Going Insane 9 - Roads Not Taken
[In the pyramid, our two favourite characters are going through rooms filled
with ancient Egyptian stuff. They come to a room with many cartoosh on the walls.]
FRY: Wow, look, stargate symbols!
LEELA: There are billions!
FRY: How are we ever going to get them all?
LEELA: Are you that dense? This is the year 3005, we will just use a camera
and the computer will read the symbols.
[She takes out a camera and photographs all the walls of the room until she
has taken a picture of every cartoosh.]
LEELA: Well, that filled the entire memory of the camera.
FRY: Thats a whole hell of a lot isnt it?
LEELA: Yep, I should go back to the ship and run these through the computer.
FRY: Hey, look another room. Lets check it out first.
LEELA: Ok, but we should get back soon. I could go for a snack right about
[They both go into the room, and find a table. On the table are several ancient
[FRY picks up an ancient device from a ledge and pushes a button on it. It
lights up and LEELA noticed a shimmer out of the corner of her eye.]
LEELA: You really shouldn't mess with this stuff, we have no idea what it does.
FRY: Hey, wasn't that mirror was black just a minute ago? Now it's showing
this room, but we are not in the image.
LEELA: That's strange. We should go.
[FRY reaches out to touch the mirror. LEELA takes his hand to try to pull him
back, but she is too late. He touches the mirror, and they both feel a strange
tingling sensation light electricity. They look around, and nothing seems to have
FRY: Well that was anticlimactic.
LEELA: Don't ever do anything like that again.
FRY: Let's get back to the ship. This mirror thing is useless.
[They walk out of the room, and an image of Amy appears in the mirror. She
is holding some snacks, but when she does not find the couple there, she leaves
to look elsewhere.]
LEELA: Hey, I don't remember parking the ship there.
FRY: Maybe they took off for a little while to test out the engines.
LEELA: Oh well, lets get back we should get something to eat. I'm starved.
[They head to the ship and go inside the cargo bay, where they see Farnsworth
as an old man working on something.]
FARNSWORTH: Wha? Who are you?
FRY: It's me, FRY. You know, your uncle, from the year 2000?
FARNSWORTH :Oh yes, you. Who's the cyclops?
LEELA: I'm LEELA. The captain, remember?
FARNSWORTH: No, I thought FRY was the captain.
FRY: How did you get old again anyway?
FARNSWORTH: I was always old, unless I create a device...
[He walks off mumbling about something having to do with chronotons and atomic
FRY: This is weird. Come on, lets go to the bridge.
[They go to the bridge, where they see Amy working on a panel.]
AMY: Where have you been? I told you to come back to the ship in an hour; we
have a tight schedule to keep. Hey, what happened to your eye?
LEELA: What do you mean? I've always been like this.
AMY: No, remember you got that surgery and then looked normal for once, but
then you wanted it undone and Adalai refused?
LEELA: I still have no idea. I thought he fixed me and I went on captaining
AMY: No you didn't. Earth has one more cyclops and FRY has been captain since
the first day. What's with you two?
FRY: I was?
AMY: YES! Who do you think turned this ship into a mercenary ship when we were
chased from Earth? You know, when it was our six month anniversary and they tried
to arrest us?
FRY: Wait, wait, wait, six month anniversary?
AMY: Gu'h, well yeah! I've only been married to you for like eight months now.
What is it with you two?
LEELA: Can we just pretend that we have no idea what has happened since FRY
AMY: Sure, I love to tell stories. Well, first he met you and had feelings
for you for a long time, but then, on Mercury, we found out that Fry and I had
more in common with each other than we thought, and after our romantic date on
Europa, Fry proposed. We have been married ever since.
FRY: I thought Zoidberg ruined that date and had to graft my head on your shoulder
to keep me alive.
AMY: No, you got that lobster a mate, he mated, he died, and the rest is history.
LEELA: I don't think we're in Kansas anymore.
AMY: You never went to Kansas. What are you talking about? What happened to
your eye anyway? Did it fall out or something?
LEELA: No! Like I said, I had Adalai remove it that day after I found out he
only liked me because I looked normal.
FRY: Also, I'm married to LEELA. On a wild impulse, we fell in love, and, well,
one thing led to another, and here we are today, exiled in space and looking for
a way to defeat Ra.
AMY: THAT'S NOT FUNNY! Is this some lame way of trying to divorce me? You know,
just because they voided our marriage doesn't mean you can play cruel jokes on
LEELA: No, it's not that. I think we are in some kind of alternate reality
or something, where a few events turned out differently and now everything is
AMY: Could happen, it has been theorized, but you would need some kind of teleportation
device in both dimensions to make it work.
FRY: Well, we found this strange mirror thing in the pyramid. That might have
AMY: Then where is my FRY?
LEELA: If about the same thing happens in every reality then he should have
touched the mirror with the other me and we ended up in another dimension.
AMY: We have to find the Professor, come on!
[They go to the cargo bay and see the Professor talking to a large muscular
man with blonde hair. When he turns his head, he is seen to be none other than
LEELA: How the hell did you get here you bastard!
ZAT: Leela my dear, why the hostility?
LEELA: Wait, why do you look so different from the Zapp I know?
[Upon further examination, we see that this Zapp is very muscular, with battle
scars and tattoos from various military campaigns on his arms. Imagine a Gi-Joe
ZAT: Why did you call me by my brother's name, Zapp? He is a useless coward
of a janitor working in some mall or something.
FRY: Um, we are from another dimension.
FARNSWORTH: Indeed, most peculiar. I knew that there could be others than that
one we showed you that one day. Tell me what makes yours different.
LEELA: FRY and I married, I have one eye, I'm the captain of this ship, Amy
and Fry's relationship was ruined by Zoidberg, and Zoidberg never mated. Need
FRY: Yeah, now tell me some more about your dimension.
ZAT: Well, you are the captain, FRY, that is. You and Amy are married, Zoidberg
is dead because he mated, I was discharged from the military after failing to
stop the killbots, I joined you all because Leela was the only person who ever
loved me, physically, and I've been trying to win Leela's heart ever since.
LEELA: You mean you didn't sacrifice your entire army to max out the killbots'
kill counters, causing them to shut down? And that you're not a complete idiot
who is now somehow in charge of the entire DOOP, or MDOP now, and you do not serve
only Ra himself?
ZAT: Ra? We are fighting Apophus. Your dimension really is different.
FARNSWORTH: Well, you all should get back to your own plane existence. We need
our captain and delivery girl.
AMY: Come on, lets go. I'll bring you all back.
[The three of them go back to the pyramid to see several copies of themselves
near the mirror talking.]
FRY: Alright. Leelas, Amys, Frys, and others, we are all in different dimensions
here and need to get back. Come on, move along here.
AMY: FRY? The one married to me, where are you?
FRY 2: Not me.
FRY 3: Me neither.
FRY 4: Married Proctor.
[All the others glare at him.]
FRY 4: What? She screwed me for acting natural, what more could a guy want?
[Other Frys begin savagely beating Fry number four.]
[Our three Planet Express members go to the mirror and FRY changes dimensions.
They are about to touch the mirror holding hands when Amy grabs on.]
