Fan Fiction

A Day at the Human Races
By Gulliver63

"Good news, everyone."

"You always say that, yet you never deliver," quipped Amy.

"You guys have a job...I put food on your table - that's good news," remarked the Professor.

"Good point," added Fry, "do continue."

"We've got a shipment of blue mushroom brandy that needs to be delivered pronto."

"To where? asked Leela. "This paperwork says that it's in 50 gallon containers."

"To Amazonia."

"Just hold your horses, buster - isn't that a D.O.O.P. Red Zone?"

"The D.O.O.P., in the interest of fostering better relations with Amazonia, has allowed us limited access to the planet; Zapp Brannigan helped a great deal with this project. We're going to start trading with them again."

"Pardon me for asking," Bender interjected, "but why are we supplying the wildest women in the galaxy with alcoholic beverages? Isn't that a little like passing out handguns at Yankee Stadium just to find out what happens?"

"One of their biggest holidays is coming up - The Festival of the Moon Goddess."

"Oh...so it's about the moons of the planet," asked Leela.

"No, it's about the Goddess' moons...how should I know? I'm no interplanetary tour guide, I just take the money. Now get going, you rabble rousers."

Bender stood up as the crew got ready to leave. "Might as well stop the milk and cancel the mail - we're never coming home alive."

On the journey to Amazonia, Leela took a rare opportunity to take a cat nap in her berth while Amy flew the ship. She no sooner closed her eyes when a series of tremors went through the cabin. A tin coffee mug fell off the nightstand. She quickly went forward to see what the problem was.

"What just happened?" she asked.

"A ship just went tearing past us," Amy answered, "A big one."

"Who's ship? Who else would be operating big ships in this sector? Was it the Nimbus?"

"I don't know - I've never seen anything like it." Amy tapped a button, and the image of the ship flashed on a screen. Leela leaned in to examine the ship.

"Those look like Amazonian flags painted on the side...they don't have ships like that."

"And we're bringing them booze," declared Bender. "This could only end badly."

"Well, we're almost there anyway...Amy, start your pre-landing procedures."

As the Planet Express Crew stepped off the ship on Amazonia, they looked over at the cruiser that passed them by.

Leela got that angry downward curve in her eyelid. "Since when do they have ships like that? I thought the Treaty of Venus-Eye prevented that."

"It happens to be a pocket battlecruiser," said a voice from behind them. "And it happens to be within the treaty guidelines. It's sort of a pre-dreadnought battleship."

Leela turned around and found herself looking into the belly of an Amazonian. She stepped back to look at the rest of her, dressed in a splendid blue space navy uniform; the woman chuckled down at her.

Leela didn't know what to say. "Uh, hello..."

"You weren't expecting an Amazonian to be this eloquent, were you? Or one without animal skins." While she was standing there, several other Amazonian warriors came by to pick up the liquor shipment. The woman sternly barked orders at them. "You pick up - take to Femputer. You no break containers...go now chop chop!" They gave her a mean look, but they carried out her orders.

"That's more of what we were expecting," Fry observed.

The woman shook her head in disgust at the women. "Primordial brutes...it's a wonder they survived this long. Oh, where are my manners? I haven't introduced myself. I am Fleet Commander Thunga, and that's my ship Blade of Destruction."

"If I might ask," Leela inquired, "why the close pass earlier?"

"We were going to scan you for male breeding stock, but when we saw how small your ship was, we didn't bother."

"Lucky us," Leela noted.

"I could be breeding stock," Fry said.

This prompted an incredulous look from Thunga. She turned her wrist thingee on to quickly scan him. Keeping a poker face, she told them: "If you'll excuse me, I've got to supervise our unloading. Good Day to you all. And don't forget to stop by the banquet before leaving us." The gigantic woman walked back over to her ship.

"But who's going to sign for all this liquor?"

"Someone over at the Temple of Femputer," Thunga replied as she walked away.

"Unloading?" asked Leela.

