The Time of the Great Giving, Part 4
By Dwayne Anderson
Back at Planet Express, Kif and Amy finished adding the decorations to the
"There," said Kif. "I finished putting on an Xmas message. How do you like
Amy read the message on the cake, written in candy letters.
"Kif, it says `Sleep In Heavenly Pee."
"Well there were no A's or C's."
"No problem, I'll fix it," said Amy.
Using a butter knife, Amy carved an A and a C.
"There!" she said. "Now it reads `Sleep In Heavenly Peace'".
"If you hadn't added those two letters," said Kif, "I'm sure that nobody
would want a piece."
Meanwhile, in the Ice Palace on Yuletide's moon, the frozen statues of Fry,
Leela, Louis, and
Bender stood in the throne room. Everything in the room, along with the rest
of the palace, columns, pillars, tapestries, walls, floors, and ceilings,
was made of solid crystal ice.
Mystic energy flowed through the statues, melting the ice, freeing the four
"What the hell happened?" said Bender. "One minute I'm running, and the next
thing I know... come to think of it, I don't know what the next thing was
Suddenly, everyone heard a voice that chilled them to the bone.
"I bid you welcome, to my palace of eternal ice!"
Fry, Leela, Louis, and Bender gazed forth.
Seated upon the crystal ice throne, was a woman, dressed in a blue and
purple royal robe, wearing a blue crown upon her head. Her flesh was made
entirely of solid crystal ice.
"It's her," said Louis, "the Snow Queen!"
"I bet she was the one who unleashed that monster upon us!" said Fry.
"Look here you frozen hag!" said Leela. "I know you hate the holiday and the
people of Yuletide, but there's no reason to take it out upon the holiday!"
"Silence your tongue!" the Snow Queen said as she rose from her throne. "Or
else you'll end like his unfortunate girl here."
Standing near the throne, was a statue of a beautiful maiden made entirely
of crystal ice.
"Cecilia!" cried Louis.
"Is that her name?" asked the Snow Queen. She laughed. "Don't worry. You're
about to join her!"
With a forward thrust of her left hand, the Snow Queen summoned a spike of
crystalized ice which flew at Louis. The moment it struck him, he was
transmogrified into solid ice.
"Perfect!" she said. "Now I have an extra decoration of ice for my palace!
On second thought, make that four!"
"Uh oh," said Fry. "That doesn't sound good!"
"No one shall restore the Christmas holiday of Yuletide!" the Snow Queen
said. "I swear it!"
"Bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender said.
"I'd rather freeze it!" the Snow Queen laughed. And she blew out a freezing
wind. Before Bender could react, he was frozen in solid ice.
"Not...again!" he managed to mouth.
"Two down, two to go," the Snow Queen said with a chuckle.
"Uh oh," said Fry. "This could be bad."
"And Madame Winter can't help us at all!"
"My sister can't save you now!" the Snow Queen laughed. "Now, join your
friends in their eternal frozen prison!"
Thrusting her hands downwards, she summoned a liquid-like substance that
froze instantly, racing towards where Fry and Leela stood.
Before Fry could react, he was frozen to the floor. Leela however leaped
forth, performed a cartwheel, and delivered a roundhouse kick to the Snow
But just as Leela's boot was about to hit, the Snow Queen blew out an icy
wind. The moment Leela's boot struck it's target, she was frozen solid.
The Snow Queen stepped away, pulled out a mirror and looked at her face. On
the side of her face, were a few tiny cracks.
"What's this?!" she cried. "My beautiful face is ruined! This is so
"Sheesh," said Fry. "And I thought Amy was vain!"
The Snow Queen replaced the mirror back into her robe.
"Well, there's only you now," she said. "And you're immobile!"
Fry soon realized that she was right.
With an evil smile, the Snow Queen stepped forth towards him. "With you out
of the way," she said,
"there will be no one left to oppose me!"
"Wait stop!" Fry cried. "Before you freeze me, hear me out! You think you've
destroyed the Christmas spirit of the people of Yuletide, but you haven't!
Christmas is about being together with family and friends! It has nothing to
do with ribbons, tags, packages, boxes, trees, or decorations! Christmas, or
Xmas back home on Earth, or the Day before Boxing Day as its politically
correct version, isn't about the giving, or the getting, but about the
loving. And I know what Christmas from my old time is about! You may take
away Christmas, but you can never destroy the Christmas spirit!"
But the Snow QUeen only chuckled. "Well I can try!"
She lifted her left hand up towards Fry. But before she could imprison Fry
in crystalized ice, a shower of snow flakes blew in from the window. They
hovered above the floor and materialized into a human.
It was Madame Winter.
"Sister!" she said.
"I should have known you were the one behind all this!" the Snow Queen
"You'd already lost by the time I arrived," said Madame Winter. "This young
man has beaten you."
She turned to face Fry. "I heard what you said in my Crystal Ball. Very
good! That Christmas Spirit gave me a small spark of power! Now I am
enchanted once more!"
Raising her arms and lowering them down the sides of her body, colorful
lights began to dance
from her body. The ice which imprisoned Fry's boots melted, along with the
statues of Bender, Leela, Louis, and Cecilia.
