Fan Fiction

It Never Lasts, part 6
By Go-a-Green-a

Delivering The Velor Package To The Velor Freak

Leela flew the spaceship over to the Nimbus and groaned. Stupid Zapp and his velor obsession.... Okay so I'll go in, drop of the package and get out as quickly as possible. No distractions. She told herself. Then I have to find Fry.

She boarded with the Nimbus and entered quickly.

Kif walked up to her but before he could say anything she shoved the package in his hands. "Give this to Mr.Obsessive and I'll be going."

"Um... uh.." Kif stuttered.

"Just go before he finds out that I'm-"

Just then Zapp stepped out from behind a wall.

"-Here...." Leela finished.

"Why hello my precious purple dove. Come crawling back at last?"

"Hardly. Just take your damn socks and let me go." She indicated towards the box Kif was holding.

"What? Those aren't socks that was just a cover st- I mean. Yes... my package.... Very good." He grabbed the box and placed it carefully on a table.

Leela narrowed her eye suspiciously but started to turn around. "Well then.... bye, hope to never see you again."

"Oh we'll meet again. You'll be seeing lots of the Zapper when the wars start."

"I won't if I gauge my eye out...." She mumbled as she headed back for her ship.

Back on Earth....

Fry looked all around P.E for Leela. "Leela? You here?" He called.

"Why are you looking for Leela?" Michelle asked, stepping in front of him.

Fry quickly folded the note and shoved it in his pocket. "I just, uh... I just need to ask her something...."

"Ask her what?" Michelle was getting impatient.

"Um... just... If she uh, wanted to come to our wedding...."

"Well I already sent out invitations."

"Did you send one to her?"

"No. I decided it would be best if she didn't come."

"What!? Why?"

Michelle shrugged. "Didn't think she'd want to. Anyway come on, Fry. Lets get back to the apartment. The wedding's only a week away and tomorrow we have to start getting food arrangements done and so on. Comeon!" She grabbed his arm and practically dragged him all the way back.

Later At The Apartment...

Fry sighed, sitting on the couch. He did not want to be in the same room as Michelle let alone the same bed. God, how the hell am I gonna fix this?

Michelle entered the room, yawning. "Fry, aren't you coming?"

"In a minute, just go back to sleep."

"Fine, see you in the morning."

Fry sighed again, looking over the note one more time. I wonder if she still feels that way....

Over To Zapp...

"Um, sir... there seems to be a problem." Kif said, entering Zapp's quarters.

Zapp grunted, struggling to get into his uniform after his shower. "You're damn right there is! You shrunk my best uniform!" He finally managed to get into it only it is much... tighter than usual and the "skirt" is higher.

Kif shielded his eyes and shuddered. "Um, yes. I'll get you a new one but the real problem is the Omecronian empire has decided to start the war earlier."

"How much earlier?"

"By the end of this week."

"Well then warn the men."

"And women."

"Right... Well, go tell them they'll all die earlier in this pointless war and get going on getting that new uniform!"

Kif sighed and started emailing out the notices. I still don't understand how he's the captain....

Leela Gets A Rather Unfortunate Email

Leela quickly landed the spaceship and started looking around for Fry. "Hello? Anybody here?"

Zoidberg ran up to her. "Zoidberg is here!"

"Have you seen Fry around?"

"No he left quite a while ago. But Zoidberg's still here!"

"Damn!" She raced for the door.

Zoidberg looked down. "Aww..."

Leela opened the door and looked around. She sighed. "Well I'll just have to catch him tomorrow...." She started on her way to her apartment when her Wrist-O-Matic 5000 buzzed.

"You have mail." It said with an electronic voice.

"As long as its not spam...." She pushed a button and opened the email.

Sorry to inform you but the wars you will be fighting in will be starting much sooner than expected. You will be called on by the end of this week.

Sorry for the inconvenience.

"Well that's just perfect...." Leela sighed, closing the email.

She arrived at her apartment and opened the door only to find Bender going through her stuff once more.

"Uh... it wasn't me. It was ghosts. I was just, uh....warding them off." He quickly shoved a pillow in his chest and stood up.

Leela sighed. "Well they're gone now so leave."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm gone. Oh by the way Fry was looking for you."

"What? What did he want?"

Bender shrugged. "I dunno. I had more important things to do than listen in on everything. Well see ya." He called over his shoulder as he walked off.

Leela rolled her eye and went into her bedroom, being sure to lock all doors tightly.

The Next Day....

Fry woke up on the couch and looked around, trying to remember where he was. "Where am I again?"

Michelle's voice rang out through the apartment. "Get up already! Jeez!" She yelled.

"Oh now I remember. I'm in Hell." He got dressed quickly and raced out the door before Michelle could scream some more.

He limped down the hallway, his foot still feeling like it was stepped on by the Hulk because he hadn't had time to get it checked.

Just before he arrived at P.E Fry felt like there was something he was forgetting. He searched his pockets.


"Oh, crap! The note!" He turned around and started to run back to the apartment and grab it when who should he run into but Michelle.

And in her hand was a crumpled up piece of notepaper.

"This is gonna cost me...." Fry said quietly.

Leela Listens In

Leela was on her way to P.E when she noticed Fry and Michelle talking -and Michelle did not sound happy. Then again, she never does.

"Would you mind telling me why this-" She pointed to a crumpled piece of paper- "was on the couch?"

Fry was trying hard to sound innocent. "Its only a note... it-it doesn't mean anything" The way he looked down and stuttered in his speech indicated to Leela that the note possibly did mean something.

Michelle wasn't convinced either. "Then why'd you keep it?"

"I-I um... I dunno, I just thought maybe it would be a good thing to keep."

"Now why the hell would it be good? It can't mean anything now, you're with me!" Michelle made her "I'm gonna kill you" face but Fry didn't flinch this time.

"I am. So why are you threatened?" Fry said, with a burst of courage.

"I-" Michelle was caught off guard. "I'm not. Just wondering why you'd keep it. What value could it be to you?"

Fry hesitated, then: "N...None. No value at all."

"Then you wouldn't mind if I did this:" She started to rip up the note.

Fry clenched his teeth. "N-no, it doesn't bother me."

Michelle ripped the note in half and Fry stood his ground but inside he felt like part of him was being torn as well, he wanted to scream Stop! but he couldn't. Not when he was finally standing his ground against Michelle.

But Leela didn't know this. All she saw was Fry standing emotionless as Michelle ripped up the note.

And she had a pretty good feeling as to which note that was.

Fry could only barely stop himself from shaking.

Michelle smirked. "The wedding's still on in case you're wondering. I'm not very happy with you but I won't stop the wedding. Don't worry."

"Great..." Fry said with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Oh by the way, you got an email. The war's gonna be held sooner so we'll have to have our wedding sooner."

"What? How much sooner."

"In two days. We'll have it on Wednesday, giving us Thursday for the honeymoon then off to war on Friday."

"What a fun week..." Fry muttered under his breath.

"Yep, now come on we have to go work it out with the people at the Madison Cube Garden. Come on!" Then she noticed Fry's limping. "What's wrong with your foot?"


"Well then get it fixed! But first we gotta work the wedding out."

"Great advise...." Fry said quietly and sarcastically.

She lead the way and Fry reluctantly followed at a distance, careful to grab one of the halves of the note that was fluttering in the wind as he passed by it.

Of course Leela didn't see. She sighed and headed over to Planet Express. Guess he really is over me.... She glanced back and watched him limp away.

But are you over him? A voice seemed to ask.

Yes, of course. I never really was that into him anyway, so I'm fine with all this....

You sure?...

No. She sighed again and headed over to P.E.

On her way she noticed a piece of paper floating on the wind. She grabbed it quickly.

A half of the note.

Well... I may as well keep it. As a reminder to be more careful with who I date, no more people like Sean.... She shoved it in a compartment in her Wrist-O-Matic.

I wonder where the second half went.... She couldn't help wondering as she entered P.E.

Cold Feet

"Well its the day before your wedding, buddy." Bender said as he walked into the lounge. "That means Bachelor Party. And Bachelor Party means booze" He lifted up a case of beer. "More where that came from!"

Fry sat on the couch, flicking the channels on the T.V. He looked up, distantly. "Huh? Oh hey, Bender."

"What's up meatbag? Too depressed for beer? I find that rather hard to believe." He quickly chugged two cans of beer and opened up another.

"I'm just thinking."

"I find that rather hard to believe as well."

Fry ignored that and continued. "I'm just not sure I can go through with this...."

"With what?" Amy asked as she walked into the lounge.

