Fan Fiction

The Recruit
By Ramon 51

This Fan Fiction is the continuation of "Galactic Agent Gal." It occurs right after Leela has decided to become an Intelligence Officer with the Galactic Intelligence Agency. It takes Leela through her initial training, where she meets some friends she will have for the rest of her life…however long that may be! It sets the stage for some rip roaring sequels.

The year is 3005.

Opening Scene: The scene opens with the usual exterior shot of the Planet Express building. The camera shot moves inside. Leela, Fry, Amy, Bender, Zoidberg, and Hermes are at the table. The Professor enters from the direction of the lab, waving a piece of paper excitedly.

PROFESSOR: Good news everyone! We just won a 5-year contract to perform deliveries throughout seven galaxies!

HERMES: Great Judah of Bermuda! We did it?

AMY: (Exclaims in Cantonese)…Dude!

ZOIDBERG: Hooray, Zoidberg will eat!

BENDER: Who'd be stupid…I mean…smart enough to give us a five-year contract?

PROFESSOR: Quiet, all of you! Our contract is with Sigma Industries, owned by my old friend Ray. We made such a good impression at the dedication of DOOP Headquarters that he decided to award us a contract. This means that everyone can now draw minimum wage. Oh my, yes.

ALL: Hooray! Yes! Woo-hoo!

HERMES: People, let's get back to the meetin'. Item One, Leela, your application for vacation is granted. See you in two weeks. Item Two, we have to spend the next two weeks getting the Planet Express Ship up to code to get our registration back after that little incident on the Dumbbell Planet, so it won't be making any deliveries. Everyone else will be involved in getting this place renovated to meet Sigma Industries safety and security standards. (Hermes points to and then drops a 6 inch thick binder on the table with a loud thud.)

BENDER: Aw Crap! More work for the Robot. Well, you can kiss my shiny metal ass! If it isn't bending, count me out.

FRY: No Fair! I want to go on vacation too! (Pause) There is a certain somebody that I want to go visit on Mars.

HERMES: No way, Fry. With Leela gone, we will need every hand we can get.

FRY: (Crossing arms and frowning.) Well, I get to go next.

HERMES: OK, Fry. Put in your application soon.

BENDER: Hee-Hee-Hee. Fry's got a girlfriend.

Fry gives Bender a "drop dead" look.

AMY: Where are you going on vacation?

LEELA: Nowhere special, I'm just going to visit my parents and some of my relatives.

AMY: (With a touch of disgust.) Spleesh! In the sewers?

LEELA: (Frowning.) Well Amy, not everyone can own half a planet.

AMY: Spleesh! Somebody sure is sensitive today!

HERMES: Enough of the cat fighting, Amy…Leela.

PROFESSOR: (Sounding confused.) Cats…are fighting? What…where?

HERMES: (Sighs.) Let's get to work, people.

Everyone rises from the table.



SCENE ONE: The scene opens with Leela walking down the street to her parents' house. She walks up to her parents' door and uses a key to enter without knocking.

LEELA: Mom? Dad? Is anybody home?

MUNDA: (OC.) In the kitchen, honey!

Leela walks into the kitchen, where her mother is busy cooking. Her mother stops working and gives Leela a hug.

MUNDA: It's good to see you, Leela. So, how are things at work?

LEELA: Ok, I guess. (Pause) Mom, I'm going to work with the GIA…the way you and dad used to. Ray asked me last week. (Pause) I accepted.

MUNDA: Yes, honey, I know.

LEELA: How did you know?

MUNDA: (Smiling.) First lesson, a good IO never reveals sources.

LEELA: IO? What is that?

MUNDA: It's Agency slang for Intelligence Officer.

LEELA: (Smiling.) OK, fair enough.

(OC) MORRIS: So how's my little girl?

Leela turns to face her father. She smiles and gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

LEELA: I'm fine, dad. You look great.

MORRIS: Couldn't be better! Your mother takes good care of me. (Stage Whispers to Leela) Of course, I get her a birthday present on my birthday. A little bribery never hurts.

