Futurama

Fan Fiction

Going Insane 3 - All is Fair in Love and Leela
By GHT

[Planet Express Building everyone is at the conference table with one notable exception]

LEELA: Hey where’s Fry? He hasn’t been late in a long time.

Bender: Oh the skintube was still sleeping, and I didn’t care enough to wake him up.

LEELA: It is not like him to be like that, at least not lately.

[just then Fry comes into the room just as the meeting is about to start]

FRY: Hi everyone, sorry I am late. I don’t know why I just didn’t feel mature today.

HERMES: Well I will let you off this time, because of that whole being on time thing in these last few days. Just don’t let it happen again.

FRY: Ok.

FARNSWORTH: Good news everyone! You all will be making a delivery today to doom 9 in the galaxy of terror, and I have a new invention.

[pulls out a small bottle and shows them all two pills]

FARNSWORTH: within these pills are billions of self replicating nano-bots that will help people to become almost super humans, stronger faster, and even smarter. Soon we will no longer need regular robots, because we can do all the work ourselves.

Bender (thinking): WHAT!!!? No stupid nano-bot will ever replace me. I will make sure of it.

HERMES: Ok then now off you go it will take a while before we ever hear from you again.

[all go to the ship, except Bender, he takes the bottle when all are not looking and puts it into his chest cavity. The ship takes off toward a dark and menacing galaxy that is quite terrifying.]

Bender: Hey I will make the food on this trip. It may be a while before we get there.

LEELA: Oh alright Bender, just try to make it edible for humans this time ok?

FRY: Yeah Bender. You put that blue water from the toilet in the food last time.

Bender: Stupid humans and you damn soft easily destroyed organs.

[Bender goes to the kitchen and prepares the meal.]

Bender: Ok then, some bones, rotting meat, rat droppings, starbuck coffee nine days old, and hey what are these?

[Bender pulls out the nano pills]

Bender: oh well in they go, probably some cyanide pills of something.

[at the kitchen table]

FRY: I don’t know about this, I mean I can only now swallow after Bender put metal shavings in the toilet water last time.

LEELA: I know what you mean, I still have nightmares of eating that rat-bone pie last time.

Bender: Dinner is served! I have created a delicate meal that I like to call cyanide souflet. Enjoy!

[Fry and Leela look at the food with a look of dismay and impending doom. Then they both take a bite of the rancid concoction.]

FRY: Oh my God!!!

LEELA: What the hell did you put in this Bender!!!

Bender: What the usual, trash and stuff.

[inside their stomachs you see the nano-bots activate and go to work]

FRY: I am going to my room, I don’t feel so good.

[his face turns pale and he runs to the bathroom]

LEELA: Oh God my organs! You sick Bender!

Bender: Oh I bet Zapp knows all about that.

LEELA: If I wasn’t in so much pain right now I would have torn you limb from limb!

Bender: Oh I am so scared! Ha! Ha! Ha! I am made of metal! You can’t hurt me!

LEELA: Remember this!

[she breaks the front of the microwave and turns it on Bender. He falls apart]

LEELA: Oh man I hope the auto pilot can handle this, I am going to my quarters for a while.

 

[a few hours later, Fry comes into Leelas room]

FRY: Hey you feel any better?

LEELA: Yeah a little, why?

FRY: I need to talk to you about something.

LEELA: Sure, what is it?

FRY: I think that the mind re-programmer wore off.

LEELA: I think you are right. I haven’t done anything impulsive in a while.

FRY: And I have to struggle to do even the most basic chores again. We should see the professor when we get back.

LEELA: Agreed.

[some time later on the bridge, Leela is steering and Fry is putting Bender back together again (correctly somehow).]

FRY: All done. Good as new. How do you feel Bender?

Bender: Hey I feel great! But how did you know how to put me back together again like that?

FRY: I read the manual.

Bender: It is like 3,000 pages long in small print and with no pictures, how did you not pass out and go into epileptic shock?

FRY: I read it like this, it was easy.

[Fry holds up huge book and flips through pages really fast]

Bender: Hey you humans can’t do that!

FRY: I can. I wonder what else I can do.

[Fry picks up another book and reads the whole thing and remembers it all]

FRY: Hey Leela, do you feel any different?

LEELA: now that you mention it, I don’t have that pain in my stomach anymore and I actually feel pretty good.

FRY: Hey are we going to be at the planet in like 10 minutes?

LEELA: I was about to say that, how did you know?

FRY: It says it over there on that screen in front of you.

LEELA: Fry you are way to far to ever see what is on this screen even with 20/20 vision.

FRY: hey Leela, what does this say?

LEELA: what you forgot to read now too, it says if you can read this you are using a microscope. Wait what is that supposed to mean?

[shot of Fry holding up a microscopic speck of paper]

FRY: I wrote it myself.

LEELA: This is strange, it is like all of our natural abilities have been enhanced a million times over.

Bender: Ok now you two are seriously freaking me out here.

LEELA: Well we will have to worry about this later we still have to get to the planet. Were here, now lets go deliver that package.

FRY: Alright lets go!

[the cargo bay opens and the crew are lowered down to ground level.]

FRY: This planet seems to have pure and concentrated evil in the air. Now that is foreboding.

LEELA: Since when have you ever used that word?

FRY: since I read this book exactly ten seconds ago.

[holds up a massive dictionary with every word known in the English language including slang.]

LEELA: Hey let me see that.

[takes book and reads it by flipping pages really fast]

LEELA: Whatever is wrong with us the professor can fix it, but for now we have to deliver this package.

FRY: Yes Ma’am

[they go up to a huge dark fortress and knock on the door; a huge scary man opens the door.]

MAN: What do you want?

