Fan Fiction

Unfortold Story Of The Ramaness, part 2
By Rush

Scene: Outside Planet Express. The thunderstorm begins to get even worse from not only lightning striking almost every second, nor from the heavy rain, but hailstones the size of footballs rain fall from the sky; smashing car windscreens also denting them, and the odd pedestrians who hasn't taken cover are getting hit on the head thus knocking them to the ground unconscious.

Sometime later. The thunderstorm has died down a little no longer is it raining hailstones.

[Fry climbs out of Zoidberg's Dumpster wearing a purple wig (or more or less actually a completely perfect genetic copy of Leela's hair.)]

Fry: 'Okay, as long I keep this wig on my head the Professor won't know who I am....Oh someones coming!

[Fry jumps back into the dumpster out of sight, Hairbot comes towards the dumpster, and throws replacement hair for all the staff of Planet Express into the dumpster.]

Hairbot: 'Hairy hairy, I'm a pretty boy!

[As Hairbot goes out of sight, Fry climbs out of the dumpster, and walk heading towards Planet Express's front door.]

Fry: (nervously) 'Okay be brave.

[Fry knocks on the door; a few second later Farnsworth answers.]

Farnsworth: 'Who are you? [He put his hand over his nose gabbing it with this index finger and thump.] Oh my! You smell like Zoidberg.

Fry: (nervously) 'Uh...um I'm a fan. Yeah smelly fan, of your inventions and research.

[Fry smiles awkwardly as Farnsworth adjusts his glasses.]

Farnsworth: 'A smelly fan you say? Why didn't you say that before?!

Fry: (nervously) 'Uh..errr...well...... um...I--

Farnsworth: 'Never mind, let my show you around!

Scene: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The two walk in.

Farnsworth: 'That's my lab table and this is my work-stool. And over there is my intergalactic spaceship! [He points in the general direction of a big red spaceship (The Planet Express Ship) in a huge hangar next to the lab.] And here's where I keep assorted lengths of wire.

[He opens a drawer but Fry is more interested in what's in the hangar.]

Fry: 'What happened did you give the ship a paint job overnight?

Farnsworth: 'What are you talking about?

Fry: 'Uh, I mean. Whoa! A real live spaceship!

Farnsworth: 'I designed it myself. Let me show you some of the different lengths of wire I used.

Fry: 'Nah.

Farnsworth: 'Well, okay then, any more questions then?

Fry: 'Why is the... um the ship red, isn't meant to be green? and....[He notices the logo "Awesome Express" on the wing from "The Route of All Evil".] and why is there the Awesome Express logo on the ship's wing? I thought we got rid of that?... You know a few weeks ago when you got the company back from your son Cubert?

Farnsworth: 'Nonsense! I only have one son! What conspiracies have you been reading about me? I tell you none of them are true! Their all lies! Oh and as for the logo of "Awesome Express" and the red colour, my son suggested we repaint the ship red, plus also rename the company from "Planet Express" to "Awesome Express" around 4 years ago. Or was it 3 years ago? I forget.

Fry: 'Yeah, okay whatever. Back to what I was saying. You know Cubert, your clone?

Farnsworth: [rubbing his chin thoughtfully.] 'Hmm, well, I was thinking of cloning myself around 16 years ago, but I flipped a coin and it came up heads, so I didn't. Although I have already my biologically son named Igner, [Fry's jaw drops.] who I've got 100% custody from Mom; when she got back together with her ex husband........(menacingly) Wernstrom!

Fry: 'Wait! Igner is your son?

Farnsworth: 'Yes. Want to know how I got 100% custody from Mom?

Fry: 'Um sure.

Farnsworth: 'You see around 6 years ago in 3001....

Flashback: Planet Express: Farnsworth's Lab. The staff are all assembled.]

Farnsworth: 'Everyone, I have a very dramatic announcement. So anyone with a weak heart should leave now. Goodbye.

[He turns to leave.]

Leela: 'Uh, Professor?

Farnsworth: 'Oh, oh, yes, the announcement! As you all know, I am not long for this world.

Leela: 'Yes, we know.

Hermes: 'True, mon.

Amy: 'Buh!

Fry: 'One foot in the grave.