MUNDA: (Smiling) Morris, set the table, will you?

MORRIS: Yes, dear.

Morris moves into the dining room to begin setting the table.

LEELA: Mom, will you and dad watch Nibbler for me? I axed Fry to do it, but he is so…well…unreliable lately.

MUNDA: Of course, sweetie. (Laughing) Nibbler fits right in down here. Besides, he helps keep the flying pig population in check. Your dad will go pick him up from your apartment…you left the grate unlocked, right?

LEELA: (Rolling her eye.) Yes, Mom. (Pause.) Mom, what do you know about Ray GunZ?

MUNDA: (Teasingly.) Nothing that you couldn't look up in Glaxnars "Who's Who."


MUNDA: (Smiling.) Your father and I have known Ray for 20 years. He is from Cygnus 12, the son of a Cygnian father and a human mother. Both of his parents died, as did nearly all of his people, during the chaos following the Brain Spawn attack on Cygnus 12 in 2990. Ray appreciates talent…no matter where it comes from or what form it takes. He is also extremely intelligent. That makes him an easy person to work with.

LEELA: It sounds like you really admire him.

MUNDA: It is hard not to. Still, I think you ought to form your own opinions.

LEELA: What do you know about his sister?

MUNDA: Virginia? That's a tough one. She seems like a complete air head one moment. The next, she is discussing complex quantum physics equations. She's very young for a Cygnian to be "out in society" as they say, she is only 20. Still, she is very tender hearted, polite, and absolutely devoted to her brother. (Pauses and turns to look Leela in the eye.) Does this line of questioning have anything to do with the state dinner?

LEELA: (Emphatically.) No! Let's switch the subject. Mom, do you know anything about the school I have to attend for the next two weeks?

MUNDA: Second lesson, a good IO doesn't discuss classified information in an unclassified environment. (Pause) With a smile Munda touches Leela's cheek. I can tell you that you will do fine, honey.

(OC) MORRIS: Munda, where are the glasses?

MUNDA: In the lower cabinet! (Pause.) Let's go in and help your father finish. Honestly, men!

Leela and Munda exit the kitchen into the dining room.



SCENE TWO: Exterior Shot. Leela is walking along a street in the sewers beneath New-New York, with a note in one hand and a small overnight bag in the other. She appears to be looking for an address. She pauses in front of a three story Victorian Mansion. It is surrounded by a seven foot brick wall. The grounds are well kept, by sewer standards. She enters through a wrought iron gate. She approaches the front door and knocks.

VOICE FROM SPEAKER: State your business!

LEELA: Ray sent me.

VOICE: Wait, please. (Pause) Enter.

Leela enters and finds herself in a large entry area with a stairway to her front, a corridor leading to the back of the house, and closed doorways to the right and left. A Horrible Gelatinous Blob (HGB) is standing at the foot of the steps.

HGB: You papers, please.

LEELA: Sure. (Hands them to the HGB).

HGB: (Examining the papers.) Everything is in order, please follow me. (Noisily eats Leela's papers.)

Leela follows the HGB through the corridor to the back of the house. They enter an office. Seated at the only desk is a dead ringer for Bender when he became a human.

MAN: You must be Turanga Leela.

LEELA: That's me…and you are?

MAN: Call me Derby. Welcome to Safe House 451. (Abruptly) While here, you will discontinue the use of your name. Here you will be known as Solo.


DERBY: Security. (Takes a book off the desk and hands it to Leela.) You will familiarize yourself with this handbook by dinner tonight. It contains the rules and regulations. We do not tolerate breaches of security, clear?

LEELA: (Frowning.) Clear, sir! But…

DERBY: (Holds up right hand) Save your questions for later. There are five other students attending training with you. You have two missions while you are here. The first is to absorb everything that we teach you. The second is to learn as much about your fellow students while revealing as little about yourself as possible. You will be tested on both. Is that understood?

LEELA: Sure. (Muttering under her breath.) Jerk.

DERBY: You are dismissed.

Leela turns on her heel and exits the room. As she leaves, the HGB follows her out.

