Fan Fiction

Green Hell
By Big Red

Green Hell: A Futurama/Tour of Duty Crossover

Part 1

Planet Express Building,
New New York,
July 10th 3004

It had been a rough week for the crew. Leela, Fry and Bender had just finished a delivery to Wolfenstein 3. The planet was ruled by the "Fourth" Reich, and Bender, in his usual self angered the leader of the New National Socialist Workers Party which coincidentally was a robot with the Brain of Adolf Hitler. The three employees escaped with their lives by the skin of their teeth, but the Planet Express ship took some serious missile and laser damage courtesy of the Spacewaffe. The crew were chilling out on the couch on the employee lounge when they heard the most horrible bone-chilling words since Jessica Simpson Version 4.0...

"Good News Everyone!" boomed Professor Farnsworth.

Fry and Bender groaned in unison. Fry comically slapped his forehead while Bender, with a flick of his wrist muted his volume. Leela sighed and looked up from the bestseller she was reading and looked into the 160 year-old man's wrinkled face.

"What is it now? Can't you see we're exhausted?"

"Oh bull-crap!" The Professor snapped, re-adjusting his glasses. "I have no time for your complaining Leela. I need you and Fry to help me with something in my laboratory."

"Wait hold up," Fry said. "Why can't Bender come and help us?"

"Because dammit!" Farnsworth grumbled "Bender has been working hard these past few weeks, and he deserves some time off!"

"Heh heh heh," Bender chuckled with pride. "See ya later skintubes." Bender turned away to his self-appointed "chumps" and lit a Zuban.

"Okay what do you want us to do?" Leela asked impatiently. She and Fry had made some reservations at Elzar's tonight. It would seem like a good way to relieve the stress and overwork of last week's shipments - If the Crackpot's latest foray didn't kill them first.

"Just stand over there for a second," the Professor pointed to a table of beakers and test tubes. Fry and Leela watched with mild interest as the Professor wheeled out a large object draped under a white sheet. He lifted one of the corners.

"Behold! MY TIME MACHINE!" He threw away the sheet revealing a porta-potty like structure with lots of dials switches and lights flashing like something out of Sci-Fi show from the stupid ages. In the top left hand corner there was a digital clock showing the present date and location in green LED numbers and letters.

"So what?" Fry said boringly "We've all seen it before..."

"You have?" Farnsworth replied quizzically.

"Yeah," Leela interjected. "That thing brought all those people from that 20th century TV show into our world. King of something I think." (See "I wish I were in Arlen" for details)

"Well anyway," the Professor continued not caring, "I've re-calibrated after the last incident, and.."

"You need guinea pigs right!?" Leela continued. "Why us Professor? Why can't you use Zoidberg? He's the expendable one!"

A moaning sound was heard outside the lab.

"Because I hate him!"

Another moan was heard.

"Did you hear something?" Fry asked.

"No," Leela replied. The Professor scooted over to the machine and opened a panel on the side. He began to tinker with some of the interior circuits.

"Now just a few more twists, and I should have this thing working at 100% power."

Suddenly, the machine began to whir and a blinding flash and thick smoke enveloped the room. After a few seconds the smoke cleared and the Professor stood hunched over the machine coughing heavily. After a few moments, he saw the unmistakable outline of Fry and Leela's silhouettes. It was something like those pictures taken after Hiroshima showing the outlines of people vaporized in the blast. The Professor looked around for any sign of his employees. He felt the icy hand of fear clasped around his shoulder. "Oh lord! now I'll have to fill out some more stupid ads for space captains and delivery boys in the want ads. I wish Hermes hadn't taken the week off..." A loud audible beeping sound jolted Farnsworth from his thoughts He turned and shuffled to the electronic readout on the screen above him. His eyes widened in horror.






"Oh my," the Professor said to himself softly His words made a deep echo in the silent room.

The buzzing of Insects and brought Leela to her senses. She stirred, but he head pounded fiercely, with a grunt, she propped herself up and rubbed her forehead vigorously to ease the headache. The pain coursing through her reminded her of Bender's birthday bash where she got completely hammered. Leela shook the thoughts of that awful and humiliating night from her mind and examined her surroundings.