"Breeding stock?" asked Amy; she then giggled as she bit her knuckle. "Breeding stock..."

The Planet Express Crew looked over at the battlecruiser. A large ramp extended down to the tarmac, and dozens of men were marched out of the ship like cattle under the watchful eye of their Amazonian minders. Each of the men had their hands bound behind them, and wore an electronic discipline collar.

"And they passed by us?" asked Fry.

"Ne'er by the grace of God go I," added Bender.

"Bender, it's a fair bet that they weren't looking for robot parts - I think you're safe. Let's get this stuff signed for and get out of here." She turned to Fry. "You, however, they might try to kidnap for their own evil purposes, so stay close to us..."

"Oh, get out of here," mused Fry. His facial expression changed to one of curiosity. "Do you think they might?"

"Oh, he's a real catch," snickered Amy. "We'll need to put him under lock and key."

Fry looked annoyed at her. "It could happen...it could happen..." Amy just laughed.

Fleet Commander Thunga took one of her officers aside. "Subcommander Shriya, I need you to inform Femputer that the male delivery boy is an Omega 10."

The officer looked astonished. "No - surely not..."

"Look at the readings." She showed her the readings on her wrist thingee. "Now get going - we can't let him leave the planet..."

As they made their way through the thick, steamy jungle, the Planet Express Crew climbed the steps of the huge stone idol; it had changed little over the dozen years since they'd seen it. Fleet Admiral Thunga came walking up behind them. "Step right this way...we've been waiting for you."

"That's got a creepy sound to it," Bender observed.

"Really," Leela said, "we appreciate this - but I just need to get this signed so we can be on our way."

"You can't just go," Thunga told them, "we're having a banquet before the big festival. At least let us feed you before you leave. It would be rude of us not to offer you a meal."

"What's on the menu," asked Bender, "us?"

"Nonsense...we're having roast slerng beast; it's very similar to your Tyrannosaurus Rex from Earth. And to wash it down, we have a Sauvignon Blanc. Come join us."

"Well," Bender said, "if you've got booze, then we can't refuse."

Leela winced. "Well, okay...but we'll have to eat quickly and go."

The group was led into the very chamber that they'd remembered so well, with its cold stone walls and vines climbing everywhere. A young Amazonian woman with a bigger violin than they'd ever seen played Vivaldi's "Spring" as food was brought in. Along the entire wall stood the mighty Femputer, with its antiquated lights and dials. The old-school warrior women still paid obeisance to the machine, as they did long ago; it was their Goddess, it was smart, and it kept them alive. The warriors bowed as the great computer came to life. The modern women in their uniforms treated it more like the computer that it was.

"Visitors...sit...feast," Femputer declared. "Shar'taan, play some Mozart please."

Leela and the others walked up to the huge wooden banquet table, which stood about eye-level for them. They looked almost comical as they climbed up into the monstrous wooden chairs.

"How inconsiderate of me," Thunga volunteered, "I can get you booster chairs, although we don't have much use for them without children."

"We don't need booster chairs...thank you." Once Leela was in her chair, her legs kicked along in the air like a young girl.

Soon Thunga barked an order at the wine steward. "Zooka - you serve wine, plenty pronto. Serve now." She looked over at Leela. "You'll have to forgive the clumsy servants...they aren't the brightest light bulbs in the hardware store."

The food was passed around, and the Planet Express Crew found it surprisingly edible. Subcommander Shriya handed over an enormous y-shaped bone to Fry. "Do you want to make a wish?"

"That would make a hell of a wish," noted Bender. "I wish I was the hell out of here."

"Bender," Leela scolded.

Fry snapped the bone. "You get your wish, little man." Shriya smiled at him. With her dark skin and her hair pulled back, he found her very attractive. Her uniform resembled an Indian sari back on Earth.

Leela picked up her enormous goblet of wine and lifted it up. "In the interest of better relations between our two worlds, I propose a toast." The other Amazonians were eager to join in with her.