LEELA: We have a deliver for you sir.

MAN: Well it is about time! Now hand it over of face certain doom!

FRY: Sign here please.

MAN (nicely): Oh ok.

[they hand him the package and leave]

 

[back on Earth]

LEELA: Professor can you check Fry and I for parasites and stuff?

FARNSWORTH: Sure, but what makes you think Fry has parasites again?

LEELA: That.

[points to Fry flipping through a lot of book really fast and learning a lot of stuff]

FARNSWORTH: Oh my we have to check you all out pronto!

[in the lab Fry and Leela are scanned by a large MRI type device]

FARNSWORTH: well the good news is you don’t have parasites, however you do have something else.

LEELA: what?

FARNSWORTH: It appears that you somehow have taken my nano-bot pills and have become super humans.

FRY: well can we get rid of them?

LEELA: Fry why would you ever want to?

FRY: Oh yeah like as if keeping the parasites would have led to happiness, I told you what would have happened.

LEELA: I didn’t mean that Fry.

FARNSWORTH: As I was saying, you cannot get rid of them even if you wanted to. They have burrowed and replicated too much. Also I these nanites will give you special abilities, although I am not sure what they are.

LEELA: So then we are stuck with them.

FARNSWORTH: Afraid so, now lets all go home. We will need to rest for the big delivery tomorrow.

FRY: Uh wait professor, can you tell me whether those mind re-programmers wear off or not?

FARNSWORTH: Oh those, they never worked right, the effect only lasted several days before fading away, although there are some residual effects that are permanent. It is not enough to take over the world; I will just have to keep trying.

[as everyone is leaving]

FRY: Hey Leela, do you want to go do something tonight?

LEELA: Well, I still don’t have the hang of using my nanites, can you come over and give me some pointers?

FRY (seductively): SURE, I would love to come over and show you a thing or two.

LEELA (seductively): Well, I had better get ready then.

[shot of Amy in the background]

AMY: Well I always knew this would happen.

Bender: it is about damn time that skintube went out with Leela. Maybe now he will stop practicing with that damn holophoner and talking in his sleep about how much he loves her.

AMY: WOW he does!

Bender: Yeah, how is a robot supposed to recharge around here.

 

[At Leela’s apartment some time later, there is a knock at the door]

LEELA: Oh hello Fry, here to give me some pointers?

FRY: Yeah, I just found some cool things I can do, and I think you will like them a lot.

LEELA: like what?

FRY (telepathically): like this. Isn’t it cool!

LEELA: WOW! We can communicate telepathically! You have to show me that!

FRY: I have also downloaded how to fly a spaceship and captain like an expert. I also got a few things from the adult section too.

LEELA (seductively): Well, maybe we should try them out.

[cut to the living room on the couch]

LEELA: Oh yeah you are almost there!

FRY: just a little more!

LEELA: faster faster!

FRY: oh no I lost it!

LEELA: all you need is some more experience that will toughen you up.

[shot showing Fry and Leela playing a pilot simulator game on the couch.]

FRY: So, do you want to see what else I can do?

LEELA: No, now let me show you something only a woman can do

[cut to the internet]

LEELA: look at how I get all my clothes shopping done so fast now! It used to take me so much longer with the net-suit.

FRY: Yeah, it was so fast that even I didn’t get bored. Lets log out.

LEELA: Ok.

[cut to Fry and Leela next to a computer. Their nano-tentacles retracting.]

LEELA (telepathically): This is so cool! Now we wont have to be quiet during one of Hemes’ dull meetings.

FRY: yeah right! Lets try it out tomorrow at the meeting.

 

[in the conference room, everyone is at the table, except Amy who catches Leela at the door.]

AMY: So how did last night with Fry go?

LEELA: Oh it was wonderful. We talked, shopped, played a pilot simulator.

AMY: Oh I know what games you are playing.

LEELA (annoyed): what are you getting at?

AMY: you know the dates, and now he is going to your place, don’t tell me you are…

LEELA: For your information Fry and I were showing each other some cool new things we can do now that we have nanites.

AMY: Oh, well I think I know what cool new moves you two will be showing each other soon.

LEELA: Oh just drop it ok. He is mine now, and I don’t like your attitude.

AMY: Ok then, lets just go to the meeting then.

[At the conference table, everyone sits down.]

HERMES: Ok everyone, do you know why I called this meeting?

FRY: Because we always do this every morning at exactly 10:05 Am.

HERMES: Well I suppose you have a point there. Well, anyway, as I was saying, we will have a delivery today to chulak.

LEELA: What will we be delivering?

HERMES: I have no idea, and it is going to stay that way. We get a bonus if the crates are not opened.

FRY: Alright! We get a bonus for not doing something!!!

HERMES: No the company gets the bonus, you get your regular bare bones salary.

FRY: Oh yeah, well you will have to do better than that with you salaries. I have managed to budget and have finally been able to buy one of these!

[Fry pulls out a more futuristic wristamajuggor than Leela’s and puts it on his wrist.]

HERMES: My God man! YOU managed to gather up that much! My oppression computer must have made a mistake, you should never have been able to get it!

FRY: HA!!! I have proved even your advanced computers wrong!

HERMES: Well while I am in my office making an upgrade, you should deliver that package. And if it is late you all will be fired. Also, this trip will take a while, so Amy you go too.

 

[on the ship’s bridge]

LEELA: Wow Fry, how did you ever manage to get that anyway?

FRY: well I have been saving for it for a long time now, in fact ever since I saw how cool yours was when I came to the future. I also got really lucky day-trading stocks.

LEELA: I never thought that you could ever trade stocks well, wait, you thought mine was cool.

FRY: Yeah, and look I can do this with it.

