Fan Fiction

Futurama: The Fifth Season
By Craig Williams

Episode One - "Angela"

Thanks to Doug "Zed 85" Hilliard for beta reading.

As the crowd filed out of the Metropolitan House of Opera, Fry's heart sank. Thanks to the machinations of the Robot Devil, what should've been the greatest night of his life had turned into yet another horrible failure. His opera had been a total disaster, humiliating him in front of America's elite, humiliating him in front of his friends, and worst of all, humiliating him in front of Leela. Brushing a balled-up program aside, he sat down and stared at his holophoner. He'd spent three years trying to learn to play it, and even after all that practise he could hardly string together half a dozen notes. Bender was right, he thought to himself. I'm never going to be any good, so why bother trying? Fry placed the holophoner on the ground, got up, and started to walk off the stage, his head hanging in shame. Just then a familiar voice interrupted him.

"Please don't stop playing, Fry." Fry turned in surprise, and stared out across the deserted hall. Amidst the rows of empty seats Fry saw a lone figure - Leela. "I want to hear how it ends."

Fry's face brightened. She believes in me! He went back to his seat, picked up the holophoner, and resumed playing. A simple tune started playing, and a holographic image began to form, coalescing into an image of Fry and Leela. They came together, held hands, and lightly kissed each other on the lips, before walking off into the distance, hands still joined. Fry was astonished. Usually when he tried to play, the "tune" barely qualified as music and the images were freaky and disturbing. But this time, although the images were crude and the tune basic, somehow it felt right.

Fry finished playing, and looked across at Leela, to find her silently making her way through the row of seats to the aisle. For a moment Fry's heart froze. Please don't walk out on me please don't walk out on me please don't walk out on me… But when Leela reached the aisle, she turned and started making her way towards the stage. Fry watched her as she approached. She looked absolutely stunning. Even those ugly mechanical ears the Robot Devil had fitted weren't enough to obscure her beauty.

Leela reached the stage, climbed the steps, and walked up to Fry. For a few moments they just stared at each other. Fry saw Leela's face beaming, and he couldn't help but break into a huge grin. Leela placed her hands lightly on his shoulders, and moved in for the kiss. She was interrupted when a metal hand tapped her on the shoulder. Great Bender, way to spoil the moment, she thought as she turned to face him.

"Bender, what the f…" Leela stopped in her tracks. Instead of Bender, she found herself facing a livid Calculon.

"Now that Beezlebot has returned to his fortress of damnation, I demand you return my ears IMMEDITAELY!"


Amy tore along the streets of New New York in her brand new Beta-Romeo, oblivious to the ocean of honking horns and shaking fists she'd left in her wake. In her mind she was reliving the vacation Kif had taken her on the previous week, to the ski resort on Triton. She smiled to herself as she remembered how Kif had been goaded into attempting a dangerous ski jump by that hunky, long haired ski instructor, and she winced as she recalled Kif's subsequent fifty foot "descent". Fortunately he didn't have any bones to break, but he did puncture several bladders, and had spent the remainder of the holiday bandaged up... Amy sighed dreamily, as a Honda swerved to avoid her, knocked over a garbage can, and exploded in a fiery inferno.

Amy arrived at the Planet Express building and parked her car, hitting a fire hydrant and crushing Cubert's hoverbike in the process. Whistling happily, she got out of the car and entered the building. Wanting to let Hermes know she'd arrived, Amy headed straight for his office, only to find the door locked. Amy read the flashing digital display next to the door. DO NOT DISTURB. JOB INTERVIEW IN PROGRESS.

I guess Hermes is having trouble finding a new ship captain, thought Amy as she made her way upstairs to the employee lounge. She entered the room to find Fry and Bender sitting at opposite ends of the table.

"Now watch me again meatbag, and this time stop staring at Scruffy's porno mag!"

"But I'm bored! We've been at this for ages!"

"Hey, YOU'RE the one who asked me to teach you, so stop your yammering and pay attention!"

With a heavy sigh, Fry sat back and watched Bender make a bunch of weird gestures with his hands. Getting Bender to teach him sign language had seemed like a good idea at the time, but Fry's near inability to pick up things like this was making Bender's job almost impossible.

"Right, are you ready? Here we go. 'How… are… you… today?'" said Bender, punctuating each word with a sign gesture. "There, now you try."