Farnsworth: 'So I've picked my successor. It's someone in whom I have great faith -- even though his mind is undeveloped and he's accomplished nothing. [Fry flexes his fingers and chuckles.] My closest living relative.

Fry: 'Oh, yeah!

Farnsworth: Igner J. Farnsworth and he's right over there.

[Farnsworth points his right index finger to show Igner standing nervously  in a doorway behind them.]

Igner: 'Hi!

[Everyone gasps.]

Bender: (shouting) 'Wait! You never told us you had son, nor did you tell us he was you're son!

Farnsworth: 'Oh well, I might as well tell you see around a week ago as it were....

Flashback On A Flashback: Mom's Friendly Robot Company Building: Mom's Office. Mom who is asleep snoring loudly sits on her office chair at her desk smoking a very short cigarette hanging from her mouth; Farnsworth who stands before her desk smiles awkwardly.

Farnsworth: 'Wake up!

Mom: (waking up) 'Who the sweaty Hell?!............(softy) Hubert Farnsworth? It's been a long time. 

Farnsworth: 'Enough talking! I want 100% custody for my son Igner, and to change his name to Igner J. Farnsworth!

[Mom takes out from under her desk a sheet of paper.]

Mom: 'Just sigh here at the bottom. [He sighs his signature and writes Igner J. Farnsworth for the new name for his son near the top of the sheet.]  Now you have legally adopted him.

Farnsworth: 'Yippee!

Mom: 'Oh just one more thing!

Farnsworth: 'What?

[Mon takes out a red squirrel from under her desk.]

Mom: 'I'll jam this squirrel in you!

[Mom stuffs the squirrel into his mouth.]

Fade back to: Farnsworth's Lab.

Bender: 'Well that explains that then.

[Present day.]

Fry: 'Okay, I'm oafishly confused beyond compare, but I'm not complaining. So did any special events happen recently? Like a Opera or something?

Farnsworth: 'Well, nothing along the lines of a Opera ever for me to recall. As for special recent events though, we did have a delivery to "The Nude Beach Planet". Where something most unusual happened.

Fry: 'What?

Farnsworth: 'Well, what happened was......

Flashback: The Nude Beach Planet. Bender in a beach chair. Solar panels deploy from his head].

Bender: 'Sweet photons. I don't know if you're waves or particles, but you go down smooth.

Nudar: 'Sir, would you care to sign our petition?

Bender: 'I support and oppo--[There is flash of light and a U-J-Bender appears holding a two headed red laser-chainsaw and his right leg is "MG42-Machine-gun"] While his other leg "his left" looks like a sewer pipe.] Whoa! [He runs off towards the red Planet Express Ship.] I'm getting outta here!

U-J-Bender: (mechanically) 'I've have been sent here to destroy the following; Flebb,Schlump, Nudar!

[He lifts his sewer pipe like left leg, and spews out tick lauds of fire like a flamethrower setting alight Flebb, who runs screaming towards the sea. Then quickly he cuts Schlump's body in half downwards mutilating him with the laser-chainsaw; spraying his blood everywhere.]

Nudar: (screaming) 'Ahhhhhh!

Nudar runs away along with everyone, who run and scatter in a panic in all different directions. While U-J-Bender uses his "MG42-Machine-gun" to shoot down Schlump in the sea killing him.]

U-J-Bender: (mechanically) 'You can not escape Nudar. [He he turns his MG42-Machine-gun leg and shoots Nudar in the back of the head killing him; bursts his brains out.] Mission complete.

[There is a flash of light and U-J-Bender disappears.]

[Present day.]

Farnsworth: 'And Scruffy had to clean up the mess afterwards.

Fry: 'Man, that was a strange story.

Farnsworth: 'Indeed. As for more special events that have happened recently.....Well not that recently more like 3 or 4 years ago....but I don't really wanna talk about it.

Fry: 'What you don't really wanna talk about?

Farnsworth: 'Well the time I sent my crew to gather acid-blood from poisonous genetically enhanced mutant Hornets that are called "Grim Space Hornets" what had escaped from laboratory, which was mine; anyhow I really just wanted the Grim Space Hornets' Queen's blood.