[Fry concentrates and many mechanical tentacles come out of his arm and attach to the wristamajiggor.]

LEELA: What does that let you do?

FRY: I think I can interface with it and download information wirelessly now.

LEELA: Try it out.

[Fry then closes his eyes and shudders all over]

FRY: Hey I just learned everything there is to know about martial arts.

LEELA: You know it will be a long time before we get to the planet. We should hit the exercise room and try out some of your moves. I have to nano-bots too you know.

[Fry and Leela go down to the holo-simulator and Leela activates it on easy. A small man appears and Fry takes him down with a flying dropkick.]

FRY: That was too easy, make it something more challenging.

LEELA: Alright lets just skip the preliminaries, on to the final round.

[Leela sets it to hard and a massive warrior appears wielding many weapons. Fry has a longer fight, but still wins with no real problem.]

LEELA: Ok I believe you now, but how did you do that?

FRY: Just concentrate on the nanites and feel them merge with the wristamajiggor.

LEELA: Ok then if you say so.

[Leela concentrates and her nanites bond with her wristamajiggor.]

FRY: Now I have just learned that to overcome adversity in battle one must reach a tranquil state and be freed of all regret, for ones journey ends when they something happens. I have created something that might help you on this quest.

LEELA: What?

FRY: You will see.

[Fry uploads a special simulation into the computer and activates it.]

LEELA: Come on nothing you can make can scare me.

[then an image of Zapp appears and starts to hit on Leela]

ZAPP: My, my if it isn’t the always sexy Leela.

[Leela snaps in a fit of rage and attacks the simulation.]

ZAPP: Oh baby, you hit so seductively.

[Leela hits harder, but more of the same lines are said.]

ZAPP: you know the favourite part of a womans body is? The boobies.

[Leela then collapses in sheer exhaustion physically and emotionally distraught and begins to sob uncontrollably.]

FRY: Leela are you alright?

LEELA: How could you!? You said I would have to face my fears, not my worst decisions!

FRY: But that is what you fear the most. And you must face it if you are ever to reach a tranquil state and go to the next level.

LEELA: Alright Fry, I am ready to face my fears.

[Fry activates the simulator again and Leela begins to fight in a more controlled and tranquil manner.]

FRY: that’s it keep it up Leela!

ZAPP: OW hey! My tactics of seduction and distraction are not working! I have nothing to fight you with now, you do not eve n give me the satisfaction of being annoyed with me and showing it in that seductive way you do everything! NOOOOO!!!!!

[Leela defeats the simulation and collapses weeping, Fry rushes in to comfort her.]

LEELA: Thank you Fry, you have shown me that to not face my fears is a far greater problem than to simply face them and conquer them.

FRY: Why did you trust me back there. I was sure that you would run off in tears and curse me.

LEELA: Oh Fry, that is what the old Leela would have done, but now things are different. I trust you; I love you.

[with that their lips drew near and they kissed for what to them seemed like an eternity in blissful happiness]

 

[some time later on the bridge.]

FRY: after we get back, do you want to go to elzars and have a romantic night together?

LEELA: Oh I would love to Fry. Before I would have rejected you, but now that I know how you really feel and you can articulate it in such a mature way; I just love what has happened to us both. I love you Fry.

FRY: I love you Leela.

Bender: Ok then well if you two meatbags would like to get a room, I think we need to concentrate on that planet there.

[points to a planet that they are approaching quickly]

LEELA: Oh no are we there already! That didn’t take very long at all

Bender: well you two did take a hell of a long time in the exercise room and then in the shower room.

FRY: What are you implying?

Bender: Nothing yet skintube, and frankly I don’t care.

LEELA: Well we are here, go down to the cargo bay and deliver the packages. I will meet up with you later.

ALL: OK.

[in the cargo bay Fry is loading packages with Bender and Amy.]

AMY: LOAD MY PACKAGES PRIVATE!!!!

Bender: SIR!!! YES SIR!!! Stop that damn you!!

AMY: HA! HA! HA! I love that!!!

FRY: So all you have to do is order him like he is in the military and he will do whatever you want. Cool!

AMY: Yeah, but tell me Fry, how did your date with Leela go?

FRY: It was great! We played video games, and I even got to show her some cool things I can do with my nanites.

AMY: Did you do anything else? You know like…

FRY (interrupting): NO, we did not do that we had a good time and enjoyed each others company that is all.

AMY (slyly): If you say so.

[just then Leela walks into the cargo bay]

LEELA: Sorry that took so long, I had to run a systems diagnostic. The controls felt a little unresponsive.

AMY: Well duh! You were moving then so fast I thought you were completing maneuvers before they were meant to happen.

LEELA: Really, I guess it is another nanite thing.

AMY: you are probably right. Just don’t get any of your icky nanites on me.

FRY: Hey that was totally uncalled for. Are you jealous?

AMY: NO!!! I am just tired of hearing about you and your dumb nanites! It is all I heard on the way here! GU’H!!

FRY (telepathically to Leela): jealous

LEELA (telepathically back to Fry): totally, although I do feel sorry for her.

FRY (back to Leela): what do you think we should do?

LEELA (aw you know!): I think I have an idea.

AMY: Why are you staring at each other like that!?

LEELA: Ok, enough of that, lets deliver that package already and get out of here. This isn’t exactly the good part of the galaxy.

[they all then go up to what looks like a huge mansion and knock on the door]

MAN: What is it!!!

LEELA: Delivery

MAN: I am coming I am coming.

[a large figure opens the door]

MAN: please come on in, you are my guests.

[they all walk in and sit down]

MAN: just leave the packages where they are, I will have them taken care of.

FRY: What is in them anyway? And what is with the secrecy, it is not like they contain stolen property or laundering money.