"'How… are… you… today?'" said Fry, attempting to mimic Bender's gestures as he went. "How was that?"

"It depends. What's brickbat lingerie?" Fry groaned and buried his head in his hands. Amy took the opportunity to butt in.

"Hi guys! Have a good week?"

"No", said Fry and Bender in unison.

"I've been trying to teach this moron sign language", explained Bender. "Two weeks of my life I'll never get back and he hasn't learned a damn thing!"

"Two weeks?" said Amy incredulously. "And you haven't learned anything?"

Fry shook his head sadly. "I'm visiting Leela tonight, and I was hoping to have learned a few phrases. As it is, the only way I'll be able to talk to her is by using the electronic notepad."

"Well Bender knows sign language, why don't you take him with you so he can sign for you?"

Fry sighed. "That's not a great idea. Leela still blames Bender for deafening her. Right now she doesn't want to see him."

Bender chuckled. "That crazy bitch. Imagine thinking it was MY fault! Must be her time of the month or something."

Fry frowned. "Of course it's your fault! You blasted her with an air-horn from two feet away!"

"Hey, I would never have gotten that air-horn if you hadn't made that deal with the Robot Devil! Everyone knows you can't trust him! So in a way, isn't this really YOUR fault?"

"But YOU'RE the one who suggested I make a deal with him in the first place!"

"I'm also the one who told you to give up playing that crappy holophoner before you embarrassed yourself! But you weren't listening then, were you?"

"Cheers, great to know I can count on my best friend for support." Fry's voice dripped with sarcasm.

Amy could see the situation turning ugly. "Cool down guys, this isn't helping."

"Face it Fry, you stank!"

"I would've picked it up eventually!"

"The way you're picking up sign language?"

"Maybe it's not me. Maybe you're a lousy teacher!"

"Guys! I said stop it!"

"Oh yeah? Then how come I managed to teach Amy, Hermes and the Professor basic sign language inside of a week? Face it Fry, you're the dumbest guy who ever lived!"

"Oh yeah? Wanna take this outside?"

"Bring it on, skintube!"

"I'm gonna kick your shiny metal ass right round the building!"

"I said SHUT THE FLUCK UP!" Fry and Bender broke off and stared at Amy, open jawed.

"Look," said Amy more calmly, "You guys obviously need a break. So let's get some drinks, sit down on the couch, and I can tell you all about my vacation."

The idea didn't appeal to either Fry or Bender. "Aw, do we have to?" "Sounds boring".

Amy sighed and rolled her eyes. "Gleesh, alright! We'll get some drinks, sit down on the couch and watch some mindless drivel on the TV! Satisfied?"

"Yay!" Fry and Bender rushed over to the couch, followed by Amy. Bender produced three bottles of beer from his chest cavity and handed them around. Amy switched on the TV to find Morbo in the middle of a news report.

"Police have given up the search for Earth President Richard Nixon following his abduction by the Robot Devil last month. They believe he has been taken to Robot Hell, but the officers are all too scared to go there and find out. As a consequence of Nixon's disappearance, Vice-President Tim Backer has used his emergency powers to call for a fresh presidential election. Morbo can only hope that the new President of Earth will show the same warmongering spirit and callous disregard for human life that made President Nixon a role model to children everywhere. BWA HA HA HA!"

"Ha ha ha! Since the announcement, two candidates have put themselves up for election. The first is Vice-President Backer, who vows to continue the progress Nixon has made with increasing the profile of Earth amongst the members of DOOP. He promises huge increases in government spending in all areas, whilst providing tax cuts for the working man. The other candidate is Earthican Nationalist Jack Wiseman, who believes that many of Earth recent problems have been the result of alien influences."

The image on the screen changed to that of Wiseman, who was being interviewed by a journalist. Wiseman was about five and a half feet tall, with a fairly stout build. He was almost totally bald, and wore a pair of spectacles with circular lenses.

"…For centuries now, we've been giving huge breaks to alien immigrants, allowing them to take jobs away from Earthicans, buy houses meant for Earthicans, and use health and education facilities paid for by Earthican taxpayers. Every year billions of taxpayers' money goes to subsidise the DOOP. And what have we had in return? Years of systematic attacks launched by the regime of Omicron Persei VIII. Native Martian terrorists attacking our business interests on Mars. And worst of all, an outrageous attempt by the Decapodians to conquer our homeworld, after we lawfully convicted one of THEM for desecrating OUR flag during a national holiday!"

