Green Hell: A Futurama/Tour of Duty Crossover
Planet Express Building,
New New York,
July 10th 3004
had been a rough week for the crew. Leela, Fry and Bender had just
finished a delivery to Wolfenstein 3. The planet was ruled by the
"Fourth" Reich, and Bender, in his usual self angered the
leader of the New National Socialist Workers Party which
coincidentally was a robot with the Brain of Adolf Hitler. The three
employees escaped with their lives by the skin of their teeth, but
the Planet Express ship took some serious missile and laser damage
courtesy of the Spacewaffe. The crew were chilling out on the
couch on the employee lounge when they heard the most horrible
bone-chilling words since Jessica Simpson Version 4.0...
News Everyone!" boomed Professor Farnsworth.
Bender groaned in unison. Fry comically slapped his forehead while
Bender, with a flick of his wrist muted his volume. Leela sighed and
looked up from the bestseller she was reading and looked into the 160
year-old man's wrinkled face.
"What is it now? Can't you
see we're exhausted?"
"Oh bull-crap!" The
Professor snapped, re-adjusting his glasses. "I have no time for
your complaining Leela. I need you and Fry to help me with something
in my laboratory."
"Wait hold up," Fry said.
"Why can't Bender come and help us?"
dammit!" Farnsworth grumbled "Bender has been working hard
these past few weeks, and he deserves some time off!"
heh heh," Bender chuckled with pride. "See ya later
skintubes." Bender turned away to his self-appointed "chumps"
and lit a Zuban.
"Okay what do you want us
to do?" Leela asked impatiently. She and Fry had made some
reservations at Elzar's tonight. It would seem like a good way to
relieve the stress and overwork of last week's shipments - If the
Crackpot's latest foray didn't kill them first.
stand over there for a second," the Professor pointed to a table
of beakers and test tubes. Fry and Leela watched with mild interest as
the Professor wheeled out a large object draped under a white sheet.
He lifted one of the corners.
"Behold! MY TIME MACHINE!"
He threw away the sheet revealing a porta-potty like structure with
lots of dials switches and lights flashing like something out of
Sci-Fi show from the stupid ages. In the top left hand corner there
was a digital clock showing the present date and location in green
LED numbers and letters.
"So what?" Fry said
boringly "We've all seen it before..."
have?" Farnsworth replied quizzically.
Leela interjected. "That thing brought all those people from that 20th
century TV show into our world. King of something I think." (See
"I wish I were in Arlen" for details)
anyway," the Professor continued not caring, "I've
re-calibrated after the last incident, and.."
need guinea pigs right!?" Leela continued. "Why us
Professor? Why can't you use Zoidberg? He's the expendable one!"
moaning sound was heard outside the lab.
"Because I hate
Another moan was heard.
"Did you hear
something?" Fry asked.
"No," Leela replied.
The Professor scooted over to the machine and opened a panel on the
side. He began to tinker with some of the interior circuits.
just a few more twists, and I should have this thing working at 100%
Suddenly, the machine began to whir and a
blinding flash and thick smoke enveloped the room. After a few
seconds the smoke cleared and the Professor stood hunched over the
machine coughing heavily. After a few moments, he saw the
unmistakable outline of Fry and Leela's silhouettes. It was something
like those pictures taken after Hiroshima showing the outlines of
people vaporized in the blast. The Professor looked around for any
sign of his employees. He felt the icy hand of fear clasped around
his shoulder. "Oh lord! now I'll have to fill out some more stupid
ads for space captains and delivery boys in the want ads. I wish
Hermes hadn't taken the week off..." A loud audible beeping sound
jolted Farnsworth from his thoughts He turned and shuffled to the
electronic readout on the screen above him. His eyes widened in
-PHILIP J. FRY
DATE OF DEPARTURE: JULY 10TH 3004
DATE OF ARRIVAL: MARCH 5TH 1968
DESTINATION: REPUBLIC OF VIETNAM
"Oh my," the Professor
said to himself softly His words made a deep echo in the silent room.
buzzing of Insects and brought Leela to her senses. She stirred, but
he head pounded fiercely, with a grunt, she propped herself up and
rubbed her forehead vigorously to ease the headache. The pain
coursing through her reminded her of Bender's birthday bash where she
got completely hammered. Leela shook the thoughts of that awful and
humiliating night from her mind and examined her surroundings.
