Opening Credits Scene:
Spoofing Historic Events, One Episode At A Time
Screen: A scene from a Korean War Comic Book.
One fine day at Planet Express, Leela and Bender were walking to work, and Bender is pissed.
Leela: Hey, Bender!
Bender: Did you hear on the news?
Leela: What did you hear?
Bender: There's going to be a tax law on beer for robots! I am so pissed off!
Leela: Think that's bad, what about gas prices?
Bender: That too!
Leela and Bender walked into the living room only to see Five Frys.
Bender: What the hell?
Fry Clones: Hey, Leela! Will you go out with me? Will you go out with me? Will you go out with me?
Leela: No. No. No.
Fry Clones: (sighs)
Leela: What is there five Frys?
Fry (walks in): Isn't this great?
Bender: As if one scrawny dorko isn't bad enough!
Leela: Why is there five of you, Fry?
Fry: I've been cloned!
Farnsworth: Yes he has. Thanks to my latest invention, the relative cloner! (holds vial)
Fry: I never have to work or go on missions ever again! I can do what I want!
Bender: You stole that idea from me!
Leela: Yes, and when you got cloned, you took over the whole world's water supply, and we all got drunk and ended up insulting an innocent giant!
Fry: One of my clones can go on a mission instead of me!
Farnsworth: And the clones are totally harmless!
As the week progressed, the Fry clones seemed harmless and went on missions while Fry got to do what he does best, sit around and watch TV.
Two weeks later, the five Fry clones were running amok and wrecking havoc.
Amy (running and screaming): HEEELLPP! These Fry clones are sexually harassing me! It doesn't even matter to them that I'm married to Kiff!
Farnsworth: I feared this will happen. Must figure out why my clones became violent!
The Fry Clones break up the TV, couch, the conference room, Hermes's office and Zoidberg's lab room.
Hermes: Professor! The clones are attacking me and broke up my office!
Zoidberg (screaming): I've been bitten!
Hermes: What's wrong, you slimy trailer trash?
Zoidberg (holding his injured arm): My arm hurts-a bad! And I'm going to need some medicine!
Hermes (cynically): Yeah, right, Zoidberg! Your arm really really hurts!
Fry, Bender, and Leela run into the torn down conference room
Leela: What going on here?
Bender: You told us these clones were harmless!
Farnsworth (dumps the vial of relative cloner): We can't use this anymore. It has a side effect.
Hermes: What is it?
Farnsworth: I accidentally put rat poison in it, that's why they're acting like psychopaths.
Fry: Well, psychopaths or not, I still love my clones! I say we keep them anyway.
Bender (grabs Fry by the shirt collar): Are you nuts? They're all acting like a bunch of Charlie Mansons!
Leela: We have to get rid of them, before they kill us all!
Hermes: I say we kill them!
Amy: Doesn't sound like such a bad idea!
Zoidberg: I'm in!
Farnsworth: Okay, everyone get a laser gun and......
Fry: NOOOOO!!!! Don't kill my clones! Don't shoot them! It's unfair!
Bender: What is this, Charlotte's Web all of a sudden?
Leela: Fry is obviously upset, let's just get rid of them in a more humane way.
Amy: How can we not kill them?
Bender: We'll call Jack Kevorkian's head....
Farnsworth: Better yet. Let's tranquilize them.
Just then, Farnsworth gives everyone tranquilizer guns.
Song: Blink 182's Easy Target plays.
Bender, Leela, Hermes, Amy, and Zoidberg all use the tranquilizer guns on the Fry clones. All the Fry clones got shot with darts and fell asleep. Leela was looking for Fry, and she sees him thinking it's a real Fry, and it was another clone and tries to attack her, and Bender shoots the Fry clone with the tranquilizer gun between the eyes. before it could attack Leela.
Leela: Wow! Bender! Thank you for saving me.
Bender: Now you have to sleep with me.
Leela: You watch way too much Night Court reruns.
Then everyone put the Fry clones in a wooden crate.
Fry: Be sure to drill holes in the crate so they can breathe...
