Futurama

Fan Fiction

Foghat Grey Benders Vs Golden Benders
By Rush

Opening Scene: On a sunny day in a hilly english countryside the sound of marching can be heard. Then a vast massive army of hundreds of thousands of grey Bending Units armed with all kinds of medieval weaponry come into view over a large hill. Pan to a grey Bending Unit wearing a black pirates' hat with his hand raised in the air.]

Captain Grey Bending Unit: #1 (shouting) 'Halt! [The army comes to a stop, and the marching sound stops as well; then two huge gigantic grey Bending Units about 20 feet tall come into view stepping in front of the smaller grey Bending Units below them. A grey Bending Unit (looking like Titanius Anglesmith from Bender's Game with a golden crown encrusted with jewels) mounted on a brown horse holding a large round plate shield in his left hand; he goes to his Captain's side.] So what's are next move my King Foghat Grey Bender?

[The Bending Unit on the horse with his right hand draws his long-sword raising it in the air.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: (shouting) 'Captain Bend-O our move is, that you two big guys stay there, we'll call you when we need ya. As for the the rest of us, charge!

[King Foghat Grey Bender leading the charge rushes down the hill along with Captain Bend-O towards a typical (not very typical) well fortified castle on a hill with average medieval walls (with the odd tower here and there about 30 can be seen in-view now.) that stretch for at least 2 miles around (if you want more info on castles please check this “site ").]

[Pan over to top of the outer castle's walls, where golden Bending Units holding golden bricks in their hands (also a short sword in a scabbard strapped to the side of them) having their backs to the wall's crenellations in front of them. Zoom to a Bending Unit wearing a black magnetic bow-tie holding a crossbow with a bolt loaded ready to fire.]

Golden Archer Officer Bending Unit: (shouting) 'Steady! Steady!  [A golden Bending Unit wearing a silver crown (looking similar to Titanius Anglesmith from Bender's Game) walks up steps towards him holding a large square plate shield in his right hand.] My King Golden Bender?

King Golden Bender: 'Carry on Officer Flexist. [He walks to Flexist's side.] On my order, you fire. [He whispers to him.] First, fire a warning shot. [With his left hand he draws his long-sword.]

[Pan to: King Foghat Grey Bender charging towards the walls with his other Grey Bending Units, comes to a stop when a crossbow bolt hits into the ground near his horse's front hoofs.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: (shouting) 'Hold! [The whole army comes to a stop about less than half a mile away from the walls.] Brick throwers, go ahead! Make them eat are red bricks!

[Hundreds of Grey Bending Units holding red bricks rush towards the walls, while the rest of the army and grey king holds back.]

King Golden Bender: (shouting) 'Fire! [The golden Bending Units come out from behind their crenellations, throw their bricks as well as the Golden Bending Units high above in the towers with their bows and crossbows fire their arrows and bolt/darts down below at the charging Grey Bending Units.]

Pan to: Grey Bending Unit below dropping his brick on the ground in shock, looking at the vast amount of bricks, arrows and bolt/darts that darkens the sky as they speedily go towards him and his other fellow grey Bending Units.

Grey Bending Unit: #1 'We're boned! [An arrow goes through his eye (though not coming out the other side of his head).] Ooowww. My eye! [Followed by a crossbow bolt going right through his mouth out the other side still going strong hitting another Grey Bending Unit from behind him.] Ow! [Then a golden brick hits him on the head knocking him over, all the while many others of his fellow Grey Bending Units are being ripped apart and slaughtered by the huge load of arrows, bolts/darts and bricks fired upon them by the Golden Bending Units over at the castle. Pan over to a surviving grey Bending Unit on his foot-cuffs wearing a black magnetic beard like Flexo's.]

Grey Brick Thrower Officer: (shouting ) 'Fall back! [He begins to run back.] Fall back! [The remaining few dozen of Grey Bending Unit run back towards their king.] Come on, we can make it! [Many of his unit are cut down by arrows, bolt/darts and bricks as they run.] Don't look back! [At least 30 or so manage to reach to safety out of range.] I'm sorry my king. We were being butchered like cattle out there!

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'It's OK. That was stupid of me. We need to think of something else.

Grey Bending Unit: [near by] #2 'How about we set up camp and rest for the night?

