Fan Fiction

By Rush

Scene: Roof of Fulcrum County Prism. Farnsworth and Wenrstrom have the cake on a table. Farnsworth presses some of the candles in and the cake transforms into a smelloscope. Wernstrom sniffs.

Wenrstrom: 'Curses, if we could only turn up the gain, we might smell clear through to the other universe! But we can't adjust it without a screwdriver.

Farnsworth: 'Wait a moment. I think I was just shanked with a screwdriver!

[Farnsworth reaches around behind his back and, with some groaning, extracts a screwdriver.]

Farnsworth: 'Yes!

Wernstrom: 'A little more. ... A little less. ... Heavens to meteoroid! Smell this!

Farnsworth: 'Holy mother of invention!

Wernstrom: 'We must tell the president at once!

Farnsworth: 'But how can we?

[There is a blinding flash of light followed by the appearance of a giant 500-foot tall Bending Unit exactly like "Anthology of Interest I: Giant Bender". Giant Bender stands on the grass outside the prism. The guards exchange looks then run in all different directions screaming.]

Giant-U-J-Bender: (shouting) 'I am Giant-U-J-Bender sent here on a mission! [He craps a brick the size of a bus which he picks up and throws at apart of the fence of the prism which bursts a hole in it, which then the convicts storm out cheering.]

Escaping Convict: (shouting) 'Hooray for the Giant robot.

[Bender walks towards the prism. Farnsworth and Wernstrom stand in the open.]

Farnsworth: (shouting) 'Oh dear God no! I'm still way too young to die!

Wernstrom: 'Me too!

[Giant-U-J-Bender takes out from his chest cabinet a clear glass jar with tiny air holes on top, it's about the size of a mini-bus. He opens the lid, then picks up both screaming Farnsworth and Wernstrom and places them inside the jar, which he then puts the lid back on, and places it back inside his chest cabinet.]

Scene: Outside White House. Two gun mounts rise from the roof, the gunners fire at Giant-U-J-Bender running towards the White House.

[Pan over to Giant-U-J-Bender running towards the White House being hit by lasers.]

Giant-U-J-Bender: 'Ow! Whoa! [He falls over a yellow parked on grass hover car shaped like a banana; Farnsworth and Wernstrom scream inside.] Ow! [He stands up.] Cut it out! C'mon! Stop that!

Farnsworth: (Echoing from inside Bender) 'What's going on out there? I hear loud noises!

Wernstrom: (Echoing from inside Bender) 'Plus why are we rocking?

Giant-U-J-Bender: 'Shut up! Ow. [He craps a brick.] Oh now, you're gonna get it! [He picks his brick up and throws it.] Take that!

[Pan over to White House roof a huge brick come speeding towards the Left Gunner, that smashes into him splitting his guts everywhere.]

Right Gunner: 'Screw this! [He runs away and jumps off the roof.]

[Bender slows down, now continuing to walk towards the White House. When he reaches the White House, he takes out the jar containing Farnsworth and Wernstrom places it side ways on the ground, opens the lid. Farnsworth and Wernstrom crawl out.]

Giant-U-J-Bender: 'My work here is done! (saying a time code really fast) A0?20?30106080?700?k005?00200?4o0?0g0?0r0z000?11?40!

[Giant-U-J-Bender disappears with a blinding flash of light.]

Wernstrom: 'That can't be good for our eye sight!

Farnsworth: 'Indeed.

Scene: President's Oval Office. Nixon's head in a jar is on his desk reading some notes.

Nixon: 'Sometimes ... Always ... Never! [Farnsworth and Wernstrom walk in.] You again? This better be damed important. I'm right in the middle of a Cosmo survey!

Farnsworth: 'You would want to hear this, Mr. President. For we have sniffed where no man has sniffed before!

Scene: Inside The Anomaly. Fry is wearing a space suit floating in space, gasping for breath. He flies clear to the "clouds". A shadow falls over him and his eyes bug out, struggling to breathe. He drifts into a purple tentacled roundish planet sized creature. It's giant eye opens.

Creature: 'I'm not alone any longer. [It wraps one of it's many tentacles around Fry places him on it's body and takes off his space helmet throwing it aside, Fry gasps for breath.] Where did you come from?