"Leela," Thunga noted, "you're I can see that you are a warrior woman at heart. You could be one of us - you could join the fleet."

"I'm flattered, but I've got my own responsibilities back home."

"Do any of you realize that this is the beginning of a whole new age for us? All of you could join us here to help us usher in a new era for the planet."

"I've been meaning to ask you," Leela said, "you seem...better educated than many of your sisters here."

"Oh, you've noticed that." Thunga smiled, and pointed to the wine steward. "Zooka, step over to Femputer."

"Me?" she asked like a frightened child. "Me no do wrong...me do better...me promise."

"Zooka, it will be alright...now do what I say. Step over there."

"Please...me scared. Me sorry, little people...me no mean harm..."


Reluctantly, the huge woman stepped over to Femputer. She was suddenly bathed in a bright yellow light. Frightened at first, she soon got a smile on her face. Just as quickly, the light ceased.

"Come over and tell us how you feel, Zooka."

"Why, I feel simply jubilant! That was a most rapturous sensation...phenomenal."

"Wish we could blast Fry with that beam," noted Bender, "he could be almost normal."

Zooka continued. "My head has been filled with a plethora of information on...economics!" She turned to Leela. "Do you have any idea just how exciting economics can be? The word economics comes from the Greek word oikonomia, which means management of a household."

"That's nice, Zooka...now go back to serving the wine."


"The wine...you were brought in here as a wine steward, not an economist..."

"Oh..." She got a scowl as she picked up the bottle. "Sauvignon Blanc? We'd do much better with a dessert wine like a sherry, since it's near the end of the meal...any common troglodyte would know that..."

"Whatever...just go fetch it." As Zooka left, Thunga chuckled to her guests. "Sometimes it's a dangerous thing to give them knowledge...they can get too smart for their own good."

"So that funny light boosted her IQ," said Amy.

"Considerably. I believe it was your Earth philosopher Plato that once said, 'We can easily forgive a child who is afraid of the dark; the real tragedy of life is when men are afraid of the light.'"

"Okay," added Leela, "I get all that. But why?"

"I'll let Femputer explain it to you, as she is the architect of our new era."

As the mighty Femputer spoke, lights flashed on its panel. "Young woman, we've been facing a crisis here on Amazonia for quite some time. You recall seeing the bones of the men all those years ago; even though they enjoyed snu-snu, indeed even lived for it, their bodies just couldn't take the pounding. Fry here experienced it first hand...I must say that he's healed up quite nicely..."

"I had to spend some time in rehab, but yes I did, ma'am. Thanks for asking."

"You guys sure know how to ruin a meal," said Bender. "What an ugly Polaroid."

Femputer continued. "If the girls had been at it for too much longer, poor Fry here would have gone home in a pine box. So would have Zapp Brannigan, which wouldn't have been much of a loss to humanity."

"Way to go, Fry! Woo-hoo!"

"Shut up, Bender - go on."

"By creating an 'Enlightened Class' of Amazonian women, my hope is to teach them better breeding habits. Otherwise, any man in their path would be doomed to a death of incredible pleasure, and the Amazonians themselves would die out - just like your dodo bird on Earth. The program we're setting up here will turn Amazonia into a kinder, gentler planet, and both the Amazonians and the men will survive in harmony."

Bender got a funny look in his eyes. "Somehow the words 'kinder' and 'gentler' don't fit these ladies much."

"But all those men we saw," Leela observed, "you captured them and led them into the snu-snu chambers against their will."

Thunga objected. "No, no, no...we don't use than term anymore. We've built new ones, and we now call them breeding chambers."

Bender put his finger up in the air. "Chalk one up for P. C., ladies and gentlemen; you say breeding, and I say snu-ing..."

"But you're capturing men off of space ships...and probably raiding planets as well."

Bender pulled out a cigar. "Here comes the breeder express - climb on board! Tickets just two bits a head. Woo-hoo!" He lit his cigar. "Fry, I bet you wish you'd been raided."

