Fan Fiction

Three Days and Two Nights, part 5

In which Fry, Leela and Zoidberg fight the Robot Mafia, Amy has her final showdown with the racist kangaroo and then parties with a female minotaur, Leela tenderizes squid and steak, and Hermes figures out if he's covered in mud or not.

“This is the final round of the King of Chefs Tournament,” the large reptilian creature that was acting as the host of the ‘dinner party’ said. “This is the desert round. As a reminder, in order for the chef to win, his taster must keep down what schle’s eaten. Any if there’s any regurgitation by a taster, the chef is immediately disqualified and the taster dispatched to the winner’s restaurant.”

Amy sat at the table and fought to keep her stomach under control. She knew that she had to look as bad as she felt, and that she was probably going to die soon. The only glimmer of hope she had was that the humma looked almost as bad as she thought she did. Her only hope would be to get him to vomit before she did. As the food started to get laid out, she wracked her brain for something, anything, that she could do to get him to throw up. When all the food was finally set in front of them, she hung her head and defeat and dropped her hands into her lap. She sat for several seconds, and then got an idea.

What if I…No, I couldn’t do THAT, in front of all these people, could I, she thought. Her morals were, by Fry’s ancient standards and even by some from her own time, a little loose, but that would be a whole other level of loose. There has to be another way, she thought, looking around the room. She looked over at the humma, who was just glaring at her, and then down at her plate. Fighting down all the food she had already eaten, she swallowed hard. No, she thought, there is no other way.

Making up her mind, she winked at the humma, as she wiped her finger through the ultra-rich moose mousse. Licking her finger seductively, she leaned back in her chair and put her feet up onto the table as far apart as she could, giving the humma a perfect view of her business and what she was about to do. Meh, she thought as she closed her eyes and started, I’m on vacation. Besides, it’s not like I’m going to see any of these people again anyways…

“HI-YA,” Leela yelled as she kicked Zoidberg in the face. While he was off-balance, she kept kicking him. “You two idiots stole and crashed my ship! That’s our only way off this planet!”

Getting his claws up to block her kicks, Zoidberg said, “Maybe Zoidberg doesn’t want to get off this planet! Maybe Zoidberg likes it here on this island! Maybe Zoidberg doesn’t like it when his so-called friends hit him and make him their slave! Maybe…”

“Maybe Zoidberg should shut up and pay more attention to his surroundings,” Leela said, kicking him in the face. Zoidberg, consumed with blocking her kicks, hadn’t seen the fallen tree, but Leela did. Using her kicks, she maneuvered him into position and knocked him over the log.

But what Leela didn’t see was the drop on the other side of the log, or the pond with a small stream leading out of it at the bottom. Zoidberg warbled angrily as he fell into the pool. Fry and Leela searched from where they were, but they couldn’t see anything. Similarly, when they reached the pool a few minutes later, there was no sign of him.

“Stupid crab must have swum out through that creek over there,” Leela said. “Damn it. Now we’re going to have to do this the hard way.”

“Leela,” Fry said, trying not to anger her further. “It’s starting to get dark. Shouldn’t we look for some shelter or something? Why don’t we just go back to the boat?”

She fumed for a few minutes before turning. “You’re right, Fry. We can’t track him underwater or in the dark.” She started heading back toward the shore, but then she stopped. “Oh, I’m an idiot. We can’t track him, but we can find the ship with this,” she said, holding up her wrist-a-majigger.

“Great,” he replied, “but it’s still getting dark. Where are we going to sleep?”

“Fry, I have a cabin on the ship.”

“Yeah? So what? So do I.”

“Fry, I’ve got a private cabin, with a door that locks.”

“Rub it in, why don’t you? I sleep in an old storage closet that I share with Bender. And the door barely shuts.”

“Fry,” she said, rubbing her eye in frustration. “I have a cabin on the ship. All to myself. With a door that locks. And a big bed...”

He was confused for several more seconds before the light bulb went on. “Oh, now I get it.”

“You will soon,” she said, raising her eyebrow.

“I am disappointed,” the Donbot said.

After the encounter with Zoidberg, they reported back to the Donbot. He barely waited for them to land before he and a mechanic boarded their limo and they headed back toward the island.

“We did the best we could, DonBot,” Joey said as the mechanic installed his new arm.

“But that stupid crab got the drop on us with his primitive weapons. He snipped us before I could clamp him,” Clamps added.

