"Not Targeted At Any Specific Age Demographic".
Screen: A Tom and Jerry cartoon.
The Professor is sleeping and mumbling to himself and wakes up and he screams!
Prof. Farnsworth: AAAAHHH!!! My nerves! My nerves! Oh, my nerves! (Reaches for his medicine and takes a swig).
Some loud music plays in the living room that sounds like a rock jam session played very messed up.
Prof. Farnsworth: LEELA! Come in here!
Leela (walks into the room): What is it Professor?
Prof. Farnsworth: You've always been a stick in the mud, tell those morons to stop playing that horrid music!
Leela: I'm no stick in the mud but I'll do it!
Fry, Bender, and Dr. Zoidberg were playing musical instruments. Bender had an electric guitar, Zoiberg had drums, and Fry had a keyboard. They were playing the music in sour notes.
Leela: Okay, people. Settle down! As much as I like rock music you have to stop this, right now!
Bender (breaks his guitar in anger): AAAWWWW! d**n it!
Fry: Why do you want us to stop, Leela? We were just having a jam session!
Dr. Zoidberg: We were just trying to keep the band together.
Leela: Do it someplace else! Because the Professor just had a nervous breakdown.
Prof. Farnsworth: That's right I did! All because Mom refused to loan me 64 million dollars to rebuild Planet Express! All I want is some peace and quiet!
Fry: Hey, I got an idea!
Dr. Zoidberg: What is it? I'm all ears!
Bender: You don't even have ears!
Dr. Zoidberg (sighs).
Fry: What you need Professor, is a nice rest!
Bender: Yeah, like a camping trip! We were thinking of that planet Redwood 77.
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes, indeed! A camping trip! You get to hear the mooses and the geeses! And the fresh air! (inhales and coughs).
Fry: It'll make a new man out of you Professor! What do you say?
Prof. Farnsworth: Well, it's been a while since we had a vacation! I guess so. I'm all for it! Just as long as it's peace and QUIET!
Fry: You'll especially feel peaceful when you hear the call of the wolf!
Dr. Zoidberg (whistles)
Fry: That doesn't sound like a wolf!
Dr. Zoidberg (howls!)
Leela: OKay, everyone! Pack your bags and some food! We're going to Redwood 77!
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! A vacation! Plus, Zoidberg is included!
Fry, Leela, Bender, Zoidberg and Professor Farsworth packed their bags and went on the PE Ship.
The PE Ship arrived on Redwood 77. The planet was all forrest and huts, and full of redwood trees. They rented a hut and as soon as they got settled Leela was setting the table and Bender and Zoidberg were getting the bags.
Fry: Hey, Leela. This place is fine for dating.
Leela: How would you know that? Have you been here before?
Fry: No, I just saw a sign outside that says, "Fine For Dating"!
Leela: Oh, fine for...... Hey! If this is another one of your ploys to get me to go out with you.....
Fry: It's true! I'll show you myself.
Leela: Okay, show me. You're on. Professor, there's food on the table in case you need some. Also, some honey too!
Prof. Farnsworth (Walking into the hut): That's good, Leela. Hey, where are you going?
Leela: Fry and I are going for a walk.
Prof. Farnsworth: Okay, be back soon.
Bender and Zoidberg walk in with the bags. Bender drops them all.
Bender: Okay, who's up for some hunting!
Prof. Farnsworth: (panicky) Not until you pick up this mess!
Bender and Zoidberg pick up the dropped bags and put them in the other room. In the window near the table a green blob eats all the food on the table. Then disappears.
Prof. Farnsworth (walks to the table): Okay, let's have some......... (screams!)
Dr. Zoidberg: What happened, Professor?
Prof. Farnsworth: You're what happened! You ate all this food, didn't you?
Dr. Zoidberg: No, I didn't I swear!!!!
Prof. Farnsworth: I'll blame whoever I want! I know you ate this food!
Dr. Zoidberg: How could I! I was just putting the bags....
Bender: He did, Professor! I saw him!