FRY: What are you doing? This is where you belong.
AMY: Where I belong is where my husband is. He is somewhere out there, and
I will not stop until I find him.
LEELA: Ok, but remember, there are no guarantees of finding him.
AMY: Then that's a risk I will have to take.
[They touch the mirror and come out in another dimension.]
FRY: Hey, where's the ship?
LEELA: Must never have landed here.
AMY: Look, a gate. Looks a little different than the ship's gate though.
[They walk over to the gate and see a large circular device in front of it
with a bunch of symbols on it.]
LEELA: It looks like this is the dialling device for the gate.
FRY: Well, I will dial up Eden. Who knows where the ship may be now, so we
should stick with the safest place possible.
[He dials in the coordinates and they all step through.]
LEELA: My God, what happened to this place?
AMY: You would never do something like this here.
FRY: The thought did cross my mind for a second, until I realized how truly
special it is, in our dimension.
[We now see what they are seeing. The valley now has a huge resort on a mountain
overlooking the valley resort. There are spas, pools, gardens; a true vision of
FRY: I had better go check this out.
[They go to the main resort building and walk up to the desk clerk.]
FRY: Hey you, what happened here?
CLERK: My goodness, it's really you! Right this way Mr. Fry, Mrs. Fry and Mrs.
Fry. I will show you to your private room.
[They are all taken to a penthouse room on the top floor, they all step in
and check out the accommodations.]
LEELA: I am going onto the net to find out what the heck happened in this dimension.
FRY: Me too. Amy, you have a look around this place. I don't think you ever
visited the rebel stronghold to get stuff in your dimension, did you? You know,
to get the supplies and water, not to mention renovations like making a good bathroom.
AMY (sniffs self): I will be in the bathroom, see you when I feel clean again.
[They don state of the art net suits and log onto the Internet.]
FRY: Well it says here that I am the richest man in the Universe here. Using
the devices made by my nephew and marketing them, along with the youth mud planet,
and selling devices using the technology of the ancients to the armies of the
Universe, I now practically own...most of the Universe.
LEELA: That's incredible! Say, which one of us is your wife here anyway? That
clerk referred to two Mrs. Frys.
FRY: Both. It says here that polygamy was never banned. It's not uncommon for
a man to have three or four wives, and vice versa. Says here that I am a truly
special person for only having two and that women from all over the Universe have
been trying to marry me just about forever.
LEELA (sarcastically): Well, don't I feel special now.
FRY: I'm going into the universal patent beurocracy. I have an idea.
[He downloads all the patents and designs he can into the room's main computer.]
LEELA: Oh, don't tell me you're going to take all the blueprints of this stuff
and then patent them under your name back in our dimension.
FRY: Well it's not like it's really illegal; I mean, this is an entirely different
reality you know.
LEELA: Fine, whatever, just remember that I love you regardless of how much
money you have; I just want you to be happy. Besides, being owner of most of the
Universe is one heck of a cool thing.
FRY: Well, let's go. This place is good to relax in, but we can't forget what
we came for.
LEELA: Right, the mission to find some way to destroy Ra and live to tell the
FRY: Let's log off, clearly this reality never had a Ra or Apophus, so we should
[They log off and we see them in the room taking off their gear while Amy is
still in the shower.]
LEELA: Do you have a laptop in this place we can store all the data in?
[Fry look around the room for a minute.]
FRY: If I were me, I'd put it in here.
[He opens a desk drawer, and, sure enough, there is one of the most advanced
laptops possible inside. FRY hooks it up and transfers all the data.]
LEELA: Let's go up to the roof and check out the view.
[They go to the roof to find a pool there, so they decide to go for a swim
FRY: I gotta hand it to myself. I have a real sense of style.
LEELA: You sure do, but I think this you let the power go to his head; I mean
he destroyed paradise, just look.
[They look on in horror as they see how the entire valley is one giant resort
with tourists everywhere disturbing the natural beauty of the land.]
AMY: Hey, what did you two find out about this place?
FRY: Well, I own most of the Universe, and you both are my wives. Also, there
was never a Ra and the DOOP never allowed Zapp to become more than a faceless
private, lowest class, hated by all.
LEELA: Well at least that turned out ok.
AMY: This place is great, too bad we have to leave soon.
FRY: Yeah, well, I've had my share of all this lavishness here, so let's get
back to the gate and get out of here.
[They go to the gate, to the disappointment of the hotel staff, and get back
to the pyramid. They change the picture on the mirror and head through once more.]
LEELA: Well this is different.
FRY: This place stinks, literally!
AMY: No husband.
[We see they are admiring a huge swamp teeming with parasitic snakes that are
swimming around menacingly at their feet.]
LEELA: Well, looks like we found Ra's home world. Just a huge stinking festering
place that smells horrible.
AMY: Gee, just like your home world.
FRY: So she is a mutant in your reality too?
AMY: Yep, and she visits her parents so often that you can smell it.
LEELA: At least I am more careful than my other self about that.
FRY: Good, well then lets go, this place blows.
[Just then a snake lunges out of the water and wraps around Amy's neck]
AMY: AHHHH!!! It's burrowing into me! Get it off!
[Fry Grabs the snakes tail, and rips it from Amy's neck, and throws it a good
thirty yards away. Amy is left holding her now open neck with blood dripping down
her back and onto her clothes.]
AMY: Oh man, that hurt! Good thing I have nanites.
[She lifts her hand and the wound is now completely healed, leaving only a
FRY: This place is dangerous, let's go.
LEELA: Wait, hand me your thermos, we may need one of these things to study
and find a way to kill.
AMY: Yeah, take a few.
FRY: Alright, just be careful.
[Leela steps down the embankment, and reaches into the water grabbing several
of the snakes as they swim. She then puts them into a thermos Amy is holding.
They seal the lid and head back to the mirror.]
[Fry changes the image on the mirror and they touch it once more and are in
yet another dimension.]
FRY: Wow, it's like Eden but everywhere!
AMY: I's so beautiful...
LEELA: This picture is priceless.
[They are all looking on at a planet of sheer paradise, where we see a whole
lot of naked men and women running around having fun, blissfully unaware of their
MAN: Why do you wear woven cloth like that? I do not believe I have ever seen
you before. Are you new creations?
FRY: Um, sort of. Who's in charge here?
MAN: The almighty one, the one and only God.
LEELA: We should blend in here.
AMY: When in New Rome.
[Amy starts, all take off their clothing.]
LEELA: Is the gratuitous nudity really necessary?
AMY: Guess not. It's just, you know, this seems to happen a lot with me. Come
on, I want to check this place out.
[They all head off to the middle of the garden to check things out.]
FRY: Hey look, that tree looks like it was burnt to a crisp by lightning or
LEELA: Lightning? Eden only has storms and things like that in the wasteland
area of the planet.
AMY: Guess someone all powerful didn't want that tree there for some reason.
GABRIEL: You are not of this world, are you?
FRY: Um, yes we are. Who said that?
[There is a flash of light and we see a flutter of feathers as Gabriel descends
from above in a most magnificent manner.]
