Futurama

Fan Fiction

SpyOrama X: On His Robot Santa's Secret List
By Fryfan

I don't own Futurama or any of its characters. (But their spy counterparts were my creation.)


SpyOrama Main Title: SpyOrama X

Mission Title - On His Robot Santa's Secret List

 

Spy Tip #4: If fighting two loosely dressed, sexy female fighters, it is good to get it on in the pool.

(This is SpyOrama X or SpyOrama10, the X just makes sound cool. This story takes place after "The Bot With the Golden Chip".)

 

(Opening Scene. Some cave like hide-out. We see a few insect-like aliens. They are dressed like the Terrorists from True Lies. They are armed and it looks like they are buying something from someone.)

Alien Terrorist1: Do you have the stuff? (A dark figure comes forward and it is H. G. Blob, only he has an eye-patch on his right eye.)

Blob: I have the weapons of mass destruction, but do you have the payment?

Alien Terrorist2: Here, (Offers Mr. Blob a chest of jewels.) the finest jewels of Libra 3.

Blob: (Slimes his way over and drools slime as he uses his tentacles to feel the jewels.) You Librans sure pay a lot just for WMDs.

Alien Terrorist1: We do whatever it takes to make those Earthicans pay for what they've done to our planet.

Alien Terrorist3: Those pigs criticize our ways of life.

Alien Terrorist1: But once we use these WMDs on Earth cities, we will convince the Earth Government to stay out of our business.

Alien Terrorist2: Like having our women solely take care of our many children and not letting them have an education.

(Alien Terrorists laugh, but one Terrorist isn't laughing. This one is wearing a cloth over his face, but when he takes it off, it turns out to be Leela. She pulls out a laser gun.)

Leela: Freeze!

Blob: It's a DOOP agent.

Leela: Mr. Blob, I can't believe you are at it again.

Blob: Hey, I have to pay my cable and phone bills like everyone else.

Leela: By the power of the DOOP, you all are under arrest for the selling and buying of WMDs.

Alien Terrorist1: I don't think so. (Pulls out a laser gun and starts firing. Leela manages to dodge every beam and front kicks the terrorist. The other two try to jump her, but she manages to punch one in the face and then drop kicks the other in the ribs. Mr. Blob, having seen this tries to runs away but is met with Fry.)

Fry: Alright Mr. Blob, prepare to go down. (Does a karate kick, but his leg gets sucked in Mr. Blob's body. Mr. Blob is able to suck Fry in and Fry is trapped in Mr. Blob.)

Fry: Help Leela! He's digesting me! (Leela comes over and pulls out a salt shaker and dashes Blob with salt.)

Blob: No! I'm de-solidifying! What a universe! (He melts into a puddle of slime and Fry is able to get up and he's covered in slime.)

Leela: Fry, are you okay?

Fry: I got slime in my butt crack, but I'm good. (Fry wipes some slime off his face. Leela uses her wrist-lojack-amater to contact PE HQ.)

Leela: Okay Agent C, send some DOOP troops to clear this place up. (Turns off communicator.) Looks like you all will be put away for a long time.

Blob: But I have a family, without a father figure, my son may turn to the streets for guidance.

Leela: I suppose we could go easy on him, especially since it is close too Xmas.

Fry: That's right, Christmas is around the corner.

Leela: Christmas? They don't call it that anymore Fry, that's the old archaic pronunciation. Just like how you say "ask" instead of "axe". Now, it is just plain Xmas.

(Next Scene, PE HQ. It is snowing and we see everybody inside preparing for Xmas. A few co-workers are putting decorations on the Xmas Palm Tree.)

Zoidberg: Hurray, Xmas is here and I've received an Xmas from my cousin Zoidfarb. (Shows it to Hermes.)

Hermes: Get out of my sight, you filthy crab! I got to get busy cooking the jerked roast beast. (Walks over to Fry and Leela.) Nice work, 014 and 1BDI you stopped those terrorists from Libra 3. You know we've been having problems in that Middle-Eastern part of the galaxy.

(Hermes walks away. We see that Fry and Leela are sitting on the couch. Fry has a beverage, and he's looking sad.)

Leela: What's the matter Fry? Why haven't you enjoyed your eggnog float?

Fry: It's half shaken and stirred, but I just don't feel like drinking it. I can't believe this is my first Xmas without my family. I forget that I'm in the future and that my parents and brother are dead. (Pulls out a picture and it shows his family standing by an Xmas tree with presents. His father is in his army suit, Fry and his brother Yancy. Fry looks like he's 12 years old and Yancy is giving Fry a head noogie.)