“He has bested you twice now in clamp to pincer combat, Clamps,” the Donbot said. “I think it is time to try a different tactic. We’re just going to go in with guns and shoot him. And after we kill this crab man to death, we’ll have another discussion with Bender about taking things that don’t belong to him. And then we will kill him. Again.”

They tramped through the brush for another hour before they saw the silhouette of the ship. It was sitting upright on its landing gear, but the nose looked crushed. It was too dark to see if there was any other damage.

“Those owl bastard idiots,” Leela hissed. “Look what they did to my ship! We’re going to be here another week just to get that thing space worthy.”

“Then it’s just another week in paradise,” Leela, Fry replied, putting his hand on her shoulder. “You, me, a bunch of other people, romantic desert island, Robot Mafia goons and Zoidberg trying to kill us. What could possibly be wrong with that?”

She just stared at him for a few minutes before sighing, “You’re right Fry. No sense being angry about it now. I can fly into an uncontrollable rage when I actually get my hands on Bender and Zoidberg.

“Bender,” she yelled as she stood up and walked into the clearing. “Where in Robot Hell are you and what the crap did you do to my ship?” When there was no answer, she yelled again. “Damn it, Bender, this isn’t funny anymore. Ok, so it really wasn’t funny to begin with, but now it’s even less so. Come out so I can kick the crap out of you. Come on, you big baby. Take your beating like a man.”

“Bender,” Fry yelled. Come on, buddy. “I forgive you for using Zoidberg as your patsy instead of me. Even though this isn’t the first time you’ve ignored your best friend and chosen someone else for this type of thing. I mean, you’re kind of developing a pattern here, and it’s making me rethink our best friendship.”

“There’s no Bender here. Only the Robot Mafia,” the Donbot walked out from under the ship. “Bender owes us money, and we are taking this ship as his payment.”

“The Hell you are,” Leela said, crouching down to fight.

“I didn’t know that female meatbags had ball bearings like this,” the Donbot said with a chuckle. “Joey, Clamps, show our fleshy friends here that I am not kidding.”

“With pleasure, boss,” Joey said.

“We’re going to clamp ‘em good!”

“Hey, Francis,” Fry said. “I haven’t seen you since that thing on the Moon. How’s it going?”

“Fine, thanks, now that I’ve gone back to CLAMPING,” he yelled, opening and closing his clamps repeatedly, and started to approach Fry.

“Yeah, that seems to suit you better than being a delivery robot,” Fry said, nodding his head.

“Fry, will you stop being friendly with the goons that are trying to kill us?”

“Just because they’re trying to kill us, it’s no reason to be uncivil, Leela,” he replied, folding his arms across his chest.

“Enough of the, what do you call it, chitchat,” the Donbot said. “Joey, Clamps, do yer things.”


“Yeah, what you said,” Joey added. He fired, but a coconut hit him in the head, throwing off his aim.

“FRANCIS,” Zoidberg yelled from the top of the ship, his head fin unfurled. “So, you’ve come back for more, eh? And you’ve brought your friends with, too, I see. Well, if more Zoidberg is what you want, more Zoidberg is what you’ll get!” Warbling, he leapt off the ship, landing hard on Joey, knocking the laser rifle out of his hands. Joey stood up, throwing Zoidberg to the side. Before he could grab his gun, Zoidberg was back on him.

Seeing an opening, Leela leapt at Clamps. She swung several kicks at his head before connecting with one that knocked the robot off his feet. “HI-YA,” she screamed as she tried to stomp on his head, only to have her foot caught in the clamps.

Throwing her across the clearing, Clamps stood up and straightened his head and spit into his clamps. “I’m going to enjoy clamping you, toots!”

”This will only hurt a lot,” Zoidberg screamed as he put his two pincers around Joey’s throat. Squeezing, he tried to fight through Joey’s neck. The metal was thicker here than it was at his shoulders, and Zoidberg couldn’t make any headway.

Joey reached up and grabbing Zoidberg around the throat. The robot shook him, and then threw him across the clearing and into a tree. “You got some nerve, crabby,” he said, bending over to pick up the rifle. “Now, let’s see what kind of guts you have.”

Joey looked around, but didn’t see Zoidberg. “Where’d you go, crabby? Come on out and just let me kill you.” Joey heard a noise in off to his right and fired. There was a small fire in the underbrush, but no sign of Zoidberg. “Come out, come out, wherever you are,” he called. “Come on, crabby. I promise that I’ll kill you quickly.”

