The Replacement Delivery Crew
By Trenton Sands
Opening Credits Scene:
Not On The Boulevard of Broken Dreams
Screen: Beavis and Butt-head
While Fry, Bender, and Leela were on a mission, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are once again, left behind.
Amy: Oh, no!
Hermes: What is it, Amy?
Amy (holding cookie tray): My cookies for the Kappa Kappa Wong Bake Sale are undercooked!
Hermes: I thought you graduated. You're a doctor now.
Amy: I'm still a part of them....
Hermes: I know what happened to your cookies. Someone forgot the light the oven.
Amy: Who? Scruffy?
Hermes: No, more like.............ZOIDBERG!!!!
Zoidberg runs in wearing a siren hat.
Zoidberg: What's the emergency? Who started the fire? Was it Billy Joel?
Hermes: You ARE an emergency! Amy's cookies didn't cook because you forgot to light the oven!
Zoidberg: I'm afraid to light the oven! It tried to eat me!
Amy (laughs): No it didn't. Bender tried to push you in.
Zoidberg: I refuse to go near it.
Hermes: Light the oven or your fired!
Amy: And that would be no loss to us!
Zoidberg: I'd rather be fired.
Hermes (lights a match): Fine! Everytime I want something done right, I'll always have to do it myself!
Seconds later, an explosion is heard that sends Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg flying into the air.
Hermes: Sweet parking lanes of Maine!
Zoidberg runs away and Amy has a bowl of cookie dough on her head.
Amy: Why can't this ever happen to Fry, Bender, and Leela?
Zoidberg: Earthquake! Run for your lives!
Later that day, Fry, Bender, and Leela came back from the mission. The place is clean now.
Leela: We're back from the mission!
Fry: We got an oven from the Maytag planet.
Bender: I beat the crap out of that repair man there.
Farnsworth: Ah, good. You're the best delivery crew ever!
Leela: Wow, thanks! Never heard you say that before.
Fry: You usually insult us.
Bender: Fry, 90 pound people like you are insultable.
Fry: Why do you keep reminding me of how skinny I am?
Leela: Let's just install the new oven we got.
Bender and Leela go to install the oven. Meanwhile, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg walked into the conference room.
Hermes: Best delivery crew ever, huh?
Farnsworth: Got a problem with that? File a report.
Amy: My cookies got undercooked.
Zoidberg: Yes, and there was an earthquake.
Hermes: No, the oven exploded when I tried to light it.
Amy: That's right. There was a huge mess and we had to clean it up! Cookie dough was in my hair.....
Zoidberg: That oven could've ate me....
Farnsworth: What are you guys getting at?
Hermes: Why is it Fry, Bender, and Leela go on missions.....
Amy: While we're stuck here and have silly shananagens happen to us?
Hermes: Next time, _WE_ go on a mission.
Amy: Because we, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg can do better!
Zoidberg: I'm included?
Farnsworth: You guys are not the delivery crew! Now go do whatever it is you do!
Hermes: Well, looks like we have to take matters into our own hands.
Zoidberg: Last time we went on a mission, we were captured. Then we had a vision of what our lives would be like in 10 years. (see Haunted Moon Yonder for details)
Amy: That won't happen again, anyone got a plan?
Fry: What up, dawgs! The oven's installed. You can make your cookies now, Amy.
Hermes: Take your announcement somewhere else you brainless manorexic!
Fry runs away and cries.
The next day, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were on top of a building waiting for the others to arrive.
Hermes: Got the brain slugs ready?
Amy (holding box): Check.
Hermes: Okay, here's the plan. I'll get Bender, Amy you get Leela, and Zoidberg you get Fry.
Zoidberg: I will obey you! Once we get thought with Fry, Bender, and Leela we'll throw them in a.....
Amy: Don't say it!
They all leave the top of the building once they saw Fry, Leela, and Bender.
Hermes: Since brain slugs won't work on Bender, I know a different way to get him. Wait here for furthur instructions.
Just then a hoverlimo comes Bender's way.
