Fan Fiction

Shiny Metal Fun
By Rush

Scene: Bender's And Fry's Lounge. In the darkness of the room Fry holding the TV's remote in his right hand lies on the couch just wearing white underpants while watching TV, showing some farming show where farmers are seen milking buggalo in a green field with steel buckets underneath them. The TV being the only thing bringing light into the room, other than the window showing the lights of the city of New New York's buildings and traffic jams in the sky.

Fry: 'Why am I even watching this? [He changes the channel using the remote to show some advertisement about Suicide Booths showing people walking into Suicide Booths smiling with their thumbs up.]

TV Announcer: [Sexy Female voice] 'Kill yourself the safe way, with MomCorp's Suicide Booths, for each of your 25 cents you give to the Suicide Booths goes a long away to benefiting the economy and-- [Fry changes the channel to showing Star Wars opening crawl "A long time ago far far away".]

Fry: 'Finally, something good. [The Star Wars theme song starts to reveal it to be the original Star Wars "A New Hope".] (thinking) I can't believe Star Wars was so close in producing what the future would look like. It must be very weird for people from the future watching old movies and TV shows or even playing video games from my time about what they thought the future would look like... Oh, if only I could talk this good while not thinking.

[Bender walks in from the front door.]

Bender: 'Hey Fry. [He takes something out from his chest cabinet.]

Fry: 'Hey Bender? [Bender walks over to Fry, with a laser pistol in his right hand, while in his left hand there is a white triangular sandwich, containing lettuce, tomatoes, Swiss cheese, ham and baloney, topping it is a green stuffed olive pinned to the Sandwich by a toothpick.] What are those?

Bender: 'OK, listen up Fry and don't interrupt me. I want you to take a bite out of this sandwich and say "om nom nom" after I shoot you with this laser pistol in the foot.

Fry: 'What? [Bender shoots and Fry screams in pain.]

Bender: (shouting) 'Quick Fry, take a bite out of the sandwich and say "om nom nom"! [Fry takes a bite out of the sandwich saying "om nom nom", and his left foot magically heals itself.]

Fry: 'What the? It worked.

Bender: 'Good. [He puts away the sandwich into his chest cabinet, then takes out a defibrillator.] OK, Fry I'm gonna kill you now by shooting you in the head and bring you back to life, using this magical defibrillator! [Pan to looking at the wall.]

Fry: 'Wait no-- [Sound of laser blasting, a few seconds later there's the sound of a defibrillator compressing.] Wha... I live again? [Pan back to looking at Fry back alife again with no sign of injury.] How's this possible?

Bender: 'Well while jumping into more of those boxes at Planet Express, I got the magical defibrillator from the Battlefield universe and the sandwich from Team Fortress 2 universe. Heh heh, the Heavy not gonna like his sandwich being gone.

Scene: Team Fortress 2 Universe. A blue Heavy is walking into a kitchen with a ridiculously happy looking face. The Heavy opens the refrigerator, then gasps in horror seeing his sandwich is missing from his plate with only a few crumbs left on the plate. A single tear runs down the Heavy's cheek.

Heavy: (shouting extremely loud) 'Who took my sandvich!

Pan to: Outside in the city where glass windows shatter from the echoing sounds of the Heavy shouting "Who took my sandvich"!

[We zoom out to space to still hear the Heavy, we rapidly zoom out into the vastness of the universe's countless galaxies to still hear the Heavy, even at the edge of the universe, we can still hear the Heavy. The Heavy is so loud his shouting can be heard in countless Parallel Universes.

Scene: Bender's And Fry's Lounge. Bender looks scared with his teeth chattering hearing the Heavy.

Fry: 'I think you should give back his sandvich.

Bender: 'No, it's mine. [The Heavy bursts through the front door with his mini gun spinning ready to fire.] (scared) You-you.... [He craps a brick.] want your sandvich?

Heavy: 'Yes!

Bender: 'Zoidberg took it!

Heavy: 'No you did! Me seen you on security footage. [Bender takes the sandwich out from his chest cabinet and hands it to the Heavy.] Thank you. [He walks out the hole he made in the wall.]

The End

Did you hear the Heavy?