Fan Fiction

War Is The A-Word
By Rush

Scene: Spheron One: Brain Ball Headquarters. Bender and Kissenger negotiate with the three Brain Balls.

Kissenger: 'Please, gentlemen, we must put an end to the bloodshed. We have all seen too many body bags and ball sacks.

Brain Ball #1: 'We cannot condone bouncing of the seventh variety.

Bender: 'Enough of this crap! I'm catching the next pimpmobile outta here! But before I go I have one thing to say. [He climbs onto the table and turns around.] Bite my shiny metal ass! [Fire blasts out from his ass just above the Brain Balls.] Well, that never happened before.

Fry: [running in] 'Bender, don't say ass!

Bender: 'I already said it just a few seconds a go.

Fry: 'Huh? (thinking) The bomb didn't go off?

Brain Ball #1: 'What's this now? Well at any rate you farting in front of us isn't gonna get you anywhere.

Bender: 'You know you stand no chance against Earth, we have friends in the DOOP from other alien races and not to mention colonies across the entire universe.

Brain Ball #2: 'Is that a threat?

Bender: 'You can't win this war, it will take decades but you will be ultimately defeated, we are far more technologically advance than you, and the DOOP may one day be greater, we could have more bigger space ships rather than just the Nimbus, and allow our women and other alien races and their space ships in our army too.

Brain Ball #3: 'We see, the odds are against us. We give up, our home planet is yours, the war is over.

Fry: 'Alright! Hey, wait a minute! This is your home planet? We're the evil, invading aliens?

Brain Ball #2: 'Correct.

Bender: 'Then I guess you learned a valuable lesson: Don't mess with Earth.

Brain Ball #1: 'May you bounce in peace.

Bender: 'Get the hell off my planet.

Brain Ball #2: 'Let's go find ourselves another planet to live on.

[Cut to: Outside Brain Ball Headquarters. The balls on the surface bounce and fly off the surface and away from the planet.]

[Newspaper Headline: "War Over! Balls Thoroughly Licked!" There is a picture of a bruised Zapp giving the thumbs up.]

The End