Prof. Farnsworth: Okay! Since you ate all my food expect for the honey, you're both going to make my breakfast! Boil me some noodles and fry me some eggs!
Bender and Zoidberg go into the kitchen. Bender takes out some eggs from the refrigarator and Zoidberg gets out some spaghetti from the cabinet.
Dr. Zoidberg: You're going to eat noodles for breakfast??!!
Prof. Farnsworth: Then make it spaghetti!
Dr. Zoidberg: Has the professor been living in the lap of luxury all this time, Bender? Spaghetti for breakfast?!
Bender: Shut up, and start cookin'! Yo, baldy! How do you want your eggs?
Prof. Farnsworth: Sunny side over! And don't turn them down!
Bender: Sunny side over, and turn them down? That guy's nuts!
Bender and Zoidberg were cooking the spaghetti and eggs and the Professor was sitting on the table waiting for his breakfast mumbling to himself, unbeknownst to him the green blob was back and ate all the honey. Bender was done cooking the eggs and Zoidberg was done with the spaghetti and was about to serve it.
Dr. Zoidberg (putting the spaghetti in the bowl): Spaghetti's ready......(screams when he sees the green blob) AAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!
The spaghetti flies and drops all over the Professor.
Bender: Hey, butterfingers! Look what you did!
Dr. Zoidberg: Professor! There's.....there's......there's......
The Professor throws the spaghetti at Bender and Zoidberg.
Bender (sardonically): Oooooh, that hurt!
Dr. Zoidberg: There's a b-b-b-b-blob in the w-w-w-w-window!
Prof. Farnsworth: You're crazy! There is no blob in any window! (Goes to the window and the blob hits him). AAAHHHH!!! You're right! There is a blob out there! Take these laser guns and shot it!
Bender and Zoidberg get some laser guns mounted on the wall.
Bender: All right! Now we're getting to the good part!
Dr. Zoidberg: Now you know it wasn't me who ate all the food!
Bender: Yes it was! Now make yourself useful and help me find this blob!
Bender and Zoidberg walk out of the cabin to look for the blob.
Bender and Zoidberg were only yards away from the cabin looking for the green blob.
Bender: Hmmmm. Don't see the blob around here, Zoidbutt! Since the professor had a nervous breakdown I say we blow this joint and put him away!
Dr. Zoidberg (sees the blob from a distance): I see him! I see him!
The green blob come up to Bender and Zoidberg and they both start shooting at it. The green blob morphed into a human, alien, robot, spaceship, laser gun, and then finally an antique car.
Prof. Farnsworth (walking out of the cabin): What's going on!
Bender: Hold still and get shot like a man!
Dr. Zoidberg: I'm getting dazed and confused! I'm freakin' out!
Then finally, the green blob maintained his antique car shape and drove away waving good-bye to them.
Bender (throwing down his laser gun): Awww, crap!
The laser gun shoots in the sky and down comes a dead duck.
Dr. Zoidberg (picking up the dead duck): DINNER!!!!
Prof. Farnsworth: (Screaming) Get back inside!
The Professor was shaking and shivering and Zoidberg sat him down on a chair.
Prof. Farnsworth: This is the worst camping trip ever! I can't come up with 64 million to rebuild Planet Express, Zoidberg ate all the food, then we're terrorizied by a green blob who morphed into an antique car! Fry and Leela abandoned us when we needed them the most! (sobbing) Oh, I want to go home!
Bender (gets some beer from his compartment): Here take a big swig of this!
The Professor drinks the beer and Zoidberg pumps some pills into him.
Bender: OKay, now sleep, Professor! (drinks the rest of the beer).
Dr. Zoidberg: Yes, sleep!
The Professor went to sleep and Bender and Zoidberg decided to fix the duck for dinner.
Meanwhile Fry and Leela were walking trying to look for that sign Fry said he saw. Then Fry sees the sign and runs up to it.
Fry: See, Leela! I told you! See? "Fine for Dating"!
Leela: Fry, that's supposed to mean if you bring a date you'll have to pay a fine. Dating is prohibited here!
