Note from the author: A computer game character appears in this story. Also,
this story contains extreme violence, blood, and gore. Only mature readers should
It was a beautiful winter evening in New New York. Zoidberg was in his medical
clinic. Farnsworth was in his lab. Scruffy was doing janitorial work in the halls.
Fry, Leela, and Amy are seated in the living room, having rented a few horror
Hermes had cleaned out his office for the day and was now preparing to go home
to his wife and son.
As Fry, Leela, and Amy were finishing their first horror flick of the evening,
"Frankenstein", Bender comes into the living room, carrying a few silver
Bender: Guys! Look at these trophies I won playing Robot Hockey! I won three
MVP's! That mean's Most Valuable Player!
He gives one to each of his three friends sitting on the couch.
Amy: Bender, these aren't Most Valuable Player!
Amy: This one is for the Most Violent Player.
Leela: Most Vulgar Player?
Fry: Most Verbal Profanity?
Bender: Damn! And I thought I got into two fights for nothing!
Leela: What happened?
Bender: I called someone on the opposite team a bucket of bolts. I also called
the same guy a son of a bucket of bolts after we got out of the penalty box.
Amy: Bender, you have really got to stop drinking.
Bender: Bite my shiny metal ass!
Meanwhile, at that very moment, Hermes was driving down the street towards
Hermes: Oh my! I forgot to call Labarbara and Dwight to tell them I'm on my
He pulls over at a nearby phone booth. As he does, the phone starts to ring.
A mysterious man in a trenchcoat enters the phone booth and picks up the phone.
Voice on phone: Good morning, afternoon, evening, Mr...uh...
Man in trenchcoat: Caleb.
Voice on phone: Right. Thank you Mr. Caleb. I'm with a market research firm
and we're doing a survey on video and computer games. This call is not an attempt
to sell you anything.
Meanwhile, Hermes walks up to the phone booth and knocks on the glass wall.
Hermes: Hey buddy, can you hurry up in there! I have to make an important phone
Caleb ignores him and continues to listen to the telemarketer.
Telemarketer: First question. Have you ever appeared in a video game or computer
Caleb: You've gotta be kidding! I've been in two!
Hermes continues to knock on the glass wall.
Hermes: Hurry up in there!
Caleb reaches into his trenchcoat and turns to face Hermes.
Caleb: The choice is yours, walk now and live, stay and die!
Hermes continues to pound on the glass wall almost as if he never heard him.
Caleb: Then you're dying!
Hermes: Get off the ph...!
But before Hermes can finish, the glass wall of the phone booth shatters as
Caleb unloads both barrels of a sawed off shotgun, pelting Hermes with dozens
of small pieces of broken glass and buckshot.
His suit drenched with blood, Hermes collapses, dead.
Caleb (hanging up the phone): Red is definately your color!
Caleb replaces the shotgun into his trenchcoat and bends over Hermes' lifeless
body. He reaches into the suit and pulls out a wallet. He searches through the
contents, until he finds the address of Hermes' place of employment.
Caleb: Wow! This promises to be fun!
He reloads his shotgun and puts it back into his trenchcoat with other weapons
stashed inside. He also puts Hermes' wallet back into the suit where he found
it, but not before taking the cash. Then, he hides Hermes' body in a nearby alley
in a trash bin.
Meanwhile, back at Planet Express, Leela, Fry, Bender, and Amy were watching
Bender: I think Dracula is the scariest monster ever! He bites you and you
Fry: I disagree. I think Frankenstein is the scariest monster. If he gets a
hold of you, you're dead!
Bender: You gotta be kidding! Frankenstein is so slow! You can easily outrun
Fry: Try telling that to the villagers!
A little later, outside Planet Express, a taxi-cab pulled up outside the building.
Caleb climbs out after paying the driver.
As the taxi drives away, Caleb walks up to the front door.
Caleb: I'm gonna paint this place red, blood red! Time to start piling up the
He pushes the button on the intercom outside.
On the other side, a voice is heard.
Scruffy: Who is it?
Caleb: Everybody dies!
Scruffy: Is that so? I'm buzzing you in Mr. Everybody Dies.
The door opens. Caleb steps inside the front hall where he sees Scruffy, mopping
Scruffy: Mr. Everybody Dies, what is it you came for?
Caleb: I've got a present for you!
Scruffy: Scruffy likes presents!
Caleb tosses Scruffy a package.
As Scruffy opens it, an explosion engulfs him. For inside that package, Caleb
had concealed a proximity bomb.
Scruffy collapses to the floor, lifeless as stone. All that's left of his fingers
are bloody stumps. Much of his skin has been melted off by the explosion. Blood
is beginning to pool on the floor underneath his remains.
