Futurama

Fan Fiction

Yes, There are 2 Interns
By Robert Stewart

Cover art by Gulliver63“Good news everyone!”

“Save it," Amy said sarcastically. "Now that I have my doctorate you have no need to sugar coat a dangerous assignment to spare my feelings.”

“Spare your feelings? I wasn’t aware that I spared anybody's feelings whatsoever.”The Professor continued. "As a matter of fact, all of you are good for nothing lazy bums, who don’t need feelings to deliver stuff.”

“Awwww.” Amy was crestfallen.

“However, there is good news.” The Professor paused and cleared his throat to make sure he had everyone’s attention. “We are getting new interns. Yay!”

“Professor, do you mean we have to lose Amy?” Leela asked.

“Pshaw. I just received this dossier; here, you can look for yourself.” Said the Professor; he was holding up a brown jacket of papers.

Handing the papers to Leela you could see her single eye go back and forth, but as she started shuffling the papers, her eye got wide and full of surprise. She handed the papers to Fry who after he looked at it. Then he handed the papers to Amy. “Professor, did you know there are two dossiers in here? These guys are twins.”

“Double you say!”

“What are they here for?”

“I was told that they are actually here to help Dr. Zoidberg. They are doing field research on the human anatomy.”

Later that afternoon, they met the two interns. The twins were fraternal. The girl said she was the oldest and she spent nine months with her legs wrapped around the others head. She stood about six feet. She was lithe and graceful. Leela had read that she played in the woman’s college final for all the years she was an undergraduate. The young man was a carbon copy of the girl in skin tone. He was about 3 inches taller, and muscular. You could see this even though they were in the DOOP administration dress uniforms.

They came in and waved as they followed Dr. Zoidberg into his area of the complex and had a short interview with him as to their internship. Dr. Zoidberg came out and gave the introductions. “Okay guys here are Phlandre and Lileshea.”

“All of y’all can call us Phil and Lil.”

“But I want y’all to keep in mind that Lil is the oldest and that’s me.”

“Why that is good to remember and don’t be scared I survived being an intern with guys.”

“Yeah, don’t be scared of me. I’m just a robot and you can trust me.”

“Yeah, trust and I’m Fry. Hi.”

Then Leela with a narrowed eye to Fry said. “Yeah we are a family. Welcome to the group and I’m sure you will find your place soon.” She was giving Fry and then Lil a narrowed eye. I guess I haven’t mentioned that the young lady was drop dead gorgeous. Her twin also was beautiful. Yeah, I know that you are not supposed to call men beautiful. But he was more than just handsome. Michelangelo’sstatue of David is what would come to your mind.

But I would like to caution you that he was more than the statue if you know what I mean. He was about six feet three inches tall. He was two hundred and ten pounds of solid muscle. That weight was distributed so compactly that most people thought he weighed 180 lbs. He possessed that long “V” shape that women love to see men have. Strong deltoid shoulder muscles and he had more “wings” or lats than trapezius muscle.

Under his pants were two strong brown pillars of muscle. And there was a hint of heaviness right below his narrow waist. Or in other words he was more than the famous statue of David.

Anyway, Amy had that stare that a woman gets when she can’t believe her eyes. Lil noted this for later because there was a secret between them. Leela also noted the look and though that maybe she should chaperone. This fact that this would effectively keep her in company with Phil, which would be nice she was thinking. That thought crossed her mind but she blocked it out with the altruistic thought of her saving Amy.

Later, the crew queued up for their base line physicals. These were to be used for when the crew would be tasked to do other things for comparison.

Bender was bitching. He didn’t understand why he had to get a baseline. He was also at the head of the line. Then his good buddy Fry, then the Professor, then Leela, then Amy at the rear.

“Okay hotshot - why do I have to get tested?” Bender said as he walked into one of Dr. Zoidberg’s medical rooms.

“Because the baseline for tricorder diagnostic readings are from the baseline robotic readings. This was established by the protocols of 2175 Council of Academia.” So place this contact under your chin for conductivity, and shut up.”