Leela: That photo looks sweet.

Fry: This photo was taken in Spring for our Xmas photo.

Leela: Why would you take an Xmas picture in spring?

Fry: It was my dad's idea, he felt that taking our Xmas photo on Xmas was what the communists, at the One Hour Photo shop would want us to do. Anyway, I still remember the Xmas before the I got frozen. I had only little time to spend with my brother.

Leela: You never told me about your brother.

Fry: My brother Yancy was kind of a pain, but I still remember the day before Xmas Eve 1999.

(Flashback and we see Fry's parents house. Mrs. Fry in watching a football game and Mr. Fry is busy packing baloney sandwiches.)

Mr. Fry: Hey Phil, help me with this, we got to prepare for Y2K.

Fry: Yes, commander.

Mrs: Would you two keep it down, I'm trying to watch the game. (To TV) Come on, kill those bastards! (Yancy arrives with gifts.)

Yancy: Merry Christmas everyone.

Fry: Hey, Yancy. (Hugs him, and Yancy gives him a friendly head noogie.)

Yancy: Long time no see, Philip.

Mrs. Fry: Yancy, how's the wife?

Yancy: She's fine, I just found out that she's expecting. (Fry and his parents are excited.)

All: Congratulations!

Fry: So Yancy, are you two coming over to spend Christmas Eve tommorrow?

Yancy: Oh I can't, I'm busy working but it's okay since Mary's spending Christmas with her folks. Anyway, I can't stay long.

Fry: That reminds me, what's your job?

Yancy: I work for a company that I'm not at liberty to discuss.

Fry: Oh.

Yancy: But we could spend New Years Eve together the week after.

Mr. Fry: That's good Yancy, we could spend it in the bomb shelter, when the bombs drop.

Fry: I can't make it, I promised Mr. Panucci that I'd worked on New Year's Eve.

Yancy: You still work for Mr. Panucci as a delivery boy?

Fry: Hey, I'm doing the best I can. But maybe we can get together sometime next year.

Yancy: That would be nice.

Fry: Here Yancy, I wanted to give you this. (Hands him a seven leaf clover. Yancy gasps.) Merry Christmas, Yancy.

Yancy: Oh Philip, I can't believe you'd give me this. I remember when I had to hunt you down just to try and steal it

Fry: I know, but since I haven't seen you in a long time, I hope this will remind you of your little brother.

Yancy: I can't that this, this clover has brought you good luck.

Fry: I know, but I think you'll need it more. (Yancy hugs Fry and the flashback is over.)

Leela: I don't get it what was so special about this seven leaf clover?

Fry: Oh it is very simple you see...

(Leela's communicator interrupts and she answers it. It is her parents.)

Munda: Hello Leela.

Leela: Hi mom, hi dad.

Morris: We are just calling you to wish you merry Xmas, now we'll hang-up and let you go on with your life.

Leela: Wait! I have something to tell you, I'm spending Xmas Eve with you two.

Munda: You are? That is great, I just hope you can put up with your father's drinking.

Morris: I get really drunk on the Holidays.

Leela: I'll manage, see you there. (Ends transmission.)

Fry: So, you're spending time your parents?

Leela: I'm hoping to make this my first time.

Fry: Wait, you mean you've never had Xmas with your parents?

Leela: Well for most of my life, I spent Xmas as an orphan at the Orphanarium.

Fry: But once you joined DOOP, you said they were able to locate your parents.

Leela: Yeah, but due to my work as an agent, I haven't been able to spend the holidays with my parents. Usually something would come up. I'm just glad that DOOP has put Earth on safe alert, I just hope it lasts until after the holidays. I'd hate to bail out on my parents again. (Fry has an expression of feeling sorry for his partner. Leela offers him a disk.) Here, I want to give this for Xmas, Fry.

Fry: Oh Leela, I didn't get you anything.

Leela: That's okay, this disc is a log that chronicles all of the missions we've gone on. I thought you'd like it.

Fry: We've had some good missions.

Leela: Yeah, anyway, I hope you like it. I better go, but you know you could come along and spend Xmas with me and my parents.

Fry: That would be nice, but I need to spend Xmas with my family, and I just have the Professor, and that annoying Cubert clone of his. (Leela just smiles, and then leaves. Fry looks at the disc and feels a little ashamed that he didn't give Leela anything. He checks the disc and it features articles and showing pictures of Fry and Leela's past missions. Fry remembers the good times he had celebrating with Fry after completing those previous missions. Fry then walks over to the Professor and Hermes who are watching TV.)