Caleb: I do that rather well don't you think? Now, where do those gun-toting
madmen go from here?
In the living room...
Fry: Did you hear something?
Amy: It was probably the professor working on another of his experiments.
Bender: Can you guys keep it down?! I'm trying to watch the movie!
Meanwhile, Zoidberg is dissecting a squid in his lab, when suddenly, the door
opens. In comes Caleb.
Caleb: Well, that's one way to open something up, but not merely as quick or
fun as my method!
Zoidberg turns around.
Zoidberg: Ah! A patient!
Caleb: Ugh! And I thought I was ugly!
Caleb closes the door behind him.
Zoidberg: You are a strange fellow indeed Mr...
Zoidberg: Well, Mr. Caleb, from what I can see, your eyes look extremely blood-shot
to me. They're completely red! And your skin! Have you been smoking?
Caleb takes out a cigarette lighter, opens it, and activates the flame.
Zoidberg: Smoking is hazardous to your health you know.
Caleb pulls out a can of hairspray. Then he steps towards Zoidberg.
Caleb: True, but this is gonna hurt me more than it's gonna hurt you. NOT!
He sprays hairspray through the fire, creating a wave of flames, right at Zoidberg.
Caleb: Burn baby, burn!
Zoidberg is enveloped in flames. He starts screaming.
Zoidberg: It burns! It burns!
Zoidberg starts running around the clinic, flailing his arms, panicing. Soon,
much of his lab is on fire.
Caleb replaces the lighter and hairspray can in his trenchcoat and pulls out
his Napalm Launcher.
Caleb: Now we're cooking with gas!
He pulls the trigger, sending a ball of flaming napalm at Zoidberg, exploding
upon impact. He replaces his weapon into his trenchcoat.
Zoidberg collapses, his skin roasted.
Grabbing a nearby fire extinquisher, Caleb puts out the fire all over the lab.
Once the flames are out, Caleb steps over to Zoidberg's body and stands over
Caleb: Nothing like fresh lobster roasted extra crispy!
Caleb takes out his knife, bends over, and cuts off some of Zoidbergs flesh.
Then he removes the skin off the dagger and puts it into his mouth.
Meanwhile, in the living room...
Amy stands up.
Amy: I've had enough horror for now. I'm gonna go take a shower.
The door to Zoidberg's clinic opens. Out steps Caleb, licking his lips after
Caleb: Ah! Now that's a spicy meatball!
Outside the Planet Express bathroom, Amy opens her locker, takes off her clothes,
and places them into the locker, taking out a white towel.
Completely naked, except for a towel covering her body from her breasts, to
near the top of her legs, she walks into the bathroom, enters the shower, tossing
the towel onto a nearby peg on the wall. Then she turns on the slightly transparent
force field, along with the hot water.
Caleb enters the meeting room.
The video phone begins to ring.
Caleb walks over to it and picks up the phone. A young man's image appears
on the monitor.
Voice: Hello, I'm looking for a Hue Jass.
Caleb slams the phone down.
Caleb: I've just about had enough of you!
A little later, Amy is still in the shower, washing herself from head to toe.
She doesn't even seem to notice the door open.
Finally, Amy turns off the hot water, deactivates the force-field, and grabs
her towel. She begins to dry off.
Suddenly, she hears a voice.
Caleb: Get ready for a surprise! Heeeeerrrrreeee's Caleb!
Amy turns her focus forwards. Standing before her, holding an Assault Rifle,
Caleb: I am Death! Who wants some?!
He pulls the trigger, spraying a stream of bullets, pelting Amy's left leg.
Screaming, she collapses.
Caleb replaces the Assault Rifle into his trenchcoat and pulls out his knife.
Amy: No! I'm too young and beautiful to die!
Caleb: Save it for someone who cares!
Amy: Somebody pinch me! I must be dreaming!
Caleb: I'm not a bad dream! I'm your worst nightmare! Heh heh heh heh heh!
Caleb raises the knife and plunges it down toward's Amy's abdomen.
Leela: I wonder what's taking Amy so long?
Bender: Hey, we're trying to watch the movie! This is the part where Dracula
Fry: She'll be fine.
Back in the bathroom, Amy is screaming as Caleb cuts open her abdomen. What
moments ago, had been a beautiful body, was now nothing more than raw bleeding
Caleb: Mmmm, fresh blood. And me without a spoon!
He reaches into the gaping hole he created and pulls out Amy's heart. Amy screams
Caleb lifts the heart up and allows the fresh blood to drip into his mouth.
Caleb: Mmmm, this is better than Kool-aid!
Amy passes out, due to loss of blood, shock, and the fact that she was now
Caleb: I'd say I'm sorry, but we both know that wouldn't be sincere. Have a
As Caleb leaves, he tosses the heart off to the sides. Behind him, lays Amy's
lifeless body. Blood began to spread underneathe.