MAN: YOU KNOW TOO MUCH!!! GET THEM!!!

Bender: CHEESE IT!!!

[they all run as armed guards start firing at them]

LEELA: GET TO THE SHIP!!!

[they all run as there are many explosions all around them]

FRY: WERE NOT GOING TO MAKE IT!!!

[Just then Fry is hit by a laser blast and his arm is blown off]

FRY: AHHHHH!!!!!! MY ARM!!!! HELP ME!!!

[Bender then grabs Fry’s arm and lifts Fry over his shoulder and runs close behind Leela]

LEELA: FRY!!! NOOOO!!!!

AMY: JUST RUN!!!

[they finally make it to the ship and take off at full speed, just then a squadron of fighters come out of a cloud and attack the ship]

LEELA: I am going to have to gun it, Amy give me engine status report, Bender, fire at them from the turret.

AMY: the engines are overtaxed already, we can’t take this much more.

LEELA: We are going to have to, at least until we get into orbit. Those are air fighters only.

[just then there is a large explosion]

AMY: we just lost the left engine and 30% power, I am going to have to deactivate everything but the life support to keep the other going, that includes artificial gravity.

LEELA: Then do it!

[just then the gravity is turned off and Amy passes out because of the G forces. Leela is straining and can’t hold out much longer, just then they reach orbit and the engine shots down, there is a large jolt and Leela bangs her head on the console and is knocked out cold.]

Bender: Well that is over, I hope my beer is ok.

[Bender then floats down into the bridge to find Leela, Amy, and Fry all knocked out cold]

Bender: pathetic humans. Hmmmmm… I have an idea

[I cannot tell you what happened next, but it involved Bendercam, Amy and Leela, the internet, blackmail, and no clothes]

 

[some time later Fry regains consciousness to find that his arm re-attached by itself]

FRY: WOW!!! That is cool, I have to find Leela and tell her that I can do that and that I am alright; hey where is my wallet?

[on the bridge Leela and Amy regain consciousness and look around in shock to find that there is no gravity and there is a lot of junk floating around everywhere]

LEELA: hey, I don’t remember wearing this!

[Leela points to the pink top that is signature Amy that she is now wearing]

AMY: What the! I never wore this! It is way not my style, just so plain and not sexy in any way, just like you Leela.

[she points to the boots she has on and the white tank top. Leela gives her the glare of doom.]

LEELA: this is weird, it is like we swapped clothes in our sleep or something.

[they stare at each other with confusion and then shout out]

AMY/LEELA: Bender!!!!!!!!!!

Bender: What I didn’t take advantage of you while you were out and put the pictures on the net, uh oh.

[just then Leela grabs the microwave and breaks Bender again]

AMY: I am going to make your life a living HELL!!!!!

[she pulls out her laptop and attaches it to Benders head]

Bender: what are you doing to me!

[just then his mind is transported into the laptop and Amy begins to reprogram him]

Bender: NOOOOO!!!!!

[Amy and Leela watch as the new programming takes effect and changes Bender into a good robot that must serve the crew no matter what the request]

AMY: Now for a little more fun

[she puts on a VR helmet and Leela joins her, they then begin to beat the artificial life out of Bender]

Bender: OW!!! HEY I can’t feel pain!!!

AMY: you can here you pervert!!!

LEELA: take this tin man!!! I will be a which!!!

AMY: what?

LEELA: nothing lets just kick the crap out of him some more.

[they then exit the VR world, cut to Bender who is battered and ripped apart on the ground, he then twitches a bit in pain.]

[on the outside Leela and Amy find Fry near them]

FRY: WOW!!! That was cool!!!

LEELA: Hey I thought your arm was blown off back there.

FRY: nanite thing

[Amy then runs off crying]

FRY: what was that all about?

LEELA: Girl thing, I had better take care of it, you run this program I just made and use it on Bender, that damn robot did horrible things to me and Amy while we were out and our revenge is not over yet.

FRY: HOW DARE HE DO SOMETHING!!!!

[Fry pops in the disk and runs the program, a shot of Bender on a doom coaster being beaten while having to face his worst fears as a robot with magnets trying to attach to him.]

FRY: Awsome!

 

[cut to Leela and Amy in Amy’s room]

LEELA: What has been with you lately?

AMY: I don’t know it is just that I was always the one who knew how to fix the ship, or that could pilot other than you. Now that you and Fry are enhanced by the nanites, I just feel so obsolete and unnecessary.

LEELA: Oh Amy, I know how you feel, but hmmm.. I have an idea.

[shot of Fry walking down the corridor]

LEELA: Fry, can you come in here a minute?

FRY: Sure thing. What is it? LEELA: I am going to need your help to do this, I think we should give some of our nanites to Amy, so that way she wont feel left out and alone when we use our nanites.

FRY: Sure, I could spare a few.

AMY: Uh, I don’t know about this. I mean nanites, I don’t want you to hurt yourselves or something.

FRY: Look this is for a friend, a friend I don’t want to be left out. I would do anything.

LEELA: just hold still a minute, I don’t havegood depth perception you know.

[then nanotentacles come out of Leela and Fry’s arms and they attach to Amy]

AMY: Ahhh!!!! This is what is going on!

[then after a while the tentacles detach and retract into Fry and Leela respectively]

AMY: Oh man I feel weird, I am going to lie down for a while.

LEELA: yeah I feel drained, I am going to lie down.

FRY: I guess that leaves me to pilot the ship. Good thing I took lessons, I could use the experience.

[Amy and Leela go to their rooms and sleep, Fry pilots and eventually lands the ship back at Planet Express.]

FRY: oh man I am drained, I had better wake up Leela and Amy.

