Futurama

Fan Fiction

Dead noise
By Trenton Sands

Will Never Be The Kind Of Cartoon That Will Have a Kid's Meal Toy

Screen: Eek! The Cat


Scene 1:

The Planet Express Crew was at the top of a tall 260 foot building. They were cleaning out Hyperchicken's office. Leela was taking the vacuum, Amy was sweeping, Hermes was dusting, Zoidberg was carrying a heavy load, Fry was outside the office painting Hyperchicken's name on the Glass Window of the front entrance. Bender was sitting on the chair watching everybody work.

Leela: Pick up the pace, people! C'mon! You lazy bums!

Amy: Splah! My Grandmother works faster than you.

Bender: Ahhh. Wouldn't you believe it? Moving Hyperchicken all the way to the 113th floor! Man, being great is exhausting.

Zoidberg (walks up to Bender): Hope you didn't strain yourself carrying that pipeline.

Bender: Nah, I can take it. (hands Zoidberg a hat rack) Put this hat rack up against that corner.

Zoidberg: I think it ought to go on the wall.

Bender: The corner!

Zoidberg: The wall!

Bender: The corner!

Zoidberg: The wall!

Bender hits Zoidberg over the head with the hat rack.

Zoidberg: OUCH! (giving in): The corner!

Hermes: Here. Make yourself useful and don't drop anything. (puts a duster on the boxes Zoidberg was carrying).

Zoidberg (dejectedly): Yes sir.

Bender steps out of the office, and Fry accidentally paints Bender's upper lip.

Fry: A mustache! What an improvement!

Bender (looks in mirror): Hmmmm, you're right! Look even more evil than I already am. Say Fry. What's that you have there in the can?

Fry: It's paint.

Bender: Open your mouth!

Fry: Sure. (opens mouth)

Bender: Here's some cavity fillings for you!

Fry: Bleh! (spits)

Then Bender throws the can of paint at Fry's mouth, and paint spills all over Fry, his mouth, and his clothes. Then Zoidberg sneezes because the duster was on top of the boxes he was carrying. The sneeze breaks the plated glass Fry was painting and Zoidberg falls into a corner.

Zoidberg (laughs): Sneezed!

Fry: Oh no! My Masterpiece!

Leela: All you did was paint the name on the plated glass, that's not a masterpiece. Great! Now we have to start over...

Amy: No we don't. I can fix the glass just by saying the magic words.

Hermes: What magic words?

Amy (singing): Safeglass Repair! Safelite replace!

The plated glass automatically fixed itself and jumped onto the door.

Fry: YAY! My masterpiece is saved!

Bender: Hey Fry, do you know artists take from their lives? Why you ought to paint a self-portait of what a scrawny moron you are! (laughs)


Scene 2:

Everything was clean and done in Hyperchicken's office. The Planet Express crew go into another one planning on what they were going to do next. The office belonged to the Sam Shovel Detective Agency.

Bender: Wonder what loser owns this office?

Leela: Looks like an office of a private eye.

Fry: Yeah, like Dick Tracy! Or Matlock!

Hermes: This was a strange mission. Matlock was a lawyer, idiot.

Amy: You're telling me. What should we do next?

Zoidberg (looks around): Must be great to be a Private Eye. You're rough and you're tough! Gotta be ready for anything.....

Everyone looks at Zoidberg as he was sitting on a chair.

Bender: We don't want to play your loser Private Eye game.

Zoidberg: I'm not playing who says I'm playing...........besides, a Private Eye might have a gun in his desk....(opens desk and sees a gun)

Just as Zoidberg takes out the gun everyone ducks.

Zoidberg (sits back in the chair): He could be sitting just like this, when a beautiful girl runs in, desperate! Not knowing where to turn.

Farnsworth comes running in the office where everyone is.

Leela: Professor? What's wrong?

Fry: That's not a beautiful girl! That's the Professor.

Leela slaps Fry upside the head.

Farnsworth: Bad news, everyone...

Bender: Zoidberg's going to live another 100 years?

Hermes: The buercracy has gone out of business?

Farnsworth: My brother Floyd died! We all must attend his funeral at once!

