Professor Hubert Farnsworth sat there in the audience looking as dejected as a man can be. Another year had passed by, and he had no Venture science medal to show for it. He had worked hard on his latest invention, a laser-operated dog polisher, but it barely got a notice. As if things couldn’t get rough enough, Dr. Wernstrom strolled by to take a parting shot at him.
“Why don’t you just give it up? If you live to be 200, which is highly unlikely, you’ll never get a Venture medal.”
Maybe Wernstrom was right…maybe he was just wasting his time.
"Hey, Doc," Brock Sampson asked as he lit up a cigarette, "what's this crazy thing of yours do anyway? It looks like a giant silver beer can."
"It's supposed to open up a door," responded Rusty Venture as he looked up from a control panel. He gave an affectionate pat to the large silver chamber he’d designed.
"Door to where?" asked Brock.
"I dunno...I'll let the military figure that one out. All I care is if it makes me some money; they weren't interested in those atomic cockroach bombs I designed...I got soaked on those things."
"Playing around with the very forces of nature again?"
Startled, Venture looked up from his panel. "Orpheus - don't you ever knock?"
"I'll have you know, sir, that I was taking a shower and got nothing but ice cold water...I nearly froze to death as I attempted to cleanse myself. I insist that you reduce my rent for this month." Orpheus was dressed in a robe and pajamas, and still sported a plastic shower cap.
"Fine...I'm sorry you nearly froze your kehonies off...now, can I finish my experiment?"
"Proceed, but keep in mind that you are meddling with the very workings of the cosmos."
Venture flipped a switch and the chamber seemed to come to life. A loud buzzing sound came out of it, and vapor began to drift around the outside of the chamber.
"Doc," said Brock, "your toy is beginning to do something...what's gonna happen?"
"It's probably draining the entire Venture compound of all hot water," spat Orpheus.
"Quiet, you." Venture pressed some more buttons on his panel. "Just sit back and watch the Doctor operate." He pressed a final button.
The butcher was used to seeing his only one-eyed customer come in to the shop, typically on a Thursday afternoon. "Hows is ya doin', ma'am? Let me guess...one ham hock."
"I guess you're used to me getting the same thing," replied Leela.
"You sures have a taste for ham..."
"Oh, it's not for me - it's for my pet, Nibbler."
"Your pet? Boy, lady...your dog sure has expensive taste." The butcher continued to wrap up the large piece of ham. "Not that I'm complainin'...you’s a good customer here."
Leela paid for her ham hock.
"See ya next Thursday..."
Leela left the store with Nibbler's prized treat. The butcher just stared. "She keeps feedin' that pet ham, and I cans retire early."
Leela had no sooner made it out to the sidewalk when she noticed something strange. The pavement looked like it had a hole in it. Curious, she picked up an aluminum can nearby and tossed it in - sure enough, it fell into the hole. "Good Lord," she said, “I hope the Professor hasn't been at his experiments again."
As she got ready to walk away, she noticed the hole getting bigger. She tried to back away, but the hole increased in size so fast that she lost her balance on the pavement. She quickly found herself in a huge sinkhole, and she tried desperately to grab onto the sides of it. As she went down into the hole, she shouted for help. Leela disappeared into the pavement, and the hole sealed up. A woman nearby heard the shout, but turned to see just a ham hock lying next to the sidewalk. Leela was gone.
"Doc, there's a ton of smoke comin' out of your machine," said Brock. "Are you prepared for what's gonna come out of that thing once the door opens?"
"Brock, you're the security expert...you tell me..." Venture pressed several more buttons.
"Venture," Orpheus added, "you are a fiend, my friend. You have opened up a door to the gates of hell itself. Who knows what you've let into our world."
The three sat in silence as the large mechanical door slowly opened. Out of the bright green glow and smoke a tall woman with purple hair and dark gray boots stepped out. The three gasped as they spotted her singular eye. She walked up to each of them, and gave the men an angry look. "I don't know who in the hell you guys are, but someone here owes me a ham hock!"