(OC) HGB: Please follow me, Solo. I will show you to your quarters. You are the first to arrive. The others are scheduled to arrive tomorrow morning.

LEELA: (To herself) Just great! Another night alone.



SCENE THREE: Day one. Leela is seated in a room that has six seats arranged in a "U" shape. At the head of the "U" are a podium and an electronic blackboard. Leela chooses the seat at the tip of the "U" which allows her a view of the door. Arriving early allows her to watch her fellow students enter. HGB is already in the room, near the electronic blackboard.

HGB: Did you sleep well, Solo?

LEELA: (Distractedly) I'm sorry? What?

HGB: I asked if you slept well.

LEELA: Yes, thank you. (Pause. Looks closely at HGB.) I never did catch your name.

HGB: That's because I never let it run around loose. (Laughs.) Everyone calls me Higby.

At that moment, the next student enters the room. He looks like a dark haired version of Zapp Brannigan, although shorter and of a decidedly more muscular build. He is wearing a dark suit with a light blue turtleneck. He looks at Leela, nods politely, and sits in the seat opposite her at the other tip of the "U." Following closely behind him is a Neptunian female of average height, wearing a flame red dress with matching shoes and accessories. She strides confidently across the room and extends her lower left hand to Leela.

NEPTUNIAN: Hi! I'm Pisces. What's your name?

LEELA: Um…er…Solo.

PISCES: Well, um…er…Solo, it's good to meet you. (Laughs.) I'm so excited! There is nothing I like better than a good mystery. Excuse me, but I want to meet our other classmates.

Pisces walks across to the man.

PISCES: Hello, I'm…

MAN: (With a slight Russian accent) Yes, Pisces…I know, I heard you introduce yourself to Solo. I am Beethoven.

PISCES: (Laughs.) Beethoven…I thought he was deaf!

BEETHOVEN: So he was. (Somewhat stiffly.) As you can tell, I am not. It is pleasure to meet you, Pisces.

Just then, the other three students file into the room. The first is a female, obviously from Amphibios Nine, wearing a dark green jump suit. The second is a brown haired human male, wearing blue jeans and a grey sweatshirt. The last in line is an Omicronian male wearing a blue cape. He barely squeezes through the doorway. Higby gestures them to hurry up and sit down. They settle into the remaining chairs. The order of seating is Beethoven, the female from Amphibios Nine, the human male, the Omicronian, Pisces and Leela.

HIGBY: Welcome, students. Please rise and introduce yourselves.

BEETHOVEN: Beethoven.




PISCES: Pisces. And I am just so glad to be here!

LEELA: Solo.

HIGBY: You have all received copies of the rules and regulations? (Everyone nods) Excellent! Now, I'd like to introduce you to our "headmaster," one of the most successful operatives in our history…The Kraken.

The Kraken strides briskly into the room and faces the students. She is a human female of average height, with her brown hair worn in a bun. She is of athletic build, wearing a dark pants suit that accentuates the fact. On her right cheek is a small scar. Her hard, mirthless eyes briefly scan each face after which she begins to speak in a low, modulated tone.

Kraken: (In a Scottish Brogue.) One thing we will not waste here is time. From this point onwards, even your dream time will be put to use. No bloody commercials in here! Your instructors are all highly successful operatives…experts in their own fields. Listen to them! You've each been selected for your unique abilities. These two weeks are only the beginning of your training. From here…if you pass…you will move on to individual training that suits your future assignment in the Agency. Remember…every moment of every day is a test. That is all.

Kraken turns on her heel and quickly leaves the room, followed by Higby. Just as he leaves, Higby turns in the doorway.

HIGBY: Five minute break. Enjoy it!

Higby then leaves the room. There are a few seconds of silence; everyone seems absorbed in their own thoughts.



SCENE FOUR: The scene begins with a montage of short clips showing the students sitting in class, working out in a gym, and sitting together in the dining room…talking. The action picks up at the middle of the second week. The students are sitting in the classroom, waiting for the instructor. Kraken walks in and stands before the blackboard. Higby enters the room right after Kraken, but remains near the door.

