(A parody of The Family Man
"Now that the years gone by
Yeah, now that I'm on my own
Saw you just the other day
Oh my, baby how you have grown
Cast my memory back there
Makin' love on the PE ship
Sharin' kisses with you
My one-eyed girl..."
-"One Eyed Girl", a parody of "Brown Eyed Girl" by Everclear
Scene: Leela and Fry's apartment in 3002, late morning on a Saturday
(Fry gives Leela a quick peck on the cheek before he walks out the door.)
Leela: Okay, where are you going?
Fry: Just to the town center.
Leela: How long will you be gone?
Fry: I dunno. Geez, you're not my mom!
Leela: Sorry. I just want to make sure you'll be okay.
Fry: Don't you trust me? I'll be fine.
Scene: NNYC Town Center, Cerulean Jewelers.
(Fry is standing at the counter, talking to a sales clerk.)
Fry: See, I'm gonna propose to my girlfriend, and I want a ring that will really
make her feel special.
Clerk: We specialize in sapphires, so I'm sure you'll find the perfect ring
Fry: That's a load off my mind. I was afraid I'd have to go to every store
in the city.
(The clerk shows him a number of rings over a period of fifteen minutes. Seeing
as Fry has a short attention span, this is like an eternity to him. Finally,
the clerk brings a small black box out.)
Clerk: This ring is set with a very rare stone and proves to be a buyer favorite.
(He opens the box to reveal an aquamarine sapphire shaped like a heart and
surrounded by twelve small diamonds.)
Fry: It's perfect! Leela'll love it! How much do you want for it?
Clerk: (slyly) Well, seeing as it's quite a rareity, we usually charge five
thousand, but since you're such a good customer, I'll give it to you for ten.
Fry: (not realizing that he's getting ripped off) Now, that's a deal I'll drink
to! Do you take Discover?
(The clerk nods. As Fry hands him his card, he leans back...and knocks another
Fry: Oh my god! (holding out his hand to help her up) Jeez, I'm sorry.
Girl: No, it was my fault. I should have watched where I was going. (giving
him her hand) I'm Rosalie Stapp.
Fry: (shaking her hand) Philip Fry. I still feel bad about knocking you over.
If there's anyway I can make it up to you...
Rosalie: What about lunch?
Rosalie's Mind: Hmm...not the best looking guy, but he'll do.
Fry: Uh, okay. I'll meet you at the cafe across from Planet Express. You know
where that is?
Rosalie: Of course. (seductively) It's a very romantic place, don't you think?
Fry: (nervous) Umm, I guess.
Fry's mind: Wasn't there something special about that place? Oh well, must
not have been important.
Clerk: (handing him a small bag) Here you are, sir. (hands back card) And,
of course, your card.
Fry: Thanks. (turning attention back to Rosalie) So, I guess I'll see you at,
shall we say, noon?
Rosalie: (fake) My favorite time!
Fry: (awkward) Okay, then...Uh, it's not a date, is it?
Rosalie's mind: Crap!
Rosalie: No, of course not. Why would you think that?
Scene: NNY Southside Athletic Club, enterance.
(Amy and Leela are talking as they walk out.)
Amy: You really trust him to just go off like that? You're supposed to keep
guys on a short leash. That way, you know they won't cheat on you.
Leela: No, I trust Fry. He was so committed in the beginning and he has been
the whole way through. Just because every guy you've dated has cheated on you,
doesn't mean it'll happen to me.
Amy: Hey, whoa, whoa. Not every guy has cheated on me. What about Kif?
Leela: How could he cheat on you? He's away 99.9 % of the time anyway. You're
probably the only woman he's dated.
Amy: Yeah, you're probably right. (looking at a restaurant OS) Hey! I'm starved.
Let's grab something to eat there. (She points to a small cafe.)
Leela: Sure. I could go for something.
Leela's mind: I remember coming here. This is where Fry told me he loved me
when he had the parasites.
Amy: Hey! Isn't that Fry? (She points to two people sitting at a table.)
Leela: Yeah. But who's that he's with?
Amy: Let's get a table near theirs so you can hear what they're saying.
Leela: No, I refuse to resort to prying into other people's conversations.
Amy: Yeah, but then who's gonna catch him in the act of cheating on you?
Leela: He's not going to cheat on me! I know him better than that...(reluctant)
but I guess it couldn't hurt.
(Amy and Leela choose the table next to Rosalie's and Fry's. Leela is sitting
back-to-back with Fry. Unfortunately, they miss Fry asking how he should propose
to Leela and only hear the bad.)
Rosalie: What's up with this 'Leela' chick? She sounds arrogant and posessive.
Why don't you dump her?
(Rosalie leans over toward Fry.)
Fry:(fighting not to look at her) Uhh...
Rosalie:(seductively) You don't need her. I'm the only one you really want.
Come on, give it up.
Fry's mind: Do something, you idiot!
Fry: (freaked out) I, um, that is...
(Rosalie takes his hands in hers and leaning further over, kisses him.)
Fry's mind: Oh, god! What do I do?!
(Leela, who has intently listened to their conversation, bursts into tears
and stands up.)
