The Fu-trix, Part 5
It was totally dark. There was no sound or movement, apart from Bender scratching
his shiny metal ass, thinking - 'Here's another level for Fry to be rubbish at!!!"
"WELCOME TO THE LAST LEVEL OF THE STUPID AGES!" a deep voice from
above said, making them all jump. "YOU HAVE BRAVED 128 BiT. YOU HAVE BRAVED
64 BiT. YOU HAVE BRAVED 32 AND 16 BiT. NOW, IT IS 1993. TIME FOR... 8 BiT GRAPHICS!"
Suddenly, they found themselves in a black-and-white area with thousands of
platforms. Everything was poorly animated. And worst of all - they were 2-D!
"Oh my God!"
"Oh your God!"
"Please, anything else!"
"BRAVE THIS!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA! HAHAHA! HA!" the voice laughed. "HA."
Enemies appeared on some of the platforms.
"I guess we'd better get up to the top!" Leela said. Of course, they
didn't hear her say this - they read the subtitles underneath.
Fry didn't seem to have a problem. He jumped up to the platforms with ease,
defeating most enemies wih one kick. By the time Leela and Bender made it to the
third platform, Fry was on the 12th platform. They couldn't kill any of the enemies,
as Fry had already killed the ones that were there. Both of them were petrified.
On the subtitles it said -
LEELA: 8 B - B - BIT? BLACK AN - AN - AN... WHITE?
BENDER: DOES NOT COMPUTE, DOES NOT COMPUTE...
FRY: BUT I DON'T LIKE BEEN A DELIVERY BOY!
LEELA: SH - SH -SHUT UP FRY.
Fry was on the 78th platform when the lame music was replaced by even lamer
music. Fry thought this game was suitable for even a one year old - Leela thought
this was too horrific for a 17 year old. The enemies grew a bit harder on every
platform, but not by much. Leela and Bender were on the 36th platform when Fry
was on the 94th platform. So he thought a cheat to himself to transport them up
here. 'UP, A, B, UP', then Leela and Bender crashed through the platform.
LEELA: THANKS FRY... APART FROM THE CHRASHING. MY HEAD HURTS.
So they both followed Fry up to the 100th platform. When they reached it, there
were three medical drinks. Leela gave Bender one ( BENDER: DAMN, NO ALCOHOL! ),
took one herself then held out one to Fry.
FRY: KEEP THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!
Fry ran off.
LEELA: HOLD STILL DAMMIT! I DON'T HAVE GOOD DEPTH PERCEPTION.
Fry ran to the end of the platform, but couldn't go any further. Leela forced
the drink down his throat.
FRY: WHOA. HEY! I CAN SAY WHATEVER I WANT NOW! HA HA HA!
Then, a massive blob came up from behind. It was the most poorly animated
LEELA / BENDER: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
FRY: DON'T WORRY! ALL YOU DO IS KICK HIM RIGHT HE...
The blob whacked him off the platform.
[ BOOMP ]
Leela checked her wrist thingy ( sorry, but I still don't know what it's called!
) to see where Fry was -
he was on platform 23.
BENDER: DOUBLE OUCH.
Then, the blob knocked Bender off the platform too. Leela used the wrist thing
and saw that he landed on platform 76.
LEELA: I GUESS THAT'S TRIPLE OUCH.
Leela dodged the blob's next attack. The animation and Artificial Intelligence
was scary, but nevertheless, she started pounding it, hoping to get the weak spot.
Eventually, she found it. It was right...in...the... FOR GOD'S SAKE, YOU KNOW
WHERE!!!! So she started kicking the blob's YOU KNOW WHAT!!!, dodging whatever
attack he tried on her.
After what seemed like an eternity, the blob finally exploded, leaving behind
one hell of a sticky green mess.
Then, the place turned totally black again. The scoreboard popped down again.
This time it said -
LEELA: KILLS: 1/102 TIME TAKEN TO GET TO TOP: 8'34
INVOLVMENT WITH BOSS: 100%
BOSSY ( "Oh, ha ha. Lame 20th century humour." Leela said )
BENDER: LOST IN ACTION
TIME TAKEN TO GET TO TOP: 8'41
INVOLVMENT WITH BOSS: 0% BORE-BOT
FRY: KILLED IN ACTION
TIME TAKEN TO GET TO TOP: 6'23
INVOLMENT WITH BOSS: 0%
COOL - HOLIO!
"Killed in action?" Leela said to herself. "Fry... dead?"
"WELL DONE! YOU HAVE COMPLETED 2000AD: THE STUPID AGES. YOU WILL NOW BE
TRANSPORTED BACK TO THE OFFICE. I'M SUPPOSED TO GiVE YOU MONEY, BUT I'M NOT GONNA,
'COS YOU'RE A CHEATING B****! OR, IN OTHER, NICER WORDS, YOU CHEATED. OH, AND
DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE RED - HAIRED DUDE AND THE ROBO BOY, THEY ARE IN THE OFFICE
NOW. OH, BY THE WAY, IS THAT GUY A NATURAL RED - HEAD OR NOT? UH... NEVER MIND.
"THANKS FOR PLAYING!"
And so Leela was thrown out of the T.V and crashed into Fry.
"Oh... hi Leela!" he said, pulling her to her feet.
"Thanks..." she said. "The Peace losers gone?"
"Yeah," Fry replied. "So, what did the scoreboard say about
"It said I was... a Boss - Kicker, it said Bender was a Bore-Bot..."
"Hey, bite my shiny metal ass!" Bender said.
Nibbler was behind him, looking hungry.
"I didn't say it, the scoreboard did. And, Fry..."
"Yes, yes?" He asked hopefully.
Leela thought that if she told him his score, then he'd never shut up. So...
"Loser," Leela said.
Fry stared. Leela half expected him to yell, 'ALRiGHT! I'm a loser!', but instead,
he moaned. He moaned and he moaned.
'Great,' Leela thought. 'Now he's never gonna shut up about that, either!'
Nibbler was still looking hungry. He sniffed around for food. When Bender laughed
at Fry, Nibbler turned his attention to Benders ass. That ass.... all shiny looking...
no dents. The ass looked good enough to attack!
"You're a loser, meatball!" Bender said to Fry. "You thought
you were better than me, but you can bite my shiny metal AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!"
He started to run about. Nibbler had stuck his teeth in Bender's ass. He wasn't
letting go, he just kept biting and biting.
Bender finally got his wish.
Nibbler bit his shiny metal ass.
( THAT WAS PRETTY OBVIOUS )
Thanx for reading this story and stuff. Now that you have read this, PLEASE
rank it, even if you thought it was rubbish, I don't care, I just want a ranking
for this damn STORY!
In "Fry And The Slurm Factory", why is it that Fry pulled himself
away from the Slurm to check out Bender's hole, but not to save Leela and Bender?
Thanx go to Graham for putting up this story!