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Good plan, [He dismounts off his horse.] we did an awful lot of marching today.

[Time Lapse. Night time. In the middle of the huge camp-site of thousands of tents Grey Bending Units; drink, smoke (cigars) laugh, look at porno mags, sing old fock songs and play banjos while sitting around a bonfire. Loud snoring and burping can be heard throughout the camp-site, while in the background in the distance the Golden Bending Unit's Castle can be seen.

Pan to: Outskirts of the camp site. King Foghat Grey Bender stands on a hill looking over at the castle scratching his ass thoughtfully.

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Hmm, [He opens his chest cabinet, takes out a cigar lights it up using his middle finger as a lighter.] I've got it!

[Pan to 3 other smaller Grey Bending Units cam-sites surrounding the castle.]

[Time Lapse in the morning.  Ahead of the main army of Grey Bending Units; dozens of other Grey Bending Units push wooden siege weapons such as, 30 siege towers, 30 catapults and 10 trebuchets (also Grey Bending Units carrying many ladders, plus mantlet shields) plus two huge step-ladders on wheels with one of the two giant grey Bending Units each pushing their own one.]

[Pan to: King Foghat Grey Bender back on his horse gesturing to his soldiers with his sword pointing it at towards the castle.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: (shouting) 'Forward march!

Pan to: With his back to a crenellation King Golden Bender looks at the grey Bending Unit army marching towards him on the walls. King Golden Bender elbows a Bending Unit next to him wearing a green scarf.

King Golden Bender: (quietly) Captain Bendan, us two have-to fall back to the second level before we're killed.

Bendan: (quietly) 'Yes, my king.

[Both he and Bendan walk along the walls till they reach a door of a tower along it.]

Cut to: Flight Of Stairs. King Golden Bender and Bendan run down the tower's flight of stairs out through a door at the bottom.

Cut to: Outside. On flat grassland King Golden Bender and Bendan run towards a less then half a mile away second level of walls made of Diamondium which are a few inches taller with a long deep moat going all along outside of them. When they reach the moat, a very thick reinforced Diamondillium drawbridge lowers down from a gate house from the other side of the moat, which King Golden Bender and Bendan walk across and once their on the other-side the drawbridge closes going back up. Behind the second level of walls can be seen a tall pink keep about 50 feet high made of electromatter.]

Pan to: Skyward view of the second level of walls about 3 times thicker than The Great Wall Of China with tens of thousands of Golden Bending Units stationed on top of them.

Pan to: King Foghat Grey Bender raising his right hand in the air.

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Halt. [His army comes to a stop about half a mile away from the outer walls.] Catapults and trebuchets line up and unleash hell upon them. And fire yourselves if you have to. [Catapults and trebuchets line up with some grey Bending Units pushing them.] Hit them with everything we've got!

[Catapults and trebuchets fire rocks/boulders at the walls knocking a few small holes in them, chipping off a few crenellations.]

Pan to: Two grey Bending Units, one on the left has loaded himself in a Catapult, while the other on the right has loaded himself in a trebuchet.

Both Grey Bending Units: 'Fire us!

[At the same time both are fired, they head speedily through the air towards the walls.]

Left Grey Bending Unit: 'I'm gonna make it! [He begins to lower in the air below the wall] Oh, no. [He smacks head first into the wall.] Ow! [He slides all the way down it onto the ground, while the grey Bending Unit on the right made it over the wall.]

[Pan to: Other-side of the wall the other Grey Bending Unit lands on his back about half a mile away from the second level of walls.]

Grey Bending Unit: 'Ow! [A few dozen other Grey Bending Unit fall from the sky landing beside him that came over the outer walls.] Reinforcements?

[Pan back over to main Grey Bending Units army outside the wall. The two giant grey Bending Units crap two huge red brick about the size of small cars.]  