Leela: (obviously upset) Fry!?
Fry: (breaking the kiss) Leela!?
(Seeing her hurt expression, Fry gets up.)
Fry: Leela, it's not what it looks like!
Leela: (sobbing) Don't you try to sweet-talk me! *SOB* We're over!
(She quickly hails a taxi and climbs in.)
Fry: Leela! Wait!
Rosalie: (standing up) (smugly) See ya.
(Rosalie walks down the street, leaving a bewildered Fry and shocked Amy.)
Amy: God, Fry! How could you do something like that to her?
Fry: I didn't mean to. I mean, I was asking her about how to propose to Leela
for a minute. And then, she was kissing me the next. (holding head in hands)
Oh god, what've I done?
Scene fades to: Planet Express, January 2, 3006.
(Fry is sitting at the conference table with his arms covering his face, asleep.)
Amy: (OS) Fry? Wake up already!
(She elbows him in the side.)
Fry: (now awake) Wha? Did I miss something?
Amy: G'uh! Like, the whole delivery?
Fry: Oh, sorry.
Amy:That dream again?
Fry: Yeah. I just wish I had seen Rosalie for what she really was.
Amy: (comforting) Look, it's okay. But you need to move on. Leela's not the
only person in the universe, you know.
Fry:(downcast) I guess you're right. No matter how much I think about her,
I know she isn't coming back. Everytime I lost her, it was because of my stupid
Amy: It wasn't your fault with Rosalie. You just need to forget. Why don't
you take a walk to calm your mind?
Fry: Okay. I need it.
Scene: NNY Central Park
(Fry is walking with his head down, thinking.)
Fry's mind: How could you have been so stupid? You've had three chances with
her, and you blew all of them! It's amazing you even had a relationship going
Fry: He..I'm right. Leela deserved better than me. I could have proved myself
to her but Rosalie came and dashed my plans. I just wish I could see her again.
Even if it were only for one day...
(He looks up from the ground and sees a familiar figure walking a short distance
in front of him...)
Fry: Oh my god! Leela!
(He is about to run up to her, but he notices that she's walking with someone
else...a guy. The man says something and Leela smiles at him.)
Fry: (more depressed than ever) I didn't want to believe it, but I guess we
really are over. *SIGH* You'll get a lot more from him than you ever would have
had with me...
Scene: Planet Express Lounge
(Fry walks in looking sadder than before. Amy gets up from the couch to comfort
Amy:(concerned) What's wrong?
Fry:(glumly) I saw Leela with another guy.
Amy: Ohh, I'm sorry. If I hadn't suggested you go...
Fry: No, I was bound to find out someday.
(He sighs and walks out of the room.)
Amy: Poor guy.
(Fry walks down the hall and notices that X-mas decorations are still up.)
Fry: God, what does the professor pay them for? You'd think they'd be able
to take down some stupid X-mas decorations.
(He starts pulling stuff off the walls when he sees a sprig of mistle toe hanging
above the door and immediately thinks of past X-mas happenings...)
Scene: Blurred NNYC city on X-mas Eve 3000.
(Fry and Leela hold each other, thinking they are going to die.)
Leela: Goodbye Fry.
(They embrace. Fry looks up.)
Fry: Look! We're under the mistle toe...
(They share that really cute look and both are leaning in.)
Scene fades back to 3006.
Fry: Can't I go one day without something reminding me of her? What do you
want from me, world?
(He picks up the X-mas stuff and walks into the Professor's lab. He tries to
stuff it in a cupboard, but something falls down and hits him on the head.)
Fry: Ow! What the..?
(He picks up something resembling a T.V., except it's gold.)
Fry: My god! It's the What If machine! (places it on the counter) Wonder if
it still works. Might as well test it out. (clears throat) What if I never fell
in that freezer-doodle and came to the future-jiggy?
(The "purple fog" on the screen clears and an all-too familiar What
Scene: Seven minutes later
Gore: I'm a tenth level vice president.
(Screen fogs up again.)
Fry: Wow. I never thought it would work after all these years. (getting an
idea) Hey! I can use this to find out what would happen if Leela hadn't broken
up with me four years ago! (into the microphone) What if I never met Rosalie?
Fry: Hello?! What would happen if I had never met Rosalie and screwed up my
chance at romance?
Fry: Stupid machine. What a piece of junk.
(He tosses it in the trash. As he walks away, a strange light begins to emit
Fry: What the heck?
(He walks over. Suddenly, the light sucks him into the machine.)
Scene: Closeup of Fry with his head on a pillow.
Fry: Ow. My head is killing me...
SFX:Springing and bouncing noises.
Girl:(OS) Daddy! Get up!
(Fry sits up in the bed and looks around at his surroundings: a cream colored
room with some three or so kid jumping on the bed.)
Fry: What the...?
(He hears a familiar voice.)
Woman: (OS) G'morning, sweetie. Stephie, get off the bed, pumpkin. Daddy's
Stephanie: But Mommy! It's X-mas, and I wanna open pwesents.
