Galactic Agent Gal
By Ramon 51
This fan fiction takes place after the end of the series, in the year
3005. Leela and the rest of the PE crew are about to be take part in
a new sort of adventure…the world of Intergalactic Espionage.
Opening Scene: The Mountains of Ceti Alpha 7
The camera is
focused on a snowmobile racing across the boulder strewn snowscape.
The driver is dressed in a white jump suit. The figure's hood
whips back, allowing a purple pony tail to flutter in the wind …it
is Turanga Leela. She has a determined look on her face as she zooms
across the snow.
The camera pulls
back and three other snow mobiles appear. Traveling in a loose "V"
formation, they are obviously in hot pursuit of Leela. The riders are
all clothed in black coveralls, wearing black helmets. Suddenly, the
lead snowmobile begins to fire. Positron discharges zip close by
Leela's head. Leela puts her snowmobile into a series of
violent "S" turns, weaving in and out of boulders.
As the pursuit
continues, one of her pursuers…too eager for a kill…crashes
into a boulder. The snowmobile explodes, sending a shockwave across
Leela thinks, "One
down, two to go."
Further up the
slope, snow begins to tumble down the mountain side…avalanche!
Her two pursuers begin to slowly close the gap, firing all the time.
Obsessed with catching Leela, they do not notice the roaring wall of
white death rapidly overtaking them. Leela realizes what is
happening and deliberately takes a track almost parallel to the
discharges whip past her. "Damn, they are getting close!"
she mutters. Just then the snow catches her rearmost pursuer.
Snowmobile and rider vanish in an instant, buried beneath tons of
onrushing snow and ice.
she thinks with a smile.
Leela veers to the left – rushing away from the oncoming
avalanche. The camera shot reveals she is headed straight for a
cliff! The onrushing snow is now only 100 meters behind…75
meters…now it engulfs her final pursuer…25 meters.
Just as the first
tendrils of snow are wrapping around her, Leela's snowmobile
shoots out over the cliff. Leela kicks free of the snowmobile. She
assumes a good, stable free-fall body position.
She thinks as the
ground rushes toward her, "How did I ever get into this
Scene One: The PE crew is gathered at the familiar conference
table, waiting for the Professor. He emerges from the direction of
the lab, waving a letter in his hand.
news everyone! We've all been invited to the ceremony and
formal state dinner for the opening of the new DOOP Headquarters.
Zoidberg will eat!
HERMES: Shut up,
you windy lobster! Is dot de one that crazy rascal Ray GunZ donated
And Ray is no crazier than I am. Although he is a good deal
wealthier. Oh my, yes.
HERMES: Anybody who
can donate billions to build a new DOOP Headquarters has to have more
money than sense.
BENDER: Billions as
a donation?! Whoa! (Beat) I wonder, what's in
Leela and Amy
roll their eyes.
AMY: (To Fry and
Leela) He is the only man I know of that is richer than my parents.
LEELA: You know
met him at a couple of state dinners. He and my dad have a few
business ventures going.
testily) Could we all please get back on track? I'm not
getting any younger you know!
LEELA: When is the
big event, Professor?
you for asking, Leela. It is one week from today. So we need to get
the ship ready to go to the Neutral System.
with an edge to her voice.) Is that idiot Zapp Brannigan going to be
Oh, I don't know. Who cares?
AMY: Can you
believe it? Only one week to shop! I've got to ask for an
advance on my allowance! Leela, what are you going to wear?
LEELA: My uniform.
I see you plan to show your usual fashion sense, Skin Tube.
AMY: G'uh! No
way! Why not wear that classy looking black number with the slit up
laughing) Why not your lime green tank top?
PROFESSOR: Will you
all stick to the task at hand!? Oh my, what will I wear?
Scene Two: The camera shows Leela plummeting towards the ground.
She is in a perfectly stable free-fall body position.
"Darn, I hate
freefall," she thinks. She looks at her Wristamajigy, which
also functions as an altimeter. It begins to blink red. "Time
Leela reaches back
and throws out a drogue chute. It catches perfectly and deploys a
snow camouflage colored square canopy out of her backpack. She
guides the chute to the ground. At just the right altitude, she
flares and executes a perfect standing landing.
gathers her chute and moves to the cover of a nearby ledge. She sits
quietly for a few minutes, watching and listening. Satisfied, she
presses a few buttons on her Wristamajigy.
