Season A - Episode 1: The Bleak Week
By Alex 'MKTai' Fuller
Planet Express HQ - Meeting Table
"Good news everyone!" said Professor Farnsworth to his staff.
"Uh oh," replied Bender. The Professor either didn't hear this remark or forgot about it almost instantly and continued.
"I have a new invention I need to show you, everyone to the lab."
When the Professor finally caught up with his staff in the lab, he drew their attention to a giant microphone and speaker system.
"What's with the giant microphone?" asked Fry.
"It's a giant microphone."
"Another of life's mysteries solved," said Bender.
"We can use it to communicate with planets that we usually couldn't communicate with," added the Professor.
"Well, that wasn't too bad," said Leela as they all turned to leave.
"Oh yes, I need you all to deliver a package of indigestion tablets to Sulphuric 9, a planet made of the strongest acids in the Universe. Enjoy," called the Professor.
"There we go," muttered Bender.
On the ship
"Ok, the anti-acid paint should protect the ship from the acid," briefed Leela. "But just in case everyone should wear these protective suits. Including you Bender."
"hmpf," said Bender and he stomped off.
"Hey Leela," said Fry. "Why won't you still go out with me?"
"um…I just need to think things through first."
"What's there to think through? We're clearly made for each other."
"Look Fry, I just don't know if I'm ready yet. Now get your suit on." Leela left to carry out some final checks with the ship just as Bender returned.
"Why won't she go out with me Bender?"
"I dunno, perhaps she's a long-lost sister or something?"
"Or gay. What am I? A Psychiabot?"
Sulphuric 9 was basically a yellow-brownish ball covered in yellow-brownish clouds. The ship landed on the planet in a yellow-brownish plain. Unfortunately Fry and Bender had forgotten to paint the landing gear with the anti-acid paint. Henceforth the landing gear dissolved almost instantly and the ship fell with a thud. Apart from this the delivery went surprisingly smoothly, no major crap-ups or anything. However, the problem of getting back into space with no landing/take-off gear needed to be solved. However, after creating a ramp in the planet through the use of some excess indigestion pills, the ship was on its way back home.
Planet Express HQ
"You two could've got us stuck there forever," said Leela angrily as the crew got off the ship.
"Sorry," muttered Fry and Bender.
"Oh, the Professor wants to see us in his lab again," said Amy. "I think he's managed to finish inventing something else."
"Hurrah," said Zoidberg.
When they arrived at the Professor's lab, he greeted them accordingly.
"Good news everyone! I've managed to invent a doomsday device."
"I'd hate to hear some bad news," said Bender.
"Professor, why would you want to invent a doomsday device?" asked Leela.
"Oh, I dunno, could be useful if we were invaded the people of Aggro 4. But I suppose I'm just crazy."
"The people of Aggro 4?" asked Fry in a slightly worried voice.
"Yes, a planet with citizens so aggressive that the will destroy anyone who doesn't say 'sir' to them every second word."
"But it's not likely that they'll invade is it?"
"Oh no, they're far, far away. It would take a huge microphone and speaker system to contact them and annoy them so much."
"So how does it work?" asked Fry.
"Well, when it denotes, it sends a hollow sphere of flame hot enough to vaporise any substance within 3 nanoseconds."
"How come it makes a hollow sphere?" asked Leela.
"I'm glad you asked me that. You see the molecules of the actual exploding part are arranged so that the explosion goes in a circle. This is due to the protons and neutrons being loaded onto one-side of the atoms. I call it 'Overbalanced atom syndrome'.
"eh?" said Fry.
"Precisely. I even managed to make it look like a pile of rotting fish."
"Um…" said Amy. "That wouldn't be the pile of rotting fish now residing inside Zoidberg would it?"
"What? Zoidberg! When I get my hands on you I'm going to make myself dinner for the next week!"
The Professor was instantly covered in ink as Zoidberg warbled away from the scene.
"Hang on Professor, won't the device simply pass through his system?" said Leela.
"Ah yes, good thing I made the device out of indigestible material. So no harm done then"…
Unfortunately the Professor had chosen to stand next to the giant microphone at the exact point of his shouting his threat at Zoidberg. And even more unfortunately the speaker happened to be pointed exactly at Aggro 4. So within a matter of days the Aggro 4 Ministry of War and Other Aggressive Things had summoned an attack force. Earth was now deeply boned.
A Couple of Days Later
The Planet Express crew were busy watching the news -
"Earthlings panicked today when a huge fleet form Aggro 4 began to orbit the Earth for no apparent reason. However, it was explained to some extent when they sent this message -
'We have arrived in order to send this revolting planet into oblivion. We have brought along a giant cannon with which we shall do the destroying. However, it will take one week so you puny idiots should enjoy it while you can. No one will leave. Have an awful day.'