“Ha, you’d like that,” Zoidberg yelled and threw a rock, hitting Joey in the chest. As soon as he heard him, the robot turned and fired again.

“You’re getting careless, crab,” Joey said as he inspected the scene. There was a white lab coat, the kind that the target was wearing, smoldering on the ground. When he didn’t see any other sign of him, Joey headed into the bush. “Where are you, crabby,” he said as he knocked over everything in his path. “Hiding isn’t going to do you any good. I’m some kind of unceasing machine that’s bent on finding you. And then killing you. And doing it a couple of more times, if I feel like it.”

“You,” Zoidberg’s voice echoed from the dark woods. “Kill me? Make me laugh, you do. You wouldn’t know killing a dodecapodian if you were taught a class in it! But deactivating a robot… That, I know.”

Joey spun around, not knowing where the voice was coming from. The forest was playing havoc with his audio receptors and not letting him triangulate Zoidberg’s position. “Where are you, crab,” he said, spinning around and firing wildly. Something hard hit him in the head, staggering him. Looking down, he saw a coconut, split in half.

“Here, Mr. Robit Mafia Tough Guy,” Zoidberg said from the edge of the clearing, about 50 feet away. “What,” he said, taunting, and taking a quick look behind him, over his shoulder, “you can’t hit me from there? You Mr. Robit Big Shot can’t hit a stationary target.”

Joey charged toward Zoidberg, firing as he did. Expecting that, Zoidberg ducked, the laser blasts flying harmlessly over his head and into the clearing.

Clamps closed on Leela, snapping his clamps open and closed as he approached. They two of them circled around each other, each teasing blows. Leelas kicks were easily blocked, and Clamps’ hands were just as easily avoided.

Losing his patients, Clamps said, “You getting tired, skin tube? You know you’re no match for me. I’m a robot and yer just a fleshy mound of goo encased in a sack of skin. While your muscles and whatever get tired and you run out of energy, I can clamp all night long.” He swung, but Leela was just a hair too slow, as Clamps nicked the back of her head with a clamp. “OH! Too much for you, metbag? Why don’t you just give up and let me clamp you?”

She was lucky that he hadn’t connected more solidly. That shot was giving her a headache. He was right, though. She was getting tired. She hadn’t slept all that well last night, she’d hadn’t eaten since lunch much earlier in the day, she’d been hiking through the jungle for most of the afternoon, not to mention laying out in the sun on the boat and having had sex with Fry twice that afternoon. She needed to end this soon, or she’d be clamped. She snapped out a kick that knocked Clamps’ head sideways. Smirking, she said, “You’re getting slow, Francis. When was the last time you had a drink? A real robot should have finished a weak skin tube like me off a while ago. Just admit it,” she said, kicking him in the leg, “you couldn’t beat Zoidberg, and you can’t beat me.”

Clamps growled and took several more careless swipes at Leela, who dodged them easily. “Why does the Donbot even keep you around, Francis? Losing fights against ‘inferior’ opponents twice in one day? You’ll be lucky if the Donbot scraps you. He’ll probably just leave you here to rust.”

As they circled each other, Leela saw flashes in the woods behind Clamps, and heard Joey and Zoidberg yelling back and forth at each other. After she dodged a few more clamps to the head, she looked up and saw Zoidberg staring at her. He mimed someone shooting, and pointed at Clamps. Hoping she knew what he wanted, she nodded and started driving Clamps towards him with her kicks.

“You’re slipping, Francis,” she taunted, trying to keep his attention focused on her instead of on his surroundings. “You should have clamped me ages ago.” She feinted a few times, just to keep moving him where she thought Zoidberg wanted him. She looked up again, catching Zoidberg’s eye. He nodded vigorously, indicating her to go down. She nodded, then took a wild swing that put her off balance. Clamps took advantage and punched her, knocking her to her back.

“Ah ha,” he said, standing over her. “Who’s the inferior fighter now, huh? I’mma clamp you good!”

“You’d think that, wouldn’t you,” she said, kicking him in the chest to stand him up straight just in time to be shot from behind. Clamps fell as several laser blasts hit him in the back of the head. Leela, now free of her fight with Clamps, kipped up and charged Joey. Lowering his guard, and now just realizing what he’d done, Joey didn’t notice Leela leap into the air, her boot coming straight for his head. Her kick landed solidly, knocking his head off violently enough to deactivate him.