Leela had been in some Jungles before on other planets, but
this one defied belief. Thick canopy of trees blotted out the sun and
shafts of sunlight poked through openings in the dense foliage. The
air, like most jungles or rainforests, was hot and humid. Leela found
it stifling. She rose to her feet and checked herself for injuries.
There were none and in response she muttered a short prayer They say
the worst thing happen to you in a place like this is to be injured.
medical assistance would be non-existent.
"How long have I
been out? Minutes? Hours? Where the hell am I?" The thoughts were
racing through her brain like Formula 1 Hovercar at the Indy 5000.
She looked around and noticed that Fry was missing. Aw crap, she
muttered. Where the hell did he wander off to now? Leela looked
around long and hard but she saw no trace of her friend.
a little closer you bastard..." she whispered to herself.
she thought the time was right, Leela jumped out, tackled the
stranger with the force of an NFL Quarterback and prepared to strike
when she heard the man cry out in fear.
"Leela! What the
hell are you doing!? It's me Fry!!!"
Leela froze. After
what seemed like an eternity, the branch fell from her hands and she
bent down at her friend and leaned in closer.
that really you?"
"Yeah! Who else did you expect: Steve Austin Version 1.0?"
"Oh Fry," She
leaned in closer as if to whisper to him and gave Fry a slap that
echoed across the jungle Fry cringed in pain as he felt the mark of
Leela's hand across his face
"Owww! What'd I do!?"
he blurted out.
"What the hell we're you thinking
Fry!' She sighed and put down the tree trunk, and began shaking
him real hard. "God, don't sneak up on me like that! I
could've killed you, you idiot!!!" Fry had a pained
expression in his face.
"Leela I'm so, so sor-" His
words were choked off in his throat as Leela planted her lips on his
in a deep and meaningful kiss. Fry desperately tapped her shoulder in
an attempt to get air into his lungs. She relented, and turned a
shade of red at what she had just done. "Way to be impulsive,
Turanga," she thought. "First you slap him and berate him for
being wandering off like a little kid, then you suck face with him.
God why can't you make up your mind? Do you love him or not?"
"Yes what?" Fry asked while making
a confused look with his eyes.
Leela shot back. She shook herself to reality and returned to her
default Captain mode. "Where did you go? Did you see anybody
shook his head. "I haven't seen anything that closely
resembles civilization." He paused... "Hey! maybe we went
back to the age of the dinosaurs!"
"God I hope
not," Leela grimaced. The thought of outrunning a very P.O'ed
T-Rex made a chill go down her spine.
"That would be so
cool!" Fry trailed off. "They'd be like
RRROOOARRRRR!!! and we'd be like AHHHHHH!!!! and the cavemen
would be like-"
Leela" It was Fry's turn to be embarrassed. His face
turned a shade of red.
Leela checked her
Wrist-Lojack-Amater(TM) and began scanning the surrounding area with
it. "Well, I'm not picking up any other life forms..." She
tensed up in fear.
"What is it?" Fry asked. He
peered over Leela's shoulder.
got contacts moving a few yards away they're heading right for us!
Hide!" She and Fry took cover behind a large log and a jumble of
rocks* in the hopes of avoiding detection
Fry," Leela warned.
"I'm trying to!" Fry
The minutes ticked by. To Fry, they felt like
hours. Soon the shapes of human forms dressed in Khaki materialized
out of the foliage like phantoms out of a Yorkshire moor. Many of
them wore tropical style pith helmets with stars in the middle or
field caps. They shouldered an assortment of weapons not seen for
over a thousand years...Projectile weapons. They had East
Asian facial features and were lugging machine guns, assault rifles
and a nasty looking tube with a high explosive warhead on one end.
The lead man put his hand up as a signal and the others in line
stopped in unison. Leela watched carefully as they continued their
march. They were so close, that she could smell the stench of fish
on their breath and the odor of sweat and muck escaping from their
rumpled uniforms. It was like being in a room with a bunch of
Zoidbergs. She breathed a sigh of relief as the last of them passed
" Man, that was close one," Fry thought. Then he
heard the snapping sounds of twigs breaking. He looked around and saw
that the twigs were under his feet. He felt sick. In a moment,
ten, maybe more automatic rifles cocked, loaded, and with the safety
catches off were aimed at Fry and Leela's foreheads. Realizing
there was no way out, Fry and Leela pathetically put up their hands.