Bender: A funeral for a worthless human? I'm in, baby!

They all follow The Professor and go to the funeral home.


Scene 3:

At the New New York Funeral Home everyone there attends Floyd's funeral. Preacherbot comes up to the podium. The Funeral Home was connected to the church. Fry, Bender, Hermes, and Zoidberg were wearing black suits and Leela and Amy were wearing black dresses.

Preacherbot: Anyone care to see anything about our fallen brethren Floyd Farnsworth?

Nobody comes up to say anything.

Fry: We never really knew him...

When Farnsworth approaches the podium, then Preacherbot gives him an envelope. Then Farnsworth pushes a button and is about to put on a clip show.

Farnsworth: I'll show you all this clip show about my brother....

Bender: Oh, no! Not a clip show! BO-RING!!!!

Leela: Bender, stop!

Bender (jumps up and down): Spectacles, Tentacles, Wallet and Watch!

Hermes: Show some respect for the House of the Lord!

Bender: Want to make this more interesting! So I'm turning this place into a 'Fun-eral'! Let's pretend like we're possessed! (makes goofy nonsensical sounds and runs around).

Fry: Good old Bender! Always knows how to make a good time out of anything!

Amy (cynically): You're telling me.

Preacherbot: My condolences, Hubert.

Then Farnsworth decides not to do the clip show.

Farnsworth (opens envelope): My brother Floyd.......(reads the paper inside) Has just left me a Cloud Castle?

Everyone gasps!

Bender (stops): A castle? He was rich?!?! The Professor deceived us! We demand higher pay!

Leela: Again! Shut up, Bender!

Amy: What's this about a Cloud Castle?

Farnsworth: No, Floyd wasn't rich. Apparently he left me a Cloud Castle that he shared with a mad scientist who used to experiment on deranged mental hospital patients! The mad scientist owned it and gave it to Floyd.

Bender: The mental hospital's escaped patients are Fry and Leela! (laughs)

Hermes: Read some more!

Farnsworth: And this Cloud Castle is rumored to be haunted by ghosts!

Zoidberg (jumps into the air): G-G-G-G-G-G-G-GHOSTS!!!!!! (runs out of the funeral home)

Leela: Guess we know what our next mission is going to be.....

Fry: I need to use the bathroom.

As Fry walks to the bathroom, he walks in on a man who was putting makeup on a corpse.

Fry: Excuse me, do you know where the bathroom is?

The man's name was Winster. He was a Funeral Director. He was known for seeing things that aren't there and using invisible items that aren't there. Winster looked like a disheveled middle aged man. He had gray hair, crooked teeth and wore a black tuxedo. And gets words mixed up and uses them in a wrong way.

Winster: I'll show you the bathroom if you help me put on Mr. Feeny's clothes.

Fry: Sure!

Then Winster and Fry put on the clothes of Mr. Feeny's corpse in the casket. The corpse of Mr. Feeny looked like Commander McBrag.

Winster: My name is Winster. Wow! You have a knack for this! Ever considered working here?

Fry: Seems kind of morbid.....

Winster: We need some help.

Fry: Then I'm your man!

Winster: Good. Report here yesterday....

Fry: Okay, I.......what?

Winster was putting on an invisible suit on another corpse. And Fry looks on in dismay and confusion.

Fry: I'll be here. Yesterday.


Scene 4:

The next day at the New New York Funeral Parlor, Fry is enjoying his new job. Winster comes in to check on his progress. Fry was putting makeup on a corpse.

Winster: Great job you're doing there with Mr. Anderson's body.

Fry: Thanks dude! It's good to have a peaceful job for a change. Instead of always going on chaotic adventures.

Winster: Nice weather we had tomorrow!

Fry: You bet it.....what?

Winster: But there's one problem...

Fry: What's that?

Winster: You need to use this makeup kit! (holds nothing in his hands)

Fry: An imaginary one?

Winster: IT'S A REAL ONE! ALL RIGHT? JUST USE IT! And use it on Mr. Clancy and Mr. Yemens!

Fry: Whatever you say!

