Lost In New New York
By Spot 439
A boy about the age of three walks up to his father. He is not very tall but his hair makes him seem taller. He is carrying a toy space ship. He grabs onto his father’s pants leg and his father put his hand on his head. The boy’s hair ruffles up and he laughs. He hugs his father and his father picks him up and lets him sit on his shoulders. His mother fixes his hair and takes his toy spaceship. They are in a studio overlooking the sea. It’s a peaceful Monday afternoon, since work for both parents had been cut short. The little boy drops his spaceship and starts to whimper.
Mother: Xavier that is the sixth time you’ve dropped this spaceship. Fry pick it up please.
Father: Don’t worry Leela, it’s just a toy, wait until he is 13 and you train him to fly the real spaceship.
Leela hands Xavier his spaceship. Fry kisses Leela. Xavier drops his spaceship and it lands on Fry’s foot.
Futurama intro. Family guy cartoon
Bender: Yo meatbag, how’s life with the kid?
Bender: Not interested
(He huffs from his cigar and completely ignores Fry. Leela enters the room with Xavier tied on a leash wobbling in front. At the sight, Fry is horrified.)
Fry: Leela, why is our son on a leash?
Leela: Now that he’s starting to walk, he’s prone to wander around and I’m worried
Fry: Kids don’t belong on leashes! No human being should
(In walks the professor on a leash carried by Bender)
Bender: Look at my new pet! Ha Ha!
Leela: You’re right Fry, Xavier, comere and lemme get you outta this.
(She detaches his leash and Xavier wobbles forward.)
Fry: There he goes!
(Fry goes right in front of him and catches Xavier as he almost falls down the stairs)
Leela: How sweet
Enter Amy and Zoidberg.
Bender: Hey guys, where’s Hermes?
Amy: He left to the travel agency to book us a trip
Fry: Where are we going?
(He picks up Xavier and puts him on his shoulders)
Amy: I dunno, but he said the budget can’t afford to send everyone
Leela: Uh oh, I might not go because of Xavier
Fry: I am sure to go! I’m the life of the party!
Bender: Oh Hell no! I am! You and Leela are usually the ones to END the party because of the baby (uses air quotes) the baby needs this, the baby is sleeping, its late and the baby is at home, oh no Fry almost dropped the baby! Blah blah blah….
Leela: Bender, if you’ve ever had a child then you would know
Bender: I have had children. ‘memba the 12 little orphans I adopted?
Leela: For the money u mean?
Bender: (sadly) Yes, but none of mine were stupid like yours!
Fry: Hey! That’s my son you’re speaking about, your godson.
Leela: He’s just got a little problem, he’s ummm……
Zoidberg: A squid?
Leela: Okay okay, enough with the insults; he’s just a little slow that’s all.
Enters Hermes with four tickets and a box of tissues
Hermes: Okay people; let’s get this started, stand into a line and when I call your name stand out of the line.
They all line up Zoidberg, Bender, Fry, Leela, Xavier, Amy, Proffesor and Cubert
Proffesor: Arooo!!! Bark bark!
Cubert: Finally, I thought I was catching the stupid disease by these people
Hermes: and finally, Leela
Fry, Bender and Zoidberg: Aww man!
Fry: Hermes, you have one left
Hermes: This one is mine, now everyone get packing! We leave tonight!
Leela: Tonight? But Xavier,
Hermes: Don’t worry Fry will watch him
Fry: Yea, I’m his father and I have learned all about taking care of kids. Remember the dad school at the hospital when Xavier was born?
Leela: You mean the alcoholics anonymous group you walked into?
Fry: Exactly…. Wait wha?
Zoidberg: Don’t Worry Leela; you’ve got Zoidberg still here and always on call for child care!
Leela: Now I am even more worried..
Bender: Don’t sweat it big boots, Little X will be safe with me
(He takes Xavier from Fry and puts him in his chest cabinet)
Fry: Calm down Leela, there’s no reason to lock us up in the studio; we need to get fresh air! Right small Fry?
(He high fives Xavier)
Leela: Fry, I love you and I can trust you, but not with our son and I ummmm
(Fry leans into kiss Leela and he subjects to his boyish charm and they kiss for a long time. Suddenly a Party bus pulls up in front of the studio window. Amy, with a lampshade on her head, yells from the window)
Amy: Leela!! Hurry up; the cocktails are free on the bus!!!
Leela: I love you Fry take good care of Xavier. Love you X.
She kisses both of them and throws her luggage and herself onto the bus. Fry takes Xavier outside to wave goodbye to the bus. Leela, with a tear in her eye looks out from the back window and waves back. The bus disappears.
Fry: Okay X, let’s wait for uncle Bender, ooooh a penny!
He sets down Xavier and retrieves the penny.