Two soldiers reached over and hauled them to their feet. Leela looked
down at the ground so as to not attract attention to herself. One of
the soldiers however gaped at Leela's face. The others faces
were a mix of shock, and repulse at what was standing before them.
They began to make jokes in their native tongue and laugh at the two
prisoners they had just captured. Fry wanted to do something, but he
thought twice when he felt the barrel of a rifle being prodded into
his ribs. All was silent until an officer stepped forward and began
to jabber in his native tongue at the troops clustered around him.
wish Amy were here," Leela muttered. The previous sentence must
have grabbed the officer's attention because in a flash Leela
felt the back of an assault rifle striking her in the back of the
head. She cried out in pain and fell to her knees with a dull thud.
sonofabitch!!!" Fry spat venomously. One of the men aimed his
weapon directly at Fry's forehead. The soldier gave an "I dare
you smile," so cold Fry felt he was shivering. The Officer spoke
again and the two prisoners were hauled to their feet. Next, their
Hands were bound with rope and were forced to march with their
captors struggling to keep themselves from keeling over. They were
prodded along with loaded rifles and shouts of "didi mau!!! didi
mau!!!" Fry felt that expression being tattooed onto his brain
with a wood burner. Leela's head was throbbing heavily She could not
keep her balance, and she plopped down the ground exhausted and in
obvious pain. It hurt Fry to see his best friend in this condition.
One of the soldiers started kicking her in the kidneys to get her
The trek to the NVA supply camp was a grueling one for Fry and Leela.
Along the way, they constantly endured the pain of having the muzzles
of automatic rifles jabbed into their sides in order to hurry them
up. For Fry it was worse; The enemy had broken two of his ribs during
the march, and every time he breathed, his voice sounded something like a diseased
smoker on his last gasp. Leela cringed every time Fry wheezed. Her
head pounded heavily. The bad head wound she sustained at the hands
of her captors was killing her. She wanted desperately to relieve the
pain, but her hands were tied behind her back and she had a rope
around her neck in order to keep her from escaping. Fry was trussed
up in a similar way, and the soldiers took great pleasure in pushing
them along like two stray dogs going to the pound.
was absolutely unbearable, and the canopy of trees did very little to
alleviate the stress and fatigue of the two hapless time travelers.
Even when they finally arrived at the camp, their suffering did not
end. The sound of thunder rolled across the jungle, and as if on cue
from some other being, a torrential downpour of rain soaked them to
the bone. The soldiers didn't appear to mind. Leela figured that
months of sleeping on in the dirt and muck of this hellhole numbed
their senses. One of the soldiers, a scrawny 20 something year old
kid with a gap in his teeth eyed Leela's rain-saturated tank top. She
looked down and saw that the outline of her breasts showed behind the
fabric. Her eye narrowed in anger, and she shot the aroused soldier
the biggest "Drop F***ing Dead" look in her life. Fry was
too exhausted and wracked with pain to care anymore. He plopped down
on his knees into the muck which covered his jeans. The soldiers
began to kick him in order to get him back on his feet.
god's sake, he's hurt!" Leela pleaded. For her troubles, the
patrol's leader came up and suckered punched Leela in the solar
plexus. Leela gasped for oxygen and collapsed into the mud. She felt
the rope "collar" dig into her neck The soldiers just stood
by with amused smiles. After a few moments they were pushed-shoved is
a more better description- into a crudely constructed bamboo hut.
There, Fry and Leela were introduced to a round-faced Asian man whose
uniform was be-decked with several medals. On his hip was a Tokarev
semi-automatic pistol nestled in a leather holster. He grinned as he
lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in Leela's face.
stuff will kill you one of these days," Fry chuckled despite his
present situation. Leela tried to keep a straight face. The officer
was not amused, and rewarded Fry with a punch to his shattered ribs.
He fell screaming in pain. Leela closed her eye which began to get
red with the tears streaming down her face. The officer looked
straight at Fry's broken body and directly into Leela's face.
are you?" The officer asked.
tried to think of something but was cut off as the officer began to
hit her repeatedly in the face, leaving a series of purplelish
bruises, angry red welts, and blood gushing from her brow, nostrils,
"I'm not going to ask you again, American pig!" The officer screamed into Leela's ear with rage.