LEELA: CRANE this is
WRISTAMAJIGY: SOLO this is CRANE, OVER.
LEELA: CRANE this is
SOLO, Mike Charlie, OVER.
VOICE: SOLO this is
CRANE, ROGER, Transmit, OVER.
LEELA: CRANE this is
SOLO, WILCO, Out.
Leela presses a few
buttons on her Wristamajigy. The Wristamajigy beeps a few times and
"Nothing to do
but wait for pickup," she thinks. While waiting, her mind
drifts back to the set of events that transformed her from Earthican
Agent 1BDI to Agent Solo of the Galactic Intelligence Agency.
Scene Three: Aboard the PE Ship.
Leela is piloting, in her uniform, no less! Fry is wearing a basic
black tuxedo as are Hermes, the Professor, Dwight, Cubert and
Zoidberg. Bender is wearing a bowtie and monocle. Amy is in an
emerald green dress with a slit up the side. LaBarbara is in a black
After a quick view of the PE crew, the camera switches to the new
DOOP headquarters. It is larger and more ornate than the old
Headquarters, destroyed by Zapp Brannigan. Dozens of ships are
parked in orbit around it.
refocuses on the interior of the PE Ship.
PROFESSOR: Oh my,
FRY: Cool! It
looks twice as big as the one Zapp blew up.
AMY: Look! My mom
and dad's ship!
So many pockets, so little time.
(Angrily.) Damn it, Bender! If you start indulging your kleptomania
during this party, I will personally throw you out an airlock!
BENDER: Ease up,
coffin stuffer! I was just joking. Besides, what is so important
about this shindig anyway?
PROFESSOR: Ray and
I have been friends for over 120 years. I first met him when he was
a Professor of Galactic History at Mars University. He helped finance
my first research into Atomic Monsters…oh my, yes.
FRY: Man, he must
be an old geezer then!
PROFESSOR: Not for
his race, no. He is from Cygnus 12. They often live to the ripe old
age of 900.
at the professor as if he has gone completely crazy. Hermes makes the
crazy sign behind the Professors back.
(Voice from Control
Panel) This is DOOP Headquarters Control, Ship approaching with IFF
Squawk 10011001, Identify.
Headquarters Control, this is Planet Express Ship, Galactic Registry
India Mike Charlie Romeo Zulu Yankee-Romeo Uniform One Two requesting
Express Ship, you are cleared for landing at VIP Pad One, your
approach vector 017 degrees. You are cleared for VFR approach at
your places everyone. Let's get ready for landing.
Scene Three: The Reception Line.
The ship lands and everyone disembarks. Leela leaves last. They
pass through several ornate corridors before they enter the main
hall, where a long reception line has formed. The main hall is
thronged with representatives from nearly every planet in the Galaxy.
About twenty spaces ahead in line stand Leo and Inez Wong.
AMY: Look, there
are my parents!
LEELA: Why don't
you go say hello to them?
They'll only start asking why Kif and I haven't had
grandchildren for them yet.
Kif going to be here?
here already. Didn't you see the Nimbus docked near the
with a tone of disgust) No, I must have missed it. Ugh! That means
that idiot Zapp is here!
worry Leela; we can pretend I'm still your fiancée…just
like we did on the Titanic.
archly.) Thanks Fry. I'll keep it in mind.
(OC) Familiar Female
Voice: Hello, sweetheart.
quickly. Her look of surprise changes to a broad smile. Standing in
line right behind the PE Crew are her parents, Morris and Munda.
LEELA: Mom! Dad!
What are you doing here?
MUNDA: I used to
teach at Mars University with Ambassador GunZ.
LEELA: You taught
at Mars University?
MUNDA: Of course, I
have a PhD in Alien Linguistics. They don't discriminate
against mutants at good old Mars U.
MORRIS: You look
LEELA: Thanks, dad.
MORRIS: So, how are
things working out with you and Fry?
LEELA: (Giving a
"Shut up" look) Later, dad.
Scene Four: Making tracks. The camera gives a distant shot of Leela,
sitting beneath a rock ledge. The only sound is the wind.