Leela had been in some Jungles before on other planets, but this one defied belief. Thick canopy of trees blotted out the sun and shafts of sunlight poked through openings in the dense foliage. The air, like most jungles or rainforests, was hot and humid. Leela found it stifling. She rose to her feet and checked herself for injuries. There were none and in response she muttered a short prayer They say the worst thing happen to you in a place like this is to be injured. medical assistance would be non-existent.

"How long have I been out? Minutes? Hours? Where the hell am I?" The thoughts were racing through her brain like Formula 1 Hovercar at the Indy 5000. She looked around and noticed that Fry was missing. Aw crap, she muttered. Where the hell did he wander off to now? Leela looked around long and hard but she saw no trace of her friend.

"C'mon. a little closer you bastard..." she whispered to herself.

When she thought the time was right, Leela jumped out, tackled the stranger with the force of an NFL Quarterback and prepared to strike when she heard the man cry out in fear.

"Leela! What the hell are you doing!? It's me Fry!!!"

Leela froze. After what seemed like an eternity, the branch fell from her hands and she bent down at her friend and leaned in closer.

"Fry is that really you?"

"Yeah! Who else did you expect: Steve Austin Version 1.0?"

"Oh Fry," She leaned in closer as if to whisper to him and gave Fry a slap that echoed across the jungle Fry cringed in pain as he felt the mark of Leela's hand across his face

"Owww! What'd I do!?" he blurted out.

"What the hell we're you thinking Fry!' She sighed and put down the tree trunk, and began shaking him real hard. "God, don't sneak up on me like that! I could've killed you, you idiot!!!" Fry had a pained expression in his face.

"Leela I'm so, so sor-" His words were choked off in his throat as Leela planted her lips on his in a deep and meaningful kiss. Fry desperately tapped her shoulder in an attempt to get air into his lungs. She relented, and turned a shade of red at what she had just done. "Way to be impulsive, Turanga," she thought. "First you slap him and berate him for being wandering off like a little kid, then you suck face with him. God why can't you make up your mind? Do you love him or not?"

"Yes," Leela sighed.

"Yes what?" Fry asked while making a confused look with his eyes.

"Uhh…Nothing," Leela shot back. She shook herself to reality and returned to her default Captain mode. "Where did you go? Did you see anybody else?"

Fry shook his head. "I haven't seen anything that closely resembles civilization." He paused... "Hey! maybe we went back to the age of the dinosaurs!"

"God I hope not," Leela grimaced. The thought of outrunning a very P.O'ed T-Rex made a chill go down her spine.

"That would be so cool!" Fry trailed off. "They'd be like RRROOOARRRRR!!! and we'd be like AHHHHHH!!!! and the cavemen would be like-"


"Oh, sorry Leela" It was Fry's turn to be embarrassed. His face turned a shade of red.

Leela checked her Wrist-Lojack-Amater(TM) and began scanning the surrounding area with it. "Well, I'm not picking up any other life forms..." She tensed up in fear.

"What is it?" Fry asked. He peered over Leela's shoulder.

"We got contacts moving a few yards away they're heading right for us! Hide!" She and Fry took cover behind a large log and a jumble of rocks* in the hopes of avoiding detection

"Keep quiet Fry," Leela warned.

"I'm trying to!" Fry whispered

The minutes ticked by. To Fry, they felt like hours. Soon the shapes of human forms dressed in Khaki materialized out of the foliage like phantoms out of a Yorkshire moor. Many of them wore tropical style pith helmets with stars in the middle or field caps. They shouldered an assortment of weapons not seen for over a thousand years...Projectile weapons. They had East Asian facial features and were lugging machine guns, assault rifles and a nasty looking tube with a high explosive warhead on one end. The lead man put his hand up as a signal and the others in line stopped in unison. Leela watched carefully as they continued their march. They were so close, that she could smell the stench of fish on their breath and the odor of sweat and muck escaping from their rumpled uniforms. It was like being in a room with a bunch of Zoidbergs. She breathed a sigh of relief as the last of them passed by.

" Man, that was close one," Fry thought. Then he heard the snapping sounds of twigs breaking. He looked around and saw that the twigs were under his feet. He felt sick. In a moment, ten, maybe more automatic rifles cocked, loaded, and with the safety catches off were aimed at Fry and Leela's foreheads. Realizing there was no way out, Fry and Leela pathetically put up their hands. Two soldiers reached over and hauled them to their feet. Leela looked down at the ground so as to not attract attention to herself. One of the soldiers however gaped at Leela's face. The others faces were a mix of shock, and repulse at what was standing before them. They began to make jokes in their native tongue and laugh at the two prisoners they had just captured. Fry wanted to do something, but he thought twice when he felt the barrel of a rifle being prodded into his ribs. All was silent until an officer stepped forward and began to jabber in his native tongue at the troops clustered around him.