"But our planet is dying," added Shriya. "We have a right to survive."

Leela jumped off of her chair to the ground like an angry child. "I'm sorry...I just can't be a part of this any longer. Guys, we're leaving."

Thunga got up and stood next to Fry. "That's too bad...we could have used your help. You are all free to leave. But Fry here has to stay with us."

Fry looked up with a mouthful of food. "I do?"

"Why?" asked Leela.

"We scanned him," said Thunga. "He's an Omega 10 - we can't possibly let him leave."

"English please - what's an Omega 10?"

Amy squinted her eyes. "I took some genetics in college...as an elective to build up hours. I think this woman is trying to tell us that Fry is a two-legged baby making machine. He's a Fertile Murphy. He must have more active sperm than Carter has liver pills."

"No way," said Leela. She gave Fry a strange look. "Really?"

"Snap," said Fry.

"Just the thought of all them red-headed children running around," added Bender. "How many illegitimates you got, boy?"

"Probably none," laughed Amy. She then got a sudden smile on her face. "You know, maybe she's got a point. Maybe Leela and I could help with their breeding program - surely they could use a geneticist..."

"Oh, no you don't, Amy..."

"Darn it," Amy snapped her fingers, "you're going to die an old maid yet."

Leela got a look of fury on her face. "Just stand back, Fry - I'll protect you from these femme-pirates! They can't just take what isn't theirs!"

"But we haven't heard them out," pleaded Fry. "Maybe they've got a point..."

"That's it - it's clobberin' time!" Leela went into a flying karate kick, which did little more than annoy Thunga. The huge Amazonian woman grabbed Leela by the arms like a misbehaving child and restrained her. "Come on Fry," shouted Leela, "- it's time to fight! You can take out one or two!"

Thunga's fellow officers grabbed the other crewmembers. "Leela, help!" shouted Amy. "They're going to throw us into a jail cell!"

"We have a kinder, gentler name for that as well," added Femputer, "we now call it an Attitude Modification Area. Take them away, and make sure the Omega male is taken to the breeding chambers."

"Well," said Amy, "there is something to be said for this new politically correct society of theirs; these are really nice curtains."

Bender thought about it. "What I really like is the way that the turquoise blue paint matches the throw rugs in here. And those faux-Martian wall hangings are hard to beat..."

Leela looked at her shipmates in anger. "Are you idiots hearing yourselves? This is a prison cell, you morons...we can't go anywhere!"

"I still would have gone with cream colored curtains," Amy remarked.

The cell door was finally unlocked and opened. A huge Amazonian woman with a food cart popped her head in. "Would any of you like a dinner mint or a nice low-sodium fruit drink?"

"Weren't you going to call us prisoners? Detainees? Convicts?" asked Leela.

The woman corrected her. "The official term we like to use is extended-length visitors."

"No, and get lost."

"Fine...suit yourself. This will be the last meal until brunch is served." The woman locked the door and left.

Leela got a glum look on her face. "I wonder what's happening to poor Fry right now?"

Bender put his hand on her shoulder. "Leela, you might as well give him up - he's boned."

Fry sat in a comfortable chair in one of the breeding domes in his underwear, eating hot chicken wings and watching a football game. A small robot dispensed an ice-cold bottle of beer to him. He gazed around at his surroundings, which resembled a cheap honeymoon suite in Mars Vegas. "I could make a run for it," he thought, "but maybe I could wait until half time."

As he munched down on his chicken wings, a mechanized female voice came over a speaker on the wall. "Omega 10 subject sufficiently placated," the voice said, "commence breeding...commence breeding."

The huge round door to the breeding chamber slid open, and a particularly gigantic Amazonian woman wearing a pink teddy walked in. Fry looked up at the huge figure. "Could we do this later?" he asked. "I was just getting into the game."

The Amazonian reached down a huge hand and picked him up like child would pick up a doll. She placed him on her shoulder, and started walking toward the bed.

"That's okay," Fry told her, "I'll just catch up on the post-game commentary later."