“Well, that went better than I expected,” Leela said as she approached Zoidberg, still wary. When he held up his claws, indicating that he wasn’t looking for any more trouble, she relaxed.

“I’m done fighting for now, Leela,” he said.

“I am glad to hear that,” the Donbot said, as he fired on Zoidberg, hitting him twice in the shoulder, knocking him face first to the clearing floor.

Despite being covered in the vomit of dozens of aliens, threatened with death if she ever set foot in any of the restaurants on the planet again for how she ‘insulted the integrity of the King of Chefs Tournament with her vile act of self-gratification,’ and being thrown bodily (and still naked) out into the street, Amy was giddy.

Her plan, as disgusting as it was, worked perfectly. The results were quick, dirty, and satisfying, in more way than one. As soon as the humma saw what she was doing, he started to scream about how she should be disqualified because ‘monkeys can’t control themselves in public.’ And then he started vomiting. And once he started, a peristaltic chain-reaction followed, with half the crowed following suit, which resulted in the rest of the crowd vomiting. Amy, the center of the storm, just smiled. As she was dragged away from the table, the humma glanced up at her. After saluting him with a finger from each hand, she started to reach back down between her legs, but the guard dragging her stopped her. It wasn’t soon enough for the humma, however. He started vomiting all over again, setting off the crowd once more.

With her physical lusts at least partially satisfied, Amy whistled as she walked into the night. She eventually found a road that would lead her toward the beach so she could clean herself up. She didn’t care about the looks she was getting from people as she passed: she was free, alive and full. For now, anyway. And besides, she was on vacation, and she’d probably never see any of these people again anyways.

“You two have had your fun,” the Donbot said as he fired again, hitting Leela in the back of her thigh as she tried to roll Zoidberg over. “Now,” he said, hitting her in the head with the butt end of the rifle, dropping her, “it is my turn. The two of you have caused me some considerable short circuits. I have Bender, I have the ship. And you two have defied the Robot Mafia, openly and violently. You have demonstrated that if you resist, we can be defeated and forced to run away. We, I, cannot have that become common knowledge. It would make the various robots that pay us protection think that they do not need our protection.” Raising the rifle to Zoidberg’s face, he said, “I usually don’t death kill fleshies, but in your cases, I shall make an exception.”

There was a loud metallic bang, and then a deeper thud, like a robot had hit the ground. Opening his eyes, Zoidberg saw the reason: Fry, standing there, holding one of Amy’s heavy industrial wrenches. Forgotten in the melee, Fry snuck onto the ship, gotten the tool, and taken out the Donbot. “Come on, Zoidberg,” he said, holding out his hand. “Let’s get everything together and get out of here.”

Fry staggered a little as Zoidberg put Leela over his shoulder. “Ugh, she’s heavier than she looks,” he said as they walked up the ramp.

“I’m not a doctor,” Zoidberg said, “Oh, wait, I am. But the other kind. Anyway, you probably shouldn’t have her head hanging over like that. All of her blood will rush to her cloaca, causing her gills to become clogged.” Reaching out with his good arm, he grabbed a roll of duct tape from a shelf in the hall to start working on his shoulder.

“Meh,” Fry said, heading into the hall toward their rooms. “She’ll be fine. A little brain damage never…something something. Damn, I thought I had something there,” he added, shaking his head. “By the way, where’s Bender,” he asked as he opened Leela’s door.

“Oh, he’s around somewhere,” Zoidberg said, laughing manically.

“No, really, where is he?”

“He’s in here,” Zoidberg said, opening a closet door. Bender’s pieces were stuffed into the closet, most of them bearing pincer marks. “He ordered me around too many times, so I took the claws to him,” he said, snapping his claws.

“Meh. Leela will know how to fix him. Let’s go get the boat.”

It was well after the planet’s midnight, and the beach was still crowded, this time with nocturnal species playing in the surf and on sand. It was so crowded that Amy had to lay in a small patch of sand instead of on a lounger. She had sand in unmentionable and irritating places, but she felt better lying naked on the beach under the stars than she had in a while. She’d cleaned herself off in the ocean and then laid on the sand to dry in the warm tropical breezes.

Getting thirsty, she stood up and wiped off as much sand off herself as she could. “Sand in my crack is a small price to pay,” she said as stretched out the kinks of the last two days. Walking up the beach toward the bar, she caught the eye of a naked, and rather drunk, female minotaur. “Mmmm….female hairless ape,” she slurred. “Hey, baby. Wanna try a side of prime beef,” she asked, slapping her naked backside. “Or am I just too much woman for you?”