Woman: (Still OS, although her voice is easily recognized) We'll be there in
a sec. Let me get your father up. You can go downstairs, okay?
(She jumps down and shuts the door as she walks out of the room. Fry has been
covering his face with his hands all the while.)
Fry: God, they just keep talking to me. I can't go five minutes without hearing
her voice. My body must be reacting to all the Slurm over the years.
Woman: Hon, is something wrong?
(She places a hand on his shoulder. He looks over at her and we finally see
who she is. As if you didn't know already...)
Fry: Gah! (disbelieving) Leela?
Leela: Why are you freaking out all of a sudden?
Fry: But this doesn't make any sense. We broke up four years ago. And just
today I saw you with some other guy!
Leela: You must have had a dream. We've been married almost four years now.
Fry: We have?
Leela: Yeah. It's not big news. What's the matter with you? You acted like
you didn't know your own daughter.
Fry: My what?
Leela: Stephanie. She's three.
Fry: (winging it) Oh yeah. Haha...Stephanie. (quietly) This must have something
to do with the What If machine.
Leela: Did you say something?
Fry: No. Not at all.(fakes laugh again.)
Leela: Okay, I'm gonna go downstairs. You coming?
Fry: I'll be along in a minute.
(She kisses him quickly before leaving the room.)
Fry: Gotta find a way back...
Fry's mind: You idiot! This is what you wanted, remember? Or do you have the
memory of a goldfish?
Fry: But I'm not husband or father material!
Fry's mind: Well, you should of thought of that before you wished.
Fry: I guess I could try it.
Leela: (yelling from downstairs) Can you get Ben up?
Fry:(yelling) Uh, sure thing.
(He walks out into the hall. There are two doors. One has a sign with Stephanie's
name on it.)
Fry: Hmm...where would Ben be?
Fry's mind: Probably inside Door Number Two, Einstein.
(Fry opens the door.)
Fry: Well, at least I won't be changing diapers.
(He sees that Ben is in a crib.)
(He walks to where Ben is sleeping and tries to wake him up.)
Fry: Hey, Ben...
(Ben starts wailing and crying uncontrollably.)
Fry: He's no different from me when I was that little. And if my dad taught
me anything, it's how to get out of doing something you really didn't wanna
do. (Pauses) Leela!!!!!
Scene: Several hours later.
(Fry's walking randomly through out rooms looking at everything.)
Leela: I never knew my decorating skills were that facinating.
Fry: I'm just trying to...soak everything in.
Leela: (amused) Really?
Fry: Yeah...So, where's Stephanie?
Leela: She's in her room, playing with that Malibu Stacey doll or whatever.
Fry: And Ben?
Leela: Napping already. He went right to sleep when you gave him that Pikachu
Fry: (lowers voice and eyelids) So then, it's just the two of us?
Leela: Hey, don't get that idea right now. You'll have to wait for that.
Fry: Remind me again: Who all is coming for this big party you have planned?
Leela: Bender, Amy, Kif, Hermes, LaBarbara, and Zoidberg.
Fry: What about the professor?
Leela: Fry, your nephew died two years ago. He left you the company.
Fry: Right. I knew that. I was just, umm, testing you.
Leela: (rolls her eye) Sure.
Fry's mind: It's not as bad as yo-I thought it would be. This is just about
everything I could ask for. Just need state-of-the-art technology to show off
Leela: You know, I never gave you my two last X-mas presents. (grabbing his
hand) Come over here.
(Fry follows her into the living room. He gapes at the extremely large speakers,
DVD player, and big screen TV.)
Leela: So, what do you think of the picture?
Fry: What picture?
(He looks up at a framed picture above the TV.)
Fry: Oh yeah. It's great.
(He stares at the photograph. It looks like the scene in Time Keeps On Slippin',
but both he and Leela look happy about their marriage.)
Fry's mind: Well, do you need any more proof to convince you that this is a
Fry: You said there was something else, didn't you?
Leela: Don't you like the picture?
Fry: Of course, but I was just wondering.
Leela: You'll get it tonight...(mischieviously) after the party.
Scene: That night.
(Instead of being the hostess downstairs, Leela's fussing over what to wear
in her room. Amy's sitting on the bed as she stresses.)
Leela: Do you think this is okay?
(She holds up the green Titanic dress.)
Leela: Well, what about this one?
(This time it's the yellow strapless from Lobstertainment.)
Amy: Yellow doesn't suit you.
Leela: Well, then what am I supposed to wear?
Amy: Haven't you bought anything new in the past four years? (looking through
Leela's closet.) Try this one!
(It's a silver-gray sleeveless with rhinestones in star shapes at the top and
Leela: I can't wear that one!
Amy: Then, why'd you buy it? Huh?
Leela: I bought it way back in 3002. There's no way I could still fit into
it. Besides, what example would I be setting for Stephanie?
Amy: Aw, take a chance. I wear stuff like this all the time around Julie. You'll
definately get Fry's attention. I can guarantee you that.
Leela: Well, okay.
(Bender and Fry are talking.)
Bender: Okay, if you have two eyes...
Bender: And Leela has one eye...
Fry: Uh huh.
