Adventures of B.R. And The Nibb
By Trenton Sands
Opening Credits Scene:
None of James Joyce's Moo Cows Were Harmed During The Making Of This Episode
Screen: A Dukes of Hazzard Cartoon
Bender is in a room full of bookcases and books. Bender is dressed in a red robe,smoking a pipe, and sitting on a throne!
Bender: Good evening! Submitted for your approval! If you're expecting Alfred Hitchcock or Rod Serling, I suggest you change the channel. Welcome to Benderpiece Theater! If you're wondering where the others are, they're all in the hospital. We were on this mission and we hit a meteor shower and everyone was attacked by space zombies! I, Bender was the only one unharmed! And everyone else endured a lot of broken bones! (laughs) So I'm in charge for the day! We all had a debate once about what TV Show from the 1970's we should spoof. We thought, Welcome Back Kotter, then it was One Day At a Time, Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley (scoffs) can you imagine Leela and Amy being them? Fantasy Island, CHiPS, Hawaii Five-0, Three's Company, The Rockford Files, Kojak, Barney Miller, and The Streets Of San Francisco. We all said no to those, until we saw the perfect one! This show has a truck driver, a chimpanzee, a corrupt sheriff, and two bumbling deputy policemen! The actor that played the truck driver went on to do a lame show called My Two Dads. I'll stop drinking until I'm in a sober stupor if we spoof that! Anyway, this show lasted three years and it had it's own spin off. It was like the Car 54 Where Are You of the 1970's! This show we're about to do is none other than B.J. And The Bear! I of course, am going to be B.J., Nibbler will be The Bear. Zapp Branigan will be Sheriff Lobo and Fry and Zoidberg will be Perkins and Birdy. Oh, and if you're looking for Leela, Amy, Farnsworth, and Hermes to be in this, don't bother! They are not in this episode! Forgot to mention, Claude Aikens played Sheriff Lobo in this show as well. There was a female trucker in this show, but we will not be using her. Before we begin just want to say the names have been changed to protect the idiots! Now, for your viewing pleasure, Futurama will spoof, B.J. and the Bear! Roll Film!
A vacant road is shown in the backwoods of Georgia. And a street sign that says Ely County City Limits. A caption reads, "Georgia: Sometime In the Early 80's. So Let's Say................1981!" Bender's name is B.R. McKay, Zapp is Sheriff Zappbo. Fry is called Frykins, Zoidberg is called Zoibdy. B.R. is driving and The Nibb is in the passenger seat.
B.R.: I hate 1981! The technology here is so primitive! And the beer here is cheap!
Nibb: Our only means of communicating is that CB Radio.
B.R.: Have you seen that new channel MTV yet?
Nibb: Don't believe I have.
B.R.: We have to deliver these alcoholic goods to that liquor store in Valdosta!
Nibb: I suggest you be careful, Sheriff Zappbo is always on your tail! He won't stop until he nails you!
B.R.: Yeah, I'm well aware of that! This time I'll outsmart him like I always do!
Nibb: One day you might not be so lucky!
B.R. continued to drive the semi truck down the road into the highway. Meanwhile, in a police station in a sherriff's ofice there was the nortorious Sheriff Zappbo. Who was looking at himself in a mirror. He was wearing a black vest with a Georgia State Sheriff Uniform.
Zappbo: Always known I look like Claude Aikens! (presses intercom): Kiff! Send in my recruits!
Kiff (over intercom and sighs): Right away, sir.
In another room at the station, there were two deputies. Who also were wearing Georgia State Police uniforms. There names awere Frykins and Zoibdy. They were playing Ping Pong.
Zoibdy: Ha! I beat you again, Frykins!
Frykins: You beat me at everything! From Pac Man, Space Invaders, Donkey Kong, to Ping Pong! You're such an expert!
Zoibdy: Hooray! Zoibdy's an expert! Also, I'm Zappbo's favorite!
Kiff (over intercom): Frykins! Zoibdy! Sheriff Zappbo wants to see you both, now!
Frykins (tries to run): Nuh uh! I'm Zappbo's favorite! He lets me work night shift as a secruity guard! Sleep is for wimps!!
Zoibdy (outruns Frykins): That's because he doesn't have to look at your ugly face! All you do in night shift is sleep in his office in your underwear!
Frykins tries to catch up to Zoibdy who reports to Zappbo's office first.
Zoibdy (salutes and enters office): Reporting for duty! Your favorite deputy! John Zoibdy sir!