Fry (puts his arms around Leela): Oh, Leela! I'd pay a fine for you, anyday!
Leela: That's very sweet, Fry, but....
Fry: No buts! Let's kiss.
Leela: Ummm, okay! After all, I did break up with Sean 3 months ago. Just this once won't hurt.
Fry and Leela were about to kiss then they're interrupted by laser gun fire.
Fry (screams): What was that? What was that?
Leela: Sounds like a shoot out! Come on, let's go back to the cabin to see if the others are okay!
Fry (picks up a wooden tree stump shaped like a hatrack): I'll need a weapon!
Fry and Leela run back to the cabin.
Back at the cabin, the Professor was automatically woken up the sound of laser gun fire.
Prof. Farnworth (Jumps out of the chair and walks to the fireplace): I'll brain them! I'll brain them! (picks up a fireplace poker and shouts out the door): Cut out that shooting or I'll brain you!!!!!
Lrrr is in the distance just a few yards away from the cabin, he's in a gunfight with Wild Bill Hickbot who looked like Calculon but only he was silver and he has a cowboy hat with a radar on top. And Wild Bill Hickbot talked like an exaggarated John Wayne.
Lrrr: I am Lrrr! Ruler of the planet Omicron Persei 8! And I'm after Wild Bill Hickbot! The bandit! (shoots laser gun).
Wild Bill Hickbot: And you're not gonna get me, either! (shoots laser gun).
Prof. Farnsworth (moans): They're driving me crazy!!! (sank back into the chair).
Bender and Zoidberg run in.
Bender: Oh, boy a shootout! I'm going to watch it!
Dr. Zoidberg: I won't. I'm more of a lover than a fighter!
Bender (looks out the window): Hey, look! That cowbot is coming toward us!
Prof. Farnsworth: NOOOO!!!! Keep him away!
Wild Bill Hickbot breaks into the cabin.
Prof. Farnsworth: YIPE!!! (hides under a table).
Wild Bill Hickbot: I'm taking over this cabin now, pilgrims! I'll need a hostage! (points to Zoidberg). You!
Dr. Zoidberg: (being grabbed): I'm too poor to be held hostage!
Wild Bill Hickbot: Shut up! (hits Zoidberg over the head with his gun).
Wild Bill Hickbot was holding Zoidberg against a window while shooting at Lrrr. Then Bender grabs his laser gun and approaches Wild Bill Hickbot.
Bender: I'll get that freak! I'll kick his ass!
Bender points his laser gun at Wild Bill Hickbot.
Bender: Stick 'em up or I'll blast ya!
Dr. Zoidberg: Yeah, stick 'em up or he'll blast you, he would!
Wild Bill Hickbot: Say, that's a might fine laser gun you got here!
Bender: Yeah, thank you, I got it in Tijuana after I graduated from Bending School!
Wild Bill Hickbot (taking Bender's laser gun): Mind if I take a look at it?
Bender: Sure! (gets knocked out and thrown into a wall.)
Dr. Zoidberg: What are you trying to do? Break his gun?!
Wild Bill Hickbot: You'll never get me now, pilgrim! (laughes evilly)
Lrrr (shouting from a distance): Don't count on it! Ndnd's been nagging me to capture you!
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, the humanity! (sobs).
The shootout goes on into the night.
Fry and Leela approached their cabin and see it's under siege.
Leela (looking inside): Oh, my gosh! They're in trouble! C'mon Fry! We have to save them!
Fry: I'm right behind you, Leela! I got my trusty tree stump, too!
Leela breaks into the cabin. Fry follows.
Leela: Okay, I hereby declare this shoot out officially over!
Fry: You ruined our vacation! And for this you shall pay!
Wild Bill Hickbot: (laughes evilly) This keeps getting better and better! (points his laser gun at Fry and Leela) Say your prayers, pilgrims!
Wild Bill Hickbot tries to shoot Fry and Leela only to have the laser gun malfunction on him! Then Zoidberg frees himself from his grip.
Wild Bill Hickbot: What the.... You freaks are gonna pay for this!!!!
