Futurama

Fan Fiction

Fry-day Night Fever, Part 2
By J R Hosner

See disclaimer in Part I for legal crap.


Part II: My heart burns for you. Wait, that's not my heart.

[Locke is in the break room of the ship hitting a vending machine, Fry walks in]

Locke: Bloody death! Won't accept my fake money will you! [He hits the machine again] I'll show you.

Fry: What up?

Locke: The Slurm machine won't accept the fake money Bender gave me.

Fry: Ohh. Watch and learn. [He then hits it in the same place as Locke was hitting it] Stupid machine! I'll kill you. [He hits the vending machine again a loud crunch is heard and a can falls out]

Locke: Alright. Thanks.

Fry: [his hand is mangled] Oww. I think it's broken. Let me check [he touches his hand and two fingers fall off] Yeah it's broken. [He bends over to pick the fingers up and sees another can of Slurm in the slot] Alright, two for one! [takes the Slurm and leaves his fingers on ground]

Locke: Shouldn't you have those put back on?

Fry: Ehh. I'll do it later. [takes a sip]

Locke: So how did you adjust to all of this. I mean everything is so different. Everyone you knew is gone, everywhere we used to go is buried underneath New New York, aliens roam the streets (Mexican or Italian Joke here?), robots killing and working with humans, suicide booths. It's bit much to take in.

Fry: Yeah it is. I guess I just didn't fit in so much in the past it was just easy to fit in here.

Locke: Hmm. So if you could go back would you?

Fry: Ha! No way! Here I've got a great job as a delivery boy, an good apartment, a room mate that dreams of killing humans and theft, and several love interests that I might get to know better if I play my cards right. It's great here.

Locke: What was your job in the past?

Fry: I was a uhh, delivery boy.

Locke: Did you have an apartment in the past?

Fry: Yeah.

Locke: Did you have a room mate?

Fry: Yeah. His name was Frank, he was arrested for planning to kill people and rob a bank.

Locke: Didn't you have a girlfriend in the past?

Fry: Yeah.

Locke: So, in other words, nothing's changed.

Fry: No lots of stuffs… umm, uhhh not really.

[the intercom switches on Leela's voice is heard: "We're almost at Strife 3. Locke get to the weapons locker and get what you need and meet me in the cargo hold in 10 minutes. Fry get the paperwork for the delivery and meet me up on the bridge. We should be landing soon."]

Locke: Well I'm gonna go see what pointy and explosive things are in the weapons locker.

Fry: Yeah I better sew these things back on before the delivery. [holds up his two detached fingers]

[about ten minutes later in the cargo bay Locke is standing by several large crates holding two laser pistols practicing a gun kata]

Fry: [he walks in carrying a couple forms, one hand has the pinky and middle finger switched] Ready?

Locke: [starring at Fry's hand] Umm yeah. Maybe a doctor should have done that.

Fry: Well it was me or Dr. Zoidberg, and I decided to take my chances.

Locke: You mean that hideous, foul smelling, poor, lobster is a doctor?

Fry: Technically.

Zoidberg: Horary I'm being noticed, but he's right, Amy you should have come to me to get your noses reattached.

Fry: I'm Fry.

Zoidberg: Don't try to pull one over one ol' Zoidy, young lady, he's been studying human anatomy for the past six weeks through his mail order program. [Growls, snaps claws menacingly at Fry]

Locke: Eeee! Good choice Fry.

Leela: [she walks in and looks at Fry's hand] Fry you've been hitting the vending machine again haven't you?

Fry: Yes.

Leela: You should have at least let a doctor put them- Oh right Zoidberg. Well you should have come to me then.

Fry: Is that a-

Leela: Finish that sentence and you'll have 11 digits to sew back on.

Fry: Yes Captain!

Bender: [walks in] Hey meatbags what's cooken? Who let Zoidberg back on the ship?

Leela: [she brings a map up on the consol] Now these need to be delivered past this minefield between the pool of lava and cannon testing range here. The order says there should be a bunker there which is where the package goes.

Bender: Awww! Why do we always have to park the ship miles from where the package is supposed to be delivered?

Leela: Because the ship isn't insured to park so close to the destination.

Bender: Can't we just fly over the bunker and drop the crates on it? Look I'll even forge their signature.

Locke, Fry, and Bender: Yeah!

Bender: Great idea Bender.

[Leela stares angrily at the crew]

Fry: OK let's deliver the package.

Leela: Good. When you're done come right back to ship we have other deliveries to make.

Type "1" if you want to see the heroic action and adventures

Bender, Fry and Locke have on Strife 3

Type "2" if you want to stay with Leela as she does her paperwork.

(Author's note: Leela will take off her clothes in this option)

"You have selected "2" 'pervert'"

[Bender, Fry and Locke leave with two large crates on a hover-dolly. Leela goes to her Captain's quarters]

Leela: [thinking] Oh I'm hot this jacket is just too warm. [she removes her jacket and throws it on her bed and sits at her desk] These boots are driving me crazy too I should have broken them in earlier. [she takes off her boots and socks] It is warm in here maybe I should take my top and pants off and just do the paperwork in my underpants… Nah, I think I'll just turn on the air conditioner.

(Author's note: Ha! Shoes and a jacket count as clothes I didn't say she would take them all off. Ha! Ha! Ha! You got burned! Serves you right for choosing "2"… pervert.)

Leela: [while signing various papers] Let's see carry the one… Brain Slugs and carnivorous mushrooms… [Fry's screams are heard in the background] Let's see two tons of soylent beans to Starbucks 4 that was yesterday. [explosions are heard followed by laser blasts and Locke yelling "John Woo eat your heat out!…Oww! Oww! Oww! It burns!"]… 2,500 dollars… ohh wait no that's 25 dollars. [Bender's scream is heard "No my loot! I'll kill you"] …three limbs, two heads, five torsos ["Ahh! Shoot them not me!" "Sorry Fry my bad." More laser blasts.] …aphrodisiacs, hip braces and first aid kits to Amazonia [everything has been calm outside for about ten minutes then "Cheese it!" is heard followed by explosions and laser blasts]… 27 owl traps...

[Several minutes later, Bender, Fry and Locke run on board. Fry's hair and shoulders are singed, Bender is covered in mud and has several holes in his back and ass, Locke lost his shirt and has torn and muddy pants and several cuts and scrapes they are all exhausted]

Leela: Locke are your well defined pecks OK?

Locke: Huh?

Leela: I mean are you OK? Lets get you out of those pants.

Locke: [excited] Huh!?

Leela: [embarrassed] I mean because they're torn and muddy.

Fry: My pants are burnt.

Leela: Not now Fry.

Fry: They're even worse than his [points to left leg which is on fire] Ahhhh.

Bender: [Having recently mixed another martini yells also and throws his drink on Fry's burning leg] Oh wait.

[The alcohol explodes and more of Fry is on fire]

Fry: [unhappily] Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh- *sharp inhale* Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

[Runs franticly and finally extinguishes self with several half full cans of Slurm]

Leela: [she hasn't noticed Fry's problem and is staring at Locke as he changes shirts] Fry, stop screaming like that.

 

Part II Is over

Buddies