Bender: How come Stephanie and Ben both have two eyes? Why not one and a half?
Fry: Huh. Never thought of that befor-(he cuts off, staring at something.)
(Leela is walking down the stairs in the dress with Amy smiling as she follows.)
Fry: Wow...you look great.
(He loops his arm around hers.)
Fry: Have you ever worn that one before?
Leela: No. (nervous) Does it look okay?
Fry's mind: Tell her what you think! Tell her it makes her look stunning, beautiful,
Fry; Uh...(fighting to keep his eyes where they should be) it looks nice.
Fry's mind: How many times have I told you you're an idiot? Do I really need
to tell you again?
Leela: Did you say something?
Fry: Nope. You got nothing on me.
Leela: It just seems like you're talking to yourself a lot.
Fry: Oh, sorry. I'm just, uh, thinking about Stephanie and Ben.
Leela: Yeah. It's hard to believe that Stephie's already in pre-school. Speaking
of Stephanie, I'll go make sure she's getting along with Julie.
(She kisses him on the cheek.)
Leela: By the way, I think Hermes wanted to tell you something.
(She smiles at him before walking off. Fry seeks out Hermes, who's snacking
on the jerk chicken.)
Fry: Hey! What up? Leela said there was something you need to tell me.
Hermes: Ah, yes. I have to admit yah made a heapin' good decision when yah
bought out Fedex. Our profits' been goin' way up. This year alone we made ova
three million dallahs.
Fry's mind: Hmm...you own your own business, make millions of dollars, have
a nice house, killer sound system, two great kids, not to mention an adoring
and sexy wife...I think you've got it made. Philip J. Fry, family man. I like
Fry: Yeah, can't imagine why I'd wanna go back.
Scene: After the party.
(Fry is sitting on the bed. Leela comes in quietly and shuts the door.)
Fry: How're Stephanie and Ben?
Leela: Stephanie's finally in bed. Same with Ben. He may just be able to sleep
through the night.
Fry: Guess that just leaves you and me...
(She places her hands on his shoulders as he wraps his arms around her waist.
They share one of those long, sweet, kisses. Finally, they break. She pulls
him closer. Before anything can happen, Fry speaks.)
Fry: Look, today's been really hectic, so if I didn't tell you this before,
I love you.
Leela: I love you, too.
(He leans closer and closer to her...suddenly, there's a flash of light and
the scene fades.)
Scene: The professor's lab.
(Fry is on the floor rubbing his head.)
Fry: Oww. Did I fall off the bed or something?
(He looks around.)
Fry: Oh god, no! Leela? Stephie? Ben? Anyone?? *SIGH* It's no use. They're
gone for good. My life's meaningless.
Fry's mind: Well, you've proved once again how stupid you are.
Fry: Wait, you're me! You're supposed to take my side!
Fry's mind: Says who?
Fry: He-I'm right. *SIGHS AGAIN* I may have been able to tell her the way I
feel, but it wasn't "my" Leela. Maybe taking a walk will ease the
Scene: NNYC streets in early evening.
(Fry is walking slowly, making note of the expressions on people's faces.)
Fry: Man, half these people have suicidal looks, and that's not three fourths
as bad as I feel...God, I need to stop torturing myself. I made a mistake and
Leela's never coming back. I might as well get used to it.
(He manages to look up at exactly the right time and sees a certain one-eyed
woman walking not far in front of him.)
Fry: Okay. This time I have to see her. If I don't tell her my true feelings,
I'll never forgive myself.
(He runs up to her.)
Fry: Leela! Hey, Leela!
(She stops walking and turns around.)
Leela: Fry? Is it really you?
Fry: Oh my god, Leela, I can't believe I found you.
Leela: But we've been broken up for four years. You're just now looking for
Fry: Yes. I mean, no. I mean, where are you going?
Leela: Uh, probably home? Besides, I don't want to talk to you.
(She begins walking fast. Fry has to run to catch up to her.)
Fry: Listen, Leela. I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't even know her.
Leela: It figures. I shouldn't have trusted you, seeing as you've bedded every
woman you've met!
Fry: That's not true! What about...uh, Hermes' wife?
Leela: Ugh. Whatever. Look, I'm not in the mood to deal with you.
Fry: I know I hurt you, but I didn't mean to.
(By now, they've reached an apartment building. Leela goes in through the main
doors. Fry follows.)
Leela: Well, you did.
Fry: And I'm sorry. See, if you'd let me explain-
Leela: Fine. I'm listening.
Fry: Good. See, that day that I "cheated" on you, I met Rosalie.
I thought she just wanted to be friends. So I asked her for advice. And the
next thing I knew, she was kissing me.
(Leela and Fry stand in front of an apartment door. She turns the key in the
Leela: Well, I guess I misjudged you. I'm sorry.
Fry: Apology accepted. Uh, can I come in?
Leela: (rushed) Why would you want to? There's nothing in there.
Fry: I just want to talk to you. I mean, we haven't seen each other for four
Leela: I guess that would be okay.
(They walk into her apartment.)
Leela: Uh, before you freak out, there's something you should know.
