Futurama

Fan Fiction

Fry Wars II: Return of Leela
By Johnny Vanda

Shows outside of the Planet Express building, goes in through a window to show Fry and Bender sitting on the couch watching All My Circuits.

TV: All My Circuits will be right back, after these commercial messages.

Fry gets up and does some stretching as Bender throws his beer into a large pile of beer bottles, then reaches inside his chest cavity to get another beer.

Bender: Aw Crap, I'm outta beer!

Fry: What about the beer in the fridge?

Bender: I said I'm out of beer!

Fry: You drank seventeen 12 packs in 10 minutes!

Bender: No! I drank 'em 11 minutes.

Leela enters the room, just in time for All My Circuits to return.

Calculon: I am afraid to tell you that what he says is the truth, I am not the real Calculon!

Bender: [GASP] NO! It can't be true!

The Professor enters the room as the credits roll.

Professor: Good news everyone!

Bender: Oh no.

Professor: You'll be making a delivery to Viria 5, the virus planet, and not the good kind that kills you quick, the kind that lets you die a slow painful death. Off you go!

The crew loads up the ship, and takes off towards their destination. About halfway there, Fry notices a familiar planet.

Fry: Hey look, it's Medisti 9. I haven't been there in, about, one week. Yep, a whole week.

Leela: Forget about it Fry, we're not stopping.

As if on cue the ship rumbled and shook.

Fry: What's going on?!

Leela: I'll tell you when I find out!

Helplessly they watched as the ship sped towards Medisti 9. They were going through the atmosphere when Leela pressed a big red button.

Fry: What's that button do?

Leela: I don't know, I'm just pressing random buttons!

Fry: Where's Bender, anyway?

 

Cut to the PE building, Bender's on the couch watching another All My Circuits episode.

Robot Doctor: I'm glad to say it was actually a malfunction in his knowledge file; he is in fact the real Calculon.

Bender: Phew! Man, oh man. Hey, wasn't there supposed to be a delivery? [Looks around] I didn't think so.

He opened up a beer and began drinking it.

 

Back in the ship, Fry was running around like the idiot he was, and Leela was trying desperately to keep the ship from crashing.

Leela: We're boned.

Fry: Maybe John will save us.

Leela: Fry, he lives on the other side of the planet.

Fry: Oh yeah.

John: Hi.

John is suddenly in the PE Ship.

Leela: Where'd you come from?!

John: It's a simple Medisti trick known as teleportation, duh.

Leela: Oh, how'd you know where we were?

John: I can see the future too. I thought you knew all this.

Leela: Well I forgot.

John: You forgot after a week? That's not like you.

Fry: Can we talk AFTER you save us?

John: Okay.

John snaps his fingers, and suddenly they're safe on the ground and the ship is parked.

John: Now, what were we talking about?

Fry: About Medistis and stuff.

John: Ah yes, you people, you were the greatest Medistis I had ever trained last week!

Fry: I thought we were the only Medistis you'd trained.

John: That's why you're the best, you defeated SP Leela.

Leela: Don't you mean Sup.

Leela couldn't finish her sentence because John shoved his hand over her mouth.

John: Shut up, his name must never be spoken, some new law. I know it's stupid, but hey, most laws are.

Fry: Leave it to the government to ruin a planet.

John: What did you say about my planet!

John blasted Fry, and Fry flew back right off a cliff. John looks down the cliff.

John: Uh, run!

John and Leela run off, leaving Fry all alone. [Authors note: Fry's all alone, oh no, see if I care! HA HA HA]

Fry: Hello? Anyone there? John? Leela? Bender? [Bender's not there, that's the whole gag]

 

Later in Medisti John Hospital.

Fry is on a bed with Leela and John nearby.

John: ...So, you see we ran off to get an ambulance.

Fry: Oh good, I though you abandoned me.

John: We would never do that. [wink wink]

Leela: Yeah, heh heh.

A doctor enters the room.

Medisti Doctor: Well Mr. Fry, you'll be healed up in about twenty seconds. But I'm afraid you'll only live to be 134.

A flash of light surrounds Fry and he is healed. The doctor leaves, and Fry, Leela, and John walk out of the hospital.

John: Healing takes way to long these days, twenty seconds! Man, 10 years ago it was 15, now 20! What's next 25!

Fry: On Earth it could take months to heal.

John: Really? Technology must have got worse than it was when I last visited: 1004 years ago.

Fry: Yeah but, [realizing] what! A 1004 years!? I thought you looked familiar!

John: How so?

Fry: You came to Panuccis Pizza!

John: How can you call that pizza? It tasted like the garbage I made those punks eat.

Leela: What? Did you eat it too?

John: No but that's not the point. It tasted like Bender's Neptunian slug. No, worse!

Fry: Yeah, like anything can taste worse than Bender's Neptunian slug. [shudder]

After a long walk to the ship, Fry and Leela prepare to take off, but Leela notices the gas tank is empty.

Leela: Oh, we're outta fuel, John. You got any whale oil?

John: We don't ride around in spaceships, we teleport.

Leela: Then how come there's so many ship around.

John: Whoa, never noticed that there were so many! Damn tourists!

 

After a long lecture, we see Fry and Leela bored outta words. John is just yakking on and on and on.

John: And you're Medistis. I mean Leela, you shouldn't forget this is one week!

What Fry hears: Blah Blah Blah, Blah Blah Leela, Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah!

Fry: Uh-huh.

Leela: What about Fry?

John: He's obviously only hearing "blah" and "Leela". Besides, I expected him to forget, but not you. Fry, go watch TV!

What Fry hears: Fry, blah watch TV!

Fry: Watch TV. Watch TV.

He keeps saying this as he heads for the nearest television set and turns on All My Circuits.