Frykins (enters office): This is Deputy Phillip J. Frykins! I await your orders, sir! Your real favorite!
Zappbo: Enough! Neither of you are my favorite! Ever since I hired you goons it's been getting harder for me to catch B.R. Anyway, I got some word that B.R. is delivering some alcholic goods. And that a gang is going to rob the liquor store where's he's supposed to delivery the alcohol!
Zoibdy: Should we arrest this gang?
Zappbo: No, you will both team up with this gang and follow B.R. Then when B.R. isn't looking, all of you will both plant cocaine and heroin in his truck. First ask this gang if they want to help you. Then B.R. will be brought to justice.
Zoibdy: How I'd love to get my hands on that B.R.
Zappbo: Then I will come in and arrest him for drug possesion!
Frykins: He'll be in prison for a long time.
Zoibdy: Where is this liquor store?
Zappbo: It's in the vincinity between the Georgia/Florida boarder. B.R. should be coming there!
Frykins: Aye! Aye! Sheriff!
Zoibdy and Frykins leave to go on the mission.
Zappbo: Just a reminder you jokers. If you fail, you both get a cap in your ass!
At the liquor store in Valdosta, Walt, Larry, Ignar, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps are destroying the place with a tank. Elsewhere, Frykins and Zoibdy are following B.R. in his semi. Frykins was driving.
Frykins: Awesome! I feel like a spaceship captain! (speaking into CB Radio) This is your captain speaking.......(laughs)
Zoibdy: Want to play some mood music!
Frykins: Turn on the Country Station!
Zoibdy turns on the radio to the Country Station and the theme to Rawhide plays.
Frykins: I love this song!
Zoibdy: I do too! Let's sing along to it!
Frykins and Zoibdy (together): Rolling! Rolling! Rolling! Rolling Rolling! Rolling........
Zappbo (over police radio): FRYKINS! Stop screwing around and go get B.R.!
Frykins (into speaker): Right away, boss!
Just then Zoibdy sees a truck filled with a bale of hay beside them about to crash into them. Frykins doesn't see it.
Zoibdy: Look out, Frykins!
Frykins: I don't see anything!
Zoibdy: Look on the side, it's a hay truck!
Frykins: What are you......(sees the hay truck): AAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!
The hay truck swerves into Frykins's cop car and tips over and a bunch of hay was now stuck on their windshield.
Frykins: AAAAHHHH!! I can't get this hay off!
Zoibdy: Try the windshield wipers!
Then Frykins kept driving recklessly down the road and the windshield wipers malfunctioned on him. They both scream and ran over a rock. Then their police car flipped over into the air, then it crashes into a barn house into a chicken coop. They were both full of eggs. And chickens were going crazy all over them.
Zoibdy (coughs): I told you to look! But did you listen? (sarcsatically) No!
Frykins: We should've used ANCO Windshield Wipers!
Zappbo (over police radio): FRYKINS!!!!!
Meanwhile in the semi truck, B.R. continues his mission. Elsewhere, Zappbo went to the liquor store and teamed up with the gang.
Zappbo: Excuse me gang, would you like to help me track down a criminal?
The Gang looks at him suspicious. B.R. continues to drive.
B.R.: I love being a trucker, Nibb! It's a free life, you get to live by your own rules!
Nibb: You've always been a free spirited rebel. That's why Zappbo hates you so much!
B.R.: Look there's a truck stop. Let's stop here for a minute!
Nibb: If you say so. It's on the way to that liquor store in Valdosta.
B.R. and Nibb stopped their truck and went inside the truck stop. Frykins and Zoibdy finally caught up to B.R. as did Sheriff Zappbo who now had the gang in his car. Then Zappbo comes out of the car with the gang in tow.
Zappbo: Here's some cocaine I confiscated. So, flunkies! Guess I can't trust you to do anything right! I had to get this gang myself! And they don't believe me!
Zoibdy: Is that the gang you want to join us?
Zappbo: Exactly. They can help us unload the alcohol, and plant these drugs. Frykins, you convince them we're on their side. Failure is not an option!
Frykins: Okey Dokey Boss! (walks up to the gang): We're not here to arrest you. We're corrupt cops. We want to you help us!
Walt: What's in it for us?
Larry: You guys are cops!
Donbot: Why would we want to help you.
Frykins: Because this criminal we want to catch is worse than you guys!
Zoibdy: Indeed he is! He's a fugitive! We've been after him for years! He's on the 10 Most Wanted List!
