Fan Fiction

Futurama Outtakes
By Dwayne Anderson

Leela: Making a cartoon series isn't easy. Things don't always go as well as planned. I found a whole reel of scenes that didn't make it to the series. Wanna see?

She places the reel on a movie projector.

(Episode: Space Pilot 3000)

Fry enters a darkened room in the cyrogenetics lab.

Fry: Hello? Pizza delivery for...(reads the card) I.C. Weiner?

Suddenly, someone starts laughing.

Voice: Huh huh huh, hey Beavis, he said "weiner".

Beavis: Yeah yeah. Heh heh heh.

Director: Cut! Who let them on the set? Security!

Leela: No one makes fun of my nose!

She jumps and kicks, only to hit Fry, knocking him down.

(offscreen crew laughs)

Direct: Cut! Leela, you're supposed to kick the officers.

Leela: Oops.

Farnsworth: Who are you?

Fry: I'm your dear old uncle Fry.

Farnsworth: I don't have an uncle Fry.

Bender: You do now!

He pushes Farnsworth back, so hard, the professor falls down.

Director: Cut! Bender, not so hard!

(Episode: The Series Has Landed)

Leela: What sorority are you from?

Amy: Kappa Krappa Wo...crap!

(take 2)

Amy: Krappa Kap...god, what the fu(bleep) is wrong with me? (offscreen crew chuckles)

Leela: Get it right this time, Lauren!

(Episode: Love's Labour's Lost in Space)

Woman: You're from the twentieth century? That's incredible. I'm from the twenty-first century!

Fry: No way! We've got so much...ACHOO!

(The offscreen crew laugh)

Director: Cut! Could someone get him a tissue?

(Leela: This next scene was deleted from the episode)

Leela: We're on a very important mission. Do you remember what it is Fry?

Fry: Yes captain. We're on a mission to Vergon 6 inhabited by doomed lifeforms and we will not rest until we find those animals and destroy them.

Leela: Rescue them!

Fry: Rescue them, of course I meant rescue them! Whatever.

(Episode: A Fishful of Dollars)

Fry: Get ready to taste the most delicious extinct animal you've ever eaten!

Amy: I dunno. I've had cow!

Bart Simpson (offscreen): Don't have a cow man!

Director: Cut! Get him off the set!

(Episode: A Big Piece of Garbage)

Farnsworth: Now, we all telescopes allow us to see distant objects but what if we wanted to smell distant objects? Well now we can! Thanks to my new invention... (places a paper on a projector. It's a picture of a sexy woman) Oh my, this isn't gonna work!

(Episode: Hell Is Other Robots)

Fry and Leela are sliding down the slide.

Fry: I don't feel well... (crashes into the camera, leaving a cracked lens. The offscreen crew begins to laugh) Ow!

Fry: My ass has blisters from... (the slide breaks apart, sending Fry and Leela tumbling down screaming. The offscreen crew laughs again.)

Director: Cut! Can we fix that?

(Episode: I Second That Emotion)

Farnsworth adjusts the screw on the chip he installed on Bender.

Bender: I'm the richest man in the world, with the cheapest haircut.

Fry: That's Bill Gates!

(Episode: Ahead In the Polls)

Fry: If I were registered to vote, I'd send these clowns a message by staying home on erection day and... (the offscreen crew laugh) What? What did I say?

(Episode: Xmas Story)

Leela swings an axe to chop down the tree, but the hatchet comes off and goes flying back. Offscreen, it hits someone in the forehead. A scream is heard.

Leela: Sorry Mr. Groening!

(The offscreen crew laughs)

Fry: I could kick myself.

Amy: I'll do it for you. (She kicks Fry in the face. He topples forth)

(The offscreen crew laughs)

Fry: Not the face!

Director: Toy high Amy!

(Take 2)

Amy kicks Fry again, this time in the crotch.

Fry (grabbing his crotch): Yeow! Alright, the face!

(Laughs are heard offscreen)

(Take 3)

Amy kicks Fry again, in the face for the second time.

Fry: Ahhhh, after being kicked in the groin, this feels like relief.

Fry falls off a balcony, but grabs the clock. He breathes a sigh of relief. The time changes and he falls again, but grabs the clock again. He sighs in relief again. The time changes and Fry falls down. Leela shows up, but isn't fast enough to catch him.

Director: Leela, you're supposed to catch him!

Leela (yelling down to Fry): Sorry about that!

(Episode: How Hermes Requisitioned His Groove Back)

Hermes opens the last canister and throws the disk where it slides into the back of Bender's head.

Bender: You've got mail!

Hermes: What the hell?! That wasn't supposed to happen!

Leela removes the disk.

Leela: It's AOL!

(Laughs are heard offscreen)

(Episode: Anthology of Interest I)

The giant Bender walks through the street destroying everything. Fry tries to calm down the military, but Bender steps on him accidentally.

(Episode: Amazon Women In the Mood)

Kif: I find the most erotic part of a woman is the boobies.

Amy: Kif!

(Familiar laughing is heard from two characters standing to the side)

Butthead: Hey Beavis, uh huh huh huh huh huh huh huh, he said "boobies". Huh huh huh huh huh.

Beavis: Yeah yeah. Heh heh heh.

Director: Cut! Somebody get them out of here!

(Episode: The Birdbot of Alcatraz)

Bender is riding Leela down the slope, when she bangs her head into a rock.

(The offscreen crew laughs)

Director: Cut! Somebody move that rock out of the way!

(Episode: Anthology of Interest 2)

Human Bender: Guys guys! You gotta come into the bathroom and look at this! You're not gonna believe it!

Leela: Bender it's ok to be proud, but don't be a showoff!

(Two familiar teens come out of the bathroom where Bender was)

Butthead: Whoa! That was cool! Huh huh huh huh huh.

Beavis: Yeah yeah. Kinda makes me wanna...make a stool! Heh heh heh heh heh. Poop!

Butthead: Dammit Beavis, you are messed up!

Director: Cut! That's the third time already! Get them out of here!

(Episode: Futurestock)

The ex-crew glares at Fry.

Fry pushes a button on the chair. A sound of flatuence is heard. The offscreen crews laughs.

The former crew pinch their noses shut and wave their hands in the air in front.

Bender: Fry, that was disgusting you meatbag!

Fry: No it wasn't me, it was the chair!

Director: Cut! Let try it again!

(Episode: 30% Iron Chef)

(Leela: This next scene was shot after lunch)

Farnsworth empties his plate into a vortex in the table. Before Amy can speak, someone offscreen belches loudly. The offscreen crew laugh as the food Farnsworth dumped is dumped onto his head.

(Leela: Here's a deleted scene)

Fry: Someone should tell Bender his cooking is terrible. It tastes like some hurled into it!

(Episode: A Taste of Freedom)

Nixon's Head: In our darkest hour, we stand tall and erect with uplifted bosoms.

Familiar laughing is heard.

Beavis: Hey Butthead! Heh heh, he said "bosoms"!

Butthead: Uh huh huh huh huh huh.

Beavis: What does that mean?

Butthead: Huh huh huh. You don't know?!

Director: Alright that's it! The security team is fired!

(Episode: The Devil's Hands Are Idol Playthings)

Bender: Oh yeah?! Well bite my shiny metal...Oh noooooooooo! (camera zooms in) Hey! Get the camera out of my ass!

(The offscreen crew laugh)

The movie projector finishes playing the film.

Leela: Well, I hope you enjoyed these clips. I did! I'm sure you all had such a good laugh! See you later everybody!


The End