"I wish Amy were here," Leela muttered. The previous sentence must have grabbed the officer's attention because in a flash Leela felt the back of an assault rifle striking her in the back of the head. She cried out in pain and fell to her knees with a dull thud.

"You sonofabitch!!!" Fry spat venomously. One of the men aimed his weapon directly at Fry's forehead. The soldier gave an "I dare you smile," so cold Fry felt he was shivering. The Officer spoke again and the two prisoners were hauled to their feet. Next, their Hands were bound with rope and were forced to march with their captors struggling to keep themselves from keeling over. They were prodded along with loaded rifles and shouts of "didi mau!!! didi mau!!!" Fry felt that expression being tattooed onto his brain with a wood burner. Leela's head was throbbing heavily She could not keep her balance, and she plopped down the ground exhausted and in obvious pain. It hurt Fry to see his best friend in this condition. One of the soldiers started kicking her in the kidneys to get her moving.

The trek to the NVA supply camp was a grueling one for Fry and Leela. Along the way, they constantly endured the pain of having the muzzles of automatic rifles jabbed into their sides in order to hurry them up. For Fry it was worse; The enemy had broken two of his ribs during the march, and every time he breathed, his voice sounded something like a diseased smoker on his last gasp. Leela cringed every time Fry wheezed. Her head pounded heavily. The bad head wound she sustained at the hands of her captors was killing her. She wanted desperately to relieve the pain, but her hands were tied behind her back and she had a rope around her neck in order to keep her from escaping. Fry was trussed up in a similar way, and the soldiers took great pleasure in pushing them along like two stray dogs going to the pound.

The heat was absolutely unbearable, and the canopy of trees did very little to alleviate the stress and fatigue of the two hapless time travelers. Even when they finally arrived at the camp, their suffering did not end. The sound of thunder rolled across the jungle, and as if on cue from some other being, a torrential downpour of rain soaked them to the bone. The soldiers didn't appear to mind. Leela figured that months of sleeping on in the dirt and muck of this hellhole numbed their senses. One of the soldiers, a scrawny 20 something year old kid with a gap in his teeth eyed Leela's rain-saturated tank top. She looked down and saw that the outline of her breasts showed behind the fabric. Her eye narrowed in anger, and she shot the aroused soldier the biggest "Drop F***ing Dead" look in her life. Fry was too exhausted and wracked with pain to care anymore. He plopped down on his knees into the muck which covered his jeans. The soldiers began to kick him in order to get him back on his feet.

"For god's sake, he's hurt!" Leela pleaded. For her troubles, the patrol's leader came up and suckered punched Leela in the solar plexus. Leela gasped for oxygen and collapsed into the mud. She felt the rope "collar" dig into her neck The soldiers just stood by with amused smiles. After a few moments they were pushed-shoved is a more better description- into a crudely constructed bamboo hut. There, Fry and Leela were introduced to a round-faced Asian man whose uniform was be-decked with several medals. On his hip was a Tokarev semi-automatic pistol nestled in a leather holster. He grinned as he lit a cigarette and blew the smoke in Leela's face.

"That stuff will kill you one of these days," Fry chuckled despite his present situation. Leela tried to keep a straight face. The officer was not amused, and rewarded Fry with a punch to his shattered ribs. He fell screaming in pain. Leela closed her eye which began to get red with the tears streaming down her face. The officer looked straight at Fry's broken body and directly into Leela's face.

"Who are you?" The officer asked.

"Uhhh..." Leela tried to think of something but was cut off as the officer began to hit her repeatedly in the face, leaving a series of purplelish bruises, angry red welts, and blood gushing from her brow, nostrils, and mouth.

"I'm not going to ask you again, American pig!" The officer screamed into Leela's ear with rage. "Who are you!?"