“Twin, he is ready I have completed the circuit and may I congratulate you on a nice bum, sir.” Lil said. She had slipped unnoticed by bender and attached another electrode to his backside. Basically Bender was attached like you would a battery at both his positive and “ahem” negative ends.

“Hey sister you have a nice soft touch on a person’s backside. Do they teach that in teaching you bedside manners or is it native talent? Because if you like, you know… like… I could provide you with a moneymaking opportunity!”

“Oh sis has wonderful hands. She was on the receiving end of a lot of passes. Both on the court and off, right twin?”

“Yeah sister but I’ve downloaded all of Kama Sutra can anybody that gave you passes say that?”

“No, sir! And we are done. NEXT!”

Fry came in and the first thing he said is, “can I have a lollipop?”

“Sure thing sweetie.” Lil told him. “I want you to come and sit on this examining table and get comfy. Just place your hand on this ID scanner so we can make sure we have the right one. I get mixed up because everyone here is so handsome.”

“Awwww.” Fry was too smitten with her soft voice in his ear to think who could she possibly mixing him up with. I mean there is only Hermes Conrad, The Professor, and Dr. Zoidberg.

Dr. Zoidberg also had his crest up and he was blushing just a little. After Fry’s exam was done there was Leela coming in. She hopped up on the examining table without a thought and said. ”Let’s get this Mickey Mouse show on the road, people.”

“Twin I’ve got to file these two files on our last patients. I will be back in a moment, okay?

“Twin, I think I can handle this little lady here.”

Yes you could, Leela thought while looking up at him. She watched as his big hands grabbed the various tools of the examination. The reflex hammer he swung against her knee did not look sinister in his hands. And then the tongue depressor seemed small. She could smell his scent of musk. It was intoxicating, and she was breathing it in very deeply. He had the courtesy to warm the stethoscope up in his hands as he asked various questions to establish her general health.

She had to admire his forehead which seemed to indicate great intelligence as he listened to not only her heart from the front on top of her bosom. But the fact that he had to turn sideways and go underneath the breast to get her secondary heart. The amount of concentration he had to employ was considerable as this heart beats in conjunction with the main heart but with a force big enough to get the blood to her brain.

Cyclopes have a giant optic nerve which means Leela’s brain works at a higher energy level. So the secondary heart takes oxygenated blood and sends it straight to the brain. This means that Leela is not going to get as mentally fatigued as we humans can do.

“Next!” Phil called out. “Ma’am since you have some height, do you shoot around with basketball ever?”

Leela trying to impress him then said. “Yes I’ve played a game. And I am friends with the Globetrotters.”

“Really?”

“Big foots! Quit with the jibber jabber. Come over here, and go over these forms we have to fill out on how the interns are doing their jobs,”Bender said while lighting a cigar from his hand lighter. “Nope, you better get to the hangar there is a ship coming in.” And with that dismissal Bender cracked another can of Slurm open. Pouring it into a frosty glass. He said to Fry, “We better send Amy to the store when she gets done with her examination. These women folk need to learn their proper place.”

Meanwhile it was Amy’s turn. She had gotten on the examining table and was in one of those hospital patient gowns. She had to get a fuller examination because this was her first since she had completed her doctorate. Somehow Morgan had failed to notice this and the interns wished to correct it and get therefore great reviews. Consequently they both were concentrating on the exam. When in walked Kif. It was Zapp’s ship that had docked. Amy was all flustered at the time because Phil had just finished testing her toes and feet for the proper flexing. His big hands had been caressing her small size 6 feet. To give you an idea his hand was just as long as her foot. It didn’t help matters any that her legs was crossed showing ample thigh and his doctor’s stool had his head at waist level.

“Wh…wh…Why Kif honey, wh…why did you come in while I’m being examined?” Amy stuttered.

“Honey my position allows me full run of all medical facilities. Plus I thought that this was justa cursory examination going on.”

Phil the handsome intern explained. “She hasn’t had a full examination yet and the company requires it. So we are doing a complete work up. She was just getting ready for a GYN check. Do I have your permission sir to proceed?”