Bender: Dammit Fry! I swear! You can be a Mother's Hen sometimes!
The Fry clones were loaded on the Planet Express ship, along with a crate full of white rice. Fry, Bender, and Leela were ready for a mission.
Farnsworth: For this mission, we are sending away the clones.
Leela: We'll do it Professor.
Bender: What up with the white rice?
Farnsworth: You guys will send this box of white rice and the Fry clones to a planet called Incheon.
Fry: Sounds like a peaceful planet where they can frolic and run.
Farnsworth: It's anything but. Incheon is a planet that's culture is based on the Korean War!
Bender: We're going to a war zone? Cool! To re-quote the Beatles, "If You Talk About Destruction, Don't You Know That You Can Count Me In!
Fry: There was a Korean War?
Leela: Of course there was. It was the war that came between World War 2 and Vietnam. Your father fought in it. Found that out when I checked your background after you got frozen.
Hermes: A war zone is an excellent fate for those clones!
Zoidberg: If you ask me, I hope those clones die (angerly) slow, painful, violent deaths! That's right! (Looks at the screen) Zoidberg just said that!
Chorus: ZOIDBERG JUST SAID THAT!
Leela: Come on, you guys! We haven't a moment to lose!
Fry: No! I refuse to go on this mission!
Bender: You're going and that's it!
Leela and Bender drag Fry kicking and screaming into the Planet Express ship while Fry screams in protest.
Zoidberg (looks at the internet): Wow! Look how many hits I'm getting on Twitcher for Zoidberg Just Said That!
Amy: You're never going to be hip so forget it!
Zoidberg: (sighs despondently)
The PE Ship lands on the planet Incheon. Leela and Bender unload the crate filled with the sedated Fry clones.
Leela: We need to put these Fry clones somewhere around here.
Bender: We're not going to run into that Moonie cult here, are we?
Fry: Why are my clones being banished to a war zone? Can't they be somewhere safe? They can get killed!
Leela: They were driving us nuts!
Bender: All the more reason to get rid of them! Hermes was right, what a better place than a war zone!
Fry: I hate you!
Bender: Good, maybe we'll leave you here, too!
Leela and Bender open the crate and put the Fry clones into an abandoned schoolhouse!
Fry: Hopefully my clones will get a good education and and become smart and find their way back to earth!
The Fry clones were now inside the abandoned schoolhouse and Bender bolts the door.
Fry (crying): I loved those clones.
Bender: Since this is a Korean War planet, can we go see the 4077th? Can we meet Hawkeye, Radar and Hot Lips?
Leela: That place doesn't exist, and we're not going to meet those characters just because this is a Korean War planet.
Just then, a DOOP Hovercopter flies over them and drops a bomb on the schoolhouse where the Fry clones were. A huge explosion endured.
Fry: NNNNNOOOOOO!!!!!! MY CLONES!!!!
The DOOP Hovercopter lands and out comes a black pilot named Maples.
Maples: Excuse me, but what did I just bomb?
Bender: A schoolhouse, dude! You sure did the kids here a huge favor!
Maples: I blew up kids?
Leela: No, more like clones!
Fry: Yes, my clones!
Maples (distrought): Oh, no! Oh, no! (sobs) Those poor little clones! (sobs) Those poor little clones! (Slams his fist on his hovercopter) THOSE POOR LITTLE CLONES!
Fry (joins in): MY POOR LITTLE CLONES! MY POOR LITTLE CLONES!
Explosions and gun shots are heard as Bender, Leela, Fry, and Maples walk around the war torn planet.
Leela: So, Maples, what brings you to Incheon?
Maples: Zapp Branigan sent me. He wants me to get the Holy Grail for him.
Bender: Holy Grail, eh? If Zapp wants world domination, he's got some competition!
Maples: You guys know him?
Once Maples asked about it, Fry sees this as an opportunity to lash out about his clones.
Fry: I know how she knows him, she.....
Leela (grabs Fry by the wrist): Don't even think about saying it! You need to zip it, and lock it, and put it in your pocket!