Leela spat a mouthful of blood into the man's face. "Go f*** yourself @$$hole," she hissed. The officer continued to pummel her until her face was hideously bruised and scarred. Her eye was swollen to the size of a cantaloupe from the beatings, and covered in blood. Fry felt tears welling up in his eyes. He wanted to nothing better to do than reach up and rip the f***ing man's head off his shoulders but he was powerless.

"I cant do anything to save her," he sobbed. "She's going to die because of me, and I can't do a goddamm thing to save her."

"What hell's wrong with you people!" Fry screamed "We're human beings for God's sake!!!" One of the guards kicked Fry in the stomach cutting off his speech. He sank back to floor writhing in pain. He wished that the officer would put a bullet in his head right now and get it over with it.

"You do not wish to co-operate freak?" The officer asked vehemently. "Very well then," he pointed to one of the two guards in the tiny room. "We'll see how resilient you are after this." The guards hauled Leela to her feet and tied her hands to a supporting beam in the hut. The officer bent down to a chest and pulled out a cylindrical object. It was an acetylene blowtorch.

"You sick bastard!" Fry wept. "You cowardly piece of s***!" The officer ignored him and lit the torch. He smiled again as a blue flame came spurting out the nozzle. Leela struggled against her bonds but it was useless. The flame began to singe her skin. She cried out in pain. Never in her years of being a spaceship captain had she shown fear, but now she was terrified. "FRY!!! HELP ME!!!" Leela wept uncontrollably.

Fry was beside himself. Then the little voices inside his head began talking.

"Goddamit Fry! get off your ass and save her!!! "

"I can't!" he cried. Leela's screams pierced his eardrums like knitting needles.

"You lazy SOB! She NEEDS you! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHHHHHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "


The next few seconds were all a blur. It was like the events at the museum when he drank 100 cups of coffee. Somehow. Someway. By some extraordinary feat of endurance which Fry felt was all but gone, he grabbed the assault rifle of the guard nearest to him and ventilated the man with an entire clip of 7.62mm ammo. The bastard was cut in two. His blood and intestinal tract stained the ground The second guard suffered the agony of receiving five rounds of high-velocity ammo imbedded into his skull. The man's head disappeared as it was cleanly shot away revealing a rotting stump of muscle and viscera stained crimson, but showing a piece of arctic white vertebrae.

The officer dropped the still glowing blowtorch and fumbled for the Tokarev at his hip. Leela, seeing what happened delivered a devastating kick to the surprised man's jaw. Her heavy duty boots shattered his jaw. The officer dropped to the ground writhing in pain. However, he managed to summon the strength to un-holster his side arm and aimed it directly at Leela's forehead.

"Oh no," Fry gasped. He frantically searched around until he saw the blowtorch lying on the ground still emitting flame. He reached over and kicked the officer in the groin. Fry brought the blowtorch to his tormentor's face, smiled wickedly as the flame seared the officer's face, melting his skin. The loaded pistol dropped uselessly from his hands. Fry, with absolute hatred in his eyes grabbed the gun, and promptly shot the man in the head. "Adios motherf***er, better you than me," Fry chuckled to himself. He snapped out of his 'rage mode,' and searched around the un-godly mess of blood and body parts until he finally saw what he was looking for. A bayonet attached to the web belt of one of the dead guards. He unsheathed it, and used it to cut his bonds. He repeated the Process with Leela. She fell into his arms like a sack of wet cement. Fry grunted and cursed as he hauled Leela to her feet and dragged her out into the pouring rain.

"You hold on dammit," Fry snapped at a semi-conscious Leela. "Don't you even think of letting go Leela," He said. Fry had never showed determination before in his life, but the sight of the one person he cared about most being tortured by those sadists changed him. He wasn't just an idiotic delivery boy from the stupid ages anymore.

Fry's pep talk was interrupted by the sounds of shouts and of gunfire. Fry took cover behind some oil barrels and looked on in amazement and shock as the remaining NVA patrol was ambushed. Bullets tore the mud and rain soaked pathways apart. Bodies gyrated and blood spewed from dime sized holes in the unfortunate men's bodies. Grenades were thrown. Fry covered Leela's body and crouched down to avoid the rain of shrapnel and body parts that flew through the air like Blernsballs at a NNY Yankees game. The gunfire chattered on for about a few minutes, and suddenly died away, leaving only the sound of the rain falling down incessantly.