Amy stopped and stared at the creature. She’s a little bigger and hairier than I like, she thought, but that little performance at the Tournament finally didn’t satiate my lusts as much as I thought. And I haven’t seen Kiffy in weeks. Meh, he won’t mind. I’m on vacation, so this doesn’t really count as cheating. Turning toward her, Amy walked over, swaying her hips wide. “Hey, baby…,” she said, practically purring. “What’s a nice cow like you doing on a planet like this?”

“I’m on vacation,” she replied breathily.

“Hmmm,” Amy said. “I’m on vacation, too…”

Fry and Zoidberg loaded the rental boat into the cargo bay, and then Fry flew them back to their hotel. It was nearly dawn when they parked in the ocean after unloading the boat. Leela had regained consciousness, arranged for the ship to be made space-worthy, and put Bender back together by the time Fry gently set the ship into the water. Proud of him for not crashing the ship into the Ocean, she gave Fry a kiss, which led to several more, and, an after an hour long diversion in her cabin, the four of them departed for the mainland. Zoidberg stayed long enough to eat something from the ocean floor before heading back to the hotel.

“I hope you learned your lesson, Bender,” she said as Fry turned the boat keys in.

“Nope,” the robot said as he pulled out a cigar. Lighting it with a hundred dollar bill, he continued, “Its part of my charm. I don’t learn my lessons, and I never get my comeuppance. If I had feelings, I’d feel empty for never getting closure, but, meh. I’m a robot. No feelings here,” he said, knocking on his casing as he walked away.

“Oh, Lord,” she said, rolling her eye.

Seeing that the two of them were alone now, Fry asked, “So Leela, you want some breakfast?”

“How about we see if that waffle place you went to the other night is still open,” she said, lacing her arm through his. “Maybe then we can find out what happened to you.”

“Meh, if you want,” he said, shrugging his shoulders. “After yesterday, I’m just going to chalk it up to being on vacation. I don’t intend to ever come back here, I don’t expect to see any of these people again, and, again, after what you and I did yesterday and this morning, I really don’t care what happened. I’ve got you now, and none of that matters,” he said with a kiss on her cheek. “How about we try that place we ate at yesterday? The food was good and it was so cheap. The service was kind of iffy, though.”

“Fry, our waitress was hitting on me. She wanted to sleep with me, right there in the restaurant, on our table, while you were eating breakfast. She gave me my meal for free, hoping that I’d have sex with her. Didn’t you notice the crappy service that you were getting, and how she was undressing and molesting me with her eyes?”

“Pfft. It’s the future, Leela. That’s probably just how those green-skinned space babes are.”

“Sweet Oprah, you’re clueless. It’s a good thing you’re cute.”

They walked, arm and arm down the street a ways before Fry tripped over a familiar shape. Lying in a pile on the sidewalk was an unconscious and odiferous Hermes. He was covered in, again, what Leela hoped was dirt, and he was wrapped around a strange looking plant.

“Phew,” Fry said standing up. “He smells like every concert that I ever went to back in the 90’s. Should we wake him?”

“Naw,” Leela said. “Let him sleep it off. We know where he is. We can always come back for him when we have to leave. Let’s get breakfast.”

It was dark, hot, and something smelled funky. She inhaled deeply, and thought it might be herself. The night was a blur, and Amy was having trouble remembering it. She remembered how she ‘won’ the King of the Chefs Tournament, being covered in vomit, and wandering the streets naked until she found the ocean to wash it all off. She kind of remembered lying naked on the beach until she got thirsty, and that’s where it all started getting hazy. She remembered flashes of things, like a fur coat, a rope, a whip, and some sort of hot liquid being sprayed everywhere, but that was it.

She opened her eyes, and it was very dark, and there was something heavy and furry across her chest. When she tried to shift it, she heard a slightly feminine voice groan, "Again? That'll be six times since midnight, and my udders are sore. You monkeys are animals, aren't you? Let me sleep a little longer, my little monkey, and I'll give you my milk again."

Then the night started to come back to her: the beach, the drunk and naked minotaur woman, the party that the two of them went to, and all the things she did there to satisfy her physical lusts that Tournament had fanned. She squawked, pushing the nearly dead weight of the female minotaur off of her, and tried to get away. She tripped a couple of times over the prone bodies of aliens of various species and sexes as she ran from the room, wondering, exactly, what she did last night and who, and what, she did it with.

