Fan Fiction

My Life as a Futurama Character, Part 3
By The Kif


Upon boarding the Nimbus we were greeted by the moron himself Zapp Branigan.  He looked at Fry then panned his eyes across Amy, Bender, Leela and then when he got to me he shouted, “That has got to be the ugliest person I ever seen.”

“Well hello to you to captain jack ass.”  I said to Zapp.

Zapp was wearing a red and orange velour uniform and white boots.

“I am not a jack ass I am a well respected captain.”  Zapp said.

“Respected my ass.”  Bender said to Zapp trying to raise his middle finger.

“Hey Zapp where’s Kif?”  Amy axed with a smile.

“Kif is some where on this ship unclogging the drains.”  Zapp replied in disgust.

“Fry should you be doing something?”  I whispered to him so Zapp did not hear.

“Hey Zapp were is your washroom?”  Fry axed doing a little dance.

“Oh by the way when you said ugly, did you realize that I am 3d?”  I axed Zapp in an angry voice.

“3d I will have you locked up under Branigan law.”  He said reaching for some hand cuffs.

Fry wandered off to look for Nibbler.  Amy went to find Kif; Bender went to find stuff to steal.  I stayed there with Leela and talked with Zapp and kept him from finding out what the others were up to.

“So what is your name?”  Zapp axed stuttering.

“Michael and you are nothing but a moron.”  I replied trying not to laugh.

“A moron you say.  Why am I a moron?”  Zapp axed with a confused look on his face.

“You don’t know why you are a moron?”  Leela axed now starting to chuckle.

“You should not answer a question with a question.”  I said laughing by this point.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Leela axed also laughing.

“I have no clue.”  I replied slapping myself in the face.

“So Leela are you and this nothing going out?”  He axed in a sexy way that almost made me puke.

“No why?”  She axed with a frown.

“Well then maybe we can interact with each other.”  He said looking back towards his quarters.

“Like Bender says you can interact with her ass by biting it.”  I said laughing.

Leela started to laugh at the fact that I said that.

“You are a mouthy guy aren’t you?”  He axed me not liking me by this point.

“Mouthy.  No he is not mouthy.  He is sweet and does not take advantage of people like someone I know.”  She said standing up for me knowing that I can do it on my own.

“Can we please fix the ship so we can go?”  I axed getting anxious.

So then we were walking to the ship deck where the planet express ship was to fix it.  Zapp reached over to a call button and then pressed it.

“Kif get down here and help us.”  Zapp said sort of snotty.

A few minutes later Kif and Amy showed up to help out.  Their faces looked smashed it to each other as they kissed.  I stood there and said “get a room you to.”  After I said that Amy came up to me and kicked my in the shin.

“Michael this is Kif.  Kif this is Michael.”  Amy said smiling at Kif.

Kif wore a red shirt with black pants and is green.

“Kif it is cool that I get to meet you.”  I said with a grin.

“Uh um mmmm ah eesh yeea.”  Kif said like he always does when he meets someone new.

After working and talking for four and a half hours on the ship was finally fixed.

“So anyone want coffee?”  I axed walking away.

“Yah sure.”  Everyone replied following behind me.

So while sitting there and talking Bender walked in. “There I did what I needed to do.”  Bender said with a lot of clanking coming from his chest compartment.

I looked at Zapp “yo man were is the washroom?”  I axed walking away.

“There is one in Kifs living quarter.”  He replied pointing to Kifs quarters.

“Thanks.”  I said going were Zapp said it was.

I went to look for Kifs living quarters.  Upon going there I ran into Fry.

“Hey Fry did you find Nibbler?”  I axed making a weird face.

“No but I did find something.”  He said holding what looks like pictures.

“Well what is it show me.”  I said to him trying to pull them out of his hands.

He pulled out some pics of Leela in some kind of sexy outfit.

“So that is what the hell happened that night you and Bender were locked up in that room when Bender pulled the hatch off the steam pipe.”  I said to him smiling at the pictures.

“I guess I am not sure.  And how do you now about Bender and me in that room when he bent the hatch off the steam pipe?”  He axed wondering how I know all of this.

“I have ways off knowing things.  Why did she even sleep with him for anyways?”  I axed looking back at Fry.

“I am not sure I think she felt sorry for him or something.”  He said looking at the floor sadly.

We walked into Kifs living quarters and I told Fry I would be out in a few.  When I came out I noticed something under Kifs bed.

“Hey Fry what is that under Kifs bed?”  I axed looking under the bed.

He looked under the bed and looked there was an eye looking at him.

“I am not sure what that is.  All I know that there is an eye.”  He replied looking scared.

So then I looked.

“Hey there don’t worry I will not hurt you. I just want to help.”  I said to what ever it was.

It made a funny noise.

“What was that?”  Fry axed looking worried.

“I am not sure.”  I replied still staring under the bed.

Just then Nibbler appeared from under the bed.

“Hey we found Nibbler.”  Fry said happily.

“Crap lets go before something happens.”  I said picking up nibbler and getting the hell out of there before we get caught.

Just the Zapp walked in.

“What the hell is going on here?” Zapp axed looking at Fry and I.

“Run.”  I yelled running out of the room by the time I said that.

So Fry and I ran.  I looked behind us and Zapp was closing in fast.

“Leela, Bender, Amy lets go go go we have found Nibbler.”  I shouted.

So then we were running to the Planet Express ship when Zapp yelled, “gaurds stop them.”

We ran onto the ship and I sat in the captain’s chair and I started up the ship.  Just then Leela walked and said, “What the hell are you doing?”  Before she finished walking towards me we were leaving the Nimbus ship and heading back for earth.  I got on the radio.

“Hello anyone there?”  I axed pleading.

“A casual hello.” Came back over.

Leela grabbed the radio switch out of my hands.

“Zoidberg get Hermes or the professor.  Now.”  She said disparately.

“Fine.”  He replied disappointed that no one wants to talk to him.

“This is Hermes what is wrong?”  He axed in a weird way.

I grabbed the radio switch from Leela.

“Nothing he have Nibbler and are now coming home see you soon.”  I replied calmly and collective.