Fry: Hey Professor, Agent C.

Hermes: Agent 014, are you going to spend Xmas with us?

Fry: I guess so, I mean the Professor is the only family I have left.

Professor: Oh yes, it is good to have a least one living relative. (Whispers to Hermes.) You never know when you might need a kidney or heart.

Hermes: I can't wait to spend time with the wife and son. More specifically the wife.

Professor: Come 014, come watch some TV with us. They have a special news report on Santa.

Fry: Santa?

Linda: (On TV) The Holidays are upon and this is a very special occasion. With this being the 200th Xmas, Santa will be joining us at Time Square tonight promising to unveil his big surprise.

Morbo: In case you don't remember, here's what happened at last year's Xmas.

(Clip shows a crowd at Times Square and Robot Santa lands his rocket sleigh on a stand in front of everyone. The audience is shocked.)

Robot Santa: Hello everyone, Santa has a big surprise in his sack.

(Reaches in his sack and pulls out gift and throws them all around. People open them and they are wonderful gifts.)

Guy1: Thank you, Santa.

Woman: This is better than last year's.

Guy2: You always put a smile on our faces around this time.

Santa: If you think this was good, wait until next year when I've done my 200th Xmas. (Takes off on his rocket sleigh. Fry just looks at the TV.)

Fry: So wait, that's Santa? He's a robot.

Professor: Of course he is. Back in 2801, the Friendly Robot Company built a robotic santa to distribute presents and since then he's filled our hearts with joy and merriment.

Fry: Neat, I get to spend my first Xmas in the future getting to meet the real Santa.

(Just then an alarm sounds and Hermes pushes a button on the couch and a big radar screen appears on the wall.)

Hermes: Sweet Lion of Zion! Jinx has broken into a power company and has stolen one super battery and she took it from one of the two battery packets.

Fry: Stealing on Xmas, that's low.

Hermes: You and Agent 1BDI, will have to investigate this.

Fry: But...

Hermes: No buts. Go get Agent 1BDI and tell her what's happened.

Fry: She's spending Xmas with her parents, I can't just pull her away.

Hermes: (Angry) You will, or else! Now if you'll excuse me, I have my Xmas activity to plan out. (Fry walks out the room, but is frustrated.)

Fry: What do I do? I can't ruin Leela's Xmas with this, she's been hoping to spend Xmas with her parents. Wait a minute, that's it! I'll stop Jinx and Ironfinger by myself, and Leela can still spend Xmas with her parents. That's my gift to her. There's no downside.

(Next Scene. Ironfinger's new hideout. It is somewhere out of NNY. It looks like a ship. Cut to inside and Jinx walks into a control room and we see Ironfinger.)

Ironfinger: Jinx, did you get it?

Jinx: Yes, one super battery. I don't know why you had me steal it. On was on sale for $1.99 for the holidays. (Hands it to Ironfinger.)

Ironfinger: Please, like I want to wait in line just to buy a one battery.

(Places battery on controls and powers the ship.)

Jinx: What do you need this ship for?

Ironfinger: It's easy, now that this ship is fully powered I'll be able to intercept Santa.

Jinx: Wait, you are going to go after Santa?

Ironfinger: Yes, this is personal. Every Xmas, I have asked him for a new finger that was the same metal as my other fingers and he never gave it to me. Since I never got what I wanted for Xmas, then I'm going to capture Santa and prevent other people from getting what they want.

(Laughs, as Jinx leaves.) Jinx, where are you going?

Jinx: Spluh, it's Xmas. I'm on vacation.

Ironfinger: But aren't you going to help me with my brilliant original evil plan of ruining Xmas for everybody?

Jinx: Original? Get real. You stole this idea from that Xmas Special.

Ironfinger: Silence! This is my evil plan, and I'm sticking with it.

Jinx: Well, I'm leaving.

Ironfinger: So where are you going? Spending time with the family?

Jinx: No, my family doesn't celebrate Xmas since they view it as an Earth holiday. (Leaves.)

Ironfinger: Well no matter, once my ship is ready, I'll be the only one having a Merry Xmas. (Laughs evilly, but then Scruffy enters with a glass.)

Scruffy: Scruffy's finished with the eggnog and cognac.

Ironfinger: Oh thanks Scruffy. (Drinks the glass and likes it. Cut to Fry and he sees the ship in the distance.)

Fry: Alright, this is where the tracker says the battery is. What's Ironfinger up to now?

(Cut back inside Ironfinger's ship. And he sees the charging process is complete.)