Leela gets to her
feet and slings the parachute over her shoulder. The camera pans in
the direction she is looking. A snow speeder is heading her way,
barely skimming the snow; it heads straight for Leela, stopping just
a few meters away. It looks vaguely like an old "Star Trek"
shuttlecraft, but it has a turret on the top.
The door closest to
Leela opens, and Amy appears in the doorway.
AMY: (With a grin.)
Somebody call a Taxi?
toward the speeder.) You bet.
get off this rock as fast as we can. Our job is done.
Leela enters the
speeder and jumps into the pilot seat (left front). Amy climbs into
the co-pilot seat. Both strap themselves in.
LEELA: (To Amy.)
Who's on the turret?
AMY: Fry, who else?
Leela and Amy
get to the good old Planet Express Ship and go home. (Into head mike)
Stand by for acceleration.
Leela floors it and
the speeder roars away over the snow. The speeder has only gone a
short distance when the radar screen in front of Amy begins to blink.
AMY: I have three
bogies, bearing one eight zero relative, Angels three, distance one
zero kilometers, and speed three-zero-zero.
AMY: Three six zero
LEELA: (Into head
mike.) Stand by for action.
A hum fills the
cockpit as the positron cannon begins to charge.
LEELA: Amy, can you
tell me what we are facing?
(Curses in Cantonese.) (Beat) Mark Two Marauders.
LEELA: Well, we
can't outrun them…that is sure, but they are far less
maneuverable than we are (frowning). Fry, hold your fire until I give
the word. Amy, stand by with ECM and rockets. When I give the word
Fry, you fire at the closest Marauder and Amy, you start the music.
Fire rockets at your discretion.
As she listens
increasing Doppler of the approaching Marauders Leela thinks, "How
do I get into these messes?"
Scene Five: Through the Gauntlet.
The PE Crew reaches the end of the reception line. They finally see
their host and hostess. At first glance Ray looks very similar to
Adlai Adkins, except his hair is jet black and he has green eyes. He
is also taller and has a decidedly muscular build. The lady at his
side is a dead ringer for Umbriel from Atlantis…except she has
fully functional legs. Ray is wearing a very simple tuxedo, while
the lady wears a scarlet evening dress of conservative cut. The PE
crew approaches in the following order: Professor, Cubert, Fry,
Hermes, LaBarbara, Dwight, Amy, Leela, Morris, Munda, Bender, and
RAY: (With genuine
joy) Professor Farnsworth, my dear old friend! How are you?
should I say…Ambassador GunZ! I'm old and senile…how
the hell do you think I should be? Er, uh, who is this lovely lady?
Is it your wife?
Thank you for the compliment. I am Ray's younger sister,
Virginia. It is a pleasure to meet you, Sir. Ray has told me so
much about you.
(Enthusiastically with an obviously smitten expression on his face)
Hello, Virginia! I'm Cubert…Professor Farnsworth's
Hello, Cubert. It is a pleasure to meet you, sir.
RAY: (To Professor.)
You will sit at our table, along with the rest of your crew. They
all came, did they not?
(Distractedly) Uh, What? Why yes, yes of course. I'll see you
at dinner. Come on Cubert! Quit drooling, damn it!
exits with a protesting Cubert in tow.
RAY: So, you must be
Phillip J. Fry.
FRY: (Gawking at
Virginia) Uh…yes. I mean, yes your majesty.
RAY: (laughing) No
need for that, just call me Ray.
FRY: (Still Looking
at Virginia) Thanks, Ray.
RAY: Virginia, may
I present the Phillip J. Fry, scourge of the Brain
Spawn. Mr. Fry, may I present my younger sister, Virginia.
impressed) Oh, Mr. Fry! You are a hero to my people. I am so
honored to meet you. (Turning to Ray) Is Mr. Fry seated near me?
RAY: On your left.
did you know about the Brain Spawn?
tell you at dinner. Oh, I am so glad to meet you.
FRY: (looking dazed)
See you at dinner. (Fry exits)
RAY: Hermes Conrad!
And I take it this is your lovely wife, LaBarbara and your son
HERMES: Mon, how
did you know all dat?
RAY: Trade secret.