KRAKEN: Up until now, you have concentrated on book learning. Now, it is time to start putting your basic skills into practice. (Reaches into the podium and removes a series of packets.) Here are your briefing folders. (Hands one to each student) You will each conduct a short mission, which will conclude with a face-to-face meeting with Higby, Derby, or me at a selected location. Study your packets. Any questions…axe Higby. Your missions begin in six hours. Good luck. That is all.

Kraken turns and leaves the room.

PISCES: I'm so excited, I could wet my pants!

LEELA: (Wryly, with a smile.) Please don't, you know I have the bunk below yours.

BEETHOVEN: Higby, are we permitted to study our mission packets in our rooms?

HIGBY: Of course! You may study in your rooms, in the library, or you may elect to remain here.

Beethoven stands up and exits the room.

TINY: I'm off for the library.

GUMBY: Me too.

SOCKET: I'm headed for my room.

Tiny, Socket, and Gumby exit.

PISCES: I'm going to our room, coming Solo?

LEELA: Sure.

The camera follows Leela and Pisces as they walk to their room.

PISCES: I am so excited! What do you suppose we will be doing?

LEELA: Oh Pi, nothing complicated or dangerous I'm sure.

PISCES: I'm so nervous and I know it shows. How do you stay so calm? I mean, nothing has fazed you in this whole course.

LEELA: (Shrugs her shoulders) Just born that way, I guess.

PISCES: They must be really brave on your home planet. (Pause) I bet you are going to get to be a NOC.

LEELA: (Surprised.) What?

PISCES: You know, Non Official Cover. Only the best get to be a NOC. You will probably get to work in the Special Operations Directorate as well.

LEELA: (Laughs.) That's a tall order. We'll probably spend our first few years doing menial tasks until they decide we won't kill ourselves or compromise security in a really big way.

Leela and Pisces walk for a short distance in silence. They enter their room on the third floor. It has two bunk beds, a couple of chests, and two computer desks facing away from each other. It is easy to see which bunk, desk, and chest belongs to whom. Leela's is immaculate. Pisces area is cluttered, although not dirty.

PISCES: You know Solo, I never had a sister. If I had, I'd want her to be like you.

LEELA: (Seriously) Pi, you know we need to keep out identities out of this environment.

PISCES: (Sadly) Solo, I know I'll never pass this course. (Brightening) But you will.

LEELA: (Fiercely) Pi, don't you ever say that again! (Softening) Look, you may not become a NOC, but you are good at making snap decisions and you have a real grasp of technology. Plus, you are a Neptunian…and I overheard Derby say to Higby that they need Neptunian operatives.

PISCES: (Smiling.) Well, if I make it, I want to make it on my own merits…not just because I'm a Neptunian.

LEELA: You will. Now, let's "get with the program" as Derby is so fond of saying.

PISCES: (Saluting with her right upper hand) Yes ma'm!



SCENE FIVE: Exterior shot in New-New York. Leela is walking down a busy street in upper Manhattan. She is wearing a blue dress with matching shoes, a blonde wing, and a set of sunglasses. She is also carrying a combination purse/backpack.

LEELA: (Muttering to herself) OK. Now that I'm on my tail detection route, I need to see who's following me.

Leela continues to walk slowly down the street. She then turns into a 711 Store. Once inside, she browses for a few minutes. After selecting some gum, she walks to the counter and positions herself where she can see out the front window. "Nothing suspicious…so far," she thinks.

CLERK: That will be a dollar.

LEELA: OK. (Pays and places the gum in her purse)

Leela goes back onto the street and continues to move with the crowd. Two blocks down, she enters a multi-story department store. She walks up a staircase for two floors, using her peripheral vision to check behind her as she turns at each landing. On the second floor, she realizes that a man in a dark overcoat may be following her.

LEELA: (To herself.) OK. I've got a tail. Now I need to lose him. Remember…nothing flashy.

Leela looks at some ladies lingerie for a few minutes and then takes the elevator to the ground floor. She leaves the store on the side opposite from which she entered. Moving quickly, she gets into a cab.