Fry looked in the fridge for his beloved can of Slurm. "Hey Bender," he asked, "where is Leela?"
"Aw, you know every payday that she gets a ham for that rat of hers." Nibbler glanced over at him. "Yeah, you know who I'm talkin' about."
A frightened Dr. Venture was hoisted into the air by his collar by the angry Leela. He turned to Brock Samson. "Brock, a giant cyclops woman is going to step on my neck...a little help please?"
"Look, lady...I can't let you hurt him. He pays me, sort of, to be his bodyguard.”
"Stand back," Orpheus said, "while I attempt to send this evil cyclops woman back to Tartarus from whence she came." As Orpheus positioned his hands, Leela turned to him and dropped Venture to the floor.
"What in the world are you supposed to be? You look like a bad Dracula impersonator with a shower cap. Who are you creeps anyway? You idiots better get me back home before I start some beatings!"
No sooner had the words left her mouth when a klaxon horn went off. Brock jogged over to a nearby computer panel and started hitting the keys. "Oh, holy crap," he said. "We've got a level one breach of the compound; sappers in the wire. Doc, round up the boys and head to the safety room. Orpheus, you get back to your apartment." He turned to Leela. "Lady, it looks like you've got some combat skills...come with me."
"Oh, Lord," groaned Leela as she went running down the hallway with Brock.
When Brock and Leela turned the corner at the end of the hallway, they were confronted by a sea of yellow and black uniforms. Brock turned to Leela. "You might want to sit this one out, lady...this could get ugly really quick."
Rather than seek safety, Turanga Leela leapt into brawl like a savage lioness. With her signature battle cry, she let loose with a series of kicks and karate punches. While Leela battled on, Brock Samson was busy with his own one-man war against the evil henchmen of the Monarch. When it was done, what remained was a large yellow pile with broken butterfly wings and damaged eyeglasses all over it. Arms and legs jutted out of the pile, occasionally writhing around like helpless fish dropped onto a dock to die. Moans of the wounded drifted out of the pile; one henchman called out for his mother. Leela dusted off her hands.
"Wow...those were some wicked fighting skills lady....the O.S.I could use your talents. Where did you learn to fight like that?"
"Arcturus," said Leela.
"Is that near Romulus, Michigan?" asked Brock.
Deep within the pile of henchman, one of the men attempted to make contact with the cocoon. The jubilant face of the Monarch filled his wrist viewscreen. "Tell me the words I want to hear," chortled Monarch. He then looked closer into the screen. "Why is it so dark there...it looks like a sweat lodge. You guys didn't get the crap kicked out of yourselves again, did you?"
"Attacked *cough* many casualties...Henchmen 21 and 24 are missing. Venture has a secret weapon...cyclops fighting woman...*cough* don't think I can continue mission...fear my throat bone is broken..."
Monarch turned to Dr. G. "Honey, is there such a thing as a throat bone?"
"Technically, no...it's a part of the spinal column, but I don't think it's called a throat bone."
"Oh," responded Monarch.
"I see you made it through the battle with Homer's girlfriend," said Venture as he left the safety room.
Hank and Dean caught sight of Leela for the first time, and shrank back in terror. "A space monster!" Dean began to shout. "A space monster!"
"Like you've never seen a mutant before," said Leela.
"You'll have to forgive my boys," said Venture, "they don't get out much."
"Obviously." Leela couldn't help but taunt the boys. She crept in closer and made a weird space noise through her lips as she twiddled her fingers. "You know that I can turn you two into stone with my eye." The boys were riveted to the wall with fright.
"Great," Venture said, "now they won't get a bit of sleep tonight, thanks to you."
"You might want to cut her some slack," responded Brock. "She sliced and diced an entire platoon of Monarch's elite guard troops. She learned to fight near Detroit - I figure she could whip just about anyone's ass if she put her mind to it."
"You know," said Leela, “I've had lots of fun today...got sucked into a black hole in the sidewalk...had to whip the hell out of a street gang dressed in yellow tights...really, lots of fun. Now, could someone call me an air-rickshaw so I could get home to New New York?"
