Fan Fiction

The One Free Man, Part 1
By Dwayne Anderson

Part 1

"Eureka!" cried Farnsworth one morning. "I've done it! This is the greatest discovery I've made in the history of my life!"

"I thought your life was history" said Bender. (drumroll and rimshot)

"You have no idea, do you, what I've just discovered!" said Farnsworth. "I've created a new substance which I keep in my laboratory! I call it Substance F, short for Farnsworth. I've named it after myself you know. Substance F shall change the world!"

In the meeting room, the crew sat around the table as the professor shared news of his discovery.

"Substance F is absolutely amazing! A tiny droplet on a houseplant turned the entire room into a steaming jungle! It took me two days to remove all those vines and plants after this experiment."

"With this discovery" said Leela, "you could rebuild the planet's rainforests."

"It still needs more testing as it's too powerful" said Farnsworth. "In fact, a position of lab assistant is available. I've already posted an ad in the paper today."

He placed a copy of the morning paper on the table. "Here" he said pointing to an ad, "here it is."

"Help Wanted, Lab Assistant to Hubert Farnsworth. Submit resume to Planet Express."

"With Substance F, I'll win a Nobel Prize in science! Eat your heart out Wernstrom!" said Farnsworth.

Hours later, Farnsworth checked the mail. Nothing.

"I don't understand" he said to everyone in the meeting room. "So far, no one has applied to the position. Should I update the ad?"

"Did you mention the salary?" asked Hermes. "No one will work for free!"

"I'm a scientist!" said Farnsworth, "not a businessman!"

"Well you run the company" said Hermes.

"And you do pay us" said Zoidberg.

"Of course I'm offering a salary!" said Farnsworth. "And a good health plan to go with it!"

Suddenly, everyone heard the door to the building open. Then came footsteps. Then silence. Then more footsteps. Then the door opening and closing again. Nothing more.

Everyone ran into the front hall. On the table, was a paper.

"Finally!" said Farnsworth. "Someone has applied for the position."

He picked up the paper and read the resume.

"Hmmm, very interesting" he said. "We must arrange an interview with this...Gordon Freeman?"

In a far off place, beyond time and space...

"Rise and shine Mr. Freeman. Rise and shine."

Conciousness returned.

"These are interesting times Mr. Freeman. An opportunity has arisen for you to once again offer your services for the good of your species."

Standing in front of Mr. Freeman, was a man clad in a blue suit, carrying a briefcase, a man he knew as his employer.

"So, wake up Mr. Freeman, once again, humanity is in need of your services. I've arranged for an interview between you and Planet Express for a position of laboratory assistant. It seems that Hubert Farnsworth has created something that has perked my interest and concern. Your assignment: find it."

Reality began to shift from blackness, into a hall of Planet Express. His employer began to vanish into thin air.

"Good luck Mr. Freeman. I wish you the best of luck."

Outside the door, Mr. Freeman heard a voice.

"That must be him! Come in Mr. Freeman."

Mr. Freeman opened the door and stepped into the room, clad in a white suit.

"Sit down" said Farnsworth.

Freeman sat down into the chair across from the sofa.

"According to your resume, your name is Gordon Freeman, you're a graduate of MIT. Why don't you tell me a little bit about yourself."

Gordon Freeman, known for being a silent protagonist, doesn't say a word.

"Man of few words aren't you?" asked Farnsworth.

Gordon doesn't speak.

"Make that man of no words" said Farnsworth. (drumroll and rimshot)

"I understand that from reading your resume, you once worked at Black Mesa. Tell me about it."

Once again, Gordon doesn't speak.

"You don't say" said Farnsworth.

Gordon remains silent.

"You don't say" said Farnsworth.

Still nothing from Gordon.

"Say, you don't say much!" said Farnsworth. "Well, since no one else seems to be interested in this position, what the hell. You're hired! Welcome aboard Mr. Freeman. Everyone else around here talks too much. It's about time someone here kept his mouth shut! Let me introduce you to your fellow employees."

Farnsworth enters the meeting room.

"Here he is everyone!" he said. "Let me introduce you to the newest addition to Planet Express! Mr. Gordon Freeman himself!"

A man clad in a white suit, with brown hair, a matching goatee, and wearing glasses steps into the meeting room.

Everyone is silent, awestruck at meeting their new co-worker.

"Welcome aboard!" Zoidberg finally breaks the silence.

"Great to have you here!" said Fry.

Gordon rolls his eyeballs up. A white bubble, similar to one seen in comics appears over his head with the following words in it:

"Should I tell these people I can't talk?"

... To Be Continued