LEELA: Take me to the nearest Tube Station.

DRIVER: Whatever you say, Lady.

As the cab pulls into traffic, Leela uses her compact mirror to look behind her and…sure enough…the man in the overcoat is jumping into a late model hover car.

LEELA: Damn!

DRIVER: What? Is there some kind of problem?

LEELA: (Sounding frightened.) My ex-boyfriend is following me. He is a real jerk. He just jumped into the black Hover Car that pulled up just as we left.

DRIVER: (Looks into rear view mirror.) Yeah, I sees him. You want I should lose him?

LEELA: Please, just don't do anything illegal.

DRIVER: Don't sweat it, Lady. (Gets microphone form dashboard) Police Dispatch, this is Yellow Cab Six Five Seven One calling with a suspicious vehicle report.

VOICE: Go ahead Yellow Cab.

DRIVER: Late Model Hover Car, black in color, with a New-New York license plate Charlie Six Hotel One Two Oscar Six. Three occupants. 100 meters south of my GPS location.

VOICE: Roger. I will dispatch a cruiser to check it out.

The cab drives for a couple of blocks. The black Hover Car is still following at a distance. Suddenly, three police cars converge on the black Hover Car, blocking its path. The cab makes an immediate left turn and speeds down a side street. Two more turns and the cab stops at a Tube Station.

DRIVER: Will this do?

LEELA: Yes, and thank you.

DRIVER: That will be five bucks.

LEELA: (Handing him a 10.) Keep the change.

DRIVER: Thanks, Lady!

Leela stands beneath the tube.

LEELA: Cross town express.

SCENE SIX: Leela zips into the tube. For the next hour she crisscrosses New-New York, making certain she has shaken her tail. Once she is certain she strolls into Central Park. Once inside, she heads into a public bathroom, emerging dressed in a black jogging suit. She takes a narrow trail, jogging slowly with her bag slung over her left shoulder. A man in a bright red jogging suit approaches. As he gets closer, he shifts a blue wrist band from his right to his left wrist.

LEELA: (under her breath) OK. That's the signal. It's him. Now do it just like they taught you. A brush pass is the easiest thing in the world if you keep your cool.

Just as the man gets within a few feet, Leela appears to stumble. They brush against each other for a second.

LEELA: Excuse me.

MAN: Sorry.

The man continues jogging down the trail. Leela jogs a short distance before she sits on a bench. After a brief moment, she glances into her purse. She made both the pickup and the delivery! A smile crosses her face. "Now I need to get to my meeting." Getting up, Leela jogs to another public bathroom a short way down the trail. When Leela emerges, she is wearing her former outfit. Leaving the park, she heads for a tube across the street.

LEELA: Little Neptune.

Once in Little Neptune, she heads for the "The Flaming Slug" a small restaurant she spotted during her virtual reconnaissance of her meeting spot. It is directly across the street from her meeting spot, "The Second Moon Café." Looking at her Wristamajigy Leela thinks, "Just one hour until the meeting." She selects a seat at the window, where she can see the street.

WAITER: Would you like a menu?

LEELA: I'm not very hungry. How about a glass of Soylent Cola and some Slug Fritters?

WAITER: Spicy or regular?

LEELA: Regular.

WAITER: Very good, madam.

In a few minutes, the waiter brings her food. Leela takes her time eating. She thinks, "The Slug Fritters are pretty good here!" As inconspicuously as possible, Leela keeps an eye on the time. "Think…how am I supposed to conduct this meeting?" Her mind drifts to the class on face-to-face meetings given by The Kraken.



SCENE SEVEN: The classroom. The Kraken is at the electronic blackboard.

KRAKEN: Remember. Time is critical. Make sure you get there in time to observe the meeting site for as long as you can without standing out. See if anyone goons are watching.

PISCES: How long before the meeting should we get there?

KRAKEN: Use your judgment based on how busy the area is and how much you stick out. Tiny, what sort of places would you not fit in?

TINY: (Startled) Uh…anywhere you fit in, I guess.