Bender: Yeah, Fry! (singing): When a problem comes along, you must zip it! (laughs)
Maples (laughs): You guys are funny! Why are you people here?
Bender (opens his compartment): We have to deliver this rice to the soldiers.
Maples: I know a place you can deliver it.
Fry: Really? Where?
Maples: There's a restaurant around here that feeds the troops. I'll take you there.
Fry: Wish my clones were still alive!
Leela: Well, Fry, deliver this rice, so you can honor them.
Bender: That's the stupidest thing I ever heard!
Maples leads Leela, Fry, and Bender to The Pork Chop Grill restaurant.
Bender (hands Fry the box of rice): Go in there and deliver it!
Fry: (grabbing the box and it falls out of his arms): Can't carry it.
Bender: Don't mind him, he's scrawny. He lacks strength because of it!
Maples: I understand.
Bender (to Fry): Then, drag it!
Fry: Okay. (dragging the box) This is for you, clones!
Leela: Break a leg, Fry!
Once Fry enters the restaurant, some Korean Solders look at him.
Fry: What up, Loyal Solider Peeps? I have some rice here that you're all going to......
Just then, a loud gunshot is heard, and the Korean Soldiers shoot Fry. He is not dead, but badly wounded, and Fry falls over backwards.
Maples: (screams in terror that goes prolonged)
Leela (angerly): What the *beep* just happened?!
Korean Solider #1: What did you do?
Korean Solider #2: Enemy agent! Had to shoot him!
Bender: Well that pretty much answers your question, Eye-Stein!
Bender, Leela, Maples carry a wounded Fry away from the restaurant.
Leela: Fry is still alive, but barely!
Bender: So, that's what happens to skinny people when they get shot! His spine is nearly broke and his appendix is showing! (points to a wound) Check out that exit wound!
Maples: This is an opportunity to get the Holy Grail!
Leela: Good idea, Maples. Do you know where it is?
Maples: We'll need to go to my hovercopter to get to a cave where it's in.
Bender: Once we get it, can I have it so I can pawn it and use the money to make my own casino/whorehouse?
They all go walk back to Maples's hovercopter, and are stopped by two Korean Soldiers. Their names are Pai and Gao Tong.
Pai: Excuse me, did you say you get Holy Grail?
Leela: Yes we are. Why do you ask?
Gao Tong: We know where it is, come follow us.
Bender: Why do I get the feeling we shouldn't trust these morons.
They all follow Pai and Gao Tong, and they lead them to a mud pile and a cave.
Pao: You go across mud pile.
Gao Tong: Leads to cave!
They do so, and they all get caught in the mud.
Leela: You were right, Bender! (struggles in mud) We shouldn't have trusted them.
Maples (screams in terror): Help! Help! We're stuck!
Bender: Son of a.....
Fry: (moans in pain)
Pao (laughs hysterically): We geet Holy Grail now!
Gao Tong: Have fun drown in mud, because we are......
Pao and Gao Tong (together): Pao and Gao Tong, and we are Two Wild and Crazy Koreans! (run away laughing.)
Leela: Oh, Lord! Fry is barely clinging to life and we're stuck in this mud pile!
Bender: Not if I could help it.
Then Bender drinks some beer from his compartment and spits it out and frees Leela, himself, and Maples from the mud. And then Bender extends his arm onto a tree and carries Fry, Leela, and Maples away from the mud, then they see a cave.
Maples: Look a cave!
They all run for the cave and it was a fake wall.
Leela: Did we just have a Wile E. Coyote moment?
Maples: Let's go back to my hovercopter! The real cave is miles from here.
A hovercopter flies over them and Pai and Gao Tong are flying it and laughing at them.
Pai: We geet it before you!
Gao Tong: Try geet us!
Bender: C'mon let's follow them and kick their asses! How I'd like to get my hands on that Cow Tongue!
Gao Tong (calling out): IT'S GAO TONG!
Maples: That's exactly what we're going to do!
Leela, Bender, Maples, and Fry all go inside Maples's hovercopter and chase Pai and Gao Tong to the real cave.