Fry looked up from his hiding place, and stared with wide open eyes at a large group of men dressed in OD fatigues with grenades, bandoleers of ammo slung over their bodies, and an assortment of assault rifles and machine guns strapped to them. One of the men, a tall, rugged looking guy with a OD bandanna was talking to a skinny looking soldier with a serious 5 O'clock shadow on his face.

"L-tee, We better get moving," one of the two guys said. "Charlie's going to be wondering where all that noise came from."

"Okay Sergeant," L-tee sighed "Check that hootch for intelligence and then get the rest of the men to move out," He pointed directly at the place where Fry and Leela were hiding.

"Aw crap," Fry muttered. He looked over at Leela. Her breathing was shallow and only soft moans came from her mouth. Fry fought back tears in his eyes.

Suddenly, one of the newcomers sighted Fry's hair poking out behind the oil barrels.

"Sarge! L-tee!" the man yelled. "We got live one's!"

"Charlie?" another soldier asked.

"No! Looks like they're ours," he replied. The man leaned in closer. "Holy s***! This ones only got one eye L-tee!"

"I'm not in the mood for jokes Percell!" L-tee snapped.

"What the hell's your problem Danny? You seeing things again man."

"Shut up Taylor!" He turned to the Sarge. "I swear to god, she's a freakin' Cyclops!"

"A what!?" Taylor asked.

Fry tried to the man's statement respond, but nothing came out. The cloak of unconsciousness covered him, and he gratefully accepted it.

Part 2


"Blast this infernal contraption!"

The Professor's voice boomed through the laboratory. Never in his 160+ years of existence had he been more angry than today. The time machine's insides had been removed to facilitate a complete overhaul. If Farnsworth couldn't get the damm thing working, Fry and Leela were very boned. Not only was he angry with the results of the experiment, but he was angry with the fact of trying to find replacements in case Leela and Fry never returned. DOOP had been recruiting large amounts of personnel to fill their depleted reserves following one of Zapp Brannigan's Idiotic and useless campaigns, and the market for replacement crews was slim pickings at best.

The professor kept cursing even as Amy, Bender, Scruffy, and Zoidberg entered. They looked at the ungodly mess around them.

"What the hell's with all the junk you old fart?" Bender snapped.

"Oh, one of my half-assed experiments backfired on me," Farnsworth replied not looking up from the wiring he was going through.

"Where's Fry and Leela?" Amy asked.

"Eh wha...?" The professor answered.

Amy sighed. "I said where's Fry and Leela?"

Farnsworth's face lit up. "Oh those two! I needed them to calibrate my time machine, but the damm thing went haywire!" He pointed to the digital readout on the time machine. "Apparently, they've gone back in time to 1968 during the Vietnam War!"

Amy, Zoidberg, and Scruffy's faces were a mix of shock and blank looks. Bender had a "I could care less" look on his face. "So what?" Bender replied as if everything was normal.

Amy was incredulous. "Bender! What hell is the matter with you!" she yelled. "We may never see Fry and Leela again!"

"So?" Bender muttered. "Ever since he made an ass of himself at that stupid opera, he's been hanging out with the eyeball, and all it's been is Leela this and Leela that! It sickens me!"

Amy glared at the kleptomaniacal robot. If looks could kill, Bender B. Rodriguez would be a pile of molten scrap metal. "I thought you were Fry's best friend Bender? You're more cold hearted than usual." Bender shot the intern a 'Get Bent' look turned away to hide the trickle of tears coming off his visor.

"This Viet-Nam," Zoidberg asked trying to spell the name correctly. "Vhat is it?"

"Step this way," the Professor gestured over to a large bookcase. He pulled a coffee table sized book caked in dust and blew on the cover. A huge cloud up and everybody coughed, well the human side at least. Amy and the others could still make out the gilded letters on the faded leather cover: "WARS OF THE STUPID AGES BY STEPHEN AMBROSE'S HEAD" He flipped past few pages until he came across a photo of soldiers standing in a burned down village with the bodies of dead women and children lying around. Amy cringed as she read the caption. "American soldiers and journalists stand over the remains of 300 Vietnamese men, women, and children following the massacre at the the tiny of My Lai, March 16th 1968. This event turned public opinion against the American government during the Vietnam war. Some say it was the turning point of the war..." She was in tears as she looked at the photo. She shuddered at the thought of Fry and Leela being in the middle of this. The professor turned a few more pages showing more photos. Planes showering the jungle with liquid fire, tanks rumbling through streets, soldiers with missing limbs, and the most poignant of all a soldier weeping over his fallen buddy.