[Fry goes and wakes up Leela and Amy. They then exit the ship]

HERMES: Alright you sleepyheads, it is time for an emergency meeting.

FRY: Oh man I can barely stay awake.

AMY: Me too.

LEELA: count me in on that, say aren’t the nanites meant to keep us going longer? I mean we have been on plenty of longer missions.

AMY: Well I guess we didn’t get much rest while beating up Bender.

FRY: good point, say where is he?

[cut to Bender still in robot hell program suffering eternal damnation version 4.0]

[in the conference room]

HERMES: Do you know why I have called this meeting?

FRY: No, we have never really done one of these before.

HERMES: I have called it, because this marks the 300th mission ending in a life or death firefight and you all almost getting killed.

LEELA: So?

HERMES: that means all people on board have had their licenses revoked, and Fry, you never even had one, so tomorrow you all will have to go and get your licenses from the DSV, the department of space vehicles.

AMY: Oh man I hate that place!!!

FRY: what is so bad about it?

LEELA: Fry, it is like the DMV of your time on steroids, form after form, line after line, confusing signs that go nowhere, I barely got out of there alive last time.

HERMES: Ah, best years of my life.

[everyone leaves and goes home, cut to Leela asleep in her apartment. Just then there is a hoot.]

LEELA (groggy and just getting up): what was that!

[she turns on the light and there is what appears to be a tornado of feathers and bird poo flying everywhere]

LEELA: AHHHH!!!!! I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE!!!!

[Leela runs out grabbing anything she can including Nibbler.]

[cut to Fry’s place, he is sleeping and dreaming of how much he loves Leela. Just then there is a knock at the door, Bender opens]

Bender: What the hell happened to you!

LEELA: hey Bender I need a place to sleep.

[shot of Leela standing in front of Bender, hair messed up, clothes torn, and covered in bird presents.]

[Leela then pushed past Bender and goes into Fry’s area]

FRY (just getting up): Leela, what are you doing here? What happened to you!?

LEELA: My place is being fumigated for owls, can a stay here for a few days?

FRY: Sure, but I think you should freshen up first, you can use my bathroom.

LEELA: thanks Fry, I wont try to impose too much.

FRY: I don’t think you ever really can. Not with me anyway.

[Leela went into the bathroom and showered leaving Fry to sort out her things]

FRY: Oh man those owls must be vicious, and really disgusting.

[just then Nibbler pops out of the duffle bag Leela brought and runs off into a corner]

FRY: oh hey little guy, do you want something to eat?

[Nibbler then jumps around in his usual insane sort of way, Fry goes to the fridge and grabs some leftover ham and tosses it to Nibbler. Nibbler eats it in one gulp.]

FRY: geez, how does Leela ever afford to feed you.

[Leela then comes out of the shower wearing a towl]

LEELA: I only had time to grab a few things in my panic to get out of there, so do you have a sleeping bag of something I can use?

FRY: sure it is in the closet. Here.

[Fry opens the closet and hands Leela a sleeping bag.]

LEELA: thanks Fry, I’ll just sleep here in the corner, so that you don’t even have to notice I am here.

FRY: Well if you want to I have no problem with where you sleep. Oh well good night.

[that night we see Leela sleeping with Nibbler at here feet and Fry in his bed.]

FRY (thinking): Well, I hope I can keep Leela impressed with me, I wonder what else we can do with the nanites.

[in his sleep, Fry reaches out to Leela telepathically and enters her dreams.]

LEELA: Fry? What are you doing here? This isn’t supposed to happen in this dream.

FRY: I think it is a new nano-power. I just tried figured that if we can talk with out minds, maybe we can do it in our sleep too.

LEELA: this is incredible. I never thought that we ever could do something like this, I mean I touch you and it feels just like it would if I did it while we were awake. Oh no here it comes.

[scene of Leela being chased by Zapp and him taunting her with his stupid lines]

FRY: you know there is another thing that we can do with the nanites, I found this out a little while ago. You can control your dreams, just concentrate on what you want to happen and you can solve your nightmares.

LEELA: Ok, I trust you I’ll try.

[Leela concentrates and the dream Leela turns and kicks the crap out of dream zapp, causing him to be knocked out, then kif runs in and takes his command, we then see zapp on the street begging with a sign that says: no job, no Leela, no sidekick.]

LEELA: Wow, that was really rewarding, but now comes the part that has haunted me since I was a kid.

[scene of Leela being taunted by all the other children at the orphanarium and crying.]

FRY: Awwww…that is so sad. No wonder you talk about it all the time.

LEELA: well not anymore.

[the little Leela then gets up and opens a can of whoop ass on all the other children, they then all bow down and praise her.]

LEELA: this is great! What else can we do?

FRY: well, there is something that I have wanted to show you for a long time, but nobody ever believed me that it ever happened.

[scene of Fry defeating the huge evil brain and all the Nibbolonians eating the smaller brains, then everyone becomes smart again.]

LEELA: Oh my God!!! I always though you made that up as a poor excuse to not be at work! And I never though that little Nibbler was actually a part of a race of cute little animals that protect the universe from the brain spawn.

FRY: yeah, but that is just one thing the main thing I want you to see, but you also never believed is this.

[scene of Fry looking at the love letter he wrote and then it being sucked into a black hole]

LEELA: Oh Fry that is the most wonderful thing that anyone has ever done for me. Too bad I couldn’t ever see it without causing the end time to happen.

FRY: yeah, I love you Leela.

LEELA: I love you too Fry.

[they kiss and begin to do a little more in their dream state. The next day Fry awakens with a start.]

FRY: Did that really just happen!

LEELA (awake now from Fry’s yelling): Oh my God it did happen!

FRY: just that you know there.