Fry: 'Okay, what's so bad about that?

Farnsworth: 'Well, something terrible happened.

Fry: 'What?

Farnsworth: 'My Delivery Boy "Philip J. Fry" who is my Uncle from the year 2000, was killed sacrificing his own life for Leela taking the short stinger of a young baby Space Grim Hornet Queen to the chest, thus killing him.

Fry: 'But how did I....I mean how did... did did he die. (thinking) None of this makes sence!

Farnsworth: 'Well if it was a young baby Space Bee or young baby Space Wasp, Fry would have survived, but the poison from a young baby Space Grim Hornet Queen is hundreds if not thousands of times more toxic then both the young baby Space Bee Queen or the young baby Space Wasp Queen put together.

Fry: 'But what if it was a young baby Space Bee Queen, or a young baby Space Wasp Queen that stung me--him?

Farnsworth: 'Well if Leela was behind Fry, and either of which had stung him, there would be chance of saving both of their lives, if their brought to hospital in time; however the best hope you'll get out of Leela is to be in a vegetable like state forever.

Fry: 'That not true! I stayed by her bedside taking to her in a hospital for two weeks and she......... My God that's why everyone is acting so weird.

Farnsworth: 'What do you mean? [Fry removes his wig dropping it on the floor; Farnsworth gasps.] fearfully) Oh my science be damned...but you can't be alive? Yet if you were Homo Coprophagus Somnambulus you would have had eaten my brains by now. So what are you?

Fry: 'I'm nothing but a hopelessly in love Delivery Boy, who's very confused at the moment.

Farnsworth: 'What? Ha ha ha. You may be a mere Delivery Boy but your certainly not hopelessly in love.

Fry: 'I'm not?

Farnsworth: 'You two just can't keep your hands off each other; like making-out or tickling each other on the couch, well she would always win but she would end up kissing your face off; not literally of course, and always sneaking off the showers to do God knows what.

Fry: 'What did you mean by "you two"?

Farnsworth: 'As in you and your girlfriend Leela.

Fry: 'Are you playing a cruel joke with me? It's not funny!

Farnsworth: 'No no I'm not. However since you've been gone Leela has been...Well completely miserable; she's been not sleeping, treating to kill herself, and has she tells me and everyone that she cries herself to sleep almost every night; nor has she tried to move on, or date someone else.

Fry: 'My God, poor Leela. Wait... do you also mean she loves me?

Farnsworth: 'Well yes. She is in love you, too much I say. Now I gotta go to bed for work tomorrow.

Fry: 'What do you mean work?

Farnsworth: 'At "Dad's Friendly Robot Company" which I'm head of.

Fry: 'Okay, I feel if I ask any more questions my brain will explode.

Farnsworth: 'What do you mean?

Fry: 'Didn't you mean Mom's Friendly Robot Company?

Farnsworth: 'Well that company is gone now, dew to actions against humanity, thus upon it's ashes came a new less corrupt company which I was appoint head of Dad's Friendly Robot Company though Mom is still rich and still owns herself Mom's Friendly Delivery Company, and maybe a few othters.

Fry: 'Right.

Farnsworth: 'Good night now, and go home to your apartment.

Fry: 'My apartment?

Farnsworth: (angrily) 'Yes, "Apartment 1 I" with you're girlfriend Leela. [He growls.] Now if you excuse me, I'm off to the Angry Dome, to fume for several hours and after I'm done fuming; I'm off to bed!

[Farnsworth walks out of the room waving his fists and growling.]

Fry: 'Okay just what the Hell is going on here?

Voice: 'Perhaps I can help.

[Fry turns around and sees Igner standing in the doorway wearing a lab-coat and pair of glasses as thick as Farnsworth's.]

Fry: 'I don't need another idiot like myself to assist me.

Igner: (angrily) 'I am not a idiot, you idiot! (speaking quietly rubbing his chin thoughtfully) That must be from some other parallel universe to mine!

Fry: 'What?

Igner: (angrily) 'Nothing, look if you want to know what's really going on, meet down in the sub-basement when you're ready. [He walks out of the room .] (muttering) Yeah Dad, no time for science anymore huh? And I'm his apprentice?

To be continued