"This is all your fault, If it wasn't for you Fry and Leela wouldn't be in this mess!" Her words burned like scalding hot water. She walked over and shook the Professor rapidly while screaming curses in Chinese. Scruffy grabbed her arms while Zoidberg produced a sedative from his medical smock and injected it into Amy's neck. She went limp. Scruffy grunted in exertion as he carried Amy out the door into the employee lounge. Zoidberg followed suit. All this was making him depressed. Maybe a good meal in the dumpster would ease the pain. Bender, despite his negative attitude towards others, Leela in particular looked down at the floor in silence. Not since he flushed Nibbler down the toilet and got that stupid empathy chip installed had he been deeply upset or saddened.

"Do you think they could…" Bender began.

"I don't know Bender," Farnsworth sighed. "I'll try my best, but I can't guarantee anything." Bender nodded and walked out. His foot cups clanking heavily on the floor.

The thump thump of chopper blades caused Fry to bolt straight out of his bed He looked around. The medical ward he and Leela had been administered to was spotless The smell of disenfectant was noxious but Fry tried to hide it. He had been drifting in an out of consciousness ever since the helicopter brought the two of them here a few days ago. His head throbbed heavily and he grimaced as he tried to massage his temples. He looked to his right. Leela had been sound asleep since she was brought here. She began to stir.

"You all right?" Fry asked thoughtfully

Leela grunted in pain but she took it in stride as she propped herself up into a sitting position. "Yeah never better," she replied with a laugh. "My head's killing me."

"Yeah, I figured it would," Fry replied. "The leader of those bastards who captured us hit you in the back of the head with his pistol, so you'll probably be feeling that for a while."

Leela simply nodded. "Where are we?"

"We'll I think we're on some sort of army base," Fry said. "I drifted in out of consciousness, but we're definitely on some sort of military base." He looked out the window behind him. He saw Helicopters on landing pads, their crews lounging around the machines. Jeeps zooming around, and troops in full combat gear or no gear at all wandering around. Fry also too notice of the slit trenches, foxholes, and guard towers with heavy machine guns manned and a the ready. Leela sighed heavily.

"What's wrong?" Fry asked.

"I dunno," Leela answered. "Its just...I don't know how we're going to get out of this one.'

A tear formed in her eye.

"Don't cry Leela," Fry said. "We've been through worse!"

Leela smiled at Fry encouraging words "I have to tell you something Fry."

"What is it?"

Leela took a long deep breath. "Fry I have appreciated everything you've done for me. Stopping me from marrying that jerk Alkazar, finding my parents, doing that opera for me despite that fact that you didn't have the robot devil's hands anymore, so I just wan't to say..." her voice trailed off.

"Yeah?" Fry asked inquisitively

"I love you, Fry."

Fry made some un-intelligible sounds in his mouth. He sounded like Kif whenever he was nervous.

"Fry?" Leela was a little concerned

"You honestly love me?"

"Yes, of course I've loved you ever since we first saw each other. It took me a while to realize it though. You stood up to those bastards broken ribs and all, and kicked all their asses single handedly. You must've been possessed." She chuckled at her remark.

"I...I couldn't risk losing you Leela. Your the only friend I ever really had. Bender too, but I'm more of a chump to him." He smiled warmly.

The sound of footsteps brought Fry and Leela out of their reverie. They looked on as two men in grey uniforms one with Sergeant's stripes and the other with Lieutenant's bars on his cap approached their beds.

"Well, well, well L-tee," the Sergeant spoke first "Looks like they're awake."

"How are feeling?" The L.T. asked Leela.

"A bit better," Leela replied with a smile.

"I guess we owe you our lives," Fry said. "We'd be screwed if it we' rent for you."

"Don't mention it," The sergeant said happily. "By the way, my names Sgt. Zeke Anderson, and this here's Lieutenant Myron Goldman." Goldman casually waved to the two patients. Goldman and Anderson tried not to stare for a long time at Leela' eye so as not to offend her.

"I see," Leela replied "Well, might as well get it over with. My name's Turanga Leela of the Planet Express Delivery company and this here's my friend Philip J. Fry."

"Turanga Leela?" Anderson said slowly.