Venture gave her a surprised look. "Do you have a speech impediment, or is that what you grunge kids call New York nowadays?"
Leela chuckled. "New York...how cute! They used to call it that in those old films they used to show us in history." The smile quickly melted off of Leela's face; she glanced around the room in horror. "What year is this?"
"Did you just ask what year this was? It's 2012, of course - how could you not know that?"
Her eye got huge. "Oh, my God...I lost a thousand years somewhere."
Henchman 21 and 24 crept into the lab where the transport booth was. They looked on in wonder at the silver chamber. "24, we are going to earn our wings with this one."
Henchman 24 cringed back in fear. "I don't know if I would get into that thing...I saw Jeff Goldblum in the 1986 version of 'The Fly,' and we saw what happened to him. I'm still talking to my therapist about that movie."
"You wuss...this is our big chance. I'm not doing this alone. Let's get moving." The two henchmen walked up to the open door and stepped inside. The door closed behind them, and then opened again. The two henchmen were gone.
Leela and the others came back into the lab and Venture went back to work tapping away at the buttons on the machine's panel. Venture suddenly felt Leela touching his bald head with her fingers. He looked up at her fingers. “Uh…what are you doing?”
"You guys mean to tell me that you haven't even invented insta-grow hair yet?"
Leela's sentence was cut off as the booth came back to life and the door slammed shut. Even Venture was surprised at this. "Oh, crud," he whispered.
The door suddenly opened again. More white vapor rolled out, and two more figures walked out of the booth. The first was a guy with a red jacket and fire red hair, and the other was a young Chinese girl wearing a pink sweatsuit. They looked around in confusion. Fry looked over at Leela. "Hey," he asked her, "what just happened to us?"
Leela stretched her arms out in a mock gesture. "Welcome to the world...of the past!"
The two henchmen wandered aimlessly around the streets of New New York, gazing at the people with their futuristic outfits and watching in wonder as air cars zipped overhead.
"Do you realize what happened to us, 24? We just travelled through space and time!"
"How do you figure time?"
"Look at all this stuff...it's just like Star Wars!"
Henchman 24 got a confused look on his face. "Which one?"
"Which one? Do you see anything here that looks like Tatooine to you? Do you see any Bantha foodoo lying around? Episodes one through three...it's just like Coruscant!"
"Wow," said 24.
Henchman 21 grabbed his buddy by the arm. "Am I dreaming, or are those two cops hitting that man with a lightsaber? We gotta talk to these guys..."
"We're in the 21st century?" asked Amy in a panic. "No molecular showers...no genetically-enhanced men...I feel like I'm in the dark ages already. And no orgasmatron...I'm gonna die here!"
"Hey," Venture chimed in with a toothy grin, "I'm a mad scientist...I could be genetically-enhanced - give me a chance."
Amy shot him back a mean look. "If this is an example of a 21st century man, we really are doomed." She then turned and looked up at Brock and smiled. "Now this guy...I might get to know you a little better."
"How come all you mad scientist types are total dorks?" asked Leela.
"What, do you know more of them?" asked Venture.
"Yeah...our egg-head boss."
"Does he make money?" asked Venture.
Venture frowned and went back to work at his panel.
"2012," Fry said in wonder, "I'll bet gas is still $1.25 a gallon."
"Hardly," said Brock. "Hey, how are we gonna get these people back home?"
"Back home?" asked Venture. "Who said anything about getting them back home? I've just blown away everything my father ever achieved. I'll be rich with these guys...we'll just put them into cages like animals and show them off."
Amy angrily confronted Dr. Venture. "My daddy could buy and sell you!"
"For your information, you're daddy isn't even born yet, Miss Smarty Pants. By the way, who will your daddy be anyway?"
"Leo Wong," she spat.
Venture got a funny look on his face, and then smiled. "You wouldn't be related to billionaire Genghis Wong, would you?"
"He's in my family tree, yes..."
Venture glanced over to Brock. "Okay, cancel the animal cages." he looked back at Amy. "Young lady, if you could help me get my foot in the door with yer old uncle Genghis, you can have anything you want. I've got a business deal I want to work with him."
