Futurama

Fan Fiction

Future Smart
By Frosty

[Newly appointed Agent 86, otherwise know as Phillip J. Fry, entered Control’s building at 6 PM. After verifying his identity the rows of steel doors began to open. Watching them open one by one, he carried his brief case down the corridor to the telephone booth at the end. Entering the code, he felt the floor of the booth sink down into the underground lab. The door opened and his saw a blond woman sitting at a desk.]

Woman: Welcome Mr. Fry.

Fry: Hello Kelly.

Kelly: The Chief is waiting for you.

Fry: Excellent.

[He made his way to the conference room and opened the doors. Sitting in his usual seat next to the chief he opened his brief case.]

Chief: Now lets start this meeting. Phil?

Fry: Thank you sir. I received a tip that Kaos has obtained nuclear weapons and plans on manufacturing more to distribute to dictators.

[Agent 23, who was a large muscular man, was sitting next to Fry. Looking at the papers Fry had passed around he turned back to him.]

23: So where are they manufacturing them?

Fry: There is a underground lab somewhere on the planet Moscow. That’s all I could find, but I have a feeling if someone went, we’d be able to learn more.

Chief: Great job Phil.

[Agent 64, across from Fry who was a bald 40-something year old, went over the papers.]

Chief: Now, somehow, Kaos has learned the identities of out agents, so we need someone who’s okay with going on a risky missions.

64: Put me out there chief, I have no problem with exposing myself.

[Everyone stared at him, and Fry put his hand up to his chin.]

Fry: Do you ever think before you speak?

64: No, I just whip it out there.

Chief: Phil, you and agent 99 are going tomorrow while 23 and 64 do research here letting you know of a location.

Fry: Wait, I’m not familiar with Agent 99.

Chief: Don’t worry, but for now this meeting is dismissed. Phil, stay here.

[While everyone left, Fry stayed in his seat, smoothing out his tie.]

Fry: Sir, I’m a little nervous. I mean, it’s my first mission.

Chief: Don’t worry, you’ll have an experienced agent helping you. You’ve done great in training and you’ll do fine.

[Fry shook his head and there was a knock at the door.]

Chief: That’s 99, I asked her to meet us here.

[His words took a moment to register in Fry’s brain.]

Fry: Her?

[The chief opened the door and a thin woman with a motorcycle helmet came in. Putting down her bag, she took off her helmet letting her hair fall on her shoulders. Fry’s eyes went wide and his throat went dry.]

Fry: Leela?

[She looked up and her jaw dropped.]

Leela: Fry?

Chief: Oh, you two know each other.

[Leela sat down next to Fry and put her hair back up in a ponytail. Fry watched and the chief snapped his fingers.]

Chief: Phil!

Fry: Oh, sorry sir.

Chief: Now, your ship leaves for Moscow at 0600 hours. So we have a lot to go over and- Phil stop staring at 99!

[Fry shook his head and sat up straight.]

Fry: Yes sir.

Chief: Now as I was saying, Kaos has found out the identities of most of our field agents. So you two have to be careful. But here’s your mission: there’s a man named Frisniche and he’s a possible manufacture of nuclear weapons. Now, you have to find him and figure out if he’s in contact with Kaos’ leader Siegfried.


[The chief had left Fry and Leela, and the two of them sat awkwardly in the conference room.]

Leela: I cant believe this.

Fry: Me neither, I mean when did you start doing this?

Leela: About 9 years ago. You?

Fry: I had a desk job in the 20th century and rejoined a few years ago.

[After talking for awhile, Leela left and Fry was about to leave when his friends Bruce and Lloyd came up to him.]

Fry: Oh, hey guys.

Lloyd: Hey Fry, we made you something for your first mission.

Fry: Oh cool, what is it?

Bruce: Here just look.

[They handed him a red Swiss army knife.]

Fry: Wow, this is great.

Lloyd: We made some modifications to it.

Fry: Really? Like what?

Lloyd: Well, there’s a crossbow, laser, flamethrower-

Fry: Flamethrower?

[He pressed a button and a large flame appeared. Fry jumped back and turned it off.]

Fry: Well thanks guys. I’ll see you when I get back.


[The next morning Fry and Leela were at the space port each with an empty suitcase. They were given orders to act as husband and wife, so they each had on a gold wedding band and had to tell everyone at Planet Express that they were going on a business trip. Once checking in as Mr. and Mrs. Blake, they took their seats waiting for the ship to take off. After sitting there for a few minutes in silence, the ship took off and Fry turned his head to Leela as she was flipping through a magazine.]

Fry; You know, I feel really good about us being partners.

Leela: Just don’t do anything stupid.

Fry: I wont don’t worry. But I think since we’re suppose to be husband and wife, we should get our story straight.

Leela: Okay. We met on a business trip in Vegas. Married a year later. I love your parents, but you hate mine. No kids.

Fry: Do we want kids?

Leela: Well, you do. I’m focusing on my career.

Fry: But that’s not fair.

Leela: Fry, it’s fine.

Fry: I’m just saying, your eggs could dry up and fall out of your uterus.

Leela: That’s crazy.

Fry: No, it’s a medical fact.

Leela: Look, I have plenty of time to make this decision and I don’t need any pressure from you or my mother.

[She turned her head to face him.]

Leela: Oh my God.

Fry: What?

Leela; (whisper) There’s a big scary guy back there that just screams “I’m a bad guy and I’m here to kill you”.

[Fry started to turn his head and Leela smacked his shoulder.]

Leela: Don’t look! Use your peripherals.

[Fry widened his eyes, straining them.]

Leela: Do you see him?

Fry: I cant really see anything, I’m just widening my eyes.

Leela: Well trust me, he’s bad.

Fry: Okay, just because he’s large, doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. I mean-

[He turned his head and saw a very large, ugly man sitting in the back row. Fry turned around and gasped.]

Fry: Oh! (whisper) Wow! That’s a bad guy, that’s a really bad guy.

Leela: Yeah,

Fry: (whisper) Did you see his face? His heads look like one of the Easter Island heads.

Leela: Okay, that’s enough.

[Fry crossed his legs and looked down at his shoe. There was a large wad of gum on the right sole.]

Fry: Great, I’ve got gum on my new shoes.

[He reached in his pocket and found a match. Scraping the gum off of his shoe, the man sitting behind him saw the match in his fingers and screamed.]