Fry: (confused) 'Err, wha … (panicky) What the hell are you? Let go of me!

Creature: 'As you wish. [It unwraps the tentacle around Fry, letting him stand up on his feet.] There is no need to fear me, I will not harm you.

Fry: 'What is your name?! Or what are you? You look like something I've seen before in Japanese porn? [The creature sneakily tries to stick one of it's tentacle into the back of his neck from behind, but Fry sees it from the corner of his eye, and slaps it away.] (shouting) Stop, that! Don't do that! That's sexual harassment!

Creature: 'Ok, I won't force you. As you said asked before I'm Yivo. So what is your name?

Fry: 'Philip J. Fry. But everyone just calls me Fry.

Yivo: 'So where did you come from Fry?

Fry: 'I came through there. [He points at the Anomaly.]

Yivo: 'Are there more of you?

Fry: 'Yes, many and we all look different it's a whole universe. [Many tentacle rush towards the Anomaly] (shouting) No, stop! [Yivo's tentacles come to a halt just before they are about to leave the Anomaly.]

Yivo: 'Why?

Fry: 'If you go out there right now you'll cause a big scene, and scare a whole lot of people.

Yivo: 'You're right, I wouldn't want to do that. So any advice?

Fry: 'If you're going to go out there and ... What do you want to do?

Yivo: 'Stick my tentacles into the back of people's necks?

Fry: 'Phew, at least that's not as bad from what I've seen from make-believe creatures of your kind? So does sticking your tentacles into the back of people's necks make you ... you know get down and get groovy?

Yivo: 'Yes.

Fry: 'Well, Ok. If sending one of your ... Um?

Yivo: 'Genticles.

Fry: 'How charming, not! Anyway sending one of your genticles out there is gonna scare people. If you're gonna go out there be nice, and don't force anyone to mate with you.

Yivo: 'So be friends first, right?

Fry: 'And all there's a whole lot more to it. We may be small but we have feelings, so only stick a genticle into the back of someone's neck if they want you to, don't force anyone ever to love you.

Yivo: 'Wise words. I agree.

Fry: 'I'm gonna tell you even more ...

[Time Lapse.]

Fry: '... Love them and care for them, and if only one person loves you, then leave it at that.

Yivo: 'There's so much more to love, than I originally known. I thank you.

Fry: (timidly) 'Yeah ... [Fry sits down and covers his face with his hand crying silently.] I wish I never got involved with Colleen, then I would of … or might have been with Leela.

Yivo: 'Who's Colleen or Leela?

Fry: (timidly) 'Never mind about Colleen! I just ruined by life! And possibly my best chance I would ever have gotton with Leela.

Yivo: 'Tell me about Leela?

Fry: (timidly) 'No it will bore you!

Yivo: 'No it's won't it will help me understand love more.

Fry: 'Well, it all began in when I fell into a cryogenic freezer sending me one thousand years into the Fut--

Scene: Planet Express Lounge. Farnsworth, Hermes, Leela and Bender sit on the couch watching TV.

Leela: 'So Nixon cleared you and Wernstrom of you of all charges?

Farnsworth: 'Yes yes! Under the threat of a third Omicronian invasion of Earth! Now, the news is on! Be quiet woman!

Morbo: 'Welcome to the evening news. I Morbo is pleased to announce the death of the pathetic human that was sent into the Anomaly. [Leela gasps.] For he is surely dead, because his oxygen tank would of run out by now. Boo-hoo! [Leela stands up.]

Bender: 'This is hardly newsworthy.

Hermes: 'I agree mon.

Leela: (shouting)'Oh, Fry! Why did I let you go?! Turn it off!

Farnsworth: 'What? [Leela narrows her eye at the TV. Legs come out from under the TV and it run away into another room and Bender and Hermes chase after it.]

Bender: 'Hey! Come back! I wanna watch porn on you!

Hermes: 'Get back here!

Farnsworth: 'Now, look what you did, Leela. We were gonna watch porn together and you did this?! Disgraceful!

Leela: [tears ruining down her cheeks] 'Professor, the TV said Fry is dead.

[Farnsworth takes out from his front pocket a tissue, Leela sits down beside him and hugs him.]