Fry jumped, startled. "Why do you always show up at moments like this?"

Amy shrugged. "Good timing? So anyway what were you saying about not wanting to go through with something?"

"The wedding..." He sighed. "I just... I don't..."

"Cold feet?" Amy asked and Fry nodded.

"Then get some socks." Bender said as he chugged the rest of the case of beer.

"That's not what she meant, Bender."

"You sure? 'Cause if you need socks I got some." He pulled out a pair of socks from his chest compartment.

"No! I mean I just don't think I can go through with-"

"Go through with what, exactly?" Michelle asked, walking into the room.

"With..." Fry paused. "Nothing." He said, wondering just how many more people would walk in on him that day.

"So you were just randomly screaming: 'I just don't think I can go through with nothing'?"


Michelle was not convinced.

Bender lit up a cigar before he spoke. "You should know how impulsive he is by now. Next thing you know he'll be basting a turkey on his head or singing the Canadian National Anthem. Or both."

"Impulsive... okay fine. I suppose he is... Well I should be going now. It's bad luck for the bride to see the groom the day before the wedding." She gave Fry one last glare before she left.

When the coast was clear Fry clenched his fists. "God! I swear she's tracking me! She's everywhere all the time!"

"Maybe there's a whole team of Michelles going out in shifts." Bender suggested.

"Seems like it..."

"Well.. I hope it all works out but I really have to go now." Amy said. "Kif said he would call two hours ago and I need to see what's up." She walked out the door, searching for her cellphone-telephone.

Fry sighed. "Michelle's just the biggest pain in the world. Its like she hides in shadow, waiting for me to slip up before she explodes."

"So she's like an underground explosive." Bender said.

"Guess so..."

"Best way to deal with those is to avoid them entirely."

"Well I think I'm too late for that."

Bender grabbed another beer from his chest. "Well then it looks like-"

"I know. I'm screwed."

Dialing, Cussing, Spazing and Planning

Amy started to swear in Cantonese when Kif failed to pick up at her sixth attempt at phoning him. "What is up?" Then she started to worry. What if the wars started sooner and he's fighting now! She dialed again, more frantically. No answer. "Just pick up already!"

"What's wrong?" Leela asked, passing by Amy.

"Kif's not answering the phone! I've called him, like, six times!" She dialed again. No answer.

"Relax, maybe Zapp's just got him doing some stupid chore and he'll be back later."

"Maybe.... I hope so." Amy said, though she wasn't at all convinced.

Leela suddenly got mad. "Well at least you've got someone else! Quit worrying! Everything'll be fine for you because it always is. Not for me. Not me. Nothing ever goes right for me!"

Amy blinked, taken aback. "Are you okay, Leela?"

"I'm fine! Just fine."

"You don't sound alright."

"Oh yeah? How so?"

"Well for starters you just screamed at me for no reason!"

Leela sighed, calming down. "Sorry... I don't know what came over me. I'm just having a really bad week."

"Maybe this'll cheer you up. Fry's not so sure about the wedding. He thinks this was all a mistake but now he can't get out of it. He doesn't love Michelle."

"He doesn't? You sure?"

"Positive. But he can't get out of all this."

"Wish I could help...." Leela sighed.

"Perhaps you can." Bender said slyly, striding in casually with a Zuban cigar.

"Really? How? I mean, I'm not invited to the wedding. Michelle made sure of that."

Bender laughed. "And you're gonna let that stop ya? Wuss."

Leela narrowed her eye but kept listening to Bender as Amy dialed again and again.

"I'll sneak ya in but first-"

"What are you guys talking about?" Fry asked, entering the room with crutches, his foot bandaged roughly.

"About...why Kif isn't calling Amy."

"And Ghosts." Bender added and Leela rolled her eye slightly.

"Oh.. alright then." He looked at Leela reluctantly like he meant to say something but didn't.

Amy dialed again, then cussed again.

Leela sighed, wishing he'd just say it. "Well I guess I'll see you tomorrow...."

Fry looked at her again, suspicious and she realized that tomorrow was the wedding. She wasn't supposed to be seeing him then.

"I mean... I'll see you when I see you."

He nodded but Leela could tell he wasn't sure he'd ever get to see her again.

"Okay, I'll email you the plan." Bender said after Fry left. "This is going to be great! I can finally use my new explosives!"

Amy and Leela exchanged worried glances.

The Reason Behind The Failure To Answer

Kif sighed as the Omecronians went on about their demands. He and Zapp were at a war meeting, trying to stop the wars...like that would happen.

"I demand you Earthlings become our slaves!" Lrrr shouted, spitting a little.

"No we demand you Omecronians become our slaves!" Zapp countered and Kif hit his head on the table.

"Your army is nothing against our mighty Empire!" Ndnda said.

"Well-" Zapp was cut off by the sound of a phone ringing.

Lrrr cried out. "Argh! The humans are attacking with their horrible loud ringing sounds!"

Kif quickly reached for his cellphone (That Amy bought him) and pushed a couple buttons, hoping he turned it off.

"Get the weapons, Ndnda! Attack!"

"Its gone, you idiot!" Ndnda said.

"Well you can count on Earth not attacking you now. We keep our promises." Zapp said, then whispered to Kif. "When I give the word, grab my gun and vaporize them under the table."

Kif's phone rang again.

"Kill the humans!" Lrrr shrieked.

Kif quickly pushed more buttons on the cell again.

"Never mind." Lrrr said, sitting back down.

The phone rang again and Lrrr jumped right back up. "DIE HUMANS!"

Kif fiddled with the phone again but Zapp grabbed it and threw it at Lrrr.

"Take that, monster!" He yelled.

The cell bounced off Lrrr harmlessly and broke as it came withing contact of the floor.

Zapp took a step for the door. "Alright then...." Then he ran for it, Kif following behind.

"Wait for me!" Kif cried.

Plan A, B, C and D

Leela looked at her email when she got back to her apartment.

One from Bender.

She dared to open it, wondering what his plan could possibly be. It read:

Hey, Meatbags! Here's the plan:

Plan A: Sneak Leela in (Tell ya how that'll happen later), Amy will already be inside.She'll form a distraction, start crying about something and distract people while Leela sneaks in to meet Fry. Keep him in his dressing room somehow while I steal the wedding gifts and give Michelle a note. I'll tell her Fry left and no one knows where he is then hopefully she'll leave. Problem solved.

Plan B: If she doesn't believe me I'll tell her that was a cover story and he actually died.

Plan C: All situations have the same plan C. Bending.... and explosives. (I'll explain that if it comes to that)

Plan D: If it comes to it there is no plan D. At this point all I can say is "We're boned." But it probably won't come to that.

See ya at the wedding.-Bender

Well I'm worried about plan C and D..... But hopefully we won't have to worry about that. Leela thought to herself. And why steal the wedding gifts? Then she remembered this was Bender she was dealing with.

She sighed and retreated to her room, she needed to be ready for a full day of wedding crashing the next day.

Let The Wedding Begin!

Fry sighed, sitting in a chair in the dressing room. "God, nothing's gonna fix this now...." He pulled out the half of the note he managed to find. "Goodbye, Leela..." He started, then he got mad. "No. Not goodbye. I'll get out of this. One way or another I'll get out of this!" He vowed, though having no idea how to execute that.

Bender, Leela and Amy, however, did.

"Okay, everyone remember the plans?" Bender asked as they stood outside the building.

Amy and Leela both nodded but then Leela asked, "Wait, how are you going to get me in?"

Bender shrugged. "Actually I had no clue how to do that. I dunno... is there a vent or something somewhere?" They scanned the walls and after a few minutes, found one. "Okay so that's down. Now, Amy get in there and start cryin' about some woman thing and I'll make my way over to Michelle. Ready?" He paused for dramatic effect. "Go!" He walked into the Madison Cube Garden casually, followed by Amy.

Leela opened the vent and crawled in. Slowly she made her way through, glad the vent was wide enough so she wouldn't get stuck. She passed by several openings, including the opening to a room where two people...made the right choice of "getting a room". She passed by that one quickly and got to the end, and by process of elimination this should have been Fry's room.

She jumped through the opening and landed quietly(and covered in dust) . She looked around, the door was closed and no one was there. She was deciding whether to wait or walk out the door when she noticed something. The layout of the room. The flowers on the table.

This wasn't Fry's room.

It was Michelle's.

Over To Amy And Bender....

As Bender looked around for Michelle, Amy started to cry, forming the distraction, though it wasn't very hard. All she had to do was think of Kif and the tears just came. People crowded around her, trying to comfort.

