Last T-P-D Of The Benders
Scene Planet Express hanger bay. A lot of Bender like screams and explosion noises come from the Sub-Basement.
Fry: 'Whats going on down there?
Bender emerges from the trap door.
Bender: 'Mission accomplished!
Fry: 'You put the time code on my ass?
Bender: 'Yep I did that. Oh, and guess what.
Bender: 'Nosy-parker! Well anyway, I met all these really cool guys with treasure down in a limestone cavern. So I killed em, ever single one of them down to the last child, with a microwave gun,which I found apparently somewhere and--
Nibbler: 'No! No! Everyone out of the universe! Quick!
Nibbler eats himself and disappears.
Bender: 'Ahh, what's the worst thing, that can happen?
Everyone looks nervously around but nothing happens.
Bender: 'Well, it looks like,I fixed history.
Everyone cheers and congratulates Bender.
Farnsworth: 'Indeed, well done, indeed.
Hermes: 'Ya mom, couldn't of done it, more perfectly better then myself, and I'm a bureaucrat.
Zoidberg: 'Meh! Bureaucracy, I'm a doctor. I would of done a better job.
Hermes: 'Oh, really! So where is your medical degree then?
Zoidberg:' I lost it, in a volcano.
Hermes stares blankly at him.
Zoidberg: (covering his face with his claws) 'Aright! I admitted, I had eaten it! I was hunger, damn it!
Zoidberg cries loudly.
Amy: 'I wonder if, Nibbler will ever come back?
Zoidberg: [stops crying] 'Bah! Nibbler always gets most of the food, while I starves. Good riddances, I say!
Amy: 'Thats just....I don't know. But your mean! I hope he comes back.
Bender: 'He'll be back, just you wait.
Fry with his hands in his pockets, nervously walks over to Leela.
Fry: 'So, Leela will you g--
Fry looks downcast sad.
Fry: (quietly) 'Oh, fine, I see.
Leela: 'I'm just not ready yet, you know with La...being dead,aks another tim--
Bender: 'Get, down on the ground, now!
Bender fires his laser gun, blasts a huge hole in the hangar doors, dust,debris and chunks of metal fall on the floor. Screaming, in a panic everyone gets down on the ground.
Farnsworth: 'Oh, my!
Hermes: (shouting,pointing at Zoidberg's direction) 'That's coming outta your pay, again!
Zoidberg covers his face with his claws, surprisingly cries silently, while Bender opens his chest cabinet and takes out his mobile phone.
Bender: 'Don't, any of you move! I gotta make a quick call.
Farnsworth elbows Hermes.
Farnsworth: (whispering) 'Whats, going on?
Hermes: (whispering) 'I think Bender is going to ring someone.
Farnsworth: (whispering) 'No, I mean in general.
Hermes: (whispering) 'Um, we're being held hostage?
Farnsworth: (whispering) 'Oh, right. That explains a lot.
Bender dials a number and puts his mobile phone to where is right ear should be if he was human.
Bender: 'Hey, Roberto...What?,,,,Your in the middle of having sex?!...Your wife?...Your married?!---Um yeah, anyway the reason why I called was is because, I need some help in subduing hostages...What you're not interested?---Ah, come on I'll share some of my treasure with you.......Hello?..Are you there?
Roberto rushes, eyes spinning around in circles head moving side to side his stabbing knife in his hand, followed closely behind by a Robot 1-X .
Scene Planet Express Lounge. Roberto has everyone except Bender and Robot 1-X tied up in the middle of the room.
Bender: 'Robot 1-X!
Robot 1-X: 'Yes?
Bender: 'Start, stuffing the treasure into the truck and be careful with the stuff. For, oh your god's sake!
Robot 1-X flies back and forth with historical treasures,going outside putting them into the truck with no description to what it looks like. Bender lies himself down on couch, turns on the TV and starts watching robot-porn,lights himself up a cigar, using his middle finger as lighter,opens his chest cabinet and takes out two sixpacks of beer bottles.
Bender: 'And you Roberto, you do whatever you want.
Roberto: 'How about we play a game of duck and goose?