(Laughing) Seriously, I love the limbo. You were quite a champion.
LaBARBARA: Dat he
was. My Mon is still a champion to my eyes.
RAY: Of course!
Hermes, LaBarbara, and Dwight Conrad, please allow me to introduce
you to my sister, Virginia.
(Virginia shakes hands and the family Conrad moves along).
Turanga Leela! A pleasure to meet you.
sorry Ambassador, but how did you know my name?
RAY: (laughing) I
stay in touch with your parents. We've known each other for
over 20 years. Captain Turanga Leela, may I present my sister,
VIRGINIA: I am very
pleased to meet you.
RAY: Morris and
Munda how are you?
MORRIS: Pretty well,
MUNDA: Very well,
Ambassador. How have you been?
RAY: So, how should
I be? (Laughs) I'm Fine. (Beat.) I look forward to dining with
you tonight. (Leela and her parents exit the line).
Bender. Staying out of diplomacy lately?
BENDER: What the?
How did you know about that?
(Ray reaches into
his pocket and pulls out what looks like a car key fob. He presses
it and the rounded end of Bender's antenna begins to blink
RAY: Stay loose.
I'll speak to you later.
patriotism chip! (Bender exits the line, muttering to himself)
RAY: Dr John
Zoidberg. So, how's business?
ZOIDBERG: Oy! If I
was selling hats, babies would be born without heads!
RAY: What can you
RAY: John, I should
like that you meet my sister, Virginia.
"Charmed" in Decapodian.)
manners! You do your parents credit, young lady! (Zoidberg exits the
RAY: (To Virginia.)
Now, the cast is complete. Let's make things happen.
Scene Six: Dogfight over the snow.
The camera focuses on the snow speeder skimming along the snow. The
camera pulls back and rotates to show that the three Marauders are
coming up from behind and above the speeder. The Marauders look like
flying Manta Rays. Each Marauder has a missile slung under each
The scene moves to
the cockpit of the speeder.
AMY: They are trying
for missile lock!
LEELA: (Into head
mike) Fry, are they in range?
FRY: Not yet.
LEELA: Amy, if they
pop a missile, hit the music.
AMY: WILCO. (Beat)
(In a tense voice) They've got a lock! Multiple missiles
inbound! (Amy punches a series of buttons and the Song "Highway
to the Danger Zone" begins to play.)
The Marauders each
launch a single missile. At first, the missiles fly straight and
true. As they approach the speeder, they begin to behave
erratically. The first simply explodes well short of the speeder.
The second pitches up, then down, and explodes on contact with the
ground. The third begins to spiral crazily before it finally
explodes in mid-air.
AMY: Woo-hoo! Take
that! (Beat) Bogies closing fast Leela! Looks like they won't
waste any more missiles on us.
FRY: I've got
one of them in my sights, Leela!
LEELA: Fire! (The
speeder resounds with the crackling sound of positron cannon fire.)
FRY: Got him!
The lead Marauder
begins to smoke and lose altitude. It pancakes into the snow,
flipping over several times before coming to a rest in a smoking and
twisted heap. The other two Marauders return fire. The camera pulls
back to show the Marauders pouring positron fire at the twisting
speeder. The turret of the speeder is firing back…keeping the
Marauders busy. Suddenly, one of the Marauders scores a hit on the
turret. The scene switches to inside the speeder's cockpit.
(Sound of a LOUD
hit! (Curses in Cantonese) (She looks at the lights blinking on the
panel in front of her) They got the turret.
Wisps of smoke begin
to drift into the cockpit.
LEELA: Fry! Report!
(Beat) (With anxiety in her voice) Fry! Are you OK? (Beat) Amy,
hang on, I'm going to deploy the air brakes and those bastards
will fly right by. I'll fire the cannon, you toggle the
missiles as soon as you get a tone.
Amy: Got it!
Leela hits a button
on the console and the speeder abruptly decelerates. The Marauders
overshoot the speeder. Their actions show they are experienced
pilots. One breaks right and the other breaks left in a desperate
attempt to get back onto the speeders tail.
AMY: Targeting right
bogey! (Beat) I've got tone. Firing!