Bender: Wow! Awesome! A hoverlimo! I'll get Elzar or Calculon are in it and want me to hang out with them!
When Bender runs up to the hoverlimo, a window rolls down.
Bender: So long, chumps, I'm going to......
Hermes subdues Bender with a tazer. He carries Bender and throws him in a dumpster.
Zoidberg: Hope his ghost doesn't come back. Why are you throwing him in my dumpster where I live?
Amy: No surprise you live there!
Hermes (sees Leela): Okay, Amy. Get your brain slug ready. Go get Leela.
Amy: I'll be happy to get her!
Leela walks down the street to Planet Express and Amy stops her.
Amy: Leela! I need your help!
Leela: What do you need help with?
Amy: My tiny cellphone I use to call Kiff! I dropped it on the street!
Leela: Okay, no worries. We'll find it. Where did you drop it?
Amy (pointing to the street): Over there.
Leela knelt down to find the cellphone and Amy sneaks up and puts a brain slug on Leela's head. Leela was subdued.
Amy (carries Leela): Yes! I did it! I did it! Hermes!
Then Amy runs to the dumpster and throws Leela in with an unconscience Bender.
Hermes: Good job, Amy. (sees Fry) Zoidberg! Fry's coming.
Zoidberg: I see him.
Hermes: Okay, good for you. (gets in Zoidberg's face) And whatever you do, DON'T SCREW UP!!!!!
Zoidberg (salutes and hits Hermes): Aye, Aye Captain!
Hermes (kicks Zoidberg): Get out of here!
Zoidberg walks up to Fry casually as Hermes and Amy watch.
Fry: Yo, Zoid Dogg! What up?
Zoidberg: Hi, Fry. Want to walk to Planet Express together? I hate being alone.
Fry: OKay, if you really want to.
Zoidberg: So, what kind of video games are you younguns into these days?
Fry: Sonic the Hedgehog! He's the greatest video game hero ever created! I _hate_ Mario!
Zoidberg: Why don't you and I talk about this Sonic!
Fry: Well, Bender usually makes fun of me.....so......OKay!
VO: Moments Later.....
Fry: Anyway, everytime Sonic, Princess Sally and the Freedom Fighters won a battle, Dr. Robotnik would always beat up Snively for it.
Zoidberg: Wow! Sounds interesting and scary at the same time.
Fry: I like the collect the comic books and I have all the Sonic cartoons on DVD.
Hermes and Amy were watching and wondering what's keeping Zoidberg.
Amy: What's he doing?
Hermes: I don't know. we never should've trusted him, that's for sure!
Zoidberg: I got a surprise for you Fry.
Fry: Really? What is it?
Zoidberg: Just look up in the sky!
Fry: Don't see anything. What's it supposed to be?
Zoidberg puts the brain slug on Fry's head. Fry is subdued.
Zoidberg: Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! In yo face! In yo face! In you face motha*beep*!
Running down the street, Zoidberg carries and throws him in the dumpster along with Leela and Bender.
Hermes: What took you so long you slimy barnicale?
Amy: He's here and he did his deed.
Hermes: Now it's our turn to be the delivery crew!
Amy: Make that, Replacement Delivery Crew!
Zoidberg (chortling) Heh heh heh heh heh heh! This is gonna be cool! Huh huh huh huh huh!
With Fry, Bender, and Leela subdued, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are about to go into Planet Express.
Amy: Splay? What do we tell the Professor?
Hermes: We'll tell him they're indisposed at the moment.
Zoidberg: What does that mean?
Amy: It means they're in the bathroom or something!
Zoidberg: OKay, gotcha! Gotcha By Golly Wow!
Hermes: That's "Betcha" By Golly Wow!
They all walk into Planet Express and se Farnsworth there.
Farnsworth: Good news, every...... What? Where's Fry, Leela, and Bender?
Amy: They can't make it today.
Hermes: Yes, there indisposed at the moment!
Zoidberg: Does that mean they're in the bathroom?
Hermes hits Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: Ouch! I have sympathy for Gilligan!
Farnsworth: Well, I guess I have no choice but to send you three.
