"It's gone!" said Farnsworth as he led the others to the lab. "Substance F is gone!"
Inside the laboratory, everything looks the same, except for the lack of Substance F's presence.
"There's no sign of any forced entry" said Leela. "So who could have taken it?"
"Now don't worry" said Farnsworth, "I still have the secret formula. I'll just make up a new batch with it."
He logs onto the computer and searches for the file, but can't.
"Where did it go?!" cried a frantic Farnsworth.
No one notices a smirk appear on Gordon's face, which quickly disappears.
"This day just keeps getting more and more unusual" said Bender. "First we get a new co-worker who doesn't talk, then a plant monster grows inside the laboratory, then the Omnicrons invade Earth, and now the professor has lost his invention."
"You're all suspects!" said Farnsworth as he angrily faced everyone and pointed an accusing finger. "All of you!"
"Including you professor!" said Fry.
"Me?!" said a shocked Farnsworth. "Why would I steal my own invention?!"
"To collect the insurance!" said Leela.
"Nonsense!" said Farnsworth. "Insurance Fraud is a crime. It should only be committed by those who love prison food! Besides the policy is hanging on that wall over there."
"What policy?" asked Amy.
"Huh?" asked Farnsworth as he faces the wall where he had hung the policy, only to be met by a blank spot where it used to hang.
Suddenly, everyone hears a tearing sound. They turn to face Gordon who is standing several feet away, shredding the policy with his hands.
"Gordon?!" cried Farnsworth, "what are you doing?!"
As usual, GOrdon doesn't say a word as he lets the torn remains of the policy fall to the floor.
"Oh my god!" said Farnsworth. "It was you Gordon! You stole my discovery! You must be a spy sent by my rival Wernstrom!"
"That's crazy professor!" said Leela.
"Watch your blood pressure!" said Fry.
"Shut up! All of you shut up!" said Farnsworth. He turns to face Gordon and points a finger at him. "Gordon Freeman, you're fired! You're a failure as a lab assistant!"
"That's where you're wrong professor!" a mysterious voice spoke out.
Everyone turns to face the door to the laboratory as it slides open. Out of the darkness stepped a man dressed in a blue suit carrying a black briefcase. He approaches the group and stops several yards away.
Fry's mouth drops open in shock. He recognized this guy. It was the same stranger he had seen reflected in the glass of the containment chamber where Gordon had fought Audrey.
(Note from the author: Those who have played the games in the Half-Life series will know who this stranger is.)
"Gordon Freeman hasn't failed" said the G-man. "He's only done exactly as he was meant to do."
"Who the heck are you?!" asked Bender.
"Ah, how rude of me not to properly introduce myself" said Briefcase Bastard. "Employees and crewmembers of Planet Express, in the flesh. So we meet at last. Please don't be upset if I've been avoiding you. I've been keeping myself out of sight watching each of you."
"Avoiding us?" asked Leela.
"Watching us?" asked Amy.
"Wait a minute!" said Fry. "Yes! Wait a minute! I've seen you before! You were standing behind me when Gordon fought Audrey!"
"Now see here sir!" said Farnsworth pointing an accusing finger at old Briefcase Bastard. "You can't just barge into my laboratory like you own the place!"
"Please, spare me the details Farnsworth" said the G-man. "Do you honestly believe Gordon Freeman would have achieved everything he did today had I not been in control of the situation one hundred percent the whole time? I doubt it! And I must say, he's done quite well for himself here."
"Huh?!" gasped everyone.
"Wha...what are you talking about?" asked Amy.
"Not that I wish to imply you've all been deceived" said the G-man, "but..."
He smiled a pleasant smirk. "...apparently you have been."
With his free hand, the G-man adjusts his tie and smooths the wrinkles from his suit.
"The truth is dozens of people applied for the position of laboratory assistant, but the reason why you only saw Gordon's resume, which I wrote and left out many important details, was that I destroyed them all before you had a chance to see them."
"You?!" gasped everyone.
"Yes, but with good reason" said the G-man. "How could you all have been so blind and oblivious to the fact that the whole time he was here, Gordon Freeman has been doing a little undercover work?"