Bender gets up from the couch.
Bender: Excuse me while I go get a beer.
He goes walks out of the living room and into the kitchen.
Bender opens the refridgerator and spies a sixpack of beer bottles.
A voice is heard behind him.
Caleb: Ugh, what a mess! These conditions are hardly sanitary!
Bender: You're telling me!
Caleb: While you're there, I'll take a BLT. That's a tomato, lettuce, and blood
sandwich. Hold the mayonaise.
Bender turns to face Caleb.
Bender: What are you? A cannibal?
Caleb: You have no idea. I've been killing people for over a thousand years.
Bender: Killing people? As in humans?
Caleb: You got it.
Bender: I have a dream too that robots will take over the Earth and exterminate
all humans. Perhaps you can help me fulfill that dream.
Caleb: Groovy. I hope to rule the Earth as well.
Bender: Let's go somewhere where no one will hear us!
In the meeting room...
Bender: The first thing we'll need is weapons.
Caleb: That's where I come in! I got a whole bunch in this trench coat, including
a Thompson machine gun from the 1900's.
Bender: Can I have one?
Caleb reaches into his trenchcoat and tosses Bender a bomb.
Bender: Oh yeah! Nothing better than blowing up humans!
He places the bomb inside his chest compartment. Then he turns to walk out
of the room to begin his rampage.
He doesn't even seem to notice Caleb reaching into his trenchcoat.
Bender: Look out humanity! You can bite my shiny metal...
The bomb in Bender's chest compartment explodes. Bender does as well.
Caleb replaces the detonator back into his trenchcoat.
Caleb: Rest in pieces!
Fry: What's taking Bender so long? He should be back by now!
Leela: Bender! Are you there?
Fry and Leela get up and run into the kitchen.
Fry: The fridge is still open. Bender's not here!
Leela: Where could he have gone?
Fry and Leela leave the kitchen and begin to search.
Fry: Bender? Scruffy? Amy? Zoidberg? Where is everybody?
They enter the meeting room.
Leela: Oh my god!
Lying all over the place, are Bender's remains.
Fry: Did something happen to my best buddy?
Leela: Let's split up and try to find the others.
Leela and Fry rush off in different directions trying to find their co-workers.
A minute later, Fry and Leela meet up again.
Leela: Did you find anybody?
Fry: I found a charred corpse in the main hall. Much of the skin has been melted
Leela: Were there any distinguishing features?
Fry: Such as?
Leela: Mustache? Black hair? Red lobster skin?
Fry: I don't know who it is!
Leela: Let's find the others. Then we'll use the process of elimination to
determine who it is!
Fry and Leela enter Zoidberg's clinic.
Fry: Good lord! What happened in here!
Leela: Dr. Zoidberg? Are you in here?
Fry: There he is!
Lying on the floor, was Zoidberg. His body roasted beyond recognition. A large
chunk of skin was missing from his arms.
Leela: It looks like someone ate part of him!
Fry: Who would do such a thing?!
Leela: Let's find Amy!
When Fry and Leela enter the bathroom, they are greeted by a sight so horrible,
it chilled their blood.
Lying on the floor, was Amy's beautiful but naked lifeless body. A towel stained
red with blood lay nearby. A gaping hole was in her abdomen. A large pool of blood
continued to spread underneathe her. Lying off to the side, was her heart.
Leela: What the hell is going on here?!
Fry: Whoever did this is one sick son of a bitch! No offense to his mother.
Leela: How will we explain this to Kif?
Fry: At least we now know that the body in the main hall is Scruffy.
Fry and Leela enter the meeting room. Fry picks up the phone and dials a number.
After the phone rings a couple of times, a voice is heard on the other line.
Voice: You have reached the police. There's no one at the station right now.
Please stay on the line like an idiot and no one will answer.
Fry hangs up.
Leela: Call Hermes and see if he made it home.
Fry dials the number for Herme's home.
Labarbara's image appears on the monitor.
Fry: Hello Labarbara. Did your husband come home yet?
Labarbara: He's not here. He never did come back yet.
Fry: Never mind.
Fry hangs up.
Leela: Oh my god! What if something happened to Hermes?
Fry: Let's go find the professor!
In his lab, Farnsworth is napping.
Suddenly, the door bursts open. Leela and Fry enter, locking the door behind
Farnsworth wakes up.
Leela: Professor! Something terrible has happened! Scruffy, Zoidberg, Amy,
and Bender have been murdered in cold blood!
Fry: And something has happened to Hermes! He never made it back home!
Farnsworth: Fry, Leela, you're delusional. You've been watching too many horror
Leela: Professor! We're not kidding!