Earth President Nixon gave this statement -
'Earth will not give into our inevitable doom. Captain Zapp Brannigan will lead our forces in a glorious crusade. That is if he wasn't busy blowing up some other planet. In the meantime I am open to suggestion about how to save Earth.'"
"Morbo laughs at the planet's patheticness."
"Hmm…well I for one am not prepared to sit around and wait for impending doom," said Leela. "Perhaps the Professor can do something with that doomsday device."
"Hey Professor, have you managed to get the doomsday device form Zoidberg yet?"
"Um…are you going to tell us how we can use it to save ourselves?"
"Oh my yes, I can attach it to a missile which we can send towards the aliens' giant cannon. We it gets there it will blow and take out the vast majority of their attack force. Now I only have one so we mustn't miss."
"To the President!" cried Bender.
"Well ok, but only because everyone else's plans involved making them President for a day, " said Nixon upon hearing the plan. "The missile will be launched tomorrow at 0800 hours."
Next Day - Firing of the Missile
"Oh Professor, can I do the countdown?" asked Fry.
"5…4…3…2…1…Blast-off…I mean Fire!"
The Professor pressed the red button to fire the missile and a plume of smoke appeared beneath it and it shot towards the cannon which was orbiting directly above New New York. However, as Leela is about to discover it didn't go quite to plan.
"Oh no!" said Leela as she looked through a telescope at the giant cannon.
"What? Space cow?" said Fry.
"No, the missile bounced off the cannon and hit a planet."
"I knew it was too simple to be true," said Bender.
"Better that planet than us, eh?" said Fry.
"No you idiot, it still means we're going to die in six days anyway," snapped Hermes.
"Bummer. Look Leela, if we are going to die within a week you may as well go out with me. At least to see what you've missed."
"I doubt I've mussed much, but if it will get you to be quiet and I've nothing much else planned for my last week alive then fine."
Planet Express HQ - Leela gets ready for date with help from Amy
"So you've finally decided to give Fry and chance eh?" said Amy.
"What do you mean?"
"Come on, he's been trying to get you to go out with him for ages."
"Yeah I know."
"So why haven't you given him a chance yet?"
"It's just… I'm not sure if I want to get myself into a serious relationship with someone who makes such random decisions which often result in near-death experiences."
"You know at least of half of those things are because he was trying to impress you."
"Look, just wait until after tonight before making any more conclusions."
Planet Express HQ - Fry gets ready for date with help from Bender
"Finally bagged her then meatbag?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, she's going out with you isn't she? You've wanted that for ages."
"Yes…but these aren't the ideal circumstances and she still doesn't seem to enthusiastic about it."
"Bah, stupid humans."
"Table for two? Right this way. One percent off with it being the end of the world and all. So what will you be wanting?"
"Um, I'll have the Flaming Squid. Leela?" replied Fry.
"Oh, the Neptunian Slug will do fine."
"Ok, here is some moderately-priced wine for you to enjoy while you wait."
"Is it on the house?" asked Fry.
While Fry and Leela waited for the food conversation drifted from Leela's day to Fry's futile attempts at humour to the depressing but inevitable end of the world. When the food did arrive it was time for conversation to drift to Fry and Leela's relationship.
"So why haven't you gone out with me before Leela?"
"I mean properly, those other times were either fake or not really me."
"You consider this a proper date?"
"You know what I mean."
"I don't know…"
"But we're clearly made for each other, have you counted the number of times we almost kissed?"
Fry leant over and took Leela's hands.
"It's just I'm always so…argh!" Fry leapt up with his tie in flames. Leela laughed as Fry frantically search for some water. Eventually he managed to extinguish it in the fish tank. Leela smiled as he came back. Fry decided that he should move his Flaming Squid to the side before trying again.
"As I was saying, it's just I'm always so happy when I'm with you. I'm certain you're the only person I can be with."
Fry and Leela's heads closed together over the table and they kissed.
Author's Notes - Ok, this is the start of a series of fan-fics following on from the TV series (henceforth referred to as 'Episodes') which are going to be linked (sort of like the usual series but probably more visible continuations of storylines). This was going to be posted in one part, but I decided it would be better that you see part one of Episode 1 now and part two in a few days. Note this is my first attempt at a fan-fic so please don't kill me ^_^. Oh yes, and if the fan-fic contradicts some previous episodes then pretend they didn't exist and apologies if I inadvertently 'copied' anyone's ideas. Not intentional - trust me J.
Oh and I know the title sucks, but I'm rubbish at those things. I think that's it.