Robot Doctor: The operation was a success! He should be fine now.

 

Back at the PE building, Bender is watching the same All My Circuits episode Fry is.

Bender: Whoa, I didn't think Calculon would pull through.

Span out to see the Professor, who walks in.

Professor: Good news, [looks around] Bender! We need someone to make a delivery to, uh, ah yes, our next-door neighbors!

Bender: Why me?

Professor: Because you're the only one here.

Bender: Why can't you deliver it, old man?

Professor: Deliver what?

Bender: The package.

Professor: What package?

Bender: The one I'm supposed to deliver.

Professor: What? Who are you?

Bender: Forget it.

Professor: Ah! Yes! The package. Off you go!

Bender: Crap!

 

While Bender was getting ready for his long long walk of about 10 feet, and while Leela was going to take her short 10 mile walk off to buy some whale oil, John and Fry are on the couch, both drinking a Slurm.

Fry: Where'd this couch come from anyway?

John: What? Don't you like it?

Fry: Oh no, it's a great couch, you brought it in huh.

John: Yeah.

After a hard 15 steps, Bender was finally at the door of the PE neighbors. He rang the doorbell and the lady from Xmas and the Titanic answered.

Lady: Yes.

Bender: Didn't you live a few blocks away?

Lady: Yes, but I moved.

Bender: I have a package for you. (You old bat.)

Lady: Thank you, I wonder if I should open it?

Bender: Oh just open it, you old rocker jockey!

Lady: Well! (The nerve of some people!)

Bender: (Jerk!)

The old lady had not noticed that Bender, somehow, had managed to steal her purse. He opened it to find a ton of money.

Bender: OH YEAH! I'M RICH!!

 

Back on the ship, Fry and John were watching TV, and the Sanford and Son music was playing.

TV: And now, back to Slugfard and Son.

Fry: This is a total rip-off of 20th century television.

John: Yeah, but what are ya gonna do?

Leela walks in with a can of whale oil, and drops it on the ground.

Leela: Can you guys help me?

John: Sure. [looks at his watch] Oh, look at the time! I gotta go train my new apprentice some more, see ya guys.

Leela/Fry: Bye John.

John teleports away and Leela makes Fry carry the whale oil outside. When he gets outside, he drops it on the ground just like Leela did shortly before.

Fry: Why do I have to fill the tank?

Leela: Because I had to walk for 24 hours!

Fry: So.

Leela: SO, you're gonna load the ship's tank with the whale oil!

Fry: Wouldn't it only take 20 hours?

Leela: Some idiot teleported the whole city two miles away from me.

Fry: I didn't dare John to do it.

Leela looks at him with a if-I-weren't-so-tired look.

Leela: Look, I'm going to go get some sleep.When I wake up, if the whale oil isn't in the tank, you'll be sorry.

Fry: Fine.

Leela leaves to go to her quarters. Cut scene to Fry sitting on the couch, watching the rest of Slugfard and Son. When it's over, Fry decides to put the whale oil in the gas tank, but then decides to just watch TV. Finally, 2 hours later, John comes back.

John: Shouldn't you be putting the oil in the tanks?

Fry: I was gonna, but then I decided just to watch TV.

John: Leela's not gonna like this Yogi, I mean Fry.

Fry: Okay, Boo Boo.

John blasts him again, will he ever learn. John ends up putting the whale oil in the tanks.

John: Well, I put the oil in the tanks.

Fry: How come the gas gauge says empty?

John: OH, the SHIP'S tanks, I thought you meant those.

John points to a few army tanks outside.

John: Well, have fun sucking all the whale oil outta the tanks, then putting them in the ship's tanks. Bye.

John teleports away again, and Fry looks around for a minute.

Fry: Eh, screw it.

Fry spends the next 10 hours watching TV, till Leela wakes up. Leela walks in looking a lot better, looks at the fuel gauge and gets a mad look on her face.

Leela: Fry! You were supposed to fill the tanks with the whale oil!

Fry: John did it for me, see.

He points to the army tanks, and Leela only gets angrier.

Leela: That's it! [suddenly calm] Fry you've won!

Fry: What? What?

Leela: You get to suck out all the whale oil from those tanks and put them in these tanks.

Fry: (Looks dumbfounded) Uh, yeah.

After a lot of sucking through a tube, Fry had completed his "prize" job.

Fry: [huff] Can [puff] we [huff] go [puff] now?

Leela: We still got a delivery to do.

 

After rocketing off, they, ironically enough, get halfway across the planet, and crash in John's front yard. John exits his house and looks at the crew.

John: I can see all possible outcomes, except this. What are you people doing here?

Leela: Fry? Did you put the whale oil in the ship?

Fry: I knew I forgot something!

Suddenly a cloaked figure comes up the street and stops by the crew.

Cloaked Figure: Who are these idiots who have crashed on your lawn.

John: Hey! Leela is not an idiot!

Fry: What about me?

John: Of course you're an idiot.

Cloaked Figure: Whatever. Leela, is it? Pleasured to meet you. And Fry, is it? You're right John, he is an idiot.

Fry: Hey!

Leela: Who are you?

John: Oh, this is my new apprentice.

Cloaked Figure: My name is Kate.

Leela: Kate, Medisti Kate?

Medisti Kate: That is correct.

Fry: A lady Medisti?

John: Hey it wasn't my idea: the council made me do it.

Fry: You listen to them?

John: I have to, they are the rulers of this planet.

Medisti Kate: Yes, if he can train me successfully, he will become part of the council.

John: Yeah, all that power.

Fry: Can we borrow some money? We need it for whale oil.

John: Borrow? You can keep it!

Fry: Cool!

John leads them into his house. They go into a large room, which looks a lot like a gym. John then takes them into a living room looking room. He opens a closet door and.money falls out.