Suddenly, they hear what sounds like the knob turning.
Fry and Leela gasp as they turn to face the door.
The intruder outside tries unsuccessfully to open the door. A voice outside
Caleb: Hmmm, the door is locked. Oh damn, I guess I'm foiled. I'll have to
turn back. Ha ha ha ha ha!
The door explodes as a bomb is detonated. Bullets from a Thompson machine gun
are sprayed into the lab.
Fry and Leela dive for cover, but Farnsworth isn't so lucky. He's pelted by
dozens of bullets of screaming lead.
Caleb: Fool! You are already dead!
Farnsworth collapses, dead. Blood begins to pool underneath his body.
Caleb: Who wants some huh?! Who's next?!
Fry and Leela, hiding under a table, can't believe what they've just witnessed.
Leela: It's him! He's the one killing our co-workers!
Caleb replaces the Thompson machine gun into his trenchcoat and pulls out a
Beretta pistol. He stands over Farnsworth's body.
Caleb: Ugh! Looks like I'm not the only old dead guy here!
Caleb: Come out, come out, wherever you are!
Fry: Uh oh! Uh, there's nobody home! Go away!
Caleb turns on a flashlight, then points it under the table where Fry and Leela
Caleb: Ah! Leftovers!
Leela grabs the table and throws it at Caleb, which he dodges.
Caleb: Looks like there's killing to do!
Leela leaps at him and kicks the gun out of his hands. It lands near Fry.
Caleb: You'll pay for that!
He pulls out his saw-ed off shotgun.
Caleb: They're gonna need a bucket and a mop when I'm through with you!
He pulls the trigger, unleashing both barrels at Leela.
Crying out in agony, she collapses to one knee, clutching her shoulder.
Fry picks up the pistol.
Fry: Hmm, point away from face and fire. Sounds easy enough!
He points the gun at Caleb and repeated squeezes the trigger. Bullets cut into
Caleb, but they seem to have no effect.
Caleb: You can't kill what is already dead!
He pulls out the deadliest weapon in his arsenal:the Minigun.
Caleb: You're gonna need a closed casket now! Heh heh heh heh heh.
Pointing it at Fry, he pulls the trigger. The barrels of the gun begin to spin.
Leela stands, runs towards Fry, and stands before him, just a split second
before the Minigun begins to spew out bullets at an extremely fast rate.
Leela is pelted by a hundred bullets in less than five seconds.
Caleb releases the trigger. The barrels of the Minigun stop spinning.
Leela collapses to the floor, her tanktop drenched with blood, which began
to drip onto the floor.
Fry kneels by her side.
Leela turns to face Fry.
Leela: Fry...I love...you. Forgive me...
Leela closes her eye and dies.
Tears well up in Fry's eyes. Then, his sorrow is replaced with rage. He stands
and faces Caleb. At Caleb's boots, lies a pile of empty bullets.
Fry: You bastard! You bastard!
Caleb only laughs.
Caleb: That's a good way to get yourself killed!
He points the Minigun at Fry.
Fry's rage turns to terror.
Caleb: Now you have a nice day. Night, night.
Fry: Does this mean you're not gonna read me a bedtime story?
Caleb: You wanna hear a story? Ok. Once upon a time, there lived an undead
man named Caleb, who broke in Planet Express...
He pulls the trigger. The barrels begin to spin. Bullets spray out at an incredible
Caleb: ...killed everybody and lived happily ever after! The End. Ha ha ha
Caught in a fray of screaming lead, Fry didn't stand a chance.
Finally, after seven seconds, the barrels of the Minigun stop spinning. They
have run out of ammo.
Fry staggers and sways, his clothes drenched with blood, dripping onto the
Fry: Leela...wait for me...I'm coming!
Fry collapses near Leela. He's dead.
Caleb looks around. He's the only one left.
Caleb: Aw, no one wants to play with me.
Caleb walks into the kitchen, grabs a beer, and closes the fridge. Then he
enters the living room and sits down on the couch, just as "Dracula's"
ending credits begin to roll.
Caleb: This place is a hellhole. Heh heh, I like it! Ophelia, Ishmael, and
Gabriella will love this place! It will be our new home!
All of this however didn't really happen. For it was all being watched by our
favorite crew on Farnsworth's What-If machine.
Fry: Wow! That was quite a movie! So that's what would happen if a mass murderer
came to Planet Express!
Leela: With this machine, we can be in our own movies! No more going to Blockbuster!
Bender: Ok! Now it's my turn to ask the machine a question!
He clears his throat in speaks into the machine's microphone.
Bender: What if robots killed all humans?
The What-If machine begins to play another movie.
Bender sits down.
Amy: It's my turn next.
Bender: Shut up! I don't wanna miss a moment of this!