"As long as you can get us back home, I don't see why not. Anything...anything I want?"
With a smile, Amy placed her finger on Brock's chest. "I want him."
Brock Samson rolled his eyes. "Brock, you might have to take one for the team," Venture told him. Brock shook his head and chuckled.
"I'm gonna enjoy you," said Amy.
"Can I go outside?" asked Fry.
"Sure, you're not a prisoner," answered Venture. "Take the boys out for some air while you're at it." Fry and the two boys left the lab building. “What's up with future boy there?"
"He's not from the future," said Leela, "he was frozen in 1999. This is really his time."
"Hot dog," exclaimed Venture, "futuristic cyclopes, cryogenic freezing, Genghis Wong...I'm going to be rich! What a great day for science!"
“Why did that policeman attack us?” asked Henchman 21 as he rubbed his sore skull. “And what did he mean by a Freedom Day costume?”
As they stepped out of the lab building, Fry and the boys spotted a young girl in Goth clothing walking up toward them. Dean got a stressful look on his face.
“Oh my,” Dean said, “it’s her.”
“Her who?” asked Fry.
“Dean’s hottie, Triana,” said Hank. “Retard here can’t get the courage to speak with her lately.”
Fry put his hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Forget the goofy stuff, and listen to me. Why don’t you just tell her that you are going to Starbugs Coffee, and ask her if she wants anything.”
Mustering up what courage he could find, Dean did just what Fry told him to do.
Triana chuckled at him. “Are you serious? Well,” she told him, “if you’re going, I could use a chai tea.”
Hank just stood there and looked on in disbelief. “I can’t believe that…you didn’t even screw it up.”
“When you bring back the tea,” Fry added, “just talk with her about some things she’s interested in. Now, if only it worked that well in my own life…”
Amy strolled back into the lab with a dark blue Cantonese party dress and expensive shoes. “Miss Wong,” Venture said, “you look ravishing in that dress. Let’s get ready to meet your long lost relative in the Far East.”
“Just a second, baldy… Leela and I have a few demands.”
Venture curled up his face. “Demands? Okay…extort away. I already know you want a night in a honeymoon suite with my bodyguard. Go on…”
Leela stepped forward to speak. “I want a Venture science medal for my boss.”
“What? One of those things? I’ve got hundreds of those in a box. I can present him one in person…go on.”
“And I want a ham hock for my pet Nibbler.”
“There you go with that ham fetish again…you girls help me pull off this business deal, and I’ll throw in a whole meat locker for your pet.”
“24…are you seeing what I’m seeing?”
“Dude, this is so sweet!” said 24. “A real live droid!”
The two henchmen went up to Bender to have a word with him on the street. “Do I know you meatsacks? Do I owe you money? You guys late for a costume party?”
“This is so cool,” blathered 21. “Say something for us in Bocce.”
“Bocce?” asked Bender.
“Were you sold by Jawas?” asked Henchman 24.
“What the hell is a Jawa?”
“Tell us,” asked 21, “do you carry any messages from a princess in distress?”
Bender looked both ways on the street. “Boys, I got a little somethin’ to show you.” He opened his door, and the faint, flickering image of a woman appeared. “I got this film of a woman…a princess she ain’t, but she looks like she could be in some distress.” As the two henchmen watched the porno film on the inside of Bender’s door, two metal hands discreetly moved around to take their wallets. Bender let loose with that evil chuckle…
On the tarmac the girls waited near the hangar. Leela's eye got huge as the X-1 finally pulled up.
"Look at this," she said, "it's an old aeroplane! How cute is this! An antique!"
"Aeroplane?" asked Venture. "You sound like Amelia Earhart. Where did you find that word?"
Amy didn't share Leela's enthusiasm. "There is no way you are going to get me into that death trap! Errrghhh! Someone get me out of this medieval time zone!"
Fry felt funny at first about the air-bike, mainly because it had a girl’s basket on the front, but it was similar to Leela’s air-scooter. The three zoomed on down the road toward Colorado Springs, and Fry couldn’t help but admire the mountain scenery.