Farnsworth: (crying) 'Oh, no! I never got to harvest his organs, just like you Leela, when you had to wake up after being hit on the head by the what-if-machine. [He blows on his tissue, Leela unwraps her arms around him narrowing her eye at him.] (upbeat) Well, let's start finding a replacement Delivery Boy. (confused) Wait, who's dead again?

Leela: (crying) 'F-f-f-f- Fry, Fry is dead, it it, was was, on on, the news.

Farnsworth: (sad) 'Oh my. Fry Fry?

Leela: (crying) 'Yes.

[Farnsworth whales hugging Leela, who pats him on the back.]

Farnsworth: (crying) 'He didn't deserve such a fate, at least not of my doing! (shouting) But still ... [He stand up.] … Fry dead? Impossible! I have an invention called "The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray" that brings back the dead regenerating and rebuilding their whole body what it looked like before death, plus with all their memories, feelings, attributes and everything that person is etc. Mind you I had to have someone use it on myself a few times, good ol Scruffy. I can always count on him finding my dead body lying in a ditch.

Leela: 'Isn't that like perfect cloning Professor? And why didn't you mention this before when Kif died?

Farnsworth: 'I didn't remember. As for the other question about cloning. Well it kinda works like that, but you see "The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray" doesn't make a clone of the targeted corpse or remains, it regenerates and rebuilds … do I have to repeat myself?

Leela: 'No. Wait with "The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray" does that mean you could bring back Lars?

Farnsworth: 'Would you really want to do that? It can't edit memories, just imagine how confused he would be? And if you did that it may very well cause' another rip in the space time continuum, would Lars want that?

Leela: (crying) 'No, [He takes out a tissue from her wrist thingy and blows her nose.]

Farnsworth: 'However, I will see to bringing back Kif. So here's "The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray". [He takes out of pocket something small that looks like a ray gun pistol made of Diamondium.]

Leela: 'If I did that Lars would of died in-vain. Besides he is Fry, and Fry will mature … in time. And maybe just maybe … [Bender and Hermes walk in carrying the TV placing it back down on the table.]

Hermes: 'We got the TV back.

Bender: 'Yeah, we found him in the panic room.

Leela: 'So anyway--

Farnsworth: 'Yes yes. [Bender and Hermes sit down on the couch. ] We'll hear it after, Amy. But right now we're gonna watch porn. [Leela walks out of the room disappearing from sight.] Oh, you're gonna miss out Amy. Or was it Leela? [He waves his hand.] Ah, who cares.

Scene: Planet Express: Corridor. Leela walks down it and hears Amy crying.

Cut to: Locker Room. Amy wears her usual pink clothes sitting on the bench holding in her hand the watch Kif gave her in "Three Hundred Big Boys".

Leela: 'Amy?

Amy: [trying to hide her tears] (timidly) 'Oh, hey Leela.

Leela: 'Amy, come with me! I'll explain on the way.

[She follows Leela out to the Corridor.]

Cut to: Hanger. Amy walks up the steps of the PE ship entering it disappearing from sight, while Leela stands halfway up the ship's steps.

Leela: (shouting) 'Professor, can I borrow the ship?

Farnsworth: (shouting) 'Leela! I'm watching porn here with my friends! Of course you can borrow the ship!

Scene: PE ship flies towards Amphibios 9. Cut to surface the PE ship lands near where Kif was buried. Leela and Amy exit the ship, Leela fires "The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray" at where Kif is buried.

The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray: 'Too many Deoxyribonucleic acid targets please choose which. [It flashes a hologram with a whole long list of Kif Kroker's ancestors.

Amy: 'Kif Kroker.

The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray: 'Clarification request: Kif Kroker of 3008 or Kif Kroker of 2204?

Amy: 'Kif Kroker of 3008.

[A green three fingered hand raises from the mug.]

Amy: (nervously) 'Errr, do you think this was a good idea?

Leela: 'Don't worry, if he's a zombie, I'll blast him with my laser on my communicator a few time first for safety reasons, then kick his head off!

[Kif crawls out from the mug.]

Kif: 'I'm alive? B-but I was killed!

Leela: 'He's not a zombie.

Kif: 'Kiffy, you're back alive!

Kif: 'Amy? [He looks up to see Amy.] (shouting) Amy!

Amy: (crying) 'Kif!