The hostages make muffled screams because of the duct tape on their mouths.
Roberto: 'Yes? Ok! But in this game though, if you're goose, I stab you, and you die!
The hostages make muffled screams, while Roberto walks around them tapping them on the shoulders.
Roberto: 'Duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck, duck....[stops and taps on Fry's shoulder] Goose!
Fry sweating looking up at Roberto in fear, makeing muffled screams.
Roberto: 'Ah, I'm doing you a favor. You living fossil, that should of died a thousand years ago!
Making muffled screams struggles to get free Leela manges to bite through the duct tape on her mouth.
Leela: 'Lars...Fry! Noooo!
Roberto: 'Haah-haah! Just for that, I'll kill you, one eyed filthy sewer mutant, inferior-right, freak of nature, scum of existence!
Roberto walks over and puts his knife a inch way from Leela's throat.
Leela: (crying) 'Fry, I lov--
Enter Robot 1-X.
Robot 1-X: 'Orders,completed.
Bender turns off the TV using the remote and gets up off the couch.
Bender: 'Alright, Roberto time to go!
Roberto opens his chest cabinet and puts his knife way inside.
Roberto: 'You got lucky this time. Don't tell nobody I didn't kill you!
Bender,Roberto and Robot 1-X leave.
Leela: 'Oh thank God! Are you Ok, Fry?
Fry nods. Then Nibbler appears on the couch looking confused, scratching his head.
Nibbler: 'Hm, this is most ironic and unexplainable. Somehow the space-time continuum, doesn't care in the slightest, of Bender systematically killing all his time-paradox duplicate selfs. Perhaps it is possible, nay, probable, we are nothing more but the fabric of my or someone else's imagination? Like a animated cartoon, or a fan fiction writer.
Leela: 'What you just said there, is just, utter complete nonsense!
Nibbler: 'Or is it, just, utter complete nonsense?
Leela: 'Yes it is! Just, please untie us now.
Nibbler: 'I'm on it.
Nibbler jumps down off the couch, walks over to the hostages and starts untying them.
Meanwhile in the Planet Express hanger bay. The trap door opens a few inches,Bender sticks his head out, looks side to side nervously before fully emerging out of the Sub-Basement.
Bender: 'Thank, oh your god, he's gone.
Bender sh**s a brick, from sees Scruffy mopping the floor with a 20century style mop.
Bender: 'I've never seen you before?
Scruffy: 'I'm Scruffy, the janitor and you should remember that, plus--
Scruffy's sentence was cut short, from Bender throwing a brick at him, hitting him in the forehead, his eyes roll out of focus.
Scruffy: (In pain) 'Oh, marmalade, the appallingly ironic pain!
Bender: 'It's not ironic, it's just coincidental. Now fall over!
He falls backward onto the floor.
Bender: 'Well, that was fun. I'm going to watch some TV and later I'll do some work on my next Calculon fan fiction, for the Calculon Madhouse website.
Bender walks off whistling Sweet Georgia Brown, leaving unconscious Scruffy lying on the floor.
Scene Planet Express Lounge. Everyone is untied now, they gasp when they see Bender, who walks in and sits himself down on the couch.
Bender: 'Ah, nothing better then...then...then....What?!
Bender notices everyone looking at him.
Bender: 'What are you all staring at?
Nibbler (Shouting): 'Kill him! He's a time paradox duplicate.
Everyone advance towards Bender,,Zoidberg roars and clacks his claws at him. Bender moves his hands forward in exasperation several times.
Bender: 'Whoa, Whoa, Whoa! Hold your rotors and your exhaust fans. C'mon! Let me explain myself!
Everyone stops in their tracks.
Bender: 'I'm not a T-P-D! I'm the original Bender.
Zoidberg: 'What does T-P-D stand for?
Bender: 'Time paradox duplicate.
Nibbler: 'That said. Can you prove it?
Bender opens his chest cabinet,takes out something that resembles "The What-If machine" only a lot smaller. Leela sighs.
Leela: 'You're not just gonna ask it, a what if question, so you can get us all preoccupied watching the what if scenario,while you make your escape, by sneaking off?