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Throw them at them! [The two giant Bending Units at the same time, pick up their bricks, and throw them. One bashes right through the wooden gate with one tower on either side of it, while the other bashes a huge hole in the wall near the gate-house, causing it to collapse (crushing a few dozen Golden Bending Units beneath the rubble, who where on that part of the wall when it collapsed), creating a even larger hole in it.] Yes! [He dismounts off his horse, drawing his sword.] Giants hold back. My Bodyguard Elite Knights charge for the gap in the wall with me [Pointing to a group of up to 50 or so Bending Units with thick silver plated heavy armour all  having large round plate shields in their left hands, and with long-swords in their right hands.] While simply the Knights Bendlar go for the gate [Pointing at a group of about 100 Bending Units all holding two handed finely made swords wearing white armor and round helmets not unlike the Knights Templar.] So at any rate, charge! [The Knights Bendlar and the Bodyguard Elite Knights charge towards the walls.]

[Pan to: Golden Bending Units on the walls firing their arrows, bricks darts/bolt at the charging Bending Unit Elite Knights and the Knights Bendlar as they come towards them. The bombardment from the Golden Bending Unit has no effect on the Grey Bodyguard Elite Knights and the Knights Bendlar. The Bodyguard Elite Knights rush through the gap in the wall meeting with Golden Bending Unit Elite Knights blocking the gap (all have large square plate shields in their right hands, and with long-swords in their left hands).]

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Attack! [He with his bodyguards fight the Golden Bending Unit Elite Knights blocking the gap. While at the same time the Knights Bendlar rush into the gate, dodging  the boiling oil dropped down on top of them, meeting up another group of  Golden Bending Units armed with finely made claymore swords wearing black heavy armour (not unlike Teutonic Knights) with golden horns coming out from the sides of their helmets. Pan to a Knights Bendlar soldier wearing a black magnetic beard like Flexo's.]

Knights Bendlar Officer: 'Bendonic Knights? Attack!

[The Knights Bendlar fight the Bendonic Knights to get through the gate.]

[Pan to: Masses of grey Bending Units with tens of thousands of them wearing medium chain mail armour armed with round plate shields in their left hands, and with long-swords in their right hands, who are rushing towards the walls hundreds of them carrying ladders; and many of them are being killed as they run towards the walls with the Gold Bending Unit firing down on them. Pan to a grey Bending Unit wearing a black magnetic beard like Flexo's below the wall.]

Grey Bending Unit Officer: 'Scale the walls, Grey Grunts! [Hundreds of Grey Grunts all across the wall climb up ladders as they are being lifted and pushed up the walls by grey Bending Units below.] Up those walls men! [Grey Grunts on top of the ladders jump over the crenellations into mist of unarmoured Golden Bending Units and start fighting them, while more and more Grey Grunts climb up the ladders jumping over the crenellations to reinforce them in the attack.]

Pan back: Over to King Foghat Grey Bender with his bodyguards fighting the Golden Bending Unit Elite Knights.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Die! [He stabs a enemy; his sword gets stuck in his armour. The gold knight laughs.] Oh, crap. [A Grey Bending Unit Elite Bodyguard rushes towards his king to defend him.]

Grey Bending Unit Bodyguard Elite Knight: 'My king! [He shield bashes the gold knight with his king's sword stuck in him, knocking him to the ground.] Ahh! [He pulls the gold knight's helmet off, and stabs him in the face.] Are you all-right my king?!

[Another golden knight charges towards King Foghat Grey Bender, grey king picks up the golden knight's long-sword from his corpse, just in time to block a swing with his sword from the gold knight, who he then kicks knocking him to the ground; then he pulls the gold knight's helmet off, and stabs him in the face.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'Fine, why do you ask?

[A few dozen Grey Grunts come to support the King's bodyguards in the gap and the Knights Bendlar at the gate.]

[Pan to a group of hundreds of Grey Bending Units charging towards the walls armed with long-bows and a short sword in a scabbard strapped to the side of them.]

Grey Archer Officer Bending Unit: 'Hold! [The grey archers take position lining up while dozen of other grey Bending Units rushing in front of them placing down mantlets to protect them.] Ready. [The golden Bending Units on none under attack parts of walls fire valley of arrows, brick and dart/bolts at them. The mantlets block many of the air born missile, only managing to kill a hand full of grey Archers.] Fire. [Grey Archers fire their arrows killing a few dozen Golden Bending Units on the walls.]

[Pan to grey Bending Units being fired from trebuchets over the outer walls.]

[Pan to Captain Bend-O wearing thick steel plate armour with a long-sword and a round plate shield fighting on the walls.]