Man: He’s trying to light his shoe on fire. It’s a shoe bomb!

[Everyone gasped and looked at Fry.]

Fry: No, no, no, no, no. I’ve got gum on my shoe.

Woman: He’s got a gun!

Fry: No, I said gum!

[A security guard tackled Fry as Leela watched shaking her head.]

Guard: You’re under arrest!

Fry: Sir, I believe you may of crushed my spine!


[Fry was sitting at the front of the ship with the plastic handcuffs on. Leela had left her seat and sat in the empty one across from him and coughed loudly to get his attention.]

Fry: Well, you were no help at all.

Leela: I’m sorry, I’m just a old woman with a dusty uterus.

Fry: I never said “dusty”.

[A light on his watch went off and he looked at Leela.]

Fry: We’re in the atmosphere and nearing the drop sight. I’ll go first.

Leela: In your handcuffs?

Fry : No handcuffs can contain me.

[The guard came by and Fry tapped his arm.]

Fry: I need to use the facilities.

Guard: Fine, come on.

[He led Fry to the bathroom and closed the door. Once Fry had locked it, he kicked off his shoe and opened a tiny compartment on the bottom. Inside was his Swiss army knife.]

Fry: (thinking) Okay, what can I use to break these handcuffs? Oh! Crossbow,

[Fry carefully prepped the bow and put it in his mouth. Hitting the button with his teeth, the arrow was fired and it hit the sink, bounced off and hit Fry in the face.]

Fry; Ow!

[He shook the pain away and prepped the bow again. The next arrow went through the upper part of his ear.]

Fry: God!

[Outside Leela could hear him screaming.]

Leela: (thinking) That’s two stupid things.

[Back in the bathroom, Fry had a arrow in his cheek, his ear, and now his foot. Firing the next one, it hit him in a not so pleasant place.]

[Leela looked up when she heard Fry again.]

Fry: (OS) Ball sack!

Leela: (thinking) Oh Lord.

Fry: (OS) Oh does that burn!

[The guard knocked on the door to the bathroom when he heard Fry scream for the third time.]

Guard: You okay in there?

Fry: (OS) Oh yeah,

[Inside, Fry had another arrow in his nose and one in the back of his neck. Taking them all out, he realized something.]

Fry: (thinking) I could use the flame thrower! Wait, not a good idea. Then what can I use?

[He looked at all the choices and found a pair of scissors. Cutting his hands cuffs, he took them off and pressed a button on the ceiling. But he forgot to flip the mirror and put on the parachute that was hidden under it.]

[Leela’s watched beeped and she walked in the bathroom. After she locked the door, she flipped the mirror and saw the two parachutes.]

Leela: Damn,

[She put the one on and dropped through the floor.]


[Leela saw Fry free falling and screaming. She sighed and grabbed him, pulling the parachute.]

Fry: Leela!

Leela: What?

Fry: Easter Island!

Leela: What are you talking about?

[She turned her head and saw the big scary man coming down with the other parachute. He took out a knife and slashed their parachute. Leela unhooked it and let go of Fry.]

Leela: I’ll be right back.

Fry: Where could you possibly be going?!

[She got a knife out of her pocket and slashed the parachute on “Easter Island’s” back. He was still free falling, and didn’t even notice Leela. She went back to Fry and grabbed him.]

Fry: Oh, good you’re back.

[They kept freefalling and then, Leela felt something around her. Fry screamed and she saw “Easter Island” behind her.]

Leela: Fry, do something!

[Fry kicked him in a sensitive area, but it didn’t do anything. Leela did it again with her heel, but he just laughed.]

Fry: That would of worked on me!

[When Leela couldn’t think of anything else, she turned her head and kissed “Easter Island”. It shocked him and he let go of Fry and Leela and she pulled the cord to the emergency parachute. As they got closer to the ground, Fry saw a farm under them.]

Fry: Land in the hay pile!

Leela: Stop talking!

[She landed gracefully on the ground (next to the hay pile) and unhooked the parachute.]

Fry: You missed it.

[The two of them were walking down the trail towards town.]

Leela: So, you’ve done three stupid things so far.

Fry: Okay, you know what, I didn’t want to bring this up, but I got a higher score than you on your agent field exam. So why don’t you-

Leela: Wait, what?

Fry: I scored 8 points higher than you. That is the difference between a “A” and a “A minus”!

Leela: This is not a classroom, this is-

Fry: You’re just jealous because I got a better score-

[They kept arguing and Fry finally got the last word.]

Fry: “A minus”!

Leela: Okay, then tell me, what do you do if you’re confronted with a assassin?

[He reached behind his back and up his jacket taking out his gun.]

Fry: I pull out my gun and-

[Leela quickly took it and pointed it at his head.]

Leela; You don’t have a gun.

Fry: I did before you took it.

Leela: Bam! You’re dead.

[She kept pointed the gun at him saying “Dead, dead, dead, dead.” while Fry kept saying “Stop!”]

Fry: I don’t like it when you shoot me. Stop!

Leela: Look, out here there is no “A” or “A minus”. Okay? There’s “Dead” and “Not dead.” Do you understand that?

Fry: Yes.

Leela: Good.

[She grabbed his belt and put the gun in his pants.]

Fry: Ah! Cold, cold! (pause) But flattering.

Leela: Oh my God.

Fry: You know, I’m not completely useless without a weapon.

Leela: Really? Than prove it.

Fry: Try to hit me.

[She hit him with no trouble and Fry put up his hands.]

Fry: I wasn’t ready!

Leela: Just drop it.

[She continued, leaving Fry.]

Leela: And take the gun out of your pants!

Fry: What? Maybe I’m just happy to see you.


[Fry and Leela were sitting at a Russian restaurant keeping an eye out for agents of Kaos.]

Leela: You know, if you keep being so careless we’re both going to get killed. Next time you do something stupid, I’m gonna punch you in the face.

Fry: Is that just something you like to do on a regular basis? “It’s 3:00, time to punch Fry in the face.” “I’m gonna have some bread, then punch Fry in the face.” “Oh look a box of puppies, time to punch Fry in the face.”.

Leela: “Fry’s being annoying, so I’m going to punch him in the face.”

Fry: Okay, just forget it. I have to go to the bathroom.