[Kif stands up, then runs towards Amy who runs towards him; and when they reach one another; they hug, kiss, and make out etc.]

[Pan over to Leela with her arms crossed.]

Leela: 'You can do that lovey dovey stuff on the ship! But right now, we have to go to the anomaly and get my Fry back. Who I'm still angry at!

[Amy and Kif nod their heads and enter the ship with Leela.]

Scene: Yivo's Surface. Fry sits on a bench made of electro matter on Yivo's body.

Fry: '… And then I came here.

Yivo: 'What an epic tale you told me. Do you want to go back? Because I fixed up your space suit for you, giving it a new oxygen tank.

Fry: 'Yes, thank you. [One of Yivo's genticles lowers down holding Fry's space suit and helmet and both modified with electro matter in places.] Fry takes the space suit and helmet placing it over himself.] Thank you. [Yivo with many of his genticles make a bridge towards the anomaly, which Fry walks across … when he reaches the anomaly just about to leave, he turns to face Yivo.] I hope you learned a variable lesson from me.

Yivo: 'I have.

Scene: Outside the anomaly. The Planet Express ship flies towards it.

Cut to: Cockpit. Leela is at the wheel while Kif (wearing a white towel around him) and Amy stand either side of her.

Amy: 'So what's your plan?

Leela: 'Me to go in there alone, and if hopeful---

Kif: 'Why alone?

Leela: 'So you won't probably die in there with me. So anyway if hopefully I can get Fry's corpse before I die in there with him., bring it onto the ship, and use "The Life Scraper Reanimation Ray" on him to bring him back from the dead. [Fry emerges from the anomaly.] (shocked) Fry? [Fry waves at them.] Fry! He's alive! Or am I just gone crazy?

Kif and Amy: 'No, we see him too.

Cut to: Outside PE Ship. The airlock opens which Fry enters.

Cut to: Cargo Bay. Fry stumbles inside falling over something on the ground which turned out to be a banana.

Fry: 'Ow!

[Sounds of booths hitting off metal.]

Leela: (shouting) 'Fry!

Fry: (scared) 'Oh, crap! [Leela helps him up, and hugs him very tightly.] Ow! L-Leela you're hurting me. [Leela softens her brace.] Aw, that's better.

Leela: (sexfully) 'Take off you're helmet, so I can give you want you've been waiting for these last eight years. [Fry takes off his helmet showing a cheesy grin on his face. Leela smiles, then slaps him across the face continuously.]

Fry: 'Ow! [Slap.] Ow! [Slap.] Ow [Slap.] Ow (crying) Ow! Stop it! (shouting) Please.

Leela: (crying herself) [she stops.] I'm sorry. [She kisses his cheek..] I'm just angry at you for... well--

Fry: 'I guess I can understand, I won't hold it against you.

Leela: 'Why did you stay in their so long?

Fry: 'Well, I can tell you that later.

Leela: 'Well, Ok. But why did you date that whore Colleen?

Fry: 'I don't know I was lonely, besides me and Colleen are over. I just couldn't stand having to share five men with her in the apartment.

Leela: 'Well alight. But don't expect me to ever go out with you.

Fry: [turning away from her.] 'Well, Ok. I'll quit chasing you, and trying to win your heart, because it wasn't meant to be in the first place.

Leela: (soft) 'Fry--

Fry: 'No! I can never be the man you deserve. I'm not Lars.

Leela: 'Oh, Fry! Who am I kidding? Of course I'd go out with you!

Fry: [He turns around] 'What, you're serous? Wait! Some-things wrong here! [She walks towards him.] You're not yourself! There's some-thing-- [Leela puts her index finger on his lip.]

Leela: 'Shh. I'm Leela, and I'm under no influence of anything. But, that said I'm gonna make you wait a few months before I give it up to you.

Fry: 'I can wait that bit longer.

[Time Lapse.]

Scene: Cockpit. Fry sits in his usual seat telling a story.

Fry: '… And then I came out of the anomaly, and I saw you in the ship.

Leela: 'You were lucky, that Yivo was negotiable. But, I can't help feel you left out some parts along the lines of you telling Yivo about me?

Fry: 'Well those are things I've done in the past for you, but you wouldn't believe me because of just how ridiculous they sound.

Leela: 'Try me.