“Is there a place that I can buy a postcard?” asked Fry.
“Sure,” said Hank, “just up the road. Why?”
“I want to let my folks know that I’m doing fine.”
“Why not let Pops just fly you to New York in the X-1?” asked Dean.
“It’s been over 12 years…I couldn’t do that to them. I just want to let them know somehow that I’m alive and well.” He looked sad as he spoke.
“There’s a U-totem store up here on the left,” said Hank.
The three coasted into the parking lot of the convenient store, and Fry bought a post card. After he wrote a note on it, they then went over to a nearby post office to mail it.
“Dude,” asked Hank, “I’ve just got to know one thing…if you’re from 1999, why don’t you just stay here with us?”
“But my life is back in the future with Leela.”
“Leela? The space monster?” asked Dean.
“She’s not a space monster…she was just jerking your chain. She happens to be the one I’m in love with now…although she doesn’t always realize it.”
Dean got a dreamy look on his face. “I know what you mean…I feel much the same about Triana…my Triana. Let’s head over to Starbugs next…”
Rusty Venture sat nervously in back of Brock on the X-1. “Brock, I still feel a little nervous with Miss One-eye flying us half-way around the world.”
“She’s actually doin’ pretty good, Doc…what do you think of the X-1, Leela?”
“Pretty nice, I guess. The controls are a bit mushy, and it’s really primitive.”
“Primitive?” asked Venture. “We’re ahead of the aerospace industry by at least three years.”
“If I can’t point this thing up and take it to Saturn,” she added, “it’s primitive.”
“Remind me to leave myself a memo for Monday,” said Venture.
While Leela flew on, Amy was busy rummaging through the galley section in back of the cockpit. “Don’t you savages have any Soylent Chips? There isn’t even any Slurm Light back here – I don’t know if I’m going to survive this time period.”
Meanwhile, back in New New York, the two lost henchmen walked along in a blue funk. “I can’t believe that a droid robbed us,” said 24, “isn’t there an Asimov robotics law against that?”
“That’s only about harming a human; robbing one isn’t covered under that set of laws. It is what it is, my friend; droids are crooked in this time and place.”
The two finally walked up to a large gray suicide booth and read the instructions on the side. Henchman 24 looked at his friend. “Has it really come to this?”
“24, it is like the Bushido tells us; life is very sweet, but then it’s gone. This might be the last thing we do as henchmen. We’re lost in the future without a way home, we have no money...we have nothing except this metal thing we stole from the travel chamber. On top of that, we’re doomed to walk around dressed in these suits for the rest of our lives…”
“But this?” asked 24. “But we survived so much stuff…we’re invincible, remember?”
“We are modern day samurai, and we might as well man-up and get it over with. Give us a quarter.”
“What…why does it have to be my quarter? I’m always driving us around in my car, using my gas…don’t you have any change?”
“Just give me the quarter…”
The two bravely squeezed into the booth.
“You could lose some weight,” complained 24.
“We’re going to kill ourselves, and you have to give me one more fat joke?”
As Leela began her descent into the Hong Kong area, she got curious about a series of buttons on the panel. She touched one of the buttons and a sound system came to life with a Led Zeppelin song. The notes of a synthesizer began wafting out of the speakers.
"Yours is the cloth, mine is the hand that sews timehis is the force that lies withinOurs is the fire, all the warmth we can findHe is a feather in the wind"
Brock quickly silenced the sound system. Leela gave him a funny look. "Did I do something wrong?" she asked.
"Sorry...there was a memory attached to that. Too much pain behind it. You wouldn't have known." Brock looked at her singular eye, and then looked back down at the panel. "You are a good pilot."
"Look, uh...you don't suppose that we could fight together again someday..."
Leela looked over and smiled. "I don't see why not...maybe someday..."
The door to the suicide booth opened, and a confused pair of henchmen climbed out. "What did it mean when it told us we had invalid currency?" asked 24.
"I don't know...let's ask that guy over there if he can spare us a quarter."