LEELA: does it really count I mean we never really were together.

FRY: It was all good to me.

LEELA: Is there anything we can’t do now with these nanites?

FRY: I don’t know, but I feel even more tired than before, I know I slept, but I have no idea why I just can’t work at the level the nanites have allowed me to.

[just then Bender walks in and pulls a beer from his chest cavity and drinks it, both Fry and Leela lick their lips and stare on.]

Bender: What are the hell are you two looking at?

LEELA: give me one of those!

[she grabs a beer and drinks it]

LEELA: Oh man I feel way more energized now, you try Fry.

[Fry grabs another beer and drinks it too. Both Fry and Leela then down five more, before stopping.]

FRY: this is weird, I just downed like five and I am not the least bit drunk.

LEELA: Tell me about it, I can’t even get through two without being really drunk and let alone five.

FRY: do you think the nanites have something to do with it?

LEELA: maybe they are powered like Bender and need alcohol to operate.

Bender: that is it! They can take my job and they can take my friend, but I draw the line when they take my beer.

LEELA: Oh shut up Bender, now give me another.

Bender: What do I look like a beer keg?

FRY and LEELA: YES!!!

[at the planet express office Fry Leela and Amy are seen drinking a large amount of beer from Bender]

HERMES: My God! What is wrong with you people! You are supposed to get your licenses, not lose them perminantly!

FARNSWORTH: well actually I can explain this. The nanites are powered with alcohol, just like Bender.

ALL: right.

HERMES: well just go to the DSV and get your licenses already, we need them for a delivery tomorrow.

LEELA: sure thing.

FRY: we will try not to die of old age.

AMY: I think I can pull a few strings with my parents to get through the lines faster.

HERMES: Good, now you all go I am sure it will still take a very long time.

[the ship takes off and goes to the DSV, looks like a massive tower, inside the crew look at a map]

AMY: my parents said there is a trap door here somewhere to the great window nobody can find that will give you the service you actually need.

[she pushes on a brick and a door opens, they all then go through to the nearest window]

CLERK: may I help you?

AMY: can you renew our licenses?

CLERK: sure thing, you are the first people I have seen here in a month.

[he uses his computer and types in some information really fast, just then a grizzled old man comes to the window]

MAN: I knew there was a useful window here, they laughed, but I will show them now! Can I get my birth certificate here?

CLERK: sir I am busy with other customers, and no what you want is to go to the central beurocracy, this is the DSV.

MAN: NOOO!!!! My life is wasted!

CLERK: have a nice day.

[he then turns to the crew]

CLERK: ok then, everything is in order, here are your new licenses.

[the crew pick up their licenses and look at them in aw.]

AMY: well lets go, hey, what does it say here?

LEELA: it says here in the fine print that the holders of these cards may be recruited into the doop at any time. WHAT!!!

FRY: it also says that as long as there isn’t a war within 24 hours of getting the cards you don’t get drafted.

LEELA: well that is a relief.

[they all fly back to the Planet express building]

HERMES: my god what are you doing back so soon!

AMY: I pulled a few strings.

HERMES: well then you all can help clean up this place. Fry you take care of Zoidberg’s office, Leela and Amy, you do some cleaning on the ship. Bender, you go do nothing, because you will just break something.

[Fry goes into Zoidberg's office]

FRY: Wow! Hey is that my old exoskeleton from that whole monster sandwich thing?

ZOIDBERG: Yes it is. I thought I would keep it, it is a shame to let a good shell go to waste like that.

FRY: I have plans for this, I’ll be back cover me.

[Fry gets a hover dolly and puts the shell on it, making sure to cover it.]

LEELA: where are you going Fry?

FRY: to take care of some things from Zoidbergs office.

LEELA: oh ok, just get back before hermes finds out.

FRY: will do.

[Fry leaves and goes to a taxidermy shop.]

FRY: what will it take to have something stuffed and preserved here?

MAN: we do anything for 100 dollars.

FRY: Ok sure, can you do this?

[he uncovers the terrifying shell]

MAN: AHH!!! What is that thing!!!

FRY: my old shell, long story, can you get it done by the end of today?

MAN: sure, just get it out of here.

[Fry leaves and the taxidermist goes to work on it. Fry then gets back to planet express before anyone notices his leave.]

FRY: well it’s the end of the day, I had better go pick it up before Leela gets back.

[Fry picks up the shell and takes it to his apartment and puts it in a corner, just then Leela walks in]

LEELA: AHHHH!!!!!

FRY: what?

LEELA: you’ve mutated again!

FRY: no I haven’t. I am right here.

[Fry pokes his head out from behind the menacing shell where he was buffing and polishing it.]

LEELA: why the hell did you keep that!?

FRY: to remind me never to eat those sandwiches ever again.

LEELA: good point, hey hasn’t it almost been 24 hours?

FRY: yeah your right, there are only a few more minutes to go.

[just then their licenses start beeping and play a message saying that they should report to the nearest DOOP center within two days.]

FRY: well, we are drafted, I am going for a night on the town. You coming?

LEELA: no I have to pick up some more things from my place before they fumigate.

FRY: well it is just not the same without you. I guess I will pack up some of my things and get ready to face certain doom tomorrow when we get to the nimbus and take off for some planet to invade and fight the bouncy ball people or something.

LEELA: I had better prepare to not kill Zapp when we get there.

 

[the next day, at the loading dock for the nimbus, Fry and Leela say goodbye to Amy and the others.]

AMY: sorry I couldn’t get you guys off the hook too, it is just Fry, you were already in the military, so they know you can do it, and you Leela, well it goes without saying that Zapp wanted you in and not even my parents can override him.

LEELA: I understand, at least you tried.

FRY: yeah, well see you in the afterlife.

