Fan Fiction

A Stupid Proposal
By Mattybwoy

Murdoch: Morning, all. My name is Mr. Murdoch, and I hear that we need to cancel out our best show and replace it with one that sucks. I have come forward to help you deciding which show will go and which one shall stay.

It would seem that many are talking about The Simpsons. I hate the show, I want to watch Songs Of Praise. So, maybe that would be a good show to take away? Then we can watch Songs Of Praise daily. Though many think there would be an uproar, and I'd probably get killed.

Judge Grushow: What a splendid idea! A daily dose of Songs Of Praise for everyone! Though I don't think Simpsons should be cancelled, why don't we pick a show that's really popular, and is about to reach an epic finale that would make us a hellloada money!

Murdoch: Yes! Wonderful! But which one?

Judge Grushow: Hmmm. Futurama? Goosebumps? The Flinstones?

Murdoch: We don't even air Flinstones.

Judge Grushow: Exactly! We won't get swarms of hate mail!

Murdoch: They don't even do new episodes any more, Sandy. Same with Goosebumps. So what about Futurama? Everyone loves Futurama, let's cancel that!

Judge Grushow: Yes! Perfect! And... who's moving about in the back row?

Planet Express: Us!!!

Murdoch: Oh, hell.

Judge Grushow: What are you lot wanting?

Leela: We object!

Murdoch: To what?

Fry: To you lot cancelling our show, smart ass!

Judge Grushow: Fine. Sit down here. We will see what you have to say

Now, what have you got to say?

Leela: Our show has gotta be the best damn show on your channel!

Murdoch: But your show is on it's last few episodes anyway!

Bender: Exactly! You can fit in a few more episodes, right?

Judge Grushow: But if we show a new episode every week, that comes to eight weeks!

Fry: So? And anyway, your ratings go down if you put Songs Of Praise on instead of us! I'm so close to achieving my goals!

Judge Grushow: Are you close to achieving, you know... (nods in Leelas direction).

Fry: Hell yeah! And yesterday I fitted four pool balls in my mouth! One more and that's one of my goals!

Murdoch: What about saving the universe?

That's what I'm trying to do now!

Leela: And more to the point, if you cancel our show, we'll kill your asses!

Judge Grushow: But that's impossible, we'll have cancelled you out.

Bart Simpson: But I'll kick your ass for cancelling one of my favourite shows!

Marge Simpson: Bart! You know I don't approve of that language. (stands up) You cancel that show, we'll get our police force to pop a cap right up your ass, freakholes! We'll be kicking your ass so hard it'll turn inside out and come out your feaking mouth, smart ass!

Homer Simpson: That's the Marge I married!

Judge Grushow: (after a short silence) Your police force are cack! What can they do? We can get The Jetsons to kill ya! They hate Futurama because it's more popular than them!

Bart Simpson: But The Jetsons don't even appear on your cruddy channel!

Leela: Besides, The Simpsons can blow The Jetsons' asses apart!

Murdoch: (almost crying) Don't say that word!

Bender: What? Ass?

Murdoch: Don't say it!

Bender: Ass ass ass ass ass! Asshole! Smart ass! Dumb ass! Ass ass ass!

Murdoch: (almost breaking down) Going back to what I was saying... if it would... please... the court, I wish to... cancel out... Futurama...

Lisa Simpson: Oh, I've heard enough of this! Someone take them down!

(the whole courtroom gets up except for Murdoch and Grushow. They are advancing towards the evil duo, then...)

Judge Grushow: Send in the troops!

(a whole loada troops come marching in and start shooting. Fry gets up.)

Frys mind: Remember... the bullets aren't real...

(Fry holds his hand up)

Fry: Stop.

(the bullets don't stop. They hit him in the leg)

Leela: (looks at Fry, then at the troops.) You just made a big mistake.

(she jumps up onto the wall. She runs about on it for a few seconds, then jumps off, landing on the troops shoulders, dislocating them)

Leela: Ass hole!

(after a while, the troops are sent out, bruised beyond belief.)

Leela: Now then. Are you gonna cancel our show?

Murdoch: Yes.

Leela: Crud.

Murdoch: Sit back down. You lot have done enough objecting.

Now, let's see. The show is about to reach a grand finale, that would make us loads of money. It already makes us a hell load of money, so that means we could get hundreds of thousands of dollars if we keep Futurama going!

Judge Grushow: Yes, that's a very good point. Yes... we should cancel it out!

Murdoch: Yes!!! Yes!!! YES!!! And while we're at it, let's get rid of the best website there is! Make everyone miserable! It's my mates favourite site! Let's get rid of it!

Judge Grushow: You mean XXX Web?

Murdoch: I could never do that! I mean The Leela Zone!

Leela: You're gonna get rid of the best website dedicated to me?

Judge Grushow: Yep. To make you feel better, we'll get rid of The Fry Hole, The Empty Zoid Of Space, Ain't No Such Thing As Too Much Amy Wong and One And Only Bender!

Bender: Bite my shiny metal...

Murdoch: Yeah, shut up.

Bender: ...ass.

(Murdoch runs out of the room, sobbing)

Judge Grushow: So, it is decided. If I keep your show on the air, I am safe?

Leela: (behind Grushow, holding up a butcher knife) I wouldn't say that...

Moral of story: The bullets are real. The only use of holding up your hand when someone shoots is to protect your body. But that doesn't work either.