"I can move!" said Leela as she lowered her leg.
"I'm back, baby!" said Bender.
"Cecilia!" Louis said happily.
"Louis!" Cecilia cried happily. And they embraced.
"I love you!" they both said to each other at the same time.
"That's so beautiful," said Leela.
"Boy I'll tell you," said Bender, "it's amazing how three words can scare
"Yeah," said Fry, "like, no more beer!"
"Or, no more Slurm!" said Bender.
"Or, you're under arrest!" said Fry.
"But nothing is worse than I love you!" said Bender.
"Come on Bender," said Fry. "It's Christmas! It's time for some holiday
Bender opened his compartment and took out a bottle of beer.
"I'll drink to the holiday!" he said.
He chugged down the entire bottle.
"Ahhh!" he said as he lowered the bottle. Then he belched out a stream of
Unfortunately for the Snow Queen, she was enveloped in its heat. She began
"NOOOOOOOOOO!" she cried. "Curse my body! Why did I have to be made of
Finally she melted completely. All that was left of her body was her robe,
crown, and a puddle of water that froze instantly the moment it touched the
"Oops," said Bender.
Madame Winter shook her head. "It's alright," she said. "It seems that there
was no other way."
"Joy to the world!" Bender sang, "the Snow Queen's dead! Slain by our friend
in lead! What's left of her body, We'll flush it down the potty...!"
"That will be quite enough Bender," said Fry.
"Come on now," said Leela, "it's time to restore the Christmas Spirit of
Thanks to Madame Winter, Fry, Leela, Bender, Louis and Cecilia were able to
return to Yuletide
on their ship.
Leela descended the ship from the sky and into the town square. Night had
just falled and many stars filled the sky.
Leela, Fry, and Bender were the first to come out. A large crowd gathered
Standing before Fry, Leela, and Bender, was the mayor.
"I knew you would come back," he said. "I arranged a little surprise!"
Bender, Leela, and Fry were soon surrounded by armed guards.
"Take them away!" the mayor said.
"Father stop!" a voice called out.
"That voice!" the mayor said. "It's can't be!"
Down the steps came Cecilia, accompanied by Louis.
"Where have you been young lady?!"
"On the Yuletide moon held hostage by the Snow Queen. But these people came
and saved me!"
"Is this true?"
"Yes sir," said Louis.
For the first time in a year, the mayor smiled.
"Oh what a glorious day this is!" he said happily. "Alright! I rescind the
law I made a year ago! What are we waiting for?! We've got a holiday to
"But first," said Louis, "some unfinished business."
A priest stood before Louis and Cecilia and opened his bible.
"Now where was I?" he asked.
"Speak now or forever hold your peace," said Cecilia.
No one spoke up.
"Then by the power invested in me, I pronounce you husband and wife. You may
now kiss each other!"
And that's what Louis and Cecilia did. The crowd cheered. Fry, Leela, and
"Come on," said Leela, "let's go home!"
After sharing good-byes, the trio climbed back into the Planet Express ship
and ascended off the surface of Yuletide to begin its trip back to Earth.
"We'd better hurry," said Leela, "or we'll be late for the Xmas dinner!"
Later, at Planet Express, everyone else finished setting the table for
"They're still not back," said Farnsworth. "Something may have happened. Xmas
just won't be the same this year."
Suddenly, they all heard what sounded like the Planet Express ship landing
in the docking bay,
because it was the ship landing in the docking bay.
"What was that?!" asked Hermes.
The doors opened. In came Fry, Leela, and Bender.
"Ho ho ho," said Fry. "Merry Xmas!"
"Leela! There you are!" said Morris. "Your mother and I were worried sick!"
"Sorry daddy," said Leela. "Something came up during our trip."
"Bah! Nevermind," said Morris. "Good to see you home! Now let's all sit down
and have Xmas dinner together!"
Everyone took a seat. Bender lifted the lid off the cooking pots on the
table. Inside them, were peas and carrots, soup, mashed potatoes with gravy,
chicken, and turkey.
"Looks delicious!" said Fry.
"We brought the chicken," said Mundy. "It's roadkill. Morris and I make it
for dinner once in a while."
"How exactly do you cook roadkill? What does it taste like?" asked Fry.
"Well," said Mundy, "you don't have to cook it long cause it's already
grilled. And at the point of impact, the meat is always pretty tender. We
would serve the meat on a hubcap."
"Alright everyone," said Farnsworth, "let's say grace."
"Grace!" said everyone. And they all laughed.
"Alright let's try that again," said Farnsworth.
Everyone bowed their heads and joined their hands together.
"Look both ways before you cross the street," said Fry.
They all laughed again.
"Alright now," said Farnsworth, "let's dig in!"
It was a wonderful meal. Nibbler ate the leftovers.
"Alright everyone," said Hermes, "it's time for desert!"
Amy and Kif brought out the cake. It was decorated in green, red, and white
icing, with candy letters spelling out "Sleep in Heavenly Peace", all except
for the "A" and "C" that Amy had made earlier.