“Of course you do?” Kif commanded. I want you to check every nook and cranny! There is nothing to good for my snookums!” Kif then turned around to leave. “Carry on!” He commanded.

“All righty then. Lil pull out the stirrups!”

It was a day later after the crew had blasted off into near space. Zapp followed after he was reminded by Kif to give the order. The crew was working near Io the mining relay space station that coordinated all of the deliveries of mining equipment for the mining camp below on Jupiter’s moon. The crew was all in space suits at various points of the space station as it completed its gravity spin. This wasn’t very fast as the station was pretty massive being 3 miles in diameter. And they only kept a gravity that was 1/6thof Earth normal. Their magnetic boots kept them comfortable stuck to the station as it rotated.

“WHEEEEEEEE!!!!!”

Leela barked an order to Bender. “Please shut up! You are clogging the radio channel. This is for only official business.”

“I’m sorry I thought I was on another channel that is what the space truckers use.”

“I heard you good buddy.” Said an unknown southern voice. “And I’m going to take your sweet sounding voice with me all the way to Andromeda, and I’ll use your sweet voice for me to go to sleep at night. Yeeee haaaaaww!”

“Let's look alive people.” Now that Bender is done with turning on half of the truckers in the galaxy, we got to make sure this baby is synchronized.”

“Bender said in a crestfallen voice, “I feel so used.”

“On my mark people - blast for exactly 30 seconds with your rocket packs. Six…Five…Four…Three..two…One…MARK!”

The only sound was grunting as the rocket packs were whooshing and the crew hung on as the massive space station received a boost in it rotational spin for gravity. Then Leela’s voice cut through everything as she said, “ON MY MARK THREE…TWO…ONE…MARK CUT!”

THE SILENCE WAS DEAFENING. The stars were beautiful. Jupiter would come into view taking up the whole view because they were so close. Io is the closest of the more massive moons of Jupiter. The sight was very stunning. Suddenly you heard over the radio.

“HALP!” “Halp me, please!”

“Who’s that? Leela commanded.

Amy replied, “That fool Zapp Brannigan tried to come up behind you Leela and scare you or something. He forgot to turn on his magnetic boots so he bounced off. I can see him as I’m right behind you. I’m rotating underneath him now.”

Fry then took charge. He told Bender to loosen himself from the space station. The plan he outlined was that with Bender loose from the station then he would pretty much stay under Zapp as he was the one next on line with Amy. Then when Fry came around he would use the space station momentum to push Bender out toward Zapp. Then Bender could use his rockets to stop his momentum and Zapp’s and then boost to return.

This plan was a great one from Fry. Even though Bender was a robot and thus was subject to the 3 Laws of robotics. He was Fry’s friend. Bender could’ve been ordered out to Zapp and then he could use his robotic arms to sort of throw Zapp back but he wouldn’t have enough rocket boost out and back. Fry’s plan to get bender out to Zapp quickly helped to calm the panic that was rising up in Zapp as he realized that he was out of control in space where he couldn’t push against anything to go where he wanted to go. This plan was put into effect by the new dynamic duo of Fry and Bender. As Bender was landing with Zapp under one arm. Cheers went up from all the humans that were in space.

Kif came over the radio with a sigh. ”Sir,(sigh) I told you that John Wayne never snuck up on anyone in space. No matter how many movies you see. You shouldn’t try to be like the Duke.”

“Well pilgrim, I can sound like the Duke.”

“Zapp you nearly caused a space catastrophe. Therefore I’m asking Phil and Lil to authorize a full exam. And I want you to fink his head which is probably up his rectum with this stunt he pulled. So I wish you to do a prostrate exam on him. You guys have big hands for humans.”

“Sure can boss lady. I need to show Lil exactly how to do it on an actual patient so we will do repeated explorations. Bender if you please haul him to sick bay and strap him onto the examination table face down. We will pretend it is an emergency so we will cut his clothes off of him. We also may not lube up.”