Fry: John, where'd you get all the money?

John: The government. I didn't earn it, I don't need it, but if they miss on payment, I'll raise hell!

Fry: You got that off The Simpsons!

John: Yeah, but I just had to say it, it was just such a good time for it.

 

Cut to a weird looking lab, a cloaked figure is working on some weird body, we see it's that emperor dude from the last Fry Wars, his name has been long forgotten, so let's call him Some Old Guy.

Some Old Guy: HEY!

Fine let's call him Darth Old Dude.

Darth Old Dude: Try again.

FINE! We'll call him Darth. Let's just cal him The Emperor!

The Emperor: There, you got it.

He is in his lab working on something; a little poochie dog runs in.

Poochie Dog: Is it ready master, is it, is it, is it?

The Emperor: Not yet SP, but the time draws near.

SP: Yes! When I get my new body, I'll crush that Leela, Fry, and that John guy, all like paper cups!

His tail wags back and forth like a real dog, and it pans out to show a fortress on a scary looking mountain. It keeps going, until you can see the whole planet, then till the screen is completely black.


We find Fry sitting on John's couch watching the TV. Leela walks in and sees him watching a blernsball game.

Leela: Since when did you like blernsball, Fry? [No answer] Fry? [No answer again] FRY!

She taps him.

Computer Voice: Self-destruct activated.

The dummy Fry blows up in Leela's face, making the entire front side of her black. Fry laughs and comes out from another room.

Fry: Oh, Leela, I got you so good!

Cut scene to John looking at a book, the sounds of Leela kicking Fry's ass can be heard in the background. The whole time John just stares at the book. Leela comes on-screen looking real pissed off, and leaves on the opposite side. Fry comes in thirty seconds later, one hand clenching his stomach, the other hand rubbing his head, he also has a black eye, he coughs and one off his teeth fall out.

Fry: [moan] Ow, [looks at John] What are you doing?

John: [Still staring at the book] Reading.

Fry: Shouldn't you open the book?

John: Don't have to, I can read it closed.

Fry: I see. [Obviously not understanding] So what are you reading?

John: War and Peace 345.

Fry: Doesn't that have 7,649 pages in small print?

John: Yeah.

Fry: How long do you think it will take you?

John: I'm done.

Fry: What! Prove it!

 

5 days later, after John has recited the entire book of War and Peace 345 by memory, Fry is nowhere to be seen, but there is a crowd of people around John, who pay him for saying the whole thing. Fry walks in.

Fry: Ya know John, you should go for the Guinness Book Of World Records.

John: First of all, it's the Guinness Book Of Universal Records, and second of all, Medistis aren't allowed to enter because of their power; of course I just control their minds and put myself in the book, see.

John shows him 2999-3001's the Guinness Books Of Universal Records, In every one John is named "Smartest Creature Alive".

John: The square route of 24 is equal to the isosceles triangle of the equal sides and E=MC2.

Fry: [Lost and confused] Okay.

John: I'm also "The Greatest Living Legend".

John shows him that as well, Leela walks in covered in oil.

Leela: Well the ship's fixed. Fry, we can go now.

Fry: Yeah, we get to go back to Earth!

Leela: In case you're forgetting, we have to deliver a package to Viria 5.

Fry: Can we just dump it in the sewer or burn it?

Leela: You say that with every package, now come on!

Fry: Aw.

While Fry and Leela finally head for Viria 5, Bender has just got finished watching the five-day All My Circuits marathon.

TV: This concludes our five-day All My Circuits marathon.

Bender: They didn't make it long enough. [Guzzles down a beer and belches fire]

Hermes walks in.

Hermes: What! Where is Leela and Fry? You useless sack of bolts!

Bender: Hell if I know.

Hermes: They shoulda been back five days ago!

Bender: Don't look at me.

Hermes: And you were supposed to go wit 'em.

Bender: Uh, they hijacked the ship, yeah that's it, it wasn't my fault.

The Professor walks in.

Professor: Good News Everyone! I've invented a machine that tracks career chips. I call it The Career Chip Tracker!

Hermes: Can you use it to find out where Fry and Leela are?

Professor: Of course!

 

Cut scene to the Laboratory: the professor, Amy, Hermes, Nibbler (for some reason), and Bender are all gathered around the new invention.

Professor: Now we just push this button and [he pushes the button] it will work!

The screen turns on the show Fry and Leela on the bridge of the PE ship.

Bender: I thought you didn't give us career chips?

Professor: That's the beauty part: I forgot to take the career chips off the ship!

On the screen:

Leela: Fry, you probably got us fired.

Fry: Me?

Leela: I finished repairs on the ship an hour after we crashed! You had to stay and listen to John recite the entire book of War And Peace 345 by memory.

Fry: So?

Leela: So, it took five days!

Fry: Are we there yet?

Leela: We're almost there, just a few more light years. We're here.

Screen off:

Amy: It took five days?

Hermes: Wow, the entire book of War And Peace 345, and by memory!

Professor: Yes it is 7,649 pages long.

Bender: In small print.

On Viria 5, Fry and Leela get into protective suits, and go out onto the virus planet. They are greeted by a germ, twice their size. After a series of kicks, it finally squirms away, and they can go to their destination.

Fry: How can anyone live here?

Leela: Good question.

After a while, they get to where they need to drop off the package, when they ring the doorbell. Who should appear but the giant germ they met earlier. Recognizing them, it gets enraged and tries to kill them. They run for their lives, back to the ship. Before closing the doors, Leela takes the package and hits the germ in the face.

Germ: Hey thanks!