[Fry got up and went into the bathroom. There was a tall man with a beard talking to a short skinny man. They both spoke in Russian and Fry was thankful that Control implanted a chip in his brain that let him understand virtually every language. After listening to the conversation, he walked out of the urinal stall, and up to the sink.]

Fry: I have to say, I love this planet. Ever since the fall of communism, no rules of any kind? I ran over an old lady earlier; best vacation ever.

[Fry’s watched beeped and he smiled.]

Fry: Time for my pill.

[He walked out and sat back down with Leela.]

Fry: There’s this guy in the bathroom who’s really hot.

Leela: Whoa, okay then.

Fry: No, I mean he’s radioactive hot.

Leela: How did you know?

Fry: My watch beeps when ever close to radioactive materials. (whisper) See that guy?

[Leela turned around and saw the man with a beard.]

Fry: (whisper) He was talking about nuclear weapons. I think he might be our lead to Kaos.

Leela: Then we should follow him.

[They walked out and found a motorized scooter, and followed the mans car.]


[Fry and Leela parked the scooter and hid behind a old shed. Fry saw the man from the restaurant giving the guard a carton of soup.]

Fry: Of course, duck blood soup. It’s Nicolai’s favorite.

[Leela looked around the corner but heard a rustling behind her. Turning around, she saw Fry trying to open a small packet of crackers.]

Fry: What? I didn’t get to eat at the restaurant. And if you skip a meal, then the next one you over indulge and-

Leela: Then give me one I didn’t get anything either.

[He handed her the bag and she threw it into the water. Fry heard a duck quack and looked back at her.]

Fry: You owe me three dollars.

[Leela shook her head and looked back at the house.]

Leela: Oh great.

Fry: What?

Leela: There’s a guard.

Fry: Don’t worry, I’ll take care of him.

[He took the pocket knife out of his pocket and then took out a small dart.]

Leela: What’s that?

Fry: Miniature blowgun; small but powerful. He’s a little far, so I’ll have to give this a little more power.

[He took a deep breath and was about to shoot the dart at the guard, but accidentally swallowed it. He fainted and Leela sighed.]

Leela: Four.


[Fry started opening his eyes and groaned loudly.]

Fry: Oh man.

Leela: Oh, good. You’re up.

[He saw Leela standing in front of him wearing a silky grey dress with slits up her thighs. She also had on a brown wig that came down to her just below her ear lobes.]

Fry: Is that a wig?

Leela: Yeah, it came with the dress.

[Fry sat up and saw what he was wearing.]

Fry: How did this tux get on me?

Leela: That’s not important.

Fry: Am I wearing boxers?

Leela: Just come on.

Fry: For future reference I prefer briefs.

Leela: Even when their stained?

Fry: I was free falling at 20,000 feet without a parachute!

[He stood up and they walked inside of Nicolai’s house, where Leela flashed a bit of her thigh to get in. They stood there watching all the people dancing.]

Fry: There’s so many people, how are we going to find him?

[A man with curly brown hair came up behind.]

Man: (Russian) Hello, I’m Nicolai Frisniche. Welcome to my party.

[He said something else and Leela smiled.]

Leela: I’d love to dance.

[Nicolai took her arm and led her onto the floor. Fry followed closely.]

Nicolai: I hope your date doesn’t mind.

Leela: Oh, he’s not my date. He’s a stable boy I hired to drive me around. Sad story though, he’s partially deaf and quite dumb.

[She turned around and looked at Fry.]

Leela: (slow) I am going to dance now. You go get yourself some punch.

[Fry stared blankly for a moment and finally mumbled an answer.]

Fry: (mumbling) Okay,

[Leela started walking away and Fry just stood there.]

Leela: I don’t even know how much gets through to him.

[Fry walked away and started searching the house.]

[About 10 minutes went by and he still had nothing. Going back to the ball room, he saw Leela still dancing with Nicolai. The music stopped and she looked at him. He motioned for her to follow him, but she shook her head. After trying to get her to come, he finally made his way to the dance floor.]

[A few minutes later, Fry and Leela were talking in the coat closet. Fry had to get her attention by dancing with a woman who weighed about 300 pounds.]

Leela: Did you see something when I was dancing?

Fry: Just once, but I don’t think you expected him to life you so high.

Leela: You’re an idiot, you know that right?

Fry: What?

Leela: Any way, he has a computer in the den on the other side of his house.

Fry: How did you find that out? Did you kiss him? Show a little cleavage? I’m not judging, that just seems like your strategy.

[Leela angrily glared at him.]

Leela: We’re going to have to find another way in,

Fry: Fine, lets call the chief.

Leela: I’m ready to work, are you ready to work?

Fry: I’m ready to work, are you ready to work?

Leela: Oh my God.

Fry: I’m just saying you seemed to be having fun showing off your-

[Leela smacked him and he glared.]

Fry: Hey! What was that?


[Fry and Leela were hiding behind bush talking to the chief on the phone.]

Fry: Chief, there’s like 6 guards. We’re gonna need another way in.

Chief: Well, there’s one other entrance but-

Leela: But what?

Chief: You might want to throw your shoes away after.


Fry: Great, rats and poop.

Leela: Oh come on, it’s not so bad. It’s not the sewer, it’s a storm drain.

Fry: Well lets just get what we need and leave.

[Leela stopped and looked up.]

Leela: Here.

[She clamped a small device on a wire that paused the security camera. Then, she took out a pack of dental floss and stuck it to the ceiling.]

Leela: Exploding dental floss.

[She hit a button on the box and the floss exploded. Fry and Leela stuck their heads through the hole and Leela threw a smoke bomb, and a bunch of lasers appeared.]

Leela: Okay, we have to be careful.

[She tore her dress so it wasn’t so long and she carefully started to make her way through the beams. She turned her head and looked at Fry.]

Leela: Are you staring at my butt?

Fry: What? No. I was, and now I am, but…

Leela: Just watch what I do.

[Fry watched as she made her way through the beams again, trying not to stare at her. She smoothly stood up and her wig hit one of the beams. The strand burned off and fell to the floor.]

Leela: Okay Fry, just so you know, any part of you that touches these beams, gets sliced off.

Fry: One more reason why boxers were a bad idea.

[She did a few flips, handstands, and other moves to finally get to the other side.]

Leela: Come on.