"That reminds me," said Amy, "Has anyone seen Zoidberg today?" Fry and Bender shrugged, and then all three returned their attention to Wiseman.

"Well I say it's time for Earthicans to rise up and tell these outsiders, 'We're not taking this any more!' If you elect me as your president, I promise to take swift and decisive actions to protect our borders! Alien immigration will be halted! Alien spies in our military will be dishonorably discharged! We will retract our membership of the DOOP, which will vastly increase the amount of money available for government spending!"

"Can you believe this guy?" asked Amy. "What a bigot!"

"I shouldn't worry," said Fry, pointing at the TV screen. "Look at that opinion poll. Eighty percent in favour of Backer! Humans know a good choice when they see one. Like in the nineteen-nineties, the Democrats had won two terms, and were all set for a third when I was frozen."

Amy exchanged glances with Bender. "Er, sure Fry, whatever you say."

Their discussion was interrupted by the sound of the door opening and they turned to see Hermes enter the employee lounge. Behind him, a dark-haired woman walked in. Amy studied the newcomer. She was slightly taller than Amy, and had a very slender build. Amy couldn't tell how cute she looked because her long hair obscured most of her face.

"People," began Hermes, "I'd like you to meet Planet Express's newest employee. Dis is Angela Hanson, our new starship captain."

Amy jumped off the couch and went over to greet the new arrival, wearing a friendly smile. "Hi Angela, welcome on b…" and stopped short. Now she was closer she could see that one side of Angela's face was heavily scarred. For a brief moment Amy's smile froze, before she pulled herself together. "Welcome on board."

If Angela had spotted Amy's stumble then she'd chosen to ignore it. "Thanks Amy. It's great to be here."

Hermes took this opportunity to slip away. "Now if you kids will excuse me, I have to tidy me office and robot-proof the door. There's an inspector from the Central Bureaucracy arrivin' tomorrow, and I don't want a repeat of what happened last time!"

"What was that about?" asked Angela as Hermes left the room.

"Just something that happened a couple of years ago." Amy directed Angela over to the couch. "Here, come and meet everyone. This is Fry…"

Angela and Fry greeted each other. Like Amy, Fry was slightly unnerved to see Angela's face, but did his best to hide it.

"…And this is Bender."

Angela reached forward, hand outstretched. "Hi, Bender."

Bender shook Angela's hand. "Hey, Angie. What's with the scars?"

Amy flinched. "BENDER!"

Angela bit her lip. "It's okay, Amy." She sat down on the couch, between Fry and Bender. "I was involved in a hovercar accident when I was a child. My parents and I were driving to church when some idiot in a sports car came hurtling round a bend on the wrong side of the road. My dad swerved to try and avoid him, lost control and our car rolled down an embankment. My parents were killed outright."

Any suddenly felt a pang of guilt about her journey to work that morning. "That's awful. It's amazing you survived."

"Yeah, I guess I was lucky," said Angela sadly. "Someone dragged me from the car just before the fuel tank ignited and the thing burst into flames."

For a moment an awkward silence filled the room. Finally Fry spoke up.

"So what happened to you after that?"

"I spent a few weeks in hospital, then I was sent to a local Orphanarium. I left when I was sixteen and got a job at Mom's Friendly Delivery Company. Started out as a junior delivery girl and worked my way up to ship captain. I ended up working there for thirteen years."

"Why did you leave?" asked Amy.

Angela thought for a few moments before answering. "I guess I just wanted a change of scene. Mom's is great and all, and the pay's good, but you know how cold and impersonal these huge conglomerates can be. I've heard people talk about how great the atmospheres are in these small companies, so I thought I'd try it for myself."

"Well you've come to the right place," said Bender. "Planet Express is like one big happy family."

Cubert entered the room, rolling his eyes when he saw the four of them sitting on the couch.

"Wow, another action packed day in the life of Planet Express. Don't you guys have any real jobs?"

Bender flicked a cigar stump at Cubert. "Piss off, greaseball."

Unperturbed, Cubert turned his attention to Angela. "I see you found another freak to replace One-Eye."

Angela self-consciously raised her hand to her cheek. Cubert looked at Bender.

"Let's hope you don't deafen her and destroy her life too."