Winster walks away as Fry puts the invisible makeup on the corpses of Mr. Anderson, Clancy, and Yemens. The corpse of Anderson looked like William Shatner. The corpses of Clancy and Yemens looked like Statler and Waldorf. In a distance, some window shutters were opened, and Zoidberg slowly and surely appears watching Fry do his work. Meanwhile, back at Planet Express, The Professor explains at a meeting to Leela, Bender, Hermes, and Amy about the Cloud Castle.

Farnsworth: Let's review. I called you all to this meeting to discuss this Cloud Castle.

Leela: What's the deal with this Cloud Castle?

Farnsworth: My brother Floyd wanted me to have it after he died to make up for him not being in my life. That's what it said in his will.

Bender: Geez! Why are all your family loser deadbeats? First Fry, then Ignar, and now Floyd! Who would've thought there would be a deadbeat brother?!

Hermes: How was he able to afford it?

Farnsworth: Already told you! Somebody gave it to him! A mad scientist he was working for. And this scientist used this Cloud Castle to do expirements on mental hospital patients like I said before, and the ghosts are that of the patients.

Leela: What are we going to do about this?

Bender: And I suppose you want us to check it out just for you!

Farnsworth: Indeed! Since Fry and Zoidberg are nowhere to be seen, you 4 will have to do it. After all, I'd do it myself.....

Amy: You're already in your pajamas?

Farnsworth: Yes. Oh, and I want you all to use this when you go.

Bender and Leela look on as Farnsworth holds out a laptop complete with a microphone.

Leela: It's just a laptop. Why not a Ouija Board?

Hermes: That would make more sense.

Amy: What are we supposed to do with that?

Farnsworth: It's more than a laptop. It's a laptop and a Ouija Board in one! I call it The Spirit Box! Now take it with you, and go get rid of these ghosts! But you will all have to go at night. That's when the ghosts will appear.

Bender: All right! Ghost Hunting! Just like those dudes in Ghost Adventures 3000 on the Universal Travel Channel.

Leela: Do you and Fry have to relate to everything you see on TV?

Bender: We're TV fanatics, so yeah!

Amy: Woah, Leela. Take it easy, dude!

Leela: All right, Amy.

Bender: I can scare those ghosts away with this! (holds out and plays accordian for a while then stops) C'mon people! (in sing-song voice) Let's make Professy-Wessy feel betty be getting wid of these scwary ghosts!

Leela, Bender, Hermes, and Amy were all preparing for their adventure.


Scene 5:

Later that night, back at the New New York Funeral Parlor, Fry prepares to put clothes and makeup on some more corpses in caskets (however, it had to be invisible clothes and makeup) as he opens the caskets and realizes the corpses he was working on are gone!

Fry (screams): The corpses are gone!

Winster: What's going on?

Fry: Someone stole the corpses!

Winster: No they didn't! They're still there! (leads Fry to empty casket) See?

Fry: There's nothing in there!

Winster: Yes there is! The corpses are still there! We'll do open casket!

Fry: Somebody stole them! What are people going to think about their dead loved ones being missing? (walks out) Take over my shift for me, I'm reporting this to my friends.

Winster takes over as Fry walks back to Planet Express. Once Fry arrives there, he hears Zoidberg singing.

Zoidberg (singing): Why Can't We Be Friends? Why Can't We Be Friends? Why Can't We Be Friends? Why Can't We Be Friends?.....

Fry enters the kitchen only to see Zoidberg at the table with the three corpses of Andrerson, Yemens, and Clancy he stole. And Fry was angry at what he saw.

Zoidberg: Howdy Fry! Look! I have friends now!

Fry: ZOIDBERG?!?! You're the one who stole those corpses?

Zoidberg: I'm so desperate for companionship and look! They can't talk back to me!

Fry (angerly): What are their families going to think? All right Zoidberg! I'm going to count to three and those corpses better go back in their crypts! 1.....2.....

Zoidberg doesn't budge. Just then, Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy walk into the kitchen.

Leela: What the hell is this, Weekend At Zoidy's? (laughs)

Bender: More like Zoidberg's the host of "Is There"? (laughs) One of my favorite Monty Python sketches!