They are all inside Maples's hovercopter, and chase after Pai and Gao Tong. Once they catch up Pai and Gao Tong start shooting at them. Bender and Leela find laser guns. Fry is laying around horribly wounded from the laser shot he endured.
Pai (Calling out): We were the ones who set that mud trap! And fake cave!
Leela (calling out): Kind of figured that!
Gao Tong (calling out): Now we shoot you down!
Bender: Yeah, well you can bite my shiny metal ass, Cow Dung!
Gao Tong (screaming): IT'S GAO TONG!
Maples: Damn! They crazy!
Leela: Hang on, Fry! We'll get the cure for you. C'mon, Bender! (holds laser gun and starts shooting)
Bender (shoots at Pai and Gao Tong's hovercopter): You die, Bazooka Joe!
Song: Sonic Youth's Chapel Hill plays.
Bender and Leela continue to shoot at their hovercopter, and Pai and Gao Tong do the same. It goes on back and forth until they reach the cave.
Pai: Everytime I shoot, I pretend I'm shooting at Alan Alda and Jamie Farr!
Gao Tong: Yeah! Take that, wisecracking surgeon!
After a while, both hovercopters are shot down. Once the hovercopters crash, no one was hurt or injured. They all get out of their hovercopters and now are all at the scene of the cave.
Pai and Gao Tong (running into cave): Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah! We get here before you!
Leela: Maybe those morons are Mom's long lost sons!
Bender: You might be spot on about that! Maybe Mom had an affair with Kim Jong Ill! (laughs).
Maples: Got an idea. You guys go get the Holy Grail, and I'll stay here with your friend.
Leela: We'll do it.
Bender and Leela chase Pai and Gao Tong into the cave.
Scene 9 Conclusion:
Outside the cave, Maples watches over the wounded Fry.
Fry: (moans in pain)
Maples: Don't worry, little man. Your friends will get the Holy Grail and cure you.
Inside the cave, Leela and Bender discover it's dark and the cave door closes on them.
Bender: Great! What can be worse?
Leela: To be realistic, we'll never find Pai and Gao Tong in this darkness.
Just then, The Cardigan's Lovefool plays at a deafening volume!
Bender (screaming): The most overrated song of 1996!
Leela (screaming): I hate soft rock! Get some light in here!
Bender: Have no fear eyeball girl! You are dealing with the Bend and Decker flashlight! (Bender's eyes and mouth light up.)
Leela: Wow, didn't know you can do that! Let's go get those Koreans and the Holy Grail and cure Fry! Seriously? Bend and Decker? You're such an egotist!
Bender: Proud of it!
Then Bender uses laser pointer at the speakers and the song fades away and sounds like it's dying.
Leela and Bender run around the cave and they see Gao Tong, and it looks like he's walking on air.
Bender: There's one of them now!
Leela: How can he walk on air like that?
Bender: It's an invisible bridge! Let's go!
Leela and Bender chase Gao Tong ove the invisible bridge, and is about to catch up to him.
Bender (singing): Believe it or not, I'm walking on air......
Leela: Enough of the bad music! We need to think about Fry!
Bender: Fine! (mumbles angerly): Think about Fry!
After a while, they catch up to Gao Tong.
Bender: Hold it right there, Cow Dung!
Gao Tong: You never get me, you cyclops and robot! And for the last time it's......
Leela (throws a garbage can): Oh, shut up!
The garbage can lands on Gao Tung's head and Leela and Bender come and apprehend him.
Bender: Good job! For a cyclops you're not so bad!
Leela: He can tell us where the Holy Grail is!
Bender: Where's the Holy Grail!
Gao Tong: I never tell!
Bender (gets some sticks): Hey, Leela. Did you know Gene Krupa is the best drummer of all time?
Leela: You listen to Big Bands? Puh-leese! Lee Ronaldo from Sonic Youth is the best drummer of all time!
Bender: No, he isn't! Because Gene Krupa plays like this! (bangs the garbage can on Gao Tong's head)
Gao Tong: AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! You never break me!