[Fry crawled on the floor and began to make his way to the other side of the hall. He, like Leela, did a few handstands, and sleek moves to get to the other side. Leela watched as he ended a handstand in the splits.]

Leela: Wow, impressive.

[Fry gave her a look that said “It was nothing” and he continued. He got to a tricky spot, but passed it with no problem.]

Leela: Good, good.

[Fry smirked and she sighed.]

Leela: Well it wasn’t that good.

[He was almost there and Leela gasped when she saw a rat on his back.]

Leela: (thinking) Oh, please don’t let him see it!

[The rat crawled up his back and went down his jacket. Fry stopped and started freaking out.]

Leela: Fry, just stay calm, don’t-

[Fry was moving spastically and his suit was burned by the lasers. He finally made his way to Leela and the rat crawled out of his pant leg.]

Fry: Lets go.

[They walked to the den and Leela sat at the computer. Fry was looking at the other rooms and found one with about 25 strands of beads for the door. Fry moved them out of the way but they broke off and fell to the floor. He walked back to the den.]

Fry: Any luck?

Leela: No, he’s got a finger print scanner.

Fry: Wait.

[He breathed on the scanner and the computer started logging in.]

Fry: The old “Hot air from your breath-sticks to everything-but the oil from the last thumb print” trick.

Leela: Great job Fry.

[She looked through the files and her eye went wide.]

Leela: Look at this.

Fry: He’s shipping radioactive chemicals, but the weird thing is that they were shipped to a bakery on 75th street.

Leela: So we have to go check it out.

Fry: Yeah, this is definitely our guy. Your boyfriend is a very bad man.

Leela: And a great kisser.

Fry: Ignoring that.

Leela: I’m kidding.

Fry: Come on, lets get out of here.

[A man came running down the hall and Fry tipped over the desk. They hid behind it and pulled out their guns, shooting at the man. Another man came running down the hall, but tripped on the beads Fry had knocked down and fell, hitting his head hard.]

Fry: I set that up.

Leela: Right, lets go.

[A man came out of one of the rooms and started shooting at them. Fry motioned for Leela to get a head start and Fry shot his gun a few times before following her. Once he turned the corner, he saw two men holding her back.]

Fry: Let her go.

[The man from the restaurant came up behind Fry and pointed a gun at him.]

Man: Freeze. Give me your gun.

[Fry did and smiled at Leela.]

Fry: I’m not completely useless without a gun.

[He turned around, knocked the one gun from the mans hand, and took the other one. Unfortunately, he ended up pointing it at himself and the man took it back. Soon, he and Leela were fighting off all of them and defeated them easily. The gun was at Leela’s feet when Nicolai came in.]

Nicolai: Even though I have to kill beautiful girl and her retarded stable boy, I will sleep like baby.

[Leela kicked the gun up and Fry caught it, shooting Nicolai, killing him.]

Fry: Come on, lets go.


[The next morning, Fry and Leela stopped at a small store and parked the scooter they stole.]

Leela: I think it’s time we get some new wheels.

Fry: I agree.

Leela: Now which one’s going to attract the least attention?

[They started looking around, but a little voice in Fry’s head kept telling him to talk to Leela about their relationship. Sure, it wasn’t the most appropriate time, but he couldn’t help it.]

Fry: You know, I think we did a really great job.

Leela: What do you mean?

Fry: Like when I pulled that guys hair, and you punched him in the throat. I’m just saying we work well together.

Leela: It seems like you’re saying something else too.

Fry: What? I just think we’re compatible. I mean, we make great partners.

Leela: I think you’re confusing adrenaline with, I don’t know, some other kind of hormone.

Fry: No I’m not. I’m just saying-

Leela: Okay, listen Fry, you need to understand, you cant trust anyone out here. Not even me. I mean, I could be a double agent. So just drop it.

Fry: (disappointed) Fine.

Leela: Now, what car should we have?

Fry: Well, there’s some old beat up ones, a horse and buggy, a tractor-

[They walked by a barn and Fry looked in, smiling.]

Leela: Oh no.

Fry: Yes.

Leela: No.

Fry: (whisper) Yes.

[A few minutes later, Fry and Leela were driving down the street in a Ferrari.]

Leela: Oh, yeah we are so under the radar now.

Fry: Would you relax? A lot of people have this type of car.

[The irony was that they were driving through a farmland when he said that.]


[Leela was standing on a bridge with Fry that night. They had spent the whole day figuring out their operation after talking to chief.]

Leela: Okay, so you’ll go in find out if they have nuclear weapons while I‘m in the air vents, then let me know if you find anything and I’ll drop down from the air vents to help you find a way to shut the whole thing down.

Fry: Right.

Leela: Here, take this.

[She handed him a cap for his tooth.]

Fry: What’s this?

Leela: Put it on your tooth. That way you can talk to me easily and it transmit’s a sound up to your ear so I can talk to you. But listen, if you’re in trouble, you need to say something because I cant hear anything outside your mouth.

[He put it in and Leela put the ear piece in.]

Fry: Is it working?

[The sound was amplified in Leela’s ear and she yelled.]

Leela: Yeah, I’d say so.

Fry: Sorry.

[She put a hand up to her head and flinched.]

Fry: (soft) Sorry.

Leela: One last thing. Look in your belt.

Fry: My belt?

[He lifted up his shirt and Leela showed him that the buckle was a secret compartment.]

Leela: If captured this pill will cause death in 9 seconds.

Fry: So how do I get them to take it?

[She laughed with him and took his hands.]

Leela: Don’t take it unless there’s absolutely no hope.

Fry: I wont.

Leela: Good luck Fry.

Fry: Thanks.

[She walked away as Fry watched her. She felt his eyes on her and turned around.]

Leela: Go.

Fry: Right.

[Fry walked into the bakery and was greeted by an old lady.]

Woman: Can I help you?

Fry: Yes, I’m looking for something.

Woman: Bread?

Fry: No. Something hot.

Woman: We have rolls that just came out of oven.

Fry: No, something even hotter.

Woman: I already have boyfriend.

Fry: Oh, no I- uh,

Woman: But I can make exception.

Fry: Uh-

Woman: Flower sacks in back very comfortable.

Fry: I don’t think we’re on the same page here. Nicolai Frisniche sent me.

Woman: Oh, take number.

Fry: (pause) But I’m the only one here.

