Futurama

Fan Fiction

NNYPD No Clue
By Fryfan

I don't own Futurama or its characters


NNYPD No Clue

This story takes place between "St. Valentine's Day Disaster" and "PE's Angels".

 

(Opening Scene: the PE Ship is returning home after another successful trip. Cut inside Leela is piloting, Amy is to her left, and Fry and Bender are on the right. Bender has a leg up and relaxing on his seat smoking a cigar and Fry's happy.)

Fry: Man this was great, delivering boxes of kitty litter to Third Earth the Thundercats' Planet. Can you believe a planet based from my favorite 80's cartoon.

Amy: Big Shmeal, Fry. I still think I'm way cutier than Cheetara

Fry: The best part was meeting Snarf. No doubt about it he is the greatest sidekick to come out of the 1980's. He's way better than Slimer.

Leela: it's too bad he disappeared before having a chance to say good-bye.

Fry: (disappointed) Yeah

Leela: That reminds me. [to Bender] Bender did you remember to feed Nibbler?

Bender: (with his eyes closed and still smoking) Yeah, yeah I fed Nibbler.

(Cut to Nibbler in another room and he's just about finished eating some furry animal. We just see the tail, the tail is red, a little bit orange and yellow and... oh god!... Nibbler slurps up the tail and belches. Cut to opening theme song and opening sequence.)

 

Futurama Main Title Theme: "Paying homage to classic 80's cartoons."

Transformer's Cartoon

 

(Opening Scene: PE building and Fry, Leela and Bender are watching "Cop Department.")

Announcer: Tonight on Cop Department (Cut to Smitty and Url and they are right in front of a house.)

Smitty: Alright let's get ready to nail this punk.

Url: Oh yeah, I'm going Bruce Lee Unit 2.0 on his ass.

(They break down the door and they meet a family of green aliens and they were playing "Crapopoly".)

Smitty: Freeze, you are under arrest for stealing a priceless head statue.

Dad Alien: Do you guys even have a search warrant?

Url: You watch too many cop movies, buddy. (They take out their light stick and begin hitting the dad. Cut to a commercial.)

Bender: Man, these cops are no good. Why don't they spend their time going after the big criminals instead of us innocent folks. (Then a priceless head statue falls out of his head and he just quickly puts in back in his compartment. Professor then enters.)

Professor: Bad news everyone, Amy's crying. (Fry and Leela gasp)

Bender: What happen did she spend last night alone for once?

Professor: She was mugged. (Amy enters with her sweat suit ripped and she's crying.)

Leela: Amy? What happened?

Amy: I passed by Central Park and I was mugged by a British guy.

Leela: This is the fifth mugging that has happened in Central Park this week. But in the last four muggings the mugger was a gorilla, then a mailman, then an elephant and then Michael Jackson. Now this British guy.

Professor: It is rumored that the mugger could be anyone.

Leela: Be that as it may, we should complain to the police.

Bender: Oh Amy, I'm sorry.

(Bender hugs her. He feels around her pockets and looks mad because there was nothing left for him to steal. Cut to our three heroes at the police department and they are talking to the chief. We look around and we see wanted posters of an Neptunian with an eye-patch, a street punk, Matt Groening and Bender. Bender manages to walk up to the his poster and rip it down.)

Leela: So chief, we are wondering when are you going to get off your ass and catch this mugger?

Chief: Hey, lady, can't you see I'm watching "All My Circuits" (Cameras pan to see him doing so and Bender has managed to quickly walk up to him and watch the TV with him.)

Bender: Yeah, Leela, we are trying to watch TV. Can you be more quiet?

Fry: Bender you are supposed to be on our side.

Bender: Hey I'm on my own side and my side wants to watch "All My Circuits."

Chief: Alright that's it, either you three leave or I book you.

Leela: Under what Charge?

Chief: Disturbing a policeman's TV viewing. (Cut to outside of the police department.)

Fry: Well so much for complaining.

Leela: Come on let's just go home. (Just then we see a street punk walk up to Leela.)

Punk: Hey, beautiful, you have one eye. I have one thing you'd be interested in.

Fry: Hey that's my girlfriend you are talking to. (Starts to roll up his sleeves.)

Leela: Fry no, this guy looks tough.

Punk: I see your girlfriend has you on a short leash.

Fry: Alright, it is time to take it to the next level.

(Fry tries to punch him, but the punk just punches him down. Then he takes out a knife and is about to cut Fry, when Leela kicks him in the stomach and side kicks his face knocking him out. This causes a few police officers to come out the station.)

Chief: Smitty, Url arrest that punk. (They walk over to him and cuff him.)

Chief: (to Leela) Nice job.

Fry: Yeah Leela, that was awesome.

Chief: That punk has been terrorizing this street for weeks.

Leela: Why haven't you arrested him?

