complex, Hermes and Amy were pushing up a piano with a rope.

Hermes: Zoidberg! Take over!

Amy: We need a break! Push this up.

Zoidberg: All righty then!

Hermes: I'm glad we're doing Earthbound deliveries.

Amy: It's safer that way.

Just as Zoidberg was pushing up the piano, his claws were sweaty.

Old Lady (calling out a window): C'mon! Where's that piano already? You're all worst than those piano delivery men from Nutley!

Zoidberg: Indeed my friends! I am done with space, cold turkey! Wait! I'm going to spit on my claws!

Hermes and Amy: Zoidberg, No!

Zoidberg spat on his claws and the piano landed on him with his head sticking out. Birds flew around his head. Piano keys were on his teeth.

Hermes: Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten us into.

Amy: What do you have to say for yourself?

Zoidberg (spits out the piano keys): BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB!!!! That's all folks!

THE END

Closing Credits.

Buddies