Zoidberg cut the cake with a knife and everyone enjoyed a slice.
"Delicious!" said Fry.
"Great cake!" said Bender.
"This is so sweet and tasty!" said Leela.
But before everyone could have seconds, Nibbler gobbled up the leftovers.
Later, in the living room, everyone was singing Xmas carols.
"Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the way! Oh what fun it is to ride
in a one horse open sleigh! Hey! Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle all the
way! Oh what fun it is to ride in a one horse open sleigh!"
"Dashing through the sky!" Bender sang, "In a snowdeer open sleigh..."
"Bender, it's dashing through the snow, in a reindeer open sleigh," Leela
"But why are they called reindeer when it snows?" Bender asked.
Fry was the first to stop laughing, since he heard something on the roof.
"Everyone be quiet!" he said. "I heard something on the roof!"
Everyone was quiet. Sure enough, they heard something on the roof.
Suddenly, they heard a jetpack roar as someone descended down the fireplace.
Everyone knew who it was.
It was Santa Claus. He deactivated his jetpack and stepped out.
"You've all been very naughty!" he said. "Except you Dr. Zoidberg and Kif
Kroker!" He reached into his sack and tossed Zoidberg and Kif a package.
"These are for you!"
Zoidberg and Kif opened their presents. Inside, Zoidberg found hair tonic
and Kif discovered a camera.
Zoidberg sprayed some tonic on his head. Soon it was covered in red hair. He
looked pleased with himself.
"As for the rest of you," said Santa, "it's time I heck the dolls, er um, I
mean deck the halls with boughs of horror!"
He reached into his sack.
"Wait Santa!" said Fry. "Leela, I, and Bender did good recently!"
"Oh really?" asked Santa.
"Yes!" said Fry. "We saved Christmas on Yuletide!"
"So that's what you've been doing all this time!" said Farnsworth.
Santa rubbed his chin. "Well, that's so good, I'll have to add it to my
He took out his list and began to jot something down.
Everyone took this moment to their advantage. Zoidberg cut some wire on the
Christmas lights with his claws. Everyone else took the wire and jammed it
into Santa's mouth, electrocuting him with
thousands of watts of electricity.
When the energy stopped flowing, Santa shut down.
"There!" said Fry. "Now Santa will never terrorize the holiday every again!"
"Not quite," said Farnsworth. "I used to work for the company that created
this monstrosity! I shall simply make some changes to the program, correct
the errors, and we'll have a new Santa Claus."
"It sounds crazy," said Leela, "but it just might work!
For the next few minutes, Farnsworth sat at the computer in his lab, making
some changes to Santa's program. Finally, he was finished.
He came back into the living room carrying a disk and inserted it into a
compartment in the back of Santa's head under his hat.
Instantly the robot came back to life. He rubbed his belly like a bowl full
"Ho ho ho!" he said. "Merry Xmas!"
"I did it!" said Farnsworth.
"You've all been naughty, but you've also been good too," said Santa. "I have
some special surprises for you."
He reached into his sack and gave everyone else a package.
"Merry Xmas!" he said. "Now I must go on with my task!"
He returned to the chimney, and laying his finger on his jetpack, he rose up
the chimney and back onto the roof. He climbed onto his sleigh and rode off
with his robotic reindeer.
"Ho ho ho!" he laughed.
Everyone in the street looked up.
"Merry Xmas!" Santa said as he tossed packages out of his sack down below.
Everyone below cheered.
"It's a miracle!" said a young woman. "This must be a new Santa Clause
"This is the best Xmas ever!" her boyfriend said as he opened the package he
caught. Inside, he saw white women's undergarments. With a sheepish smile,
he gave it to her.
At Planet Express, everyone opened their presents. Amy got diamond earrings,
Hermes recieved a new tie, Bender got a twelve pack of beer, Farnsworth's
gift was a set of new test tubes and beakers, Fry got a twelve pack of Slurm
and a coupon for a free twelve pack of Slurm, Morris and Mundy got a dress
and suit, and Leela recieved a beautiful diamond necklace.
"This is the best Xmas ever!" said Fry.
"We know!" said everyone else.
"Shall I take a picture of everyone with my new camera?" asked Kif.
Everyone lined up together. Kif set the timer on the camera and joined
everyone after setting it on the table.
"Say cheese!" he said.
"Cheese!" said everyone.
The camera snapped a photograph, which came out a slot on the side.
"I think we'll have it framed!" said Kif.
Fry saw something in the sky out the window.
"Everyone! Look out the window into the sky!" he said.
Everyone gathered by the window. Up in the sky, shone a star brighter than
any other sky.
"There's the true meaning of Xmas up there!" said Fry.
"It's so beautiful," said Amy.
"Is this a great holiday or what?!" asked Zoidberg.
"Yes!" everyone said happily.
They all began to sing "We wish you a merry Xmas". During the song, Fry and
Leela saw that they stood under the mistletoe. They turned to face each
other and their lips drew closer.
Back in the sky, Santa flew his sleigh through the night air.
"Merry Xmas to all! And to all a good night!" he said out loud, before
riding his sleigh off into the distance.