Bender: hey doesn’t anyone care that I was drafted too?

ALL: No.

[they all board the nimbus and it takes off, Fry and Leela go to their respective areas based on gender, Fry is in a huge area with a huge number of guys, and Leela is in a equally large area, but is all alone, because no woman signed up yesterday.]

FRY: well I wonder what suicide unit I am in.

[Fry checks the lists and Leela is next to him.]

FRY: alright we are in the same unit, at least we can die together.

LEELA: don’t talk like that Fry, we are going to do as little dying as possible.

[just then Zapp appears from in the crowd]

ZAPP: Well, well, if it isn’t the always sexy Leela.

LEELA: look zapp we are through it has been that way since the moment I realized I did it with you. I have found someone else now, so you never had and never will have another chance.

ZAPP: Ouch, that hurt, you didn’t even give me the satisfaction of being mad in your sexy kind of way. I hate you, see ya.

[zapp leaves and Leela and Fry are overjoyed]

LEELA: WOW!! It worked! He wont bother me now!!!

FRY: so who is it exactly that has taken you?

LEELA: me of course. Do you need another beer or something?

FRY: no I just wanted to make sure I knew that before we have to fight.

[in the large briefing room]

ZAPP: we know nothing about this planet or its people, we just know that they stand for all that we hate, so we have to ambush them. GO!!!

[the floor opens and all fall out onto the ground, just then huge koosh-balls fly in and ensnare all but a few people.]

LEELA: we have to charge out rifles!!!

[All start charging their stupid rifles like jack in the boxes.]

[Fry begins firing but his un-charged shots do not even phase the koosh beings. They are all ensnared and about to be torn apart, when Fry has a near death download of some 21st century infantry data.]

FRY: I will not die like this!!!

[Fry’s regular DOOP uniform is then assimilated and transformed into heavy Kevlar and ceramic armor. Fry then concentrates and a large futuristic sleek gun with a bayonet attachment appears and forms in his hands. Fry then shoots the creature holding him and cuts himself free.]

LEELA: Fry! Help ME!!!

FRY: Here concentrate on this!

[Fry telepathically sends Leela the information on how to do what he just did and of what infantry soldier designs he downloaded.]

FRY: I will take care of the alien.

[Leela then is transformed into a super 21st century soldier and also kills her monster in the same way that Fry did.]

LEELA: Let’s kick some ass!

[They both begin firing at the koosh monsters and take out a whole lot of them freeing other soldiers]

FRY: We are being flanked!

LEELA: I got it!

[Leela fires the 32-mm auto grenade launcher into the new wave of koosh monsters and takes them all out.]

[the battle raged for several more hours, Fry and Leela ranked up more kills than any soldier ever did on the first day or over all for that matter. The fields were littered with the dead DOOP and the ground ran blue with the blood of the fallen koosh, it was truly a sight to behold and Leela just got a grasp of what she and her lover had just done.]

LEELA: my God, what have we done?

FRY: Leela, we had to, it was either them of us. We didn’t start this war, but we will have to fight in it as long as there is no peace.

LEELA: I know Fry, it is just, look at them so many have been killed and mostly by our hands. I mean they all probably have families and children too.

FRY: It is best not to think of that Leela, not if you want to make it to the next day. War truly is hell, and I hoped that people of the year 3000 would know that, but I was wrong.

LEELA: that was beautiful.

FRY: Yeah, I mean, you would think they would come up with some better guns geez. These doop rifles are totally useless.

 

[Back on the nimbus the two of them are given medals for the sheer number of kills they got that day.]

ZAPP: for your novel military tactics of using little lead balls and hurling them really fast at the enemy taking out their entire brigade and winning the battle I give you the medal of slaughter for racking up 400 kills each on the first day. Now we can take a drive strait for their last stronghold and you two will lead.

LEELA: my God was it really that many?

FRY: guess so.

[after a month of brutal fighting and racking up more kills than anyone ever in DOOPS history Fry and Leela are promoted to the rank of lieutenant. On their way back to camp when the ground starts to shake.]

FRY: what is going on?

LEELA: the ground is moving!

[just then a huge number of the koosh monsters come out of the ground and attack. They kill everyone and especially hurt Fry and Leela. From then on nothing is seen but darkness.]

FRY: Where am I? am I dead?

LEELA: Damn well better not be.

FRY: Leela where are you?

LEELA: here, next to you silly.

[Fry then realizes Leela was next to him the entire time.]

FRY: hey this is that plane of mental existence we did it on that night remember?

LEELA: Hey you are right, but how did we get here?

FRY: We were ambushed. I thought we were dead for sure, because I saw you being torn limb from limb by those things, I was then dismembered and brutally killed.

LEELA: Yeah, how can we still be alive?

FRY: well, I have no idea, but if we only have so long to live and since it really does not happen…..

LEELA: Well you are right, come on, let me show you the bedroom…

[just then a dream lovenaysium appears and both Fry and Leela go in for a good time on their ideal mental landscape.]

 

[After a long time in that plane of mental awareness Fry and Leela are in each others embrace.]

FRY: Leela, I just want you to know that I love you and if we pass on I could never die in the arms of anyone better.

LEELA: I love you too Fry.

[just then Fry is torn from Leela’s embrace and flung far into the dark void.]

LEELA: Fry! No don’t leave me!!!

[Fry and Leela then come to next to each other in the hospital on the nimbus.]

FRY: what happened?

LEELA: I think we were both knocked out.

NURSE: that is right, but it was a little more than that. We found you two reassembling after the battle, you two were torn limb from limb, and only your nanites saved you. You two have been honorably discharged for your actions. The koosh people have put out a hit on you two and you all are too much of a security risk, so you get to go home today.