 

They fly off towards Earth, Leela is yelling at Fry the whole way, but to put it all here it would be longer than any fanfic so far, so I'll leave it out. After getting to Earth, they get a "hearty" welcome. Fry and Leela walk off the ship, and Hermes and Amy come up.

Amy: Hey guys.

Fry/Leela: Hey Amy.

Hermes: Hello. You're fired!

Leela: Ha ha. [Points at Fry]

Hermes: You too!

Leela: Wait, what?

Next scene Fry and Leela are on the streets.

Leela: Thanks a lot, Fry!

Fry: You're welcome. Hey wait a minute! You're being sarcastic!

Leela: Well duh!

As luck would have it, John strolls by, whistling the Futurama theme song.

John: Hello ex-Planet Express people.

Leela: Shut up.

Suddenly Leela floats up into the air, and gets knocked repeatedly into the side of the PE building. When she's finally put back down, she's unconscious.

John: There.

John keeps walking, only this time he's whistling The Simpsons theme song. Fry looks at Leela and runs off.

Later at his apartment, Bender is sleeping, Fry is too, so nothing important is going on right now. Later, when they're awake, nothing interesting is going on. So let's see what Darth Old Du, I mean The Emperor, is doing.

I his castle laboratory, high on top some mountain, he's doing interesting stuff, I think. Let's see.

The Emperor: Ah yes, it should be done any day now.

SP: Really! Really! Really!

The Emperor: Yes, it will all go into plan, very soon.

John: Boring, change the channel.

Fry: Okay. Hey, the remote's broke!

John: Great! Now we HAVE to watch Futurama, oh well.

The Emperor: I wonder what that Fry is doing; he will be the first target.

SP: We should discuss the plan after my new body is complete, master.

The Emperor: Good idea. But one thing is for sure, we're going to cross their names off the list, one by one, until there are no more left.

At Fry and Bender's something interesting finally has happened. Fry came out of his room after getting dressed to find who else but John sitting on the couch with Bender.

Fry: What are you doing here?

John: Fry, there you are! Look, George Lucas' head gave me this lightsaber.

Fry: Cool, which one's it from?

John: Episode 76, Return of the Empire.

John waves it around, then Bender grabs it.

Fry: Use it on me!

John: It's an actual lightsaber, it cut right through you.

Fry: Then cut off my arm, it'll grow back.

John: [rolls eyes] Okay, but if anyone asks, Bender did it.

Bender: Fine by me.

Later at the hospital (I forgot its name, something about taco belle), yet again Fry is in the hospital, John and Bender are nearby.

Doctor: Who did this?

Both John and Bender point at Fry.

John: He did it.

Bender: Yeah, he's an idiot.

John and Bender leave, and the doctor gives a lecture about being responsible. Finally, Fry is released with his arm back on, he walks down the street. After about 30 seconds he sees The Emperor carry SP down the street.

Fry: Excuse me, old man.

The Emperor: I'm tired of people calling me that! First the narrator, now you!

Fry: The what?

The Emperor: Uh, nothing. What were you going to ask, young man?

Fry: Where'd you get the dog?

SP: [growl] Watch it, I'm not a dog, I'm a robot.

Fry: You sound awfully familiar, have we met?

SP: No, not at all.

Fry: Because I could swear I knew you from somewhere.

SP: WE HAVEN'T MET!

Fry: Geez, don't have to get so mad about it.

Fry walks off.

SP: I knew you shouldn't have come here for those chemicals.

The Emperor: Earth is the only planet that has them and least we know where one of the, wait a minute!

The Emperor is running to catch up with Fry; he runs fast for an old guy.

The Emperor: Enough with the old jokes! [Gets near Fry] Young Man!

Fry: Yeah.

The Emperor: You wouldn't happen to know someone named, what's her name, SP?

SP: [To The Emperor] Shut up, stupid! [To Fry] Leela, that's her name.

Fry: Yeah I know Le... wait a minute, did you just call him SP?

SP: No, he called me, Uh, less me.

Fry: Phew, good, cause I thought you could be that SP robot dog.

SP: The one that punched John through a brick wall and Leela kicked him into a pit of molten lava?

Fry: That's the one. How'd you know?

SP: I watch the news.

The Emperor: Enough, where does this Leela live?

Late at apartment 1I, Leela is sitting on her lone chair in the blank white room [think how much it would suck if it got a stain on it]. She hears a knock on the door, thinking it's Fry, she uses a stupid way to make him leave.

Leela: I'm not here.

The Emperor: [Muffled behind the door] Man SP, she's not here!

SP: [Muffled behind the door] Now I know why I'm the brain. Of course she's here, you moron!

The Emperor: [Muffled behind the door] I won't make your new body if call me a moron again!

SP: [Muffled behind the door] Fine, stupid.

The Emperor: [Muffled behind the door] That's better. Is anyone home?

Leela: No.

It now shows The Emperor holding SP outside the door.

The Emperor: See SP, she's not here.

SP: [Puts his paw on his head] Idiot. Now she knows who we are.

Leela: Who are you? SP?

Flashback to Medisti 9, John mentioning a SP. She remembers Super Pochie. Another Flashback, this time to the battle with SP, about 2 weeks before.

SP punches John right through a brick wall. When Fry tries to stop him, he gets a chokeslam.

SP: You can never defeat me, puny Medisti fools. [Evil Laugh]

Back to reality.

Leela: Uh, hold on, I'll be out in a minute.

The Emperor: See, my plan worked.

While they waited, Leela ran out her fire escape, heading for Fry's as fast as she could. When she got there, she knocked on the door, and Bender answered.

Bender: Hey, unemployed meatbag.

Leela: I need to see Fry, now!

Fry: What, you want to yell at me?

Leela: No, I need to talk to.

John: Me?

Leela: Yeah you.

John: What about?

Leela: About SP.