"Who are you!?"
Leela spat a mouthful of blood into
the man's face. "Go f*** yourself @$$hole," she hissed. The
officer continued to pummel her until her face was hideously bruised
and scarred. Her eye was swollen to the size of a cantaloupe from the
beatings, and covered in blood. Fry felt tears welling up in his
eyes. He wanted to nothing better to do than reach up and rip the
f***ing man's head off his shoulders but he was powerless.
do anything to save her," he sobbed. "She's going to die because
of me, and I can't do a goddamm thing to save her."
hell's wrong with you people!" Fry screamed "We're
human beings for God's sake!!!" One of the guards kicked
Fry in the stomach cutting off his speech. He sank back to floor
writhing in pain. He wished that the officer would put a bullet in
his head right now and get it over with it.
"You do not
wish to co-operate freak?" The officer asked vehemently. "Very
well then," he pointed to one of the two guards in the tiny
room. "We'll see how resilient you are after this." The
guards hauled Leela to her feet and tied her hands to a supporting
beam in the hut. The officer bent down to a chest and pulled out a
cylindrical object. It was an acetylene blowtorch.
sick bastard!" Fry wept. "You cowardly piece of s***!"
The officer ignored him and lit the torch. He smiled again as a blue
flame came spurting out the nozzle. Leela struggled against her bonds
but it was useless. The flame began to singe her skin. She cried out
in pain. Never in her years of being a spaceship captain had she
shown fear, but now she was terrified. "FRY!!! HELP ME!!!"
Leela wept uncontrollably.
Fry was beside himself. Then the
little voices inside his head began talking.
get off your ass and save her!!! "
"I can't!" he
cried. Leela's screams pierced his eardrums like knitting needles.
"You lazy SOB! She NEEDS you! FIGHT! FIGHT!
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The next few
seconds were all a blur. It was like the events at the museum when he
drank 100 cups of coffee. Somehow. Someway. By some extraordinary
feat of endurance which Fry felt was all but gone, he grabbed the
assault rifle of the guard nearest to him and ventilated the man with
an entire clip of 7.62mm ammo. The bastard was cut in two. His blood
and intestinal tract stained the ground The second guard suffered the
agony of receiving five rounds of high-velocity ammo imbedded into
his skull. The man's head disappeared as it was cleanly shot away
revealing a rotting stump of muscle and viscera stained crimson, but
showing a piece of arctic white vertebrae.
dropped the still glowing blowtorch and fumbled for the Tokarev at
his hip. Leela, seeing what happened delivered a devastating kick to
the surprised man's jaw. Her heavy duty boots shattered his jaw. The
officer dropped to the ground writhing in pain. However, he managed
to summon the strength to un-holster his side arm and aimed it
directly at Leela's forehead.
no," Fry gasped. He frantically searched around until he saw
the blowtorch lying on the ground still emitting flame. He reached
over and kicked the officer in the groin. Fry brought the blowtorch
to his tormentor's face, smiled wickedly as the flame seared
the officer's face, melting his skin. The loaded pistol dropped
uselessly from his hands. Fry, with absolute hatred in his eyes
grabbed the gun, and promptly shot the man in the head. "Adios
motherf***er, better you than me," Fry chuckled to himself. He
snapped out of his 'rage mode,' and searched around the
un-godly mess of blood and body parts until he finally saw what he
was looking for. A bayonet attached to the web belt of one of the
dead guards. He unsheathed it, and used it to cut his bonds. He
repeated the Process with Leela. She fell into his arms like a sack
of wet cement. Fry grunted and cursed as he hauled Leela to her feet
and dragged her out into the pouring rain.
hold on dammit," Fry snapped at a semi-conscious Leela. "Don't
you even think of letting go Leela," He said. Fry had never
showed determination before in his life, but the sight of the one
person he cared about most being tortured by those sadists changed
him. He wasn't just an idiotic delivery boy from the stupid
Fry's pep talk was interrupted by the
sounds of shouts and of gunfire. Fry took cover behind some oil
barrels and looked on in amazement and shock as the remaining NVA
patrol was ambushed. Bullets tore the mud and rain soaked pathways
apart. Bodies gyrated and blood spewed from dime sized holes in the
unfortunate men's bodies. Grenades were thrown. Fry covered Leela's
body and crouched down to avoid the rain of shrapnel and body parts
that flew through the air like Blernsballs at a NNY Yankees game. The
gunfire chattered on for about a few minutes, and suddenly died away,
leaving only the sound of the rain falling down incessantly.