[Fry walked over as the woman left the room and looked around, not knowing what to do. Finally he pulled a number tab and the wall opened up.]

Fry: Oh.

[Fry walked down the hall and was met by a older man with grey hair and a short balding fat man.]

Siegfried: I’m Siegfried, controller of Kaos.

Fry: Did you say (loud) Siegfried?

[Out side, Leela hit her head going into the vent when she heard Fry.]

Leela: Ow! Damn it Fry!

[Back inside, Fry was still talking with Siegfried.]

Siegfried: Yes, and you are?

Fry: I am- Milosh, and I’m here to help with the nuclear weapons.

Siegfried: How do I know that you’re not from Control?

Fry: If I was from Control, you’d already be dead.

Siegfried: If you were from Control, you’re the one who’d be dead.

Fry: Well neither of us is dead, so I’m obviously not from Control.

[The two had a small staring contest until the short fat man spoke.]

Man: That actually makes since.

Siegfried: Shtarker, lets take our new friend so he had the proper attire for working with radioactive materials.

[They led him down the hall to a white room. There was music playing and Fry noticed Siegfried humming along.]

Fry: “Ode to Joy” by Beethoven.

Siegfried: Yes, it’s one of my favorites.

[Once they got to the room, they led Fry inside. There was a table, a TV, and a phone, but nothing else. Shtarker locked the door and Fry knew he was caught.]

Siegfried: Well Mr. Fry. I’m impressed that you knew where our hideout was.

Fry: How did you know I was coming?

Siegfried: We got an anonymous tip. But now, we’re going to kill you. And your friend.

[The TV turned on and he saw Leela crawling through the vents.]

Fry: Oh, she- must be lost.

[Siegfried left and Shtarker took out a gun.]

Fry: Well sir, you may of caught me, but I’m sure you wouldn’t expect- the element of surprise!

[As he said that, Fry picked up the phone and threw it at him. But because there was a cord, it couldn’t go far enough and didn’t hit him.]

Fry: Uh-oh.

Shtarker: Say “good bye” Mr. Fry.

[Fry pushed the table, hitting Shtarker in a awful place and he grabbed the gun. Before Fry could do anything else, Shtarker fainted from pain.]

Fry: That was easy enough.

[He went to open the door but realized that you needed to scan your eye to gain access.]

Fry: What’s with all these bad guys trying to keep everything a secret?

[He looked around and finally looked at the screen with Leela’s picture. He remembered Siegfried’s words.]

Fry: Leela, we’ve been found out! Get out of there, meet me on the roof!

Leela: Okay, thanks Fry.

[He watched her leave and now had to figure out how to get out of this room. Finally, he picked up Shtarker and pressed his eye up to the scanner. Once the door opened, Fry ran down the hall trying to find an exit. He almost passed a lab, but took a step back. There, he saw tons of nuclear chemicals and weapons.]

Fry: Leela, I found Yellow Cake.

Leela: Of course you did Fry, it’s a bakery.

Fry: No, not that yellow cake. Although there is also real yellow cake. But there is chemicals.

Leela: Great job Fry! But get out of there before you get killed. We’ll call the chief and tell him.

[Fry began to make his way upstairs to the roof of the building. But he placed small detonators around and met up with Leela before getting to the roof.]

Leela: What happened? I lost your signal.

Fry: I sort of swallowed the cap. I can give it back to you, but you may not want it.

Leela: Oh Lord.

Fry: Any way, I’ve set small detonators around and-

Leela: Fry! You cant blow up a factory with radioactive materials.

Fry: Don’t worry, it’s just enough to blow up the weapons lab, so they cant make anymore.

Leela: Wow, good idea Fry.

[He and Leela ran up to the roof and he picked up a rope with a claw at the end. Throwing it at the building across the street, they watched it hit the edge of the roof and fall to the ground with the rope.]

Leela: What the hell was that?

Fry: My hand cramped up.

Leela: That’s five.

[Luckily there was a second one and this time when Fry threw it, he didn’t miss. There was a large explosion and Leela put her arms around him from behind as they swung at the building, hoping to go through the window. Of course that didn’t happen and they hit the side of the building, hard. They both yelled out in pain and Leela shook her head.]

Fry: Missed it by that much!

[They began to swing to the window, but Fry lost his grip on the rope. They began to fall 7 stories down, screaming in fear. Fry grabbed a railing to a fire exit, still feeling Leela’s arms around his torso, and was thankful she didn’t fall.]

Fry: What ever you do Leela, don’t look down!

Leela: But Fry-

Fry: Just don’t do it!

Leela: Fry,

[She dropped down and Fry looked at her. The railing was about 8 feet off the ground, and Fry‘s feet were about 3 feet off the ground.]

Fry: Oh,


[The two of them were in their large suite ( it was the only room available at the hotel) when Fry had told Leela and the chief, who they called on the phone, everything that he’d seen.]

Chief: Great job you two. I’ll give you further notice tomorrow about what happens next. But for now, I’m gonna send 23 to check out the place.

Leela: Thank you chief.

[She hung up the phone and looked at Fry.]

Leela: I guess I owe you an apology.

Fry: Don’t worry about it.

Leela: I mean, you figured out so much by yourself, plus you saved me twice.

Fry: Like I said it’s fine.

[Their eye(s) met and Leela took Fry’s hand. Their faces got closer and finally their lips met softly.]


[Fry walked into their room the next morning with a bag of food for them along with a rose for Leela. He’d snuck out, planning on surprising her with breakfast. When he walked in, he saw her standing at the window in her robe talking on the phone. He had a feeling that she was on the phone with the chief getting more instructions.]

Leela: Okay, so what do you want me to do with Fry?

Fry: What do you mean?

[Leela turned around and saw Fry standing there with the rose in his hand.]

Leela: Fry!

Fry: You were right when you said that I cant trust you. You’re a double agent.

Leela: Fry, it’s-

Fry: Give me the phone.

[She had hit a button before giving him the phone.]

Fry: Who is this? Siegfried? (pause) Chief?

[A puff of green smoke came out of the phone and hit Fry’s nose.]

Fry: Sleeping gas? Really Leela? Well, I have built up an immunity to it- oh that’s new stuff.

[Fry’s eyes rolled back in his head and he fell to the floor.]

Leela: (teary) Oh Fry.