Bender shoved half a dozen wedding gifts in his chest compartment before he ran out of room and was forced to go find Michelle.

"Okay you little control-freak, where are you?" He looked up and down the hallway that connects the rooms, all around any open rooms and he picked into some closed ones. Three screams and shoes thrown at him later he still failed to find her.

"Jeez, where the hell could she be?" He searched several more open rooms when at last he passed her by. "Finally!" Then he put on a face of mock-sincerity and walked over to her. "Sorry,Michelle. Fry gave this to me to give to you." He handed her the note.

"Dear Michelle." She read, "I'm sorry but I don't love you anymore so I'm leaving forever and you should leave forever too. Bye. Signed, Fry." She crumpled the note up and threw it at Bender. "Nice try but no sale. Leela put you up to this, didn't she?"

"No, no. Of course not. The truth is I just didn't want to upset you...." He paused, making it look like he could barely bring himself to say it. "Fry didn't leave... he's dead." He hung his head down low, but peaked up to see if Michelle bought it.

She didn't. "How'd he die, then?"

"Uh... Well it was a horrific accident involving a snail and a Zamboni, I won't get into any details but it was pretty gruesome."

"Where'd the Zamboni come from? Nixon got rid of just about every ice rink on Earth to be replaced with privet presidential pools."

"Uh... Ghosts?"

Michelle rolled her eyes and stalked away.

"Jeez, what's so far fetched about ghosts? I just don't get it...." He sighed then smirked "Well little Miss Attitude, lets see how you deal with plan C...."

What Leela Discovers

Leela was about to run for the door before she got caught when she heard some mumbling in the room next to her. The walls must've been pretty thin, she heard quite a bit.

"Where were you?" A male voice was asking.

"Just dealing with someone. Nothing important." A female voice answered.

The male said something Leela didn't quite make out but what she heard next explained itself quite well. She gasped. "That sounded like-" Then she realized how loud she was talking.

"what was that?" The male asked.

"Sounded like-" The female started then growled. There was some shuffling heard before Michelle burst through the door. "Leela! I knew you'd try something!" Michelle screamed. "Get out of here!"

Leela just smirked. "Not before I tell Fry." She said.

"Tell him what?"

"That you were in the room next door getting on with-"

Sean walked in.

"SEAN?" Leela screamed. "I thought you broke up!"

"We did." Michelle replied. "We just wanted to stay "friends""

Leela just stood there in shock. At last she said: "Well, you people are freaks. I'm telling Fry right now!" She ran for the door, Michelle and Sean on her trail.

Fry saw her first. "Leela! What are you doing here?"

"No time!" Leela said. "I have to tell you that Miche-" Two huge guards grabbed each of her arms. "Hey! Let go!" She kicked the first one in the crotch and he crumpled to the ground. The second didn't even flinch. "What the-"

"I'm wearing a cup." He announced.

"Didn't need to know that..." Leela mumbled as the guard started to drag her out, she kept kicking and hitting but it was like hitting stone. "Stupid genetically-engineered super-guards...." She said as they shut her out.

Over To Fry

Fry glared at Michelle. "What'd you do that for?"

"She wasn't invited, Fry. You knew that."

"Then what's he doing here?" Fry asked, indicating towards Sean.

"Duh, he was invited."

"Okay.... so why's he not wearing a shirt?"

Sean looked about himself. "I knew I was forgetting something...."

"Well we did say dress casual...." Michelle said.

Fry narrowed his eyes slightly. "Alright. Fine. See you in 20 minutes." He told her. He had a plan.

Michelle went to go get ready. "And I'll see you later." She mumbled to Sean.

Bend It Like Bender

Bender placed explosives around the room. Rings of extra-powerful cherry-bombs lined the cake and tables. He reached up with his extensive arms and started bending the ceiling beams every which way.

People were starting to stare.

"Uh... My spare leg was itchy and it got thrown all the way up there." Bender told them.

"And how did it get up there?" Someone asked.

"It was a tornado."

"A tornado hit in the middle of an indoor area with no wind or dust?"

"It was the Egyptian god, Set. He summoned the storm to strike here." Bender explained.


"Don't question me about the affairs of foreign gods! He did it 'cause he could that's why."

The man narrowed his eyes but walked away.

Bender finished bending the ceiling beams in place and planted a bomb in the middle. "Perfect." He said, bringing his arms back down and walking over to the drink bar. He ordered six beers and began chugging them.

"You're supposed to be drinking champagne." Amy whispered, walking over to him.

"And you're supposed to be distracting people!" Bender shot back.

"But you're finished with everything!"

"Well..." He paused, thinking of a come-back. "Yo mama so fat-"

"Shh! I'll listen to your burn later, look it's starting." Amy pointed to the alter where Fry was now standing.

"Then so is plan C!" Bender declared, digging in his chest compartment until he found the control that could set off the bombs. "Be ready to run." He whispered, resting a finger on the big red button.

And It Begins....

Fry held his breath. I'm screwed, I'm screwed. Oh God I'm so screwed.... He pulled the half of the note he had out of his tux pocket. No... it's not over yet! He told himself and reminded himself of his plan. Well, it wasn't really a plan, just more of a last-minute desperate move.

The music started to play. Michelle would be coming out soon. Fry's hands went numb and his face paled. He clenched the note tightly. He saw Bender and Amy standing near the back of the room. Bender had something in his hand. A control? why would he have a control? What use could that be?

Michelle stepped out, her wedding gown flowing across the floor as she moved.

A devil in white.

Well... this is it. Fry sighed and put the note back in his pocket.


Leela paced back and forth. "Well now what? I can't just do nothing!" She remembered her half of the note just then and pulled it out. "Well even if Fry hates Michelle he probably doesn't like me anymore either...." She remembered all the times she rejected him. "I should have given him a chance.... At least once."

Leela sat down by the doors. "Well, its all over now. Looks like I blew it."

"Don't say that, honey." A voice told her.

"What the- Who said that?"

"I did." The voice said again and her mother climbed out of a manhole.

"Mom? what are you doing here?" Leela asked.

Munda shrugged. "I was just passing by the sewer passages when I heard your voice so I thought I'd come say hello."

"So...how much did you hear?"

"Everything. Listen, honey you have to tell him the truth."

"Everyone tells me that. But I can't, he's marrying Michelle!"

"So? everyone deserves to know the truth. Maybe that'll make him come to his senses."

"Yeah!" Morris said, climbing out and standing next to Munda. "Maybe this Michelle's a witch and she cast a spell on him."

"Sure seems that way. I don't understand how Fry could like her." Leela said.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Knock 'em dead, sweetie."

"I can't get back in. The guards locked me out."

"Oh, we'll get you in." Munda said with a wink (Or what could be considered a wink for a cyclops) and indicated towards the manhole. "Sewer passages lead everywhere."

Delayed Explosives

Fry watched Michelle slowly descend across the isle. She took her place next to him with a smile. The kind of smile a wolf might make before it devours a deer. Fun.

The Preacherbot started to speak but Fry wasn't paying much attention. He was more focused on Bender who looked like he was about to push a big, red button. He pressed it then mumbled something under his breath. He pushed it again. And again. And again.

"DAMMIT!" Bender cried, throwing the control to the floor. Every eye in the room was on him. "Evil spirits... made me say that... uh, carry on." He picked up the control and fiddled with some wires in the back.

The Preacherbot continued his speach and Fry kept glancing at the door, wondering if he could make it over there before anyone could catch him.

And To Leela....

Leela followed her parents through the sewers, careful where she stepped.

"Almost there!" Munda announced.

"Watch your head." Morris told her.

"Why?" She soon found out why when something started raining on her. "Don't wanna know what that was..."

"No you don't." Munda handed her some sanitizing wipes and kept walking. "Here we are!" She announced, climbing through a large pipe. Leela followed and arrived in a room.

"Just outside that door is where your friend is." Morris said.

"Go ahead, sweetie." Munda told her. "Time for the truth."

"Alright." Leela said, walking over to the door.

She turned the handle, and you know it was locked.

"Of course." She sighed. Then she got mad. "Damn it! I'm getting through!" She started to kick at the door, harder and harder.

Back To Fry....

Fry was panicking. Oh, God, oh, God, oh God! What the hell do I do?

"Do you take this man to be your lawful wedded husband?" The Preacher asked Michelle.

Say no, say no, say no! Fry pleaded.

"I do."

"Damn..." Fry muttered.

"What was that?" Michelle whispered fiercely. Fry said nothing.

"And do you take this woman to be your lawful wedded wife?" The preacher asked Fry.