John: What about the melted mutt?

Leela: He and some Old Guy came to my door.

Cut scene to Leela's front door. The Emperor and SP are still standing there.

SP: Sir, she's not here.

The Emperor: Don't be silly, she'll be out any minute.

SP: But she's at that Fry's house and she just called you ol.

The Emperor: Nonsense SP, she'll be out any minute, and then we can kill her.

SP put his paw on his head again. Cut scene back to Fry's.

John: Leela you're obviously a lunatic, go to a loony bin.

Leela: No I'm not!

Fry: I believe you.

Leela: Shut up, Fry!

John: Now I'll prove to you it's your imagination.

The scene changes to show John in Fry's apartment, same as last scene, but the clock is an hour later.

John: I'll tell you one thing, for an Old Guy he sure can run.

Pan out to see Fry with another black eye.

Fry: And for a little shrimpy dog he really can kick some ass.

Pan out to see Leela.

Leela: See, I was right!

John: Sure you were, but this is just another problem on my busy schedule.

Fry: If you have such a busy schedule, then how come you've been here all day?

John: Even I get days off.

Cut back to the old guys.

The Emperor: That's getting old!

Laboratory - SP is nearby watching him put the chemicals into the machine.

SP: Is it done?

The Emperor: Almost.

SP: Oh boy! [wags tail]

The Emperor: All right, now all we need is, what do we need?

SP: Oh man.

Well this is going to take a while. Say, doesn't The Emperor kinda remind you of the professor? Nah. The next day at PE, Fry and Leela obviously are not there. Bender is sitting on the couch, and the professor is trying to find a new captain and a new delivery boy. He is in his lab talking to someone.

Professor: That's it, get out!

Man: Rats.

The man leaves and Fry walks in.

Professor: You are.

Fry: Asking for the job of delivery boy.

Professor: Hmm, how much do want me to pay you?

Fry: However much you give me.

Professor: Do you have any experience?

Fry: I recently lost my last delivery boy job.

Professor: I like you, you're hired!

Fry: Still got it.

The Professor crosses out delivery boy on his list.

Professor: Now, what's your name?

Fry: Fry.

Professor: Pleased to meet you uh, Fry is it?

Fry: Yeah.

They go into the conference room.

Professor: Good news everyone! I've hired a new delivery boy!

Amy: What's his name?

Professor: Fry!

Hermes: I fired him yesterday!

Professor: No, you fired Fry. I didn't hire Fry, I hired Fry!

Fry: Hey guys.

Hermes: But Profess... forget it.

Professor: I've also hired our new captain.

Amy: Let me guess, her name is Leela.

Professor: How'd you guess?

Leela walks in and sits in her usual seat in the conference room.

Hermes: Professor, I just fired both of them yesterday!

Professor: Well I re-hired them. They're the only ones who'll accept our extremely low pay.

Hermes: [sigh]

Back at the Old Dude's Lab.

The Emperor: STOP CALLING ME OLD!!!

SP: Whom are you talking to, Sir?

The Emperor: No one.

SP: Freak.

The Emperor is messing around with the robot body, and he finally finishes it.

The Emperor: It's finished!

SP: Oh boy! [Wags tail]

Pan out to see his new body, which resembles Metal Gear, except it's a giant dog. The Emperor sticks a plug into SP and one into the machine; the wires both lead to a computer. He transfers SP's mind into the machine. Its eyes glow as it comes to life.

In the exact same voice SP speaks.

SP: From now on I will be called... I'll have to think of a good name.


We now see The Emperor and SP on some sort of target range.

The Emperor: Alright SP, It’s time to test your surface-to-air missiles.

SP just smiles, and it goes to a view from his eyes. An X is going around the screen and selects one of three targets, which look like John, Fry and Leela. The Leela target is selected.

Computer Voice: Target acquired.

SP: Fire.

A rocket takes off from somewhere on SP’s right arm, heads into the atmosphere, and comes down on the Leela figure. After a huge explosion, there is nothing left of any of the three targets.

Computer Voice: Target destroyed.

SP: Excellent.

 

Meanwhile at the PE, Leela is asleep on the couch, dreaming a very weird dream. She is on top a huge destroyed figure, and Bender is standing in front of her. His eyes are glowing red, and he has a different voice.

Bender: For a hundred years I have evolved far past my original self. I was once a weak little robot dog, with no mind of its own, but that has all changed now.

Leela: Too bad, looks like your trying to kill us was a failure.

Bender: Ha, then why am I in this body then? Why am I? I’m going to fight you, and rid myself of you once and for all!

Leela: …

Bender: At this height, to fall would even kill me. You don’t stand a chance.

Leela gets up and prepares for a fight, but Bender has one last thing to say.

Bender: If I go down, I’m taking you with me…

Leela awoke with a start.

Leela: What weird dream.

John: Ya know, dreams sometimes show the future, past, present, or they mean nothing.

John is sitting, playing a game of poker with Bender. He looks at his hand and it turns into a Royal Flush.

John: Royal Flush, Bender. Read ‘em and weep.

Bender: Aw crap!

Bender reluctantly hands over his chips. After a few more hands and a few more flushes, John walks away with all of the chips.

John: heh, heh, loser.

The Professor walks in, carrying a piece of paper.

Professor: Good news everyone!

Bender: Oh boy.

Professor: You’ll be making a delivery.

John: No we won’t.

Professor: We won’t?

John: Nope.

Professor: I could have sworn we were.

John: Just your imagination.

The Professor walks away, confused, and John starts a poker game with Fry. And for the first time, Zoidberg is here, although he doesn’t say anything; he’s eating something that doesn’t look too appetizing.

John: (Looking at his watch) Oh, look at the time!

Fry: You're just saying that so I won’t win back my money.