KRAKEN: (With a rare smile.) You mankey Omicronian git! (Serious once again.) Socket, if you went to Omicron Persei Eight, where would you select to have a face-to-face meeting?

SOCKET: Anywhere outworlders and Omicronians mingling would not attract attention, I reckon…the spaceport, certain public buildings, stores, and restaurants.

KRAKEN: Correct. Now, once you put the site under surveillance…maintain it! Then, you need to make sure you are on time. You have a four minute window to make contact. If you miss it, go for the alternate meeting. But do not loiter about the area. Clear off right away!

Leela snaps back into the present. Damn! How had Derby managed to seat himself without her seeing him? There he was, bigger than life. She looks at her watch…show time! Rising, she pays the bill and crosses the street.

LEELA: (To Derby) Pardon me, but do you have a butane lighter?

DERBY: I don't smoke cigarettes, only cigars.

LEELA: Neither does your health any good.

DERBY: Pull up a chair, Solo.

LEELA: (Sits down.) So what is our story?

DERBY: You and I are meeting to discuss potential employment with Sigma Industries. My name…as far as you are concerned…is John Clark. I am a senior personnel executive. This is your second interview. You heard about us on Monstrosity.com. Got it?

LEELA. John Clark, senior personnel executive with Sigma Industries. Second interview…but for what position?

DERBY: Right…Co-Pilot on the Lemuria. That is enough chit chat. Well, do you have the package?

LEELA: Check your briefcase.

DERBY: (Looks down briefly. He sees that Leela had already slipped the documents into his briefcase. The ghost of a smile crosses his face.) Well done. Now it is time for the next part of our exercise…your arrest.

LEELA: What?

Before Leela can react, a squad of six Agency Copbots bursts from hiding around the Café. Leela instinctively lashes out at the two closest Copbots. Using a roundhouse kick, Leela knocks the first ones head completely off. With an "iron fist" strike on the second, Leela smashes through its front access panel. When her hand emerges from the Copbot, it is holding a handful of wires and part of a motherboard. The Copbot sputters and collapses. Before she can wheel, a third Copbot hits her with a stun stick. Leela goes rigid, and then collapses. As darkness overcomes her she thinks, "Did I screw up somehow?"



SCENE EIGHT: Interior of a poorly lit room. There appears to be but a single lamp. Leela is handcuffed and manacled to a chair directly below the lamp. She moans and begins to stir.

VOICE FROM THE DARKNESS: What is your name? Why were you meeting with that man?

LEELA: (Groggily.) Who are you? Where am I?

VOICE: You are in official custody. I will ask you the questions. What is your name? Why were you meeting with that man?

LEELA: (Remembering her training.) I've done nothing wrong. I demand to speak to a lawyer.

VOICE: What is your name? Why were you meeting that man?

LEELA: I refuse to answer any questions until I can speak to my lawyer. Under what charge am I being detained?

A dark haired human male, wearing a dark uniform, steps into the light. In his hand is a pain stick. He turns it on and presses it against Leela. There is a loud zapping sound.

LEELA: (Screams.) You jerkwad! Use of those things is illegal! I demand to see a lawyer!

MAN: That was set at level one. Would you care to try level ten?

LEELA: Why are you doing this? I've done nothing wrong!

The man clicks the pain stick to a higher setting.

MAN: What is your name? Why were you meeting that man?

LEELA: I told you, I've done nothing wrong.

Without a word, the man presses the pain stick against Leela. A loud zap, and she slumps over unconscious. After a few seconds, Leela begins to stir again.

MAN: That was setting seven. Would you like a higher setting? I repeat, what is your name? Who was that man you were meeting with?

LEELA: My name is Leela Solo. I was meeting with a Mr. Clark about a job offer.

MAN: Progress! Of course, I already knew your name. It was on the papers in your purse. What was the man's real name? We know he is from the GIA.

LEELA: GIA? What's that?

MAN: Don't play stupid with me. I want the truth! What is his real name? Why were you meeting with him?

LEELA: I don't know what you are talking about! (Firmly) I demand to see a lawyer.

MAN: I think not.