Ironfinger: Perfect, my ship is fully charged and now I can take off. (Notices that the power is lowering.) What?! (Turns around and sees that Fry has taken the super battery.) 014!

Fry: Ironfinger!

Ironfinger: Jinx!

Scruffy: Jinx is on vacation.

Ironfinger: Aw crap! Scruffy get him! (Scruffy runs up to Fry and tries to grab the battery. Fry and Scruffy fight over it like two kids. Then Scruffy knocks it out of Fry's hands and Fry dives to get it back, but Scruffy tackles him. Ironfinger just picks up the battery and plants it back on the ship's controls and his ship is powered up again. Ironfinger pushes the launch button and the ship takes off. It makes it into space and the speed causes Scruffy to get off of Fry and Fry is able to get up and tries to make it to the controls. Ironfinger and Fry struggle at the controls and Fry accidentally hits the self destruct button.)

Computer: Self destruction in T minus 60 seconds.

Ironfinger: You idiot, you hit the self destruct button!

Fry: Hey, don't blame me. You're the one who had a self destruct button.

Scruffy: Scruffy says, he has a point.

Ironfinger: We've got to get to the escape pods. (They try to leave, but a big metal girder lands on Scruffy. Fry and Ironfinger try to lift it, but it's too heavy.)

Scruffy: Scruffy says, there's no more time. Scruffy says leave now.

Ironfinger: (With a tear in his eye.) I'll never forget you Scruffy. (Fry grabs Ironfinger and they race to the escape pods. The computer is down to 5-4-3-2-1-0)

Scruffy: Maralade! (The ship explodes and we see an escape pod blast out just in time. However, the explosion is powerful enough to damage part of the escape pod. Cut inside.)

Fry: The controls are damaged, we're going to crash back to Earth.

Ironfinger: Well it's a good thing I increased my villain insurance.

(The escape pod heads towards Earth as debris from ship also make their way towards Earth. Next Scene, the sewers of NNY. Leela is at her parents home. We see an Xmas Palm tree standing in the living room. The tree is dead, but it still looks good with the lights on it. Leela is helping her mom with Xmas dinner.)

Leela: Mom, your Xmas ham is the best, I'll bet.

Munda: Oh is nothing but mutated monkey. (Someone is knocking on the door and Morris answers it. At the door are the mutants Dwayne, Raoul and Vyolet. They are singing, "We Wish You A Merry Xmas". Dwayne is playing the guitar. Leela walks up.)

Raoul: As Supreme Mutant, let me just extend my three arms to wish you Merry Xmas.

Leela: Hello there, would you all like some Xmas candy canes? (She offers each a candy cane and the candy canes have a double hook on one side instead of one. Just then the Leg Mutant hops out of the back.)

Leg Mutant: Can I have one? And also, do you have an extra pair of stockings?

Leela: Sure there's plenty to go around. (Just then Leela's communicator beeps. She answers it and it is Hermes.) Agent C?

Hermes: Agent 1BDI? Oh thank God you are alive.

Leela: What do you mean?

Hermes: Our sensors detected that the ship you and Fry went to stop Ironfinger blew up in space, causing debris to crash back to Earth.

Leela: Fry and I?

Hermes: Yes, we told Fry that Ironfinger was up to something and we assumed he was going to tell you, thus ruining your chance to spend Xmas with your parents. And now that I find out that 014 didn't contact you, I'm very angry with him. I'm going to dock his pay.

Leela: Wait a minute, Fry went a mission only just so I can spend time with my parents? (Shows an expression of how sweet that was, but then she realizes something.) But if Fry went by himself, then that means... (Next Scene. The North Pole and we see the escape pod that had Fry and Ironfinger. The pod is destroyed beyond repair. One side is completely ripped open. We finally see Fry walking out of the rubble and Ironfinger follows.)

Fry: We made it, we're alive!

Ironfinger: Nice going, now we're stuck at the North Pole. This is all your fault.

Fry: My fault? You're the one dumb enough to keep putting self destruct buttons on your ships.

Ironfinger: (Stalling, since Fry had a point.) Yeah...but...you're the one who interfered with my plans to take over the world.

Fry: What do you expect me to do, just let you take over the world?

Ironfinger: Uhh...yes, after all it is Xmas and I deserve to have what I want just like everyone else.

Fry: (Looking in the distance.) Look, I see a building. Maybe they have a phone and let me contact PE and also they might have hot chocolate.

Ironfinger: There's no need for that. I have a communicator and I'll just call Jinx to come and just save me. (Uses communicator and an holographic image of Jinx appears.)

