Fan Fiction

By Mitch

Futurama created by Matt Groening. Developed by Matt Groening and David X. Cohen. Owned by 20th Century Fox. Used without permission.

"It's quieter here than I expected," stated a young woman of Chinese decent to her companion, a taller one-eyed woman with purple hair.

"That's because people are more concerned with peacock than anything else these days," the one-eyed woman answered, "most of the people here now are probably doing regular grocery shopping."

Turanaga Leela and Amy Wong were looking around the poultry section of the supermarket "Big Spender".

It was late November in the year 3003 and they couldn't locate what they were after. A fairly young man with blond hair dressed as an employee come to them.

"Hello. I'm Randy. May I help you two with something?"

"Yes," answered Leela, "We're looking for a peacock."

"...You're kidding, right?" Randy seemed very confused.

"No, why do say that?"

"Well, I'm sorry, but with Thanksgivin' coming, we've been sold out for a month. People wanted to get it and their pumpkins in one swoop in October."

"But aren't there any peacocks in stock?" asked Amy.

In the stock room, they found plenty of frozen poultry hanging from hooks, but no peacock.

"There should be at least one," said Leela.

Just then, a familiar, wrinkled, petite, elderly woman in a pink dress entered.

"Excuse me. I have a peacock reserved under the name 'Hatti'."

"Oh, yes. Of course."

Randy handed Hattie a peacock that was in the corner. Leela and Amy groaned in defeat.

In the meeting room of Planet Express, the interplanetary delivery company the two woman worked at, Amy and Leela were using the company's computer to search for peacocks.

"If only we weren't already saving three peacocks exclusively for Zoidberg..."

"Remember last year and the year before that, Amy"?

"Oh, yeah. And before you, Fry, and Bender joined us, he would eat some of the table..."

"Before we joined, what happened?" said a voice at the entrance.

The women turned their heads. Their co-workers Philip Fry, delivery boy, and Bender, an amoral robot, had entered the room.

"Hey, Fry, Bender," greeted Leela, "That was just Amy being nostalgic. Anyway, we're looking for a peacock."

"I still say we can take the ones held for Zoidberg..."

"No, we won't Bender!" declared Leela, "this year, we'll all have enough."

"Fine! Let's see if I can give thanks about you this year for the annual Thanksgivin'!"

"You haven't done that on our previous years."

"Well, I didn't think I'd be working here this long! What about you, Fry?"

"Well, I was thinking of giving thanks about Le..."

"I meant about working here! Oh, never mind. My only need for peacock is to cook one for you guys, but you never appreciate my style!"

The others looked a bit guilty. Being a robot, Bender had no sense of taste, so it made him a poor judge of what humans wanted to, or could, eat. Still, although it was hard to disguise it, they had shown their disgust.

"Why don't we do what I always suggest?" asked Fry.

"Fry," said Leela gently, "believe me, even after just a couple of years having something from Fishy Joe's for Thanksgivin', you realize it just isn't the same."

Less than a year ago, Leela would have been more harsh to Fry on such matters, but after he saved her on Valentine's Day, she had decided to give him more slack, and they had more in common that she used to admit.

"I guess your right," agreed Fry, smiling a little.

"Wait. I think I found something!" declared Amy, "You know how that TV network has used live peacocks as their mascots for the past 500 years?"

"You mean the one that"s hard to pronounce? 'Nibsck'?"

"Uh, yeah," said Amy, wondering if she should tell Fry it was a three-letter acronym, "Anyway, they just sold the rights to that image, and the latest peacock itself, to a network in Tokyo, Japan."

"I guess I'm the one in the least hurry," said Amy sadly, "my parents and Kif won't be coming. They're at this banquet for VIPs on the Nimbus, and guess who the waiter is."

Kif Kroker looked down at his waiter uniform, then to the tray in his hand, and sighed. Zapp Branigan, his captain, was really kissing up this year to keep his status as a beloved celebrity as well as an officer for the Democratic Order of Planets. He had invited quite an impressive assembly of guests for "his" Thanksgivin' party, although Kif did all the cooking, serving, and cleaning. There was the robot actor Calculon, the robot comedian and talk show host Humorbot 5.0, the famous Neptunian cook Elzar, news anchor Linda, and the wealthy Theo and Inez Wong, the parents of his beloved Amy.

Kif was now in the process of serving the before dinner drinks, which Zapp usually had him serve alone. The guests greeted him politely, but his years of doing this had drained the life out of him on this day. Then, he approached the Wongs and tried to look cheerful. He had long wanted to win their favor or, at least, their approval, so they would at least tolerate him dating their daughter.

