Futurama

Fan Fiction

Matters of Life And Death part 8 - Scruffed Off
By Dwayne Anderson

Warning - The situations portrayed in this story are based on real deaths and are extremely graphic.

Every company employs one person to clean up after everybody. That person is called a janitor. Janitors make their living cleaning up and tidying the building. From scrubbing toilets to mopping the floor, janitors are typically the housekeepers of a company.

Most janitors are male, proving that men can and will do housework. But would you like to meet the laziest janitor of all?

Say "hi" to Scruffy. Scruffy is the janitor at Planet Express. Scruffy should have been sacked long ago, but since nobody else wanted the job, and since nobody can get rid of stubborn scuff marks the way he does (when he does work that is), the company continues to employ him.

Scruffy makes his home in the boiler room of Planet Express. Whenever he's on his break, (which is pretty much often), Scruffy likes to kick back and read naughty magazines. He has a subscription to lingerie magazines containing pictures of beautiful voluptuous women clad in scant underwear. Brassieres, panties, you name it, he reads it.

For Scruffy, reading naughty magazines isn't just a way to pass the time, it's an addiction. Just as a workaholic values his job or an alcoholic places alcohol on pedestals, Scruffy is addicted to naughty magazines.

Addictions can place a tremendous strain on a person's life as the addiction becomes more important than work, than family, than friends. It's something they just can't live without. Sometimes, an addiction can have deadly consequences, particularly those who do drugs or alcohol. Or in Scruffy's case, those who read naughty magazines.

How? Read on Matters of Life and Death fans and find out.


Today, when Scruffy came to work, he received the new issue of Zero-G Juggs. He sits back on his mattress and reads, licking his fingers every time he turns the page. Beautiful young buxom women smile back at him as he turns the pages.

Even when his break ends, Scruffy still won't put down the magazine. Even as he prepares his cleaning mixture for mopping the floor. First he pours in the water, then he pours in some bleach. All this while focusing on a picture of a beautiful large breasted scantily clad blonde. He won't take his eyes off her. It's as if it's the most important thing in his life right now.

But Scruffy is about to pay the price for not paying attention to what he is doing. For at that moment, he picks up another bottle of cleaning fluid and pours it into the bucket of water and bleach.

Seconds later, a greenish cloud erupts from the bucket and engulfs the inattentive janitor. Scruffy drops the bottle and starts choking as he grabs at his eyes. The magazine falls from his clutch and into the bucket. Blindly, he stumbles toward the door to the boiler room as the cloud continues to grow and fill the room together with his cries of anguish. A strong bitter stench fills his nostrils.

Within a minute, the cloud has filled the entire boiler room chamber. Scruffy manages to open the door and crawl out to freedom and fresh air, but it's already too late. He collapses to the floor and lays still.

Had Scruffy focused on the job instead of the juggs, he would have noticed that the second bottle he poured into the bucket of water and bleach was ammonia. But since he didn't know his chemistry, it probably wouldn't have made much difference. The combination of bleach and ammonia released a deadly cloud of chlorine gas. Once inhaled into his lungs, the toxic chemicals within the cloud ate away at his lungs, preventing him from taking in oxygen. Since human beings need to breath oxygen to live, Scruffy suffocated to death.

Scruffy was a lazy janitor who was still quite capable of cleaning up after others when he wanted to. But the only mess he couldn't clean up was the one left behind by his own corpse.

To Be Continued

Buddies