Our favorite crew turn to face Gordon Freeman in shock.
"Undercover?!" asked Hermes. "You mean like spying?!"
"Precisely" said Briefcase Bastard.
"Gordon! Say it isn't so!" said Fry.
Gordon rolls his eyes back in his sockets in exasperation. Another comic style bubble appears over his head.
"Don't these people get it?! I can't talk!"
"Well done Freeman" said the G-man. "Once again, you've proved yourself a resource that simply cannot be tossed away, a man who always does the job he was assigned to, carrying it out with extreme efficiency, just like I had asked him to."
The gang turn to face the G-man. "So this was all your doing?!" asked Leela.
The G-man only smiles in response.
For several moments, there is nothing but silence...until finally.
"What a mean rotten trick!" said Fry clenching his fists at his side.
"You a very bad man!" said Hermes.
"I challenge you to Claw-Plaque!" said Zoidberg clicking his claws.
"I'm gonna kill you Briefcase Bastard!" said Bender.
The G-man only chuckles. "You all have no idea what you're dealing with, do you? I come from a world far beyond your comprehension. And even if it was possible for you to harm me, this still cannot be done, not without the means to do so. You see, I've already taken the liberty to relieve each of you of your weapons."
"Huh?!" gasped everyone. They check for their sidearms, only to find them missing.
"After all" said the G-man, "they were government property."
Nibbler leaps at the G-man, but Gordon steps in front of his employer and swings his crowbar. There's a sickening crunch as Nibbler is sent flying, right into the professor's equipment.
"Nibble!" cried Leela.
"My lab!" cried Farnsworth.
"Nice work Gordon" said the G-man.
Gordon steps back from his employer.
"Now," Briefcase Bastard continued, "perhaps I should explain why I'm here. Gordon all along has been on assignment for me. His assignment? It all revolved around Substance F."
"My discovery?!" cried Farnsworth.
"Are you aware of the darkside of your creation?" asked the G-man. "If left out in the sunlight, Substance F can give off enormous amounts of dangerous energy. Too much can result in the destruction of the solar system."
"Oh my god" said Farnworth. "I had no idea."
"What about Audrey?" asked Leela.
"I had no idea my creation was so powerful" said Farnsworth.
"Therefore, I sent Freeman to confiscate it" said the G-man. "I have already taken the neccessary steps to ensure it's disposal. Gordon has also erased the secret formula. Through his actions, the universe has been spared an early demise."
The G-man faces Gordon. "Come along now Mr. Freeman. Your work here is done. We're leaving now."
A green swirling portal materializes before Gordon who steps in.
"I do apologize for deceiving you all" said the G-man, "but it had to be done. For what good would Mr. Freeman's services be if there was no universe, and no need for him? The right man in the wrong place can make all the difference in the world."
The G-man adjusts his tie and smooths the wrinkles from his suit. "For now, this is where I get off. And Farnsworth, have you given any consideration to a career change? It would do the world a whole lot of good."
Briefcase Bastard steps into the portal following Gordon and disappears. The portal vanishes, leaving no evidence of its existence.
The crew stand there, awestruck.
"Who could have foreseen that Substance F would be powerful enough to destroy all creation?" asked Farnsworth.
"In that case" said Leela who cradled Nibbler in her arms, "I'm glad Gordon has come to us."
"You said it" said Fry. "Maybe someday we'll see him again."
Beyond time and space...
"Excellent job Mr. Freeman. Once again, you've proved yourself a decisive man who has shown that he can do anything. For now Gordon, I must take my leave, don't worry though. When the time comes again, I shall return."
Conciousness slips away from Freeman as he is once again put into stasis.
The G-man fades out of this realm, leaving Freeman to himself.
Subject: Gordon Freeman
Status: Assignment Complete. Further assignments should follow.
Farnsworth watches as "The End" appears on the screen of his What-If machine.
"So that's what would have happened it I had discovered a new element. Oh well, I guess some things just weren't meant to be created. But next time, I will wipe the floor at the Nobel Prize institute with Wernstrom! I swear it, even if it's the last thing I do!"