"These scented candles are really great," Amy said. "I wonder if they have a gift shop?"

"Dim-bulb," Leela spat, "you're supposed to be incarcerated and miserable." She thought a second. "That is a nice scent..."

With a loud crash, the cell door was kicked open; three Amazonian warriors stepped in.

"I told you, no dinner mints!"

"You help us - we here to stop Thunga."

Leela got off of the bunk bed. "Hey, I know you guys. You're Thog, you're Ornik, and the one with the stylish blue Mohawk here is Kug."

Kug blushed. "Little Shorty One-Eye Kicker say nicest things."

"You all come with us," Thog said. "We stop Thunga. We make big revo...reva...rrr..."

"Revolution?" asked Leela.

"Yeah - that thing."

"We need to rescue our friend first. Where is he being kept - is he being treated well?"

Ornik put her hand through her dreadlocks. "Fry? He being kept in breeding chambers...they no give him any peace - they make him grooky-grooky all night and day. He just a game piece in much larger game, me afraid."

Kug looked over at the group. "We need to give shorty people disguise - they stick out like mule against white picket fence."

As the women joined Bender in their Amazonian clothing, they found him fuming. "What's your problem?" asked Leela.

"This is not going to freaking work!"

"Why not?" asked Amy.

He put his hands on his sides. "So tell me...how many stinkin' robots have you seen wearing a loincloth? What would I be covering up? And could your giant friends give me one that isn't a size 500 XL?"

"Just be quiet and try to act natural," advised Leela. She and Amy picked up a spear; the wooden pole was easily the length of a car, and took the two of them to pick it up. They looked like two linemen carrying a small telephone pole.

"You pip-squeaks close mouth - you bring unwanted attention," snapped Kug.

"Bender's got a point," said Leela. "Look at this spear. How can we possibly pass ourselves off as real Amazonians?"

Kug thought a second. "Me not know...maybe you smoke - stunt growth. Maybe you midgets from Amazonian circus."

"They now called 'little people,'" Ornik corrected.

"Hell, everyone to you guys is 'little people,'" Bender observed.

"Hush," Leela said, "let's just get walking over to the breeding domes."

The group made their way through a thick patch of forest, and then spotted the large, pink domes; each one of them had numbers painted on the side. They hid among the trees as they watched men being led like animals into the domes.

"There they are," Leela told the others.

"She got good eye," Ornik remarked, "and she wicked smart."

As they made their way up to the domes, they were approached by an Amazonian in a blue uniform. "Who might you guys be? I know you're not from the Kronga Party - they aren't due here until 6 pm."

Leela pitched her voice down and spoke for the group. "We sent by Femputer to breed with Omega 10. Orders changed. We in heap big hurry."

The curious Amazonian stooped down to examine Leela. "Did you have any brothers or sisters when you were growing up?"


"Who kept you from the table?" As the giant woman laughed at her own witty joke, she noticed that no one was joining her. "He's in Dome 5A, just over there. And go easy on him - he's had a very busy day."

As the group went on their way, the woman stopped Bender. "What might you be?"

"Uh, me Amazonian robot - me report back to Femputer on progress of breeding program, baby."

The woman got a serious look on her face and held a fist up to her chest. "Long live Femputer...long live the Breeding Program. To breed is life; to snu is death."

"Uh, yeah...I'll tell her you're doing a really nice job over here."

Fry was half awake when the door to the breeding chamber slid open. "Oh, come on honey," he said in a groggy voice, "I've got to catch a rest somewhere..." He caught site of the three Amazonians. "Hey, now wait a minute...all of you? I don't do this kinky stuff..."

Leela rushed up to talk with him, and brushed his cheek with her hand. "My poor baby - what did they do to you?"

"Like sluh," Amy snorted.

"What are you girls doing here?" Fry asked.

"We're here to rescue you, baby."

"Rescue? Rescue? Shouldn't rescues be planned out a little more? A good time to rescue me would be...say after 2 pm on Monday. Or Tuesday - long holiday weekend and all."