[Fry and Leela look at each other and cheer.]

 

[the next day at planet express]

FRY: hey Leela do you want to go for a night on the town to celebrate our not being dead?

LEELA: Not really Fry, I have to move all my stuff back to my place.

FRY: Ok then, if you re-consider I will be at the hot club.

[that night after an uneventful day of cleaning and info-loading Fry is seen going to the hot club where he spots Amy.]

FRY: Hey Amy.

AMY: Hi Fry, what are you doing here?

FRY: I decided to go out tonight to celebrate my having been discharged form the military.

AMY: Come over here and sit down so that we can talk.

FRY: Alright.

[Fry and Amy sit at a table together and Fry tells her what happened while he was in the military. They both then hold hands when he tells her about how he and Leela were torn apart and almost died if it weren’t for the nanites. Just then a strange sensation came over the two of them.]

FRY: do you feel that?

AMY: you mean like I just have to stay with you longer?

FRY: yeah that. What is up with that?

AMY: I think I should go I have a lot to download for my finals soon.

FRY: uh yeah see ya.

 

[the next day Amy wakes up and notices she is naked under the covers, she looks over and sees Fry]

AMY: AHHHH!!!!! Did we just do what I think we did!!!

FRY: oh my God!! Leela I have no idea why I did that!!!

[they both fall off the bed and then run to get dressed]

AMY: ok this didn’t happen ok, if Leela doesn’t know then she wont have a reason to kill me.

FRY: me too!

[they then accidentally touch while gathering their clothes, and just have to touch more, a hug, then all out kissing and such. They then get to planet express to see the professor and barely manage to contain themselves, in the lab Leela walks in on them killing and hugging deeply.]

LEELA: my God Fry what is wrong with you! How could you do this to me!

[she walks over and slaps Fry, but then she too is drawn to kissing and hugging Fry]

FARNSWORTH: I feared this would happen. I appears that the nanites are coercing you three to be with each other in order to exchange experiences and knowledge gained over the last month that you three couldn’t touch each other.

LEELA: how (kiss) do (kiss) we stop this(kiss) (kiss) (kiss).

FARNSWORTH: well this way it will take a while, so the only way to do it faster would be to get horizontal with each other.

AMY: G’UH NO WAY! Not with Leela too!!!

LEELA: I will take my chances this way.

FRY: yeah, I am with Leela now, I couldn’t possibly cheat again voluntarily. Although…

[Fry then gets extreme glares from both Leela and Amy who’s vision nearly cut out his heart along with other nearby organs]

LEELA: well I guess we are stuck this way for a while.

AMY: GET US BEER PRIVATE Bender!!!

Bender: Sir! yes sir!!!

FRY: well we could at least get comfortable.

FARNSWORTH: indeed, the more surface area exposed and in contact the faster this will all go.

[Fry, Leela, and Amy then expose themselves down to tops and shorts, but will go no farther]

 

[several hours later all three are asleep when Fry stirs]

FRY: oh man I fell way better, hey wake up you two.

[Leela and Amy wake up and are surprised to find that they can now separate and move freely. Then the professor comes back into the lab]

FARNSWORTH: good news everyone, as long as you all come in direct contact once a day for five minutes you will not have this problem.

[everyone cheers.]

AMY: well I have to get back to mars university, my vacation time is up, see you all three months from now.

LEELA: oh, right, um we need to find a way around this problem.

FRY: yeah, I am with Leela now, and after three months, things could get a little weird when you get back.

AMY: oh right, well you all can stop by before every delivery and hold my hand for 5 minutes each day.

HERMES: not if we are going to be on schedule to deliver our packages. You all are just going to have to suck it up and deal with it, maybe once a week is tolerable.

ALL: agreed.

[everyone begin to leave after a long day of holding hands and ship maininence.]

FRY: hey Leela, do you want to go out tonight? I have some special reservations at Elzar's.

LEELA: sure I would love to, anything after that whole thing these last few days with the dying and holding and all.

FRY: See you at eight?

LEELA: wouldn’t miss it for the world.

[at Elzar's Fry is at a table already and looking very nervous, just then Leela comes in and sits down.]

FRY: you know Leela over the last two months not to mention the last two years we have grown close and enjoy each others company on a regular basis, and uh, can I be excused?

[Fry goes toward the restroom hall and looks into a mirror]

FRY (to mirror): Leela I love you with all my heart and I know we can make it work this time now that we know why we love each other so much, so will you marry me?

[Fry’s face then turns to a grimace and he feels sick inside]

FRY: oh who am I kidding she will just push me away again, or will she, things might be different this time. I have to try.

[sensing someone watching Fry turns around to find nobody. He the goes back to his table where Leela was waiting for his return.]

LEELA: so what were you saying?

[Fry kneels down before Leela]

FRY: well Leela, we have grown close, and I oh forget it,

[Fry pulls out a small velvet box and opens it to reveal a very large diamond ring]

FRY: Will you marry me?

LEELA: Oh Fry I was wondering when you were finally going to ask, I love you Fry and of course I will.

FRY: I love you Leela.

LEELA: I love you Fry.

[just then a huge cheer bursts from the other restaurant patrons who have been listening to them the whole time. Fry and Leela blush with embarrassment. After a nice romantic meal, they then go back to Leela’s refurbished apartment.]

FRY: well I had a wonderful night.

LEELA: me too Fry, so do you want to show me some of those adult moves you downloaded?

FRY: sure thing my love.

[they then kiss and the door closes blocking your view into the room, but yeah you know what they are doing in there, and I goes on all night long.]

 

THE END

EPOLOGUE: Well I thought it was good. What do you think? E-mail me at Getak2003@hotmail.com.

Buddies