They pestered the man for change. "Those outfits are hilarious," the man told them. "If that's not worth a quarter, I don't know what is." He gave them a quarter, and they returned to the booth with new resolve. 21 looked down at the quarter and got a surprised look on his face.
"President Harrison Ford? President? I almost hate to spend this thing. We'll, let's get this done."
"Isn't there something else we can do?" asked 24.
"I'm not having this argument with you again."
"I just don't know if I want to go through with this, 21... We’re always supposed to survive."
After the X-1 touched down in Kowloon, the group finally got the chance to meet the famous Genghis Wong. He was a stocky man, well dressed and very cultured. He immediately took a liking to Amy, who spoke fluent Cantonese with him. "I like you," he told her, "you're not like those stuffy types in Beijing. I could tell immediately that you were from Hong Kong. I really wonder if the two of us are related in some way."
“There’s always a chance of that,” replied Amy. “I can’t wait to tell Daddy about you.”
After drinks and a dinner, Venture got to make his sales pitch to Genghis. "Venture," he told him, "why didn't you tell me about these cockroach bombs sooner? I'll take an order of two thousand, as soon as you can get them to me."
"Hey, Pops is back in the X-1," said Dean. The sleek craft taxied up to the hangar where the boys and Fry were waiting. A happy Venture strolled down the ramp.
"Pops," asked Hank, "how did you do?"
"Boys, we killed 'em in Kowloon...we chopped 'em down in China...we hacked 'em down in Hong Kong; cockroach bombs are going to be rolling out of Venture Industries, thanks in big part to our friend Amy here. Maybe I'll finally be able to start paying off some of these bills."
Venture took the bunch of them back to the lab. He began punching away at his panel again, and then got a concerned look on his face. "Boys," he asked, "has anyone been traveling in this thing while I was gone?"
"No one's been near it, as far as we know," said Hank.
"It says here that two people went through this thing besides Fry and Amy. Brock, were your buddies 21 and 24 part of the walking wounded that left here the other day?"
"No, as a matter of fact they weren't in the pile I hauled out of here; I brought out three wheelbarrows full of them and dropped them off in the woods. Only a couple of them were able to walk out on their own power."
"Crud...had a feeling that they'd gotten in here somehow. Anyway, let's get this bunch back home to the future where they belong."
"You are going to get me my ham?" asked Leela.
"Yes, I'll get you your ham."
It was early evening on the streets of New New York. No one noticed as a circular opening appeared about seven feet above the sidewalk. One by one four bodies dropped onto the pavement; Rusty Venture found himself at the bottom of the pile.
"My God people...how much do you guys weigh?"
Brock looked up at Amy, who was sitting on his chest. “You okay, little lady?”
"I liked landing on you, man-mountain..." said Amy smiling, as she ran her finger along his rib cage."I'm all safe and sound, thanks to you."
"I hate to break up this little romantic moment," Venture yelled, "but you people are crushing the crap out of me!"
"Sorry, Doc," said Venture as the bunch of them stood up.
Amy looked back up at Brock. "Remember...I was told that I could ask for anything."
Brock calmly lit a cigarette. "I hate to break bad news to you, but another woman has my heart."
Amy gave an exaggerated pout.
"What is it with her?" asked Venture.
"It's an Amy thing...you just have to know her," responded Leela.
"Oh, brother." He turned to Brock. “The henchmen took something from inside my machine…”
“Is it important?” Brock asked.
“If we don’t get it back, we’d better get used to zipping around the 30th century on rocket packs. We’ll never get back home.”
Professor Farnsworth came running out of the Planet Express building with an old shotgun in his hands. "What in the hell is going on out here? It's not even X-mas yet...do I have to put on the house shields?"
"Professor," said Leela, "I've got someone here I'd like you to meet."
Professor Farnsworth watched as the cockroach left the open matchbox and scurried into a far corner of the lab. It promptly exploded with a sound like a loud firecracker, and a small mushroom cloud rose above the floor. All that was left of the poor insect was a round burn mark on the tile. The Professor clapped his hands with delight like a happy child.