Fry: Hey Xavier, this penny is from my time! Xavier? X? Xavier Joseph?
He finds that Xavier is gone from where he left him.
Fry: I am so boned
Fry: I have got to call Leela
He runs into the house and picks up the receiver
Fry: No, she’ll kill me if I tell her that we lost our three year old son…… damn I made my self fell guilty. Might as well call Bender.
He calls Bender and Bender agrees to help him look for Xavier for cash.
Xavier is wobbling down the streets of New New York. He ends up wobbling into a liquor store.
Sal (the lazy guy): Lets closes downs this places, I’ds gots peoples to sees and things to dos.
He and three other guys closes the store without noticing Xavier inside and puts the metal bars in front of the gate. He goes away leaving Xavier looking through the gate. Xavier turns around and he sees shelves of beer and wine.
Bender: You probably killed him
Fry: What?! No I didn’t
Bender: Get Zoidberg, he’s good at tracking people
Fry: I dunno, Zoidberg isn’t the people finding type, he’s more of the food scraps finding type….
Bender: Listen do you want our kid back or what cuz I am getting’ paid 30 bucks an hour here and I’m willing to rev up the price.
Fry: Fine, lets go get Zoidberg
He starts moving towards the Planet Express building but Bender is standing in his same spot.
Fry: Comeon Bender!! Oh right.
He hands Bender 30 bucks and Bender follows him
Leela is sitting under a canopy overlooking the sea, stirring a martini. She looks sad and Amy walks up to her.
Amy: Come on Leela have a little fun!
Leela: How can I have fun when my son is in the hands of his father?
Amy: Don’t worry; Bender and Zoidberg are there too.
Leela smacks her forehead against the tabletop
Xavier is knocking down all of the bottles and throwing beer cans. He spots an owl hole in the wall and decides to crawl through it. He follows the tunnel to the inside of the Family Bros. Pizza kitchen
Cygnoid: Okay now what that Mr. Fry is to put the sauce on the pizza dough and then bake it at -25 degrees.
Xavier falls into a tub of pizza sauce. A Cygnoid starts scooping out the sauce, barely missing Xavier. They put the tub outside and Xavier crawls out. He starts wobbling towards the Planet Express building but then sees a penny on the ground.
He starts walking towards the Penny, but the wind makes the penny float away and he starts running after it.
Zoidberg: Don’t worry Fry; I am an Expert at finding lost Giraffes.
Fry: Xavier is my son Zoidberg! You almost delivered him except when Leela knocked you out.
Zoidberg: Oh yes that small human
Bender: Finally he remembers
Fry: Lets go look for him; Bender stay around this area, Zoidberg goes with me
Bender: I am not doing anything without-----
Fry hands him 30 bucks
Bender: some money to spend on cheap floozies and beer!
Fry puts Zoidberg on a leash
Zoidberg: I thought you said no one belongs on a leash!
Fry: Yea, no HUMAN being! Now get moving
Zoidberg: This is so degrading!
Scene: Fry and Zoidberg are in the central park. Zoidberg is tied to a leash carried by Fry. Fry has Binoculars and candy. They pass by a jungle gym with lots of kids on it.
Fry: Maybe Xavier is on the slide or in the sandbox.
Zoidberg: Go and look for yourself Fry, I spot a delicious feast just a couple of yards from here in form of a picnic.
He starts to go in the direction of the picnic but chokes himself because Fry had tied the leash to a tree.
Fry tries to get onto the jungle gym but is trampled on by little kids.
Fry: Hey kids, have you seen a fellow one of you who is short and has purple hair with orange streaks in it?
The children all stare at him, then continue to play.
Fry: You kids know where he is! That’s why your keepin’ quiet!
Kid: he’s catchin’ on to us! Run!
The slide down the slide and Fry chases after them. He gets stuck on the slide and can’t get off. The little kids gather around him and start pointing and laughing.
Kid: ha ha! You fell for it! We have no idea who he is! Comeon’ guys lets go play in the sandbox.
Fry: When I get off of this I’ll stick you all in an oven to make shrinky dinks!
Hermes: Leela, stop being your mopey self and get with the party!
Leela: I am getting with the party! See!
She shows Hermes her hula skirt and Lei
Hermes: (sarcastically) Very Festive
Xavier is chasing the penny and steps into a transport tube.
Xavier’s mind: Hmm uncle bwender always says atwantwic cwity wis a gweat pwace…
Xavier: Atwantic Cwity?
He is sucked up by the transport tube and we see him yelling in happiness like his father did when he first went in one. He goes underwater, through the statue of liberty and through the mean streets of New York, passing Zoidberg.
Zoidberg: Xavier? Fry! Fry! I thought I saw your little Giraffe!