"I..." He hesitated, looking around the room. He pulled the half-note out of his pocket. He had made his decision. "I don't."

"What?" The preacher gasped.

"What?" The crowd cried.

"WHAT?" Michelle screamed.

"I don't." Fry repeated, more firmly.

"It was her, wasn't it? She put you up to it. That purple-haired, one-eyed-"

"Shut up! Leela said nothing! This is me speaking and read my lips. I-Hate-You!" Fry cried. "I can't take it anymore! I'm leaving you!" He said at last, more confident than ever.

"Y-you...why?" Michelle stuttered, shocked.

"Why? Because lets face it. You're a little brat who whines and screams if you don't get what you want! You don't have to go home but you can't stay here. Goodbye, Michelle. Forever."

Michelle looked like she might explode. But she didn't need to.

Behind her, the cake exploded, covering her with white and blue icing. She screamed.

"YES!" Bender yelled, holding up his control triumphantly.

At that moment Leela broke through the door.

"Burn the witch!" Morris cried.

Michelle grabbed some of the exploded cake and threw it at Fry. "How could you?"

"Very easily." Fry said, flicking some cake at her.

"Food fight!" Bender cried, flinging some of the cake as well.

"Um... could someone clue me in as to what's happening?" Leela asked.

"Later." Bender told her, throwing some shrimp. "I taped it. But right now...." a ceiling beam fell just in front of him. "RUN!"

Everyone started to scream. Michelle tried to shove her way in front of everyone but Leela kicked her in the side and sent her hurtling into the wall. "My foot slipped." She shrugged and raced for the door.

This Is War

Fry, Bender, Leela and Amy all met up at a good distance from the Garden. Just in time to see it explode into millions of pieces.

"Okay," Leela started. "Is anyone going to tell me what happened?"

"Oh right! Here I got it all on tape.... Camera one and camera two got damaged on the dash over here but camera three's okay."


"Okay, now watch." Bender insisted.

After Leela finished watching Fry dump Michelle she was speechless.

Bender, however wasn't. "Finally you got some guts, Meatbag!" He said, throwing an arm around Fry. "I'm gonna put this on YouTube on my "World's Greatest Dumps" playlist!"

"Uh, I don't want to alarm anyone but isn't that the Nimbus up there?" Fry asked, pointing upward where the Nimbus appeared to be, being chased by several large spaceships.

"Oh, God. Zapp must've lead them to Earth!"

"Wow, I'm sure glad we're in America." Fry said.

"Fry, how many times do I have to tell you America is part of Earth!"

"Oh!" Bender exclaimed. "Let's hide out at Planet Express! I know where there's a crawlspace big enough to hold all three of us! Well... all three of us if one of you cut off your legs."

"Sorry, Bender. It looks like we've been spotted." Fry sighed, seeing as the Nimbus was heading right for them.


Zapp paced back and forth. "Eee! What do we do, Kif?"

"I don't- oh look! Its Amy, Fry, Leela and Bender!"

"Send them aboard!" Zapp announced.

"You mean pick them up?"

"Er, right. Whatever. Oh, look over there. Its that bossy brunette I slept with. Pick her up too."

"Why?" Kif asked, exasperated.

"Because I'm the captain guy and you're just the pathetic Lieutenant." Zapp said, then mumbled. "Also I'm thinking of getting lucky before you all die in the war and I can't just count on Leela..."


"Nothing, beam them up!"

Kif groaned and lowered a tube to suck them all aboard.

Minutes later the PE crew plus Michelle were all gathered in the cockpit.

"Ah, ladies." Zapp purred, strutting over to Michelle, Leela and Amy."

"Uh, sir.Amy's mine." Kif muttered.

"I sure am!" Amy announced, running over and hugging kif until his head swelled up.

"Uh, I hate to break it to you, Zapp but we're about to die if you don't tell us the plan right now." Leela said.

"I was hoping you had a plan."

Both Kif and Leela sighed while Bender slapped his hand to his face.

"Oh wait! I do have a plan! Uh, everyone, I'd like you all to leave while I speak with Fry."

Leela and Bender exchanged glances while the others walked out.

"I need him for the plan, that's all. Its classified." Zapp told them.

Leela took one look back as she left with Bender.

"I'll be okay, Leela. Don't worry." Fry said reassuringly.

"Alright then, Fry. all I need you to do is bring this box of socks to the Omecronians as a peace offering. If they accept, then its all good. If they don't then we're screwed. Got that."

"Wait, I should wright this down so I don't forget."

"Just bright it to the Omecronians. That's it. Got it?" Zapp handed him the box.

"I think so."

"Good. Now there's an escape pod overthere near the deadly missile. Take it over to their main ship."

"Uh. Okay. I guess I could do that." Fry walked over to the pod and got inside."

"Okay. Now the countdown. Three. Two..."

"wait who do I take this to again?"

"One!" Zapp pushed a button and sent the escape-pod shooting out of the ship and towards the Omecronians.

Leela Speaks with (Threatens) Zapp

Zapp sat back in the captain's chair, pleased that his plan was all going accordingly.

"Okay, Zapp. What exactly was the plan?" Leela asked as he invited them all back in.

"That's classified."

"Why? It wasn't against the law was it?"

"No, not Branigan's law anyway..."

Leela groaned. "You just sent him on a suicide mission, didn't you?"

Zapp cleared his throat nervously. "No.. no of course not...."

Leela grabbed his hair and pinned his head to the back of the chair. "You have five seconds to tell me what's going on before one of Bender's record breaking belches melts your face off."

Bender pulled out a case of beer from his chest.

Zapp swallowed. "I don't know what you're talking about. I just sent him on a peace-offering mission."

"Then why didn't you go?"

"Because I'm sick.... With Sexlexia...." Zapp faked a cough.

Leela narrowed her eye and Bender opened the beers.

"He's just giving them those socks you delivered to me!"

Leela sighed. "I know those arn't socks. What are they?"


Leela nodded at Bender and he raised the beer cans to his mouth.

Zapp made a sound half way between a groan and a whine before he spilled. "Okay... its a box full of very powerful bombs set to go off simultaneously when exposed to air. I call them Wind-Bombers. No.... Brannigan's Wind-Bombers."

"But why send Fry? Why not just mail it to them?" Leela asked.

Zapp sniffed, his eyes watering pathetically. "Because I just thought... with him out of the way maybe I'd have a better chance with you.... or maybe Michelle...."

Michelle grunted. "I broke up with him already."

"You did not! He dumped you, you cow!" Leela snapped.

"Who are you calling a cow you pig?" Michelle countered.

"Um, if I may interrupt...." Kif said. "Shouldn't we be saving Fry now?"

"Oh, right!" Leela shoved Zapp out of the Captain's chair and took the controls.

"Twice in one day? Sheesh..." Bender mumbled.

"Not if I can help it!" Zapp declared, trying to take the controls from Leela.

"Get away from me!" Leela yelled, punching Zapp in the face, knocking him unconscious.

"You shouldn't have done that." Kif sighed.

"Why? He got what was coming to him." Amy said.

"True.. but he's the only one who knows where the Omecronian's head ship was located. He wouldn't let me see the Escape Pod while he was programing its destination."

"Oh, poo..." Leela banged her fist against the controls then sighed. "Everyone, try to wake him up, quickly!" She glanced out the windows. "Hold on, Fry...." She whispered. "I'll be there as fast as I can."

"Fast?" Bender questioned, slapping Zapp in the face multiple times. "At this rate we won't be there till Xmas of next year."

Leela was begining to loose hope when an Omecronian ship flew by the window. "Yes we will! In fact we'll be there sooner!" She declared, taking hold of the controls and speeding after the ship. "Hold on to your drinks!"

"Oi, now she tells me..." Bender sighed, covered in beer.

Leela forced the Nimbus to go faster, straining to work all the controls. "Here I come, Fry!" Try not to die for at least 10 minutes.... She added mentally.

Fry Delivers

Fry gasped as the escape Pod arrived at the Omecronian's head ship. "Whoa... its huge!" Several smaller ships zoomed past him, one of which seemed to be sounding an alarm. The escape pod was grabbed by a huge metal claw and brought inside the Mother Ship.

Lrrr was the first to the scene, followed by Ndnd. "I am Lrrr of the planet Omecron Persei 8! Who are you, puny Earthling and what are you doing here?"

Ndnd grabbed Lrrr's arm. "Quiet down, you don't need to yell."

"DON'T I?"

"Uh, I'm here to deliver a peace offering from Zapp Brannigan." Fry started, reaching for the box.

"A peace offering, eh?" Lrrr muttered, considering.