Fry looked up from his hiding place, and stared with wide open eyes
at a large group of men dressed in OD fatigues with grenades,
bandoleers of ammo slung over their bodies, and an assortment of
assault rifles and machine guns strapped to them. One of the men, a
tall, rugged looking guy with a OD bandanna was talking to a skinny
looking soldier with a serious 5 O'clock shadow on his face.
"L-tee, We better get moving," one of the two guys
said. "Charlie's going to be wondering where all that noise came
"Okay Sergeant," L-tee sighed "Check
that hootch for intelligence and then get the rest of the men to
move out," He pointed directly at the place where Fry and Leela
"Aw crap," Fry muttered. He looked over at
Leela. Her breathing was shallow and only soft moans came from her
mouth. Fry fought back tears in his eyes.
one of the newcomers sighted Fry's hair poking out behind the oil
"Sarge! L-tee!" the man yelled. "We
got live one's!"
"Charlie?" another soldier
"No! Looks like they're ours," he replied.
The man leaned in closer. "Holy s***! This ones only got one eye
"I'm not in the mood for jokes Percell!"
"What the hell's your problem Danny? You
seeing things again man."
"Shut up Taylor!" He
turned to the Sarge. "I swear to god, she's a freakin' Cyclops!"
"A what!?" Taylor asked.
Fry tried to the
man's statement respond, but nothing came out. The cloak of
unconsciousness covered him, and he gratefully accepted it.
PLANET EXPRESS, NNY
"Blast this infernal contraption!"
The Professor's voice boomed through the laboratory. Never in
his 160+ years of existence had he been more angry than today. The
time machine's insides had been removed to facilitate a complete
overhaul. If Farnsworth couldn't get the damm thing working, Fry and
Leela were very boned. Not only was he angry with the results of the
experiment, but he was angry with the fact of trying to find
replacements in case Leela and Fry never returned. DOOP had been
recruiting large amounts of personnel to fill their depleted reserves
following one of Zapp Brannigan's Idiotic and useless campaigns, and
the market for replacement crews was slim pickings at best.
professor kept cursing even as Amy, Bender, Scruffy, and Zoidberg
entered. They looked at the ungodly mess around them.
the hell's with all the junk you old fart?" Bender snapped.
"Oh, one of my half-assed experiments backfired on me,"
Farnsworth replied not looking up from the wiring he was going
"Where's Fry and Leela?" Amy asked.
wha...?" The professor answered.
Amy sighed. "I said
where's Fry and Leela?"
Farnsworth's face lit up.
"Oh those two! I needed them to calibrate my time machine, but
the damm thing went haywire!" He pointed to the digital readout
on the time machine. "Apparently, they've gone back in time to
1968 during the Vietnam War!"
Zoidberg, and Scruffy's faces were a mix of shock and blank looks.
Bender had a "I could care less" look on his face. "So
what?" Bender replied as if everything was normal.
was incredulous. "Bender! What hell is the matter with you!"
she yelled. "We may never see Fry and Leela again!"
Bender muttered. "Ever since he made an ass of himself at that
stupid opera, he's been hanging out with the eyeball, and all
it's been is Leela this and Leela that! It sickens me!"
glared at the kleptomaniacal robot. If looks could kill, Bender B.
Rodriguez would be a pile of molten scrap metal. "I thought you
were Fry's best friend Bender? You're more cold
hearted than usual." Bender shot the intern a 'Get Bent'
look turned away to hide the trickle of tears coming off his visor.
Viet-Nam," Zoidberg asked trying to spell the name correctly.
"Vhat is it?"
this way," the Professor gestured over to a large bookcase. He
pulled a coffee table sized book caked in dust and blew on the cover.
A huge cloud up and everybody coughed, well the human side at least.