Chief: He's always managed to out-run my men.

Bender: Mr. Chief, I helped too, so do we get some sort of reward, particularly cash.

Chief: No wait, I have a better idea. How would you three like to be honorary police officers?

Leela: Us on the police force? Why not?

Fry: Wow, we get to be cops?

Bender: Me on the enforcing side of the law for once? Do we get badges?

Chief: Absolutely. (Everybody cheers, but then we hear the TV announcer from the TV in station.)

TV Announcer: And now back to All My Circuits. (The Chief and Bender race in. Next Scene. Planet Express and Fry, Leela and Bender have arrived and they are wearing police uniforms much like Smitty and Url. Amy, Hermes, the Professor and Zoidberg are amazed.)

Amy: Wow, Leela you look great.

Leela: Why thank you, Amy.

Amy: I mean I'd never join the police force, because they don't have uniforms in women's sizes, but you've managed to pull it off. (Leela just gives an angry stare.)

Zoidberg: So now you guys are policeman, can you maybe look for that dollar I lost when I fell asleep while I was watching TV with Bender?

Bender: Whoa crab, one case at a time.

Fry: Yeah Zoidberg, we are assigned to Central Park, to catch the mugger.

Leela: Come on men, let's go. (As they exit the building, Bender opens his chest and pulls out a dollar.)

Bender: Heh heh heh, he ain't getting you back baby.

(Cut to them at Central Park. Fry, Leela and Bender are just standing around.)

Fry: Man, this is great, we get to have fresh air and we are making a difference. [turns his head] Hey you kids get off the grass! Can't you read!

Kid: (OS) Up yours, officer. (Fry tries to walk up to them, but Leela stops him.)

Leela: Fry, I'm not pulling those kids off of you for a third time.

Fry: Third times the charm.

(Cut to Bender. He's set his hand to swinging light stick mode and he's laid his eyes on a hooker bot.)

Bender: Hey, baby I noticed how fast you were walking.

Hooker bot: I was programmed to dig a robot in a uniform.

Bender: Why don't I show you what I have under this uniform.

(They both walk into some bushes and statics of electricity are seen. Cut to later that day and the sun is setting and it is getting dark.)

Bender: Well aside from all the fembots, this day was boring. (Starts smoking his cigar.)

Fry: yeah we spent the whole day here and we haven't caught that mugger.

Leela: Well the night is still young.

(Just then they see a flash and hear a scream and they race to the direction to see it was Hattie.)

Fry: What happened?

Hattie: Someone robbed my purse you whachacallit genius. Whoever it was, went that away. (Points to her left.)

Leela: I'll call for back up. (She does so and soon Smitty and Url arrive.) We'll have to split up and search the park, but be careful. (They all search the park. It is really dark, they have flashlights and Leela sees something.)

Leela: I'll check this way. (She heads right to that direction and is stunned to see its another Leela.) This can't be, how can it be...

Leeladouble: Me? It is and you are the mugger.

(Kicks Leela knocking her down, but then this double changes into Hattie.)

Hattie: Help police! The mugger is this woman. Look here's a picture.

(Smitty, Url, and Fry arrive and are shocked to see the picture of Leela holding a purse with an evil grin.)

Smitty: Officer Leela, you are under arrest.

Fry: It can't be, Leela? (We pan to the bushes and see electricity sparks. Bender comes out smoking cigar.)

Bender: Whoa babe, I think we just broke the law.

(Next Scene Leela is behind bars and is talking to the Hyperchicken.)

Hyperchicken: Now don't you threat none missy, I think I can get that there judge to think you're insane.

Leela: that's always your ploy, and it always has negative results. I wish you were a visitor and not a cell mate.

(Camera pans to show he's in the very next cell.)

Hyperchicken: Well this is what I get for eating the mayor's corn. (Fry and Bender enter in their regular clothes.)

Fry: Leela how could you?

Bender: Yeah, committing crimes and not letting your pal Bender in on some action. We're very ashamed of you.

Leela: You morons. I'm not the mugger.

Fry: But what about the picture we saw.

Leela: It was a fake. The mugger just made himself to look like me. I believe the mugger is a shape-shifter.

Fry: You mean, you didn't do it.

Leela: Exactly.

Fry: Don't worry, Leela, we'll bust you out.

Leela: I think it is better if you guys find the real mugger.

Fry: Okay that could work.

Bender: Well, we better hurry before her trial starts.

Fry: Is she facing time?

Bender: Worse, I overhead the chief saying that she may get 24 hours of community service.

(Fry, Leela and Bender all have disgusted expressions on their face. Cut to Fry and Bender walking down the streets.)

Fry: We need to save Leela. We need to find some...you know those things that help lead to someone's innocence.

Bender: You mean clues?

Fry: Yeah those things. (Just then they meet Hattie.)