"Greetings, Mr. And Mrs. Wong. I trust you are enjoying yourselves today?"

"Hey, look Theo. It's Amy's squishy boyfriend."

"Oh, yeah," said Theo unenthusiastically, "You know, it good to see you."


"Yeah. It good to see you without Amy! Ha ha ha!"

As they took their drinks, Kif slunk away.

The Planet Express delivery ship, due to the limited space for hover car or ship parking, landed in Tokyo Bay. The crew then took a bus to the TV Station. As they walked through the corridors, they discussed their strategy.

"So, we'll talk to the guards nicely to let us in and then tell the owners of our plight."

"How about we resort to violence?"

"I don't want to. Well, maybe if they're being rude, I'll intimidate them."

"Sheesh, Leela! What about my idea?"

"No way."

They approached the office of the owners.with two well built guards in front.

"Excuse us, but may we see your bosses?"

"We were informed that they are not expecting any visitors today."

"Look, it won't even take five minutes."

"We are sorry ma'am, but no."

"This is worse than I thought," Leela whispered to her friends, "they're too polite for me to respond violently to."

"-sigh- I'll go," said Amy.

Amy walked up to the guards with a curve in her walk.

"Pardon me," she said to the guards in a rather low and sweet voice, "but we really need to see your bosses. You wouldn't want to see me without a peacock, would you?"

She fluttered her eyes a few times with that last statement.

The guards seemed a little more nervous.

"By the way," said Amy in her usual tone, "my father is one of the major investors in this station."

"Amy Wong? In that case, welcome. The owners would not mind a visit from the Wong daughter and her friends."

As they walked in the now open door, Leela whispered to Amy.

"Wouldn't your dad invest in a TV network in China?"

"Oh, he throws his money all over the place."

"That's true, Mr. Brannigan," said Theo over his drink, "I do throw my money all over the place!"

"In that case, why don't you start investing in the D.O.O.P.'s new literacy program for aspiring cadets?"

"Should not they already know how to read already?"

"Look, we can't spend money on everything! Except for this meal, that is."

"Oh, Mr. Brannigan! The peacock is good enough to shut down for! Oh! And the stuffing!" said Calculon melodramatically.

"Indeed," said Humorbot 5.0 in a monotone voice, "the-stuffing-is-exceptional. File-of-better-yams-not-found."

"There's only one kind I've tasted better," said Elzar, "and it was mine!"

"Mmm! Yummers!" responded Linda, "too bad my co-anchor Morbo is having Thanksgivin' with his family."

"They have it on his planet?"

"Yes, but it's different there."

"And now, the time to harvest, young ones!"

Morbo's many offspring chased the frightened wild peacock across the countryside, with a hungry look in their eyes and droll pouring from their sharp-toothed mouths.

"Isn't it time to give customary thanks?" asked Linda.

"Hmmm? Oh, yes. Go ahead," said Zapp, halfheartedly, apparently more interested in his meal than with thanks.

"Alright. I am thankful for my wife Inez, daughter Amy, prize winning buggalo heard, mass fortune, and Zapp's dinner."

"Same here," said Inez, "but with Theo's name in place of mine. Calculon?"

"I am thankful for my talent, carrer, acres of money, and the fact that, being a robot, I'll never have to worry about my show outliving me! Humorbot?"

"I-am-thankful-for-my-mother, my-new-baby, and-the-celeberty-scandals-and-surprising-policies-that-give-me-material-for-monologues. Elzar?"

"I'm thankful for my cookbook sales, my ratings, and some bunch of weirdoes who show up in my restaurant regularly. Linda?"

"I'm thankful for my makeup artist, my ratings, Morbo's humor, and the fact that almost every tragic story we cover isn't in our town! Zapp?"

"Well, I'm thankful for my rank, my skill, my occasional encounters with the sexy Captain Leela, and my cooking talent!"

"Here, here!" announced the celebrities with their glasses in the air.

Once again, Zapp was taking the credit for Kif's meal. He had done so for so many years that it didn't hurt Kif's pride very much at all. Still, Kif was glad he did his usual duties this morning, giving him the rest of the day off after the meal.

He finished eating quickly and went to his quarters, one of the only places that kept him happy, due to his many pictures of Amy.

On Earth, the Planet Express crew were facing two well dressed and friendly network executives.

"And we'll offer a fair price for your peacock. Double, no, triple the price of what that network sold it to you for."

"Where will we get the money?" asked Fry in a whisper, "the Professor is still paying damages from our last delivery!"

"We'll charge it to Amy's parents."