GABRIEL: I am the angel Gabriel. I can smell sin from half way across the Universe,
and you three are covered with it. As I have stated, I do not think that you are
of this world, so tell me what has brought you here.
LEELA: We are exploring different realities, searching for the solution to
a great problem in our own. You see, there is...
GABRIEL (interrupting): I know, for you it is Ra, and for the Asian it is Apophus,
and for countless others it is Anubis, Hathor, Nirti, Heru'er, and countless other
demon snakes. I am an angel, so please cut the formalities. I know what is going
on in all realities, and the solution is out there.
FRY: Um, where exactly?
[Gabriel pulls out a huge flaming sword and points it's sharp tip at the three.
They can feel it's incredible heat and back away slowly.]
GABRIEL: Look, I will put this in your sinful terms. The boss is gonna be back
here is a few minutes so I suggest that you get back to the mirror and leave before
I smite your sinful asses.
LEELA: I'm gone.
AMY: Se ya.
[They run to the mirror and grab their stuff, Fry changes the image and they
GABRIEL: How many more times are we going to have to do this again?
MICHEL: About three trillion and growing with every decision made by every
thing. I told him to go linear, but look who has the job of cleaning up these
GABRIEL: At least we are busy.
MICHEL: For the next billion years.
[We now see our three come out in yet another dimension. This time it is overrun
AMY: This sucks.
LEELA: I'll activate the mirror.
[Next we see them floating in space. There is a single point of light in the
center of the Universe they see. The begin to suffocate and head back through
before they die.]
AMY: No big bang yet, eh?
FRY: Nope, guess not.
LEELA: What was with that. Looks like new dimensions are created all the time.
AMY: So what is insane about this one?
AMY 2: Hey! You're me!
FRY 2: Hey! I still have my body!
[We see Amy step in with Fry's head attached to his shoulder still.]
LEELA: Let me guess, Fry's body was too badly damaged in the crash to ever
be repaired, right?
AMY 2: Yeah, well these things happen.
FRY 2: If you were attached at least I would never sleep with someone that
AMY 2: Aw shut up!
AMY (sarcastically): Looks like you two are getting along.
LEELA: So I never saved you from the whole sleeping with Amy thing at the restaurant,
FRY 2: No, you walked over, smiled at my problem, and left.
LEELA: Funny, I had that idea too, but then I decided it to cruel a punishment
even if you did make me totally jealous by going out with Amy the day I was going
to ask you to go out with me for valentines day.
FRY: You were?
LEELA: Well, up until you got serious with her, yes.
FRY 2: Well revenge is a bitch, just like this realty's you.
AMY: How do you know we are from another reality?
FRY 2: First off, you are exactly like us, and second, a constant stream of
you people have been coming through that mirror all day since this morning before
AMY: Did you find anyone who was married to me?
AMY 2: Gu'h, like yeah! One third of all the Fry, Leela, and Amys that come
through are like that, most of the rest of the Frys married Leela, and a smaller
percent married other people or were never married at all.
FRY 2: Come on, you all must want some snacks or something.
[They are all brought over to the ship where there are tables set up with different
Frys, Leelas, Amys, and even a scruffy.]
FRY: Well this is the best place to find out where your FRY is.
AMY: I guess.
[She walks over to the first FRY.]
AMY: You married to me?
FRY 3: Yeah actually I am.
AMY: Ok, how did we fall in love?
FRY: Well I met you, the cyclops was freaking me out and not putting out, so
I tried to pick you up, one thing led to the next, and we were married about a
AMY: Nope, not you. Thanks for the enlightenment on how easy I am go pick up,
FRY: What do you mean? You went with me that first time because you wanted
to lower your standards a bit and try something different for once.
AMY: Oh, so I wasn't a complete slut in at least one reality?
FRY: Not mine anyway.
[She goes to the next one, and the next, and next, and next... you get where
this is going. Twenty Frys later, she is sitting hunched over next to the FRY
and LEELA she came with. Fry is having a conversation with the Fry still attached
to Amy's body.]
FRY: So, can you at least control that one arm?
FRY 2: Yeah, at least this beats being a head in a jar.
FRY: So, what, you know, was it like that night?
FRY 2: Wrong. Just so very, very wrong. Did you know that the longer you stay
attached the more things you begin to share with Amy?
FRY: Like what? All I ever shared was that one arm.
FRY 2: No, I mean feeling, EVERY feeling.
FRY: You mean you felt... I feel for you, man.
AMY 2: Could you two please not go over this stuff? Shouldn't you be more worried
LEELA: For us it's Ra, and nobody here has any idea how to defeat Ra without
it being a suicide mission. They all say that he has some kind of super regenerative
powers, better than nanites.
FRY: Yeah, but looking at ourselves really changes things for you. I mean I
had no idea how stupid I was back then, and that Fry who still had the worms was
really freaking me out.
LEELA: He was so well spoken and articulate, but he just wasn't normal. Not
that you are not well spoken and articulate now, but I like how you can always
manage to be a little childish and still be mature and smart.
AMY 2: Did you talk to any different yous, Leela?
LEELA: All about the same really, except for this one - she wasn't nearly as
smart or strong as I am. In fact, she was a lot like Fry, and she fell in love
with him after that whole coming to the future thing. What about you, Amy?
AMY (about to cry): I had no idea our love was that special. I mean we were
so close, and in all these other realities I either had just a one night stand,
was killed by you after an insult about some go-cart or asked if your boots came
in women's sizes, had Fry grafted onto my shoulder permanently, or am still a
spoiled little rich SLUT!
[She breaks down sobbing, Leela tries to comfort her.]
LEELA: Look, he's out here somewhere; we just have to keep looking, that's
FRY 5: Hey, am I married to you?
AMY: Wha? Well yes.
FRY 5: Did you fall in love with me on that date to Europa because that lobster
guy didn't ruin it as I am told, and you professed your love for me before I could
even think to dump you?
AMY: Yes, YES! Oh thank God it's YOU!
[She leaps up an hugs him kissing him passionately.]
LEELA: Well I guess that solves that.
FRY: Let's get you two to your own reality.
FRY 5: How? I lost the controller for the device.
FRY: No problem, I have one too, I will just change the picture and you all
go back to where you came from.
[The all go back to the mirror, but it is off and black in color now.]
AMY: What do you man by that?
FRY: I hope this is not as bad as I think it is.
LEELA: How so?
FRY: I think that as long as nobody turns this thing off it stays on the last
dimension it was turned to, that was yours, but now we may have to keep looking
FRY 5: Naw, it's cool, just use the back button.
FRY: What back button?
FRY 5: The little one on the bottom of the controller, it will allow you to
scroll back to any dimension you have visited before since you turned the mirror
FRY: Oh here we go.
[He scrolls the mirror back to the Fry/Amy dimension and they go through, leaving
us with just two heroes for now.]
LEELA: Well that's that. Makes you think about how things could have turned
FRY: I have an idea. This may solve our problems.
[He flips the picture past a countless number of dimensions really fast until
he hits the other end of the spectrum.]
LEELA: Are you crazy? That may be the most whacked out dimension possible!
FRY: Let's check it out.
[They step though and come out in another pyramid. They go out and see the
ship, but it looks just a bit different than before.]