Fry held the box out to Lrrr. "Yep. So now I'll just be going...." Fry started on his way back to the escape pod when Ndnd stopped him.

"How do we know this isn't a trick?"

Fry thought for a moment. "Uh, no clue. Well see you." He tried to get away but Ndnd kept him there.

Lrrr took hold of the box. "What is it?"

"Socks, I think."

"Can you eat them?"

Ndnd took the box away from him. "If you can than take it back." She shoved it over to Fry. "Lrrr, remember your diet." Lrrr groaned.

Fry gave the box back to her. "Um, I don't think you can eat socks."

"Then what do you do with them?"

"You wear them on your feet and you can put money in them."

Lrrr considered again. "Hmm, well I have been meaning to get rid of this old wallet." He pulled out a huge, tattered wallet from a pocket in his cape.

"wait," Ndnd said, taking the box from him. "How are we sure these are really what the human says they are?" She shoved the box back over to Fry. "Open it, human! Show us what's really inside."

Fry looked down at the box. "Sure, I guess I could show you...." He ripped the tape off the box and started to open it.

"Hurry up, I haven't got all day!" Lrrr moaned.

"You never were the patient type." Ndnd muttered.

"And you never were the loving wife type!" Lrrr barked.

"Oh don't you start on me!"

"Oh yeah? well... uh...."

"Out of come-backs already? Pathetic." Ndnd crossed her arms.

Lrrr growled, muttering to himself.

Fry fiddled with the last bit of tape and opened it up. A thin velor cloth lay over the contains. "Well here you go." He gave the box to Lrrr and turned back to the escape pod. He had made it half-way there before the explosion knocked him off his feet.

Leela Arrives.... About Three Seconds Too Late

"Okay, everyone. It looks like we're almost there!" Leela called.

"OoohEeeeahh....." Zapp spluttered, semi-conscious on the floor.

"Ew.." Bender mumbled, grabbing a cloth and throwing it over Zapp's drooling head.

"I see the Mother ship!" Amy yelled, pointing out the window at the massive ship.

"Okay. I'll just follow this ship through the hole in the force-field that seems to be surrounding it and then we'll-" Leela didn't get to finish her sentence when she saw it. The explosion took a good chunk out of the ship, if it weren't for the force-field there probably would have been bodies floating out everywhere among the debris and wreckage. "NO!"

"Maybe he got away in time." Kif suggested, though he looked as grim as the others.

Leela nodded. "Maybe you're right.... I- I'll look around for the Escape-Pod.... I'm sure he's okay...." Please be okay....

Bender made a low whistle. "It doesn't look like anyone could survive that- ow!" Bender yelped as Amy slapped the back of his head. "I mean, I'm sure he's just fine."

"Yeah, we'll find, him Leela. He's survived worse...." Amy tried to sound reassuring but she trailed off when she saw the flaming wreckage of the Escape Pod. "Hoo, boy...."

After The Big Bang

Fry groaned, his head feeling like someone sliced through it with a sledge-hammer. It took him a few moments to realize that there was something heavy across his back. He struggled to push it aside and he slowly started to sit up. A few moments passed before he realized where he was and what had happened.

Ndnd was unconscious across the hallway, the explosion having not even penetrated her skin and Lrrr groaned slightly next to Fry where he had pushed him aside. It took Fry yet a few more moments to realize that Lrrr had been blown on top of him, shielding him from getting killed in the explosion.

"wow. That was lucky." Fry muttered, his head still swimming.

He staggered to his feet, realizing that he was missing his left shoe and his foot was severely burned. The right one seemed fine but his right arm, however was not. He couldn't feel it the burns were so bad and there seemed to be a gash in his shoulder. "Perfect." He sighed then looked around for the Escape Pod only to find half of it on one side of the hall and the other half across from it, smoldering and burning. "Great. Now how am I going to get back?"

"You arn't." Lrrr said, sitting up, ray-gun in hand.

"Well I might if I- Ahh!" Fry screamed, seeing the gun. He turned and started to run down the hall but Ndnd was already there, also with a gun. Fry backed up slowly, his arms up. "It wasn't me who planted the bomb! It was Zapp!"

"But you delivered it." Lrrr argued.

"Well that doesn't seem entirely fair, its not like I knew it w-" Fry started but Lrrr cut him off by shooting the gun by his feet. He jumped aside, almost falling over the edge of the blown-apart hall and into the force-field.

"SILENCE, HUMAN!" Lrrr yelled.

"How many times must I tell you NOT TO YELL!" Ndnd snapped, spitting a bit.

Lrrr ignored her and took a step towards Fry, gun out. "Enough, Ndnd. You always say we should do more things together. Well now's our chance, so QUIT RUINING THIS GOLDEN MOMENT!"

Ndnd rolled her eyes and held out her gun. "Very well."

Fry started to panic, looking down over the edge and back up at Lrrr and Ndnd. Oh, God what do I do? He thought for the second time that day.

Ndnd stood beside Lrrr. "Any day now...."

Lrrr growled. "I'm pausing for dramatic effect!"

Fry took a deep breath. I really hate making all these split-second decisions.... He thought, then he jumped.

"Aw, you let another one get away!" Ndnd growled.

"Relax. The force-field is electric. He couldn't survive hitting it."

"I suppose you're right..." She sighed. "For once...." she mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Oh, nothing."

They both walked away, giving orders for attacks as they went.

Fry held onto a ledge below where the hallway dropped off, trying to get up on it but his right arm wasn't letting him. So he held on. "I really wish someone would come by to help me right now...." He sighed, looking around briefly. "...Damn. That always works on TV." He tried to get his foot up on the ledge but he almost lost his grip in doing so. "Well this day just keeps getting better...." He sighed, looking down and watching all the ships pass by below him.

All the ships.

Passing by.

Right below.

"Wait! I'm getting an idea... no...yes! wait.. no, yes, no, yes, yes! No... YES!" He let go of the ledge just as a ship passed under him and landed with a thud.

In The Omecronian Ship....

"Hey," One of the Omecronians said. "Did you hear something?"

"I think so. Should we check it out?" The second one asked.

"Nah, I'm sure its nothing."

On The Nimbus....

Leela drove the ship up and down the exploded area. "He has to be here somewhere...." I hope...

Amy stood in front of the windows, trying to cover what could be seen of the broken Escape Pod. "Yeah... somewhere..."

Leela narrowed her eye at Amy. "What's behind that window."

"Uh, nothing."

"Then step aside."

Amy bit her lip.

Michelle walked over and glanced out the window. Then she shoved Amy aside. "Nothing indeed...."

Leela gasped as she saw the Pod. "No..."

"Oh yes." Michelle smirked then she was hit with rather unexpected splash of grief. She shook her head slightly to clear it.

For once even Bender was speechless.

Amy hugged Kif, sadly and Leela just sat there. Staring out the window. Disbelieving.

Then a claw came from out of the Mother Ship, grabbing the Nimbus and pulling it in.

"Well, we're boned...." Bender sighed.

The Question Of "Now What"

Fry looked around from the top of the ship when it landed, making sure no one was around before he climbed down. He looked around. No way out. "Well now what?" He sighed, taking a step forward but tripping on some scrap metal. "Ow!" He picked the metal up, examining it. "Well you never know when scrap metal'll come in handy....." He mumbled then heard footsteps coming closer. He looked around quickly and ran into an open door a little way from the ship.

Fry sighed with relief as an Omecronian passed by, not even turning to look where he was hiding. Then he turned around and examined the room he had entered.

Another ship hanger.

And in the corner was the Nimbus.

"No..." He whispered, realizing what must have happened. And once again "Now what?" popped back into his head.


"More humans?" Lrrr barked indignantly. "Well I guess I should kill you now and get it over with."

"No, wait." Ndnd said, stopping him. "Why don't we just imprison them?"

"Hmm. Good idea. That way we don't have to eat them all at once."

Ndnd walked over, cuffing Leela, Bender, Kif, Amy, Michelle and finding Zapp waking up under the sheet.

Zapp groaned. "what's going on?"

"You're getting imprisoned." Lrrr growled, cuffing him.

Zapp glanced at Leela. "Woman drivers... Always getting distracted and getting imprisoned." He sighed.

Leela ground her teeth, making a vow to punch him again after she figured out a way to get the cuffs off.

Lrrr and Ndnd lead them out of the ship, across the hanger and into the prisons. Lrrr locked them up, switching on the electric force-field in front of the bars.

"Great. How could this day get any worse." Leela sighed.

"I could make it better...." Zapp said sexily, strutting over to her.