Jinx hologram: Hello this is Jinx, I can't come to the phone right now, but leave your name, number and a detail message and I'll get back to you.

Ironfinger: What could she be doing?

(Cut to Jinx and she's in Florida at a beach resort and she's busy working on her tan. Her cell phone was on vibrate mode and its in her bag. The cell phone reads one voice message. Cut back to Ironfinger and he's just finished sending a message.) I better fuel up, luckily I have a cooler with bottles of beer.

Fry: You mean this. (Points at a cooler, but most of the bottles are broken due to the crash. Fry has the last remaining bottle of booze.)

Ironfinger: That's my last beer, hand it over you bastard!

Fry: Finders Keepers. (Ironfinger gets on his knees.)

Ironfinger: Please 014, as a robot I need booze to power my fuel cells. I'll give you anything.

Fry: Give me the communicator.

Ironfinger: Alright fine. (They make the trade, but before Fry could use it they are attacked by a few robots that resemble reindeer. The reindeers grab both Ironfinger and Fry with their mouths and take them to the building in the distance. The building looks like a Toy Factory but with a more armored fortress influence. Fry and Ironfinger are taken into a room, where they see a bunch of small Neptunians that are dressed like elves. They are in pairs and each pair are holding hands.)

Neptunian1: Greetings.

Fry: Oh my god, are you guys elves?

Neptunian2: We're not elves, we're Neptunians.

Neptunian1: We're just small because we don't eat much.

Ironfinger: You all must be really cold to be holding hands a lot.

Neptunian2: (nervously) Uh yeah that's it, we're cold.

Fry: So, why are we here?

Neptunian1: We're supposed to take you to see Santa.

Fry: Santa? Oh boy. He really does live at the North Pole.

Neptunian2: Actually, he lives on Neptune, this is his winter fortress.

(Just then a chair turns around and we see Robot Santa.)

Santa: Ho, ho, ho.

Fry: It's Santa.

Santa: Cease them. (Two robot reindeer point their lasers at them.)

Fry: What's going on? Santa can't be evil, he's jolly and loves everybody.

Santa: Silence! You two have been very naughty.

Fry: Naughty? But I'm Fry, Philip J. Fry.

Santa: I know who you are.

Ironfinger: Santa, I've wanted to tell this to you for a long time...

Santa: I know, you want a finger made of titanium, but for all the naughty things you've done you get nothing. You and everyone else on Earth will pay for their naughtiness.

Fry: What are you talking about?

Santa: It is quite simply. You see when I was built, I was programed to distribute presents to those who were nice and not to those who were naughty. It was good giving people gifts and rewarding them for being nice. However, for 199 years, as I went to my lists to decide who's been naughty and who's been nice, I realized something. All people commit naughty things; whether it is cutting in line at the supermarket, not rewinding the tapes they rent at Blockbuster or not tipping you mailman during Holidays. Even the "so-called" nicest people have done naughty things like that. This proved to be a problem, why should I reward people if they do naughty things no matter how small? So I concluded that instead of rewarding the nice, I should punish the naughty. So throughout the year, I've been making a secret list of naughty people and I've managed to draw up the whole planet. Every little white lie, every little miss deed and inconsiderate act, I wrote it down. And this year, I plan to start the punishment with the people of NNY at their jolly Xmas gathering this Xmas Eve. I promised a big surprise for my 200th Xmas and I will deliver. That's why I had to arrive on Earth much earlier than usual to fulfill my punishing schedule.

Fry: This can't be, Santa wanting to harm people? What kind of future is this?

Santa: And now I'll start my new reign of punishment on you two. (Pulls out a bazooka and points it at Ironfinger.)

Fry: Wait! Look I don't mind that you are punishing Ironfinger, but why me? I saved the Earth many times this year.

Santa: Yes, but you went against DOOP orders. You were supposed to contact Agent 1BDI to help you with your mission, but you didn't. Therefore you must pay. (Launches a missile and Fry and Ironfinger quickly dodge the impact. They start to run out of the fortress, but they have to deal with spinning tops of dooms, deathly naughty seeking lasers and deadly buzz-saws. They manage to run out of the fortress, but Santa follows them in his Sleigh.)

Fry: I have to contact PE HQ, and warn them about Santa's plan.

Ironfinger: Why?

Fry: (while they're running.) Because, if we don't call for help, we'll die.