Leela: Well, you know we were in a pretty serious relationship...
Fry: Yeah. So?
Leela: Okay, don't take this the wrong way. *TAKES A DEEP BREATH* But, when
I left, I didn't know it at the time, but I was - I'm gonna hate myself for this
in the morning - pregnant with your son.
Fry: (shocked) What?!
Fry's mind: Well, you can't escape the consequences of a night of passion...
Fry: But why didn't you ever tell me?
Leela: I was afraid of what your reaction would be. I'm sorry!
(They walk into the kitchen. A teenage girl with dark hair approaches them.)
Girl: Philip's in the living room.
Leela: Thanks Jennifer. Uh, Fry this is Jennifer. Jennifer, this is *GROAN*
Fry: Uh, hi.
(Jennifer just glares at him. Leela pays her.)
Jennifer: I'll let myself out.
(She leaves the room. Fry and Leela head toward the living room.)
Fry: I don't think she liked me.
Leela: She's probably thinking that you abandoned Philip. She and him are very
Fry: So you named him after me?
Leela: (blushing) Well, he looks a lot like you...
(As they enter the room, we see that Leela's quite right. Philip looks very
Fry-ish, save for the violet highlights in his orange hair and Leela's nose.)
Leela: (brightly) Hi, sweetie!
(Philip runs into her open arms.)
Philip: Hi Mommy!
(Fry looks on as Leela hugs "their" son.)
Fry's mind: My god. Who woulda thought I'd find my lost love and see that I
have a son?
(Philip breaks off from the hug and looks at Fry.)
Philip: I know you. You'we my daddy, awen't you?
(Philip walks up to him.)
Philip: How come you left me and mommy fow so long?
(Leela and Fry exchange nervous glances, neither of them knowing what to say.)
Fry: Look, that's not important and I can't really explain why, but I do know
that if your mom says it's okay, I'll be spending a lot more time with you.
Philip: (smiling) That's okay. Mommy says you should always fowgive people
who awe mean to you. I still love you, anyway.
(He hugs Fry. Leela and Fry give each other cute looks.)
Philip: Do you wanna stay fow dinnew?
Fry: Uh, sure.
Philip: Good. Mommy, what awe we having?
Leela: Anything you want.
Philip: I want baskhetti!
Leela: Okay, spaghetti it is.
(Fry lifts Philip onto his shoulders and carries him into the kitchen after
Scene: Kitchen and dinning room conjoined
(Leela is at the stove, stirring something in a pot. Fry and Philip are sitting
at the table. Philip gets up.)
Philip: I'm gonna go pway with Nibblew. Okay, Mommy?
Leela: Okay, but dinner's in five minutes.
(Philip runs off. Fry gets up and walks to where Leela's standing.)
Fry: I know it probably doesn't mean anything to you, but for what it's worth,
I think you did a great job raising him.
Leela: Well, I'm far from done right now. (holding up the ladle) How's it taste?
(Fry slurps it up.)
Fry: Mmmm...I never knew you cooked.
Leela: (laughing) Yes, I do.
Fry: (also laughing) That's one thing I didn't know about you...
(Without thinking, he wraps his arms around her waist. She gives him a questioning
look. He quickly removes them.)
Fry: (mumbling) Sorry.
Philip:(OS) You need to kiss and make up.
(Fry and Leela turn around to see Philip.)
Leela: Philip, go sit at the table plese.
(He skips over to the table and takes a seat. Fry follows and sits next to
him. Leela spoons up the food and moves to her seat at the table across from
Fry. They eat in silence for a few minutes but Philip speaks up.)
Philip: (To Fry) Awe you just gonna leave again?
Fry: No. I never left to begin with.
Philip: But Mommy said...
Leela: (hurried) Look, it's not important. Who cares what I said?
Fry: Is there something I need to know?
Leela: No. Philip, eat your food.
Fry: Listen to Lee-er, your mom.
Scene: The living room later that night.
(There are many photo albums spread out in front of Leela and Fry. Philip is
asleep on the couch. Leela picks him up.)
Fry: Wow. He was tired.
Leela: Yeah. (she kisses Philip's forehead) He's had a big day.
(Philip wakes up in Leela's arms.)
Leela: Hi, sweetie. Bedtime.
Philip: I want Daddy to get me weady for bed.
Leela: He probably-
Fry: No, it's okay, Leela. (taking Philip's hand) Come on. You can show me
(Leela smiles as she watches Fry and Philip leave the room.)
Leela's mind: Don't get ahead of yourself, Toronga. You know he hurt you.
Leela: Yeah, I know but...
Scene: Philip's room
(Philip's under the covers. Fry is sitting at the edge of the bed, reading
Fry: "And then the ugly ducklingoid looked at his reflection and saw that-"
Philip: (interupting) Do you love my mommy?
(Fry tries to ignore his question.)
Fry: "And saw that he was a beautiful swanoid. The end." Boy, that
was a good story. Okay, time for bed.
Philip: You love my mommy, don't you?
Fry's mind: Okay, don't lie. Kids can tell whem you're telling the truth or
not. Or is that lie detectors? Oh well, better not take a chance.