Hermes: Sweet Beaver Dams of Birmingham! This is Night Of The Living Dead! (laughs)

Amy: All his friends killed themselves because Zoidberg's such a boring party host! (laughs)

Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy laugh.

Fry: STOP THIS! Don't you guys know how serious this is? And my new boss is a fruitcake who doesn't want to believe it and thinks pretend things are real. I'm not kidding! My boss is so insane that he's like the long lost Grandfather of Amanda Bynes!

They all laugh again. Then one of the corpses arm falls off and Zoidberg eats it.

Zoidberg: Why be friends with them when I can eat them!

Fry: EEEEEEKKKKKK!!!!

One by one Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy go off on their adventure.

Bender: Looks like you're on your own, scrawny!

Leela: Think this out for yourself for once, Fry. We're going Ghost Hunting.

Hermes: Have fun with your dead bodies!

Amy: Splah! Later losers!

As the others set off for the Cloud Castle, Fry looks at Zoidberg very mortified.

Zoidberg: MMMMM!! What a tasty meal!

Fry (angrily): You make me sick! (walks off)

As Fry walks away, Zoidberg eats the three corpses.

Zoidberg (talks to corpse): What's your name? I'm going to call you 'lunch'! Hello Lunch! (gobbles the corpse)


Scene 6:

The Planet Express ship drives off to find The Cloud Castle which was located on top of a pile of cumulus clouds on the boarder between the Earth Sky and Space. Once they arrive there they all go inside. The interior looks like a cross between an old laboratory and a haunted house. Everything is vacant and looks like the inside of a wooden house. All the windows were open letting the wind in and a door slams shut behind them.

Bender: This dude who owned this place must've been nuts!

Leela (takes out Spirit Box): Let's try to communicate with the ghosts.

Hermes: Why would we want to do that?

Leela: So they can tell us what happened to them...

Amy: And set their spirits free.

Leela: Exactly.

Then Bender turns on the Spirit Box. And on the Spirit Box just like a computer, it showed some lines that looked like a Heart Monitor.

Bender: What is this? ER all of a sudden? What're we doing? Checking their vital signs? We can't get decent health care on this planet and we're checking ghost's vital signs?

Hermes: This is no time for jokes, Bender.

Amy (holds out a microphone and talks into it): Hello, Ghosts? Where are you?

The Ghosts communicate with them and the lines on the Spirit Box get squiggly.

Ghosts: HELP US! HELP US! WE'RE...........IN............PAIN!

Leela: Horrible stuff must have happened here.

Amy (talks into microphone): What do you guys want?

Ghosts: WE WANT TO BE FREE!

Amy: (talks into microphone): How do you want us to free you?

Ghosts: WE CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE! PUSH THE RED...........PUSH THE RED..........PUSH THE RED....

Bender: Push the Red, what?!

Hermes: I don't see any red buttons here.

Leela (talks into microphone): What's this red thing that needs to be pushed?

Ghosts: PUSH THE RED.....PUSH THE RED............KILL! KILL! KILL! KILLLLLLLLL!

Amy (gasps): It's like they want to kill one of us!

Leela: But which one....

Bender: According to the laws of Horror Movies, the black guy has to be the first to get killed! (grabs Hermes) So long, Hermes! It's been a wild ride!

Leela: Bender NO!

Hermes: Let me go, you insane maniac!

Amy: Bender? What are you doing?

Bender (throws Hermes): Send us a postcard!

Hermes: Sweet Zombie Jesus!

As Hermes screams as he gets thrown into a table with a flower pot on it. It angers the ghosts. Hermes recovers and is okay. Hermes gets up.

Ghosts: BBBOOOOOO!!!! OOOOOOOO!!!!! BBBBBOOOOOOO!!!! OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH!!!

Leela: Oh, Lord! Bender's crazy antics mess us up, again!

Bender: What? I was doing what I thought was right.

Hermes: I'll never forgive you for that!

Then the Ghosts all surround Leela, Bender, Hermes, and Amy.