The man adjusts the setting and presses the pain stick against Leela again. Again, there is a loud zap. Leela passes out once again.



SCENE NINE: Leela is lying on her bunk. Pisces is hovering over her, looking into her face. Leela's eye flutters and then opens.

PISCES: Solo, how are you?

LEELA: Pi! What are you doing here?

PISCES: I'm back from my mission.

LEELA: (Looks around.) How did I get here?

PISCES: Derby and Higby brought you in an hour ago. You were unconscious. They told me to keep an eye on you.

LEELA: (Tears forming in her eye.) I think I blew it Pi.

PISCES: (Emphatically.) Nonsense! I overheard The Kraken say to Derby that you did a "rum job." It sounded like that was something good.

There is a knock at the door.

PISCES: I'll get it.

Pisces opens the door, revealing Gumby and Tiny.

GUMBY: How's Solo doing?

PISCES: She's awake. You want to come in?

TINY: Sure. (Pause.) Hey, Solo. (Grins.) So the sleeper is awake! How are you feeling?

LEELA: (Sitting up and smiling.) Like I was run over by a Hover Truck!

TINY: Really? I got run into by an Earthican Hover Car once. I got a bruise on my ass and the Hover Car was totaled.

Everyone laughs.

GUMBY: Well Solo, Derby wants to see you.

LEELA: Great. Time to face the music.

Leela gets out of bed and heads down to Derby's office. She stands in front of the door for a few seconds, takes a deep breath, and then knocks.

(OC) DERBY: Enter.

Leela enters the office.

LEELA: You wanted to see me, Sir?

DERBY: Have a seat, Solo. As you know, we normally wait until the end of the full two weeks before making any decisions on our students. However, in your case, The Kraken has decided to make an exception.

LEELA: (Dejectedly) I understand.

DERBY: Do you? The Kraken has recommended…with the concurrence of all of your instructors…that you be assigned to the Special Operations Directorate as a NOC.

LEELA: (Astonished.) But I got arrested…I screwed up!

DERBY: (With a brief smile) No, Solo. That was all part of the exercise. You performed superbly…except for destroying two of our Copbots. However, given the scenario, your resistance was justified. So, congratulations.

LEELA: Thank you, sir.

DERBY: Keep this to yourself until graduation tomorrow. You are dismissed.

Leela stands and leaves the office.



SCENE TEN: Graduation! The class is gathered in the dining room. At the head of the table is The Kraken. Starting at her right are Derby, Leela, Beethoven, Gumby, Tiny, Socket, Pisces, and Higby. The Kraken rises and begins to speak.

KRAKEN: (In her usual low, modulated tone.) You may feel that the past two weeks have been a bit difficult. Well, you haven't seen anything yet. Still, I ‘ken that you will all do well. On the whole, this is the best class I've had come through here in years. Before I introduce our guest speaker, there is a final exercise. Each student will now give their impression of the student seated to their right. Solo, why don't you begin?

LEELA: Okay. Beethoven is from an elite military organization…probably some kind of Special Forces. He is from Eastern Europe…possibly Russia. He is an only child as are all of the others in our class except Socket…who comes from a large family. Beethoven's skills are hand-to-hand combat with edged weapons, communications, and using kind of fire arm.

KRAKEN: (Smiling) A minus, Solo.

BEETHOVEN: Gumby is a former student with some military training. Her race is from Amphibios 9, of course. She prefers to finesse problems rather than use brute force. I never heard her discuss her family. Her math skills are first rate as are her lock-picking capabilities.

KRAKEN: B plus, Beethoven.

GUMBY: (Smiling while looking at Tiny) Tiny is an Omicronian…Duh! He is an only child. His family is part of the Omicronian Nobility. He has traveled extensively and enjoys trying new foods. He is stronger than a Bending Robot. He can also use a form of thermal vision at night. And, he is very empathic.

KRAKEN: A minus, Gumby. Well done.