Fry: (quietly) Yeah.
Philip: Then how come you'we not mawwied?
Fry: *SIGH* Because Daddy did something that hurt Mommy.
Fry: He kissed another girl.
Philip: But if you love Mommy why did you kiss dat lady?
Fry: I don't know. But I promised myself I would never, ever, hurt her again.
Philip: *YAWNS* That's good. 'Cos I want you and Mommy to be happy again. Goodnight,
Daddy. I love you.
(He closes his eyes.)
Fry: (smiling) G'night, Philip. I love you too.
(He kisses Philip's head before turning out the light and closing the door.)
Scene: The living room.
(Leela is thumbing through an album on the sofa when Fry walks in.)
Leela: Is Philip okay? Does he need something?
Fry: Philip's fine. I think you're a bit over-protective of him.
Leela: I just want to make sure he's alright. It's very hard growing up without
Fry: Well, he wouldn't be if you had told me.
(Both are quiet for a minute. Finally, Fry speaks.)
Fry: I'm sorry.
Leela: No, it's my fault. I should have at least told you.
Fry: Well, whether it was your fault or not, I still feel like I'm obligated
to do something.
Leela: Don't be.
Fry: But I want to. Just let me do something with him tomorrow, okay?
Leela: You can in the afternoon. He has pre-school until noon.
Fry: Uh, well, why don't I take him to school in the morning and I'll bring
him back in the afternoon?
Leela: I guess it couldn't hurt...
Fry: Um, what are you doing day after tomorrow?
Leela: Nothing. Why?
Fry: Oh, uh, no reason.
Leela: Are you trying to ask me out?
Leela: Well, it could be interesting. I mean, I haven't seen you in four years.
But I'll need to get a baby-sitter. I'll ask Jennifer if she's busy.
Fry: Oh, let me. Pick the baby-sitter, I mean.
Leela: Why? Did you have someone in mind?
Fry: Kind of.
Leela: Okay then. I'll leave the details up to you.
Leela's mind: Great idea! Why don't you just make him U.S. ambassodor?
Leela: Is it formal or informal?
Fry: Geez, I dunno. What the heck? Formal.
Leela: I'll look forward to it.
Fry: Uh, do you have a boyfriend?
Leela: No. Where would you get an idea like that?
Fry: Well, seeing you walk arm-in-arm with another guy gives a person ideas.
Leela: You mean in the park? He works at the same crygenics place I do. I was
trying to be nice. But there's no chance I'd ever think of a real relationship
with him. Especially since Philip doesn't take kindly to him.
Fry's mind: Yes! You are mine!
Scene: Leela's apartment the next day
(Fry comes in dragging a beat-up looking Philip behind him.)
Fry: Uh, Leela?
(Leela comes into the hall.)
Leela: I didn't think you'd be back so- (sees Philip) Oh my god!
(She runs over to him.)
Leela: (sympathetically to Philip) You poor thing! Are you okay? (sternly) Fry!
Philip: It's okay, Mommy. Some kid hit me, but it doesn't huwt anymowe.
Fry: He kind of got into a fight at school.
Leela: (upset) Kind of!? Why would you do something like that?
Philip: But Mommy! He was saying mean things about Daddy. And you always say
that people who awe mean should get what's coming to them!
Leela: I need to learn to keep my mouth shut.
Fry: We just came by to get him cleaned up.
Philip: Daddy's taking me to see a movie. (to Fry) Which one awe we seeing?
Fry: You pick.
Leela: Sweetie, just go into the bathroom. Fry? Can you get the bandaids from
the medicine cabinet?
(Philip heads off to the bathroom. Leela follows him.)
Leela: Philip, did you say that a kid was making fun of your dad?
Philip: Uh huh. He said my daddy didn't cawe, othewwise he would stay with
me and you.
Leela: Do you think he cares?
Philip: He does. He told me so.
Leela: Oh really?
Philip: Daddy loves you.
Leela: Where did you get an idea like that?
Philip: I asked him and he said yes.
Leela: He was probably just trying to be nice.
Leela's mind: That's not what you want it to mean.
Philip: No. I know fow suwe dat he loves you.
(Fry comes in with a small box.)
Fry: This is what you wanted, right?
Leela: Yeah, thanks.
(She bandages Philip up quickly.)
Leela: There. You look fine now.
Philip: Can I go see a movie with Daddy now?
Leela: Why not? (To Fry) Have him back by five-thirty, okay? If I'm not here,
just wait for me.
(Fry gives a mock salute.)
Fry: Can do.
(Leela rolls her eye.)
Scene: Outside Leela's apartment building late in the afternoon.
(Fry and Philip are walking back from the theater. Philip has a balloon in
one hand and an ice cream cone in the other.)
Fry: What did you think of the movie?
Philip: It was good. I like Pokemon.
Fry's mind: Wish I could say the same.
Fry: Philip, seriously, how do you see me?
Philip: What do you mean?
Fry: Well, do you like me? Do you think I'm mean?
Philip: I like you a lot. Mommy does too, but she doesn't wanna say so. She
thinks you'we gonna huwt hew again. Do you still love hew?