After an enjoyable breakfast where their waiter didn’t hit on either of them, Fry and Leela walked back to the beach so they could get to the ship. Just before they got out of the commercial district, they were tackled.

“Oh, hey Amy,” Fry said. She laid sprawled across them, a look of panic in her eyes.

“Ugh, what were you rolling in, New Jersey,” Leela asked as she shoved Amy off of them.

“I need to go NOW,” she said, looking around nervously. “Where’s the ship? Where’s my car? Where’s anything that’ll get me off this planet?”

“The ship’s in the ocean being repaired, I no idea where your car is, and no offense, but you really need a shower before anyone will go anywhere with you. What is that stench? It’s like a barnyard, Fry’s laundry, Zoidberg, and Bender’s cooking all rolled into one.”

“And you’ll probably need some clothes,” Fry added. He was, in equal parts, staring at her appreciatively, and trying not to stare at her. Where he should look was quickly solved by Leela backhanding him in the chest, knocking him onto his back.

“What happened to the ship,” she said, grabbing Leela by her shirt collar.

“Why are you naked and why do you smell like that,” Leela responded, pulling Amy’s hand off of her.

“I was kidnapped and tortured for two days after Bender robbed me after we got here. They made me eat, Leela,” she said, grabbing Leela’s shirt again and shaking her. “They made me eat!”

“I thought you liked eating? And why are you naked,” Fry asked, still not sure where to look. Again, Leela solved his problem by smacking him.

“They took my clothes, gave me the local version of Hermes’ jerk prunes to clean me out, and then made me eat for my life. I escaped by making my last opponent throw up.”

“How did you do that,” Leela asked. When Amy got a kind of skittish and guilty look on her face, Leela held up her hands and said, “Never mind. I don’t want to know. But why do you stink like that?” Looking at her, Leela saw some white liquid on her shoulder. She wiped it off with her finger and tasted it. “Is that… is that milk?”

“Yes, I think. I mean, I hope it is. I don't know,” Amy replied. “I woke up laying under something big, hairy, and female that smelled like a dairy farm. I don't want to talk about it.”

“Big, hairy, female, and smelling like a dairy farm,” Leela said evenly. “Where?”

“Back that way,” Amy said, waving her hand.

“Fry,” Leela said, “Give Amy your shirt and take her back to the ship and get her ready.” Checking her wrist-a-majigger, she continued, “I need the two of you to do some things before we leave: call Bender and Zoidberg, tell them we’re leaving; go to the hotel and pick up the Professor and our luggage; and get someone to carry Hermes back to the ship. I want to be ready to leave when I get back.”

“Why my shirt,” he asked, pulling it off and handing it over.

“And what about my car,” Amy said pulling Fry’s t-shirt on.

To Fry she said, “So you’ll stop staring at her boobs.” Turning to Amy, she continued, “You can always get your car towed back to Earth whenever it’s found.” She cracked her knuckles and started walking in the direction that Amy waved.

“Where are you going,” Amy asked.

“To deal with something. Fry, Amy, take care of those things. We may need to leave fast.”

The ship was parked on the beach with the engines in standby. Fry, sitting on the steps at the bottom of the boarding ramp, watched Leela walk toward where he had parked the ship on the beach. Her clothes were slightly disheveled, she was shaking her right hand and flexing her fingers, and it looked like she was muttering to herself.

She was just within shouting distance when the beach security officer showed up. The officer, an octopus-like creature, walked up on its tentacles. “You can’t park here, jerk,” the officer yelled. “This is a public beach. Parking’s over there. You’re making a public nuisance of yourself,” he continued, shaking rolled up two tentacles like fists under Fry’s nose, with another pair busily writing in a notebook. “Here’s your ticket,” he said slapping them into Fry’s hand. “You’ve got until I count to 5 to get this rust bucket outta here, or I’ll have it towed and scrapped. One. Two. Three. Four.”

“Five,” Leela said, punching him in his beak. Leela took the tickets and threw them down onto the officer. “You going to do anything about it, or just leak ink?” When he didn’t respond beyond moaning in pain, Leela said, “Yeah, I didn’t think so. Come on, Fry. Let’s get out of here.”

“You get done what you wanted?”

“Yep,” she said, stretching her shoulders back.

“Where’d you go, anyway?”

“Tenderized a steak. Didn’t take as long as I thought. She wasn’t as tough as she looked.”

<-- chapter 4