LEELA: What are those markings on the tail of the ship? I have never seen that
FRY (kinda freaking out): No, no way, awwww hell no!
LEELA: What? What is with you? You know what it is?
FRY: How can you not know what it is! The 20th century isn't that far gone
LEELA: What is with you and that symbol? What's wrong with it? It can't be
FRY: That's a swastika! It's the freaking NAZI symbol! Do you have any idea
what this means!? Look, you are giving me the freaking Nazi salute! How could
you not know what the hell it is!
LEELA: Who were they? I don't really remember much from my ancient history
class; what do you mean by anything you've just said?
FRY: The Nazis were the worst thing ever to happen to the 20th century. They
only defined the second half of it! Millions were killed by them in their quest
to 'purify' the world by annihilating anyone who wasn't like them, and here...
(he pauses) Here, they... won.
LEELA: Well, we have something like that. I mean we only elected a super villain
governor for New York state.
FRY: He was nothing to Hitler. Hitler is not unlike the Ra we are fighting
now. He almost took over the freaking planet in 1942. if he hadn't gone insane
with power and made some key mistakes, he could have easily taken over the world.
LEELA: Hey look they are all beating Zoidberg.
[They hear a gunshot]
FRY: Always wondered if Zoidberg was Jewish.
LEELA: Good thing we dont have anything like this where we are from.
FRY: Yeah, but we could have
we could have.
LEELA: Lets go, clearly not even Ra would have a chance here.
[Fry changes the image on the mirror and heads through.]
FRY: OH HELL NO!!!
LEELA: Why does the ship have a red star on it? And why are we all wearing
those funny snow hats?
FRY: THAT'S IT!!! I AM GETTING US THE HELL OUT OF HERE!
LEELA: Hey, I didn't know you converted to Islam.
FRY (of that dimension): DEATH TO THE INFIDELS!
FRY: I may have not lived through this part, but I am so outta here!
[In yet another dimension.]
[They step though and are blinded by white light.]
FRY: AHHH! My eyes it is so bright here.
LEELA: Is this... Heaven?
AL GORE: No, say is that the cyclops you say you saw a thousand years ago?
FRY: What do you mean? Who are you, anyway?
AL GORE: I am Al Gore. You are Phillip J. Fry, destroyer of the Universe.
LEELA: Well where are we now then?
AL GORE: I have no idea, but I will tell you now it is not the Universe. Now
come on we have a dungeons and dragons game to finish here.
FRY: Ok, I think, but I should tell you now I am not from this dimension.
AL GORE: Really? You should come and tell the team that.
[They float over to a Dungeons and Dragons game table. Around it are Gary Gygax,
Big Blue, Steven Hawking, and Ohura from Star trek.]
BIG BLUE: HA! Check mate!
GYGAX: There is no check mate in Dungeons and Dragons! For the trillionth time!
BIG BLUE: Does no compute.
GYGAX: Oh you know perfectly well it does! Don't make me break you again!
HAWKING (monotone): Oh, so that is why he has beaten you for the last billion
GYGAX: I don't like your tone.
HAWKING (monotone): If you're looking for trouble you have found it.
[Gygax lunges at Hawking, but a punching glove come out and hits him.]
HAWKING (Monotone): This game is too inferior for my superior mind, see you
[Rocket jets come out of Hawking's wheelchair and he flies away into the white
FRY: Right, so what happened here, anyway?
AL GORE: Well we were just fine until you didn't get frozen. Then when we tried
to freeze you after trying to kill you, you broke the cryofreezer with a +1 mace,
the rift in time and space grew out of control and here we are now, not in the
LEELA: So you never knew of Ra?
AL GORE: Who?
FRY: This dimension blows, lets go.
[They head back to the mirror and leave, FRY switching the dimension to another
random place before doing so.]
LEELA: Well, this one looks normal for once. What was with you in those last
FRY: In that first one the Communists won, and in the next we were all converted
to Islam. Need any more clarification?
LEELA: Yes, but we don't have time for that now. Come on, lets get to the ship.
[They go to the ship and step inside, where they are greeted by a both confused
and shocked Amy.]
AMY: WHAT? How did you get here!
FRY: What do you mean? Didn't we all escape together?
AMY: G'uh, no! We are over 300,000 light-years away from Earth, and we didn't
take you along!
LEELA: Oh, well let me explain, we are not from this dimension. Where we are
from, Fry got knowledge, and we are on the run from the MDOP.
AMY: Well that is almost the same, except for one small detail. You you never
FRY: Never been to a dimension like that, you should start from the beginning.
[The screen starts to go blurry, and a flashback begins.]
AMY: Well, it all started when we all went out on a double date, if you could
ever call it that when you two are involved.
[We now see the inside of Elzar's, Amy and Kif are on one side of the table,
Fry is opposite them, and Leela is sitting as close to Amy and away from Fry as
LEELA (mumbling under her breath): How did I ever let Amy talk me into this,
only for Fry to show up, dare I say it, I would almost want him to be Zapp right
KIF: I am having a wonderful time.
AMY: Yeah, me too. Maybe one of these days we can go on a date alone.
KIF: Um, well, I, um, Hey look, Fry is back from the bathroom.
FRY: Hey, did I miss anything?
LEELA: I just professed my unwavering love for you Fry.
FRY: What! Really, can you say it again, I missed it. (voice turning a litter
sour) or did you send that down a black hole too.
AMY (trying to lighten the mood): So, Fry, don't you have something you wanted
to show Leela?
FRY: Right! I almost forgot, here Leela, I hope this finally shows you what
you really mean to me.
[He pulls out a thick notebook, and hands it to Leela, it is titled "I
love Leela, by Phillip J. Fry. She scowls at it and then does the unthinkable
- she holds it over the candle in the middle of the table and we now see Fry looking
on in horror at his masterpiece going up in flames.]
LEELA: Look Fry, you are a man and I am a woman; we are just too different.
AMY (off screen commentary): And then you said the four words I was always
sure never to say to any man I met, especially not you.
[At this moment everything for Fry slows down, as he is beginging to process
what just transpired and listening in horror at what is about to be said.]
LEELA (ungodly slow): Let's-Just-Be-Friends...
[We now see Fry, sitting there with a blank look on his face. The burning book
can be seen in his eyes with Leela's face over it. He feels a wincing pain in
his chest, like a thousand knives piercing his heart as he finally realizes what
has just happened.]
FRY (whispering): Nothing...
AMY: Are you alright, Fry?
FRY (whispering): Everything, for nothing...
[He slowly stands up from the table and casually walks toward the host's stand,
where Elzar is standing.]
ELZAR: Hey buddy, you going to pay?
[Fry takes out his entire wallet and gives it to Elzar, taking only one bill
FRY (sadly): Keep it, I only need this one.
ELZAR: You've kicked my life up a notch, BAM!
[Back at the table we see Leela sitting there nonchalontly.]
LEELA: Well, I think he took that pretty well.
AMY (with growing hostility): Pretty well? That's what you would call it?!
[AMY stands up and slams her hands down on the table, rattling the glasses,
glaring at Leela.]
LEELA: What's your problem?