Leela: That's nothing! (takes the sticks) This is how Lee Ronaldo plays! (bangs the garbage can on Gao Tong's head)
Gao Tong: AAAAAAAHHHHHHHH! Please no! No! No! I'll tell!
Leela: You better tell! Our friend's life is at stake, one of your solider friends shot him and thought he was a spy!
Gao Tong: OKay, it's on the left side of the end of the cave!
Bender: Sure about that?
Gao Tong: Yes!
Leela: Thank you! Now we don't need you anymore! Hee-ya! (karate kicks Gao Tong)
Bender (punches Gao Tong): Buddha Bless You *beep*
They both throw Gao Tong into a pit and go to the left side of the cave and find a bunch of cups and a bowl of Holy Water. Pai was there.
Pai: Ha! Ha! Told you so!
They see Pai was holding a cup that wasn't the Holy Grail.
Pai: Got Holy Grail before you!
Bender and Leela decide to play along, they knew that's not the Holy Grail.
Leela: You know what? You win. You keep it.
Bender: It's all yours pal! We lost! We must admit defeat.
Pai (fulls cup with Holy Water): Yes! Finally! Shall be immortal and have eternal life!
Just then Pai drinks the Holy Water and slowly starts to rot.
Pai (screams): What's happening to me?!?!?!?!
Leela and Bender watch as Pai rots away into a skeleton and turns into dust.
Bender (in an old man's voice): He has chose poorly! (laughs and resumes normal voice).
Leela: Which one is it, do you know?
Bender (picks the real Holy Grail): This one!
Leela fills the Holy Grail with Holy Water.
Bender (in an old man's voice): We have chose wisely! (drinks a little) Now I'm immortal! (laughs)
Leela: Save some of that for Fry!
Bender and Leela leave the room and the cave starts to collapse, they cross the invisible bridge again, and Bender uses his laser pointer to shoot at the blocked enterance to the cave. They see Maples!
Maples: You made it! Better do it soon! He doesn't have much time!
Bender pours the Holy Water on Fry's wounds and slowly starts to heal.
Leela: It's working! Keep pouring it!
Fry starts to feel better and he's back to his old self.
Fry (breathes fastly): Leela! Bender! You saved me from the brink of death once again! Whatever would I do without you?
Leela (hugs Fry): Oh, Fry! I'm so happy you're okay!
Bender: Okay, enough of the tearful reunion! (hands Maples the Holy Grail) Got what you came here for.
Maples: Thanks man. You know what? Screw Zapp Branigan!
Leela: You can say that again!
Maples: I'm taking this to a museum! I'll tell Zapp I never found it and it was all a hoax!
Bender: Lying! The first step towards defiance!
Maples: Thank you guys. I'll never forget you! Hope we meet again someday!
Leela: And thank you for helping us!
Fry: This was the worst mission ever! My clones are dead, (sobs) I got shot. I'm going to need super intense therapy!
Bender: We'll send you to Dr. Drew!
Maples (laughs): Good bye guys! This Holy Grail's going to the Smithsonian! Luckily for me, no damage has been done to my hovercopter! Goodbye!
Bender: Hope you don't run into Ben Stiller!
And with that, Maples flies away into the sunset. Fry, Bender, and Leela walk back to the Planet Express ship. Fry puts a flower at the schoolhouse where his clones were blown up.
Fry: This is for you, clones! Hope I'll see you in clone heaven one day! (cries)
Bender: Your clones are dead! get over it! (drags Fry into the ship)
Leela: Let's all go home, and give Fry some time to grieve!
Bender: And remind the Professor never to clone him again!
The Planet Express ship takes off for Earth. Emering from the rubble, there was an evil Fry clone.
Evil Fry Clone (in a high pithced voice): I'll see you again, Turanga Leela! When you least expect it! (laughes evilly and head starts spinning) Blah, blah, blah, bloo, blee, bloo, blah.....
Then a Korean Solider shoots the Evil Fry Clone. The same ones from the Pork Chop Grill.
Korean Solider #1: What did you do?
Korean Solider #2: Enemy agent! Had to shoot him!
The Planet Express Crew will never endure Fry clones ever again.