John: No, I really gotta go, and you don’t have any money to win back with!

Fry: Oh yeah.

John rolls his eyes as he vanishes from view. Cut scene to The Old Guy’s place.

The Emperor: That does it! (He takes a gun and shoots the narrator, a new narrator comes in)

He is watching SP stomp on target after target of Leela, over and over and over again.

The Emperor: That’s it SP! Crush them! Crush them all!

SP: You can’t tell me what to do.

The Emperor: Sure. All right, we’ll attack in ten hours as planned.

SP: Excellent.

He shoots another missiles and it blows up the last Leela target.

SP: HA HA HA HA HA!

 

Back at PE. The professor remembered the delivery that had to be made, and it wasn’t long before they were on their way.

Leela: Blast off.

The PE Ship blasted off into space towards its destination. About 4½ hours later, they made it there. When the ship touched down, it was on a mud-like planet. Naturally, on a mud-like planet, you have to have mud-like monsters. They were everywhere, all over the place. The gang came off the ship to be “greeted” by a few of these monsters. After a series of battles, the gang is finally on their way. About halfway to their destination, a huge monster comes.

Leela: Oh great, just what I need.

While Leela was fighting the monster, Fry was hiding in a hole he found.

Fry: I’ll be safe in here.

But Fry was all but right, as the ground beneath him gave away and he fell into the darkness.

Fry: HELP!

By now, Leela had just now beaten the huge monster, she heard Fry’s scream.

Leela: Did you hear something?

Bender: No.

They went on, not noticing that Fry was missing. They didn’t notice ‘till they delivered the package.

Leela: Where’s Fry?

Bender: Haven’t seen him since you fought that giant monster a while ago.

Leela: Oh no!

 

Scene change to Fry on some sort of weird table with metal things chaining him to it, The Emperor walks in.

The Emperor: Well, well, well, Mr. Fry, We meet at again.

Fry: Hey, you’re that old guy.

The Emperor: STOP SAYING THAT!

Fry: Heh, heh, old guy.

The Emperor: That’s it!

He starts to approach Fry, but is interrupted by SP.

SP: SIR!

The Emperor: Oh, what now?

He walks outside to see SP ready for the invasion.

SP: They’re on the surface looking for him.

The Emperor: Let them, soon we will attack.

SP: Why can’t we go back to the castle?

The Emperor: Because I said so!

SP: Jerk.

The Emperor: That’s it, you’re fired.

SP: No, you are.

SP launches a missile at The Emperor, which blows him up into many pieces.

SP: I am in charge now…

 

Back on the surface, Leela and Bender are searching for Fry, with no luck.

Leela: Did you find him?

Bender: Find who?

Leela: Fry!

Bender: What about him?

Leela: You're supposed to be looking for him!

Bender: Not the last time I checked, meatbag.

Leela: [sigh] I guess I’d better keep looking.

As if on cue, Leela’s wrist communicator started ringing. Leela answered it and the professor’s hologram showed up.

Professor: Good news everyone! We have a new package to deliver! You have to come back immediately!

Leela: But we have to find Fry.

Professor: Now, now, I’m sure he’ll find himself, now hurry up.

The crew went back to the ship, while Fry was being interrogated by SP.

SP: Where are they?

Fry: Who?

SP: I’m the one interrogating here! Your crewmates, you idiot of a 43 IQ.

Fry: 44.

SP: Close enough. Now where are they!? Answer me!

Fry: Probably on Earth.

SP: Probably? Probably? Of course they’re on Earth! I need to know where!

Fry: I thought you knew Leela’s address?

SP: Yes, but I need to know John’s as well.

Fry: He doesn’t live on Earth…

SP: Then where does he live?

Suddenly, John appears.

John: Hey, Fry, I got this cool, (looks at SP) uh, I’ll come back…

John leaves. SP begins to interrogate Fry some more, while Leela and Bender just now made it back to Earth.

Leela: Listen Professor, we really need to find Fry.

Professor: We can look after you make the delivery.

Bender: Where’s it to?

Professor: Lets’ see, it’s to Malaria 3, the malaria infected mosquito planet.

Leela: Oh great, I could really use malaria.

Professor: Then everything is settled; off you go.

 

Meanwhile SP is beginning to get angry.

SP: Where on Medisti 9 does he live!? Do I have to get the feather again?

Fry: I’ll never talk.

SP: Have it your way. I’ll just kill you and get the information from your dead brain’s memory bank. I’m gonna enjoy this.

John appears again.

John: As I was saying, (looks at SP again) Oh right, you.

John disappears again, and SP brings out the feather.

Fry: What are you gonna do, tickle the information out of me?

SP: You know what this does.

Suddenly it opens into a death ray.

Fry: Oh great…

 

About this time, Leela and Bender are delivering their package to its owner on Malaria 3.

Leela: Bender, have you seen the map of this sector.

Bender: Fry had it.

Leela: Oh great.

She looks at the planets, one is shaped like a big X, one has a sign that says “Vorgin 56”, and one has a sign that says “Malaria 3”.

Leela: Hmm, which one. That one.

She point at the X shaped one, and the ship lands on the surface.

Bender: Uh, Leela?

Leela: What?

Bender: You ever get that creepy déjà vu feeling?

Leela: Huh?

She looks around, it just happens to be the mud-like planet.

Leela: Well let’s look for Fry.

Bender: You mean, let’s you look for Fry.

Bender goes back onto the ship, making Leela search by herself. After about, fifteen minutes of unsuccessfulness, she accidentally falls down the same hole Fry did.

Leela: Ahh!

She fell down the hole and saw SP interrogating Fry.

SP: All right, Mr. Fry, you had your chance, but now you will die…

Leela: NO!