Fry: Yeah, I do. I just wish she felt the same way.
Philip: (casually licking his ice cream) She does. She loves you a lot.
Fry: Really? You think?
Philip: I can tell by looking at people's faces what they think. And Mommy
(Fry gets really excited when he hears this.)
Fry: Philip, what would you think if I was around all the time?
Philip: Daddy, you ask too many questions. I want you to stay. Mommy needs
Fry: Naw, she's strong. She can handle things by herself.
Philip: I know hew bettew than anybody. She needs you a lot.
Fry: Maybe so.
Scene: Planet Express the next morning
(As Amy walks in, Fry runs up to her and grabs her hands.)
Amy: Uh, hey, Fry.
Fry: (fake) You know, Amy, no body ever takes the time to say what a great
friend you ar-
Amy: Well, that's right, but whadda you want?
Fry: I need you to babysit Philip tonight.
Amy: Who's Philip?
Fry: Er, well, he's the result of my, our, uh...
Amy: You mean you and Leela's-
Amy: Well, I don't have anything planned for tonight, so I suppose.
Fry: Great! I thought for sure I'd have to cancel with Leela.
Amy: Don't tell me you think there's still something there. Fry, you know she
dumped you. I don't think you should make these efforts in vain.
Fry: But there is something there! Philip told me so!
Amy: You're asking your son for gossip on her? Not a good move.
Fry: But he said she loved me! That she needed me...
Amy: Look, it's not my business if you waste your life trying to make her love
you, but I'm just saying it ain't gonna happen.
Fry: Fine. But I'm still picking you up at seven to babysit.
(He walks off, even more determined to win Leela's heart. Cubert comes up to
Cubert: Poor dope. Even I know that the odds he'll end up with Leela are a
billion to one.
Amy: (smiling) Then it'll happen for sure.
Cubert: Are you insane? I've carefully been examining the statistics and there's
as much chance of him ending up with her as there are that she's the result
of some government project.
Amy: Well, then we'll just have to wait and see. But for Philip's sake, I hope
Scene: Outside Leela's apartment door
(Fry's wearing a tux for once. Amy's in her normal attire. Fry knocks on the
Philip: (OS) Just one sec!
Amy: So, why'd she name him after you?
(Philip opens the door and Amy stares at him.)
Fry: Does that answer your question?
Philip: Hi Daddy!
Fry: Hey, Phil. (He picks him up) Is your mom ready?
Philip: (shaking his head) No. She can't figuwe out what to weaw. (pointing
to Amy) Who's she?
Fry: (setting Philip down) That's Amy. She's babysitting you.
Amy: Hi Philip. I'm an old friend of your mom and dad.
Philip: Hi Amy. You'we vewy pwetty.
Amy: Aw, thanks. Do you wanna show me your room?
(He takes her hand and runs down the hall.)
Fry's mind: He's a good kid.
(Leela comes into the room wearing the long blue dress from Cyber House Rules.)
Fry: Hi. You look really nice in that dress.
Leela: Thanks. Where's Philip?
Fry: He's showing Amy his room.
Fry: Yeah. She was so ecstatic when I asked her to babysit him.
Leela:(sarcastically) I can imagine.
(Amy and Philip come into the room.)
Amy: Wow, Leela. Long time, no see.
Leela: Yeah. Same here.
(Fry notices the tension between them and takes Leela by the hand.)
Fry: You know, we really should be going...Bye Philip. See you, Amy. We'll
be back by ten.
Leela: The emergency numbers are by the phone.
Philip: Bye Mommy! Bye Daddy!
Leela: Bye, sweetie!
(Fry and Leela walk out the door, but not before Fry hears Philip's comment.)
Philip: (OS) My daddy loves my mommy, you know...
Scene: That night at Quicksilver (Yeah, I'm a Roxy chick. So sue me!)
(Fry and Leela are sitting at a table. Leela's barely eating her salad, just
picking at it. Fry makes a desperate attempt at conversation.)
Fry: So, what happened after we broke up?
Leela: Well, I moved and got my old job back.
Fry: Fate assignment officer?
Fry: I know you were searching for your origin beforehand. Find out anything
Leela: *SIGHS* Unfortunately.
Fry: Why? What happened?
Leela: I was a genetic failure. The government was trying to create a superhuman
and I was the result, along with two others. But then, they saw that we were
just cursed with cyclops features, and chucked us. The others ended up in the
sewer, but they must have cared more for me. They stuck me on a pile of abandoned
Fry: That's terrible. What did you do?
Leela: When I found out, I felt so bad that I decided to live in the sewers.
But, then I found out about Philip...
Fry: Look, I'm really sorry about that.
Leela: Don't be. He's been the best thing to happen to me. He's so sweet.
Fry: Yeah. I just wish I had been there from the start.
Leela: We need to figure out a schedule. Like, he'll stay with you on weekends?
Fry: Um, okay.
(He notices that music is playing and a lot of couples are dancing.)
Fry's mind: I have to win her over...
Fry: Do you wanna dance?
Leela: Um, okay.