Ironfinger: Oh. (Screams as he dodges a laser beam from Santa. Cut to Leela and we have a montage of her in different parts of the world, that the debris from Ironfinger's ship hit. However, the people tell her that nobody was found in each of the wreckage. Leela gets a call.)

Leela: Yes, Agent C.

Hermes: Agent 1BDI, have you found 014's?

Leela: No, nobody has seen him in any of the crash areas. I think he must've...(A tear falls down her eye, but she still fights the urge to cry. Cut to Jinx and she's getting a massage from a very muscular guy. He's the same guy from episode, "When Aliens Attack".)

Jinx: Oh Kyle, you work magic with those fingers.

Kyle: That's because I'm gay and I'm not distracted by your sexy body. Anyway, it is the least I could for that sweet bonus.

Jinx: Bonus?

Kyle: Don't you know, all your expenses have been paid and doubled, by a Mr. Ironfinger.

Jinx: Ironfinger?

Kyle: He called in advanced and paid for everything days ago. And he told me to give this to you. (Hands her a note.)

Jinx: (Reading) "Dear Jinx, I just wanted to show how much I thank you for a year of being my hench woman and go to girl. Merry Xmas, Ironfinger." (Stopped Reading.) That is so sweet, wait let me check my cell phone. I have a voice mail from him. (Cut to Fry and Ironfinger they manage to lost Santa, thanks to a snow storm, but they need some place to hide and find a cave. They enter and make sure they weren't seen. After a while, they've made a fire and they are resting. Fry tries to use the communicator, but has trouble making an connection.)

Fry: Crud, the snow is interfering with the connection. Well, we're in a cave and running from a murderous robot resembling a very lovable icon, who plans to commit mass murders.

Ironfinger: Yeah, and I still have beer. (Drinks a bottle of beer.)

Fry: Don't you care that innocent people are going to die?!

Ironfinger: Hello, I'm a villain, I commit evil acts on a regular basis.

Fry: I thought I knew you, Bender.

Ironfinger: Don't call me that! And you only knew me for one day.

Fry: That day when I was unfrozen, you seemed like a good robot with a zesty in-your-face interface. I thought we were going to be good friends.

Ironfinger: Good friends? You two abandoned me on that New Year's Eve, to die.

Fry: No we didn't, you risked your life to save mine and Leela's and we thought you were dead.

Ironfinger: What?!

Fry: But when we found out you became a villain, we were disappointed, especially me.

Ironfinger: (Staring at Fry, realizing something.) I never knew, I guess all those times I was teased, it clouded my mind. Maybe I should consider...(Just then the cave is attacked by Santa and he has missile launchers and bombs the place. Ironfinger manages to pull Fry away from being hit with a missile. They both run out of the cave, Fry tries the communicator one more time and manages to make an connection to PE HQ, but they feel the impact of another missile blast. The blast knocks them down and Fry drops the communicator causing it to break. It still manages to send a small signal to PE HQ. Cut to Leela and she looks depressed as she is in the PE ship, heading back to PE HQ. Just then Hermes appears on the video screen.)

Hermes: Agent 1BDI, I was busy getting ready to leave for the Time Square Xmas celebration, but we just received a vague distress signal.

Leela: (Excited) Was it from Fry?

Hermes: We're not sure, the signal was traced to the North Pole.

Leela: I'm setting course to the North Pole. Don't worry Fry, I'm coming.

Hermes: (Shows an expression of disappointment and then becomes angry.) You know what this mean? Now I can't cash in on the huge life insurance policy I had on Agent 014. He'll pay for that as well. Now if you excuse me, I need to be alone. (Ends Transmission and it is reveal he's in a bedroom naked under the blanket with Labarbara. She's naked, but because of the blanket you can only see her head and hands.)

Labarbara: So, you are angry? That's just how I be liking it.

Hermes: I know, time for me to requisition an Xmas orgy of sex.

(They start kissing and make out there. Cut to Jinx and she's made it to the North Pole and she's at the crash site. She's dressed for rocket snow boarding. She takes out a tracking device, while she's riding the rocket board.)

Jinx: I'm detecting a trace of iron in the area. It must be Ironfinger, I hope he's okay.

(Cut to Leela and she parachutes from the PE ship and she has a tracking device.)

Leela: (She points to a direction.) I'm getting a vague signal in the distance over there. I hope Fry's okay. (She pulls out a rocket snow board and she heads to find Fry. Cut to Fry and Ironfinger and they've managed to reach a slope and they realize they were on a mountain.)

Fry: What will we do?

Ironfinger: I have this, (Opens his chest and pulls out to pairs of skis.)

Fry: Where did you get those?