Ghosts: BBBBOOOO!!!! OOOOOOOO! BBBOOOOO!!! OOOOOOHHHH!! We're going to make sure you never leave! (laughs evilly) You're all going to be stuck here in Cloud Castle forever! OOOOOOOHHHH!!!!

Amy: I've got a really bad feeling about this........


Scene 7:

The Ghosts carry Bender, Leela, Hermes, and Amy and throw them to different parts of the Cloud Castle. They are all helpless against them.

Leela: I demand to know why you're doing this!

Ghosts: What do you want from us? We're ghosts of mental hospital patients! What do you expect? (laughs evilly)

Bender gets thrown to one part of the Cloud Castle, and Leela and the others the same. They are all knocked out. Back in New New York, Fry was in Robot Arms Apartments looking for something to wear to work. Then he realizes all his clothes are in the wash.

Fry: Dammit! Bender forgot to do my laundry! That's right. Bender's at that scary castle the Professor inherited. What to do......

Then Fry hears Leela's and Bender's voices echo in his head.

Bender (voice echos): Looks like you're on your own, scrawny!

Leela (voice echos): Think this out for yourself.....yourself......yourself.....for once! Once.....once.....once......

After a while Fry turns on the washing machine. Then ends up walking to the New New York Funeral Parlor in his underwear.

Fry: Too bad my clothes are in the wash. Hope Winster understands.

Once Fry arrived there for his job, Winster meets him in the morgue and there's a casket with a dead black guy in it wearing a suit. His name is Mr. Ginka.

Winster: Greetings Lad! (sees Fry in his underwear) I say that's a smashing outfit you have on.

Fry: You see, the thing is my clothes are all in the wash so I had no choice.

Winster: You do have clothes on! Oh, and look how fat you are!

Fry: I don't have on clothes! I wish I was fat!

Winster: Before we get started, put some clothes on that corpse over there and them put some makeup on that black guy. Mr. Ginka is his name.

Fry: Yes sir!

As Fry goes to the male corpse to put clothes on him, Winster stops him.

Winster: Uh Uh Uh Uh Uh! You're using the wrong suit! (holds a coat hanger with no clothes on it) Put this one of him.

Fry: You're nuts! Seeing things that aren't there!

Winster: Who said I was nuts? I'll find him! (walks away and carries a stick)

Then as he's soon as Fry's done putting the real suit on the corpse, he goes to Mr. Ginka's corpse and notices he's gone!

Fry: What the.....

Winster: What's wrong?

Fry: It happened again! Mr. Ginka's corpse is gone......I think I know who did it! (storms off)

Winster: Where are you going?

Fry: Out!

Winster: That's funny. I couldn't find the guy who called me nuts! Oh well!

Moments later, Fry walks back to Planet Express and is wearing his usual clothes. Zoidberg is in the kitchen cooking the corpse of Mr. Ginka! Fry decides to think this out for himself instead of always relying on Leela and Bender do to things for him.

Zoidberg (sees Fry walk in): Hello Fry!

Fry: OKay, Dr. Zoidberg! Out with it! And don't pretend you don't know what I'm talking about.

Zoidberg: Fine! I stole the corpse so I can eat it! (takes Mr. Ginka out of the pot) See? Wanted to eat a black guy for a change!

Fry: His funeral's tomorrow! (thinking): Now what would Bender do?

Zoidberg (chomps on corpse): Mmmmmmm! I ate three white guys, but this black guy is delectable! Blacks! The other dark meat! Who says dark meat is bad for you?!

Fry (angerly): That's does it! I've had it! We all had to do closed casket funerals because of you. And my boss is insane, he thinks they're still inside the caskets. Who knows how those families are going to act when they find out someday that their caskets are empty!

Zoidberg: Can't help it! I'm so hungry all the time....

Fry (angerly): I don't care! Mr. Ginka's funeral is tomorrow. And you're going to help me with it. And we are both going to that funeral, come hell or high freaking water!

Zoidberg: Do you suggest we go grave robbing?

Fry: I think I know who the corpse is going to be.....

Zoidberg: Who?

Fry: YOU!


Scene 8:

Meanwhile back at the Cloud Castle, Bender looks around for the others and is in the attic.