"You could, why don't you lean a little closer."

"Alright, how about thi- oaw!" Zapp yelped as Leela head-butted him.

"That helped a little." Leela said, then sunk down to the floor, sighing.

Bender sat down too. "Well this is just perfect. We're stuck in jail and Fry's dead." He sighed. "And I can't even bend those stupid bars because of the foce-field. The... electric force-field...." He ran over, putting his hand out but Leela tripped him.

"Now is not the time to get high, Bender!"

"We're in jail! Its the perfect time!" He argued but stayed put. "I miss Fry..."

Leela was suddenly hit again with the realization that she'd never see Fry again. "I miss him too but we have to think about how we're going to get out of here. He wouldn't have wanted us to stay in jail for the remainder of our lives."

Bender sat up. "You're right. Uh... any ideas as to how we could get out?"

Leela thought for a moment. "I got nothing." she admitted.

Finding Out

Fry looked around the hanger, walking over to the Nimbus. He looked inside to find that it was in fact empty. Proving his fears correct. He started to walk back when he heard voices coming from inside a door. He crept over, hiding behind the door frame and listening in.

"The war seems to be going smoothly. Shall we celebrate with a human snack?" It was Lrrr's voice.

There was a pause then Ndnd said, "Sure, why not? One little snack couldn't hurt."

"Lets just wait a bit, though. We'll call in our troupes to watch us devour a human as our victory after they're done blowing up a few more buildings."

"Oh, alright." Ndnd answered.

Fry gasped. They're going to eat them! And once again he was faced with the task of figuring out what to do next. Oh, God. all this thinking is making my brain hurt!

Boned Again

Leela paced back and forth, racking her brain for an answer to the ever lingering question: "What the hell were they going to do next?"

Bender stepped forward. "What if I tried to absorb all the energy from the force-field?"

"For the last time, No." Leela said, clenching her fists. "Anyone have any better ideas?"

"Most Omecronian force-fields malfunction when warm, thick liquid is poured on them." Kif said.

"Warm, thick liquid? I know!" Bender jumped up. "I'll just cut one of you open and pour the blood while its still warm over the force-field so the rest of us could escape."

"No plans that involve killing one of us." Leela said, strictly.

"What if we cut open Zapp, or Michelle?"

Leela considered. "Tempting... but the answer is still no."

"So you don't want me to die," Zapp started. "What do you want me to do?" He purred.

"I want you to step closer." Leela said.

"Okay... Is this close enou- Oaw!" Zapp crumbled to the ground as Leela kneed him in the crotch.

"That never gets old." Leela smirked, then became serious again. "Anyone have anymore suggestions?"

No one did.

"Than we're boned." Bender sighed. "For the umpteenth time today....."


Fry ran as silently as he could down the hall, searching for the prison, fortunately all the Omecronian soldiers were out on their last mission of taking over so finding the right door was easy without getting caught. But 'easy' stopped there. Two guards stood in front of the door, one holding a ray-gun, the other with some cuffs and keys to unlock the force-fields and bars containing the cells.

And yet again, Fry was faced with another "Now what" situation. He thought. And thought. And thought. But he had no plan. All the thinking was hurting his brain and if he didn't do something Leela, Bender, Kif and Amy were all going to die. And so were Zapp and Michelle but he didn't care much about them and the guard stepped forward, hearing something and he's getting closer and closer and-

Fry held his good hand up to the side of his head. All this was giving him a major headache and the guard was still coming closer....

Fry then noticed a steam vent across the hall, building up his courage he bolted across the hall, almost getting hit with a ray-gun shot and hid behind the vent. The expected shot came, blowing the lid off and causing the hall to fill with steam. Fry ran over to the guard with the keys and made a grab for them.

He made a break for the entrance to the prisons but the door was locked, as he fiddled with the keys to find the right one to unlock it the steam slowly cleared from the room and a guard quickly grabbed him, cuffing his hands behind him.

Lrrr soon came rushing to the scene. "What's all the racket?" He asked.

"This human was trying to break into the prisons, sir."

"What? I killed him just half an hour ago!"

"Yes you did. I'm a ghost, not a human. You can let me go now. No harm done." Fry said, nervously.

Lrrr poked his arm. "He's no ghost! Seize him!" Lrrr yelled, then added, "Just stuff him in with the other humans. I like to keep as many cells possible free for better use."

"Yes, sir." Both guards grunted and lead Fry into the prison. The door of which, Fry realized, wasn't actually locked. He just wasn't able to open it right when he was panicking.

"Damn." He muttered. Then the guard shoved him in a cell. "Double-damn...." He sighed then turned around.

Turned around to see the shocked faces of Leela, Bender, Zapp, Michelle, Kif and Amy.

"Uh, hi, everyone." Was all he managed to say.

Good To Be Back

Bender ran over and hugged Fry so tight it appeared to be choking him. "I...missed you..too, B- ender..." Fry gasped.

Bender let go of him. "We thought you died! The Escape Pod was left in a smoldering wreckage of debris and flame. How'd you do it? Is Houdini your distant relative or something?"

"No, I don't think so, anyway here's what happened." And he told them everything.

"Nice work, Meatbag. Except for getting captured."

"Well you can't win them all." Fry sighed.

"Well, welcome back anyway. At least your not dead." Amy said.

Kif nodded but Zapp only muttered under his breath. "Now I'll never score with Leela again before I die... why she prefers this pipsqueak is beyond me...."

That made Fry realize that Leela had said nothing so far. "Leela?" He asked. The others seemed to step aside when he walked over to her(Zapp and Michelle were standing in corners, grumbling to themselves). Except Bender, not getting it than Amy nudged him and he stepped aside.

Leela just kept staring.

"Uh, are you going to say anything?"

Leela shook her head slightly, examining him, making sure that he really was there.

"Okay then... maybe this'll make you talk...." He shuffled slightly then brought his good hand up over his head, the cuffs undone and holding up the keys. Everyone gasped. "when the guard cuffed me, there was still too much steam to see that I still had the keys." Fry said, answering the unsaid question.

Leela just shook her head slightly again.

Fry walked over and un-cuffed her. "Look, Leela you have to say something soon or I'll- oomph." Fry staggered back as Leela kissed him then he relaxed.

"Don't do that anymore." Leela said, ending the kiss.

"Do what?"

She slapped him. "Almost die. You scared me half to death."

Fry smiled, still in a slight trance from the kiss. "Okay, no more dying." He promised.

She paused. "Okay. Now let's get the hell out of here."

Fry nodded, unlocking everyone's cuffs, turning off the force-field and unlocking the bars. "Okay." He started. "The Omecronians shouldn't be back for a-" His path was suddenly blocked by thousands of Omecronians, weapons in hands. "-while...."

Love Hurts

Fry looked around for a way to escape but there was none.

They were surrounded.

Lrrr stepped out in front, followed by Ndnd. "Well, look who tried to escape." Lrrr growled. "Ndnd, which one shall we eat first while the others watch?"

Ndnd sighed. "While waiting for the troupes, you ate two whole cows and a large Pepsi. We're not eating any of them."

"That's not fair! I ORDERED COKE! They gave me Pepsi!"

"Don't worry, Lrrr we will kill them. Just don't eat them."

Lrrr groaned but agreed. "Fine. Which one is first?"

Leela shoved Michelle in front. "How about her?"

Lrrr examined Michelle, then glanced at Leela. "Didn't we try to kill you before?"

"Uh..." Leela bit her lip.

Ndnd raised her gun. "Shall we start with her than?"

"No!" Fry shouted.

"YOU HAVE NO SAY, Puny human!"

"Wait!" Fry gasped, desperately, thinking of a way to stall them.

"Fry, its okay." Leela started, knowing quite well it wasn't.

"No! I won't let this happen!" Fry shouted, he turned to Lrrr. "what is this war even about?"

"what is it about?" Lrrr yowled. "Its because he-" Lrrr pointed to Zapp. "Mocked the way I speak!"

"Then what about the other five wars?" Fry asked.

"You Earthlings always cracking wise about our mamas. After five horrendous insults we could take no more."

Fry thought for a moment. "What if we apologized?"

"Hmm, Well I suppose you could do that. Yes, that could work." Lrrr said, looking over at Zapp.

"Oh, gracious overlords, please, please don't kill us! We apologize for everything!" Zapp pleaded, then sobbed.

Leela rolled her eye. He could have done it with a little more dignity on behalf of Earth.

Fry looked at Lrrr. "So, can we go now?"

"Couldn't you have done it more formally that that? I mean, what was that? A six-year-old apologizing to its friend?"