(He takes her hand and leads her onto the dance floor. Nervously, he places
his hand on her waist and she sets hers on his shoulder.)
Fry's mind: Okay, you've been thinking of this moment four years now. Go on!
(Though awkwardly at first, Fry and Leela manage to go through several steps,
when finally their feelings get the better of them and go into several familiar
Leela's mind: Oh my god! This is exactly what he showed me through the holophoner!
I can't believe he still remembers it.
(They quickly become the center of attention, and every claps for them when
they end with Fry holding Leela up.)
Fry's mind: I can't believe I actually did it! She has to love me now.
Leela's mind: Don't be seduced by this again, Toronga. Remember what happened
the first time?
Leela: I can't help it. I'm falling for him.
"It's taken much too long to get it right. Would it be so wrong to maybe
find someone, a miracle? And all you really need is everything you could never
be. And so you'd give it all for a miracle."
(They walk out, arm-in-arm.)
Scene: Back at Leela's apartment later
(Leela and Fry walk in through the front door.)
Fry: We're back!
(Philip runs up to them and hugs him.)
Leela: You're still up?
Amy: He didn't want to go to sleep til you guys came back.
Leela: Okay, time for bed.
Philip: G'night Amy. G'night Daddy.
(Philip and Leela go down the hall.)
"Is there a trace inside her face of a lonely miracle? And so you wait
and lie awake for a lonely miracle."
Amy: So, how'd it go?
Fry: Uh, okay, I guess.
Amy: (looking at her wrist-thingy) It's almost eleven. We should really get
Fry: You go ahead. I'm gonna stick around here a little longer.
Amy: Oh. Uh huh. (winking) Go get her.
(She leaves through the front door.)
Fry: Well, looks like it's just me...and Leela. And Philip.
(He wanders down the hall. Leela's door is open, so he walks in. She and Philip
are in his room at the end of the hall. There are many different pictures on
her shelf. He looks at each one:
-Her old orphanarium group picture.
-Several different photos from Fear of A Bot Planet.
-A framed copy of the Times article, Titanic Survivors.
-Her and Nibbler in the gag wood cut-outs.)
"You never really know what it is. Not until it goes. And if it comes
again, it's a miracle. But what you miss is love in everything below and up
above. And could she bring it all, a miracle?"
(He reaches two last pictures. One was taken X-mas '01. It features her kissing
his cheek under the mistle toe. The second is of her and Philip.)
"Is there a trace inside her face of a lonely miracle? And so you wait
and lie awake for a lonely miracle."
(He doesn't notice her enter.)
Fry: Oh, hi. Didn't see you.
(They share a moment of silence, thinking about one another.)
Leela's mind: You can't tell him the way you feel. He's hurt you before and
he will again.
Leela: But, I can't hide my feelings anymore...
Fry's mind: You have to tell her your true feelings. You may never get this
(He moves closer to her.)
Fry: Look, there's something I've been meaning to tell you. When I kissed Rosalie,
I made the biggest mistake of my life, and I know I can never forgive myself
for it. But, I want you to know that there's hasn't been a day these past four
years that I haven't thought of you. I always thought that maybe one day you'd
come back, but now I know otherwise. I just hope we can at least be friends.
But, I guess I'm really trying to say that...I still love you.
(They are extremely close now. Close enough to kiss.)
Leela: (quiet, almost whispering) Then, I need to tell you that even though
we were far apart and I never saw or talked to you until now, I know that I
really do love you too...
(They both lean forward and share one of those beautiful, loving, long kisses.)
"All you wanted was a (miracle). All you needed was a miracle, a miracle.
And all you wanted was a (miracle). All you needed was a miracle, a miracle."
(She pulls him closer to her, while still in deep-kiss mode, to where she's
laying on the bed and he's leaning over her. She wraps her arms around his neck
as he begins removing his tux...)
"It's taken so long to get it right. Could it be so wrong to maybe find
someone, a miracle."
Scene: Much later that night
(Both are in bed. Leela's wearing her nightgown, mind you. We missed the "big
event." She's asleep, while Fry's awake with one arm around her, his freehand
casually fingering an aquamarine ring.)
Fry's mind: You're not gonna ask her now, are you?
Fry: No, I'll wait. But I'm giving it to her for safe-keeping.
(He places it in her hand. Her fingers curl around it and she smiles in her
SFX: Door knocking.
Philip: (OS) Can I come in?
Fry: Go ahead. The door's not locked.
(Philip enters and jumps on the bed. He looks confused.)
Philip: Daddy, why awe you still hewe?
Philip: I told you she needed you. Gwown-ups nevew listen.
(He shakes his head. Fry smiles.)
Philip: Does this mean you'll be awound all the time?
Fry: (looking over at Leela) Yeah, it does.
"Is there a trace inside her face of a lonely miracle? And so you wait
and lie awake for a lonely miracle."
Afterword: Yep, that's really it. About the two songs, I'm a pop listener so
forgive my facination with Everclear and Vertical Horizon. E-mail
me with your suggestions at firstname.lastname@example.org or AIM me at BumbleBeeTheta.
Thanx for reading!