Amy fires two
missiles at the Marauder banking to the right. Leela wrenches the
speeder into a tight left turn and pours laser cannon fire at the
other Marauder. The first burst misses, but the second shears the
Marauder's left wing in half. It goes into an uncontrollable
spin and impacts into the ground with a shattering explosion.
LEELA: (With a
quick look at the crashed Marauder) Burn, you bastard!
Marauder is desperately trying to shake the two missiles. One
missile misses the target, while the other explodes off the Marauders
right swing. At first, nothing seems to have happened. Then, black
smoke begins to pour out of the right engine. The Marauder begins to
lose speed. Leela maneuvers the speeder directly aft of the
Marauder. At only 100 meters, Leela fires the laser cannon again.
The Marauder explodes in a fiery ball through which the speeder
flies…emerging unscathed on the other side.
LEELA: Amy, check on
AMY: On the way.
LEELA: Why did I
ever expose my friends to this kind of danger?
Scene Seven: The approach. The crew is seated at the one of many
round tables arranged throughout the cavernous main hall at DOOP
Headquarters. They have obviously just finished dinner. At the head
of the table is Ray GunZ. Starting to his right are Turanga Leela,
Turanga Morris, Turanga Munda, Zoidberg, Bender, Fry, Virginia GunZ
,the Professor, Cubert, Dwight Conrad, Hermes, LaBarbara, Kif Kroeker
(In DOOP uniform), Amy and an unidentified woman. The woman looks
just like Morgan Proctor except that she wears her shoulder length
red hair loosely. She is wearing a low cut green dress.
AMY: (To the woman
on her right) I'm sorry, but how do you pronounce your name
WOMAN: (With a
slight foreign accent) No need to apologize. Mariana Putin…it's
a Russian name.
RAY: (To Amy)
Mariana is one of my top business agents.
AMY: Really? Wow!
Ray gives me too much credit. I'm just one of the many who
help run his business empire. But tonight is for celebration, not
The camera focuses
RAY: (To Leela).
Captain Leela, have you ever been to the Cygnus system?
RAY: Please, call
you'll call me Leela.
(The band begins to play "Wish You Were Here" by
Gregorian) Leela, would you care to dance?
Leela looks toward
Fry and sees he is already escorting Virginia onto the floor.
Ray leads Leela onto
the floor and they begin to dance. They dance silently for a moment.
Leela keeps glancing at Fry and Virginia. The way they are holding
each other is certainly not like they are newly acquainted.
Virginia's skin is showing silver highlights that seem to pass
over her in waves. Ray notices how distracted Leela seems.
RAY: Leela, are you
upset about Fry dancing with Virginia?
shouting) No! (More quietly) No, not at all. (Squinting while
looking at Virginia and Fry) She looks like she is shimmering.
RAY: The silver
shimmer is an involuntary Cygnian sign of attraction….much
like human blushing. May I ask you something?
LEELA: Go ahead.
RAY: Have your
parents ever told you what they do for a living?
LEELA: What an odd
question. Well, no they haven't.
RAY: To make a long
story short, they have worked with me many times on classified
government projects over the past twenty years. Your mother and
father are two of the most brilliant people…each in their own
field…that I have ever met.
Stop teasing me.
RAY: No, I'm
serious. Leela, because of their service and because of your record,
I would like to discuss a proposal with you. And tell you more about
Here on the dance floor?
RAY: (Laughing) No.
Tomorrow, let's meet for lunch at the Café across the
street from Planet Express. They have a meeting room that I use from
time to time. Around 11:30. What do you say?
LEELA: (Pausing to
look at Fry and Virginia) Sure, why not?
Scene Eight: Up and away. The camera focuses on Leela in the speeder
(OC) AMY: (Shouting)
He's OK! Just a little stunned and singed!
Amy climbs into
her seat and straps herself in.
LEELA: (Relieved) I
should have known.
AMY: His intercom
went out. He was busy trying to get the turret gun back into
LEELA: Well, we'll
be out of here soon.
The camera pulls
back to show the Planet Express ship dead ahead of the speeder. The
PE Ship has the cargo bay hoist fully down. Bender is standing in
the bay. He is holding a set of the paddles used on Aircraft
Carriers to give pilots visual instructions for landing. Bender does
a few wig-wags. Then, Leela maneuvers the speeder into the bay for a
The camera view
switches to the interior of the speeder cockpit.