"Planet Express Delivery Company?" Goldman scratched his head.

Before Leela could continue, and ordely came up from behind Anderson and Goldman as if by magic.


"What is it soldier?"

"C.O. wants to debrief you on the mission you went on yesterday. He wants to talk with them," he pointed at Fry and Leela. "Debriefing is at 2230 sir." Goldman nodded, returned the soldier's salute and watched as he scurried off.

Anderson turned to the two strangers. "You going to be alright to go through with this?"

"We'll be fine Sergeant," Leela replied calmly.

"You can call me Zeke," Anderson corrected her.

"Alright," Goldman sighed. "We'll meet you two over at the C.O.'s hootch. The orderly will take care of you"

The two men left Leela and Fry behind and walked out into the sunlight.

"You understand any of what they said in there Sergeant?" Goldman asked.

"I dunno L-tee," Anderson said. "And just when I thought I understood this war..."

Darkness had fallen on the base when Fry and Leela were escorted into the offices of Major Darling, the base commandant. The onset of night had brought the temperature down a few degrees, but the humidity was still bad. The orderly had given Fry and Leela some field jackets and fatigues to replace their soiled and dirty clothes. During the walk to the CO's quarters, Leela kept her head down to avoid bringing attention to herself. A few soldiers paused to look at the two newcomers, but walked off minding their own business. Fry reassuringly put his arm around her shoulder to help comfort her, but Leela respectfully declined. After a few minutes, they arrived at their destination. They entered without making a sound. Wallace stood up and motioned to them to sit down in the two chairs in front of his desk. The Major sat down and opened a tan folder. He had just turned a few pages when Anderson and Goldman entered and stood at attention

"At ease Lieutenant," Darling began. "You too Sergeant." He took his eyes off the folder, and looked directly at Goldman. "I received some vague details regarding the patrol you undertook yesterday Lieutenant Perhaps you can give me your side of the story as to what the hell went on out there." Goldman could sense the annoyance in the Major's voice

"Yes sir," Goldman replied. He took a deep breath. "We had just inserted ourselves about 30 clicks due east near the river in search of the NVA supply dump you showed us in the recon photo." Goldman looked over at a wall clock. "Upon discovering our objective, we set up an ambush and waited for nightfall to strike."

"Can you verify this Sergeant Anderson?"

"Yessir," came the reply. "We caught the enemy by surprise and basically surprised the living hell of them." Anderson chuckled, but wiped the smile away quickly. Fry and Leela sat in complete silence. Leela fidgeted with her uniform as if contemplating in her head what to say to the man in front of her. Fry in his normal self, gazed around at all the military paraphernalia on the walls and shelves. Plaques, photos, awards and commendations, and the like.

"Any casualties?"

"Specialist Ruiz took a hit in the neck but it wasn't serious. Our medic patched him up."

"Thank you Sgt. Anderson," Major Darling nodded in acknowledgement and turned back to Goldman. "Continue please Lieutenant."

"Well sir," Goldman began. "We launched the attack. I ordered a heavy suppressing fire while Sgt. Anderson flanked them and used grenades and small arms fire to flush out any remaining troops." He sighed. "We came across a heavy cache of weapons as well. AK's, light machine guns, grenades, several RPG's, and some of those high-powered sniper rifles Intel warned us about Plus, several hundred rounds of ammunition and anti-personnel mines."

"Quite a haul," Darling replied.

"Yes sir," Anderson said.

"We're the enemy NVA or Victor Charles?"

"NVA sir."

"I see," Darling sighed. "We've been getting a lot of NVA activity along that route. That should put a dent in their supply lines for a while." He looked at Fry and Leela. "I assume it was at that point that you spotted our friends sitting here in front of me."

"Yes sir," Goldman said. "They looked like the NVA had really done a number on them. My medic worked as hard as he could to keep them alive until we could evac them when we linked up with Lt. McKay's chopper."

Darling's face grinned with satisfaction. "Okay Lieutenant, Thank you for your input." He looked at Fry with stare that made him freeze solid. "What's your name son?" It was more of a demand than a request

"Uhh…Philip J. Fry sir."

"Where are you from?"

"Uhhh…." Fry licked his lips.

"C'mon spit it out son!"

"Manhattan," Fry replied. Leela looked at him and mouthed the words "Manhattan?" Fry shrugged.