Leela got a serious look on her face. "Fry, I don't think you realize what's going on; you're being used as part of an insidious breeding program. These women have no regard for your freewill or personal liberties. They're just using you like a tool for their own evil purposes."

He twirled his hand at the wrist. "Yeah...and?"

Thog looked at Leela. "Little one here is blinded by charms of evil woman; we rescue now." Thog threw Fry over her shoulder like a sack of flour and walked out with him.

"Bender, grab his clothes and shoes."

Fry frowned. "Oh, hell - don't I have a say in this?"

"This is for your own good," Bender told him. "It's gonna hurt us more than it'll hurt you...he...he...he..."

Fry looked up from the giant woman's shoulder. "Gosh darn it - why does this stuff always happen to me? The ultimate fantasy of every male high school kid, and I have to be rescued from it. The worst part is that no one will ever believe me if I tell 'em..."

The group didn't make it far back through the city when the alarms were sounded; several women blew through gigantic animal horns to alert the city. As the party got close to the Temple of Femputer, Thog began to address her fellow warriors.

"Sisters - now is the time for rev...ruh..."

"Revolution," said Leela in a loud whisper.

"Yes - time for regime change."

Nearby on the steps of the temple, Thunga and some of her best troops began to assemble.

"That is my property you have on your shoulder," Thunga told Thog, "just put him down and go back to your hut."

"He mine - I take him to hut for snu mooey mooey!"

"You are not snu-snuing this one - put him down and go home."

"Do I have a say in this?" asked Fry with his hand raised.

"You hush, Little Red-on-the-Head." Thog the warrior climbed the steps to face Thunga. "You a 'lighted one'...you no speak for me or mine."

"You mean 'an enlightened one?'"

"Yeah - that. Me no more get pushed around by you lighted ones. Me start regime change now." She turned to face her fellow warriors. "Up with the Proletariat; down with the berg...the burj..."

"I believe that word is bourgeoisie...if you're going to start a worker's revolt, at least learn the proper vocabulary," said Thunga smugly.

Leela stepped forward. "She's not going to do what you tell her."

Thunga got down on one knee to talk with her, as if she was speaking to a child. "Ah, yes... the 'Little Shorty One-eye Kicker' that I keep having problems with. You are not going to stop the breeding plan. My ships are going out. This race of women will go on. Long live Amazonia! And I'll make sure you get thrown into a real jail cell, and fed beans and water. No more politically correct holding areas for you."

"She our friend," said Krug. "You no harm her."

Thunga looked at her troops. "Go ahead and start shooting over their heads."

The troops looked bewildered; none of them raised their weapons.

"What are you waiting for? All of you have huge IQ's, but have you forgotten what it's like to be a warrior? Start shooting! Show some force!"

"It makes no sense to shoot," Zooka told her, "as we are already facing extinction. You might harm someone out there. Besides, even though they are IQ challenged, they are still our sisters."

"Oh, you too? Shriya, bring me the gun."

"Surely Thunga, there must be..."

"Shriya, bring me the gun...right now!"

The Amazonian produced a large rifle-like weapon with an energy pack underneath. She started up the energy pack, and took the safety off. She then pointed it out at the crowd of warriors. "Femputer didn't want me to use this, but I see no other choice."

"Good grief," Leela said, "there's always another choice...you're not really going to do this..." She closed her eye as she saw the enormous finger move to the trigger.

Thunga squeezed the trigger, and the evening sky was lit up with a flash of yellow light. As quickly as it started, the light disappeared. Thunga began to swear.

"Piece of stinking junk," she yelled, "why doesn't anything ever fracking work?" She threw the weapon down to the stone pavement in anger. She then looked up into the face of her opponent Thog, who was still carrying Fry on her shoulder. "Yes? Can I help you?"

"Maybe, you lighted ones and us warriors can reach a com...a compro..."

"A compromise?" added Amy.