They were actually playing with him. It is against the Hippocratic oath to do those things. But they also were relieved that he was safe, yet they knew Leela wanted a lesson taught.

Everyone piled into the airlock. As the inner door opened and bender dragged the protesting Zapp down the hallway. Kif rushed in and saw Amy just as she was kissing Phil on the cheek. Amy had already kissed a lot of the others. Kif just had bad timing. Amy was only congratulating everyone a successful mission.

“Amy my love what are you doing?” Don’t I get any sugar?”

For an answer Amy went over and gave Kif a great big kiss, which made Leela blush. Amy just can’t help it. She is just sex with some skin with some skin wrapped around it. She also was brought up in a Chinese culture which has none of the Judeo-Christianity rules. Plus she grew up on a frontier and on a frontier the mores were more relaxed. Read some of the real wild west histories. Amy is small as a lot of women of Chinese ancestry are. But she was healthy with a healthy interest in the lovemaking sport. Her muscles were sleek and toned within her small frame. She also used the latest perfume which contained phonemes. This was one reason why Bender had such a high bill with the robot mafia as they supplied his robotic women. Fry was pretty much immune because of the amount of Slurm he drank. The Professor was too old his nose actually was just an appendage it didn’t work. Hermes just limboed his frustration away when he couldn’t get to his wife. And Scruffy kept a porno magazine in his back pocket.

It was another day later that the crew was at the asteroid belt. This time they had to work in space suits in true weightless conditions. It was too dangerous to do this anywhere else. They had to set delivery markers that were to be used for future deliveries. Somehow Morgan Proctor had roped the Professor into doing this for the bureaucracy. She had pointed out to the Professor that he profits from deliveries so he has to pay some kind of up keep. Plus she assured him she would look over his taxes to DOOP. She promised him a reduction in taxes to about 75%, if she did them.

So the Professor ordered the crew to set these markers. They had to set them on asteroids in the belt, so that ships could use them as a triangulation point. It was much like ships used lighthouses in the 1800’s. It wasn’t very dangerous setting the beacons but it was tedious. All you had to do is let the radio/light beacon fall from the sled you pulled behind you. The sled was magnetic antigravity so it floated about 3 feet from the surface. You just pulled it on a tether. After you tumbled it out and it hit the surface then you just hit the range transponder. You had on all of the sides of the spherical octagonal. After that it was an automatic device. So all of the crew was deploying these beacons. Well all except Bender, because he was on meteorite watch.

He had his eyes extended and they were just like a rainbow. This was so he could see all the wavelengths. See most of the asteroids flowed in the same direction and at the same speed. However sometimes they would be faster moving particles. The crew had these meteor shelters. When deployed they looked like the fire shelters of Fry’s day.

You know when they back then would have a wildfire and it would reverse and catch firefighters in its path. These fire shelters were made so they could lie down and let the fire burn around them. Then if the fire wasn’t too hot or too long they would survive. The first fire shelter of sorts was deployed by a mother for her son in 1804. She threw a bison skin over the boy and he survived. But these meteor shelters based on a couple of principles.

The meteor shelters worked on the 1stLaw of Thermodynamics and Plancks's equation and the equation for the sphere. The main switch at the top and then it had a return mechanism which was just a small double prism which returned the energy back to the main switch. You just dropped the two pieces down at your head and feet then it would cover you with a translucent energy force field. The math for it would look like this. {E=hv+(dE=TdS-PdV)}+[x₃+y₃(10ft.)]. And it allowed the energy force field to go into a bubble which would protect the spacemen from meteorites.

“Yeow!” yelled Amy. As she rose up and grabbed at her upper arm.

Everyone froze except Phil. His reaction was instantaneous. He reached Amy. And then he deployed his meteor shield. Since it is not vacumn tight. He then retrieved a space bubble that was designed to hold an atmosphere. And by space law he had to be on hand as well. All of this happened right before Bender yelled out.

“Meteorite shower!” Then Bender started making this whooping sound and klaxon horn alarm sounds.