"My thoughts exactly." Leela muttered, glaring at Zapp.

"We'll kill one of you. Then you can go." Ndnd said.

Lrrr raised his gun at Leela.

"Why don't you just kill Zapp?" Leela argued.

Lrrr shrugged. "You're closer."

Fry bit his lip, then took a deep breath. He stepped in front of Leela. "Don't kill her. Kill me."

"Fry, no!" Leela pleaded. "You promised me no more dying!"

Fry said nothing. He looked over at Lrrr and Ndnd.

"Oh, very well." Ndnd sighed. "Its best we get this over with. I have laundry to do."

The Omecronians in the background cheered Lrrr on as he raised his gun.

Fry glanced quickly back at Leela. "I love you." He whispered.

Lrrr put his finger the trigger.

No going back now.

Fry took a deep breath and the shot landed square on his chest. He fell to the ground at Leela's feet.

"No!" She yelped, tears in her eye.

"The deed is done. Good day to you." Lrrr said. "You can go home now. The war is off." He and the other Omecronians all filed out of the prison, leaving the P.E crew plus Zapp, Kif and Michelle alone.

Leela started to sob. "He promised! He told me he wouldn't die anytime soon!"

Amy put her hand on Leela's shoulder. "He did it to save you."

"I wish he hadn't."

Kif walked over. "Better give her a minute to herself." He whispered.

Everyone backed off.

Leela sighed. "Its true what they say." She whispered. "Love hurts."

What Happens Next

Leela stood up slowly, shaking a bit. "Let's go..." She sighed.

They all nodded.

"What about Fry's body?" Kif asked.

"We'll take hi- it back home. I'll find a burial plot." Leela said, her voice shaking. Seeing someone get killed is a LOT worse than hearing about it. Especially if you just realized that you loved him. Leela picked Fry up, carefully and lead the way back to the Nimbus.

Bender sobbed. "Dammit! I'm so sick of Fry dying."

"Fate is so cruel." Kif said softly, leaning against Amy.

"Fate can bite my shiny metal ass." Bender growled, crossing his arms.

They arrived at the Nimbus and Leela put Fry down on the floor. She grabbed a sheet to put over him but paused. "I'm so sorry, Fry." She whispered. "About everything. Sorry about practically ditching you for Sean. Sorry about all the times I rejected you or hurt you." Leela sighed. "The truth is, I was just too afraid to admit that... well, I loved you." She kissed his cheek and started to bring the sheet over his head.

"Do you... still.. l-ove... me?" Fry rasped.

Leela's eye went wide. "Fry? Fry! You're alive! He's alive!" She beckoned for everyone to come over.

"Do you... love... me?" Fry repeated, blinking open his eyes.

Leela could barely speak she was so happy. "Yes, I still do, Fry. I still do."

Fry smiled, slowly sitting up. "Good." Was all he could say.

Bender raced over and hugged Fry, again far too tight. "If you die again, I'll kill you."

"I won't... now... please... let go... Ben...der..." Fry gasped. "Too... tight....."

"Oh, oops." Bender let go and Fry slid back down to the floor.

"That's better..."

"But how are you alive?" Amy asked. "We saw Lrrr shoot you with our own eyes."

Fry sat up again, pulling up his shirt, revealing a sheet of scrap metal with a melted part where the shot hit. "You never know... when you'll need... scrap metal." He said, then turned to Leela. "I told you I wouldn't die."

Leela smiled, relief replacing her shock.

"I hid the scrap metal under my shirt when I went up to the prison guards." Fry continued, recovering his voice. "I guess I just thought something might happen for some reason...."

Hidden in a vent, Nibbler smiled. I knew following him today was a good idea....

Leela hugged Fry. "I'm glad you're alive."

Fry smiled then winced. "careful. That shot may not have killed me, but hot, melted metal pressing against your skin really hurts.

"Oh, sorry. Don't worry. We'll get you fixed up in no time." She turned to Zapp sitting at the controls. "Hurry up, Zapp."

"The ship won't start." Zapp said, fiddling with the controls.

Kif looked at the monitor. "It appears we're out of fuel."

"It's always something isn't it?" Bender said, annoyed.

Fry sighed. "This is defiantly not a good day...."

A Way To Get Home

Bender looked out the windows. "What if we just stole one of those Omecronian ships?" He suggested.

"Bender, we're trying to be peaceful with the Omecronians." Leela said.

"Well I don't see anyone else contributing ideas."

"We could take fuel from the other ships." Amy suggested.

Everyone stared at her.

"What? Can't I be dark sometimes?"

Leela shook her head. "We can't take anything from the Omecronians right now. We'll just have to find another way home."

"Look around. There ain't no way without stealing." Bender said.

Leela sighed. "Perfect. Just perfect. Just when it looks like we can go home, we can't. Well, I'll tell you something, I-" She was interrupted when something small but heavy fell from a vent and hit the floor, causing the ship to tilt in the direction of the object.

"What was that?" Fry asked, looking around.

Leela looked down at the object. "I don't believe it... It's dark matter!"

Amy looked around. "Where'd it come from?"

"Do you think Nibbler died and he just pooped on us from Heaven?" Fry asked, looking up.

"I don't know, but this means we can go home now!" Leela exclaimed.

"Well its about damn time." Bender said, taking out a cigar and lighting it with his fingers.


Zapp strutted over to Michelle. "Would you care to meet me in the bedroom?"

Michelle snorted. "No."

"The closet, maybe?"


"The shower?"


"Kif's quarters?"

"No! Stop trying to seduce me!" Michelle spat.

"No, you stop seducing me." Zapp retorted.

Michelle ignored him.

"Almost there!" Leela announced at the controls.

"Yes!" Amy exclaimed. "Finally. It'll be good to be home."

"You know, Amy..." Kif started nervously. "Can we?.... um, maybe, dinner...we could? Oh, that didn't come out right..."

Amy smiled. "I know what you meant. Of course we can have dinner." She kissed his cheek.

Kif jumped a little. "I'll ware my special leather jacket!"

"Ohh, you know how that turns me on...."

Zapp crossed his arms. "Is everyone getting lucky but me?"

"Yes." Leela said. "Now shut up, we're home." She helped Fry get off the ship and the rest followed.

Zapp stopped Michelle. "Please? Try the Zapper just once more."

Michelle sighed. "Can't we just talk?"

Zapp thought for a moment. "Sure. Come, lets talk in my bedroom....."

At Last

Leela smiled as she stepped out of the ship. "Home."

"Well, what's left of it." Bender muttered, staring at the broken buildings.

"They'll fix it soon enough." Fry said.

Bender hid behind Leela when he noticed Smitty and URL paroling near-by. "The cops, hide me!"

"Oh, yeah. I forgot you blew up the Madison Cube Garden...." Fry said.

"SHH!" Bender hissed.

The cops turned around. "Did you say he blew up the Garden?" Smitty asked.

Fry bit his lip. "Uh... no."

"Yes you did, I just heard you."

"No you didn't."

"Yes I did, quit messing with me!"

URL put cuffs on Bender. "You're going away for a long time, baby. Aw, yeah."

Bender groaned. "I'm so sick of getting imprisoned...." He sighed as they pushed him into the police car.

"Well, I guess we'd better go bail him out." Amy sighed. "He'll just use his one phone call to phone me asking for the money."

"I guess but not today. One night in jail won't hurt him." Leela said. "I need to rest."

Amy nodded. "Yeah, come on Kif. Lets go to my place." She leaned in closer.

Kif's eyes went wide. "Um, oh. Um. Yes, okay!" He ran into the Nimbus and came back out with a leather jacket.

Amy smiled. "Let's go, bad boy." She grabbed his arm and lead him off.

"Well, I guess I'd better get this melted metal removed from my chest somehow." Fry said. "I think its burned on now."

Leela nodded. "We'll get you to a doctor.... Then maybe afterward we can have dinner.... at my place." She said slyly.

Fry blinked. Did she just ask him to come her apartment? "Really?"


"Wow, okay. Sure!" He couldn't believe it. "Are you sure?"

"Yes! I'm sure! Now come on, lets go find a doctor."

The Legend Of The Leather Jacket

Amy and Kif sat together at the table in her apartment, picking through dinner. "So where'd you get that jacket, anyway?"

Kif shrugged. "Stole it from a biker."

"Really?" She leaned closer.

"No... I bought it at a discount shop...."

"Oh." Amy said, disappointed.

"But the shopkeeper was a biker." Kif added.

"Did you hassle him a bit?" Amy leaned in again.