AMY (with building fury): Problem? PROBLEM!? WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM!? That was
Fry's greatest work, and the last thing he could think of to get you to even go
on one date with him!
LEELA (casually): I still don't get it. It was probably crap anyway, and that
black hole thing was totally uncalled for. That damn trickster got me to marry
him, and for what? Some letter or something.
AMY (angry): Trick? Is that what you thought it was!? That was the most beautiful
thing I have ever seen someone do for anyone! And what do you do? You burn it!
You didn't even read the first page, for God's sake!
LEELA (not caring): It was probably crap anyway.
AMY (really mad): He wrote the most beautiful poetry, stories, and other things
and all for you! I mean, just because he is a little immature doesn't mean he
can't read or write well!
LEELA (now getting a little angry): Oh, and how would you know?
AMY (still furious): I proofread the damn thing! He even had a picture of what
made you love him that one time with the time skips.
LEELA (dissing tone): Amy, please, everyone knows he drugged or hypnotised
me; that letter story is just like the one with the brains, it's complete crap.
AMY: WHAT!? He did write that letter, he scowered the entire net to find a
site with a picture of it, and do you know where it was?
[She points at the book, now a pile of ashes]
LEELA: I still would never have married him, he probably drugged me for that.
AMY: Drugged? He loved you! I would have loved for a guy to do that for me!
If he hadn't dumped me, I would have married him myself!
LEELA (now getting angry): What?! You arrogant little slut!
AMY: Like any of your choices were better! Remember Zapp? Adalai? That roach
thing? You never even gave him a chance! Not ONE date! I mean, you went out with
the dean of my university, for God's sake! And he saves you from all sorts of
things every day!
LEELA: I don't remember him ever doing that for me!
AMY: Gu'h! He just did a few insignificant things like saving you from marrying
that shapshifter and gaving up his oxygen for you, not to mention reuniting you
with your parents - you would have shot them if he hadn't stopped you!
LEELA: It still doesn't matter; we're just too different.
AMY: And another thing, what is up with you and that damn I am a woman you
are a man too different thing? It doesn't work! You think that just because he
is a little immature that he will be scared and confused long enough to forget
about going for you? He told me himself that he knew you were only trying to do
LEELA: So, your point being? I never would go out on a date with that stupid
little bastard, no matter what he does.
AMY (quietly and sourly): You know what Leela, you may be a beautiful sewer
mutant cyclops on the outside, but you are more hideous than all those damn mutants
combined on the inside, AND you cant read good!
[Leela stands up, glaring at Amy.]
LEELA (furious): You know what, screw you! I'm leaving!
[Leela storms out of the restaurant, punching Elzar in the face as he tries
to give her the bill.]
[We now see Fry in a suicide booth.]
BOOTH: Please select mode of death. Quick and painless, or slow and horrible?
FRY: Slow and horrible, just like the death of everything that ever mattered
to me in this world.
BOOTH: You have selected slow and horrible.
[We now see the outside of the booth, inside we hear shrill screams of Fry
as he is most likely dying a slow and horrible death.]
BOOTH: You are now dead. Thank you for using Stop-n-Drop, America's favorite
suicide booth since 2008.
[All we see now is black, and we hear Amy.]
AMY (off screen): We didn't hear from you for days, Leela quit and went back
to her old career assignment office job, and then we got a message.
[In the conference room, we see Amy, Zoidberg, and the Professor, but two very
important seats are empty.]
HERMES: Hey look everyone! I just got this message from the Central Beurocracy
AMY: Well read it!
HERMES: (clears throat) "To whom it may concern, your head delivery boy
has been INSTITUTIONALIZED!"
AMY: We have to go see him!
[Cut to the Hal institute for insane robots. We see Fry in a straight jacket,
sitting in a corner of a padded room, looking on blankly with drool coming out
of his mouth as he rocks back and forth on the ground, curled up in the fetal
position. Amy looks on at the sad sight.]
DOCTOR: Good, you're here. We found him in a suicide booth a few days ago.
He just kept putting money in, selecting slow and horrible, and then ducking as
soon as the death implementation began. He went though about fifty dollars before
the next guy in line got fed up and called us.
AMY: My God doctor, will he be alright?
DOCTOR: I really have no idea. This is the worst case I have ever seen. He
is suffering from the worst nervous breakdown I have ever witnessed in my thirty
years in this profession. It's like someone took every hope and dream he ever
had and just shattered them into a million pieces like a giant crystal vase. We
may never be able to put this one back together. How could this have happened?
AMY: Well, he is from the 20th century, and he was in love with this girl.
He did everything for her, tried to show her what she means to him. I mean, even
though he may not have been the sharpest knife in the drawer, he tried incredibly
hard, and, well, a few days ago she may as well have killed him when she destroyed
his greatest achievement right in front of him and topped it off by saying that
they could never be more than friends.
DOCTOR: I see. Well, he may be better off that way. Frankly, with what you
have just told me, I'm surprised that he didn't snap a long time ago. I mean,
his case is so bad, I'm surprised his brain didn't burn from the inside.
AMY: Is there anything we can do for him?
DOCTOR: Yes, shock treatments, followed by hypnosis, and a lot of medication.
However, he will need someone to help him through this, someone he knows and can
trust; otherwise we will just have to keep him here.
AMY: I'll do it. I just can't stand to see him like this, I mean I do have
a boyfriend, but he is in deep space so much, and I have always had feeling for
Fry more than him. What do I have to do?
DOCTOR: For now, just go in there and talk to him, tell him what happened,
and try to comfort him. The best we can ever really do in this business is hope
AMY: My God, what did you ever see in her Fry?
[We now zoom in on Fry's face as it slowly rocks with a blank look on his face.
A single tear wells up and drips down his face. End of flashback.]
LEELA: (shocked) Was I really such a... such a monster? Did I treat you that
horribly before I softened up to you, Fry?
FRY: No, not in the least! At least I knew that you loved me back, even though
you tried best you could to hide it.
AMY: Yeah, I can't really explain it either, although the Professor thinks
that because you are a mutant, you had PMS all the time, I mean it really showed
FRY: Well, hell hath no fury like a women with PMS.
AMY: Amen to that.
LEELA: That was so sad, I would never do anything like that to you.
FRY: I know, say have you heard of Ra?
AMY: No, we are fighting Hathor.
LEELA: Know a way to defeat her?
AMY: Nope, we are going to become space mercenaries.
FRY: Oh, well we'll be going then.
[They leave, and we see Amy go into the ship and lean against a wall. She takes
out a necklace with a locket shaped like a heart and opens it. There is a picture
of Fry in it. She looks at it sadly.]
AMY (nearly crying): Oh Fry, why did you just have to go for her? We could
have been so happy togeter...
[She begins to silently weep, as we see our Leela and Fry go though the mirror
in the background.]
FRY: Who was that? I though I heard someone I knew.
AMY: Nobody, time for your medication. Come here my love.
[She give him a pill, and they begin kissing passionately.]
AMY (thinking): Well, even if we had to hypnotise him into forgetting Leela,
he is mine now and we love each other, that is all that really counts.
FRY: I don't see a ship.
LEELA: Come on let's just use the gate.