None of these contrivances I’ve mentioned were opaque. That would’ve taken more power and these things were designed to be lightweight and easy to handle in an emergency. So the crew had a clear picture of Amy and Phil as he also got out of his suit and started administering first aid to her arm (calf, thigh, buttock?).

Amy had experienced significant trauma because the meteorite had grazed her suit, tearing a small hole in it. Phil in jumping at her and concentrating on her through the haze of blood had saved her from further loss of blood. And after he had gotten the emergency equipment around her he then applied overpressure to the tent. This relieved the skin where the loss of outside pressure had caused a bulge from her internal body pressure.

So after he got the space bubble and the meteor shield around her, he got in and got out of his suit. Unzipping both his and hers he put hers on the bottom and his over him with their heaters turned all the way up. As he got beside her to transfer body heat to her and psychological first aid to keep her from going into shock.

The PE crew had a perfect picture of the two in the space bubble as the energy wave just added sparkle to the scene. Leela as the pilot radioed to (Zapp’s ship) so she could affect a rescue. Since she didn’t know the extent of Amy’s injuries. Also the scene was just too hot for her liking and she knew that Kif needed to see this. Bender was thinking that he could sell this video to someone for a pretty penny. Fry was just flabbergasted and bug eyed.

Kif meanwhile had received the distress signal and using the ship’s instruments he focused in on the pair. First he monitored their vitals. Both had heart rates way above normal. Then he focused in on their location via telescope. He had to magnify the image quite a bit. So the image was very fuzzy since he was looking through the meteor shower and the distance. He got a hazy mixture of the two and you could see the shapes vaguely. Zapp when he saw it immediately thought of Leela for some reason.

“Champagin!” He whispered under his breath.

Kif said. “I must get to my love post haste. Full impulse power helmsman!”

The ship rocketed up to the asteroid. Kif personally used the transporter to get the bubble participants up to the ship. He had already had the medical department there with two medical stretchers. Two doctors and 4 nurse were on standby. The couple got transported onboard. Phil was shouting out instructions and medical terms to the doctors. Amy was taken upon the stretcher and Phil also was placed on his stretcher.

Kif was blubbering and hugging Amy on the stretcher. Amy was giving him a hug back with her right arm as her left had a blood pressure cuff on it and the nurses and doctors had placed a oxygen mask on her. She was silently weeping with the experience. Their pure love was palpable in the corridor to sick bay.

Finally Amy could take it no longer, she had to question Kif. She had to know what he was thinking. After all she had just gotten out of a tent with a male. And not any male but a man that is the embodiment of physicality.

“Kif, honey.” She cooed.

“Yes dear?”

“Why do you love me so?”

“Your heart, it was the first thing I noticed about you. How you always wanted to help. You actually do think of others and when you saw me the first time. You didn’t fall for Zapp.”

“Well I do like to help. And I couldn’t fall for that braggart. You were always interesting, and funny, and nice. Thank you for being in my life. And Kif I’ll be yours for life if you would have me?”

“Yes!”

Everybody got real excited about this pronouncement. Congratulations were given to all for another two people had decided to become one.


Author's note:

I know a lot of you are wondering about all of the imagery of this story. And it is there because that’s the way the story goes. But because Kif didn’t really or fully understand the obvious physical spectacle that Amy and Phil made. So Kif could just let his love shine through. Amy knew about the physical imagery of course, but when she saw her boyfriend with nothing but the thought of how he might lose her. She knew that she ought to hold onto him. She knew that no matter what, Kif would always be by her side. He may not be able to save her all the time, but he would always be her cheerleader and supporter.

There are three types of love in the English language. Filial, Eros, and Agape. Filial is family and most people have experienced this. Even orphaned gangbangers experience the family in gangs. Eros is just physical. Only the young mistake this for the real thing. Agape is the real thing. Writer Robert Heinlein defined it best through one of his characters explanations. “’ Love is esteeming someone else welfare above your own.’” Another way to put it is stated in the Bible in John13:34. Or the golden rule as is stated in Mark12:31.

THE END

Buddies