"Egad! Nuclear, you say? What's the yield?" asked Farnsworth.
"Approximately half a microton. Very clean...low radiation," answered Venture.
"I tried this same thing, but the centipedes I used didn't make good test subjects."
"Yeah," said Amy, "it was really scary around here for about a week; you had to be careful where you stepped, or you might have lost a foot."
"Absolutely brilliant," said Leela, "the perfect weapon, if your target happens to be standing in a pile of rotting garbage."
"Professor," Venture told him, "I'm actually in a bit of a pickle right now. We had two others go through my machine, and they took a part from inside. It's kind of an important part - it's a return module. It’s the only thing that’ll get us back home."
"Did they wear yellow outfits?" asked Farnsworth.
"Why, as a matter of fact, yes. Have you guys seen them?"
The Professor turned and gave an angry look to Bender. "My robot here not only met them, he managed to rob the both of them. He also got the keys to a Nissan Stanza, whatever that is."
"Hey," protested Bender, "they were easy marks...what else was I supposed to do?"
"I've got to rein these two knuckleheads in, and I've got an idea of how to do it. Do you by chance have a hologram projector that can be seen for great distances?"
"Practically city wide...why?" asked Farnsworth.
“I’ve got an idea. Amy, do you have a white dress?”
Amy stood in the lab looking like Princess Leia from Star Wars, complete with the hairdo and her white dress. Bender sat on his knees in front of her with a silver lampshade on his head. "This is stupid," Amy said, "this is not going to work."
Venture operated the camera. "Come on, Amy...just say the line."
“I’m gonna make you a star, Kitten,” chuckled Bender.
“Bender,” said Venture, “lose the cigar…R2D2 didn’t smoke a stogie.”
“Hey…” Leela snatched the cigar out of Bender’s mouth.
“You’ll live longer,” added Leela, “those things will give you lip cancer.”
“But I don’t have lips,” complained Bender.
Amy straightened up her hairdo and cleared her throat. "Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope,” she said. “This is so stupid...I'm not doing this."
Brock Samson began messaging her shoulders. "Would you do it for me? So I could get back home?"
Amy gushed. "Okay, Brock...I'd do it for you."
The two henchmen quit their long argument and stared up into the night sky. "24, am I really seeing this? It isn't just a pre-death thing, is it?"
"No...I'm seeing it too. Maybe it’s a vision, like in Dune."
In the sky was an enormous image of Amy, beckoning to the men with her hands. "Brave travelers," she told them, "you must follow the sound of my voice. You must bring the metal object you took from the machine for the Rebellion needs it. Come quickly! Come..."
"The vision calls us, 24...we must obey."
"Come...past the hot dog stand...past the Slurm canning plant...past the billboard sign for the lightspeed briefs...come..."
The two mesmerized henchmen began to walk in the direction of the hologram like obedient zombies.
Amy stood in the doorway of the Planet Express building, waiting for the henchmen.
“Here they come! Come right this way, brave knights!”
“Aren’t you taking this acting job a bit far?” asked Leela. “Although you always were a princess…”
“Hush, you, they’re almost in the door.” Amy welcomed the men in. “Did you bring it?” she asked.
“What, this thing? Yeah…why do you need it so bad?” asked 21.
Amy fumbled for an answer, and Venture whispered to her from his hiding spot behind a couch. “Uh…it’s needed to help destroy…uh…the Darthstar.”
“Deathstar,” whispered Venture loudly, “the Deathstar!”
“Yeah, the Deathstar.” Amy held up the metal unit in her hand. “Boy, the force is really going to be on top of you guys today.”
“Force is with them…with them,” whispered Venture.
“Uh, I mean, with you…”
Amy passed the return module over to Venture, who was still in hiding. He examined his handiwork. “Quite a gadget, this,” he said, “I can open up a second hole and travel anywhere in this time period…theoretically.”
“Good,” said Leela. “I’ve got a place you need to go.”
“But what about Tweedledumb and Tweedledumb?” asked Venture.
“I’ve already arranged a babysitter,” responded Leela.