Amy (Leela-like): What's the mission?
Scruffy comes in with a box of DVDs.
Farnsworth: You guys will send this box of DVDs to the Planet Zulu Dawn.
Zoidberg: What kind of planet is it?
Farnsworth: The planet's culture is like how Africa was in the 1800s. Shaka Zulu is the dictator there.
Hermes: We accept this mission, Zulu Dawn here we come!
And with that, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg board the Planet Express ship with Hermes flying. The ship takes off.
The Planet Express ship makes it's way to Zulu Dawn.
Zoidberg (to Amy): What up, Amy? Would you like to go out with me?
Amy: Spwell No! I already have a boyfriend!
Zoidberg (to Hermes): Hey, Hermes dude! Would you like to go to the bar and check out some hot chicks? (drinks a Slurm can).
Hermes: What the *beep* do you think you're doing?
Zoidberg: I'm acting like Fry! What was the mission again? Word!
Amy: We are not them, and we will not act like them!
Hermes: That's right. So go do us a solid and flush yourself down the toilet!
Zoidberg: See? You guys are acting like Leela and Bender do when they get mad at Fry!
Hermes: Okay, almost there. Prepare to land!
Amy: Yes! This is our chance to prove we can do deliveries better!
Hermes: I agree! Once they Professor sees what a good job we did.....
Zoidberg: We'll be the new crew!
Amy: Spluh! And Fry, Bender, and Leela will end up scrubbing bathrooms!
Hermes: That should be Zoidberg's job!
Zoidberg: (sighs despondently) Ohhhhhhhhhhh.
As the Planet Express ship lands in Zulu Dawn, back on Earth, Scruffy goes by a dumpster and looks. He sees Fry and Leela with brain slugs on their heads and he revives Bender with a power shocker and takes off the Brain Slugs.
Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg are in Zulu Dawn. The planet looked like an 1800s African Village.
Hermes: Once we're the new crew, Fry, Bender, and Leela will have crazy things happen to them!
They all walk into a Zulu Ritual Dance. Zoidberg joins in on it.
Hermes: Stop that right now, you're embarrasing us!
Amy: We're here to make a delivery.
Zoidberg: Here it comes....right on time! It's the ZZZOOOOOOIIIIIIDDDDDD TRAIN!
Then Shaka Zulu's head comes and stops the dance.
Shaka Zulu's Head: ZULU!
Shaka Zulu's Head sees Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg.
Zulu #1: Sir, there's some outsiders here.
Zulu #2: Looks like they have something for us.
Shaka Zulu Head: Come forward to Shaka! Welcome to the Citadel!
Amy: This dude's got a bigger ego than Bender.
Hermes: Greetings kind sir. We're here from Earth and we brought you a gift.
Amy and Zoidberg open the box of DVDs.
Zoidberg: It's DVDs.
Amy: Of Al Jolsen......wait.......AL JOLSEN!
Shaka Zulu: Shaka does not approve of such offensiveness!
Zoidberg: This is a pickle guys! This is a pickle!
Shaka Zulu's Head: You three are hereby banned from the Citadel! After them!
A horn is heard and the Zulus chase Hermes, Amy, Zoidberg.
Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg continue to be chased by the Zulus. Until a priest finds them and leads them away.
Priest: Quick! Come this way!
The Priest leads them to a trailer for shelter.
Priest: So, my children. Have any sins to confess?
Hermes: Yes, I regret subduing our friends so we can go on a mission.
Priest: Ah, envy.
Zoidberg: Thank you for leading us to safety and...
Hermes: Shut up, Zoidberg! This is all your fault! All you do is hold us down!
Amy: No, spluh! If you never came with us, we'd do this mission just fine!
Priest: Hey, you're supposed to love thy neighbor!
Zoidberg: Hear that guys? You have to love me!
Priest: If you don't, you'll burn in eternal hellfire!
Zoidberg: That's right! If you don't love Zoidberg, you'll go to hell!
Just then, the Zulus ran to the trailer and tried to tip it over.
Hermes: Sweet Kawaiis of Hawaii! They found us!