She dove at SP, stupidly; in case you forgot, he’s in a huge body.

SP: Moron.

He takes his hand and flicks Leela away; she goes flying and hits a brick wall.

Bart: Uh-oh! I can’t let dad see me play ’in hooky!

Homer: I can’t let the boy see me skip ‘in work!

We see SP watching The Simpsons, with Leela tied to one table and Fry tied to another.

Bart: He’s like some kind of, none-giving up, school guy!

SP: heh heh heh, that Bart.

Leela is unconscious and having another weird dream. It’s of her shooting at Fry, he’s shooting back, they're both trying to kill each other. John and Bender are shooting at Fry too. Then she wakes up…

Leela: What?

Chief Wigum: Oh my god! Someone’s taken a bite out of the big rice crispy square! Oh and the waiter has been brutally beaten.

SP: Heh heh heh.

Leela: Fry?

Fry looks over.

Fry: Leela?

Leela: Did you not know I was here?

Fry: Where’s here?

Leela: I don’t know.

SP: SHUT UP!!!

Leela: I had another weird dream.

Fry: So.

SP: That does it.

SP picks up the TV and throws it at Leela, it hits her and she is knocked out. The weird dreams continue, Leela is in the PE ship and everyone is there, they seem to be celebrating about something.

Fry: Yes!

John: Yes what?

Fry: I don’t know, I haven’t said anything in a while.

John: I wouldn’t celebrate so soon.

Fry: Why not?

Suddenly the ship shakes violently.

John: That’s why.

Kate: This sucks.

Leela: Where’d you come from?

Kate: Medisti 9, duh, where else.

Leela: What’s going on?

John: Beats me. But it might be that huge ship outside, ya know, the one shooting at us.

Fry: Nah.

The ship shakes even worse than the last time. John motions for Fry to go shoot at it. Fry runs off to fire at it. The ship really shakes this time, but we now see Fry shooting at the ship, and then, Leela wakes up.

Leela: Wha?

She now sees that SP is gone and Fry is unconscious too. She looks around, John appears yet again.

John: All right now, (looks around) Uh I’ll come back later.

He disappears, and then comes back.

John: Oh SP is gone.

He releases Leela and Fry, and then wakes him up, after he fell, flat on his face.

Fry: Where am I?

John: In the year 4056.

Fry: Oh no! I slept past 1000 years!

John: (to Leela) Moron.

Fry: Must find time machine.

 

Later, after John, Leela, and Fry walk for a while, John started a conversation.

John: So, what’s happened so far?

Leela: In what?

John: Just making conversation. So, how is everyone?

Fry: Miserable.

Leela: Not really feeling anything.

John: Okay, well it’s gonna be my birthday soon.

Fry: How old are you.

John: …Uh, (Gets out his phone) yo Kate? Do you know how old I am? Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh, all right.

Fry: How old are you?

John: About, 14 eons.

Fry: So that’s, how many years is that?

Leela is standing there with her mouth wide open, stunned.

John: About, do you really want to know?

Suddenly, a laser beam shot across the screen hitting John, sending the others flying from the impact.

John: OOOWWWW!!!! THAT HURT! Which is bad because I shouldn’t be able to feel pain.

After the light vanishes, they all look from where it originated. SP is standing there, with an evil grin on his face.

SP: You may have escaped your chains, but you’ll never escape me.

He fires a bunch of missiles at the gang, although they easily dodge it. John is making his way towards SP, while Fry and Leela are hiding behind stuff. He fires another payload.

John: Hmm? Hmm? Wha? [He’s hit by the missles] AHH!!

John goes flying past Fry and Leela as they make their way forward.

Fry: Wow, this reminds me of Metal Gear Solid. I am Solid Snake.

Solid Snake: [Fires Stinger missile at SP] Yeah Right.

Solid Snake runs off, and John comes back.

John: Ow, I have a headache.

Fry: [mumbles] Stupid snake.

Fry is now hit - moron - and flies right into a wall.

Fry: Ow, my head…

John: Welcome to my world.

Leela: What about SP?

John: Oh right.

John and Leela start firing at SP with some Stingers Snake left behind.

SP: Your puny missiles can’t harm me. [BOOM] OW!

He open his mouth. Naturally, Leela gets him inside it.

SP: OOWWW!!!!!!!!

And for no apparent “raisin”, Bender walks in.

Bender: So, this is where you skin tubes have been.

Leela: Not now Bender.

Bender: Well maybe if you shut up this damn racket.

He goes over to SP and kicks his ankle. SP shuts down.

John: My, well that was easy.

Bender: [His eyes turn red, and his voice changes to SP’s] Yes, very easy.

“Bender” picks up a missile and throws it at the gang; the explosion knocks them all unconscious.

 

Leela awoke, she was on top of SP’s old body, and saw Bender in front of her…

SP: For a hundred years, I have evolved far past my original self. I was once a weak little robot dog with no mind of it’s own, but that has all changed now.

Leela: To bad, looks like your trying to kill us was a failure.

SP: Ha! Then why am I in this body then? Why am I? I’m going to fight you, and rid myself of you once and for all!

Leela: …

SP: At this height, to fall would even kill me. You don’t stand a chance.

Leela gets up and prepares for a fight, but Bender has one last thing to say.

SP: If I go down, I’m taking you with me…

Of course the battle is ruined, because Fry tackled SP off his old body, luckily not falling off himself.

SP: SNNAAKKKEEE!!! I mean uh, LLEEEELLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

He fell into the darkness, but there was suddenly a beep.

Bender: What the fu, [CRASH] OOWWWW!!!!

Fry and Leela jump from piece to piece of SP, until they’re at the bottom. They go over to see Bender. His body is completely flat, but his head is okay.

Fry: Bender, is it you?