[They dial earth to check it out and step through. They are immediately smacked
up against something when they come out the other side.]
FRY: OW! What is this thing?
LEELA: Shhhhh... I hear voices.
HOMER: So you are telling me that even though I have been doing this for over
ten years that you are willing to get rid of them in their prime and just put
me in their slot?
EXECUTIVE: Yes, now just sign here.
[FRY and LEELA step out from behind the living room book shelf, and confront
their fellow cartoon.]
LEELA: Destroy who's existence again?
HOMER: Aw crap! It's them!
FRY: What, us?
ESECUTIVE: Yes, but it is too late. You all are cancelled!
LEELA: Cancelled? Us? How?
EXECUTIVE: Orders from the higher ups, what the? How is it you two have ring
on each other's fingers? We made sure we disappointed the fans with the last episode.
FRY: Last episode? Cancelled? Then how is it we could have fallen in love and
married? Now we are on some adventure in space.
EXECUTIVE: Damn! I have to warn the board about this! Someone is writing an
end to the series! We need more C&D letters!
[LEELA kicks the trans dimensional cell phone out of the mans hands.]
LEELA: Your not going to call anyone you weasel!
EXECUTIVE: Actually I prefer FOX. The X makes it sound cool.
[With that, LEELA, in all her fury, grabs a near by knife and throws it impaling
the Executive in the chest. Homer runs for it, but is cut off my FRY, who uses
his new found mind abilities to lift Homer into the air and send him into the
firplace. LEELA heads up stairs to finish the job.]
LEELA (off screen): Take this you blue haired bitch! Purple is way cooler!
[We hear the screams of Marge as she is brutally killed in a way I won't describe
for the sake of any children or people with weak hearts who might be reading this.]
LEELA (from upstairs): Brats headed your way!
[We see Lisa, Bart, and Maggie running down the steps, trying to escape from
the psychotic cyclops, only to be trapped floating in mid air by another of FRY's
mind powers. LEELA grabs a hatchet and takes out Bart who mooned her the moment
before, and FRY uses more telekenesis to chuck them into the fireplace as well.]
LEELA: Well that takes care of the competition.
FRY: This is not over until we find those damn board members.
[They head back through the gate, leaving the tragic, yet hilarious scene of
the entire Simpson family dead after ten years of non-funnyness. They come out
the gate at the pyramid once more, and use the mirror again.]
LEELA: Ahh! Do you feel that?
FRY: This place is so weird, like we have another dimension to move around
LEELA: Where are we, anyway?
CLERK: Sir, this is not a co-ed dressing room. Can you please step out of there.
[LEELA and FRY leave the dressing room and find they are in a Kmart.]
FRY: I have some impulsive shopping to do, come on.
[They head over to the gun area, where a clerk is showing them the various
options of guns they can buy. FRY picks out a large forty five caliber with platinum
finish and purchases several clips of ammo.]
FRY: Well, it's no flaming sword, but this will strike fear in the hearts of
LEELA: Do you really need that?
FRY: I am drained after the last dimension, so all I can do is read minds.
We should find our more about this place.
[They head outside to find they are in Hollywood. They see a huge studio with
giant letter on it called none other than FOX. They look at a sign on the front
LEELA: Hey look a list of cancelled shows: Family Guy, Simpsons, and wait,
no this is not happening!.......Futurama!
FRY: I knew those Executives were around here somewhere. Come on.
[They head into the building. We now see a large board room with many people
seated at the table.]
EXEC 1: I say we cancel the damn thing slow and painfully.
EXEC 2: Why not just kill it now?
EXEC 1: If we do it too fast then there will be a rebellion of our fan base
and we will loose a lot of viewers.
EXEC 3: Get on with it man! What is he plan?
EXEC 1: I say we put the show into that damn Sunday 7:00 time slot, then we
pre-empt the show with football game overruns and special reports, then we only
air one episode new a week, and to top it all off, we do not reveal the show's
existence to new people though advertising.
EXEC 2: That is ingenious! We stop the fan base from growing, then we kill
off the rest with crappy planning for not all that good content. I say we also
show all the lame episodes too, and save all the plot movers until the end.
EXEC 3: Yeah (laughing) if we ever feel like it!
[They all begin to break out laughing]
MATT GROENING: Wait! You can't just kill the show like that! It's original,
intelligent, and brilliant! Why are you doing this anyway?
EXEC 1: 'Cause it's cool.
MATT GROENING: That is wrong! I am taking this show elsewhere!
EXEC 3: Sorry, I can't let you do that. We own exclusive right to air or not
air the show for the next few years, and by then if you are not broke, nobody
will want to watch the show anyway. Everyone knows remakes are rarely as good
as the originals.
BOSS: Let it be done. For here on Futurama is Dead!
[He pushes a button and lightning strikes behind him in a dramatic way.]
BOSS: Damn I love that! (sniffs) what is that smell?
FRY: Oh that would be me.
[Shot cuts to FRY cleaning an onion. He gets up and walks over to the executive
FRY: You know, you people sit here in you soft chairs, plotting the fate of
shows with impunity, so I think that it is time we strike back.
BOSS: Who are you?
FRY: I am dead to you now. Funny thing is, I still exist. Must be someone out
there with the power to continue the tale. But that's enough of that, I know you
all are very bad people.
EXEC 1: You got nothing on us.
FRY: Don't I? you disowned your gay son. And you over there, you got your girlfriend
drunk at the Christmas party and paid the mail room boy to have sex with her when
she passed out so that she would break up with you.
LEELA: She killed herself two days later.
FRY: And you over there. You flew to Thailand at the company's expense to have
sex with an eleven year old boy! And you Mr. Boss man, your sins are so bad I
wont even want to say them out loud.
[He whispers into the man's ear.]
LEELA: He was your son for God sakes!
FRY: And you know, the only person in this entire room who has not tried to
kill us, and who has not committed any sin I didn't either, it you, Matt, so I
will leave you out of this...
LEELA (to Matt): Gum?
FRY (to boss): Funny thing about this onion sculpture, it really looks like
you. You know, some believe that voodoo really does exist, it would be a shame
if something happened to it. RAAAAAHHHHH!
[FRY crushes the little onion figurine, nothing happens]
FRY (in a dissing tone): Pshhhh. Voodoo, I mean come on. There is nothing to
fear from that.
[He walks out with LEELA, the doors shut behind them for one split second,
then FRY bursts in with the gun from before.]
FRY: This is something to fear!
[Cut to LEELA outside reading a magazine. She sighs as she listens to the shooting
inside the board room.]
FRY: Don't run! Don't run!
[We cut back into the board room, blood splatters on Matt's face, FRY walks
up to him.]
FRY: Don't worry, they had it coming. Although, (menacingly and brandishing
the gun) YOU HAD BETTER KEEP MAKING GOOD EPISODES!
[LEELA walks into the room, and lets out a rather noticeable throat clearing
sound to get FRY's attention.]
FRY (to Matt): Gum?
[The two of them had back to the mirror and head through before the police
[They come out in another dimension, just like their own, but it is sunny out,
and we see people in cheap cowboy costumes going down the street.]
LEELA: Never saw this coming.