Fry: 'Well, Leela. Some of these things I've done, are a bit too personal and upsetting for me to tell in Kif and Amy's company.

Amy: 'If it's really that hard for you to tell, you don't have to tell me and Kif, right Kif?

Kif: 'Absolutely.

Leela: 'Oh, well OK. But Fry?

Fry: 'Yes?

Leela: 'You better tell me sometime.

Fry: 'But you won't believe me.

Leela: 'Fry, the mere fact that you're hiding it from me shows I'm far more likely to believe you.

Fry: 'Well, you got me there. But still in private with just you and me.

Leela: 'Of course.

Scene: Inside The Anomaly. Yivo shaking his genticles about, one of which nears the Anomaly.

Yivo: 'Remember what Fry told you. [Flashback Fry's voice: Your love will come to you, well at least in your case.] When though? Hmm? [Over at the Anomaly Colleen enters wearing a space suit and screams.] Don't be afraid. I let Fry go, and did nothing to him.

Colleen: 'You did? Oh, wait you did. I saw him getting on the his work ship.

Yivo: 'Yep that was him. Oh, would you like to know more about me?

Colleen: 'You, seem quite nice and really b*g--

Cut to: Outside The Anomaly. It closes up.

[Some time about a week later.]

Scene: Fry and Leela walk down a light blue painted corridor, they finally stop when they reach a door marted "Apartment One Eye".

Leela: 'Well, this is it, I hope you like it. It's not too far where I used to live. [They enter inside.]

Cut to: Apartment One Eye: Living Room. Inside it's looks exactly as bare like her old place with just maybe a new three seater black leather couch in front of the TV, and a green glass coffee table in front of it, plus a purple exercise ball. With one door on each wall in the middle leading to a different room. Each one of the four doors have signs above them such as; exit, bathroom, kitchen, up stairs, Fry and Leela walk in from the door with the sign above "exit."

Leela: 'I'm thinking of having a few windows installed.

Fry: 'Hmm. It sure looks bigger than your old place.

Leela: 'Let me show you up stairs.

[Fry and Leela walk through the door with the sign above "up stairs."]

Cut to: A small grey coloured Corridor with many doors along it leading to many rooms with signs above them such as; Down stairs, on sweet bedroom, signal bedroom, signal bedroom, gym, bathroom, storage room, signal bedroom, signal bedroom, up stairs living room, bathroom, on sweet bedroom, cinema. Fry and Leela walk in from the door with the sign above "down stairs."

Fry: 'Wow, this place is huge.

Leela: 'I know, and the rent is cheaper than my old place. So um, you wanna watch TV down stairs?

Fry: (gasping) 'Oh, I'm tried going up and down them stairs.

Leela: 'You've only been up it once, Fry.

Fry: 'Oh, OK.

[Fry and Leela go down stairs.]

[Time Lapse.]

Scene: Apartment One Eye: Down Stairs Living Room. Credits show in open-space in the background on the TV with the music of Star Wars playing. Pull back to reveal Fry (just wearing his usual t-shirt) and Leela sitting on the couch.

Fry: 'Heh, the remake of Star Wars wasn't the best.

Leela: 'I agree. So, Fry care to tell me about those secrets? [Fry nods.] And to make sure you're not lying I got Farnsworth's invention … [She takes out from her pants' pocket a thing that looks like a memory stick made of Diamondium.] ... the "memory receiver stick" which can tell the difference between real memories and false memories.

Fry: 'Cool, how does it work?

Leela: 'It works by scanning your brain … So should I go ahead and do it, if it's OK with you? Don't be afraid to tell me, if you're having second thoughts.

Fry: 'No, go on.

Leela: 'Let me just set it to repressed memories ... [She spins a dial on it.] … There. [She waves it across his head, a green light flashes off it.] Done. [She stands up, walk over to the TV, and inserts the memory receiver stick into a slot on the TV; then walks back over to the couch; sits down beside Fry, and picks up a remote lying on the couch presses the "play button" on it. On screen it shows the worms coming towards the screen.

Fry's Voice [On TV] 'Who controls this bowel?

[Time Lapse.]

[A Holophonor image swirls forming a pink ball in the air. A smile trickles around the ball. A single eye opens in the middle of it and some purple hair held up in a ponytail appears on top. The screen freezes. Pan back to show shaking all over with emotion crying silently Leela with her arms wrapped around Fry and her head pressed against his chest, who has his arms wrapped her too.