Ironfinger: They were on sale at the Sporting Good Store, but I decided to go for my three finger discount. (Fry and Ironfinger each help themselves to putting on a pair of skis and just as Santa shows up to fire another blast, they ski right down the hill.)

Santa: (Checking his clock.) Drat, I'm going to be late for Xmas. Well no matter, I'll give those two a very special gift. (Pulls out a bauble-bomb and sets it to explode. He flies away and there's a big boom, causing a huge avalanche. We see them seeing a wall of snow heading straight right for them.)

Ironfinger: Faster! Faster!

Fry: We can't outrun it. (They ski down the hill faster, with the wall closing in on them. However, the wall gets to them and everything gets dark. Cut to after the avalanche is over. Leela finally arrives and looks around and finds Fry's pair of skis.)

Leela: Oh God, Fry! (Starts digging through the snow, but then Jinx arrives.)

Jinx: Agent 1BDI! Where's Ironfinger?

Leela: Where's Fry?

Jinx: I don't know, I just got here.

Leela: Not a good answer. (They start fighting. Leela is all offense, while Jinx is just trying not to get hit. Just then, Fry comes out of snow and he's freezing.)

Fry: L-L-L-L-L-eela. (Leela turns around and sees Fry.)

Leela: Fry, you're alive. (Races over to check on Fry. She grabs him and feels how cold Fry is. She takes off her coat and wraps it around him. She grabs his hands to warm him up.) This will warm you up. How do you feel?

Fry: Wh-wh-wh-wh-what are you do-do-do-do-doing here?

Leela: Agent C told me you went on this mission alone.

Fry: (Starting to feel much warmer.) I didn't want you to ruin your Xmas, so I didn't tell you. Aw man, now that you're here that means your Xmas is ruined.

Leela: Fry, it was sweet of you to do this but I came here because you are my partner and even though I'm not with my parents, I wouldn't feel right to leave you like this. (She notices on the ground that Fry has dropped his family picture. She picks it up and gives it to him.) You dropped this. (Just then Jinx comes out of nowhere and pulls a laser gun.)

Jinx: Don't move, now I'm going to axe this only once. Where's Ironfinger?

Ironfinger: I'm right here Jinx. (Ironfinger pops himself out of the snow. Jinx puts her gun down. Leela helps Fry up.)

Leela: We better get you to PE HQ and into a warm bed.

Fry: No time, we got to get to Time Square in NNY and stop Santa.

Jinx: Well Ironfinger, let's go to my ship and get out of here.

Fry: Wait! We'll need your ship to get to NNY faster.

Jinx: Excuse me?

Fry: I'll explain on the way. (Cut to them in Jinx's ship and they are heading for NNY.)

Leela: Santa's planning to punish everybody for being naughty? That sounds like the plot for a bad Xmas special.

Jinx: I can't get a hold of anybody in NNY to warn them.

Leela: Everybody must be off duty just to see Santa.

Fry: We've got to stop Santa from attacking all those innocent people.

Jinx: You seem more serious than usual.

Fry: Xmas should be about bringing people together, for joy and celebration, not trying to punish them. (Next Scene. Time Square and we see many people. Hermes, Labarbara, Zoidberg, the Professor, Dwight and Cubert are there ready for Santa. Tinny Tim is also there.)

Cubert: I'm going to ask Santa if he can give us better spy stuff.

Dwight: I'm hoping for a better grappling hook that doesn't snap when we try to scale PE HQ.

Tinny Tim: I hope to ask Santa for a much better cane, for this one I have is a little short.

(Just then Santa's Sleigh lands down and everybody cheers. Santa gets out of his sleigh.)

Santa: Ho, ho, ho! Merry Xmas everyone. I'm here to fulfill my promise I gave last year. For one year, I've noticed all of you and how you've treated each other. And now on this day, I've drawn the conclusion that you all deserve...(Everybody holds their breath.)...to die! (People gasp as Santa pushes a button on a remote causing a self-firing huge laser to come out of his sleigh. The gun starts firing into the crowd and people start to run and scream. Santa laughs evilly as he begins throwing live bauble-bombs at the crowd. Hermes is on a communicator.)

Hermes: Mayday, Mayday! I need back up at Times Square...What?! Back up is spending time with their families?

Professor: What will we do? (Just then Jinx's ship lands and our four main characters walk out.)

Leela: Professor, Agent C.

Hermes: Sweet Luanne from Japan! You two finally captured Ironfinger and Jinx.

Leela: Not exactly. Come on people, we all need to stop Santa Claus from coming to town.