[Fry was sitting in the back of a car with handcuffs on back on earth. 23 was sitting next to him while Leela drove and the chief in the passenger seat.]

Fry: So you think I’m a double agent?

Chief: Phil, you were the only one who saw the nuclear weapons, so why should you believe you?

23: You killed Nicolai before you could question him, and I went out to your little bakery and found nothing.

Chief: And you told us that Siegfried knew that you were coming. Plus, a few days ago you hit me in the head with a fire extinguisher.

Fry: Okay, it was dark, and I said I was sorry! You just didn’t hear me because you were in a mini-coma. Believe me, I’m not a double agent and Kaos is building nuclear weapons! Leela tell them.

[When she didn’t answer, he leaned closer to the front.]

Fry: Leela, you and I both know that this is bull. If I was a double agent, do you think I would of saved you twice? I mean, the time we’ve spent together… and last night. You cant tell me that didn’t mean anything to you.

23: Wait, you and- Leela you said we had to break up because it would affect our work Control!

Fry: Wait, you and 23? Oh I feel so sexually threaten right now!

Leela: This is not the time to discuss this you two!

[Fry leaned back and Leela looked at his reflection in the mirror.]

Fry: Can you say something to me Leela?

Leela: (sigh) Never trust anyone, Fry.


[Later that day, the chief was at a meeting with chiefs of the CIA, FBI, Zapp, along with the vice president.]

V.P.: Now we’ve gotten some odd threats today. Like this one from president Kim Jon Ill’s head to, and I quote “Make a pudding from the bones of earthacins,”

Zapp: Oh that guy is crazy. Doesn’t he know bones are crunchy? I mean who would want a crunchy pudding?

Chief: (hushed) Oh my God.

VP: Now-

[He was interrupted when the phone rang.]

VP: Hello?

Siegfried: Finally, my name is Siegfried of Kaos. Over the past few months we have obtained nuclear weapons and plan on distributing them to some unfriendly dictators unless out demands are met.

FBI: What are you demands?

Siegfried: 3 billion dollars by 6:00.

Chief: 3 billion dollars?

VP: Listen, we don’t have time for this and you’re obviously bluffing.

[He hung up the phone and the Chief looked at him.]


Chief: What are you doing?

CIA: Please, Kaos hasn’t made a threat in at least 30 years.

Chief: But Control’s been receiving tips that they’re making nuclear weapons.

VP: And you guys did a great job with that bakery.

[Everyone laughed and the chief glared.]

Chief: You wanna go sonny?

VP: Bring it on, I just got a new pacemaker, I could go all day!

[The chief jumped over the table and tackled the Vice President of Earth.]


[Fry was wearing a orange jumpsuit and was laying in a holding cell in Control‘s prison. He couldn’t believe that Leela betrayed him like that. After all the time they’ve knowing each other, after he saved her, after the night they had together. Luckily he had a small radio to avoid the deadly silence.]

Fry: (thinking) It would have been better if I was just killed.


[Leela was sitting at the conference table with the Chief and 23 thinking about Fry. She did want to believe him, but didn’t know if she could. She was looking at him laying on the cot in his cell on the computer, feeling so sorry for him. Yes, she did care about him, but if he was working for Kaos…what could she do?]

Chief: 99!

Leela: Oh, sorry Chief.

Chief: Now, the president is on Walt Disney World attending a concert performing “Beethoven’s greatest hits“. We have to go warn him about a possible bomb.

Leela: But what are we gonna do about Fry?

Chief: Forget about him. Alright? He’s made a laughingstock out of Control! And thanks to him, we now have to go all the way to Walt Disney World to see the president.

Leela: Cant you just call him?

Chief: I got into a fight with the Vice President because of Phil, and now he wont let me through on the phone.

23: What do you mean?

[The chief took out his phone and showed them the video of him tackling the VP.]

Leela: Oh chief.

23: Sweet tackle.


[Fry was still laying in his holding cell listening to the radio.]

Seacrest: This is Ryan Seacrest’s head telling you to tune into “Beethoven’s greatest hits” today at 4:00 live from Walt Disney World. According to some people it’s going to be hot. Nuclear hot.

Fry: What? Oh my God! I need to get out of here! But how? Think Fry, think!

[He remembered there was a key pad outside. If he could figure out the code, he could try to escape.]

Fry: Excuse me, angry guard?

Guard: What do you want punk?

Fry: Can I have a blanket? It’s getting cold in here.

Guard: I guess,

[The guard left and soon came back with a itchy wool blanket. Fry heard the pad lock beep as the guard pressed the numbers in and the door opened. He threw the blanket at Fry and slammed the door.]

Fry: (thinking) Okay, now I’m busting out of here!

[He broke the antenna off of the radio and put it threw a small slot in the door.]

Fry: 7-6-4-5-3-9-9-7

[The door opened and Fry snuck out.]


[On Walt Disney World, Siegfried, Shtarker, and the large man that was on the ship with Fry and Leela, were setting up the bomb.]

Man: It’s all set.

Siegfried: Excellent, now I’ll go sneak it in.


[Fry was sneaking his way down the hall, praying that he wouldn’t get caught.]

Voice: Stop right there!

Fry: (thinking) Damn.

[He turned around and saw Bruce and Lloyd. They both had put on “tough guy” faces and Lloyd had a gun in his hands.]

Fry: Come on you guys, you know I’m not a double agent.

Lloyd: Yeah we know.

Bruce: But if it looks like we let you go we’re so fired!

Fry: Oh, okay. Here’s what I’m going to do. I’ll pretend to hit you and you fall. Then I’ll escape.

[Fry just got in a stance and Lloyd flinched.]

Fry: Not now, I haven’t done anything.

Lloyd: Sorry.

Fry: Ready?

[Fry threw a fake punch with his right fist at Lloyd and he fell to the right.]

Fry: Okay, wrong way.

Bruce: Okay, please don’t hit me.

Fry: I’m not going to hit you. It’s just pretend.

Bruce: It’s just that I pass out whenever I see blood.

Fry: There is no blood and there’s not going to be any blood.

Bruce: Or when I talk about blood or think about blood.

[He gasped and fainted as Fry watched.]

Fry: Okay then.

[Fry picked up the gun and started again down the hall. But before he could leave, he had to get out of this jumpsuit. He passed a room that had gadgets from the great spy Maxwell Smart. Fry looked at his suit, his car, his shoe phone. Smiling he went inside.]