Fry, Bender and Amy glared at Cubert angrily, and Amy had to put an arm out to stop Fry lunging at Cubert. Gritting her teeth, she got off the couch. "Cubert honey, Mr. Conrad wants to see you downstairs to discuss your college application forms."

"But I don't start college for another four years!"

"Yes, but you know how much Hermes likes application forms. You'll find him in his office. Downstairs."

With a melodramatic sigh, Cubert exited the lounge, followed by Amy. Seconds later there was a muffled cry, followed by a series of thuds that gradually faded into the distance. Amy reentered the lounge, dusting her hands and smiling grimly. "Now where were we?"

Angela looked at Bender. "Something about one big happy family?"

Bender lit up another cigar. "Yeah, and we all know what families are like."

"What was that brat talking about when he mentioned you destroying someone's life?" asked Angela. Amy, Fry and Bender all glanced at each other uneasily. Angela realised she'd hit on a touchy subject. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked."

Amy sighed. "It's all right. You couldn't know. Cubert was talking about Leela, our previous captain. She got permanently deafened when one of Bender's practical jokes backfired. Deaf people aren't allowed to fly spaceships, so the DOOP stripped her of her captaincy."

"I'm sorry", said Angela sympathetically. "I guess it must be weird for you guys having me here instead of her."

"Don't worry about it. It's not like it was YOUR fault." Amy glared at Bender, who remained unmoved.

Just then the Professor's voice sounded over the intercom. "Good news, everyone. I want you all to report to my laboratory so I can tell you about your next highly dangerous and potentially lethal mission."

With groans and audible muttering, Fry and Bender got off the couch and headed for the door, followed by Amy and Angela. Angela looked nervous. "Highly dangerous and potentially lethal? He was exaggerating, wasn't he?"

"Of course," replied Amy. "That's Professor Farnsworth, always kidding around."

"I hope you've all made wills, because this is quite possibly the most dangerous mission I've ever sent you on. One of you is almost certain to be killed!"

The crew exchanged uneasy looks. Finally Angela asked, "Where are you sending us?"

"The Neutral Colony of Sirius IX." The relief in the room was palpable.

"What are we delivering?" asked Amy. "Nothing arrived here today."

"Actually it's not a delivery. I want you to pick up some freeze-dried supernova for me."

Fry was confused. "Freeze-dried what?"


"What's it for?"

"Allow me to explain. Next week is the Academy of Inventors' Annual Symposium. As you know, each year every inventor presents an invention, and the best one wins the Academy prize. Last year my Death Clock didn't go down too well, so this year I've come up with an invention that'll show those young whippersnappers who's boss!"

The Professor guided the crew over to his workbench. On it was a Gameboy sized instrument with the back removed, and microchips and wires scattered everywhere. "Now, do you remember a couple of years ago, that time machine I started work on?"

Amy and Fry's faces were blank.

"Let's say we do," said Bender. "What about it?"

"Back then I wasn't able to finish the machine because nobody knew how to make time travel possible. But after that accident that sent us back to nineteen forty-seven, I studied the ship's telemetry and realised that time travel IS possible. All you need to do is microwave a piece of metal and harness the mighty power of the stars themselves!"

The Professor indicated the unfinished device on the workbench. "As you can see, I've almost finished my prototype. With it I'll be sure to win the Academy prize! I've fitted a mini-microwave, but I need the freeze-dried supernova to power the reaction. That's why I need you to pick some up."

"You can count on us, Professor," said Angela.

The Professor looked up at Angela and squinted. "Did you dye your hair, Leela?"

"I'm not Leela."

"Oh." The Professor turned away, waving a dismissive hand in her direction. "Then take off that stupid human suit Zoidberg, and get going! Your medical expertise could be the difference between life and death on this mission!"

"God, that was the most boring mission ever!" Amy buried her head in her hands, barely able to stay awake.

"Tell me about it," said Bender. "I couldn't find anything there worth stealing. Curse those filthy Neutrals!"

Angela sat at the controls of the Planet Express ship, keeping one eye on the jar of freeze-dried supernova. She noticed the empty seat off to her left. "Where's Fry?"

"He's asleep in his quarters," explained Bender. "I guess the 'excitement' was too much for him."

"Well can you go and fetch him? He's supposed to be manning the long-range sensors."

"Aw, do I have to?"