"Yeah...that. You got big brains, but your women still good people. You lead. We learn to be kinder...and gentler with tiny men folk. We get some snu, but not crush little men. Life go on good for all of us. We take care of little ones like this." She smacked Fry in the back hard twice, and he let out an "oof" sound.

Thunga's jaw slid open. "Oh my Goddess...it worked...the gun actually worked. Just long enough to get the point across." She extended a hand to Thog, who shook it graciously. "Yes, we can reach a compromise. Long live the tribe...long live Amazonia!" Cheers broke out in the crowd. "Together the lot of us will save Amazonia."

Leela cleared her throat. "This means no more kidnapping of males..."

"Then how we get men?" asked Thog. "We warriors...we take what we need."

"I happen to know a space captain in the D.O.O.P. that can get things started for you."

"Perfect!" Thunga then looked down at Leela. "This changes everything...we're going to need you guys to get the liquor distributed. Is there any way you can stay any longer?"

"Let me think," said Leela. "What's that make our politically correct status now?"

"How about 'festival attendee?'"

Leela gave the giant woman a crisp salute. "Aye, aye, Commander - sounds like a plan." She turned to Amy. "Hey, get Bender...where's Bender?"

Bender was found in the lower chamber of the temple where the liquor was being stored. When Leela caught up with him, she found him on a big, clunky deep space cell phone.

"Yep...blue mushroom brandy. Good quality stuff, 90 proof. If you can meet me on say, Neptune, I can sell it for 75 quatloos a gallon. Yeah, my crew is getting ready to be slaughtered, so I've got to move this stuff fast...yeah, they haven't got a chance in the..." Bender turned to see an angry cyclops looking at him. "Uh, gotta go...we got some interference on this end..."

Leela grabbed the robot by his antenna and started dragging him along. "Come here, you..."

The festival of the Moon Goddess went on through the night, and was a smashing success. Leela woke up in a hut alone; she had no idea where Fry had slept, but then remembered that Thog had carried him off with her. As she got up, her head still swam a bit from the brandy. She yawned and staggered outside into the morning air.

Leela chuckled as she spotted Zooka trying to teach a class in personal finance to several Amazonian warriors; try as she might, she just couldn't get the concept of working a budget across to them. And they couldn't grasp what a check was. "You give tiny paper to clerk and they give you things?" one asked. "You no more give pigs and chickens?"

She had no idea where Amy was either, but she was quite sure that she'd involved herself in the breeding program with the men...possibly in the area of genetics, but more likely in the actual breeding itself.

She caught up with Bender trying to play travel specialist with some college guys,

"Okay," said Bender, "these are your meal tickets...don't lose them, as you'll have to buy them separately."

"Bender, what are you doing?"

"Hey - just trying to stimulate the economy a little bit."

She looked at the students. "Don't let this robot swindle you out of any more money."

"Hey - these were good customers!"

The next person Leela ran across was Zapp Brannigan. "Leela," he chirped, "I came over as soon as I got your distress call."

"I don't remember putting out a distress call."

"Okay, okay...I was asked to help with a breeding plan."

She rolled her eye. "Just keep walking over to those pink domes over there...that's were all the action is. I'll just collect Fry and Amy and get ready to go."

Leela finally ran across Thunga, who looked worn out from the night's partying. She gave her a salute, and the giant woman saluted back. "We could have used you," she told Leela, "you would have made a good officer."

"Thanks...maybe I'll keep you in mind."

Several years later, Thog the warrior grimaced as she looked over a spelling test that she'd taken; she only got a 68 on it, which was barely passing. "This stuff harder than it look," she remarked. "Why we need take this stuff anyway?"

A beach ball bounced off of her shoulder, and she heard children's laughter. "Philomena," she told her, "you get ready for dinner mooey quick."

The red-headed child, who easily stood over 6 feet tall, came up to ask her mother a question in that low-pitched voice of hers. "Mother, when I get to see Daddy?"

"Me not know, little one. Me not know..."