AMY: All systems
powering down, Leela.
FRY: (Climbing down
from the turret) (His hair is frizzed out like an Afro and he is
extremely sooty) Man, all that exposure to positron radiation sure
makes me thirsty! (Sees reflection in window) Oh crud! I look like
Leela and Amy
both laugh. Fry joins in as well.
AMY and FRY:
(Simultaneously) Yes, Captain!
They proceed to the
PE Ship Bridge, where Mariana Putin is at the helm.
for liftoff, Captain.
LEELA: OK, let's
get out of here, Mariana.
The camera switches
to an exterior view and watches as the ship lifts off, heading into
space. For once, no one seems to be following them.
LEELA: Take us
home, Mariana by the shortest possible route. I suggest we all
change into our regular clothes. Fry, you take a shower and for
Pete's sake, comb your hair. We'll debrief in one hour.
Mariana, you have the helm.
Scene Nine: The pitch. The camera focuses on Leela as she exits the
Planet Express building. She crosses the street to the Café.
Ray is nowhere in sight. She selects a seat near the street and
glances at her Wristamajigy.
(OC) RAY: Hello,
LEELA: (Turning to
face Ray.) Ray, where did you come from?
RAY: That is a
Oh, a man of mystery! I am just dying to hear your proposal.
RAY: Let's go
into the Café. As I said, there is a private room where we
Leela rises and
follows Ray into the Café. They go behind the counter and
enter a storeroom. Ray bends down and lifts a trap door. They
descend into what looks like a well furnished office.
RAY: Here we are!
Leela, I won't beat around the bush. I promised to tell you a
bit more about your parents and make you an offer as well. As you
know, your mother has a PhD in Alien Linguistics. What you may not
realize is that your father is a PhD Quantum Mathematician.
Together, your parents have served as the greatest code breaking team
in the 500 year history of the Galactic Intelligence Agency.
and shocked.) What?!
true. They probably saved DOOP a dozen times. I admire them more
than any of the people I have worked with in my past 40 years with
the Agency. Because of their service and your talents, I'd like
to make you an offer. Would you like to come to work for the Agency?
Me? Work for the Agency? Doing what?
RAY: I believe
you'd make an excellent Intelligence Officer.
LEELA: But I can't
leave Planet Express…what would the Professor do?
RAY: You wouldn't
have to leave. I've been the Hubert's silent partner for
a year now. Since that time, Planet Express has been an Agency front
company. We ran it for a year without performing any intelligence
work to make sure no one suspected our involvement. Your job as a
Space Captain in a delivery service gives you perfect cover to travel
throughout the Galaxy.
I don't know.
draw an additional salary of three thousand bucks a
month, plus expenses.
LEELA: Where do I
Scene Ten: Home Again. The camera shows the Planet Express ship
approaching Earth. The camera then zooms onto the bridge. Leela is
piloting. Fry and Bender are on the couch. Mariana is at the
astronavigation panel. Amy is standing next to Leela.
AMY: Some trip.
LEELA: All in a
day's work. (Beat) (Frowning) Do you think it is worth it?
AMY: Spleesh! Are
you kidding? This is the coolest work in the Galaxy.
LEELA: Fry could
have been killed today. If that had happened, I'd never
AMY: Leela, why
worry about things that haven't happened?
FRY: Yeah, Leela.
I've never worried about that sort of stuff.
BENDER: You meat
bags always worry about dying. What's the point?
AMY and LEELA: (In
unison.) Shut up, Bender!
The PE ship lands in
the Planet Express Docking Bay. Everyone disembarks. As the group
they meander to the conference table. Fry stops to get coffee.
Bender pulls out a bottle of "Olde Fortran" as he sits
down. Just as everyone sits down, the Professor enters from the
direction of the lab.
BENDER: Aw, crap! I
don't like the sound of that.
AMY: We just got
FRY: Crud! Not
PROFESSOR: Oh my,
LEELA: OK Professor,
where are we off to now?
PROFESSOR: You are
going to deliver a several crates of burn cream to Urectum. It's
a mission of mercy.
least it's a short trip.