Bender: As usual, everyone else is lost and who is it up to save everybody? Me! Bender! Geez, this looks like the place from Flowers in the Attic. That Grandmother in it was bad ass!

One of the ghosts drops a bomb next to Bender.

Bender (kicks bomb): Get outta here, you damned bomb.

Then the bomb comes back.

Bender: Yo ghosts! You so stupid that you don't know that robots can withstand bombs? (throws bomb)

Then the bomb comes back again.

Bender (growls): I fought in a war once. Saw some things man!....(kicks bomb)

Then the bomb comes back again.

Bender: Oh, so you're gettin' tough are ya.....(picks up bomb) Hey! Spirits of mental hospital patients! Bite My Shiny Metal....

Then the bomb finally explodes on Bender. Then Bender is disheveled, but is okay. Bender also has duck bills on the back of his head and turns them to his lips.

Bender (in a Duffy Duck voice): Of course you realize THIS MEANS WAR!!!!! (marches off)


Scene 9:

Hermes is in a bedroom looking around. He tries to escape but the windows and door lock shut.

Ghosts: Can't get out now....

Hermes: Oh yes I can! Never underestimate a bureaucrat!

As Hermes tries to look for a way out, the ghosts throw him against the wall.

Hermes: WOAH! Ouch! Fine, you got me that time!

Ghost: Go to the mirror, boy!

Hermes: You're calling me 'boy'?! That's racist!

The ghosts lead Hermes to the mirror in the bedroom, and Hermes sees a scratch on his face.

Hermes (scratches his face): Doesn't look too bad....

As Hermes scratches his face some more, the mirror image looks like his face is falling apart, slowly...

Hermes (gasps in horror): Oh, no!

Then the mirror image shows Hermes's face torn off and all is left is muscle mast. Hermes screams.

Hermes: This is no way to treat a former Olympic Limbo champion!

The Mirror Image goes back to normal and Hermes is relived to see his face normal again.

Hermes: Whew! (goes under the bed)

Ghosts: We can still see you!

The ghosts grab Hermes and turn him upside down until they throw him on the bed. Then Hermes grabs a hockey puck in the closet.

Hermes: I don't care if you're ghosts, I'll fight you off somehow....

Then Hermes jumps onto the bed and dives and the ghosts freeze him in midair.

Hermes: HELP! HELP! HELP! I can't move! Sweet Cabanas of Louisana!


Scene 10:

Leela was on the balcony of the Cloud Castle looking for Bender, Hermes, and Amy. Bender is looking for revenge as he runs by the bedroom Hermes is in who's still in mid-air! The balcony Leela was on was 10 stories high.

Hermes: HELP! HELP! Get me down!

Bender (stops running): That sounds like Hermes!

As Bender runs into the room, he sees Hermes in mid-air.

Hermes: Thank heavens you're here! Get me down!

Bender: Hey, Hermes? Whazzup! (laughs)

Hermes: Stop joking! And get me down from here!

Bender: Only if you say one of these either 'Pass The Dutchie From The Left Hand Side' or (in Southern accent) 'I gotta be headed down the ol' dusty trail'!

Hermes: Do you have to be so politically incorrect? (in regular voice) I gotta be headed down the ol' dusty trail!

Bender: No, say it the way I said it!

Hermes: I'm not saying that! I'll say the other one! Pass The Dutchie From The Left Hand Side!

Bender: You got it!

Hermes is helped down by Bender then some ghosts chase them. Leela sees them and tries to come down from the balcony to join them.

Leela: I'm right here you guys! Wait for me.

Then Leela tries to catch up to Hermes and Bender only to unwittingly slip on a banana peel and falls off the balcony and onto the floor.

Leela: AAAAHHHHHHH!!!! Son of a.....

The Ghosts spill some wine all over her.

Leela: Fffffffph!!!! STOP!

Amy was in the basement trying to look for the others. Then she hears a voice.

Ghost: AAAAMMMMMYYYY!!!!

Amy: Who's there?

Ghost: AAAAAAMMMMMYYYY?!?!?!?!!

Amy: Who is it?