(Santa is just laughing at all the destruction he's causing, but then our heroes arrive.)

Fry: Hello Santa, remember us?

Santa: You should be dead, oh that's very naughty. No matter, you all have been very naughty indeed.

Leela: I haven't been naughty.

Santa: You cut an old lady in line when you went Xmas shopping.

Leela: (embarrassed) Oh right, but she was taking too long and I was only buying one item.

Santa: Needless to say, you've been naughty just like everyone else. Except you Dr. Zoidberg. (Everyone gasps and Zoidberg is shock, as he gets a gift from Santa. He opens it and it is a wooden train.)

Zoidberg: Hurray, just what I've always wanted.

Hermes: No fair, how come you're not punishing Zoidberg?

Santa: It's an attitude like that, that gets me really angry at the naughty.

(Pulls out a bazooka and fires. Everybody dodges the impact and head back to Jinx's ship.)

Leela: We've got to get as far away as we can to lure Santa out of NNY.

Jinx: Look. (Points up from the window and we see Santa in his sleigh, preventing them from taking off.) We can't blast off, but I know another direction we can go. (Pulls a lever and the ship produces a drill and they go underground. Santa follows and they reach the sewers and Santa fires one missile at Jinx's ship causing the ship to crash nearby someplace familiar.)

Leela: Oh no, we're right by... (Munda appears and has a batch of cookies.)

Munda: Leela, you're back and you've brought some friends.

Leela: Mom! Get back! (Santa lands and takes Munda hostage.)

Santa: Nobody is going anywhere.

Munda: Santa, what are you doing?

Santa: Silence, don't make me tell them about what you did last week. Now then, surrender and I promise I won't turn this lady's skin into wrapping paper.

Leela: No! Please do what he says. (Just then Morris appears and he looks really drunk. He also has something behind his back.)

Morris: Get your hands off my wife. (Santa turns around and does let go of Munda.)

Santa: What do you plan on doing about it? (Aims his bazooka at Morris.)

Morris: This! (Reveals he has a missile launcher and blasts at Santa. The missile hits Santa's chest and carries him back to his sleigh. Leela comes over and works the control.)

Leela: Sorry Santa, but you've over stayed your welcome. You are going back to Neptune the hard way. (She pulls the pin from one of his bauble-bombs. The Sleigh blasts off and breaks up through the streets of NNY and goes into the sky. The bauble bomb goes off and we see a hugh blast and Santa and his sleigh are nowhere to be seen. Cut to a while later and we see a dinner table prepared. Munda, Morris, Fry, Leela, Hermes, Professor, Zoidberg, Labarbara, Cubert, Tinny Tim, Dwight, Ironfinger and Jinx are set around the table. )

Munda: It is nice to see so many people around the table.

Leela: I'm just glad we got rid of Santa, but dad I didn't know you were capable of doing that, you're usually a nice person.

Morris: I told you, I was a mean drunk.

Leela: What about the missile launcher?

Munda: You'd be surprise what people flush down the toilet.

Hermes: I still think that it is wrong that we don't arrest Ironfinger and Jinx and are letting them spend Xmas with us.

Leela: They helped in stopping Santa and 'Tis the season. (Ironfinger arrives with a pot.)

Ironfinger: Look what I helped to cook.

Jinx: You seem more jolly than usual.

Ironfinger: I'm just glad that I'm spending Xmas with good heartwarming people. (Everybody is flattered.) But once the New Year comes, the truce is over and I'm going to go mediaeval on all your asses.

Fry: We wouldn't have it any other way. (Stands up.) Anyway, the important thing is that we all are together for Xmas and even if I'm surrounded by mutants, monsters, robots and such, I feel very proud to be apart of this. And Leela, I'm glad you get to spend Xmas with your parents.

Leela: Oh thank you, Fry. (Fry is holding Leela's hand and just then Ironfinger places a leave of Mistletoe over the both of them.)

Ironfinger: Look who's under the mistletoe? (Fry and Leela first look embarrassed, but Leela plants one right on Fry's left cheek. Fry blushes even more.)

Leela: Merry Xmas, Fry.

Fry: Merry Xmas, Leela.


(We pan outside the house and see the sewers. Snow is coming in from the hole that Santa caused. We pan up to the streets of NNY as we hear an instrumental verison of "We Wish A Merry Christmas".)

 

THE END

Well, I hope you enjoy this fanfic. This will be my last SpyOrama for a while, since this was the Season Two Finale. I have other things to do, but I'll still be around.

Buddies