Angela spun round and gave Bender a look that he knew only too well from the number of times that he'd seen it on Leela's face. Muttering to himself he got up and left the control room.

"Amy, while we're waiting, can you check the long-range sensors? I want to know if there's any toll booths we need to go around."

"Sure." Amy went over to Fry's station and studied the readouts. A look of concern crossed her face. "I don't want you to worry, but there's a ship closing on us at high speed."

"What kind of ship?"

"I dunno. It's small, probably only a one or two-man ship. Triangular in shape, and heavily armed."

"Oh God, it's a raider ship!" Angela's grip on the steering wheel tightened. "Evasive action!"

Before Angela could do anything a series of small explosions rocked the ship, causing it to lurch to one side. Amy grabbed a seat to stop her from being thrown across the room. Angela turned the wheel hard, steering the ship out of the path of the weapons fire.

"I don't get it!" said Amy. "We're not carrying anything valuable, why are they attacking us?"

Bender ran back into the control room. "Fry's trapped!"

Angela began to look anxious. "What do you mean, trapped?"

"Just before I got to his quarters, there were a load of explosions and the emergency doors dropped down!"

Amy was even more worried than Angela. "That must mean the hull's about to breach somewhere in that section. Fry'll be killed! We've got to get him out!"

Angela turned to Amy. "But if we open the doors and the hull breaches, we'll all die! Besides, we've still got to deal with those raiders outside." Angela pondered the situation for a brief moment, then came to a decision. "Bender, man the weapons."

"Yes, Captain." Bender climbed the short ladder to the gunner's position.

"Amy, you take the wheel. I'll see if I can reach Fry." Angela shot out the door while Amy slipped into her seat.

Angela ran down the short corridor, trying to keep her balance as the ship was rocked from side to side. Soon she found her way blocked by the emergency door. She struck the override button on the wall, but nothing happened. Muttering, she opened a panel next to the button and began hotwiring the door. A few seconds later the door slid open. Angela ran through and sprinted to Fry's quarters.

Forcing the door, she entered to see Fry lying unconscious on the floor, a gash on his head indicating where he'd been struck by falling metal. Angela grabbed Fry under his arms, and dragged him out of his quarters and back towards the emergency door. After what seemed like an age she dragged Fry clear of the affected area of ship, and hot-wired the door mechanism again, slamming it shut. Seconds later a huge explosion rocked the ship, and Angela looked out a porthole to see the contents of Fry's quarters floating in space.

In the control room, Amy was struggling to keep the ship clear of the onslaught of weapons fire. She called up to Bender. "Can you see him?"

"He keeps flying underneath us! I can't get a clear shot!"

"I've got an idea! Hold on!" Amy pulled the wheel right back, sending the ship into a huge aerial loop. In the corridor, Angela and Fry were hurled all over the place. The sudden movement took the raider ship by surprise, and it failed to keep its position underneath the Planet Express ship. Bender suddenly found the raider ship directly in his sights, and fired. The first salvo disabled the weapons, and the second destroyed its engines.

"I've got it!" Bender yelled down at Amy. "Now let's get out of here before anyone comes looking for it!"

Amy applied maximum thrust, and the ship blasted off into the distance, leaving the crippled raider vessel floating in space.

"We did it!" exclaimed Amy as Bender climbed back down. The door opened, and the two of them turned to see Angela standing in the doorway. She looked disheveled; there was a mark on her right arm, and a cut underneath her left eye. Behind her they could see Fry slumped against the wall of the corridor. Angela looked at Amy, who grinned sheepishly. Angela smiled and gave her a thumbs-up. "Nice work."

The rest of the journey passed without incident, and the ship soon arrived back on Earth. Fry was taken to a local hospital so his head injury could be checked out. Amy, Angela and Bender went upstairs to the Professor's laboratory, Bender holding the jar of freeze-dried supernova. They found Farnsworth working at his workbench. The time machine had been placed to one side, and he was fiddling with another invention.

"Professor!" yelled Amy. "We've got the freeze-dried supernova you wanted!"

The Professor looked up. "The wha?"

"The freeze-dried supernova! You know, for your time machine!"

"Oh yes, that! Actually you needn't have bothered. I've decided to give up work on it"

"WHAT?!" gasped the three crewmembers in unison.