Ghost: It's me! Your long lost older brother, Andy!

Amy: I don't have a brother! I'm an only child!

The Ghost morphs before her into a Chinese man who looks like a male version of Amy. The ghost is in a light blue sweat suit and hiker boots.

Amy: Cut this out! Don't believe this at all!

Ghost: I am your brother Andy! See? I wear sweat suits, too!

Amy (rolls eyes): What happened to you? How come I never knew you?

Ghost: Couldn't stand being rich, so I rebeled against my parents, and they disowned me. Then I ran away and joined a street gang. Then I got killed in a drive by shooting! Guess you can say I was the black sheep of the Wong Family.

Amy: Go away! You can't fool me! (screams in Cantonese)

Ghost: I don't approve of your marriage to Kiff!

Amy: Leave Kiff out of this! (chases the ghost)

Then the ghost leads Amy to an open window.

Ghost: How come you didn't give Mom and Dad a grandchild yet?

Amy: I'm not ready! (runs after ghost)

Ghost: Come join me! I love you little sister!

Then Amy falls out of the window hanging onto a railing. The Ghost disappears. She manages to get herself up. Then falls through a trap door and ends up with Leela.

Leela: Amy? You okay?

Amy: I'm okay. Those ghosts tried to make me think I had a brother....

Leela: You think you had it bad, I just survived a fall that could've killed Super Dave Osborne!

Amy: You watch way too much Smothers Brothers.

Bender and Hermes see Leela and Amy on the floor and join them. Hermes has the Spirit Box.

Hermes: That's where you guys are. At least we're together now....

Bender: Hey, Leela! Who spilled all that wine on you? Eric Burden? (laughs)

Leela: Very funny Bender.

Amy: We need to get rid of these ghosts. But how?

Hermes: Just found out something on the Spirit Box. It's connected to The Internet.

Leela: What is it?

Hermes: According to the internet, the only way to get rid of these ghosts, is to.....sing a rap song?

Bender: If it's anything by Jay Z or Eminem, I'm going into a Suicide Booth.

Hermes: No it's not. The song that needs to be sung is Sisqo's The Thong Song.

Amy: Anyone know it?

Leela (dejectedly): I do.

Bender: You listen to rap? Leela's a ghetto's mamma!

Hermes: How do you know the song?

Leela: My ex-boyfriend Sean, okay?! He's a big Sisqo fan and he even wanted to be a white rapper at one time. He used to play The Thong Song every time I picked him up for a date.......

Bender (hands Leela the Spirit Box): Take it away, one eye!

Leela reluctantly takes the microphone to the Spirit Box.

Amy: From now on, I'm going to call you, Leela-Onyce!

Hermes: Good luck, Leela!

Bender: And it goes a little something like this......hit it!

Leela (rapping): She's gotta bump in her trunk....trunk trunk.....

One by one the ghosts were dying. As Leela was rapping more of the song.

Ghosts: EEEEEEKKKK!!!!!! BLLLLAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!

Bender: I was a rapper too at one time! Maybe me and Leela can have our own album!

Leela (rapping): This thing right here Is lettin' all the ladies know What guys talk about You know, the finer things in life A heh heh heh Check it Out Ooh that dress so scandalous ...

Ghosts: MAKE IT STOP!!!!!!!!! PLEASE!!!!!! WE CAN'T STAND IT!!!!!

Leela (rapping): Let me see that Thong! Thong Thong Thong Thong Thong Thong!

Ghosts: AAAAAAHHHHHH!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!!!! THE PAIN!!!!!!!! MAKES US WANT TO.........BLLLAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

Back in New New York at the Funeral Home, Fry and Zoidberg were at Mr. Ginka's wake. To let everyone know Mr. Ginka was still in the coffin, Zoidberg was in there disguised as him.

Zoidberg: How long do I have to do this?

Fry: Until it's over!

Zoidberg: Oh Fry! You and I are a couple of Wild and Crazy Guys! We oughta be on Saturday Night Live! It's like I'm David Spade! (whispers to Fry): You're Chris Farley!

Fry: Quiet! You're supposed to be dead.