Dr. Zoidberg met the two henchmen in the lobby. “Gentlemen,” Zoidy said, “you will both need thorough physical exams before returning home.”
“Oh my,” gushed 21, “it’s a mon calamari! Maybe he knows Lando Calrissian!”
“Okay…I guess that’s a good thing,” said Zoidberg. “Now, have either of you had any disease of the gill covers?”
Dr. Wernstrom’s evening lectures were always boring, and this one was no different. As he wrote a huge equation on the board, his students noticed a circular opening in the ceiling of the lecture hall. Suddenly, the two professors dropped onto the tile floor. Wernstrom spun around.
“What is the meaning of all this? Farnsworth! What are you doing here?”
“I’ve come by with my new friend…I want you to meet Dr. Rusty Venture, son of Jonas Venture.”
“Rubbish! This is a parlor trick…”
Farnsworth grinned with his false teeth. “Test his DNA.”
“I will…I happen to have a tester right here in my desk.” He took the small gadget and touched Venture’s fingertip with it. His eyes got big. “I don’t believe this…he is who he says he is…”
“Now,” said Venture, “for the business that we came for. It is with great pride that I award Professor Hubert J. Farnsworth a Venture Science Medal for his many achievements, which include numerous doomsday devices, smell-o-vision, and make-up for dogs. My father Jonas would have been proud of him.” He placed the medal around Farnsworth’s neck, and the students applauded.
“Okay,” said Venture. “Now it’s time to head back to your lab.” He pressed a button on his return module, and a large hole opened up in the floor. “Nuts…I wish I could program this thing to open up a hole in the wall for once. Well, do you want to go first?”
With glee, Farnsworth hopped into the hole. Venture followed, and the hole sealed up. Wernstrom was amazed that the tile again felt normal to the touch.
“Does Nibbler like the nummy ham that the nice man brought over?” asked Leela in a child-like voice. Nibbler inhaled the ham hock in one quick gulp.
“That about wraps things up here,” said Venture. “Time to go back and make more atomic insects. I’ll send your Fry back through when I get home.”
“Not so fast,” protested Leela. “What about the two henchmen?”
“What about ‘em? They work for my arch enemy. I would just as soon strand them here.”
“They did bring your part back,” added Amy. “We should do something for them.”
Amy Wong, still dressed in her Leia outfit, presented the two henchmen with medals in the basement. Hermes actually scared up some Elgar music to make the occasion complete. He was also able to find two medals; the henchmen were oblivious to the fact that their awards came from an insurance company, and that each one boasted ‘300 new accounts’ for that year.
“We’re actually Jedi Knights now,” said Henchmen 21.
“And you were going to have us use a suicide booth,” replied 24. “I told you…we’re invincible!” With that the two gave each other a high-five.
“Good,” said Zoidberg, “what’s important is that you made new friends. Hey…I have new friends…Hooray for Zoidberg!”
Leela cornered Venture in the hallway upstairs. “Promise me that you’ll send them home; you let them live…don’t strand them here.”
“Okay, I promise. As a matter of fact, I’ll send them straight back to their boss – I’ve gotten better at aiming this thing. Yep…straight back to their boss…”
The lights were turned down low in the Monarch’s bedroom, and Barry White drifted out of the sound system. Chilled champagne and glasses stood on the nightstand. “I can’t believe we finally have all this time to ourselves,” bragged Monarch. “Those two idiots are finally out of our hair.”
“Honey, I’m still worried about the henchmen,” said Dr. G.
“Them? They’re the idiots I was talking about.”
Dr. G pushed Monarch away with her hand. “They’re practically family…how can you talk that way? Promise me that you’ll search for them…promise me…”
Monarch rolled his eyes. “Okay, okay…tomorrow I’ll…uh…mount some sort of search party for them.”
“There now, thank you honey.” Dr. G’s eyes suddenly opened wide as she looked up past Monarch’s shoulder. “Honey, is a hole supposed to be opening up in the ceiling like that?”
“What?” Monarch spun around. The last thing he saw before he was knocked out cold was the sight of a chubby henchman coming down at him.