Amy and the others could still make out the gilded letters on the
faded leather cover: "WARS OF THE STUPID AGES BY STEPHEN
AMBROSE'S HEAD" He flipped past few pages until he came
across a photo of soldiers standing in a burned down village with the
bodies of dead women and children lying around. Amy cringed as she
read the caption. "American soldiers and journalists stand
over the remains of 300 Vietnamese men, women, and children following
the massacre at the the tiny of My Lai, March 16th 1968. This event
turned public opinion against the American government during the
Vietnam war. Some say it was the turning point of the war..."
She was in tears as she looked at the photo. She shuddered at the
thought of Fry and Leela being in the middle of this. The professor
turned a few more pages showing more photos. Planes showering the
jungle with liquid fire, tanks rumbling through streets, soldiers
with missing limbs, and the most poignant of all a soldier weeping
over his fallen buddy.
"This is all your fault, If it
wasn't for you Fry and Leela wouldn't be in this mess!" Her
words burned like scalding hot water. She walked over and shook the
Professor rapidly while screaming curses in Chinese. Scruffy grabbed
her arms while Zoidberg produced a sedative from his medical smock
and injected it into Amy's neck. She went limp. Scruffy grunted
in exertion as he carried Amy out the door into the employee lounge.
Zoidberg followed suit. All this was making him depressed. Maybe a
good meal in the dumpster would ease the pain. Bender, despite his
negative attitude towards others, Leela in particular looked down at
the floor in silence. Not since he flushed Nibbler down the toilet
and got that stupid empathy chip installed had he been deeply upset
you think they could…" Bender began.
don't know Bender," Farnsworth sighed. "I'll
try my best, but I can't guarantee anything." Bender
nodded and walked out. His foot cups clanking heavily on the floor.
thump thump of chopper blades caused Fry to bolt straight out of his
bed He looked around. The medical ward he and Leela had been
administered to was spotless The smell of disenfectant was noxious
but Fry tried to hide it. He had been drifting in an out of
consciousness ever since the helicopter brought the two of them here
a few days ago. His head throbbed heavily and he grimaced as he tried
to massage his temples. He looked to his right. Leela had been sound
asleep since she was brought here. She began to stir.
all right?" Fry asked thoughtfully
Leela grunted in pain
but she took it in stride as she propped herself up into a sitting
position. "Yeah never better," she replied with a laugh.
"My head's killing me."
"Yeah, I figured it
would," Fry replied. "The leader of those bastards who
captured us hit you in the back of the head with his pistol, so
you'll probably be feeling that for a while."
nodded. "Where are we?"
"We'll I think we're
on some sort of army base," Fry said. "I drifted in out of
consciousness, but we're definitely on some sort of military base."
He looked out the window behind him. He saw Helicopters on landing
pads, their crews lounging around the machines. Jeeps zooming around,
and troops in full combat gear or no gear at all wandering around.
Fry also too notice of the slit trenches, foxholes, and guard towers
with heavy machine guns manned and a the ready. Leela sighed heavily.
"What's wrong?" Fry asked.
Leela answered. "Its just...I don't know how we're going to get
out of this one.'
tear formed in her eye.
cry Leela," Fry said. "We've been through worse!"
Leela smiled at Fry encouraging words "I have to tell you
"What is it?"
took a long deep breath. "Fry I have appreciated everything
you've done for me. Stopping me from marrying that jerk Alkazar,
finding my parents, doing that opera for me despite that fact that
you didn't have the robot devil's hands anymore, so I just wan't to
say..." her voice trailed off.
"I love you, Fry."
made some un-intelligible sounds in his mouth. He sounded like Kif
whenever he was nervous.
"Fry?" Leela was a little
"You honestly love me?"
of course I've loved you ever since we first saw each other. It took
me a while to realize it though. You stood up to those bastards
broken ribs and all, and kicked all their asses single handedly. You
must've been possessed." She chuckled at her remark.
couldn't risk losing you Leela. Your the only friend I ever really
had. Bender too, but I'm more of a chump to him." He smiled
sound of footsteps brought Fry and Leela out of their reverie. They
looked on as two men in grey uniforms one with Sergeant's stripes and
the other with Lieutenant's bars on his cap approached their beds.
"Well, well, well L-tee," the Sergeant spoke first
"Looks like they're awake."
"How are feeling?"
The L.T. asked Leela.
"A bit better," Leela replied
with a smile.