Bender: SHUT UP!

Leela: It’s him all right.

Leela looks over at Fry and is shocked to see; when the missiles went off, a piece of it flew right into Fry’s right eye.

Leela: Fry!

Fry: Yeah.

Leela: Can you see out of your right eye?

Fry: No, and it hurts a lot. OW!

John walks over and looks at Fry.

John: AHH!!! Fry you’ve got a piece of a missile in your eye.

Fry: I do? (He touches it, pushing it in further) OOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!

John: [Sigh] Let’s go.

Later at PE, we see Fry with his eye still impaled with the missile piece.

Fry: Is there a doctor here.

Zoidberg: (Raises hand) I’m a doctor.

Fry: Any REAL doctors here.

Zoidberg puts his hand down.

John: I have an ACUTAL degree in face repair.

Fry: Perfect.

John: Come with me.

About, 20 minutes later they come back.

Leela: Hey, your eye looks great.

We now see Fry, his eye looks like it always does.

John: It’s robotic.

Fry’s eye turns red, [you know what’s gonna happen] and he smiles.

Fry: Ha ha ha!

Fry leaves, and John looks worried.

John: Uh, I’ll come back.

John just stands there.

Bender: Isn’t this where you teleport?

John: Yes.

Leela: Shouldn’t you be gone?

John: Yes. What’s going on?

Leela: Good question, but it might have something to do with that pain you felt earlier.

John: Yeah. Hey SP!

Fry: What?

John: What was that ray you zapped me with?

Fry: A medisti power destructor ray.

John: Oh, so I’m your average immortal human? Oh, okay. AAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

By this time, the others obviously know what’s going on, and are trying to escape.

Fry: Don’t move.

He raises a blaster and points it at them.

Fry: Make any move and I’ll shoot.

John: Fry, you have to fight it. Oh wait! You’re too weak to. Right.

Fry: SHUT UP!

He fires at John and hits him. John flies back in a cool, he’s-got-to-be-dead way, into a pile of boxes.

Leela: Whoa.

Fry: SHUT UP!!

He fires at Leela. She barely dodges it, and it hits Bender’s head.

Bender: OW!

Fry: SHUT UP!!!

SP shoots Bender’s head again.

By now, John has got up, as you remember, he is immortal.

John: Hey SP, look!

He points behind SP and SP looks. John kicks him in the shin, and punches him in the face, then chokeslams him; after all, he’s in Fry’s human body. John takes this time to steal SP’s blaster and runs off with the blaster, pointing at him. The others see a box of blasters, conveniently right there, and grab them. SP also grabs one, and the gunfight begins. Leela begins the firing, followed by Amy, Hermes, and even the professor. Bender can’t shoot, he’s just a head, remember. John seems to come out of nowhere and shoots Fry right in his right eye. Fry’s body falls to the ground, with sparks flying.

Leela: Fry? Fry?!

Fry gets up, and his eye looks like a burned sorta thing.

Professor: Good news everyone!

Cut scene - the PE ship is going through space. On board, John, Bender with his new body, Leela, and Fry, now complete with Big Boss’ real eye-patch, collectors item.

John: Careful with that Fry, that cost me a ton.

Fry: Uh-huh.

John: So then I said to him.

Leela: What’d ya say to him?

John: I said…

 

Hours later…

Fry: Yes!

John: Yes what?

Fry: I don’t know, I haven’t said anything in a while.

John: I wouldn’t celebrate so soon.

Fry: Why not?

Suddenly the ship shakes violently.

John: That’s why.

Kate: This sucks.

Leela: Where’d you come from?

Kate: Medisti 9, duh, where else.

Leela: What’s going on?

John: Beats me, but it might be that huge ship outside, ya know, the one shooting at us.

Fry: Nah.

The ship shakes even worse than the last time. John motions for Fry to go shoot at it. Fry runs off to fire at it. The ship really shakes this time, but we now see Fry shooting at the ship.

Fry: You're going down.

The PE’s engines get hit.

Fry: Aw man.

Fry runs back down to the bridge.

Leela: Man! We have to get to the escape pods!. And we need someone to fire at the ship, and there’s no gun in the escape pod.

They all look at John.

John: OH! Just because I’m the immortal man who can’t die, even from lack of air, dehydration, starvation, getting shot in the head, and so on, I have to stay and fire. Do you know how long it’ll take me to float to the nearest planet! Huh! 5 years! 5! Well you win.

They all run to the escape pod, except John of course. He stays and fires at the other ship, and the crew takes off…

 

The End.

Epilogue

Three months later.

Kate successfully became a real Medisti, and now is re-teaching John. Bender got his new body, which looked just like his old one. Fry now has a new eye from eye crafters, formally hand crafters. Amy didn’t have pretty much anything in this story if any, so screw her. Zoidberg is pretty much the same. Hermes is pretty much the same, too. The professor invented many new things, none that work very well. Scruffy wasn’t in this here story, so he ain’t going to be mentioned. Leela won the lottery and blew off the lazy bum friends she had before and now lives in a huge mansion on Mars. The Emperor was found alive - believe it or not! - and is now serving life in jail. As for SP, he’s been spotted a few times, and will probably be back again, someday…

Thank you for reading and be ready for my next story:

Metal Gear Solid 3: Sons Of Stupidity

Staring: Year 3000 Philip J. Fry (Solid Snake)
Year 3056 Philip J Fry (Big Boss) Complete with eye patch!
Turanga Leela
Bending Unit 22
Year 3056 John (Grey Fox)
Year 3056 Kate (Sniper Wolf)
And the rest…

Be sure to buy Metal Gear Solid 3: Sons Of Stupidity action figures!

The REAL End

It’s over, you can leave now. Goodbye! GO!!!!

Buddies