Zoidberg: It's hard to pretend to be dead. I have an itch in my foot.

Fry: Too bad! You brought this on yourself!

Zoidberg pretends to be dead. And Mr. Ginka's relatives were all gathering around and don't notice that Mr, Ginka was really Zoidberg. Then Mr. Ginka's wife comes up to Fry.

Mrs. Ginka: Excuse me, Mista.... My husband wanted to be buried in a mausoleum. In cement.

Fry (slyly smiling): That can be arranged.

Moments later, Zoidberg was buried in cement in a mausoleum. Fry was there drinking a Slurm and sitting on a lounge chair.

Zoidberg: Can I come out of this crypt now?

Fry: NO!


Scene 11 Conclusion:

Thanks to Leela singing The Thong Song, Bender calls Farnsworth from the Cloud Castle.

Bender (on vidphone): Hello, Professor? It was a great fight!

Hermes: Way to go, Leela!

Amy: You saved us from the ghosts!

Leela: It was nothing, really.

Moments later, Farnsworth arrives at the Cloud Castle on a sky taxi.

Farnsworth: So, are all the ghosts gone?

Bender: Sure are. Gone without a trace, baby!

Hermes: Leela rescued us from all from them.

Amy: Splah! She sang a rap song. Leela was kickin' it old school! She rapped so hardcore, she puts Missy Elliot and Queen Latafah to shame!

Bender: Hell yeah! She did! Leela killed Casper!

Leela: Now, now. It's not a big deal. I only know that song because of Sean. Doesn't mean I like rap.

Farnsworth: You know what, Leela? I'll give you this castle.

Leela: No, I can't accept it. It's from your brother. Can't take something that belonged to your family. So you should have it.

Farnsworth: If you say so. But what'll we do with it?

Leela: How about we have a party in it, and make this our summer home? Like a cottage. If you will.....

Bender: Great idea, Leela! LET'S GET WASTED!!!!!!

Later on, everyone at Planet Express was having a party at the Cloud Castle. Bloc Party's Octopus was playing. Even Fry was at the party.

Fry: Ahh, Leela. What up, Dawg? (chuckles) Heard what you did to those ghosts. You are one heroic girl!

Leela: Thanks Fry. You're my hero, too. Just did what needed to be done.

Fry: What is this band?

Leela: Bloc Party. It's one of my favorite bands. My true favorite music!

Fry: No more bustin' a move for you, eh? (laughs)

Leela (laughs): Never again!

Bender (swings on a rope): PART-TAY!!!!!! WWWWWOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Fry: You wouldn't believe what I went through working at that funeral home.

Amy (walks up to them): We saw! Zoidberg ate the corpses! Hope you don't work there, again.

Fry: Leela and I both agreed not to do embarrassing things again, right?

Leela: Right on!

Hermes: Glad you dealt with it yourself, Fry. Do that more often.

Leela: What happened to Zoidberg?

Bender: Who cares! Let's make this EPIC!!!! WWWWWOOOO!!!! (runs off)

Then Zoidberg comes in and he walks into the Cloud Castle party still buried in the crypt in cement at the Mausoleum.

Zoidberg: Does this answer your question!

Outside the Cloud Castle, there was a statue of Leela for her heroics. Then everyone laughs at Zoidberg's expense and has a wonderful time at the party.

The day after the party, the news wanted to interview Leela about her heroics. Leela even got some opportunities for an album, a TV show, and a clothing line. But Leela wants to reject it all.

Morbo: Good morning. Welcome to Good Day, Earth. We interview Turanga Leela, Spaceship Captain for Planet Express from New New York. who single handedly killed some ghosts in a castle.

Linda: Leela, we understand you killed the ghosts with a rap song.

Morbo: You have many opportunities awaiting you, what do you have to say?

Leela: Don't want all this stuff. I'm happy with the way my life is, being a Spaceship Captain.

Linda: You deserve these rewards. Which one would you like?

Leela: It's really no big deal, honest!

Everyone in the audience cheers for her. In the end, Leela rejects all offers and decides to remain the Spaceship Captain of Planet Express.

THE END.

Buddies