HANK: Ahhh! It's the cyclops they warned me about!
PEGGY: How did you get here!? They cancelled you!
FRY: Shut up, you Bevis and Butthead ripoff!
BOBBY: I'm a winner.
LEELA: No you're not! you fat stupid retard! How dare you take our time slot!
DALE: I knew it! This day has come!
FRY: Shut up you damn Burt Gummer rip off!
LEELA: Should I do the honors?
FRY: Here, I grabbed this on the way out of the FOX building.
[He throws her a giant eraser.]
HANK: Um, I know you don't really like us, and our show is in no way as good
as yours but can you pl
[She erases him, and we cut to a black screen as we hear everyone there shouting
that it is the end of the world before they are erased.]
FRY: That was fun.
LEELA: And a good workout.
[In yet another random dimension]
LEELA: Well no ship, again.
FRY: Lets just use the gate and dial the ship, screw the consequences I need
some answers here, and fast so that I can get out of here.
[They dial with the slightly different gate and step through. They come out
in a large golden room and are greeted by several snake soldiers who bow down
FIRST PRIME: My lord, You are ahead of schedule, did you not find your queen?
Although that cyclops will make a good slave.
FRY: Uh, yeah, right, my slave. Take me to my quarters; I wish to be alone
for a while.
FIRST PRIME: Yes, my lord.
[They are taken down through the ship, the corridors are all golden and there
are serpent guards all over. They soon reach the room and enter.]
[The room is huge with Egyptian things all over. Everything is made of gold,
and there is a huge bed in the center of the room with golden silk sheets and
FRY: This place is insane!
LEELA: Slave? What the hell is wrong with you!?
FRY: Sorry, I thought of it on the fly, just play along here, Ok? I don't think
we want to mess with these guys. We should just try to blend in.
LEELA: I'll just stay here and have a look around the room. Here, put on these
[She hands him very fancy Egyptian-like clothes with golden armour, chain mail,
a hand ribbon devise, and other things to complete the outfit.]
FRY: Alright, I will go and see just how screwed up this place is and you look
through the computers here to find out anything you can about these people, especially
LEELA: See you soon, I hope.
[He heads out of the room and goes to what he thinks is the bridge. LEELA hooks
up with the ships computer using her nanites.]
FRY: First Prime, what is there to be done today?
FIRST PRIME: My Lord, you have a peace negotiation with Hathor the seductress
soon, should I contact her?
FRY: Yes, that would be good.
[He presses on some crystals on a control panel and an image of none other
than Amy appears on the screen in front of FRY.]
AMY: I am Hathor, have you considered our peace and new alliance conditions?
FRY: I have not, what would you like them to be again?
AMY: Gu'h! Sorry, my host is most troublesome, I would like you to join me
in the crusade with You (that is a name of a System lord) against Anubis.
FRY: Sounds good, how do we finalize the deal?
AMY: I will send you a gift, and you send me one as well.
FRY: What gift would you like?
AMY: The best man you have on your ship.
FRY: Sounds reasonable. Let us all retire now; your gift shall arrive within
[Her image disappears and all the men on the bridge congratulate him on the
negotiations being so smooth. He stays on the bridge until his gift is sent to
her ship, and then retires to his room.]
[He walks into his room to see LEELA standing there, dressed in Egyptian clothing
and wearing Egyptian makeup.]
FRY: So you did decide to blend in after all.
[With that she tackles him to the bed and begins to seriously get down with
him in a way he never enjoyed before. Two hours later, she is asleep naked in
his embrace, when a video intercom call wake him from his sleep.]
SERPENT GUARD: My Lord, I am sorry to disturb you now, but we have been holding
a spy for the last hour and a half down here in the brig; she says she is your
slave, but she was accessing the computer. Do you know her?
[The cameral pans to LEELA who is chained to a wall, and who looks into the
LEELA: What the hell have you been doing all this time!? Didn't you notice
I was gone?
[The other LEELA's head peeks up from behind FRY to see what was going on.
LEELA can clearly get the idea of what was going on for the past two hours.]
LEELA: YOU BASTARD, I'LL KILL YOU!
[The camera pans over to the guard]
SERPANT GUARD: Should we execute her, sir?
FRY: Hell no! I want her brought up to me in the next two minutes before I
SERPANT GUARD: Yes, my Lord!
[A few seconds later a very pissed LEELA is led into the room and left there
with FRY and the other Leela. FRY's LEELA runs over to him and starts to kick
the crap out of him.]
LEELA: HOW COULD YOU!?
FRY: I had no idea it wasn't you, LOOK!
[She looks over and notices that in the bed just getting dressed was another
exact copy of herself.]
LEELA: Oh, well I guess you didn't have any idea.
LEELA 2: Who are you? Why do you look just like me?
FRY: I would like to know who you are first.
LEELA 2: I am Leela, head pleasure priestess for the goddess Hathor. I was
sent here as a gift to you to finalize the peace negotiations.
FRY: Pleasure priestess?
LEELA: Well, I guess I can forgive you this one time, but if I ever find you
doing anything like this again I will kill you for real.
FRY: Well, did you at least find anything good in the computer?
LEELA: Not really, just stuff about how the Ta'ri are a pain, and that Ra is
your brother. I also found out that these snakes take over peoples minds and use
them as hosts to take over the Universe. You are what is called a system lord,
and one of the most powerful at that.
FRY: Well, we should leave before we meet my other self. He may not like my
having taken his job.
LEELA: Good point, let's go.
[The two of them head to the gate, where they are questioned by the First Prime.]
FIRST PRIME: Where are you going, my Lord?
FRY: Um, to find myself a queen. I will be back soon.
[The gate is activated and he heads through to the wasteland world. They go
to the mirror, just as the gate activates and Serpant guards come through shooting
FRY: Looks like the other me found out about us.
LEELA: Change the picture!
[They head through, as a shot from a staff weapon hits the mirror, causing
it to shatter. In the next seemingly Ok dimension, they decide to talk about what
transpired in the last one.]
LEELA: So you mean to tell me that Amy was Hathor the seductress? Figures.
FRY: Yeah, I think that she is only in love with Kif in our dimension, so I
guess she is steady now.
LEELA: Hey, I never noticed that there before.
[She point him over to a large wall with ancient writing on it. It shows Ra
from above shining red rays on the ground below.]
FRY: Looks like a door to a secret room or something.
LEELA: We should get the help of our other selves to get this thing open.
[They head over to the ship, where they see Farnsworth, as a young 23 year
old, and Zapp or Zat, whichever there.]
FARNSWORTH: Alas, it is thine kinsmen the noble FRY and his lady. How doth
things go in thine pyramid?
FRY: What? Why do you talk funny?
ZAPP: Thought havest not remember thine duty from early in the morn to findest
the secret of the false god?
LEELA: No, I don't think you understand, we are from another dimension where
language evolves and changes over time.
FARNSWORTH: Of what blasphemy doth thou speek? Change in ones language is thus
prohibited from two thousand seasons past. Even thou lord FRY knowest that.
ZAPP: Another dimension thou sayest there is? Tis truly a mystery, as were
the stars, and the heaven above.
FRY: You all are totally not helping here.