Fry is now using butter to get out of the slide
Fry: Not now Zoidberg, I’m busy
The tube shoots past Bender who is waiting outside of Planet Express
Bender: Hey, that looked like..
He spots Elzar walking down the street
Bender: Oh Elzar!!!! I bought that cookbook of yours offline on Ebay some punk was selling it
Xavier is having so much fun in the transport tubes but he doesn’t know that he is heading towards Atlantic City.
Scene Atlantic City tube exit. The exit is in front of a mattress store. Three people pop out of the tube landing on their feet. Xavier pops out hitting the padded wall and landing on a mattress. He climbs off the bed and starts walking out of the store.
Xavier: Hmmmm where two gwo?
In front of him are two signs, one pointing towards New New York, and the other pointing to the backstreets of Atlantic City. He is suddenly lifted up by a policeman.
Policeman: Hey, an unattended child! Finally I can beat Chet’s record of most abandoned kids picked up!
Xavier points to the New New York side, even though he doesn’t know it.
Policeman: Ah, you’re a Newyorkian. Let’s take you downtown and get your fingerprints.
Fry and Zoidberg are waking back to Planet Express to find Bender
Zoidberg: Fry, I thought I saw your son
Fry: When tell me, wait why should I believe you. Now my legs are freezing
Zoidberg: Maybe it’s because I had to shear them off
We pan out and see fry walking in his underwear with Zoidberg still on a leash
Leela: Oh no, I have a bad feeling Fry lost Xavier
Amy: Don’t worry; I’m sure they are walking through the park or through the backstreets of the city
Cubert: Amy! Don’t you know everything bad happens in the backstreets, just look at the Backstreet Boys!
Leela: I don’t care; I’m calling Bender to see if they are all right
Xavier is looking out of the window off the police car and he sees Pimps, suicide booths, graffiti, the backstreet boys’ heads, roller skaters, a painting of a circuit board and the Robot Devil.
Police man: Okay here we are, now you just wait here and do nothing
The policeman stops another policeman.
Policeman: hey Chet, what is that over there?
Chet: a kid?
Policeman: Nope, number 95!
Chet: Aww man!
Policeman: All right!
Chet: Wait a second I know that kid!
Policeman: You do?
Chet: Yea a bending robot showed me his picture when I caught him picking up some floozies. He said that he was picking up his “sons” nanny from the street corner.
Policeman: Well I’ll be! Lemme run it through the system
He takes Xavier’s fingerprint and checks the computer
Policeman: Your right Chet, he belongs to some oddball and that guy from the stupid ages.
Xavier: Daddy dumb!
Chet: Right you are little fella
Policeman: Let’s send him through the tubes
Chet picks up Xavier and puts him into a transport tube.
Policeman: Send this kid to Planet Express, New New York
Xavier flies off into the tube and starts yelling and screaming with joy
Leela: Bender how’s my baby?
Bender :( nervously) he’s with Fry and they are eating oatmeal in the head museum
Leela: ummmm okay
Bender: They will be here soon once Fry finds X
Bender: Uh your breaking up (makes fake static sounds) got (shhh) to (shhh) go (shhh)
Leela: Oh Lord, Hermes I am leaving and going back home
Hermes: Whatever (he keeps limboing)
Fry: Bender! Have you seen Xavier?
Bender: No, but I saw Elzar and he gave me a signed copy of his cookbook
Zoidberg: Ummm Bender, a footprint on a cookbook isn’t an autograph…
Fry: It’s no use, I’m gonna hafta call-
Suddenly they hear a screaming kid, look up at the tubes and Fry gets hit in the back by Xavier they both land on the ground, Fry face plant and Xavier on top.
Zoidberg: that was so coincidental that you might call it uncanny
Fry gets up and throws Xavier in the air and catches him
Xavier: Daddy Dumb! (he laughs)
Fry: Oh Xavier! I thought I would never see you again! And whatever you just said I agree!
Bender: How ‘bout we all eat some oatmeal?!
He takes oastmeal out of his cheast cabinate and they all sit on the stoop of Planet Express eating Oatmeal, Fry feeding Xavier his. Leela arrives by a taxi at that moment.
Leela: Xavier! (She runs out of the cab and grabs Xavier hugging him tightly and kissing him)
Fry: Hi Sweetie! How was your trip?
Leela: Miserable I kept thinking of the things you-
(she looks at his boyish grin and his concerning eyes and stops her sentence)
Fry: Well, we had fun today right!
Xavier: Daddy take me to stweets and thew tubes and on bweds and daddy dumb!
Leela looks at Fry who is agreeing with everything Xavier is trying to say. They catch each others eyes and kiss.
Zoidberg: Don’t mind if I do!
Leela: Why are you in your underwear?
Xavier: see? Daddy dumb!
Or is it?