Futurama

Fan Fiction

Space Age Doofus, part 13
By Dwayne Anderson

The doors to the chamber in the heart of the research station suddenly slide open. "Fry!" Bucky shouts as he, Blinky, Jenny, Bruiser, and Deadeye charge in. Fry and the mysterious reptilian stranger turn towards them. "What did you fi-" They all skid to a halt at the sight of Fry being held at blaster-point.

Bucky's eyes narrow in anger. "Al-negator!" he hisses.

The reptilian stranger chuckles. "We meet again Bucky o Hare!"

Deadeye reaches for all four of his laser pistols but Bucky stops him. "Don't Deadeye! There is no need for violence just yet!" Deadeye holsters all four pistols while keeping one angry eye focused on the reptile holding Fry at blaster-point.

"What are you doing here?" Bucky demands stepping forward with a glare. "Explain yourself!"

"Salvaging and pillaging the ruins no doubt!" snarls Deadeye.

"Hold on a minute!" said Fry. "You know this guy?"

"Know him?" asked Bucky. "He once accompanied us on a mission. But it turned out he was actually a mercenery working for the toads."

"Sabotaged our computer with a virus," said Deadeye. "Delivering us into the hands of the enemy. Nearly getting us all killed in the process! Is that answer satisfy you Mr. Brainless?"

"Deadeye, stop!" said Jenny putting his hands to her hips in annoyance. Fry is grateful for her defense of him.

"Hey I may be a former space pirate," said Deadeye, "but even I have more honor and morality than this lizard!" He points an accussing finger at Al-negator.

"I saw a ship flying through the sky earlier," said Fry. "By any chance was that yours?"

"But of course," said Al-negator. "At first I thought this would be a simple scavenging job for the toad empire. Coming across my employers' primary enemies and having a chance to eliminate them is a bonus, maybe towards my next payday."

"We outnumber you six to one," said Bucky. "Make it easier on yourself and leave peacefully."

"And let us miss out on the fun?" asked Deadeye. "Fine. But we have no intention of letting you leave with that crystal!"

"As much as it feels hot to the touch," said Al-negator. "I'll pass. The toads would be willing to pay quite handsomely for it!"

"Al please!" Jenny tries to reason with him. "Look what the power in that crystal did to this place when the science team tried to harness the solar energy it stored. It would be disastrous in the wrong hands!"

"Really?" Al-negator's face beams with a crooked grin. "In that case, I'd double the price!"

A look of horror appears on her face as Jenny realizes her mistake. "Oops!"

"But why stop there?" asked Al-negator. "How about going triple? Or even -" But he is suddenly interupted by the sounds of laughter. He and the rest of the crew of the Rightous Indignation turn to face Fry who is hunching forward across a computer panel. He is laughing so hard that tears are flowing from his eyes.

"You thinking of something funny or did the medication kick in?" asked Deadeye. Jenny glares at him in reply to this insult at Fry.

Fry finally stops to catch his breath. "I just realized! He's an alligator named Al-negator." He covers his mouth with both hands trying to stifle more laughter. "Alligator. Al-negator. That's funny!" Finally, he erupts into more hysterical fits of laughter.

"What the?" asked Al-negator. "Who the heck is this? And where is that other human?"

"Long story," said Jenny.

Ignoring the rest of the crew and focusing on Fry for the first time since he stole the crystal, Al-negator approaches him which keeping a steady grip on his blaster. "Who are you?"

Fry quickly regains his composure when under threat once again. "Me? I am -" He smirks with delight as an idea comes to him. "My name is Wiener. First name Ima."

Bucky, Jenny, Bruiser, Blinky, and Deadeye stare at him as if to ask, "What the heck are you doing Fry?"

Al-negator looks at him dumbfounded. "Ima Wiener?"

Fry erupts into another fit of hysterical laughter, harder than ever before, slapping his knees at the same time as fresh tears flow from his eyes from laughing so hard. "Classic!" he said wiping his eyes dry.

"I don't get it," said Jenny and the others who are just as dumbfounded as she is.