"Well, n-" Kif stopped. "Yes I did. I'm lucky to be alive right now."

Amy kissed him. "Did he get the worst of it?"

Kif looked down, not being very good at lying or exaggerating. "He ran away after the first punch."

Amy smiled, knowing that wasn't what happened. "Come here, my big bad Kiffy." She stood up and walked around the table over to him. She didn't really care anymore if he wasn't exactly hard-core.

Kif smiled nervously. "I-I..." He sighed then blurted it out. "I love you."

"I know, and I love you too. Now come on." She grabbed his arm and lead him off.

"Oh, my."

At the Taco Bellevue Hospital....

Fry woke up in the hospital to find Leela by his side. He sat up. "Hey, nothing hurts!"

"Shouldn't." Leela told him. "It took hours to get that scrap metal off without ripping out your ribcage."

"Well, at least now its all over."

"Not everything. We still need to get Bender bailed out."

"He can wait. I'm exhausted." Fry sighed, moving around his right arm, glad it worked again.

"Really? Well that's too bad. I did invite you to dinner a while ago but..."

"Wow, I suddenly feel great. Let's go."

"Shouldn't you get changed first?"

Fry looked down, realizing that he was still in a hospital gown. "Right. I'll be out in a minute."

Bender's Plan

Bender paced back and forth in his cell at the prison, realizing the bars were unbendable after six attempts at bending them.

"Aw, man. What now? Prisons are no fun when you can't break out of them."

Then he looked up.

The ceiling bars were intertwined, holing everything up with a mix of thick and thin bars.

Just like the Madison Cube Garden.

"If only I had some explosives...."

"You want explosives?" A gruff strangely accented voice asked.

"Whoa!" Bender spun around. "Where'd you come from?"

"I been here whole time." The voice said. He stepped out of the shadows. He was short but muscular with short black hair and forest green skin. "So has he." He pointed to a corner and Roberto stepped out. "You need to be more observant."

"Hey, Bender!" Roberto said. "Ever drowned in a toilet?"

"No, Roberto. We need toilet for explosion-making." He turned to Bender. "By the way, I'm Alidor."

"Wait," Bender started. "You can use a toilet for explosions?"

"When you are imprisoned as many time as me you learn a thing or two. I show you how it work."

"Plan C never fails..." Bender said with a smirk.

It Never Lasts

Leela lit a candle on the table she had set up and dished out the dinner. "Sorry, all I have is spaghetti. Nothing fancy."

Fry sat down. "That's good. I always screw up everything fancy."

Leela sat down too. "Well, not everything."

Fry smiled, but only for a second. He sighed.

"What is it?" Leela asked.

"Well its just... I wish it could stay like this."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, it never lasts. This never lasts, sure you like me now but in a few days you'll just forget all about it when the next Sean comes along." Fry stopped. Maybe he'd gone just a little too far with that.

Leela said nothing.

"Look, I'm sorry. I- I just got a little carried away."

"No, you're right. But I didn't ever forget you. I denied everything for so long that I just... started to believe I didn't love you."

"So what's the truth?" Fry asked.

Leela paused, then she leaned across the table and kissed him. "That's the truth." She said, sitting back.

Fry's expression was vacant for a moment. Then he spoke. "So you're not gonna forget me, right?"

Leela shook her head. "I won't."


"What are we? Ten?" Leela said then stopped herself. "Okay. I promise."

Fry smiled. "Great! Now I can enjoy my dinner." He wound tons of spaghetti around his fork and stuffed it in his mouth, slurping up the last noodle.

Leela stared at him.

"...Sorry." Fry mumbled, mouth still full.

Leela gave him a sly smile and scooped up a ton of the spaghetti with her fork, she slurped up even more than Fry did.

"God, I love you." Fry said and shoved more spaghetti into his mouth.

Alidor's Plumbing Technique

Bender sighed, tapping his foot with boredom as Alidor went to work.

"Is almost done." Alidor announced. "I just need to rearrange some pipes and she'll be ready to blow."

"If I had a nickel for every time I heard that sentence." Roberto said, sharpening his finger on the wall.

"So, Roberto," Bender started. "What're you in for this time?"

"Oh, I robbed that bank again after I got out of jail for robbing that bank. What'd you do, Bender? Rob a bank?"

"Nah, I blew up the Madison Cube Garden." Bender told them.

Alidor looked up from his work and raised an eyebrow.

"What? Haven't you ever blown up a building to get a friend out of a marriage?"

Alidor nodded. "At least twice a month." He admitted. "Why it's illegal is beyond me...." He adjusted the toilet to tilt to the side. "I tilt it so our faces don't get blown off, good?"

"Yeah that works." Bender said. "So what'd you do, Alidor?"

"Dija rob a bank or ATM or a Loan Office?" Roberto asked.

Alidor started at him.

"Don't look at me like I'm crazy! Just 'cause I'm insane don't mean I'm crazy! I'll stab you with my finger! Hiya!" He waved his sharpened finger around.

"Right. Well no, I didn't rob anyone.... I only blew up the Mayor's toilet."

"Why?" Bender asked out of curiosity.

"He knows why...." Alidor said, eyes narrowed. "Okay we is good to go after this sets for a while. Bender do you mind bending the ceiling beams so they don't all fall at once?

"With gusto." Bender said, extending his arms.

"Good. Now tomorrow morning, we get out with a bang." Alidor said with a smile.

At Leela's Apartment....

Leela cleared the plates away and Fry glanced at the time. "Well I guess I should be going now...." He said, standing up.

"Why the rush? There's always dessert...." Leela said with a sly smile.

"Ice cream?" Fry asked.

"No...not ice cream."


"Not pie either."

"You really don't have a very good selection of desserts if you-"

Leela walked over and whispered in his ear.

"Oh." Fry said, then turned to her. "Who are you and what have you done with Leela?"

"She's tied up in my closet."

"What?" Fry exclaimed, looking over at the closet.

"I was being sarcastic." Leela told him.

"Oh." Fry said, still looking at the closet. "You sure?"

"Yes I'm sure! Now come on, my sweet goofbag....." She took his hand and lead him to the bedroom.

On-board The Nimbus....

Michelle blinked and sat up. "Ugh, what a horrible nightmare...." She looked around. "Wait... this isn't my apartment....."

Beside her, something stirred.

"Hello, Lover." A voice said and Michelle turned her head around to find a smiling Zapp Brannigan smiling back at her.

She screamed.

The Next Morning, At Leela's Apartment....

Fry woke up to find Leela sleeping beside him. He pinched himself but it wasn't a dream. Well, this week may have been hell but it was also the best week of my life. He thought with a smile.

Leela blinked, waking up. "'Morning." She said, seeing that Fry was already awake.

His smile widened. "'Morning."

"I guess we should go and get Bender bailed out now." Leela sighed.

"I guess...." Fry found his shirt and pants and put them on, he reached for his jacket and noticed something fall out of it. He picked it up.

"What's that?" Leela asked, looking for her socks.

"A note- well half a note.... Actually it was the note you wrote for me. I kept this half when Michelle tore it up, I never found the second half. Anyway, this was what made me realize marrying Michelle would be a huge mistake."

"You kept it?" Leela asked as Fry handed it to her.

He nodded.

Leela smiled and pulled a role of scotch-tape out of a drawer beside the bed. She looked around the room a moment until she found her half of the note on the floor. She picked it up.

Fry's eyes widened. "Is that-"

Leela nodded. "I was there when Michelle tore it in half. I got this half and kept it because.... well I guess it just reminded me that you kept it for that long.... maybe it left an imprint on you."

Fry smiled. "It reminded me who I really loved. Michelle's evil and I couldn't seem to get away from her, no matter how much I wanted to. The note just gave me the confidence to say no and to remember that I do hate her and I love you."

Leela took the two halves of the note and taped them together. "I hate her and love you too." She said and handed him the note. "For you."

Fry took it, then he remembered something. He pulled his coupon for flowers that he won a while ago out of his jacket pocket. "After we bail Bender out I'm getting you the best bouquet they have! Just.... no blue roses." He told her.

"I'm not to fond of blue roses, either." Leela said then leaned in to kiss him-

-And that's when the explosion sounds in the distance.

"Bet you five bucks Bender did that." Fry said with a sigh.

"Oh I know He did. It sounded like it came from the prison. Come on, we'd better go get him before he gets caught."

"Just another average day in New New York." Fry said as they walked out the door.

Five Minutes Later Outside Leela's Apartment.....

Sean woke up in the hallway with a massive headache, a bruised jaw and missing some teeth. "Ohhh..... man, how long was I out?"