Ignar: What should we do?
Clamps: If you want I can Clamp him!
Zappbo: All we need you to do is unload this alcohol and replace it with drugs!
Joey Mousepad: Okay, we'll do it! We like corrupt cops! And framing people for things they didn't do!
Zappbo, Zoibdy, Frykins, and the gang all unloaded the alochol and replaced it with drugs. B.R. was totally unaware what was happening as he was in the truck stop.
Inside the truck stop, B.R. tells a bunch of naysayer truckers he could drink a whole keg. Unbeknownst to B.R. he was being framed. Zappbo, his goons, and the gang all left after putting drugs in B.R.'s truck.
Sal: Nah! Robots like youses can't hold their liquor!
B.R.: Oh, yes I can! Could hold it better than you backwater hicks!
Sal: Okayses, proves it! Show my trucker friends here how it's done! (hands B.R. a keg).
Nibb: It's true. B.R. can outdrink any.....
Bartenderbot: Shut up, creature! We don't take kindly to your folk around here!
B.R. was drinking the keg of beer and was surrounded by redneck truckers who were all either human, robots, or blobs.
Everybody: CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!
Nibb: Come on, B.R.! You can do it!
B.R. finished chugging the beer keg and everyone cheered as he burped fire.
Everybody (chanting): Yay! Yay! BR! BR! BR!
Sal: Okayese, enoughes! Let's see how good you are at pool!
B.R. (takes pool cube): Don't mind if I do! 8 Ball! Corner Pocket!
Sal and B.R. both shoot some pool, but B.R. hits the 8 Ball at all the other balls Sal set up! The 8 Ball is on the verge of falling into a corner pocket. Everyone was eagerly awaiting!
Nibb: Feel like I'm in a George Thorogood video!
B.R. released some ash from his cigar and the 8 Ball fell into the pocket. The whole truck stop erupted in cheers.
Everyone: Yay! Yay! BR! BR! He's out bot! If he can't do it, we'll get shot! Hooray!
B.R.: Thank you, thank you! (walking out) I'll be here all week! You all owe me some hooker bots! I need to make a delivery now! Later losers! C'mon Nibb!
Sal: We're gonna miss yous! Goodbyeses!
B.R. and his trusty pet Nibb went back into their semi- truck. The CB Radio went on. It was really Zappbo's voice in disguise. B.R. drives down the highway under a bridge as he answers it.
Zappbo (disguised voice): Breaker! Breaker! Come in, B.R.!
B.R.: This is B.R.'s Discount Auto Company! We flim 'em! We flam 'em!
Zappbo: There's been a slight change of plans. A gang destroyed that liquor store you were going to deliver that alcohol to.
B.R.: It did?
Zappbo: Yes, now we want you to drive to Savannah and deliver the alcohol to a grocery store.
B.R.: Okay, I'm going to Savannah now! Over and out!
Zappbo: Roger copy! Over and out!
Nibb: I don't trust this one bit.
B.R.: You think I'm being set up?
Nibb: Of course! It's a trap!
B.R. Nobody sets up B.R. McKay!
Nibb: I know you've always had an invincibility complex about yourself. this time you might not be so lucky!
B.R.: Nah, I don't believe it. After I make this delivery, I'm getting the hell out of Jimmy Carter country!
Nibb: Just a warning, look all around. There's wanted posters of you, everywhere!
As B.R. drives his semi down the highway to Savannah, he sees a bunch of Wanted Posters with B.R.'s face on them.
B.R. Nah! He's bluffing!
Farther away, Sheriff Zappbo is driving his police van to the grocery store hoping to meet B.R. there. In his van were Zoibdy, Walt, Larry, Ingar, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps. Frykins was driving a tank.
Zappbo (laughs evilly): B.R.'s in for a huge surprise! Tonight, the lights are going to go out in Georgia!
Zoibdy: A night we'll frame an innocent man! B.R. McKay! (laughs)
Zappbo: Somehow, I shouldn't have trusted Frykins with that tank.
Far behind them, Frykins is driving the tank.
Frykins: Woooooo! Yay! I feel so powerful! I'm going to make B.R. crap himself! (sing-songy): I'm-a gonna get you B.R.! And your little Nibb, too! (laughing maniacally).
B.R. continued to drive his semi, until he hears a bunch of shells hit his truck that sounded like rocks.
Nibb: Oh, my gosh! B.R.! That could be Zappbo right now!