Bender: 'Nooo! This is a "What-Now machine" not a "What-If machine"
Note: 'original idea from Andy Robertson's fan fiction Crash Course in Love "The What-Now Machine" invention, plus this story has nothing to do with, Crash Course in Love.
Farnsworth: 'I remember inventing that, but I forgot it, in another invention.
Leela: 'Care to explain, how exactly it works, Bender?
Bender: 'No! But I will use it to save my life, by showing you meatbags, what my time paradox duplicate, is up to.
Bender switches on the "What-Now Machine" by giving it a bang with his hand ,it asks him to type in a name.
Bender enters, Time Paradox Duplicate_Bender Bending Rodriguez.
What-Now Machine Scene. A red rusty looking 20century style tailor-truck, attached in the in front there is a bulldozer bucket,it drives 120 miles per'hour down on a country road between two forests. Inside the driver compartment there is Time Paradox Duplicate Bender, who sits next to Roberto at the steering wheel.
T-P-D Bender: 'Where did you get this?!
Roberto: 'I found in the dump. I fixed it, and did a few modifications!
Roberto beeps the horn, it sounds like a ice cream van.
T-P-D Bender: 'We really easily got through,New New York City traffic. Didn't we?
Roberto: 'We sure did, with this bulldozer blade I installed.
Roberto beeps the horn continuously because there is a slow moving blue "Jaguar Car" ahead on the road. The car fails to get out of the way because the guy in the car only thinks there is a ice cream van behind him, when in fact there is a truck with a bulldozer bucket, driven by psychopathic quite possible schizophrenic robot named Roberto.
Roberto: 'Heh-heh! Get out of the way!
Roberto rams the car,lifts up the bulldozer bucket,launches the car into the air behind,out of his way. Roberto sticks his out head the window and looks behind him shouting.
Roberto: (Shouting) 'Haah, haah! Don't tell nobody, if I killed you!
Roberto sticks his head back inside and looks at a nervous Bender.
Roberto: 'My robo sense is tingling.
T-P-D Bender: 'What?
Roberto open his chest cabinet, takes out a microwave pistil and shoots Bender, and he sparks and falls into pieces.
Roberto: 'Don't tell nobody[His eyes spin around in circles and his head moves side to side while he makes mumbling sounds] I killed you! Time paradox duplicate.
The trunk drives over the horizon, while Roberto beeps the ice cream van sounding horn.
End What-Now Machine Scene.
Back to the now in the Planet Express Lounge. Everyone has their jaws dropped speechless.
Nibbler: 'Well, that puts things in order. I guess. Oh and one more question.
Nibbler: 'How did you survive down there?
Bender: 'Well, when my T-P-D started shooting everyone with the microwave gun, I lay myself down on the floor and played dead until I was sure he was gone.
A few days later.
Scene Planet Express Accusing Parlour. Leela sits on a armchair, reading a book called "How to be less of a bitch, written by a man".
Leela: 'Oh, so thats why Fry never said he loved me, he was too nervous. Damn them! "How to be less of a bitch, written by a woman" they have absolutely no idea what there talking about, and that goes for magazines too!
Enter Fry with his hands in his pockets, who walks nervously towards Leela.
Fry: 'Le,um, le, um,le, Leela.
Leela gasps and throws the book aside onto the floor.
Leela: (softy) 'Yes, Fry?
Fry: 'Will you go out with me?
Fry: (quietly) 'Oh, I'm sorry, I just thought you would be over La--
Leela: 'Why didn't you aks me days ago! Like when Roberto was going to kill you.
Fry: 'I um,I uh. How about we go fishing?
Leela: (hopefully 'Like a date?
Fry: 'Un, yeah.
Scene outside Planet Express. It is a beautiful sunny spring day. There is a huge hole in hangar doors, The Planet Express Ship takes off through them and heads out to sea.
Scene The exact center of the Atlantic Ocean. The Planet Express Ship lands on the water. The cargo bay lift comes down with Fry and Leela standing on it wearing their usual cloths.