"Thank you for the generous offer, but we regret to inform you that it has already been sold."

"To whom?"

"Our agreement was to make it confidential."

"Please?" Amy asked in a sweet voice as she stroked her hair back.

"Er, very well. I suppose we can tell this much. It was a dealer at the Galactic Bazaar."

Kif couldn't relax in his quarters. The pictures of Amy around him were reminding him of her parents' distaste in him. It was as if she was just out of reach.

Too depressed to stay, he decided to go to the Holo-Shed. There, simulations of Amy would keep him happy.

The Galactic Bazaar was as run down as ever. It was also as noisy as many individuals of multiple species talked to the various vendors at their respective outlets. The Planet Express crew looked around, trying to find a vendor with a peacock. Suddenly, they found one: TAME PEACOCK EXPECTATION

"There's nothing in that title I don't understand," said Fry enthusiastically. Then, he looked serious, "there has to be a catch."

They entered and found the booth to be covered with peacocks, mostly live ones in cages or in rings cock-fighting each other.

"Cool!" said Bender, "we can take whichever one we want and then...!"

"No!" protested Leela, "we'll take one that already isn't alive!"

"Awww! You take all the fun out of cooking!"

An quadrupedal being entered the room from the back office. He had scales, webbed talons, squinted eyes, and wore a Hawaiian shirt.

"Hello! I'm Quincy. What can I do for you?"

"You could stand up so you could face us when you're talkin'!" said Bender.

"Sir, I'm four-legged."

"Oh! Like, that's an excuse! I was told I don't count as a sentient being, but that didn't stop me!"

Leela sighed. She wished that they could go somewhere without Bender embarrassing them.

"Look, we're after a particular peacock: white body, red, orange, yellow, and green tail feathers, in that order."

"Ah! Sorry, but I sold it this morning."

"To whom?"

"I shouldn't give away that information..."

Amy was clearing her throat when Leela stepped in front of her.

"Leave this one to me," she whispered.

She walked up to the salesman with a curve in her stance.

"Pardon me," she said in a low voice, "but we really want that peacock."

The salesman gulped.

"Okay, it was the Robot Mafia!"

As they turned to leave, Leela noticed a mean look from Amy.

"Well, why should you have all the fun?" said Leela coyly.

Behind her, Leela happened to hear the salesman saying, "You're a lucky humanoid."

She turned and saw he was talking to Fry.

"I wish," said Fry, regretfully, "to her, I'm just a crewmember with a crush."

"I'm not too certain that's all you are to her," said the salesman as he crawled away.

Theo was looking for the bathroom and Zapp had told him there was a nice one next to Kif's room. He thought he had found it when he realized that he was in Kif quarters.and he saw the pictures. Theo stood there, wide-eyed for a while.

"Theo? Where you at?"

Theo could sense his wife looking at him right after he heard her voice.

"There you are! I found a public bathroom and..."

She saw the pictures and was equally amazed.

"Remember when I had all those pictures of you?"

"Yes. And then I threatened to call the police!"

"You know, he has a fraction as many pictures of Amy as we do."

They stood there, still facing the photographs with arms around each other.

They almost missed a certain green man coming in.

"Oh! Er, Mr. And Mrs. Wong! Er..."

They turned to him with stern looks in their eyes. That look turned to a more sympathetic look.

"You...love her, don't you?" asked Inez.

"Yes, more than life itself! I admit, my life is not a good example, but you get the idea."

Theo sighed. He looked at Inez. She nodded, guessing what he was about to say.

"Good luck with that!"

Inez elbowed Theo.

"Ouch! I mean...well, we don't want Amy to suffer either..and this place does feel...not so natural..."

Inez sighed and rolled her eyes.

"Lt. Kroker? Wanna escort us to Earth to see Amy?"

Kif's face lit up.

"Mrs. Wong? You mean it?"

She slowly nodded. Kif came up to them and hugged them both...and the same time.

"How can I repay you?"

"Let go and stop crying!"

At Fronty's Meat Market, the secret headquarters of the Robot Mafia, the crew carefully planned their next move. Then, they realized that time was short and went with their back-up plan.

"Okay, we'll go in and axe politely."

"Why don't we just go 24th century on them?"

"They have guns and we didn't bring any. Besides, Amy's buying."

"Me? Why?!"

"You're the one with the money. Now, let's go in."

The cashier was on her break, so they entered the back door easily. They noticed the Donbot and his associates, Clamps and Joey Mousepad counting multiple wads of cash.

"Quite an impressive amount of money we have acquired."

"Yeah, boss," agreed Joey Mousepad, "but wouldn't we make more by committing crimes than just relying on our meat sales?"