"I guess we owe you our lives," Fry
said. "We'd be screwed if it we' rent for you."
"Don't mention it," The sergeant said happily. "By
the way, my names Sgt. Zeke Anderson, and this here's Lieutenant
Myron Goldman." Goldman casually waved to the two patients.
Goldman and Anderson tried not to stare for a long time at Leela' eye
so as not to offend her.
"I see," Leela replied
"Well, might as well get it over with. My name's Turanga Leela
of the Planet Express Delivery company and this here's my friend
Philip J. Fry."
"Turanga Leela?" Anderson said
"Planet Express Delivery Company?" Goldman
scratched his head.
Before Leela could continue, and ordely
came up from behind Anderson and Goldman as if by magic.
"What is it soldier?"
"C.O. wants to debrief you on the mission you went on
yesterday. He wants to talk with them," he pointed at Fry and
Leela. "Debriefing is at 2230 sir." Goldman nodded,
returned the soldier's salute and watched as he scurried off.
Anderson turned to the two strangers. "You going to be
alright to go through with this?"
"We'll be fine
Sergeant," Leela replied calmly.
"You can call me
Zeke," Anderson corrected her.
Goldman sighed. "We'll meet you two over at the C.O.'s hootch.
The orderly will take care of you"
The two men left
Leela and Fry behind and walked out into the sunlight.
understand any of what they said in there Sergeant?" Goldman
"I dunno L-tee," Anderson said. "And
just when I thought I understood this war..."
had fallen on the base when Fry and Leela were escorted into the
offices of Major Darling, the base commandant. The onset of night had
brought the temperature down a few degrees, but the humidity was
still bad. The orderly had given Fry and Leela some field jackets and
fatigues to replace their soiled and dirty clothes. During the walk
to the CO's quarters, Leela kept her head down to avoid
bringing attention to herself. A few soldiers paused to look at the
two newcomers, but walked off minding their own business. Fry
reassuringly put his arm around her shoulder to help comfort her, but
Leela respectfully declined. After a few minutes, they arrived at
their destination. They entered without making a sound. Wallace stood
up and motioned to them to sit down in the two chairs in front of his
desk. The Major sat down and opened a tan folder. He had just turned
a few pages when Anderson and Goldman entered and stood at attention
ease Lieutenant," Darling began. "You too Sergeant."
He took his eyes off the folder, and looked directly at Goldman. "I
received some vague details regarding the patrol you undertook
yesterday Lieutenant Perhaps you can give me your side of the story
as to what the hell went on out there." Goldman could sense the
annoyance in the Major's voice
sir," Goldman replied. He took a deep breath. "We had
just inserted ourselves about 30 clicks due east near the river in
search of the NVA supply dump you showed us in the recon photo."
Goldman looked over at a wall clock. "Upon discovering our
objective, we set up an ambush and waited for nightfall to strike."
you verify this Sergeant Anderson?"
came the reply. "We caught the enemy by surprise and basically
surprised the living hell of them." Anderson chuckled, but
wiped the smile away quickly. Fry and Leela sat in complete silence.
Leela fidgeted with her uniform as if contemplating in her head what
to say to the man in front of her. Fry in his normal self, gazed
around at all the military paraphernalia on the walls and shelves.
Plaques, photos, awards and commendations, and the like.
Ruiz took a hit in the neck but it wasn't serious. Our medic
patched him up."
you Sgt. Anderson," Major Darling nodded in acknowledgement and
turned back to Goldman. "Continue please Lieutenant."
sir," Goldman began. "We launched the attack. I ordered a heavy
suppressing fire while Sgt. Anderson flanked them and used grenades
and small arms fire to flush out any remaining troops." He
sighed. "We came across a heavy cache of weapons as well. AK's,
light machine guns, grenades, several RPG's, and some of those
high-powered sniper rifles Intel warned us about Plus, several
hundred rounds of ammunition and anti-personnel mines."
a haul," Darling replied.
sir," Anderson said.
the enemy NVA or Victor Charles?"
see," Darling sighed. "We've been getting a lot of
NVA activity along that route. That should put a dent in their supply
lines for a while." He looked at Fry and Leela. "I assume
it was at that point that you spotted our friends sitting here in
front of me."
sir," Goldman said. "They looked like the NVA had really
done a number on them. My medic worked as hard as he could to keep
them alive until we could evac them when we linked up with Lt.
face grinned with satisfaction. "Okay Lieutenant, Thank you for
your input." He looked at Fry with stare that made him freeze
solid. "What's your name son?" It was more of a
demand than a request
J. Fry sir."
are you from?"