Zoidberg: We're boned!
Amy: If only Fry, Bender, and Leela can save us!
Zoidberg: Did you bring that cellphone of yours?
Amy: I did (dails her cellphone): Hope they're there.
Hermes: Don't swallow it this time.
Priest: We'll have to put our faith in the Lord your friends will come. Let's pray. As I walk though the valley....
Back in NNY. Scruffy leads Fry, Bender, and Leela to Planet Express.
Bender: Can someone give me the number of that hovertruck that hit me?
Leela: What the hell happened to us?
Fry: This is what hangovers feel like. And I'm not talking Bradley Cooper.
Scruffy: I know what happened. Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg did this.
Fry: Whatever posessed them to do such a thing?
Leela: The nerve of them...
Scruffy: They got jealous of all the missions you guys go on, so the Professor let them go on one.
The vidphone rings and Bender goes to answer it.
Bender: Bender's Roadkill Grill!
Amy (over phone): Bender, Thank God!
Bender: You think I'm a God?
Hermes: No, idiot! We need you all to come to Zulu Dawn!
Zoidberg: We're in big trouble and we're not in Little China!
Bender: We'll be right over!
Leela: We don't have a ship.
Scruffy: Let you guys use my hovercraft.
Fry: We'll take it.
Fry, Bender, and Leela all go into Scruffy's hovercraft and go to Zulu Dawn.
Scene 10 Conclusion:
Back at Zulu Dawn, the Zulus tipped over the trailer and Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg were forced out.
Priest: Don't worry. I got this.
The Priest tries to tip the trailer back over.
Priest: God, give me strength!
The Zulus all gang up on them.
Hermes: We need all the strength we can get!
Amy: Hope we don't end up on a totem pole.
Zoidberg: I'd hate to have my head on a pike.
Priest: Please Zulus. Do yourselves a favor. Obey the Lord.....
Just then, a laser blast is heard. It's Bender with a laser gun. The Priest runs away.
Bender: That's right! Obey me! Lord Bender!
The Zulus all ran away from the laser blast. Fry, Bender, and Leela run out of the hovercraft.
Leela: Are you guys okay?
Hermes: Now that you're here.
Zoidberg: We're so sorry for what we did to you.
Amy: Can you forgive us?
Fry: We do! No problem!
Bender: Not me! It'll do a lot more than sorry to undo the damage you did!
Amy: That's our Bender!
Leela: Come guys. Let's go home.
They all boarded the hovercraft and went straight back to Earth. The next day, Fry, Bender, and Leela were ready for a mission.
Fry: Okay, Professor. Give it to us.
Leela: What's the mission?
Farnsworth: There is no mission. Because of the actions of Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg, they will make deliveries once a week. Today is the day they do so. They will only do Earthbound deliveries. I sent them to deliver a piano. So, you three take the day off!
Bender: So, anyone want to watch Mystery Science Theater 4000? We'll get hammered during it!
Leela: Sure, I'm up for it.
Fry: Cool how it made a comeback for this day and age. Bender, you remind me of Crow!
Bender: Yeah, and you remind me of a dumb, scrawny Joel! (laughs)
Meanwhile at an Apartment Complex, Hermes and Amy were pushing up a piano with a rope.
Hermes: Zoidberg! Take over!
Amy: We need a break! Push this up.
Zoidberg: All righty then!
Hermes: I'm glad we're doing Earthbound deliveries.
Amy: It's safer that way.
Just as Zoidberg was pushing up the piano, his claws were sweaty.
Old Lady (calling out a window): C'mon! Where's that piano already? You're all worst than those piano delivery men from Nutley!
Zoidberg: Indeed my friends! I am done with space, cold turkey! Wait! I'm going to spit on my claws!
Hermes and Amy: Zoidberg, No!
Zoidberg spat on his claws and the piano landed on him with his head sticking out. Birds flew around his head. Piano keys were on his teeth.
Hermes: Well, here's another nice mess you've gotten us into.
Amy: What do you have to say for yourself?
Zoidberg (spits out the piano keys): BLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLBLB!!!! That's all folks!