"While you were gone I decided to watch the Back to the Future trilogy, and it made me realise that time travel is too dangerous an endeavour for us mere mortals to be meddling with. So I suppose you made that trip for nothing."

Amy and Angela simply stared at the Professor, slack-jawed. Bender was livid. "But what about the Symposium? The time machine was supposed to be your prize-winning invention!"

"I know it was. But not to worry, because I've come up with a NEW invention, one that'll make me the darling of the scientific community for decades to come!" The Professor held up the device he'd been working on when they entered. "Behold, my mighty Death Clock!"

Throwing her hands up in defeat, Amy walked out uttering a string of Chinese oaths, followed by Bender, who was holding the jar so tightly it was beginning to crack. Angela looked at the Death Clock with wide-eyed enthusiasm. "That's amazing! How does it work?"

"You know," said Amy, as she and Bender walked down the stairs. "I'm sure there's someone we should be calling to tell them Fry's in hospital."

Bender drained one beer bottle, dropped it on the floor, and immediately produced another from his chest cavity. "Can't think who."

Down in the sewers, Leela lay curled up on her bed, sulking. Out of the corner of her eye she saw the door open, and looked up expectantly. "Fry?" Her face fell when she saw that it was her mother, holding two mugs of cocoa. "Oh Mom, it's you. Any word from Fry?"

Munda shook her head. Sitting down on the side of the bed, she handed one of the mugs to Leela.

"He said he'd be here," said Leela, a mixture of anger and disappointment in her voice. "Where is he?"

Amy and Bender were watching TV when Angela came downstairs from the laboratory.

"So, what did you think of the Professor's Death Clock?" asked Amy sarcastically.

"It doesn't work properly. Said I only had six weeks to live." Angela barely suppressed a giggle.

Amy laughed. "Oh Angie, that's terrible! Oh well, it's been nice knowing you!"

Bender joined in the laughter. "Hey, someone better tell Hermes he'll need to hire another captain!"

Eventually the laughter died down, and the two of them composed themselves. Angela joined them on the couch. "So what's on the TV?"

"We're waiting for a news report." explained Amy. "Apparently something huge broke while we were on our way back."

The three of them waited for the commercial break to finish, and soon they were staring at the scowling face of Morbo.

"Human-hunting season started early today. An Earthican delivery ship came under attack just outside the Sirius system."

The picture switched to a grainy image of two ships battling in space. The image quality was poor, but one of the ships was unmistakably the Planet Express vessel. Amy and Angela exchanged glances. "Uh oh."

"As this video footage clearly indicates, the raider ship was on the verge of a glorious victory until the Earth ship used a clearly illegal manoeuvre to ambush the raiders." The image showed the Planet Express ship launched into a tight loop, then firing on the raider ship as it completed the loop.

"Unfortunately there were no casualties, except for a minor head injury to one of the puny humans. Morbo commiserates the raiders and wishes them better luck in the future. BWA HA HA!"

"Ha ha ha! This heinous attack has come to the attention of both presidential candidates. We now go live to the headquarters of the Earthican Nationalists, where Jack Wiseman is about to give his comments on the attack."

The picture switched to an image of Wiseman standing at a podium. "Today's horrific attack on our kind only goes to prove what I've been saying all along. Aliens are not to be trusted! My thoughts go out to that heroic boy lying in hospital, and I'm sure all of us wish him a speedy recovery. Fellow Earthicans, I promise you that if you vote me into office, attacks of this kind with be dealt with in a swift and decisive fashion! Humans will no longer be the whipping boys of the galaxy! We will show these outsiders that we're a force to be reckoned with!"

Amy turned to the others. "This can't be good."

"Don't worry," said Angela. "Earth is much better off if we work in cooperation with alien races, and I'm sure most people have the common sense to see that."

The image on the screen returned to Linda. "In the wake of today's attack, Jack Wiseman's comments are beginning to strike a chord with Earth's voters. Latest opinion polls show his popularity rising in leaps and bounds, up to forty-one percent now from eighteen percent just two days ago. Wiseman's comments have even managed to strike a chord with this particular voter. Together we can propel Jack Wiseman into office and rid the Earth of the alien scourge that has afflicted us for centuries. Ha ha ha!"

"BWA HA HA… wha?"

Bender switched off the TV. Amy and Angela stared at the blank screen.

"What was that about common sense, Angie?" asked Amy.

Angela was stunned. "Crap."