[Fry burst out of the building in Maxwell Smart’s red car and wearing his blue suit. What Fry didn’t know was that there was barely any gas and he got about half way down the block before it stopped.]

Fry: Damn it!


[Leela was standing with the Chief and 23 in front of the space port. She didn’t say anything the whole way there, all she did was think about Fry. He cell phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket.]

Leela: Hello?

Fry: (OS) Hey, it‘s me.

Leela: Fry?

Fry: Look, I know you’re upset with me. But I also know that you believe me when I say that Kaos has nuclear weapons.

Leela: Fry-

Fry: Please Leela, listen to me. I know I’ve screwed up a lot in the past, but that’s what makes me, me. I know it drives you crazy sometime, but it’s also the reason why you love me.

Leela: What?

Fry: Leela, I know how you feel about me, and if feel the same way; I love you and you love me. And if I’m right, you’ll look me in the eyes and say you believe me.

Leela: How can I look in your eyes?

Fry: Turn around.

[She did and saw Fry standing there talking into his shoe. He smiled and walked over to the 3 of them.]

Leela: Fry- why are you talking into your shoe?

Fry: It’s a shoe phone.

Leela: How did you get here?

[He had jumped on a small two person ship with a guy who loved to do spins with the ship. So, Fry was sick the whole way.]

Fry: That’s not important.

[He put the shoe back on and 23 pulled out his gun, pointing it against Fry's head.]

Leela: Wait Chief. I believe him. I think there is a bomb.

23: Oh come on, this is stupid.

Chief: Actually 99, you have a point. Phil, any man who would be accused of being a double agent, escape, and then come back to the guy who locked him up has to be either an idiot, or not a double agent. And I don’t think you’re a idiot.

Fry: Thank you sir. Now, I believe that the bomb is at the concert hall where the President is attending the concert.

Chief: How do you know that?

Fry: Ryan Seacrest told me.

Leela: What?

Fry: Just come on!


[A few minutes later Fry was trying to convince the guard to evacuate the concert hall.]

Guard: You don’t have to worry about it. We have guards all over the place.

Fry: But lives are in danger!

Guard: Hey, like I said, we’ve swept the place inside and out and there’s no bomb. So please leave.

Chief: Listen you, either you let us in or I’m going to kick your ass!

Guard: Okay Grandpa, just calm down.

Chief: No one talks to me like that!

[The Chief tried to attack the guard, but Fry and Leela grabbed him. She handed him over to 23 who dragged him outside.]

Leela: You better watch it.

[She walked out and Fry came back in, glared at the guard, then left. He started pacing around outside as Leela watched.]

23: Maybe there is no bomb.

Fry: No, there is one, I know it!

Leela: What are we going to do?

Fry: I-

[He stopped when his watch stared beeping. He got closer to 23 and the beeping got faster.]

Fry: 23, when have you been exposed to radioactive material?

23: I just got back from Moscow. The whole place is radioactive.

[Leela remembered what he had said in the car when they accused Fry.]

Leela: But you said that you found nothing. (pause) Was someone else there, or do we just have to take your word?

[Fry noticed the sweat on his forehead.]

Fry: What’s with the brief case? Is there a football in there?

23: If by football you mean the computer that activates the bomb-

Fry: That’s exactly what I mean! I’m not interested in a real football.

[They all stared at him, and finally 23 shook his head.]

23: You know what, we don’t have time for this.

[He grabbed Leela’s arm and started dragging her off with a gun to her back.]

23: You follow us, she dies.

Leela: Fry help!

[He put her in the backseat of a car and drove off.]

Chief: Uh-oh.

Fry: We cant let him get away.

Chief: Quick lets steal a car!

Fry: No, we cant let him see us. How are we gonna catch him if we cant be on the ground?

Chief: I think I have an idea.


[Inside the building Siegfried was following the musicians. None of them noticed him sneaking behind the piano and open his violin case. Before anyone noticed, he was gone.]


[23 was driving the car while Leela’s hands were tied up in the back seat.]

Leela: You’re not going to get away with this.

23: What do you care? You’ll be dead soon anyway.

Leela: Fry will save me. He always pulls through when it counts.

[There was a loud thud and Leela looked up.]

Leela: (thinking) What the hell was that?

[What they didn’t know was that The Chief was piloting a helicopter while Fry hung from a rope. He’d let go and landed on top of the car.]

Fry: (thinking) Okay, I’m just gonna swing in that window, get the brief case and rescue Leela.

[He kicked open the backseat window and jumped in.]

Leela: Fry!

Fry: Hand over the brief case 23.

23: Okay,

[He hit a button that put the car on auto pilot. He reached back and punched Fry in the face, sending him out the window.]

Fry: Ow!

[He grabbed the edge of the window, feeling the broken glass cut his hand. He pulled himself back in the car and began fighting with 23. They hit the auto pilot and the car ran off the road and onto the train tracks.]

Fry: Leela, I could use some help here!

Leela: I’m still tied up!

Fry: There’s a knife in my pocket!

[She kicked off her shoe and stuck her foot in his pocket.]

Fry: That’s not my knife! That’s not-

[He started laughing and Leela stuck her foot in his other pocket. She got the knife and cut the rope around her wrists and quickly put her shoe back on. She kicked 23 in the face sending him partway out the window, dragging Fry with him.]

Leela: Fry, what does this do?

Fry: No don’t touch that!

[It was too late and the whole front of the car was engulfed in flames.]

Leela: Sorry!

[Fry was still fighting with 23 and they fell completely out of the window. Fry hung on to the bumper while 23 tried to get back in the car. Leela was gone with the brief case and he saw that the sun roof was open.]

[Leela was on the roof helping Fry up. She grabbed his hands and pulled him on top of the car.]

Leela: Are you okay?

Fry: Yeah I-

[Before he could respond, he and Leela were knocked off of the roof by 23. Both of them were hanging on for dear life as the brief case fell to the ground. They heard a loud sound and Fry saw a train coming. Looking back at Leela he took a deep breath.]

Fry: I wish we had more time!

Leela: What?

[He pushed her off and Leela fell to the ground, rolling next to the train tracks. She saw the car (with Fry and 23 in it) hit the train and explode in a hellish firestorm from which no living thing could escape.]