"Okay then Mr. Wiener," Al said. (Fry giggles in reply) "What are you doing here with this motley crew?"

Fry grins and snickers. "I'm an up and coming space hero here in the universe."

"Anniverse you numbskull!" Deadeye shrugs while ignoring Jenny's glare. "Why is that so difficult? Are you too much of a dolt to understand?

"You don't look like much of a space hero to me," said Al-negator.

"Then eat laser," said Fry as he holds up his laser pistol. The Righteous Indignation crew all either slap themselves in the forehead, shakes their heads in dismay, rolling their eyes, or groan. Fry is holding his laser pistol up-side down.

"Ha!" Al-negator laughs. "Some space hero! You're holding it the wrong way!"

Fry realizes his mistake. "Okay. Thanks!" He tries various ways of holding the gun but can't get it right. He also can't figure out how to fire the gun. "No. No that's not right. No that's. Aargh!" He puting pounding the gun with his free hand. "Come on stupid gun! Come on!" Finally, he throws it behind his back. There is a loud crash behind him.

"Most amusing!" said Al-negator. "But I think I've wasted enough of my time here."

"You're not going anywhere Al!" said Bucky.

"You're right!" said Al training his gun on the Rightous Indignation. "I'm not going anywhere until I put an end to your meddlesome crew!" He takes aim and fires at the crew who dive for cover behind a computer mainframe.

Deadeye takes out his laser pistols to return fire but Jenny stops him. "Deadeye no! You'll hit Fry!" she says.

"Then tell him to get out of the way!" Deadeye hisses.

Hearing this, Al-negator, realizing that Fry (or rather Mr. Wiener) is still behind him and knowing his enemies would never return fire without the risk of hitting him, he turns his attention to Fry (er Mr. Wiener to him).

Without a weapon to defend himself, Fry backs away in fear, realizing his mistake in throwing his weapon away, only to stumble on something beneath him and fall with a crash into a heap of debris.

"Captain, we have to act!" said Blinky frantically waving his arms. "Fry is in danger!"

"He's right!" said Jenny. "We have to hurry!" She is already standing to rush to Fry's aid. But even here she cannot risk using her powers in front of her comrades.

Fry meanwhile pushes himself up and begins to sort through the debris pile to find his laser pistol. But all he can come up with is a small curved mirror used for reflecting light. Suddenly, at that moment, the sky brightens as the darkness turns to day. During the confrontation, no one has even noticed until now that the solar eclipse is nearing its end. Now at last, the moon no longer blocks the sun.

"Well it's about time!" said Deadeye. "We wouldn't have even needed to restore power!"

Fry looks up to the sunny sky and smiles as a pillar of sunlight shines down into the chamber. "Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy!" he sings.

"What in the name of the animal kingdom are you blabbering about?" Al-negator demands. "What are you so happy about?"

Fry grins. "I may be an idiot but I know that sunlight can be reflected by a mirror. Speaking of which, allow me to 'reflect' on the situation!" He holds up the mirror and tilts it until the sunlight begins to shine directly into Al-negator's eyes.

"Hey!" Al-negator shrieks. "Get that out of my face!" He covers his eyes trying to shield them from bright light. "I can't see a thing!"

"Now Bruiser! Now!" Bucky shouts. Bruiser doesn't hestitate and charges at Al-negator like a football quarterback. By the time Al-negator has turned around and lowered his arms, it's too late. Bruiser slams his body into Al-negator with all his strength, knocking him backwards. The crystal is knocked out of his hand and falls to the floor behind him, bouncing harmlessly several times, fortunately undamaged.

Al-negator falls, bumping his head against a computer. His eyes roll in his sockets at the force of this blow. "I'll get you for this Bucky o Hare, the three of you!" Then he closes his eyes and lies still.

Fry tosses the mirror aside. As he does, he finds his lost laser pistol which he recovers. He also scoops up the crystal from where it lay, knocked out of Al's hand. "Never underestimate the power of a moron!"

To Be Continued ...

Buddies