Darling, satisfied with his answer turned to Leela. "And you?"

"Uhh…Leela, Turanga Leela," she hung her head down dejectedly at how stupid she sounded.

"Turanga Leela?" Darling replied exasperated, "What the hell kind of name is that?" he murmured. Fry tried to speak in Leela's defense, but she beat him to it.

"My name!? We get beaten to a pulp and nearly killed by those sick bastards and all you can say is how STUPID MY NAME IS!?" Leela bolted up straight out of her chair. She go up so fast, the cap that she was wearing fell from her head and showed Major Darling why she was hiding her face.

Darling's face went white as a sheet. It was a while before he spoke.

"What the hell is going on here Lieutenant?" Darling hissed. "Who in the name of Jesus H. Christ are these people?"

"Sir we don't really know," Goldman replied. "All they gave us were their names. The woman was delirious, and the man passed out after we found 'em." Goldman had put on his best professional face, while Anderson stood silently off to one side in silence until his superior finished

"Where are you from Miss Leela?" Darling said softly. "How the hell did you get out there?"

"Here we go Turanga, no turning back now. You might as well come out with it," Leela thought. Lying to a guy like this would get her in some serious trouble. She looked at her boots, and sighed heavily. Yesterday's excitement was beginning to take their toll on her and Fry.

"Sir there is no way to say this clearly," Leela began, "so, I'll just come out with it. We're from the year 3000."

"Oh this is terrific," Darling said, his face dripping with sarcasm. "Next thing you'll be telling me you're from Saturn or something!"

"Its true!" Fry blurted out without a thought of the consequences. "We were experimenting with a Time machine in our time period, and somehow, we ended up here!" Anderson and Goldman looked at each other. Leela glared menacingly at Fry.

"L-tee, I don't think we're in Kansas anymore," Anderson said slowly.

Darling tried to reply in turn, but the words got choked off in his throat. A large explosion rocked the ground. The lights in the Major's office flashed on and off Leela stumbled but Fry saw this and caught her. Anderson looked outside the doorway A large column of flame and smoke curled out of a large bunker like complex. Men frantically ran around gathering their senses and scrambling to fight back. Black Pyjama clad men with sacks of grenades and satchel charges ran amok bringing death and destruction with them. An short, scrawny looking private bathed in sweat paused in the Major's doorway.

"What in gods name is going on out there?" Darling bellowed.

"Sir! We got sappers in the friggin wire!" The soldier panted heavily. "They're going after the fuel depot!"

"Lieutenant! Get your squad over there goddamm it and push those bastards out of there now!!!"

"Yes sir!" Goldman barked. "Sergeant! Get Bravo company over there double time!"

"ON MY WAY L-TEE!" Anderson was practically out the door before Goldman finished. Fry looked at Goldman and then at the Major. "Sir-"

"Forget it!" Darling snapped back. "You're not military personnel!"

"Fry what are you thinking?" Leela snapped. "Are you itching to get your head blown off or something?"

Another soldier appeared in the doorway he was wearing twin bars on his collar. His uniform was covered in soot, and he had a nasty head wound. In his Left hand was a M-16 and in his right an M-1911 sidearm.

"Sir! We got NVA coming through the wire!!! They're overrunning the forward defenses!"

"Anything else Captain Martindale?"

"Yessir!" Martindale replied. "Delta and Charlie companies have been wiped out! Those sons of bitches threw satchel charges into their hootches."

"Dammit!" Darling slammed his hand down on his desk.

"Sir, your orders!" Goldman said out loud over the din.

The Major looked over at the two strange people in front of him. The man with the orange-red hair and the one-eyed purple haired female. He thought long and hard at what he was about to do.

"Lieutenant Goldman, get these two over to the armory and get 'em some weapons. We're gonna need all the help we can muster."

"Sir I'm not following you…" Goldman replied.

"I am temporarily assigning Mr. Fry and Miss Leela to your platoon!" Darling said with exhaustion in his voice.

Goldman saluted his commanding officer and turned to his newest recruits. "C'mon you two. Looks like you're gonna see some action after all."

"So what do you think?" Fry asked.

"We're boned," Leela said, "Definitely boned."




* - I know I know, Convenient huh?

** - This and every other Fan Fic I write will take place after 4ACV18 'The Devil's Hands are Idle Playthings' unless specified.