B.R.: Go check!
Song: The Chantays Pipeline plays.
Nibb looks out the rear view and it's Frykins shooting at B.R. with the tank.
B.R.: Who's hitting my truck?
Nibb: It's one of Zappbo's flunkies! Frykins!
B.R.: Frykins! That scrawny idiot! I hate Zappbo's flunkies more than I hate him!
Nibb: Apparently, he's in a tank. I'll eat his ammo!
Everytime Frykins shot shells from the tank barrel, Nibb ate them.
Frykins (singing to the tune of Centerfold): I'm gonna get B.R.! I'm gonna shoot his truck in the gas tank!
B.R.: Good work, Nibb! Keep eating those weapons.
Frykins: Once I get B.R., Zappbo will give me a promotion. (shoots the semi again): Time for some heavy artiliery!
The Nibb kept eating the ammunition. Then B.R. thought up of a plan.
B.R.: We're going to have to outrun him.
Nibb: It's obvious he's not going to give up.
Frykins (over megaphone): Surrender B.R.! You're under arrest for drug posession! Slowly step out of the vehicle!
B.R.: Now's the time to put my plan into action!
Frykins: Dammit! What keeps happening to my ammo? Why doesn't hit the truck?
Nibb: I hope we lose this bumbling moron. (eats more shells)
B.R. reaches for the clutch and puts the semi into 8th gear and presses down on the throttle.
Nibb: Hope you know what you're doing!
B.R.: To quote my favorite Ron Howard movie. "B.R. McKay pops the clutch, and tells Frykins to eat his dust!"
Then B.R.'s semi speeds up super fast and the back pipe releases a bunch of black smoke and leaves a trial of dust and smoke in Frykins's path. B.R. outran Frykins tank.
Frykins: NNNOOO!!!!! I wanted to get B.R. so I can work night shift more often! (cries) Now I'll never be his favorite deputy!
Nibb (laughs): That was so awesome what you did.
Frykins's tank starts spinning in circles until it hits a YMCA and crashes into a ladies locker room.
Women: (screaming and running away)
Frykins (Comes out of the tank); Is this the grocery store.
Then Frykins realizes he's in a woman's locker room!
Frykins (takes out camcorder): Jackpot! Even better! This is going on cable TV!
A woman sees Frykins filming and slaps him. Frykins screams in pain and gets back into the tank.
Frykins (cries): Back to the drawing board!
B.R. And The Nibb have finally reached Savannah.
Nibb: All we need to do is find this grocery story. (looks all around the city). Geez, this place is stick in the 1800s!
B.R.: Wonder what Frykins was like when I smoked him?
Nibb: Hope he had a hard time!
B.R.: Frykins and Zoibdy are like Abbott and Costello on crack!
Nibb: You mean that drug that was popular in Studio 57?
B.R.: Exactly. (sees grocery store ahead): Look! There's the grocery store.
And with that, B.R. and Nibb reached the grocery store. Little did they know it was a trap. Sheriff Zappbo, Zoibdy, and the gang were all laying in wait.
Nibb: What movie did you get that line from?
B.R.: Grand Theft Auto. It inspired me to become a trucker.
Nibb: Who knows? Maybe 25 years from now they'll be a video game about that.
B.R.: C'mon Nibb! Enough chit chat! (plays accordian) Let's unload already!
They both got out of the semi and opened the back. Scruffy meets them with a roller.
Scruffy: Are you here for the delivery?
B.R.: Yes, indeed. Have a lot of alcohol here.
Scruffy (opens the boxes): Is this your idea of a joke?
B.R.: What are you talking about. It's alcohol. Isn't it? I was assigned to bring it here.
Scruffy: This is cocaine and heroin.
B.R.: Cocaine!? Like the Eric Clapton song?
Scruffy: Second (walks away)
B.R. and Nibb walk into the grocery store.
Nibb: I told you this was a set up.
B.R. Great. My alcohol was replaced with drugs. What could be worse?
Scruffy: I'm calling the police on you.
Zappbo (comes out of hiding): They're already here.
B.R.: YOU! Should've known you were behind this!
Sheriff Zappbo, Zoibdy, Walt, Larry, Ignar, Donbot, Joey Mousepad, and Clamps all have B.R. and Nibb surrounded.
Zappbo: Hope you like rock piles! Because that's where you're going to spend the next 20 years! Oh, and I teamed up with this gang to help me catch you.
Zoibdy: What are you going to do with your life when you send B.R. to prison?