Fry: (gently/crying) 'Leela, you don't have to see more if you don't want to. [She doesn't respond.] There, there Leela.

[Leela looks up from her chest to reveal her heavenly bloodshot eye.]

Leela: (softly/crying) 'No, Fry. I need to know how much of a wonderful person you are, you would of given your life away if the worms didn't leave, you gave yourself brain damage. [She kisses his forehead.] Now, let us continue. [She presses the "play button" on the remote, on screen the Tempus Nebula that can be seen through glass with stars around it.]

Off Screen Bender's Voice [On TV]: 'Well, the doomsday device is ready. Maybe blasting this quadrant of space into a hell storm of flaming nothingness will cheer me up a little.

[Time Lapse.]

[On screen it shows a black hole that can be seen through glass with Fry's hand pressed against it and off screen sounds of Bender whistling Sweet Georgia Brown can be heard. The screen freezes. Pan out to show Leela whaling/crying on Fry's shoulder her body shaking all over; Fry has got his arms wrapped around her, his t-shirt is soaking wet from her tears.]

Fry: (gently/crying) 'Leela, I hate to see you like this. Is there anything I can do to cheer you up?

[Leela lifts her head from his shoulder.]

Leela: (crying/stuttering her words) 'J-j-ust … hole … ho-hold me-me Philip, my love I'll-I'll ... talk to-to you-you ... when-when I-I can. [She leans her head back down on Fry's shoulder and cries a little more quietly.]

[Fry kisses the top of her head, then gently runs his fingers through her hair; then gently rubs her back up and down; all the while she remains in the same position, making the odd moan and sigh through her crying.]

Scene: Mars Desert. Roberto walks through the desert wearing sunglasses especially made to fit his eyes; holding his stabbing knife.

Roberto: 'Oh, I cannot wait.

[As Roberto continues walking through the desert he comes across a Bending Unit standing near a waterless stink-hole where desert muck leeches lie.]

Bending Unit: 'I drained it all up for you, have fun. (saying a time code really fast) A0?20?30106080?700?k005?00200?4o0?0g0?0r0z000?11?40!

[The Bending Unit disappears with a blinding flash of light. Roberto laughs crazily also making nutcase noises such as; "heh-heh; haah, haah; boogalee-moogalee-moogalee; (saying "don't tell nobody I killed you"). And possibly other psychopathic noises."; as he stamps on and stabs the desert muck leeches with his knife; killing them one-by-one.]

Scene: Apartment One Eye: Down Stairs Living Room. Leela now sniffles with her head still leaned against Fry's shoulder, while Fry sill has his arms wrapped around her.

Fry: (gently) 'You Ok, Leela?

[Leela looks up and smiles despite her heavenly bloodshot eye and her face drenched with her own tears. ]

Leela: (softly) 'Yes, Fry. The man I know now, didn't trick me into that wedding with you in the time skips. [She leans her head towards his face; and Fry does the same, they meet in a tender kiss on the lips.] (sexually) Philip, I want you to take me. [She goes on top of him, her butt rests between his legs; her chest pressed against his; her hands are on his cheeks on either side of his face; her face and her lips are very close to his.]

Fry: 'Leela, No!

Leela: (worried) 'What is it?

Fry: 'I can't do this. Not at least until we have one date together.

Leela: 'Oh, Fry. That's one of the many reasons why I love you.

Fry: 'I love you too, Leela.

Leela: 'So, if you won't make-love to me, yet. Will you at least make-out with me?

Fry: 'Aye, Captain! I could do that. [Leela suddenly presses her face against his; her lips meeting with his, her tongue driving into his mouth.] (shocked) Hmm? (relaxed/kissing back) Mmm.

Scene: Planet Express: Basement. Scruffy sits on a wooden chair reading "Happy-Huge-Juggs".

[He looks up from his porn magazine.]

Scruffy: (sad) 'Scruffy, is so lonely.

[Goes back to reading his porn magazine. Zoidberg comes walking down the stairs.]

Zoidberg: ' Hooray! Zoidberg is in fan fiction! And is gonna say some great lines.

The End.

Zoidberg: (sad) 'Awwww!