TINY: (Gruffly) I am not empathic! Socket is a genius with anything mechanical or electrical. Although, I do not think he has ever been to college. He always finished any of that kind of training well before the rest of us. He has numerous siblings…but (sounding confused) for some reason he refuses to eat them. He is from the Southern part of North America. His wise grandmother, who he calls "Granny," apparently said a great many things like, "dead as a beaver hat" and "wantin' ain't getting'."

KRAKEN: A plus, Tiny. (Laughs) You blatherskite!

SOCKET: Pisces is the friendliest gal I believe I've ever met. She could be a Southern gal, but she isn't. Her people are from Neptune, but she was raised in England and the United States. She has an ability to tinker that is just stomp down amazing. If I was a betting man, I'd bet she hold at least three graduate degrees…even though she can't be more than 22 to 24 years old. I believe she is an only child that was raised by her father…I can't say why…but I believe it anyway. She also grew up around the GIA. She knew too much about how this outfit works and she speaks the lingo too danged well.

KRAKEN: Unless Pisces outdoes you, I believe you hold the laurels for this engagement, Socket.

PISCES: Solo is well-organized, caring, and a bit opinionated. (Becoming emotional) Hers is the best friendship that I have ever formed in so short a time. Solo is a leader…someone who is going to go far. She is skilled at almost everything we do. Nothing fazes her. She has lived on Earth all her life. I do not know where her people originate, but they must be a race of heroes. She has traveled widely, probably as part of a spaceship crew.

KRAKEN: Well done, Pisces. You get an A. Now, I'd like to give you your initial assignments. Socket and Pisces, you are assigned to the Science and Technology Directorate. Solo, Tiny, and Beethoven…you are assigned to the Special Operations Directorate. Gumby, you are assigned to the Counterintelligence Directorate. I can see from you faces that you need time to absorb the news. Unfortunately, there is no time for that. Our guest speaker has arrived. Please welcome Dr. Kew, our Director of Science and Technology.

The camera focuses Dr. Kew, a tall, bespectacled Neptunian male with snow white hair. He is wearing a white lab coat, with all the trimmings. He strides to the podium.

DR KEW: (Tapping Microphone) (Speaking with a slight English accent) Is this thing on? (Kraken nods) Right. Newest agents of the GIA, welcome to the family. I call you family because we must be a family or we will perish. You are entering a noble profession, one which will help protect our Galaxy from our enemies. As the head of Science and Technology, which we call "S & T," I pledge that we will do everything to equip you with the best equipment to help you do that job safely. As you leave you will be issued the new GIA Mark XII Wristamajigy. Please, pay attention to the briefing on how to use it! You do not want to accidentally activate the Neutron Laser in a crowded area. (Looking uncomfortable) I am not much on long speeches. Good luck out there. (Smiling) Now, let's get on with the task of issuing each of you a Mark XII.



FINAL SCENE: The Planet Express Crew is gathered around the conference table, except for Leela. Then, Leela walks into the room.

FRY: Leela! How did your vacation go?

LEELA: Relaxing.

AMY: Something looks different, were you working out?

LEELA: Well, there wasn't much else to do.

AMY: You got a new Wristamajigy! It looks like the latest fashion. Leela, I'm surprised…you never cared about fashion before!

Leela gives Amy an irritated look.

HERMES: People, we need to start the meeting. Item One, Fry's application for vacation next week is approved. During Fry's vacation, we will have to hire a temporary delivery boy.

BENDER: Just great! Now I'll have to break in a new sausage link!

HERMES: Item Two, somebody has been getting rid of the owls around here, apparently by eating them.

ZOIDBERG: Hooray, Zoidberg is useful!

HERMES: So it's you, you windy barnacle! Make sure you put the bones in the trash from now on.

ZOIDBERG: Oh the trash, right!

Suddenly, the Professor comes from the direction of the lab…obviously excited.

PROFESSOR: Good news everyone!

ALL: Groan!

PROFESSOR: We have a delivery of waffle irons to the Batter Planet.

LEELA: Professor, how are we supposed to land? There is no solid land.

PROFESSOR: What?? Oh, that's what you get paid to figure out. Stop bothering me!

HERMES: Well, people. Let's get busy.

The crew rises and heads for the PE Ship.