Zappbo: Shut up, flunkie! Maybe have my own spin-off or something.
Walt: You're beaten B.R.! Surrender now.
Larry: We're sending that pet of yours to the zoo.
Ignar: You'll both be in prison.
Larry and Ingar laugh and Walt slaps them.
Donbot: I say we shoot him in the ass!
Joey Mousepad: No, between the eyes.
Clamps: How about we give them The CLAMPS!!!
Zappbo: Negative Nancy! B.R. McKay, you're under arrest for drug possesion.
B.R. You set this up. I'm going to expose you for the corrupt cop you really are.
Everyone working in the grocery store was watching.
B.R.: You are a very incompetant police Sheriff, Zappbo! All you do is prey on innocent people you hate. And you Zoibdy, you and Frykins are nothing but wimps who need a big voice to tell them what to do. I actually feel sorry for you.
Zoibdy: Hooray! Someone feels bad for Zoibdy! (points gun): And double hooray for helping bring you down.
Zappbo: If there's one thing in this world I hate it's non-conformists. And that's exactly what you are. Tale him....
Right when Zappbo was about to arrest B.R., a tank crashed into the grocery store. Everyone who worked and shopped there screamed and ran away. Everyone else remained. The gun of the tank was aimed at B.R. and out comes Frykins, who is standing on the tank.
Frykins: Sorry I'm late, boss. Did I miss anything? Just say the word and I'll blow B.R. into smithereens!
Zappbo (angerly): FRYKINS!!!!!!
The Nibb found the alcohol B.R. was supposed to deliver in the tank. Frykins jumped off. B.R. beat up the gang and Nibb helped him.
B.R. (shooting a gun at Zappbo): I shot the sheriff! (chases after Frykins and Zoibdy) And now I'll beat up the deputies!
Zoibdy: You can't beat us up! We're cops!
Frykins: Help! We're about to expirence assault with a deadly weapon!
B.R. beats up Frykins and Zoibdy. Nibb put the stolen alcohol back in B.R.'s truck. Nibb also threw a beer bottle at Frykins, which landed on his head.
Nibb: I put the alcohol back in your semi.
B.R.: Thanks Nibb. (walks up to the beaten Frykins and Zoibdy) Another victory for me, B.R.! The three of you can all bite my shiny metal rear end! (laughs and walks away.)
Zappbo only got scraped by the bullet B.R. shot him with. Zappbo was boiling mad. Frykins and Zoibdy get up after being beaten.
Zoibdy: Sorry we didn't get B.R. (laughs nervously)
Frykins: Looks like we failed you again. Maybe you can go easy on us? (wringing his hands) After all, I am your son in law....
Zappbo (gets up and points a gun at Frykins): You morons! You idiots! You both failed me for the last time!
Frykins and Zoibdy scream as they run into a dusty vacant lot. Zappbo shoots at them. They both get shot in the buttocks and scream in pain. Then they fall on to the ground and drug their buttocks to try to relieve the pain.
Zoibdy: Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! He wasn't kidding about that!
Zappbo: I'll get that B.R. if it's the last thing I do!
B.R. and The Nibb both drove away and were leaving Georgia.
Nibb: Well you did want to leave Georgia. What are you going to do now?
B.R.: I decided to keep this alcohol for myself. For now, I'm headed for L.A.!
Nibb: Sounds like a good plan. What are you going to do there?
B.R. Open my own trucker business there. Never have to deal with Zappbo and his goons again.
Nibb and B.R. laugh as they drive down the street.
Scene 9 Conclusion:
It shows Bender turning off a projector. He's still in the room full of bookcases and books sitting on a throne.
Bender: And there you have it. That was our B.J. And The Bear parody! Wasn't it a cool twist how I was the good guy, and Fry and Zoidbutt were lackies to the villain? Maybe next we'll do Happy Days or Fantasy Island. I can be Mr. Rourke and have a midget servant that keeps shouting "Da Plane! Da Plane"! (laughs) Wouldn't you love to see Fry do that? And so this concludes our episode. But don't worry, chumps and chumpettes, Futurama will still have more fun and adventures in the years to come! Hope you all are enjoying our new season this summer, and don't forget about our comic book escapades as well. I have really enjoyed our time together. It's getting harder and harder to enjoy the finer things in life. Coming up next, is whatever it is, Comedy Central is limping to the barn with. Until next time......Ta Ta!
Closing Credits and the Theme from B.J. And The Bear plays.