Hattie: Why, hello officers. I hope your partner gets what's coming to her.

Fry: Excuse me, ma'am, but that officer is my girlfriend and I don't think it was her who mugged you.

Hattie: (nervous) What do you mean? What are you implying? (Drops something and it's a instant camera 4000.)

Bender: An instant camera 4000? It uses the same film as the one that produced the picture of Leela as the mugger.

Fry: Ma'am I going to ask you to come with us.

(Tries to take her arm, but Hattie kicks him down and starts running. Fry gets up and along with Bender, chase after Hattie. They pass by all sorts of buildings, and Hattie starts to pull out a laser and fires back at Fry and Bender. Fry returns fire with his laser. They finally make it inside an old factory. As Fry and Bender enter, Fry gasps.)

Fry: Oh my God, this is an old Transformers' factory. Oh I can't believe it (Races and picks up a figure.) Look Optimus Prime. I used to play with this toy when I was a little kid. (Shows Bender.)

Bender: Let me see. (Picks it up.) So you think you're the best robot huh? Lets see you transform into something that bites my shiny metal ass. (Starts playing with it and turns into a lead pipe and starts to bend it into a pretzel.)

Bender: Bender 1, Optimus Prime 0 (Smokes a cigar. Just then a laser beam all most nails Bender, Fry returns fire. He fires into the shadows of a scaffold and Hattie falls down. Fry walks up to her and points the gun right at him.)

Fry: I know what you are thinking. You are asking yourself, did he fire eight times or seven? So do you feel lucky...punk?

Hattie: (in male voice) Punk, why you mental case. (Fry and Bender gasp. Hattie they changes into Alcazar.)

Alcazar: Yes, it is me, Alcazar.

Fry: Who?

Alcazar: The pentagamist? (Fry just stares into space.) The guy who could change form? (Fry just does the same.) I tried to trick Leela into marrying me? (Fry just does the same.) You beat me on that AOL game.

Fry: Oh...so why are you on Earth?

Alcazar: I'm here to get back at you, Fry!

Fry: Why?

Alcazar: It was you who exposed me as the polygamist that I am. No woman will come to my planet and clean my castles and do you know how dirty the bathrooms get, after pig uses them? But most of all, you cost me to lose Leela. I came to Earth to try and trick her back, but I learned you were seeing her, it was then I came to the conclusion that if I can't Leela, then no one can.

Fry: So you posed as a mugger and framed her?

Alcazar: Yes, I mugged those people, then turned into leela, to frame her. It was only way.

Bender: That plan sucks.

Alcazar: Hey, do you have any idea how hard it is to do this revenge thing?

Fry: Well, you are coming with us to clear Leela's name.

Alcazar: That's what you think. (Changes into Optimus Prime. Bender and Fry start to back away, but they realize they are between a wall and a huge pissed robot.)

Bender: (on his knees) Please, spare me, I'm sorry for destroying that action figure, and I'm sorry for feeding Nibbler Snarf.

Fry: What! You fed Nibbler Snarf?

Bender: That Snarf was so god damn annoying. I figured the Thundercats didn't need a comedy relief.

Optimus Prime: Time to die.

Fry: Wait, I got an idea. (Camera points at Bender reacting to Fry doing something to Optimus Prime. We only see their shadows and Optimus Prime is transformed into a big wheel.)

Fry: You should have thought twice before messing with a transformer's fan.

Big wheel: I'm not licked yet. (Changes into Leela.)

Leela: Time to kick your ass.

(Starts beating the hell out of Fry. Bender takes a few transformers and makes a big cage and manages to place it over Leela. Leela has no choice but to turn back to Alcazar.)

Alcazar: Let me out!

Bender: No way, and, oh, for the record, I lied. The cartoons from the 1980's where too faddiest and the animation was too colorful and crude. (Cut to the police station. The chief is talking to Leela, Fry and Bender.)

Chief: Good work men and Leela, can you ever forgive us for the misunderstanding?

Leela: I suppose so.

Chief: Well then it is with great joy to say, you three are fired.

Leela, Fry and Bender: What?!

Fry: Why?

Chief: Well since you caught the mugger, crime has been slow and we need to cut some people.

Now get out before I book you. (Turns his head to the TV to watch it. Fry, Leela and Bender walk outside the station.)

Leela: Well, I guess it is back to Planet Express.

Fry: I guess so.

Leela: Fry, thank you for clearing my name. (Kisses him.)

Fry: Thanks, but also thank Bender.

Bender: Yeah, it was my dislike for 1980's cartoons that saved us.

Leela: I guess you are right.

Bender: Now let's go get drunk.

Leela and Fry: Alright. (They begin to walk, but as they leave Bender steps on something and his foot has some blue goo.)

Bender: Damn, lousy Smurfs. (Wipes his foot off the curb and walks on.)

 

THE END

Buddies