Leela: No way, Jose-bot! We're not the ones who are going to pay! You are! Hee-yah! (karate kicks Wild Bill Hickbot).
Leela's karate kick caused Wild Bill Hickbot to go flying into a wall. Bender wakes up.
Bender: About time! What took you so long? You know I don't like to wait!
Fry (walking up to Wild Bill Hickbot): You ruined the wrong people's camping trip!
Then Fry plunder's Wild Bill Hickbot's face with the tree stump. Then Lrrr comes into the cabin.
Lrrr: Congratulations! You helped me capture Wild Bill Hickbot! (apprenhends Wild Bill Hickbot).
Fry: Wow! You're welcome!
Bender: Do we get a reward?
Lrrr: Yes, you do! 64 million dollars!
Dr. Zoidberg: Hooray! We're all rich, including me!
Prof. Farnsworth (coming out of the table): Thank you kind alien! Our troubles are over!
Lrrr gives the 64 million dollars to the Professor. Leaving everyone feeling dissapointed.
Fry: I was going to use that to get my own video arcade!
Leela: I was going to get my parents a better place with that money!
Bender: Video arcade? A better house for your parents? Hell, I would've gotten a keg with a lifetime supply of beer!
Dr. Zoidberg: Now I'll never be rich! (sobs)
Lrrr: Well, I must be going now. Ndnd will finally stop nagging me now! Just remember one thing, just because I gave you some money, doesn't mean I won't forget about taking over your planet one day! (laughs).
Lrrr takes off in his spaceship with Wild Bill Hickbot in tow.
Prof. Farnsworth: I'm finally cured!
Bender: (rolling his eyes) Cured from what again?
Prof. Farnsworth: My nervous breakdown! Let's go back home and rebuild Planet Express!
Everyone cheers. Then everyone packs their bags and leaves Redwood 77.
Scene 7 (Conclusion):
In the living room everyone was waiting to hear the news about the new Planet Express. Fry, Bender, Leela, and Zoidberg were all pacing.
Fry: How long could a thing like this take?
Bender: Everyone better pray that a robot doesn't go on an impatient killing spree!
The Professor comes through the door.
Prof. Farnsworth: Good news, everyone!
Leela: Tell us!
Prof. Farnsworth: I have rebuilt Planet Express! Make that, built a Planet Express in Los Angeles!
Dr. Zoidberg: Cool beans!
Fry: And collard greens! (laughs) Sorry, couldn't resist!
Leela: So, will we be working at the Planet Express in L.A., too!
Prof. Farnsworth: You bet! All of you will! From now on, we'll all be living and working bicoastal! The first six months of the year we'll be working here in New New York, and for the rest of the year, we'll all be working in L.A.!
Bender: All right! Now I could really live like a sleazy criminal!
Everyone was very happy about the news!
Fry: So, when will we start working in L.A.?
Bender: The sooner the better for me, Bender!
Prof. Farnsworth: It's two months until June, so in mid-June we start!
Everyone: Hooray! All right! Woo!
Leela: Wow! I can't believe this! Planet Express is now a bicoastal business!
Dr. Zoidberg: Oh, my gosh! I just remembered!
Bender: Don't try to ruin this for us!
Fry: What is it, doctor?
Dr. Zoidberg: Those pills I gave the professor when he had his nervous breakdown......
Bender: Yes, go on....what is it you imcompetant excuse for a crab!
Dr. Zoidberg (dejected): They were expired.
Dr. Zoidberg: But the important thing is that it worked! Professor's all better now!
The Professor starts hyperventaliting. Fry, Bender, and Leela leave the room.
Fry: So, you want to check out this Planet Express in Los Angeles?
Leela: Yeah, let's do it! I for some reason don't want to be around here.
Bender: Let Zoidberg handle this one! It's not our problem!
Fry, Leela, and Bender run into the P.E. Ship and take off.
Dr. Zoidberg: Look on the bright side professor! At least you're cured!
Prof. Farnsworth: MY NERVES! MY NERVES! MY NERVES! MY NERVES! MY NERVES! (Walking around the room).