Fry: 'Remember when we were here last time, Leela?"
Leela: 'Yes, but didn't you sleep with that mermaid?"
Fry: 'I did almost.
Leela: 'So why didn't you?
Fry: 'Uh well, she had a fishy thing at the bottom, and she said I'm not your first am I, I mean, I lay my eggs and leave and you release your fertilizer.
Leela bursts into laughter.
Leela: (laughing) 'Oh, Fry so that was the trouble in bed.
Fry: 'Yes it was! Can we get our stuff ready now?
Leela: (laughing) 'Oh ,alright.
Scene Planet Express Ship Roof. The gun turret opens and Fry comes out with a small green box of fishing equipment and in the other hand a fishing rod.
Fry: 'Come on,Leela!
Leela emerges with a harpoon over her shoulder.
Leela: 'Right, let's get fishing.
Fry: 'Holy,mackerel, I think, I got a mackerel.
As Fry reels it in, it submerges and indeed it turns out to be a mackerel.
Fry: 'Holy,mackerel! I got a mackerel.
Leela: 'Fry stop, that is really annoying. You know sometime I don't even know why I had agreed on going this cheap crummy date with you?
Fry droops his fishing rod into the water and his fish with it.
Leela: 'And anther thing your so immature and...And...And...Fry?
Leela notices, Fry looking downcast sad and tears falling from his eyes.
Leela: 'Oh, Fry!
She runs towards Fry.
Fry: (crying) 'Leela I'm sor...Hmm?!
Leela puts her hand to the back of his head, and gently moves it, to rest it against her chest.
She rocks him back and forth.
Leela: (softy) 'Everything is fine....Fry....You did it!.... You finally have me....No more rejections. Please stop crying.
Fry does not stop crying but Leela gets evermore affect towards him, by kissing him on the top of his head repeatedly.
Leela: 'Fry.....If you stop crying.....We can do something really ....Impulsive together.
Fry looks up at Leela.
Fry: 'Like what?
Leela presses and rubs her body against Fry,with both of arms around him, she starts squeezing him hard.
Leela: (very softy) 'I love you, Fry.
Fry: (in pain) 'Ow!
Leela lessens her hold on Fry a small bit so not to hurt him.
Leela: (softy) 'Sorry.
Fry: 'Its okay. It was very ti--
Leela: (softy) 'So,you wanna...come into my cabin?
Leela 'Yes. But are you sure, you don't wanna cry some-more? I mean look at your eyes?
Fry: (tears felling his booldshot eyes) 'Yea.
Leela puts her hand to the back of his head, and gently moves it, to rest it against her chest where Fry cries some-more.
Fry: (crying) 'I love you, Leela. Please don't dump me.
Leela: 'Fry, there is nothing to worry about me dumping you. Now shh,shh, let it all out.
Leela kisses Fry's forehead and hugs him while he continues to cry into her chest.
Scene Leela's cabin. Fry and Leela relax in bed, Leela rests her head on Fry's shoulder and has her hair down loose to her shoulders. A blanket covers them and their cloths is scattered all over the room.
Leela: 'I was fool. A truly pure fully-justified, prudent fool, to wait so long.
Fry: (defensively) 'No you were not, Leela.
Leela: 'Fry, please.
Fry:'Ok. You know, I love you Leela. Right?
Fry: 'So if ,I aks you to marry me, will you say yes?
Leela pulls Fry towards her and kisses him on the lips.
Leela: 'I will, aks soon.
Leela leans over and turns a lamp light off leaving the room in darkness.
Leela: (sexfully) 'Fry, ready for round two?
Fry: 'Yes, I am!
End What-Know Machine scenario.
Nibbler (voice over) 'And that's what happened in this parallel universe. It is now 3040, Fry and Leela are happily married and have three kids, who had kids of their own too and also we birded off the Brain Spawn, when they returned, by giving them a What-Know Machine.
Scruffy: 'Well you all forget about poor old Scruffy. Didn't yea?! Well guess who had to clean up all them dead Benders? Me that's who! Good Night, good morning, or whatever time you're reading this.