Leela: Fry!

[There was another explosion and Leela gasped, horrified. The brief case was a few feet away from her and it was beeping. She opened it and inside was a broken laptop. The cracked screen said “Bomb activated”.]

Leela: I wish we had more time too.

Fry: (OS) So you did hear me!

[Leela turned around and saw Fry walking towards her. His suit was ripped and burned in places and his face had some black soot on it. Leela ran up to him, and looked at him confused as he wiped the tears from her cheeks.]

Leela: But the train-

Fry: Missed it by that much.

[Leela smiled and threw her arms around him, giving him the most passionate kiss she‘d ever given anyone. They finally broke the kiss and Fry smiled, but ran back over to the brief case and knelt down.]

Leela: It’s too late, I mean, it’s broken and we cant turn it off.

[Fry sighed and looked at the screen.]

Fry: “Operation Joy”?

[He remembered walking through Kaos and hearing “Ode to Joy”]

Siegfried: (VO) It’s one of my favorites.

Fry: I think the final notes in “Ode to Joy” triggers the bomb. We have to get there and stop that concert!

[Fry took off his shoe phone and called the Chief.]

Fry: Chief, turn on the radio. How far are they into “Ode to joy”?

[His eyes went wide and he looked at Leela.]

Fry: Come on we’ve got to get there!

[They sprinted as fast as they could with the Chief flying overhead to the concert hall. The song was more than half over and if they didn’t get there hundreds of lives would be lost. Fry was breathing hard, the smoke had got in his lungs making it hard for him to breath. As they got closer, the Chief landed the helicopter and joined them in running. As they ran inside Chief punched the guard who gave them trouble earlier, right in the face.]

Chief: Speak up son, I’m an old man you know!

Leela: Come on!

[They ran into the concert hall and Fry put all his energy into going down the isle and he tackled the conductor as the final note was about to be hit. A swarm of guards ran in and grabbed Fry.]

Nixon: Aroo! I loved the tackling part!

Leela: Wait, he’s right. (soft) There is a bomb.

[She looked at the guard and he looked at Fry.]

Guard: Fine, where is it?

Fry: Would you believe… under the piano?

[One of the guards looked and his eyes went wide. Looking back up he nodded and the other guards let go of Fry.]

Leela; (whisper) Fry, was that?

Fry: (whisper) Yes, a complete guess.


[Back at Control, Fry was standing with a glass of Champaign in his hand and wearing his suit. Once they got home the Chief threw a party for Fry and Leela congratulating them on a successful mission.]

Chief: Great job 86. But, where’s 99?

Fry: I don’t know, she said that she needed to go to the store for something.

Chief: Well, I just want to tell you that you did a great job. How you feeling? In any pain?

Fry: Please sir, I’m impervious to pain.

[A little Labrador puppy came up and stated chewing on Fry’s shoe.]

Fry: Ow! Ow! Stop it!

[Leela ran up wearing a red dress and picked the dog off of the floor.]

Leela: Surprise!

Fry: You got me a dog?

Leela: Yeah, I know no dog could replace Seymour, but this little guy needs a home.

[Fry smiled and scratched the dogs ear as he barked happily.]

Fry: Thank you.

[Leela leaned in to give Fry a kiss, but he pulled back.]

Fry: (soft) Leela, no one knows we’re dating.

Chief: (walking by) Yes they do!

Fry: Oh,

[Leela looked at him and he smiled.]

Fry: On the cheek.

[She gently kissed his cheek and they started walking away.]

Leela: Come on, one little one.

[He gave her a small kiss on the lips and they said soon good bye to everyone. As they walked out of the room, they exited the phone booth on the floor above them and made their way through the metal doors. The last one didn’t close behind them and Fry turned around.]

Fry: Hold on.

Leela: Fry, we’re gonna be late. Let maintenance handle it.

[Fry adjusted the screws with his pocket knife, then the door slammed on him. Much like when he first came to the future. Leela sighed and the dog barked.]

Leela: That’s six.

Fry: A little help?

[Leela opened the door and Fry stepped out.]

Fry: Okay then.

[He took Leela’s hand and they walked outside.]


[Fry and Leela walked into Planet Express a few hours later. They left the dog, who they named Chief, at Leela’s and Fry went home to change. Both of them met outside and walked in together. Everyone was waiting for them, since they had been gone for so long and they all welcomed them back.]

Amy: So how was the “Space Captain and Delivery Boy” convention you two?

Fry: Eh, a little boring.

Leela: Yeah, we actually skipped the rest of it and enjoyed our vacation. In fact, one thing led to another and we’re dating now.

[Everyone congratulated them and Fry winked at Leela. The door opened and Bender walked in with a piece of paper.]

Bender: Hey Fry, hey Leela.

Fry: Hey Bender.

Bender: Listen up everyone, who was the last person to use the copy machine?

Zoidberg: It was Zoidberg! Hermes asked me to copy papers for him. Huzzah!

Bender: Well you left it jammed.

Zoidberg: So why doesn’t the rohbut un-jam it?

[Bender saw a stapler on the table.]

Bender: Hey, is this your stapler?

Zoidberg: Yes,

[Bender hit him with it, stapling the paper to his head.]

Zoidberg: Ow!

Bender: Why don’t you un-jam that?

Fry: Bender, what are you doing?

Bender: We have rules around here Fry! And if we don’t follow rules, then what are we?

Fry: Well, we’re not people who jam staples into other peoples heads! That’s CIA crap.

Leela: Beside, when do you ever follow the rules?

Bender: All the time!

Leela: Yeah, sure…


[A few weeks later, Fry walked into the apartment he now shared with Leela after a meeting with the Chief. He moved in a few days after they got back when Leela realized that she felt safer with Fry. They had also talked to the chief and now were always assigned missions together. ]

Fry: Hey,

Leela: Hi,

[Chief ran up and jumped at Fry.]

Fry: Hey there buddy.

[He barked and picked up his tennis ball, then dropped it in front of Fry.]

Fry: You wanna play?

[He threw the ball and it bounced off the wall and hit Chief in the face. Leela laughed and Fry picked him up, petting his head. Leela walked over, putting one hand on Fry‘s shoulder and scratching Chief‘s head with the other]

Leela: Aw, look what you did.

Fry: Sorry about that Chief.

The End.

Buddies