Captain Bend-O: 'Ahh! [He cuts the head off a golden Bending Unit, then blocks a stab with his shield from the Bending Unit's body still fighting him even without a head with his short sword.] Take that! [He bashes the Golden Bending Unit's body with his shield knocking it off the wall. Grey Bending Units go flying over him.] Whoa!

Cut to: Flight Of Stairs.  Dozens of Grey Grunts fight Golden Bending Units as they run down the steps.

Cut to: Outside behind the outer walls, Grey Grunts burst out a door below a tower next to a gate  where enemy Bendonic Knight hold off their friends the Knights Bendlar. The Grey Grunts attack the Bendonic Knights from behind reinforcing their allies.

[Pan over to grey Bending Units charging towards Golden Bending Unit Elite Knights defending the gap in the wall from the King Foghat Grey Bender and his bodyguards.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'We have them now! [More grey Bending Units go flying over their heads to where their reinforcements came from.]

[Pan to outside walls. A giant grey Bending Unit pushes a step ladder against the wall where Golden Bending Units and grey Bending Units are still fighting. In other parts of the walls siege towers lower their bridges onto the wall with more grey Bending Units storming onto the walls to support their friends already fighting on the walls.]

Giant Grey Bending Unit #1: (roaring) 'Rrrrrrr! [He climbs up the ladder.]

Pan to: Another giant grey Bending Unit near to one of the outer wall's gate houses with dozens of Bending Units below him giving him doggy eye looks.

Giant Grey Bending Unit #2:  'Aww! Here you go. [ He unscrews his head off and hands it to the smaller grey Bending Units below him, who carry it rushing towards a gate-house; from when they reach it they use the giant grey Bending Unit's head as a battering ram against the gate.]

[Pan back over to the other giant grey Bending Unit jumping over the outer wall from on top of the step ladder.]

Cut to: Opposite side of the wall. The giant grey Bending Unit landing on his foot-cuffs on the grass on the opposite side of the wall leaves two huge deep round holes in the ground from where he landed.

Giant Grey Bending Unit #1: (roaring) 'Aroo! [Dozens of Golden Bending Units armed with axes spring out of the ground.] Ahh! [The Giant Grey Bending Unit stamps on a Golden Bending Unit flattening him like a pancake.] Crushed like a bug! [The Golden Bending Units throw grappling hooks at him which wrap around him.] Hey! [He pulls one sending six Golden Bending Units that were holding onto the rope high into the air, while stamping on a few Golden Bending Units at his foot-cuffs below him. Dozens more grappling hooks are thrown wrapping around him.] Oh, crap!

Golden Bending Unit: 'Bring it down! [They pull on the ropes attached to the Giant Grey Bending Unit] Bring it down!

Giant Grey Bending Unit #1: 'Ahhh! [He falls over landing on some Golden Bending Units crushing them; dozens of Golden Bending Units jump onto him hacking him with their axes] Ow! Ow! Ow! Get-the-hell-off-of-me! [He starts picking up Golden Bending Units throwing them off him.] Get off! [King Foghat Grey Bender with his bodyguards and the Knights Bendlar jump onto him clearing (killing) off the Golden Bending Units on him.] Thanks!

[Tens of thousands of grey Bending Units come down off the walls onto the grass land, a gate bursts open with even more grey Bending Unit rushing out dropping a Giant Grey Bending Unit's head onto the ground.]

[Time Lapse: Night Time. The grey Bending Units have set up camp sites near the outer walls.]

[Pan to King Foghat Grey Bender standing on top of a tower at the outer walls looking at the second level of walls in the distance.]

King Foghat Grey Bender: 'There's no way I'm sending my men to attack that unbreakable castle. Just how am I gonna get enough dirt and spades to fill in that moat? It seems I must have my men to starve them out.

Narrator: And so a few months later when the Golden Bending Units inside the castle ran out of beer, they immediately surrendered to the Grey Bending Units, who made them kiss their shiny metal asses forever to submit to their greatness.

[The screen flashes purple pulling back to show the What-If-machine with Farnsworth watching the screen sitting on a white hover arm chair.]

Farnsworth: 'So that's what things would be like if Futurama was made into both a Stronghold and Total War game or a mod. [He sighs.] A man can dream though. [He falls asleep snoring loudly.] (sleep-talking) A man can indeed dream.

The End.

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