LEELA: Let's go, we can find a way to open the door ourselves.
[They head back to the pyramid to the door, where they examine the ancient
LEELA: Well, this language is a bit hard to read, but it says here that if
you can enter this room, you will be granted the legacy of the Gould. Who are
FRY: I think they are that ancient race Ra is from, along with being the ones
that took over the Universe in that one dimension.
LEELA: You know, all this is freaking me out a bit. I mean, everything strange
up until now was in that show we all hallucinated about. It's like the writers
had been to all these places.
FRY: They never do know where writers get their ideas for their shows and stuff.
Maybe they're psychic or something.
LEELA: Well, like the show then I guess that this crystal here must open the
room, but what is the mechanism to activate it?
FRY: Look, the light from the symbol of Ra, which stands for the sun, is shining
on the jewel, so maybe we have to shine light on it for the door to open.
LEELA: Could be, hand me your flashlight.
[She shines its light on the jewel, but nothing happens.]
FRY: Wait, look the rays are red, we must need a red light.
LEELA: Where will we get that from?
FRY: Lucky for us I always have a laser pointer on me.
LEELA: Why would you do that? They don't really have a use.
FRY: Back in the twentieth century I used to love to play jokes on people with
them, like shining it on their crotches to make others laugh at them, watch.
[He shines the red beam on Farnsworth, who is outside of the ship enjoying
the view, he looks down and sees the red dot. Amy, who is a nun in this one, notices
AMY: Why doth thou not washeth your clothes in thine river?
FARNSWORTH: No need, I will just take off my pyjamas. Oh my, it has seeped
though to my regular pants, better remove them too. It may be a harmful chemical.
FARNSWORTH: Oh my, it has reached my underpants as well, better remove them
[He removes them in full view of Amy. She gets a clear view of the plumbing.]
AMY: AHHHH!!! My eyes, it BURNS!
[After a few seconds, she recovers, and stares on.]
AMY: Hey, mine eyes doth not burn. My sisters have lied this whole time to
mine virgin soul.
[She gets a devious look on her face and tackles the young Farnsworth to the
ground, kissing him. We see LEELA and FRY staring on from the pyramid.]
LEELA: Wow, once a slut, always a slut.
FRY: Enough of that, let's just use the pointer and let them do it in peace.
[He shines the light on the crystal, and the door slowly opens. They step into
and empty room, with only one porthole like circle on one wall. LEELA looks into
LEELA: Nope, this thing is useless, just a bunch of lights in it.
FRY: Oh well, worth a try, let's go.
[Before LEELA can remove her head, the machine reaches around with metal grips
and locks her head into place.]
LEELA: AHHHHHH!!! I can't get out! HELP ME!!!
[FRY runs over and tries to pull her free, but he isn't strong enough. He tries
to break it with his nannies, but it is just too strong. After a while, LEELA
falls silent and stops moving.]
FRY: LEELA? LEELA! Speak to me!
LEELA: There's nothing more to say, Fry. I'm stuck in this thing for good;
it's over for me. The lights in here are driving me crazy, and I think the air
is running out. Just leave me here to die in peace.
FRY: No! NO! I'm not giving up on you, Leela! You hear me? I'm not! I didn't
try so hard and come all this way just to lose you like this!
LEELA(crying): SHUT UP! Just shut up and go! Quit wasting your time, it's hopeless!
You can go on without me. You can beat this thing, Fry! You have to! Just... please...
don't forget me.
[She cries within the iron grip of the device that has locked her in place,
leaving her unable to even kiss her beloved goodbye. Suddenly, it loosens a bit
and then lets go, leaving an exhausted LEELA to fall limp onto the ground.]
FRY: YOU'RE FREE! Oh, Leela, don't you ever stick your head into a strange
ancient object again!
LEELA: Oh man, my neck is killing me.
FRY: What did you see in there?
LEELA: Just a bunch of weird lights, that's all. Lets go. This place is really
[They go through the mirror once more, and come out in another dimension like
the last, with the strange room and Amy screwing a young Farnsworth in the distance.]
FRY: This looks familiar.
LEELA: Try the light, we might get lucky with that room this time.
[He shines the light on the crystal and the room opens, but inside, instead
of that device, there is a pedestal, and on it is anoter object, like a ribbon
device, but silver and much larger, with a full hand glove made of chain mail.
The rest of it is solid. It is not unlike a large gaunglet with a strance jewel
in the palm.]
FRY: What do you think it is?
LEELA: According to the writing on the walls, it is the device that purged
this world of all the demons, but the one known as Ra. It is called Thor's hammer.
FRY: But it's not a hammer.
LEELA: So? Maybe something cooler was copyrighted when they named the damn
thing; point is this thing must be able to kill those snake things, so we should
just take it and head back to our reality. This whole other dimension thing is
really freaking me out.
FRY: Me too. Come on, I will just use the back button.
[He changes the picture to the very first dimension they came from, and step
though. They see Amy by the Mirror making out with Kif on a blanket.]
AMY: Ahhh! Where did you two come from?
FRY: We found out that this mirror thing can take you to other dimensions.
We have been traveling through them all day.
LEELA: Say, did you ever have feelings for FRY?
AMY: Well, that one time when his head ended up grafted onto my body, but then
we broke up, and after I met Kif, I never thought about it since. Why do you ask?
LEELA: Oh nothing, just wondering what this dimension's take is on this whole
thing about marriage and such.
AMY: Ok, say what do you have in your travel pack, FRY?
FRY: Not much, just this laptop along with this gaunglet thing that can kill
the snake that Ra is, OOH! And we caught a few of those evil snakes from another
AMY: What do you mean by snake?
FRY: Oh yeah, that wasn't the *you* you that saw the planet. You see, Ra is
a parasitic snake thing that takes over your brain and forces your body to act
like a host, making you obey it's every command. You have no control over the
atrocities it may do using your body.
AMY: Weird. Well, come on, the Professor will want to have a look at that device.
[They all head over to the ship, and go inside.]
FRY: Hey Professor, look what we found.
FARNSWORTH: Wha? Where have you two been all day.
LEELA: Dimension hopping, but that's not the point. We found this device here
that can stop Ra.
FRY: And we caught some of those snakes that take people over, just like Ra.
FARNSWORTH: A most strange device. I will need to work late tonight to figure
out how it works. Did you get any information about its function?
FRY: I have no clue, it's not a device of the Ancients.
AMY: I don't know, there's nothing like it in any text I have downloaded.
KIF: Not even the most advanced DOOP technology is like it.
[Just then, we see Nibbler's eyestalk pop up in the background to survey the
situation. He looks on nervously as they hold up the device, examining it.]
FRY: Oh well, we have what we came here for, now we should head out to make
friends and allies to fight Ra and save the Universe from his evil.
LEELA: I think we saw some traces of another class M around here, I will plot
FARNSWORTH: I will have to study those snakes to find out more about them.
[They all go about their tasks, but Nibbler still looks on and paces on the
ground nervously for some reason.]
EPOLOGUE: Thank you all who helped me to create this fan fic, although only
two people ever helped
Special thanks to Anarchist for Proofreading this chapter in the going insane