"I can't wait to clamp someone! Why won't you let me give someone the clamps?!"

Leela led her friends into the room.

"Hi! We understand that you just got a certain peacock!"

"You mean the tainted one?"

"No! The network one!"

"Oh! That one. What about it? Is it tainted?"

"No! We want to buy it!"

"Buy it? Well, we wuz gonna cut it and sell the pieces separately, but all right."

"Great! How much for it?"

"How much you got?"


"Okay, we'll settle for two grand."

"$2000? That's robbery!"

"That's the point. We're crooks."

"Look, how about $500?"

"Well, my generosity circuit is on this time of year. Okay."


"Uh, I only brought $200."

Leela searched her wallet. "Um, how's $400 sound?"

"How about $90 more?" asked Fry, after pulling out his own money.

"You disrespect me by bringing down the price."

"Okay. Here's $10."

All eyes were on Bender.

"What? I can't be generous on occasion?"

"Well, if you can call that 'generous'", criticized Leela.

Back at the office, Bender, with chief hat and apron, enthusiastically rubbed his hands together as he saw the coveted peacock on the kitchen stove. He would have fun with this. The best part was that they usually served Zoidberg's peacock's still frozen.

Then, he heard the automatic door open. Fry, Leela, and Amy appeared.

"Bender, would you like some help?"

"Help? A master like myself doesn't need help! Although...it would be nice to have three extra sets of hands..."

The others started to look enthusiastic.

"And since the Professor keeps fallin' asleep before he can finish making new hands for me, I guess I'll let you help. Y'know, so you can learn from the best!"

Fry, Leela, and Amy decided to help Bender with the cooking because they figured that this, of all days, was one where they should have a decent meal.

A couple of hours later, the four were proud of their accomplishment and eagerly took it to the conference room, since their meeting room table was larger than the one in the kitchen.

Their respective families were already sitting at that table. This included Hermes' wife and son, LaBarbra and Dwight, Leela's parents Munda and Morris, the Professor's son Cubert, and three unexpected but welcome guests.

"Mom! Dad! Kif! You're here! How...?"

"You're parents axed me to escort them back. They talked Zapp into letting me off early! Aren't they wonderful?"

"Yeah, yeah. We all love Amy and all that," said Theo.

"Let's eat already!" declared Inez.

The meeting table was set and all were ready.

"Leela? It's your turn to start."

"Oh, okay. Well, I'm thankful for us getting a peacock, for Amy and myself being better friends than we were in the past, and...for Fry saving my life earlier this year."

Fry blushed at that.

"Well, I'm thankful for Leela warming up to me this year, still surviving everything we go through, and for my fossilized dog, Seymour."

"Uh, we've been using him as a doorstop, Fry," said Hermes.

"Well, I'm still thankful to have him. Bender?"

"I...guess I'm thankful for you guys saving me earlier and...forbeingmyfriendsandstuff."

"What was that?"

"Ah, interpret it the way you wanna. Amy?"

"Well, I'm thankful for Kif, my parents' money, my parents, you guys, and girls' night at the pub."

"And Zoidberg is thankful for..."

"No time! Let's just eat!"

"Awww! Wait, we eat? Hurray!"

After dinner, Leela, LaBarbra, Inez, Munda, Amy, and Kif found themselves alone in the lounge. Most of the boys were watching death sports on the large TV. Kif preferred staying with Amy. The others' didn't mind their husbands cheering on the televised carnage. But Leela, even now, felt envious.

At least everyone in this room has someone, she thought.

"I need some air", she said out loud as she left. She went to the roof and breathed in the night air.

"Nice out here, isn't it?" asked a familiar voice behind her.

She turned to the direction of the voice. Fry was there, smiling.

"The game wasn't exciting me. You okay?"

Leela turned back to the view, but found herself smiling a little.

"Pretty good now."

She looked toward the city.

"Nice night. It's a shame that we have to hide ourselves a month from now from Robot Santa."

"Yeah. If only we could escape..."

"Escape? I hate to break it to you Fry, but Robot Santa goes around the whole...solar...system."

Leela surprised even herself some as she turned around and kissed Fry on the cheek!

"Wow! I don't know what that was for, but I hope it wasn't ironic."

"Fry, you just saved Xmas!"

"I did?"

"Yeah! After the game, we'll make our plans! Fry, you've given us the greatest gift of all, an Xmas with out fear!"

With that, she enthusiastically ran into the building.

Fry shook his head in wonder.

"What? We have a way to escape the solar system? I mean, I know we have an intergalactic spaceship, but...oh!"