Fry licked his lips.
spit it out son!"
Fry replied. Leela looked at him and mouthed the words "Manhattan?"
Darling, satisfied with his answer turned to Leela.
Turanga Leela," she hung her head down dejectedly at how stupid
Leela?" Darling replied exasperated, "What the hell kind
of name is that?" he murmured. Fry tried to speak in Leela's
defense, but she beat him to it.
name!? We get beaten to a pulp and nearly killed by those sick
bastards and all you can say is how STUPID MY NAME IS!?" Leela
bolted up straight out of her chair. She go up so fast, the cap that
she was wearing fell from her head and showed Major Darling why she
was hiding her face.
face went white as a sheet. It was a while before he spoke.
the hell is going on here Lieutenant?" Darling hissed. "Who
in the name of Jesus H. Christ are these people?"
we don't really know," Goldman replied. "All they
gave us were their names. The woman was delirious, and the man
passed out after we found 'em." Goldman had put on his
best professional face, while Anderson stood silently off to one side
in silence until his superior finished
are you from Miss Leela?" Darling said softly. "How the
hell did you get out there?"
we go Turanga, no turning back now. You might as well come out with
it," Leela thought. Lying to a guy like this would get her in some
serious trouble. She looked at her boots, and sighed heavily.
Yesterday's excitement was beginning to take their toll on her
there is no way to say this clearly," Leela began, "so,
I'll just come out with it. We're from the year 3000."
this is terrific," Darling said, his face dripping with
sarcasm. "Next thing you'll be telling me you're
from Saturn or something!"
true!" Fry blurted out without a thought of the consequences.
"We were experimenting with a Time machine in our time period,
and somehow, we ended up here!" Anderson and Goldman looked at
each other. Leela glared menacingly at Fry.
I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Anderson
tried to reply in turn, but the words got choked off in his throat. A
large explosion rocked the ground. The lights in the Major's
office flashed on and off Leela stumbled but Fry saw this and caught
her. Anderson looked outside the doorway A large column of flame and
smoke curled out of a large bunker like complex. Men frantically ran
around gathering their senses and scrambling to fight back. Black
Pyjama clad men with sacks of grenades and satchel charges ran amok
bringing death and destruction with them. An short, scrawny looking
private bathed in sweat paused in the Major's doorway.
in gods name is going on out there?" Darling bellowed.
We got sappers in the friggin wire!" The soldier panted
heavily. "They're going after the fuel depot!"
Get your squad over there goddamm it and push those bastards out of
sir!" Goldman barked. "Sergeant! Get Bravo company over
there double time!"
MY WAY L-TEE!" Anderson was practically out the door before
Goldman finished. Fry looked at Goldman and then at the Major.
it!" Darling snapped back. "You're not military
what are you thinking?" Leela snapped. "Are you itching
to get your head blown off or something?"
soldier appeared in the doorway he was wearing twin bars on his
collar. His uniform was covered in soot, and he had a nasty head
wound. In his Left hand was a M-16 and in his right an M-1911
We got NVA coming through the wire!!! They're overrunning the
else Captain Martindale?"
Martindale replied. "Delta and Charlie companies have been
wiped out! Those sons of bitches threw satchel charges into their
Darling slammed his hand down on his desk.
your orders!" Goldman said out loud over the din.
Major looked over at the two strange people in front of him. The man
with the orange-red hair and the one-eyed purple haired female. He
thought long and hard at what he was about to do.
Goldman, get these two over to the armory and get 'em some
weapons. We're gonna need all the help we can muster."
I'm not following you…" Goldman replied.
am temporarily assigning Mr. Fry and Miss Leela to your
platoon!" Darling said with exhaustion in his voice.
saluted his commanding officer and turned to his newest recruits.
"C'mon you two. Looks like you're gonna see some
action after all."
what do you think?" Fry asked.
boned," Leela said, "Definitely boned."
* - I know I know, Convenient huh?
** - This
and every other Fan Fic I write will take place after 4ACV18 'The
Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings' unless specified.